Programma Televisivo: Brothers & Sisters - 5x11
*** *** *** *** Respirations 36.
Blood loss?
Heavy.
I placed an occlusive dressing on his chest to seal the wound...
smart move.
And his SATs are in the lower 90s.
All right.
On my count.
One, two, three.
Okay, guys.
We got it from here.
Okay.
Nice job, rookie.
Nothing sexier than a man in uniform.
Thank you.
I think she was talking to me, bro.
I know.
I heard the call come in.
Ambulance five on its way.
Yeah, I'd kiss you right now, but I'm kind of covered in blood.
Yeah.
Well, it's better than vomit, though, right?
Oh, no, we've had that today, too.
Ooh.
Yeah, they should really tell you about the sheer number of fluids you'll experience in the paramedic handbook.
Rookie, see ya in the rig, bro.
All right.
Later. "
The rig, bro"?
Oh, he's cool.
He's, uh, kind of hazing the new guy.
He's got me working a double today, so...
Ooh.
What about bowling?
Oh, no.
Bowling is tonight.
Yeah.
It's fine.
Annie, I'm sorry.
It's...
No, it's fine.
I'm not...
You know what?
I'm not even a good bowler, so...
Annie, I'm sorry.
This job, it's just 24/7 and...
I'm beginning to see that.
How about lunch?
Do they give you guys lunch breaks.
Oh.
Yep, duty calls.
I will text you later.
All right.
Sorry.
Of course, change is difficult, but keep up the good work.
Thank you.
Make mine to noradrenaline.
Nora.
You didn't have to stand in line.
I didn't.
I cut in.
Of course you did.
Listen, why don't you, um, have a seat?
Really?
Yeah.
Come on.
Please.
I insist.
All right.
Excuse me.
Well, well, this is all very impressive.
The line is out the door and down the block.
You're, like, a sex symbol.
Oh.
What, am I dating the Robert Redford of psychiatry?
Can you sign it to Trisha?
Sure, Trisha.
Your eyes are even more magnetic in person.
Oh...
yeah.
T-r-I-s-h-a, right?
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Here is...
your phone.
You left it at my place last night.
Oh, how careless of me.
Are we still on for tonight?
Yeah, yeah, 8:00, uh, 8:00 P.M., right? "
Antiques Roadshow," kung pao chicken...
You know what?
We always do the same thing every Friday night.
I know you're a stickler for routine, but how about I roast you a chicken?
And then we can watch your show if it means so much to you.
Her roast chicken is amazing.
Her secret is putting butter under the skin.
You're "dear mom," right?
Yes.
I'm a big fan.
No.
The chicken really is to die for.
Roast chicken it is.
Thank you, Trisha.
I'm so happy for you two.
Are you blushing or holding your breath?
Take a guess.
You know what?
I have to go.
I will see you later tonight.
Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Bye.
Good-bye, ladies.
Hello.
How are you?
It's important to be...
Realistic.
Realistic, that's right.
The foster system isn't perfect.
It's important to be honest about what types of cases you're willing to take on.
Now today, I'd like to get started with everyone's favorite...
Role-playing.
Any volunteers?
Oh.
No, I don't want to.
Um, Scotty, Kevin, come on up.
Great.
Why do you always do this to us?
I'm still traumatized from the diaper Olympics.
Okay, now have a seat in our living room.
And this is your son.
Oh, great.
We'll call him vinny.
Vinny?
There was a, uh, "Jersey Shore" marathon on last night.
Vinny's a nice name.
Okay.
I'm gonna be playing myself.
Ready?
Knock, knock.
Oh, hello, Jill.
Mr.
and Mr.
Walker, I regret to inform you that vinny's mom has decided to reclaim her parental rights to her son.
Well, that's ridiculous.
We've had vinny for over a month now, and she just wants him back?
Scotty, the law clearly states, the birth mother has 60 days to change her mind, so we have no choice.
Kevin, he's our son.
I think what Jill wants to see here is our ability to handle whatever comes our way, including this.
So why don't you give vinny to me?
No, I'm sorry.
This is wrong.
It's a doll, Scotty.
Come on.
Oh, Kevin, please, stay in character.
Yeah.
Okay.
Would you guys like to say your good-byes now?
Isn't there anything else we can do?
I'm afraid there isn't.
Okay, Mr.
practical, you handle it.
I'm, um...
I'm sorry it didn't work out, vinny.
Good-bye.
Oh...
Oh, okay.
All right, you little monkey, papa Scotty and I, we...
we love you very much, but your mom has changed her mind and wants you back.
So...
As much as it breaks our hearts to say this, we have to let you go.
You'll never know how much we wanted to keep you.
Make sure she's good to him.
Wow.
Does everyone cry or just the gay dads?
Your, uh, your phone's ringing.
I know.
I know.
It always rings.
Okay.
Mm.
Wait.
That's my phone.
It never rings.
Ignore it.
Obviously.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
It's my editor?
My high school lab partner?
They can wait.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Mm.
I give up.
I give up.
Sarah?
My cousin hal?
Probably calling me from her business trip.
What?
Hey, Sarah.
Hal, long time, man.
So what, did somebody die?
What? "
The Huffington Post"?
What do you mean, it's all over the Internet?
No.
No.
H-how many hits?
Um, okay, uh, uh, look, I-I-I...
I gotta go.
Somebody told something and it's all over the Internet...
...Leaked the story about us seeing each other...
That we...
I know.
It's gone viral.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is Kevin.
He's texting me. "
The skinny minnie web site picked up the story, and there's a picture."
What?
Oh, no.
What?
You look like you're 16 in that picture.
Uh, that's because I am 16 in that picture.
Oh.
This is my high school yearbook photo.
Shut up.
What was I thinking?
Of course this was gonna blow up.
I mean, I'm dating the dean's son.
This...
this was never gonna be a secret.
Yeah, but I mean, come on, you used to spin things for a living, right?
I mean, how hard can it be?
We just deny it.
No, you don't deny it.
The cover-up is worse than the crime.
Dating me is a crime now?
No.
No, not literally.
It...
thank God.
Oh.
What is that?
It's a personalized ringtone.
Whose?
My mother.
Your mother's?
Oh, turn it...
turn it off.
Okay.
Um...
There.
There.
She's, uh, gone.
Well, good.
Oh.
It's your mother, isn't it?
Yeah.
Ugh.
Damn it.
Okay.
You don't have to talk to her, all right?
Let me handle this.
You're very sweet, but it was my decision to be discreet, so it's my fault.
So whatever she has to say, I can take it.
Hold my hand.
Hello.
Yes, yes.
Hi.
Hi, dean whitley.
Uh-huh.
Uh, sure.
Okay.
Thank you.
She wants to see me...
Today.
Why doesn't she call?
Because she's probably too busy reading this. "
Kitty Walker McCallister and son of dean in sex scandal."
Where are you reading this crap?
The online political rags.
They're calling Seth her "boy toy barista."
Oh, my God.
It's completely absurd.
I mean, Kitty is...
is not even a politician anymore.
I know.
I can't believe the attention she's getting either.
She's even trending on Twitter.
It's like the good ol' days.
Oh, wow.
Look at this picture of him.
He looks like the sixth member of 'Nsync.
Aw.
Oh, crap-o. "
After robbing the dean's cradle, "Kitty m...
or should I say cougar Walker McCallister, "has been teaching at Wexley university for the past month"...
Stop.
Stop.
You're practically salivating, reading all this trash.
Sorry.
Guess I didn't realize how much I miss political scandal.
Oh, I have something for you.
Here.
This is your letter of recommendation.
Oh.
Give it to your social worker.
I hope you're a better father than you are a brother.
Ouch.
Yeah.
Is that Kitty? "
O.M.G.
O.M.G.
Paparazzi at my house."
Paparazzi?
My God.
The world has gone mad. "
Have you talked to mom yet? "
Give me the phone.
No, it takes you, like, five minutes to type "hello."
I'm with mom right now.
Sending all our support and love...
And acne cream.
Kevin.
What did she say? "
Screw you, Kevin."
Aha.
Tell her this is completely ridiculous.
She is allowed to date whomever she wants.
Type it.
Go.
Type it.
Okay.
And besides that, you know, Seth is really a nice boy.
Man.
What?
What does she say? "
Can I come to mom's tonight?
Safer there."
Yes.
Tell her yes, yes.
Karl is coming, too, but he's just gonna have to deal with it.
Tell her to bring Seth.
Well, now I want to come, too.
No.
What?
Absolutely not.
You'll spend the whole evening making fun of her.
I won't.
What does she say? "
Ask mom if you can come, too."
Oh, all right.
Everybody can come.
Great.
Um...
Karl does like us, right?
Yes.
Yes.
He likes you very much.
Good.
In moderation.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Look, would you do me a favor and please be on your best behavior tonight?
He...
he never had a family before.
So you're gonna start him off on ours?
It's the only one I've got.
Well, tell him to drink more.
Look, Karl is a wonderful, highly intelligent man.
All right.
Okay.
He...
he's a little stiff.
But he...
h-he wants to try to change.
Well, then tonight should be fun.
Yeah.
Ooh. "
Later.
I'm off to see the dean."
What are you writing?
Have fun in detention.
So you're gonna want to put the needles in one of the drawers with latches.
Last thing you want is a bunch of sharps flying out at 65 miles per, unless you're a ninja, I guess.
Yeah, sorry, Dan.
But I do know how to fire an m16.
I like you, man.
You're doing good so far.
That nurse chick definitely thought you were the man.
Nurse chick?
Dude, please.
You were so playin' up the hero thing.
I was not.
You hittin' that?
Classy.
Yes!
You are.
I knew it.
Dude, you know what?
Relax, all right?
Good one.
We're just taking it casual.
Really?
Yeah.
Because I would be spending all my free time with a beautiful creature like that.
Well, okay, what free time?
Dude, you're the one taking all the shifts from everyone, working all the time.
You can pull it back a little.
Being a paramedic's what I want to do, and it took me a long time to figure that out, so if that means pulling doubles or working the night shift where I can't go bowling, that's what I'm gonna do.
Okay, but if she feels neglected and starts, I don't know, looking for comfort elsewhere, in maybe a funnier, slightly more desperate man in uniform, don't say I didn't warn you.
You know, you should really take this act on the road.
All units, we have a small house fire in the 6000 block of willoughby.
Smoke inhalation, minor burns.
Feel like roasting some marshmallows?
Hell, yes.
Who's responding?
Dispatch, this is unit five.
We're on our way.
Hello.
Hello, Kitty.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
I feel like I'm at the principal's office.
Uh, I-I really am very sorry that you had to find out about Seth and me like this.
And I understand that I have put the school in a compromised position, and if there is anything that I could possibly do...
Kitty, relax.
The fact that my son is dating an attractive professor probably enhanced our reputation among applicants.
Oh, well...
Obviously, there's so much to find at Wexley in addition to an education.
I want you to know that I'm making a statement supporting you and Seth.
Really?
Wow.
Well, thank you.
I-I want you to know that I do care about your son.
Well, Seth's 27 years old.
He can date whomever he wants.
And I can certainly see why he would be interested in you.
Thank you.
But I have to admit, I'm a little surprised that you are interested in him.
Oh, well, he's...
he's a great guy.
Yes, but...
you had a radio and television show.
You ran for the United States senate.
You are a passionate, ambitious woman.
And Seth, well, he's...
He's working on his master's.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, for the past five years.
He's making a career of it.
I also hear that he is writing short stories and a novel, but...
he still carries a backpack, Kitty.
Well, actually, it's a messenger bag.
But Seth works very hard...
Kitty, be honest.
Is Seth really someone you see yourself with long-term?
I'm not willing to discuss that with you, and thank you very much for the statement, but for the record, Seth and I are very happy at the moment.
Well, I'm sure you are.
Nonetheless, I can't help but think that the reason you're keeping this relationship discreet is not because of me or Wexley, but because you know you can do better.
I don't think that continuing this conversation is going to be particularly productive, so...
Look, it's your life.
It's not mine.
You can make whatever mistakes you want.
I just think I know Seth better than you.
Maybe.
But for his sake, I hope that's not true.
Excuse me.
And that's around the world.
I just kicked your ass.
All right, listen, whatever, cocky.
Let's not forget who won at horse.
Oh, please.
I let you win that.
Didn't want to hurt your manly pride.
Yeah, sure you did.
Sure you did.
Well, how about this...
One shot, double or nothing, and let's see how good you are when you're being guarded?
Done.
Little bit different of a ball game now, huh?
Really?
Yeah.
I like a challenge.
Get outta my way.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Oh!
Oh!
You made me miss that.
Yeah, you're right.
All right.
Let's get a sandwich.
Lunch is over, rookie.
We have a call over by the country club.
Uh, yeah, Dan, uh, I'm on my way.
I gotta go.
Well, you haven't even eaten yet.
Yeah.
Welcome to my lunch breaks.
Look, grab a sandwich and I'll call you later.
Wait a second.
What if I came with you?
What, on my job?
Yeah.
I mean, nurses are supposed to do ride-alongs with paramedics once a year.
I was gonna do it next month, but what if I went tonight instead?
Seriously?
Yeah.
I mean, it's really the only way I'm gonna get a couple of straight hours with you.
Uh...
Annie, I don't...
I don't know if th...
Come on.
I promise you, I will not get in your way.
Scout's honor.
Okay.
Come here.
I'll text you later.
And work on that hook shot.
Everything seems to be in order.
Excellent letters of recommendation.
You indicated here in your preferences that you'd be willing to consider any case, regardless of gender, race, or age?
That's right.
When we started this, we were working with a surrogate, and, um...
I don't know if it's because that didn't work out, but we're more interested in being parents rather than passing on our genes.
You're doing a great thing.
Okay, I know this is quick, but there's an adoption fair tomorrow, if you guys are interested.
Uh, what's that?
It's an event where potential parents can meet and interact with children who are looking to be placed into families.
There are 30,000 kids in foster care here in L.A.
I'll give you two a minute to talk.
Just let me know.
Thank you.
What?
You...
you look nervous.
No, no, no, no.
I'm excited.
It's just, I...
I don't know.
I thought...
I guess I expected we'd be getting a phone call and a placement.
But n-now, what, we have to meet a bunch of kids and figure it out?
Well, I mean, you heard what Jill said.
30,000 kids.
Exactly, so how do we choose the right one?
Hey.
Hey.
You know there are, uh, still two guys out there with cameras?
Ugh.
I hope you ignored them.
Actually, I mooned them.
I so wish you did.
Hey, check out what I, uh, brought Evan.
It's the hulk.
Right?
Wow.
That's really sweet.
I-I had no idea that you still played with toys.
Well, it's more of a...
Collectible, really.
So...
What'd my mom say?
I told you.
She was great.
Still don't believe you.
Seth, did you read the statement that she released?
I mean, she was practically gushing.
Oh, no, no, no.
See, that was just to save the honor of...
of Wexley.
What did she say to you?
Because, you know, sometimes, you have to...
to read between the lines to really appreciate her guilt trip.
You know, she once told me that she wasn't making me feel guilty.
She was just helping me find the guilt already within.
Sweet, huh?
I'm sure that you have a very complicated relationship with her, but with me, she was...
perfectly professional, right?
She was.
You look hot, by the way.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
So...
so do...
Uh, you know, I've never been to Phoenix.
Oh.
Uh, that's a...
that's a band.
Oh.
Oh, right.
Right.
Sorry.
So, you know, I was actually thinking that, um, maybe we shouldn't go tonight.
I mean, between Karl's psychiatry talk, and Kevin's lawyer talk, and my mother and Scotty exchanging recipes, it's just, it's...
it's...
it's...
it's snorefest.
Are you...
are you trying to get out of it?
No.
No.
I just...
Have you really been going to grad school for five years?
Oh.
See?
She did say something.
No, she didn't.
I was just wondering because it actually does seem like a very long time.
Look, I haven't finished my thesis yet, and I told you, I've been working on this novel.
And...
and if either of you have a problem with that then...
You know what?
Don't put your mother and me on the same team, because I actually think that your priorities are great.
Great.
She got to you.
No, she didn't.
In fact, I-I stood up for you.
Really?
Really.
So can you please stop being paranoid?
And can we go?
Because we're gonna be late.
Look...
Kitty, I mean...
I've got my keys, so...
I am so glad you're here.
This is gonna be so much fun, so much better than any old take...
Ooh.
There is my pie.
Pie?
What pie?
Well, it's...
it's not a pupu platter, but...
I wanted everything to be nice.
Nora, why are there six place settings in the dining room?
Well...
That would be for Kevin and Scotty and Kitty and Seth.
And Seth.
He's the...
the college student that Kitty's seeing, right?
He's the graduate student that Kitty is...
You met him, remember?
Yeah, I do remember him.
I just don't remember inviting him to dinner tonight.
No.
No.
I-I-I did that.
Just...
They're going through so much, and I thought it would be...
You thought you'd just bring the storm to us, right?
Karl, she is my daughter.
Yes, and Kevin is your son, yes, but...
Look, if it all gets to be too much for you, we can just go off by ourselves and watch "Antiques Roadshow"...
no, no, no.
No, I don't want you to think that I'm obsessed with that show, it's just that I thought tonight...
That tonight...
It was just the two of us.
I know.
I...
Look, I want you to feel a part of my family.
You haven't seen them since Christmas.
Right.
I don't know.
I-I just...
I felt so proud, being with you today at the book signing.
Nora.
You know...
I could call them and tell them not to come.
No, no.
Tonight's fine.
Obviously, I'm too much of a control freak to have, uh, had my own children, so...
The least I can do is to learn to be friends with yours.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mwah.
Thank you.
Mm.
I still can't believe that woman made us come to her house to change her tv channel.
Some emergency.
Yeah, well, what about the chick who was choking on the mozzarella stick?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, those things are death traps.
We got a car crash at hill and orange grove.
Who's responding?
Hey, we're just a few blocks from there.
Dispatch, this is unit five.
We're on our way.
Unit five, be advised, there are possible fatalities.
Michael.
Michael.
Okay, let's prep to extricate.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Please.
My husband.
Please help him.
Sure.
Are...
are you okay?
My shoulder...
it's from the seat belt.
It's okay.
But please just help him.
All right.
I've got her.
You got him, rookie?
I got him.
I'll go with you.
All right, what's going on?
Yeah, he's pinned under the steering wheel.
We're gonna have to cut him out.
All right, sir.
How you doing?
Can you hear me?
Can you get his head?
Leah, my wife...
Is she okay?
Oh, she's great.
She's great.
She's looking really good.
Annie, you just saw her, right?
Yeah, she's gonna be just fine.
Oh, God.
Oh.
You gave her a little scare, getting stuck in here.
His breathing is labored.
Let's get him some o-2 and ready for transport.
Got it.
All right.
What's your name?
Michael.
Mariah?
That's weird.
No, I'm kidding Michael.
My name's Justin.
Justin.
Karl had the most wonderful book signing today.
It was like Robert Redford came to town.
Oh, which one's Robert Redford?
Oh, Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid. "
The Way We Were," Barbra Streisand.
Mm.
Don't tell me you don't know who Barbra Streisand is.
Uh, news flash.
He's straight, Kevin.
No, no, no, um, "The Way We Were," right.
My mom, uh, my mom loves Barbra Streisand.
Oh.
How's she doing, your mother?
Oh, she's not happy.
Oh, she was actually quite lovely.
Which one is it?
Karl, you like Barbra Streisand, too, don't you?
Yes.
Karl, what's your book called? "
The Empowered Unconscious."
Oh.
It's about using your past to really guide you...
I'm sure they're not interested in my little self-help book, Nora.
Self-help?
No, I would write a self-help book.
But it's quite brilliant, and filled with these wonderful little...
Uh, this chicken is delicious.
Thank you.
Mom can make roast chicken like peanut butter and jelly.
She can do it in her sleep.
Well, uh, I've been having a lot of pb&js these days, and let me tell you, this is a lot better.
Well, Seth, you can come over anytime.
I would be delighted to make you...
No, no, mom.
Mom, he's just...
he's just joking.
He doesn't have that many pb&js.
He eats a lot of food.
He likes a lot of food.
He likes, um, you like sushi, right?
Um, yeah, yeah.
I-I like sushi.
Um, it's expensive, so I can't, uh...
How is the adoption going, guys?
Fine.
It's great.
Well, actually, we are thinking about going to an adoption fair tomorrow.
What's an adoption fair?
Why don't you tell 'em, Scotty?
Well, uh, it's a fair where prospective parents get to meet with kids that need homes.
Yeah, about 20, descending on you at the same time, because that makes it so much easier to bond with...
Stop being so dramatic.
I'm not.
I'm sorry.
I just find the whole thing weird.
And I can't imagine how it feels for them.
They must feel like they're being sold, like puppies in a window.
Kevin, there's no need to shout.
I'm not shouting.
Karl, have you ever done any studies about foster adoptions?
Mnh-mnh.
Well, maybe you could do one on the children who don't get picked.
I'm sure that would be a happy ending.
Kevin, it's a way for people like us to get introduced to kids that are stuck in the system.
Come on.
Let's...
let's just talk about something else.
Would anyone like some more chicken?
Oh, God, no.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I'd love some.
Finally.
Someone with an appetite.
Well, he has been living on pb&js, mom.
He has not been living on pb&js, Kevin.
Well, you know, that and ramen noodles, right?
Uh, I'm...
I'm kidding.
My parents live near Phoenix.
Hmm?
Your...
Oh.
Uh, no.
It's, um, it's a band.
Kitty didn't know either.
No, Kitty didn't know either.
Well, you both have very different cultural references.
Mom, he's not in high school.
Not according to the bloggers.
All right.
You know what, Kevin?
Fine.
You've been waiting all night.
Let the jokes begin.
Seth, I swear, she invited me tonight.
Kevin.
What?
You know, this has been a lovely dinner.
But it's getting late, so...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't leave.
I made a pie.
Pie.
Great.
Right.
Well, I should probably stay for some pie, then.
All right, ready for transport.
Michael, honey.
What's...
what's happening?
Look, everything's gonna be okay.
We just have to get your husband to the hospital.
Leah, the firemen will take you.
You'll be right behind us, okay?
I want to come with him.
Okay, leah, listen to me.
Michael's gonna be fine, but I need to work on him, so I can't have you in the truck.
He's gonna be fine?
You promise?
I promise.
Okay, write this down.
His, uh, respiration rate is 65 and shallow, B.P.
is 60 over palp, and his heart rate is tachy at 150.
How far out are we?
Three minutes away.
O-2 and fluids aren't helping.
He's pale and diaphoretic.
Justin, you promised that woman.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
His lung is collapsed.
We can fix it.
How do you know?
I just know.
I've done this a hundred times.
We're losing him.
Okay, all right, I just need to reinflate his lung.
Here?
Yep, here, so cut his shirt open.
Okay, how you doing?
Almost there.
Almost there?
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
All right, I'm just gonna stick the needle between these two ribs, right...
right here.
His lung is reinflated.
He's gonna be okay.
Yeah, he's gonna be okay.
So would anyone like some more pie?
Mnh-mnh.
Oh, mnh-mnh.
No, thanks.
I'd love some.
Well, good.
You know, we could put some in tupperware and you could take it home if you want.
You know, Kevin, just because you always have to diet doesn't mean that you should make fun of people who have a higher metabolism than you do.
Children.
Children?
Karl, do you have any children?
No.
So, Seth...
How is school?
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, he's not just in school, mom.
He...
he's a writer.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm working on a novel, uh, right now.
And he's also working on some short stories.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, have you been published, Seth?
No, I...
Well, no, no, he hasn't been published.
I mean, let's talk about it.
How hard is it to get published in this day and age?
Well, you did it, Karl did it, so...
Well, yes, Karl, but he's...
he's older and more established.
You know, you don't have to make excuses for me.
I'm not making excuses for you.
You've been answering questions for me all night long.
A-are you afraid that I'm gonna embarrass you or...
Well, not until now.
Have you ever even read the short story that I gave you weeks ago, huh?
No.
That's what I thought.
Unbelievable.
Well, as I said before, I think it's time for me to go.
No, no, no, Karl, sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
We have talked enough about other people's problems.
Let's...
let's talk about your book.
I know sometimes you have to shout to be heard around here.
Well, you know, the problem is, is I don't want to shout.
Frankly, this entire meal feels like a group therapy session to me, and usually those come in 50-minute increments.
You said you wanted to get to know my children.
You said you were a control freak...
Oh, for God sake, Nora.
I told you that in confidence, not so you could broadcast it to an entire room full of...
A room of...
of what, strangers?
Karl, these are not strangers.
I'm feeling very uncomfortable right now, so...
good night.
Let's go.
Let's get him out here.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
His vitals normalized after we did a needle decompression in transit.
Wow.
Wow.
Well, that was definitely more serious than the cheese lady.
Yeah.
You know, you're really amazing at this, Justin.
I mean it.
Look, Annie, I know it's a lot with me in the rig and all the time...
No, no, it's...
it's fine.
Seriously.
This is who you are, and I'm okay with that.
As long as we don't have to go out on another call tonight.
Oh, no way.
Thank God.
Are you...
What, do you think I'm crazy?
I've been out since 6:30 in the morning.
Well, I mean, I could come over and maybe make you some dinner.
You deserve to have someone take care of you for a while, Justin.
That sounds really great.
They're all so cute.
Why are they so cute?
Kevin, you said if you came, you would just try to be...
I-I know.
Okay, okay.
But it's just...
I don't know where to begin.
Well, we'll just be ourselves.
Remember what Jill said.
See who we connect with.
Connect with?
What, is this speed dating?
I'm sorry, Scotty.
I don't think I can do this.
Kev...
Hey, are you guys here for the fair?
Yeah.
Cool.
I'm Olivia.
And I can show you around if you want.
Oh, that would...
that'd be great.
Um, I'm Scotty, and this is my husband Kevin.
No way.
You guys are gay?
Kidding.
So here's the deal...
a couple of the younger kids, they're really shy when it comes to these events.
So, like, I was thinking, maybe it would be okay if I introduce you to them.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
That would be great.
Nice.
Come on.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
Oh, Judy.
Look, keep your chin up.
Let me know how it turns out, okay?
Uh, we have time for one more caller.
I'm going to take "Antiques Lover from Los Angeles."
Good morning.
Is that the only name you're gonna give us?
Yeah, I'd like to, uh, remain anonymous if you don't mind.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
Fine, so, uh...
What would you like to talk about, chandeliers?
Um, did you find some pottery at a garage sale?
No, actually, I'd...
I'd like some advice.
I made a, uh, terrible fool of myself last night at my girlfriend's house.
I-I embarrassed myself in front of her entire family.
Oh, well, I'm...
I'm...
I'm...
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Was it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It definitely...
It was a bit of a tantrum.
And, uh, anyway, my question is...
How do I make it up to her?
I don't...
I don't think the real question is, how do you make it up to her?
I think the question is, why were you so uncomfortable in the first place?
I mean, what caused the tantrum, as you put it?
Well, let's just say that, um, uh, the dinner conversation last night was a little too personal for my taste.
That's all.
Too personal?
How is it too pers...
You could just give us some examples for the listeners to understand.
Well, for starters, her family feels that it's appropriate to share every last detail of their lives with each other, with no regard for their guests' sensibilities and boundaries.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Well, don't you think, as the guest, maybe it was up to you to adjust to their dynamic rather than the other way around?
Uh...
What if I can't?
Oh.
Oh.
Listen, um, antiques lover, I-I hate to say this, but it sounds to me like you and your girlfriend are just...
Not a good match.
Oh, that's a little drastic.
Don't you think?
Look, sometimes, two perfectly good people just don't fit together.
You mean change...
Especially antiques.
So...
You think we should just break up?
Yes.
I'm sorry, yes.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, too.
So we're gonna take a short break.
Um, stick with us, okay?
You do realize it's 11:30, right?
You do realize I do have days off?
I'm just checking.
Why, is there a problem?
You got somewhere to be, somewhere you want to go?
No, it's my day off, too.
So what do you want to do?
You don't mind if we do something that doesn't involve an emergency, do you?
No.
Oh, bowling.
We should go bowling.
I don't know about bowling.
Hmm.
You know what?
I don't...
I don't want you to think that I need something from you, okay?
I mean, I've got a busy schedule...
No, okay, Annie...
And I-I've got things.
Annie, Annie, look...
I'm really glad you were there last night.
Me, too.
No, I mean, I'm...
I'm glad you were there to see me do my job...
Which can only mean one thing.
What's that?
I really care about you, Annie.
Justin, you don't...
You don't have to just say that if you...
No one's twisting my arm.
Will you just listen?
Yes.
I've been trying to move forward for a long time.
And I-I feel like I don't have time for anything, but...
after last night, I think that I...
Need to reconsider that.
Well, I know there's only so many hours in a day, Justin.
Yeah, but it's how you arrange 'em.
And it's what you do with 'em.
And I'm not some...
9-to-5 guy, but...
I really want to make this relationship work, Annie.
You've never called it a relationship before.
Yeah.
Well...
I just did.
What?
You...
you laughed.
What's so funny?
Would you...
Seth.
Stop it.
Stop it.
I'm...
I'm almost finished.
Ah.
You said you were a fast reader.
Ju...
No, no, shush.
Okay.
I'm finished.
Okay, good.
Can we...
can we go to lunch now?
Blood loss?
Heavy.
I placed an occlusive dressing on his chest to seal the wound...
smart move.
And his SATs are in the lower 90s.
All right.
On my count.
One, two, three.
Okay, guys.
We got it from here.
Okay.
Nice job, rookie.
Nothing sexier than a man in uniform.
Thank you.
I think she was talking to me, bro.
I know.
I heard the call come in.
Ambulance five on its way.
Yeah, I'd kiss you right now, but I'm kind of covered in blood.
Yeah.
Well, it's better than vomit, though, right?
Oh, no, we've had that today, too.
Ooh.
Yeah, they should really tell you about the sheer number of fluids you'll experience in the paramedic handbook.
Rookie, see ya in the rig, bro.
All right.
Later. "
The rig, bro"?
Oh, he's cool.
He's, uh, kind of hazing the new guy.
He's got me working a double today, so...
Ooh.
What about bowling?
Oh, no.
Bowling is tonight.
Yeah.
It's fine.
Annie, I'm sorry.
It's...
No, it's fine.
I'm not...
You know what?
I'm not even a good bowler, so...
Annie, I'm sorry.
This job, it's just 24/7 and...
I'm beginning to see that.
How about lunch?
Do they give you guys lunch breaks.
Oh.
Yep, duty calls.
I will text you later.
All right.
Sorry.
Of course, change is difficult, but keep up the good work.
Thank you.
Make mine to noradrenaline.
Nora.
You didn't have to stand in line.
I didn't.
I cut in.
Of course you did.
Listen, why don't you, um, have a seat?
Really?
Yeah.
Come on.
Please.
I insist.
All right.
Excuse me.
Well, well, this is all very impressive.
The line is out the door and down the block.
You're, like, a sex symbol.
Oh.
What, am I dating the Robert Redford of psychiatry?
Can you sign it to Trisha?
Sure, Trisha.
Your eyes are even more magnetic in person.
Oh...
yeah.
T-r-I-s-h-a, right?
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Here is...
your phone.
You left it at my place last night.
Oh, how careless of me.
Are we still on for tonight?
Yeah, yeah, 8:00, uh, 8:00 P.M., right? "
Antiques Roadshow," kung pao chicken...
You know what?
We always do the same thing every Friday night.
I know you're a stickler for routine, but how about I roast you a chicken?
And then we can watch your show if it means so much to you.
Her roast chicken is amazing.
Her secret is putting butter under the skin.
You're "dear mom," right?
Yes.
I'm a big fan.
No.
The chicken really is to die for.
Roast chicken it is.
Thank you, Trisha.
I'm so happy for you two.
Are you blushing or holding your breath?
Take a guess.
You know what?
I have to go.
I will see you later tonight.
Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Bye.
Good-bye, ladies.
Hello.
How are you?
It's important to be...
Realistic.
Realistic, that's right.
The foster system isn't perfect.
It's important to be honest about what types of cases you're willing to take on.
Now today, I'd like to get started with everyone's favorite...
Role-playing.
Any volunteers?
Oh.
No, I don't want to.
Um, Scotty, Kevin, come on up.
Great.
Why do you always do this to us?
I'm still traumatized from the diaper Olympics.
Okay, now have a seat in our living room.
And this is your son.
Oh, great.
We'll call him vinny.
Vinny?
There was a, uh, "Jersey Shore" marathon on last night.
Vinny's a nice name.
Okay.
I'm gonna be playing myself.
Ready?
Knock, knock.
Oh, hello, Jill.
Mr.
and Mr.
Walker, I regret to inform you that vinny's mom has decided to reclaim her parental rights to her son.
Well, that's ridiculous.
We've had vinny for over a month now, and she just wants him back?
Scotty, the law clearly states, the birth mother has 60 days to change her mind, so we have no choice.
Kevin, he's our son.
I think what Jill wants to see here is our ability to handle whatever comes our way, including this.
So why don't you give vinny to me?
No, I'm sorry.
This is wrong.
It's a doll, Scotty.
Come on.
Oh, Kevin, please, stay in character.
Yeah.
Okay.
Would you guys like to say your good-byes now?
Isn't there anything else we can do?
I'm afraid there isn't.
Okay, Mr.
practical, you handle it.
I'm, um...
I'm sorry it didn't work out, vinny.
Good-bye.
Oh...
Oh, okay.
All right, you little monkey, papa Scotty and I, we...
we love you very much, but your mom has changed her mind and wants you back.
So...
As much as it breaks our hearts to say this, we have to let you go.
You'll never know how much we wanted to keep you.
Make sure she's good to him.
Wow.
Does everyone cry or just the gay dads?
Your, uh, your phone's ringing.
I know.
I know.
It always rings.
Okay.
Mm.
Wait.
That's my phone.
It never rings.
Ignore it.
Obviously.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
It's my editor?
My high school lab partner?
They can wait.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Mm.
I give up.
I give up.
Sarah?
My cousin hal?
Probably calling me from her business trip.
What?
Hey, Sarah.
Hal, long time, man.
So what, did somebody die?
What? "
The Huffington Post"?
What do you mean, it's all over the Internet?
No.
No.
H-how many hits?
Um, okay, uh, uh, look, I-I-I...
I gotta go.
Somebody told something and it's all over the Internet...
...Leaked the story about us seeing each other...
That we...
I know.
It's gone viral.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is Kevin.
He's texting me. "
The skinny minnie web site picked up the story, and there's a picture."
What?
Oh, no.
What?
You look like you're 16 in that picture.
Uh, that's because I am 16 in that picture.
Oh.
This is my high school yearbook photo.
Shut up.
What was I thinking?
Of course this was gonna blow up.
I mean, I'm dating the dean's son.
This...
this was never gonna be a secret.
Yeah, but I mean, come on, you used to spin things for a living, right?
I mean, how hard can it be?
We just deny it.
No, you don't deny it.
The cover-up is worse than the crime.
Dating me is a crime now?
No.
No, not literally.
It...
thank God.
Oh.
What is that?
It's a personalized ringtone.
Whose?
My mother.
Your mother's?
Oh, turn it...
turn it off.
Okay.
Um...
There.
There.
She's, uh, gone.
Well, good.
Oh.
It's your mother, isn't it?
Yeah.
Ugh.
Damn it.
Okay.
You don't have to talk to her, all right?
Let me handle this.
You're very sweet, but it was my decision to be discreet, so it's my fault.
So whatever she has to say, I can take it.
Hold my hand.
Hello.
Yes, yes.
Hi.
Hi, dean whitley.
Uh-huh.
Uh, sure.
Okay.
Thank you.
She wants to see me...
Today.
Why doesn't she call?
Because she's probably too busy reading this. "
Kitty Walker McCallister and son of dean in sex scandal."
Where are you reading this crap?
The online political rags.
They're calling Seth her "boy toy barista."
Oh, my God.
It's completely absurd.
I mean, Kitty is...
is not even a politician anymore.
I know.
I can't believe the attention she's getting either.
She's even trending on Twitter.
It's like the good ol' days.
Oh, wow.
Look at this picture of him.
He looks like the sixth member of 'Nsync.
Aw.
Oh, crap-o. "
After robbing the dean's cradle, "Kitty m...
or should I say cougar Walker McCallister, "has been teaching at Wexley university for the past month"...
Stop.
Stop.
You're practically salivating, reading all this trash.
Sorry.
Guess I didn't realize how much I miss political scandal.
Oh, I have something for you.
Here.
This is your letter of recommendation.
Oh.
Give it to your social worker.
I hope you're a better father than you are a brother.
Ouch.
Yeah.
Is that Kitty? "
O.M.G.
O.M.G.
Paparazzi at my house."
Paparazzi?
My God.
The world has gone mad. "
Have you talked to mom yet? "
Give me the phone.
No, it takes you, like, five minutes to type "hello."
I'm with mom right now.
Sending all our support and love...
And acne cream.
Kevin.
What did she say? "
Screw you, Kevin."
Aha.
Tell her this is completely ridiculous.
She is allowed to date whomever she wants.
Type it.
Go.
Type it.
Okay.
And besides that, you know, Seth is really a nice boy.
Man.
What?
What does she say? "
Can I come to mom's tonight?
Safer there."
Yes.
Tell her yes, yes.
Karl is coming, too, but he's just gonna have to deal with it.
Tell her to bring Seth.
Well, now I want to come, too.
No.
What?
Absolutely not.
You'll spend the whole evening making fun of her.
I won't.
What does she say? "
Ask mom if you can come, too."
Oh, all right.
Everybody can come.
Great.
Um...
Karl does like us, right?
Yes.
Yes.
He likes you very much.
Good.
In moderation.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Look, would you do me a favor and please be on your best behavior tonight?
He...
he never had a family before.
So you're gonna start him off on ours?
It's the only one I've got.
Well, tell him to drink more.
Look, Karl is a wonderful, highly intelligent man.
All right.
Okay.
He...
he's a little stiff.
But he...
h-he wants to try to change.
Well, then tonight should be fun.
Yeah.
Ooh. "
Later.
I'm off to see the dean."
What are you writing?
Have fun in detention.
So you're gonna want to put the needles in one of the drawers with latches.
Last thing you want is a bunch of sharps flying out at 65 miles per, unless you're a ninja, I guess.
Yeah, sorry, Dan.
But I do know how to fire an m16.
I like you, man.
You're doing good so far.
That nurse chick definitely thought you were the man.
Nurse chick?
Dude, please.
You were so playin' up the hero thing.
I was not.
You hittin' that?
Classy.
Yes!
You are.
I knew it.
Dude, you know what?
Relax, all right?
Good one.
We're just taking it casual.
Really?
Yeah.
Because I would be spending all my free time with a beautiful creature like that.
Well, okay, what free time?
Dude, you're the one taking all the shifts from everyone, working all the time.
You can pull it back a little.
Being a paramedic's what I want to do, and it took me a long time to figure that out, so if that means pulling doubles or working the night shift where I can't go bowling, that's what I'm gonna do.
Okay, but if she feels neglected and starts, I don't know, looking for comfort elsewhere, in maybe a funnier, slightly more desperate man in uniform, don't say I didn't warn you.
You know, you should really take this act on the road.
All units, we have a small house fire in the 6000 block of willoughby.
Smoke inhalation, minor burns.
Feel like roasting some marshmallows?
Hell, yes.
Who's responding?
Dispatch, this is unit five.
We're on our way.
Hello.
Hello, Kitty.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
I feel like I'm at the principal's office.
Uh, I-I really am very sorry that you had to find out about Seth and me like this.
And I understand that I have put the school in a compromised position, and if there is anything that I could possibly do...
Kitty, relax.
The fact that my son is dating an attractive professor probably enhanced our reputation among applicants.
Oh, well...
Obviously, there's so much to find at Wexley in addition to an education.
I want you to know that I'm making a statement supporting you and Seth.
Really?
Wow.
Well, thank you.
I-I want you to know that I do care about your son.
Well, Seth's 27 years old.
He can date whomever he wants.
And I can certainly see why he would be interested in you.
Thank you.
But I have to admit, I'm a little surprised that you are interested in him.
Oh, well, he's...
he's a great guy.
Yes, but...
you had a radio and television show.
You ran for the United States senate.
You are a passionate, ambitious woman.
And Seth, well, he's...
He's working on his master's.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, for the past five years.
He's making a career of it.
I also hear that he is writing short stories and a novel, but...
he still carries a backpack, Kitty.
Well, actually, it's a messenger bag.
But Seth works very hard...
Kitty, be honest.
Is Seth really someone you see yourself with long-term?
I'm not willing to discuss that with you, and thank you very much for the statement, but for the record, Seth and I are very happy at the moment.
Well, I'm sure you are.
Nonetheless, I can't help but think that the reason you're keeping this relationship discreet is not because of me or Wexley, but because you know you can do better.
I don't think that continuing this conversation is going to be particularly productive, so...
Look, it's your life.
It's not mine.
You can make whatever mistakes you want.
I just think I know Seth better than you.
Maybe.
But for his sake, I hope that's not true.
Excuse me.
And that's around the world.
I just kicked your ass.
All right, listen, whatever, cocky.
Let's not forget who won at horse.
Oh, please.
I let you win that.
Didn't want to hurt your manly pride.
Yeah, sure you did.
Sure you did.
Well, how about this...
One shot, double or nothing, and let's see how good you are when you're being guarded?
Done.
Little bit different of a ball game now, huh?
Really?
Yeah.
I like a challenge.
Get outta my way.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Oh!
Oh!
You made me miss that.
Yeah, you're right.
All right.
Let's get a sandwich.
Lunch is over, rookie.
We have a call over by the country club.
Uh, yeah, Dan, uh, I'm on my way.
I gotta go.
Well, you haven't even eaten yet.
Yeah.
Welcome to my lunch breaks.
Look, grab a sandwich and I'll call you later.
Wait a second.
What if I came with you?
What, on my job?
Yeah.
I mean, nurses are supposed to do ride-alongs with paramedics once a year.
I was gonna do it next month, but what if I went tonight instead?
Seriously?
Yeah.
I mean, it's really the only way I'm gonna get a couple of straight hours with you.
Uh...
Annie, I don't...
I don't know if th...
Come on.
I promise you, I will not get in your way.
Scout's honor.
Okay.
Come here.
I'll text you later.
And work on that hook shot.
Everything seems to be in order.
Excellent letters of recommendation.
You indicated here in your preferences that you'd be willing to consider any case, regardless of gender, race, or age?
That's right.
When we started this, we were working with a surrogate, and, um...
I don't know if it's because that didn't work out, but we're more interested in being parents rather than passing on our genes.
You're doing a great thing.
Okay, I know this is quick, but there's an adoption fair tomorrow, if you guys are interested.
Uh, what's that?
It's an event where potential parents can meet and interact with children who are looking to be placed into families.
There are 30,000 kids in foster care here in L.A.
I'll give you two a minute to talk.
Just let me know.
Thank you.
What?
You...
you look nervous.
No, no, no, no.
I'm excited.
It's just, I...
I don't know.
I thought...
I guess I expected we'd be getting a phone call and a placement.
But n-now, what, we have to meet a bunch of kids and figure it out?
Well, I mean, you heard what Jill said.
30,000 kids.
Exactly, so how do we choose the right one?
Hey.
Hey.
You know there are, uh, still two guys out there with cameras?
Ugh.
I hope you ignored them.
Actually, I mooned them.
I so wish you did.
Hey, check out what I, uh, brought Evan.
It's the hulk.
Right?
Wow.
That's really sweet.
I-I had no idea that you still played with toys.
Well, it's more of a...
Collectible, really.
So...
What'd my mom say?
I told you.
She was great.
Still don't believe you.
Seth, did you read the statement that she released?
I mean, she was practically gushing.
Oh, no, no, no.
See, that was just to save the honor of...
of Wexley.
What did she say to you?
Because, you know, sometimes, you have to...
to read between the lines to really appreciate her guilt trip.
You know, she once told me that she wasn't making me feel guilty.
She was just helping me find the guilt already within.
Sweet, huh?
I'm sure that you have a very complicated relationship with her, but with me, she was...
perfectly professional, right?
She was.
You look hot, by the way.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
So...
so do...
Uh, you know, I've never been to Phoenix.
Oh.
Uh, that's a...
that's a band.
Oh.
Oh, right.
Right.
Sorry.
So, you know, I was actually thinking that, um, maybe we shouldn't go tonight.
I mean, between Karl's psychiatry talk, and Kevin's lawyer talk, and my mother and Scotty exchanging recipes, it's just, it's...
it's...
it's...
it's snorefest.
Are you...
are you trying to get out of it?
No.
No.
I just...
Have you really been going to grad school for five years?
Oh.
See?
She did say something.
No, she didn't.
I was just wondering because it actually does seem like a very long time.
Look, I haven't finished my thesis yet, and I told you, I've been working on this novel.
And...
and if either of you have a problem with that then...
You know what?
Don't put your mother and me on the same team, because I actually think that your priorities are great.
Great.
She got to you.
No, she didn't.
In fact, I-I stood up for you.
Really?
Really.
So can you please stop being paranoid?
And can we go?
Because we're gonna be late.
Look...
Kitty, I mean...
I've got my keys, so...
I am so glad you're here.
This is gonna be so much fun, so much better than any old take...
Ooh.
There is my pie.
Pie?
What pie?
Well, it's...
it's not a pupu platter, but...
I wanted everything to be nice.
Nora, why are there six place settings in the dining room?
Well...
That would be for Kevin and Scotty and Kitty and Seth.
And Seth.
He's the...
the college student that Kitty's seeing, right?
He's the graduate student that Kitty is...
You met him, remember?
Yeah, I do remember him.
I just don't remember inviting him to dinner tonight.
No.
No.
I-I-I did that.
Just...
They're going through so much, and I thought it would be...
You thought you'd just bring the storm to us, right?
Karl, she is my daughter.
Yes, and Kevin is your son, yes, but...
Look, if it all gets to be too much for you, we can just go off by ourselves and watch "Antiques Roadshow"...
no, no, no.
No, I don't want you to think that I'm obsessed with that show, it's just that I thought tonight...
That tonight...
It was just the two of us.
I know.
I...
Look, I want you to feel a part of my family.
You haven't seen them since Christmas.
Right.
I don't know.
I-I just...
I felt so proud, being with you today at the book signing.
Nora.
You know...
I could call them and tell them not to come.
No, no.
Tonight's fine.
Obviously, I'm too much of a control freak to have, uh, had my own children, so...
The least I can do is to learn to be friends with yours.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mwah.
Thank you.
Mm.
I still can't believe that woman made us come to her house to change her tv channel.
Some emergency.
Yeah, well, what about the chick who was choking on the mozzarella stick?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, those things are death traps.
We got a car crash at hill and orange grove.
Who's responding?
Hey, we're just a few blocks from there.
Dispatch, this is unit five.
We're on our way.
Unit five, be advised, there are possible fatalities.
Michael.
Michael.
Okay, let's prep to extricate.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Please.
My husband.
Please help him.
Sure.
Are...
are you okay?
My shoulder...
it's from the seat belt.
It's okay.
But please just help him.
All right.
I've got her.
You got him, rookie?
I got him.
I'll go with you.
All right, what's going on?
Yeah, he's pinned under the steering wheel.
We're gonna have to cut him out.
All right, sir.
How you doing?
Can you hear me?
Can you get his head?
Leah, my wife...
Is she okay?
Oh, she's great.
She's great.
She's looking really good.
Annie, you just saw her, right?
Yeah, she's gonna be just fine.
Oh, God.
Oh.
You gave her a little scare, getting stuck in here.
His breathing is labored.
Let's get him some o-2 and ready for transport.
Got it.
All right.
What's your name?
Michael.
Mariah?
That's weird.
No, I'm kidding Michael.
My name's Justin.
Justin.
Karl had the most wonderful book signing today.
It was like Robert Redford came to town.
Oh, which one's Robert Redford?
Oh, Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid. "
The Way We Were," Barbra Streisand.
Mm.
Don't tell me you don't know who Barbra Streisand is.
Uh, news flash.
He's straight, Kevin.
No, no, no, um, "The Way We Were," right.
My mom, uh, my mom loves Barbra Streisand.
Oh.
How's she doing, your mother?
Oh, she's not happy.
Oh, she was actually quite lovely.
Which one is it?
Karl, you like Barbra Streisand, too, don't you?
Yes.
Karl, what's your book called? "
The Empowered Unconscious."
Oh.
It's about using your past to really guide you...
I'm sure they're not interested in my little self-help book, Nora.
Self-help?
No, I would write a self-help book.
But it's quite brilliant, and filled with these wonderful little...
Uh, this chicken is delicious.
Thank you.
Mom can make roast chicken like peanut butter and jelly.
She can do it in her sleep.
Well, uh, I've been having a lot of pb&js these days, and let me tell you, this is a lot better.
Well, Seth, you can come over anytime.
I would be delighted to make you...
No, no, mom.
Mom, he's just...
he's just joking.
He doesn't have that many pb&js.
He eats a lot of food.
He likes a lot of food.
He likes, um, you like sushi, right?
Um, yeah, yeah.
I-I like sushi.
Um, it's expensive, so I can't, uh...
How is the adoption going, guys?
Fine.
It's great.
Well, actually, we are thinking about going to an adoption fair tomorrow.
What's an adoption fair?
Why don't you tell 'em, Scotty?
Well, uh, it's a fair where prospective parents get to meet with kids that need homes.
Yeah, about 20, descending on you at the same time, because that makes it so much easier to bond with...
Stop being so dramatic.
I'm not.
I'm sorry.
I just find the whole thing weird.
And I can't imagine how it feels for them.
They must feel like they're being sold, like puppies in a window.
Kevin, there's no need to shout.
I'm not shouting.
Karl, have you ever done any studies about foster adoptions?
Mnh-mnh.
Well, maybe you could do one on the children who don't get picked.
I'm sure that would be a happy ending.
Kevin, it's a way for people like us to get introduced to kids that are stuck in the system.
Come on.
Let's...
let's just talk about something else.
Would anyone like some more chicken?
Oh, God, no.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I'd love some.
Finally.
Someone with an appetite.
Well, he has been living on pb&js, mom.
He has not been living on pb&js, Kevin.
Well, you know, that and ramen noodles, right?
Uh, I'm...
I'm kidding.
My parents live near Phoenix.
Hmm?
Your...
Oh.
Uh, no.
It's, um, it's a band.
Kitty didn't know either.
No, Kitty didn't know either.
Well, you both have very different cultural references.
Mom, he's not in high school.
Not according to the bloggers.
All right.
You know what, Kevin?
Fine.
You've been waiting all night.
Let the jokes begin.
Seth, I swear, she invited me tonight.
Kevin.
What?
You know, this has been a lovely dinner.
But it's getting late, so...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't leave.
I made a pie.
Pie.
Great.
Right.
Well, I should probably stay for some pie, then.
All right, ready for transport.
Michael, honey.
What's...
what's happening?
Look, everything's gonna be okay.
We just have to get your husband to the hospital.
Leah, the firemen will take you.
You'll be right behind us, okay?
I want to come with him.
Okay, leah, listen to me.
Michael's gonna be fine, but I need to work on him, so I can't have you in the truck.
He's gonna be fine?
You promise?
I promise.
Okay, write this down.
His, uh, respiration rate is 65 and shallow, B.P.
is 60 over palp, and his heart rate is tachy at 150.
How far out are we?
Three minutes away.
O-2 and fluids aren't helping.
He's pale and diaphoretic.
Justin, you promised that woman.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
His lung is collapsed.
We can fix it.
How do you know?
I just know.
I've done this a hundred times.
We're losing him.
Okay, all right, I just need to reinflate his lung.
Here?
Yep, here, so cut his shirt open.
Okay, how you doing?
Almost there.
Almost there?
Okay.
Got it.
Okay.
All right, I'm just gonna stick the needle between these two ribs, right...
right here.
His lung is reinflated.
He's gonna be okay.
Yeah, he's gonna be okay.
So would anyone like some more pie?
Mnh-mnh.
Oh, mnh-mnh.
No, thanks.
I'd love some.
Well, good.
You know, we could put some in tupperware and you could take it home if you want.
You know, Kevin, just because you always have to diet doesn't mean that you should make fun of people who have a higher metabolism than you do.
Children.
Children?
Karl, do you have any children?
No.
So, Seth...
How is school?
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, he's not just in school, mom.
He...
he's a writer.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm working on a novel, uh, right now.
And he's also working on some short stories.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, have you been published, Seth?
No, I...
Well, no, no, he hasn't been published.
I mean, let's talk about it.
How hard is it to get published in this day and age?
Well, you did it, Karl did it, so...
Well, yes, Karl, but he's...
he's older and more established.
You know, you don't have to make excuses for me.
I'm not making excuses for you.
You've been answering questions for me all night long.
A-are you afraid that I'm gonna embarrass you or...
Well, not until now.
Have you ever even read the short story that I gave you weeks ago, huh?
No.
That's what I thought.
Unbelievable.
Well, as I said before, I think it's time for me to go.
No, no, no, Karl, sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down.
We have talked enough about other people's problems.
Let's...
let's talk about your book.
I know sometimes you have to shout to be heard around here.
Well, you know, the problem is, is I don't want to shout.
Frankly, this entire meal feels like a group therapy session to me, and usually those come in 50-minute increments.
You said you wanted to get to know my children.
You said you were a control freak...
Oh, for God sake, Nora.
I told you that in confidence, not so you could broadcast it to an entire room full of...
A room of...
of what, strangers?
Karl, these are not strangers.
I'm feeling very uncomfortable right now, so...
good night.
Let's go.
Let's get him out here.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
His vitals normalized after we did a needle decompression in transit.
Wow.
Wow.
Well, that was definitely more serious than the cheese lady.
Yeah.
You know, you're really amazing at this, Justin.
I mean it.
Look, Annie, I know it's a lot with me in the rig and all the time...
No, no, it's...
it's fine.
Seriously.
This is who you are, and I'm okay with that.
As long as we don't have to go out on another call tonight.
Oh, no way.
Thank God.
Are you...
What, do you think I'm crazy?
I've been out since 6:30 in the morning.
Well, I mean, I could come over and maybe make you some dinner.
You deserve to have someone take care of you for a while, Justin.
That sounds really great.
They're all so cute.
Why are they so cute?
Kevin, you said if you came, you would just try to be...
I-I know.
Okay, okay.
But it's just...
I don't know where to begin.
Well, we'll just be ourselves.
Remember what Jill said.
See who we connect with.
Connect with?
What, is this speed dating?
I'm sorry, Scotty.
I don't think I can do this.
Kev...
Hey, are you guys here for the fair?
Yeah.
Cool.
I'm Olivia.
And I can show you around if you want.
Oh, that would...
that'd be great.
Um, I'm Scotty, and this is my husband Kevin.
No way.
You guys are gay?
Kidding.
So here's the deal...
a couple of the younger kids, they're really shy when it comes to these events.
So, like, I was thinking, maybe it would be okay if I introduce you to them.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
That would be great.
Nice.
Come on.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
Oh, Judy.
Look, keep your chin up.
Let me know how it turns out, okay?
Uh, we have time for one more caller.
I'm going to take "Antiques Lover from Los Angeles."
Good morning.
Is that the only name you're gonna give us?
Yeah, I'd like to, uh, remain anonymous if you don't mind.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
Fine, so, uh...
What would you like to talk about, chandeliers?
Um, did you find some pottery at a garage sale?
No, actually, I'd...
I'd like some advice.
I made a, uh, terrible fool of myself last night at my girlfriend's house.
I-I embarrassed myself in front of her entire family.
Oh, well, I'm...
I'm...
I'm...
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Was it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It definitely...
It was a bit of a tantrum.
And, uh, anyway, my question is...
How do I make it up to her?
I don't...
I don't think the real question is, how do you make it up to her?
I think the question is, why were you so uncomfortable in the first place?
I mean, what caused the tantrum, as you put it?
Well, let's just say that, um, uh, the dinner conversation last night was a little too personal for my taste.
That's all.
Too personal?
How is it too pers...
You could just give us some examples for the listeners to understand.
Well, for starters, her family feels that it's appropriate to share every last detail of their lives with each other, with no regard for their guests' sensibilities and boundaries.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Well, don't you think, as the guest, maybe it was up to you to adjust to their dynamic rather than the other way around?
Uh...
What if I can't?
Oh.
Oh.
Listen, um, antiques lover, I-I hate to say this, but it sounds to me like you and your girlfriend are just...
Not a good match.
Oh, that's a little drastic.
Don't you think?
Look, sometimes, two perfectly good people just don't fit together.
You mean change...
Especially antiques.
So...
You think we should just break up?
Yes.
I'm sorry, yes.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, too.
So we're gonna take a short break.
Um, stick with us, okay?
You do realize it's 11:30, right?
You do realize I do have days off?
I'm just checking.
Why, is there a problem?
You got somewhere to be, somewhere you want to go?
No, it's my day off, too.
So what do you want to do?
You don't mind if we do something that doesn't involve an emergency, do you?
No.
Oh, bowling.
We should go bowling.
I don't know about bowling.
Hmm.
You know what?
I don't...
I don't want you to think that I need something from you, okay?
I mean, I've got a busy schedule...
No, okay, Annie...
And I-I've got things.
Annie, Annie, look...
I'm really glad you were there last night.
Me, too.
No, I mean, I'm...
I'm glad you were there to see me do my job...
Which can only mean one thing.
What's that?
I really care about you, Annie.
Justin, you don't...
You don't have to just say that if you...
No one's twisting my arm.
Will you just listen?
Yes.
I've been trying to move forward for a long time.
And I-I feel like I don't have time for anything, but...
after last night, I think that I...
Need to reconsider that.
Well, I know there's only so many hours in a day, Justin.
Yeah, but it's how you arrange 'em.
And it's what you do with 'em.
And I'm not some...
9-to-5 guy, but...
I really want to make this relationship work, Annie.
You've never called it a relationship before.
Yeah.
Well...
I just did.
What?
You...
you laughed.
What's so funny?
Would you...
Seth.
Stop it.
Stop it.
I'm...
I'm almost finished.
Ah.
You said you were a fast reader.
Ju...
No, no, shush.
Okay.
I'm finished.
Okay, good.
Can we...
can we go to lunch now?