Programma Televisivo: The Simpsons - 1x2
{2957}{3014}Yeah, Mom.|Hurry up.
{3017}{3124}All right.
Mmm.|How about "he"?
{3128}{3227}Two points.|Your turn, dear.
{3229}{3382}Hmm.
How could anyone make a word|out of these lousy letters?
{3386}{3463}Oh, wait.|Here's a good one."
Do."
{3463}{3532}"Id."|Triple word score.
{3536}{3641}- Hey, no abbreviations.|- Not I.D., Dad."Id."
It's a word.
{3643}{3751}- As in,"This game is stup-id."|- Hey, shut up, boy.
{3751}{3838}Yeah, Bart.
You're supposed to be|developing verbal abilities...
{3841}{3915}for your big aptitude test|tomorrow.
{3915}{3994}We could look this "id" thing|up in the dictionary.
{3994}{4113}- We got one?|- I think it's under|the short leg of the couch.
{4209}{4284}"Id: Along with the ego|and the superego...
{4288}{4347}one of three components|of the psyche."
{4347}{4455}- Get outta here.|- My turn."
Kwyjibo."
{4455}{4584}K-W-Y-J-I-B-O.
{4587}{4653}Twenty-two points,|plus triple word score...
{4655}{4722}plus 50 points for using|all my letters.
{4725}{4824}- Game's over.
I'm outta here.|- Wait a minute, you little cheater.
{4827}{4931}You're not going anywhere|until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.
{4934}{5004}" Kwyjibo."
Uh-- {5004}{5123}A big, dumb, balding,|North American ape with no chin.
{5126}{5223}- And a short temper.|- I'll show you a big,|dumb, balding ape!
{5225}{5294}Uh-oh.|Kwyjibo on the loose.
{5351}{5426}We come from Springfield|and we sell swampland {5570}{5678}you there.
No chewing gum on school|grounds.
In the trashcan with it.
{5725}{5785}Principal Skinner...
{5785}{5849}one of my fellow children|is vandalizing school property.
{5849}{5909}Oh?
Where?
{5909}{5984}Over there, sir.|See?
{5986}{6061}- Look out, Bart.
Here comes Skinner.|- Yikes!
{6100}{6175}Hmm.
{6177}{6292}- Whoever did this|is in very deep trouble.
{6295}{6351}And a sloppy speller too.
{6355}{6471}The preferred spelling|of"wiener" is w-i-e-n-e-r...
{6475}{6574}although "e-i"|is an acceptable ethnic variant.
{6576}{6657}Good point.|Boys, let's see your hands.
{6657}{6717}Mm-hmm.
{6717}{6813}Good.
Okay.|Simpson?
{6873}{6927}you might say you|caught him red-handed.
{6930}{7026}Simpson, you and I|are going to have a little talk.
{7028}{7086}Same time, same place?
{7088}{7157}Yes.
In my office|after school.
{7161}{7215}Ooh!
{7326}{7448}Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort|of simpleminded grudge against me.
{7451}{7538}I was merely tying to fend off|the desecration of the school building.
{7541}{7598}- Eat my shorts.|- Pardon?
{7601}{7661}Now, I don't want you|to wory, class.
{7665}{7727}These tests will have|no effect on your grades.
{7730}{7847}They merely determine your future social|status and financial success.
If any.
{7849}{7933}Mrs.
Krabappel, isn't Bart|supposed to face the window...
{7937}{8006}so he won't be tempted to look|at his neighbor's paper?
{8008}{8102}- You're right, Martin.
Bart?
{8104}{8233}Remember to visualize|the complex problems, and relax.
{8237}{8338}The test will start...
now!
{8536}{8634}"At 7:30 a.
m., an express train|traveling 60 miles an hour...
{8638}{8737}leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix,|520 miles away."
{8739}{8809}Shh!|Visualizeit, Bart.
{8812}{8932}"At the same time, a local train|traveling 30 miles an hour...
{8934}{9048}and carrying 40 passengers|leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe.
{9052}{9213}It's eight cars long and|always carries the same number|of passengers in each car.
{9217}{9273}An hour later,|a number of passengers...
{9273}{9378}equal to half the number of minutes|past the hour get off...
{9380}{9462}but three times as many|plus six get on.
{9465}{9564}At the second stop,|half the passengers plus two get off...
{9564}{9639}but twice as many|get on as got on at the first stop."
{9642}{9699}Oof!.
{9764}{9821}- Ticket, please.|- I don't have a ticket.
{9824}{9911}Come with me, boy.
{9914}{10025}- We've got a stowaway, sir.|- I'll pay.
How much?
{10058}{10118}Twice the fare|from Tucson to Flagstaff...
{10118}{10238}minus two-thirds of the fare from|Albuquerque to El Paso.
{10265}{10364}- Whoa!
{10550}{10636}Bart, there are students|in this class with a chance to do well.
{10636}{10696}Will you stop|bothering them?
{10696}{10765}He's not bothering me,|Mrs.
Krabappel.
I'm finished.
{10769}{10825}May I go outside|and read under a tree?
{10829}{10897}Certainly, Martin.
{11179}{11247}What are you|looking at, Bart?
{11247}{11337}Are those naughty dogs|back again?
{11535}{11614}you have 20 minutes, class.
{11813}{11888}He's a good boy now,|and he's getting better...
{11892}{11963}and sometimes even the best sheep|stray from the flock...
{11967}{12023}and need to be hugged|extra hard.
{12027}{12116}That's exactly the kind of crapola|that's lousing him up.
{12120}{12233}Hey, look at this.|"I am a wiener."
{12236}{12308}He sure is.
{12311}{12368}- Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson are here.
{12371}{12428}Send them in.
{12431}{12525}- Hello again.|- What have you done this time, boy?
{12527}{12617}I caught your son|defacing school property this morning.
{12619}{12713}We estimate the damage|at $75, and frankly...
{12716}{12814}we think it's terribly unfair that|other taxpayers should foot the bill.
{12818}{12883}Yeah, it's a crummy system,|but what are you gonna do?
{12947}{13003}Oh, no.|He can't mean that.
{13007}{13076}My wife thinks|you want me to pay for it.
{13078}{13153}- That was the idea.|- Oh.
{13156}{13273}By itself, something like this might|not call for an extreme penalty...
{13273}{13342}but this is not|an isolated incident.
{13346}{13429}Bart's behavior is unruly.
{13432}{13554}He's frequently absent|from school, then gives teachers|pathetic excusenotes...
{13558}{13666}that are obviously childish forgeries|when compared to-- {13738}{13869}Well, at any rate,|it is my reluctant decision-- {13869}{13938}- Mr.
Skinner, Dr.
Pyor|is here to see you.
{13938}{14004}- He says it's urgent.|- Send him in.
{14004}{14160}Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson,|this is our district psychiatrist,|Dr.
J.Loren Pryor.
{14163}{14255}What do we need a psychiatrist for?|We know our kid is nuts.
{14259}{14367}Oh, on the contray.
I have some|vey exciting news for all of us.
{14370}{14429}This aptitude test|we administered this morning...
{14429}{14532}has revealed that the young Bart here|is what we call a "gifted child."
{14532}{14607}- A what?|- Your son is a genius, Mr.
Simpson.
{14607}{14667}- Bart?|- This lunkhead?|- Impossible.
{14669}{14726}No, no,|we're quite certain.
{14729}{14786}The child is not supposed|to know his own IQ, of course...
{14789}{14868}but, uh, you can see|it's beyond the range of any doubt.
{14870}{15005}- 912!|- Uh, no, you have it|upside down.
It's 216.
{15008}{15089}- Oh.|- That's still amazingly high.
{15091}{15194}Tell me, Bart,|are you ever bored in school?
{15194}{15254}- Oh, you bet.|- Mm-hmm.
{15254}{15314}Ever feel a little frustrated?
{15314}{15380}- All the time, sir.|- Uh-huh.
{15383}{15439}Do you ever dream|of leaving your class...
{15443}{15529}to pursue your own intellectual|development on an independent basis?
{15532}{15631}- Wow!
It's like you're|reading my mind, man.|- Uh-huh.
{15634}{15691}you see, when a child|with Bart's intellect...
{15694}{15769}is forced to slow down|to the pace of a normal person...
{15772}{15882}he's probably going to lash out|in ways like these.
{15882}{15942}I think we should retest him.
{15942}{16036}- We should move him to another school.|- Ooh.
Better yet.
{16039}{16099}Bart, we'd like you|to try a kind of school...
{16099}{16242}that doesn't rely on grades and rules|and bells and buzzers.
{16242}{16302}A school without walls...
{16302}{16401}where you do as much or as little of|the assignments as you feel you need to.
{16401}{16476}- Does that sound good, Bart?|- Sign me up, Doc.
{16482}{16572}Excellent.
We're all set.|Here's all the information you need.
{16575}{16635}Show up around nine-ish.
{16635}{16725}Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson,|congratulations once again.
{16727}{16787}I think we're all|in a mood to celebrate.
{16791}{16916}Doc, this is all too much.
I mean,|my son a genius?
How does it happen?
{16920}{17081}Genius-level intelligence is usually|the result of heredity and environment.
{17085}{17225}Although, in some cases,|it's a total mystery.
{17312}{17370}Aw, come on, Mom.
{17372}{17428}you look vey|intelligent, dear.
{17432}{17488}No way!
{17563}{17648}How about a tie, son?
Eveybody knows|boy geniuses wear ties.
{17651}{17713}You're stifling|my creativity, Dad.
{17717}{17788}- Sorry, boy.|- Bart, this is a big day for you.
{17788}{17857}Why don't you eat something|a little more nutritious?
{17861}{17986}Nonsense, Marge.
Frosty Krusty Flakes|are what got him where he is today.
{17989}{18094}It could be one of these chemicals here|that makes him so smart.
{18097}{18181}Lisa, maybe you should|try some of this.
{18184}{18292}- Homer!|- I'm just saying why not have|two geniuses in the family?
{18294}{18373}Sort of a spare in case|Bart's brain blows up.
{18376}{18472}I don't care what that stupid|test says, Bart.
You're a dimwit.
{18474}{18532}Maybe so,|but from now on...
{18534}{18594}this dimwit|is on easy street.
{18637}{18727}- No rush, Dad.
Take the scenic route.|- Gotcha.
{18984}{19044}Oh, no.
Ties.
{19047}{19110}Don't worry, son.|you can have mine.
{19113}{19188}Here.
Let me show you|how to put on a tie.
{19190}{19274}The hook goes over the top|and these things go in there.
{19274}{19347}Thanks, Dad.
{19407}{19463}you kissed me.
{19463}{19598}There's nothing wrong with a father|kissing his son.
I think.
{19601}{19676}Now go on, boy,|and pay attention.
{19679}{19763}Because if you do, one day|you may achieve something...
{19766}{19859}that we Simpsons|have dreamed about for generations.
{19859}{19928}you may outsmart someone.
{20030}{20090}You must be Bart Simpson.
{20093}{20194}I'm Ms.
Melon,|your learning coordinator.
{20198}{20288}Let me say right at the start|that we have one rule here: {20290}{20348}Make your own rules.
{20350}{20425}If you feel sleepy,|take a nap.
{20425}{20524}If you get bored, feel free|to take out a book and start reading.
{20528}{20602}- What should I read, ma'am?|- Anything you want, Bart.
{20686}{20742}Oh!
{20746}{20802}A comic book?
{20806}{20871}How did this|get mixed in here?
{20875}{21010}We used it last week as a prop|in a film we made about illiteracy.
{21010}{21072}Bart, these are the students|who will share your work area.
{21075}{21132}This is Ethan Foley.
{21135}{21240}O Memsahib, Bart.|Rabbi has memo.
{21244}{21342}- What?|- Ethan's very good with palindromes.
{21342}{21432}you know, sentences spelled|the same backwards and forwards.
{21435}{21492}And this is Sidney Swift.
{21495}{21585}- Trabing norm doog.|- What's your problem?
{21585}{21642}Oh, don't mind Sidney.
{21645}{21720}He's just speaking|in backwards phonetics today.
{21722}{21782}He said,|"Good morning, Bart."
{21786}{21870}- And this is Cecile Shapiro.|- Hi, Bart.
{21872}{21926}Cool hamsters.|What are their names?
{21926}{22031}Hamster Number One has been infected|with a staphylococci virus.
{22031}{22103}Hamster NumberTwo|is the control hamster.
{22103}{22163}Hi, little control hamster.
{22163}{22273}I wouldn't get too attached.|We're dissecting him next week.
{22277}{22333}Discover your desks, people.
{22337}{22408}Now let's all welcome|the newest member...
{22408}{22492}of our collective experience,|Bart Simpson.
{22552}{22622}And now we can continue|our debate from yesterday.
{22624}{22691}When we left off,|Calvin and Tanya were arguing...
{22693}{22751}that free will|is an illusion.
{22753}{22837}If you ask me,|humankind has freedom...
{22841}{22921}a freedom fraught|with paradoxes.
{22924}{22989}Freud shows how childhood|shapes our subconscious mind...
{22993}{23059}but this helps us|to think for ourselves.
{23059}{23119}Very good, Ian.
{23119}{23251}Does anyone else|have an example of a paradox?
{23253}{23347}Without law and order,|man has no freedom.
{23349}{23431}If you want peace,|you must prepare for war.
{23433}{23491}Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
{23493}{23553}Well, it seems|the smartest child in the class...
{23557}{23617}is also the quietest.
{23617}{23685}Bart, what other paradoxes|affect our lives?
{23802}{23880}Well...
you're|damned if you do...
{23883}{23945}and you're damned|if you don't.
{23949}{24048}Well, I guess that|would be a paradox too.
{24050}{24110}Thank you, Bart.
{24114}{24177}Whew!
{24233}{24338}Tell you what, Bart.
I'll trade you|the weight of a bowling ball...
{24342}{24404}on the eighth moon|of Jupiter from my lunch...
{24404}{24524}for the weight of a feather on the|second moon of Neptune from your lunch.
{24526}{24608}- Well, okay.|- There you go!
{24671}{24779}I'll trade you1,000 picoliters|of my milk for 4 gills of yours.
{24781}{24878}- Well, all right.|- Anything you say.
{24929}{25030}Uh, Bart, would you wager|your cupcake against my-- {25034}{25090}Save your breath.
{25094}{25156}What do you think|of the new kid?
{25159}{25216}A rather mediocre genius.
{25219}{25306}Yes, not vey bright at all.
{25435}{25512}- So, how was it?
{25516}{25555}- Os-os.|- What?
{25557}{25647}- That's backwards for so-so.|- Wow.
{25651}{25720}What are you reading there?|Comic books?
{25720}{25810}Uh, guess you don't want|to overheat the old noggin, eh?
{25812}{25870}Tell you what.
{25872}{25930}To celebrate your first day|of genius school...
{25932}{26014}what do you say we go out for a round|off rosty chocolate milkshakes?
{26016}{26074}All righty!
{26076}{26194}Bart, I feel so bad for going|so many years without...
{26194}{26252}mmm, hmm-- {26252}{26349}What's that word where you|encourage something to grow?
{26412}{26507}- Nurturing.|- Nurturing your brilliant brain...
{26511}{26576}so I got tickets|to the opera tonight.
{26580}{26640}Hurry up.
Get dressed.|It starts at 8:00.
{26642}{26702}Oh, Mom.|Not tonight.
{26702}{26792}Bart, your mother's only tying to help,|so go ahead and enjoy the show.
{26795}{26933}- Homer, you're going too.|- But I'm not a genius.|Why should I suffer?
{27011}{27098}Hey, Lis, keep an eye out|for the guy with the peanuts.
{27101}{27170}There's no guy|with peanuts, dear.
{27173}{27275}- Geez.
No beer.
No opera dogs.|- Shh!
{27502}{27611}Toreador, oh,|don't spit on the floor {27613}{27736}Please use the cuspidor|That's what it's for {27739}{27819}- Bart, stop fooling around.
{27823}{27879}Homer, stop encouraging him.
{27883}{27939}Don't stifle the boy, Marge.
{27943}{28023}- We're supposed to encourage him.|- Shush!
{28650}{28707}Shh!
{28872}{28985}- Who's the lard butt?|-He's the bullfighter.
{28985}{29058}No way a bull's gonna miss|a target that big, man.
{29441}{29515}Who are those people?
{29519}{29626}P.U.When is this over?
{29630}{29686}It ain't over|till the fat lady sings.
{29690}{29746}Is that one fat enough|for you, son?
{29851}{29933}Let's go get a burger.
{29963}{30023}So,"Y" equals|" R" cubed over three.
{30023}{30121}And if you determine the rate of change|in this curve correctly...
{30124}{30233}I think you will be|pleasantly surprised.
{30361}{30460}Don't you get it, Bart?|Derivative D-Y equals three R squared...
{30460}{30636}D R over three, or R squared D R,|or R D R R.
{30640}{30711}Har-dee-har-har.|Get it?
{30711}{30810}Oh, yeah.
{30984}{31050}Hi, guys.|Great to see ya.
{31052}{31149}- Get lost, Poindexter.|- Yeah, beat it, Professor.
{31152}{31232}Why don't you go build|a rocket ship, brainiac?
{31311}{31425}Well, come on, you two.|Don't forget about the film festival.
{31427}{31502}- The what?|- Oh, sorry, Bart.
{31502}{31592}Your mother bought us tickets|to a snooty movie...
{31595}{31652}directed by|some Swedish meatball.
{31655}{31751}Oh, no.
{31755}{31828}Well, I guess we don't|have to do that.
{31828}{31958}Um, look, Dad.|I got something to tell you.
{31961}{32027}Can it wait, son?|It's getting kinda dark.
{32060}{32120}All right, Homer.|Come on, baby.
{32120}{32195}- Right across the plate.|Let me feel the wind.
{32197}{32287}Whoa!
Strike two!|Two and two.
{32291}{32362}Can you still|see the ball, Bart?
{32366}{32449}Don't worry, Home boy.|You're not that fast.
{32449}{32509}Oh, you don't|think so, eh?
{32509}{32617}Well, here comes|some real heat.
{32619}{32716}Whoa!
Yeah, strike three!|You're outta there!
{32716}{32827}- So, what was it you|wanted to tell me, son?|- Oh, nothing, Pop.
{32872}{32941}I'm still trying|to get you a labpartner, Bart.
{32943}{33037}If we don't get any volunteers soon,|I'll assign somebody.
{33039}{33108}Say, what's that?|It looks dangerous.
{33112}{33222}Well, it's really pretty|top secret, ma'am.
{33226}{33282}All right, keep going.
{33286}{33378}But you do know what happens|when you mix acids and bases, right?
{33380}{33440}- 'Course I do.
{33575}{33639}- Sorry.
{33639}{33777}Now, Bart, we want to emphasize|that nobody's angry about this.
{33777}{33839}We're--|We're just concerned.
{33843}{33963}When a young man with a 216 IQ|can't make a simple experiment work...
{33965}{34067}well, it doesn't take a Bart Simpson|to figure out that something's wrong.
{34070}{34157}Tell me.
Is the class|moving too slowly for you?
{34157}{34250}- Lord, no.|- Well, then, what can|we do to make you happy?
{34253}{34310}I wanna go back|to my old class.
{34313}{34373}Oh, but, Bart,|don't you remember the boredom...
{34373}{34471}the ennui,|the intellectual malaise?
{34471}{34534}Yeah, well, you know,|kinda, um...
{34538}{34606}but I was thinking|I could go undercover.
{34609}{34720}Undercover?|Bart, I'm intrigued.
Go on.
{34724}{34823}Well, I could pretend|I'm a regular dumb kid.
{34825}{34921}you know, to study them and all|the stuff they do with each other.
{34924}{34981}you know, see what|makes them tick.
{34984}{35056}I see.
Like Jane Goodall|and the chimps.
{35059}{35146}- Yeah.|- Uh-huh.
This is most impressive, Bart.
{35149}{35236}you write up your proposal|while I talk to Principal Skinner.
{35239}{35310}- Proposal?|- you know, outline your project...
{35314}{35404}what you hope to achieve,|what you'll require to do it.
{35404}{35466}Gotcha, man.
{35466}{35614}"'My proposal' by Bart Simpson.
{35616}{35704}I want to pretend...
{35706}{35826}I am a regular dumb kid.|Period.
{35826}{35942}By this, I hope--" {35946}{36105}Oh, no.|" For this, I will--" {36107}{36240}Ohh."
Require--" {36240}{36380}Ohh.
Oh, man.
{36380}{36500}"'My Confession'|by Bart Simpson.
{36500}{36613}I am a regular|dumb kid.
Period.
{36617}{36740}I cheated on|my intelligence test.
Period."
{36740}{36802}Ah, finished already?
{36806}{36913}Principal Skinner will be|vey interested to-- to-- {36917}{37018}Oh.
You know...
{37022}{37096}you misspelled "confession."
{37100}{37156}Hey, lookin' good, Bart.
{37160}{37276}- Bart, what happened?|- I had a little accident|in chemisty today.
{37280}{37423}Well, I bet it's nothing a little|turpentine won't take off.
Come on, son.
{37456}{37516}Don't be discouraged, son.
{37516}{37576}I bet Einstein turned himself|all sorts of colors...
{37576}{37648}before he invented|the lightbulb.
{37648}{37719}Dad, I gotta tell you something.
{37719}{37777}Hope you won't be too mad.
{37779}{37884}- What is it, son?|- I'm not a genius, Dad.
{37884}{38013}- What?|- I cheated on the intelligence test.
{38017}{38103}I'm sorry.
Butl|just want to say...
{38106}{38178}that the past few weeks|have been great.
{38181}{38244}Me and you have|done stuff together.
{38247}{38304}You've helped me out|with things...
{38307}{38376}and we're closer|than we've ever been.
{38379}{38439}I love you, Dad.
{38442}{38564}And I think if something|can bring us that close...
{38568}{38633}it can't possibly be bad.
{38637}{38757}- Why, you little--|- Uh-oh.
{38759}{38870}- What's going on out there?
{38873}{38933}I think Bart's|stupid again, Mom.
{38933}{38993}Oh, well.
{39047}{39119}you can't stay|in there forever!
{39122}{39235}- I can ty.|- March your butt right out here, now!
{39235}{39374}- No way, man.|- But-- Son, if you don't come out...
{39376}{39496}I can't hug you and kiss you|and make you feel all better.
{39499}{39604}you think I'm dumb enough|to fall for that?
I'm insulted.
{40230}{40329}Subtitles By|Captions, Inc.
Los Angeles {41246}{41306}Shh!
{3017}{3124}All right.
Mmm.|How about "he"?
{3128}{3227}Two points.|Your turn, dear.
{3229}{3382}Hmm.
How could anyone make a word|out of these lousy letters?
{3386}{3463}Oh, wait.|Here's a good one."
Do."
{3463}{3532}"Id."|Triple word score.
{3536}{3641}- Hey, no abbreviations.|- Not I.D., Dad."Id."
It's a word.
{3643}{3751}- As in,"This game is stup-id."|- Hey, shut up, boy.
{3751}{3838}Yeah, Bart.
You're supposed to be|developing verbal abilities...
{3841}{3915}for your big aptitude test|tomorrow.
{3915}{3994}We could look this "id" thing|up in the dictionary.
{3994}{4113}- We got one?|- I think it's under|the short leg of the couch.
{4209}{4284}"Id: Along with the ego|and the superego...
{4288}{4347}one of three components|of the psyche."
{4347}{4455}- Get outta here.|- My turn."
Kwyjibo."
{4455}{4584}K-W-Y-J-I-B-O.
{4587}{4653}Twenty-two points,|plus triple word score...
{4655}{4722}plus 50 points for using|all my letters.
{4725}{4824}- Game's over.
I'm outta here.|- Wait a minute, you little cheater.
{4827}{4931}You're not going anywhere|until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.
{4934}{5004}" Kwyjibo."
Uh-- {5004}{5123}A big, dumb, balding,|North American ape with no chin.
{5126}{5223}- And a short temper.|- I'll show you a big,|dumb, balding ape!
{5225}{5294}Uh-oh.|Kwyjibo on the loose.
{5351}{5426}We come from Springfield|and we sell swampland {5570}{5678}you there.
No chewing gum on school|grounds.
In the trashcan with it.
{5725}{5785}Principal Skinner...
{5785}{5849}one of my fellow children|is vandalizing school property.
{5849}{5909}Oh?
Where?
{5909}{5984}Over there, sir.|See?
{5986}{6061}- Look out, Bart.
Here comes Skinner.|- Yikes!
{6100}{6175}Hmm.
{6177}{6292}- Whoever did this|is in very deep trouble.
{6295}{6351}And a sloppy speller too.
{6355}{6471}The preferred spelling|of"wiener" is w-i-e-n-e-r...
{6475}{6574}although "e-i"|is an acceptable ethnic variant.
{6576}{6657}Good point.|Boys, let's see your hands.
{6657}{6717}Mm-hmm.
{6717}{6813}Good.
Okay.|Simpson?
{6873}{6927}you might say you|caught him red-handed.
{6930}{7026}Simpson, you and I|are going to have a little talk.
{7028}{7086}Same time, same place?
{7088}{7157}Yes.
In my office|after school.
{7161}{7215}Ooh!
{7326}{7448}Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort|of simpleminded grudge against me.
{7451}{7538}I was merely tying to fend off|the desecration of the school building.
{7541}{7598}- Eat my shorts.|- Pardon?
{7601}{7661}Now, I don't want you|to wory, class.
{7665}{7727}These tests will have|no effect on your grades.
{7730}{7847}They merely determine your future social|status and financial success.
If any.
{7849}{7933}Mrs.
Krabappel, isn't Bart|supposed to face the window...
{7937}{8006}so he won't be tempted to look|at his neighbor's paper?
{8008}{8102}- You're right, Martin.
Bart?
{8104}{8233}Remember to visualize|the complex problems, and relax.
{8237}{8338}The test will start...
now!
{8536}{8634}"At 7:30 a.
m., an express train|traveling 60 miles an hour...
{8638}{8737}leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix,|520 miles away."
{8739}{8809}Shh!|Visualizeit, Bart.
{8812}{8932}"At the same time, a local train|traveling 30 miles an hour...
{8934}{9048}and carrying 40 passengers|leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe.
{9052}{9213}It's eight cars long and|always carries the same number|of passengers in each car.
{9217}{9273}An hour later,|a number of passengers...
{9273}{9378}equal to half the number of minutes|past the hour get off...
{9380}{9462}but three times as many|plus six get on.
{9465}{9564}At the second stop,|half the passengers plus two get off...
{9564}{9639}but twice as many|get on as got on at the first stop."
{9642}{9699}Oof!.
{9764}{9821}- Ticket, please.|- I don't have a ticket.
{9824}{9911}Come with me, boy.
{9914}{10025}- We've got a stowaway, sir.|- I'll pay.
How much?
{10058}{10118}Twice the fare|from Tucson to Flagstaff...
{10118}{10238}minus two-thirds of the fare from|Albuquerque to El Paso.
{10265}{10364}- Whoa!
{10550}{10636}Bart, there are students|in this class with a chance to do well.
{10636}{10696}Will you stop|bothering them?
{10696}{10765}He's not bothering me,|Mrs.
Krabappel.
I'm finished.
{10769}{10825}May I go outside|and read under a tree?
{10829}{10897}Certainly, Martin.
{11179}{11247}What are you|looking at, Bart?
{11247}{11337}Are those naughty dogs|back again?
{11535}{11614}you have 20 minutes, class.
{11813}{11888}He's a good boy now,|and he's getting better...
{11892}{11963}and sometimes even the best sheep|stray from the flock...
{11967}{12023}and need to be hugged|extra hard.
{12027}{12116}That's exactly the kind of crapola|that's lousing him up.
{12120}{12233}Hey, look at this.|"I am a wiener."
{12236}{12308}He sure is.
{12311}{12368}- Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson are here.
{12371}{12428}Send them in.
{12431}{12525}- Hello again.|- What have you done this time, boy?
{12527}{12617}I caught your son|defacing school property this morning.
{12619}{12713}We estimate the damage|at $75, and frankly...
{12716}{12814}we think it's terribly unfair that|other taxpayers should foot the bill.
{12818}{12883}Yeah, it's a crummy system,|but what are you gonna do?
{12947}{13003}Oh, no.|He can't mean that.
{13007}{13076}My wife thinks|you want me to pay for it.
{13078}{13153}- That was the idea.|- Oh.
{13156}{13273}By itself, something like this might|not call for an extreme penalty...
{13273}{13342}but this is not|an isolated incident.
{13346}{13429}Bart's behavior is unruly.
{13432}{13554}He's frequently absent|from school, then gives teachers|pathetic excusenotes...
{13558}{13666}that are obviously childish forgeries|when compared to-- {13738}{13869}Well, at any rate,|it is my reluctant decision-- {13869}{13938}- Mr.
Skinner, Dr.
Pyor|is here to see you.
{13938}{14004}- He says it's urgent.|- Send him in.
{14004}{14160}Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson,|this is our district psychiatrist,|Dr.
J.Loren Pryor.
{14163}{14255}What do we need a psychiatrist for?|We know our kid is nuts.
{14259}{14367}Oh, on the contray.
I have some|vey exciting news for all of us.
{14370}{14429}This aptitude test|we administered this morning...
{14429}{14532}has revealed that the young Bart here|is what we call a "gifted child."
{14532}{14607}- A what?|- Your son is a genius, Mr.
Simpson.
{14607}{14667}- Bart?|- This lunkhead?|- Impossible.
{14669}{14726}No, no,|we're quite certain.
{14729}{14786}The child is not supposed|to know his own IQ, of course...
{14789}{14868}but, uh, you can see|it's beyond the range of any doubt.
{14870}{15005}- 912!|- Uh, no, you have it|upside down.
It's 216.
{15008}{15089}- Oh.|- That's still amazingly high.
{15091}{15194}Tell me, Bart,|are you ever bored in school?
{15194}{15254}- Oh, you bet.|- Mm-hmm.
{15254}{15314}Ever feel a little frustrated?
{15314}{15380}- All the time, sir.|- Uh-huh.
{15383}{15439}Do you ever dream|of leaving your class...
{15443}{15529}to pursue your own intellectual|development on an independent basis?
{15532}{15631}- Wow!
It's like you're|reading my mind, man.|- Uh-huh.
{15634}{15691}you see, when a child|with Bart's intellect...
{15694}{15769}is forced to slow down|to the pace of a normal person...
{15772}{15882}he's probably going to lash out|in ways like these.
{15882}{15942}I think we should retest him.
{15942}{16036}- We should move him to another school.|- Ooh.
Better yet.
{16039}{16099}Bart, we'd like you|to try a kind of school...
{16099}{16242}that doesn't rely on grades and rules|and bells and buzzers.
{16242}{16302}A school without walls...
{16302}{16401}where you do as much or as little of|the assignments as you feel you need to.
{16401}{16476}- Does that sound good, Bart?|- Sign me up, Doc.
{16482}{16572}Excellent.
We're all set.|Here's all the information you need.
{16575}{16635}Show up around nine-ish.
{16635}{16725}Mr.
and Mrs.
Simpson,|congratulations once again.
{16727}{16787}I think we're all|in a mood to celebrate.
{16791}{16916}Doc, this is all too much.
I mean,|my son a genius?
How does it happen?
{16920}{17081}Genius-level intelligence is usually|the result of heredity and environment.
{17085}{17225}Although, in some cases,|it's a total mystery.
{17312}{17370}Aw, come on, Mom.
{17372}{17428}you look vey|intelligent, dear.
{17432}{17488}No way!
{17563}{17648}How about a tie, son?
Eveybody knows|boy geniuses wear ties.
{17651}{17713}You're stifling|my creativity, Dad.
{17717}{17788}- Sorry, boy.|- Bart, this is a big day for you.
{17788}{17857}Why don't you eat something|a little more nutritious?
{17861}{17986}Nonsense, Marge.
Frosty Krusty Flakes|are what got him where he is today.
{17989}{18094}It could be one of these chemicals here|that makes him so smart.
{18097}{18181}Lisa, maybe you should|try some of this.
{18184}{18292}- Homer!|- I'm just saying why not have|two geniuses in the family?
{18294}{18373}Sort of a spare in case|Bart's brain blows up.
{18376}{18472}I don't care what that stupid|test says, Bart.
You're a dimwit.
{18474}{18532}Maybe so,|but from now on...
{18534}{18594}this dimwit|is on easy street.
{18637}{18727}- No rush, Dad.
Take the scenic route.|- Gotcha.
{18984}{19044}Oh, no.
Ties.
{19047}{19110}Don't worry, son.|you can have mine.
{19113}{19188}Here.
Let me show you|how to put on a tie.
{19190}{19274}The hook goes over the top|and these things go in there.
{19274}{19347}Thanks, Dad.
{19407}{19463}you kissed me.
{19463}{19598}There's nothing wrong with a father|kissing his son.
I think.
{19601}{19676}Now go on, boy,|and pay attention.
{19679}{19763}Because if you do, one day|you may achieve something...
{19766}{19859}that we Simpsons|have dreamed about for generations.
{19859}{19928}you may outsmart someone.
{20030}{20090}You must be Bart Simpson.
{20093}{20194}I'm Ms.
Melon,|your learning coordinator.
{20198}{20288}Let me say right at the start|that we have one rule here: {20290}{20348}Make your own rules.
{20350}{20425}If you feel sleepy,|take a nap.
{20425}{20524}If you get bored, feel free|to take out a book and start reading.
{20528}{20602}- What should I read, ma'am?|- Anything you want, Bart.
{20686}{20742}Oh!
{20746}{20802}A comic book?
{20806}{20871}How did this|get mixed in here?
{20875}{21010}We used it last week as a prop|in a film we made about illiteracy.
{21010}{21072}Bart, these are the students|who will share your work area.
{21075}{21132}This is Ethan Foley.
{21135}{21240}O Memsahib, Bart.|Rabbi has memo.
{21244}{21342}- What?|- Ethan's very good with palindromes.
{21342}{21432}you know, sentences spelled|the same backwards and forwards.
{21435}{21492}And this is Sidney Swift.
{21495}{21585}- Trabing norm doog.|- What's your problem?
{21585}{21642}Oh, don't mind Sidney.
{21645}{21720}He's just speaking|in backwards phonetics today.
{21722}{21782}He said,|"Good morning, Bart."
{21786}{21870}- And this is Cecile Shapiro.|- Hi, Bart.
{21872}{21926}Cool hamsters.|What are their names?
{21926}{22031}Hamster Number One has been infected|with a staphylococci virus.
{22031}{22103}Hamster NumberTwo|is the control hamster.
{22103}{22163}Hi, little control hamster.
{22163}{22273}I wouldn't get too attached.|We're dissecting him next week.
{22277}{22333}Discover your desks, people.
{22337}{22408}Now let's all welcome|the newest member...
{22408}{22492}of our collective experience,|Bart Simpson.
{22552}{22622}And now we can continue|our debate from yesterday.
{22624}{22691}When we left off,|Calvin and Tanya were arguing...
{22693}{22751}that free will|is an illusion.
{22753}{22837}If you ask me,|humankind has freedom...
{22841}{22921}a freedom fraught|with paradoxes.
{22924}{22989}Freud shows how childhood|shapes our subconscious mind...
{22993}{23059}but this helps us|to think for ourselves.
{23059}{23119}Very good, Ian.
{23119}{23251}Does anyone else|have an example of a paradox?
{23253}{23347}Without law and order,|man has no freedom.
{23349}{23431}If you want peace,|you must prepare for war.
{23433}{23491}Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
{23493}{23553}Well, it seems|the smartest child in the class...
{23557}{23617}is also the quietest.
{23617}{23685}Bart, what other paradoxes|affect our lives?
{23802}{23880}Well...
you're|damned if you do...
{23883}{23945}and you're damned|if you don't.
{23949}{24048}Well, I guess that|would be a paradox too.
{24050}{24110}Thank you, Bart.
{24114}{24177}Whew!
{24233}{24338}Tell you what, Bart.
I'll trade you|the weight of a bowling ball...
{24342}{24404}on the eighth moon|of Jupiter from my lunch...
{24404}{24524}for the weight of a feather on the|second moon of Neptune from your lunch.
{24526}{24608}- Well, okay.|- There you go!
{24671}{24779}I'll trade you1,000 picoliters|of my milk for 4 gills of yours.
{24781}{24878}- Well, all right.|- Anything you say.
{24929}{25030}Uh, Bart, would you wager|your cupcake against my-- {25034}{25090}Save your breath.
{25094}{25156}What do you think|of the new kid?
{25159}{25216}A rather mediocre genius.
{25219}{25306}Yes, not vey bright at all.
{25435}{25512}- So, how was it?
{25516}{25555}- Os-os.|- What?
{25557}{25647}- That's backwards for so-so.|- Wow.
{25651}{25720}What are you reading there?|Comic books?
{25720}{25810}Uh, guess you don't want|to overheat the old noggin, eh?
{25812}{25870}Tell you what.
{25872}{25930}To celebrate your first day|of genius school...
{25932}{26014}what do you say we go out for a round|off rosty chocolate milkshakes?
{26016}{26074}All righty!
{26076}{26194}Bart, I feel so bad for going|so many years without...
{26194}{26252}mmm, hmm-- {26252}{26349}What's that word where you|encourage something to grow?
{26412}{26507}- Nurturing.|- Nurturing your brilliant brain...
{26511}{26576}so I got tickets|to the opera tonight.
{26580}{26640}Hurry up.
Get dressed.|It starts at 8:00.
{26642}{26702}Oh, Mom.|Not tonight.
{26702}{26792}Bart, your mother's only tying to help,|so go ahead and enjoy the show.
{26795}{26933}- Homer, you're going too.|- But I'm not a genius.|Why should I suffer?
{27011}{27098}Hey, Lis, keep an eye out|for the guy with the peanuts.
{27101}{27170}There's no guy|with peanuts, dear.
{27173}{27275}- Geez.
No beer.
No opera dogs.|- Shh!
{27502}{27611}Toreador, oh,|don't spit on the floor {27613}{27736}Please use the cuspidor|That's what it's for {27739}{27819}- Bart, stop fooling around.
{27823}{27879}Homer, stop encouraging him.
{27883}{27939}Don't stifle the boy, Marge.
{27943}{28023}- We're supposed to encourage him.|- Shush!
{28650}{28707}Shh!
{28872}{28985}- Who's the lard butt?|-He's the bullfighter.
{28985}{29058}No way a bull's gonna miss|a target that big, man.
{29441}{29515}Who are those people?
{29519}{29626}P.U.When is this over?
{29630}{29686}It ain't over|till the fat lady sings.
{29690}{29746}Is that one fat enough|for you, son?
{29851}{29933}Let's go get a burger.
{29963}{30023}So,"Y" equals|" R" cubed over three.
{30023}{30121}And if you determine the rate of change|in this curve correctly...
{30124}{30233}I think you will be|pleasantly surprised.
{30361}{30460}Don't you get it, Bart?|Derivative D-Y equals three R squared...
{30460}{30636}D R over three, or R squared D R,|or R D R R.
{30640}{30711}Har-dee-har-har.|Get it?
{30711}{30810}Oh, yeah.
{30984}{31050}Hi, guys.|Great to see ya.
{31052}{31149}- Get lost, Poindexter.|- Yeah, beat it, Professor.
{31152}{31232}Why don't you go build|a rocket ship, brainiac?
{31311}{31425}Well, come on, you two.|Don't forget about the film festival.
{31427}{31502}- The what?|- Oh, sorry, Bart.
{31502}{31592}Your mother bought us tickets|to a snooty movie...
{31595}{31652}directed by|some Swedish meatball.
{31655}{31751}Oh, no.
{31755}{31828}Well, I guess we don't|have to do that.
{31828}{31958}Um, look, Dad.|I got something to tell you.
{31961}{32027}Can it wait, son?|It's getting kinda dark.
{32060}{32120}All right, Homer.|Come on, baby.
{32120}{32195}- Right across the plate.|Let me feel the wind.
{32197}{32287}Whoa!
Strike two!|Two and two.
{32291}{32362}Can you still|see the ball, Bart?
{32366}{32449}Don't worry, Home boy.|You're not that fast.
{32449}{32509}Oh, you don't|think so, eh?
{32509}{32617}Well, here comes|some real heat.
{32619}{32716}Whoa!
Yeah, strike three!|You're outta there!
{32716}{32827}- So, what was it you|wanted to tell me, son?|- Oh, nothing, Pop.
{32872}{32941}I'm still trying|to get you a labpartner, Bart.
{32943}{33037}If we don't get any volunteers soon,|I'll assign somebody.
{33039}{33108}Say, what's that?|It looks dangerous.
{33112}{33222}Well, it's really pretty|top secret, ma'am.
{33226}{33282}All right, keep going.
{33286}{33378}But you do know what happens|when you mix acids and bases, right?
{33380}{33440}- 'Course I do.
{33575}{33639}- Sorry.
{33639}{33777}Now, Bart, we want to emphasize|that nobody's angry about this.
{33777}{33839}We're--|We're just concerned.
{33843}{33963}When a young man with a 216 IQ|can't make a simple experiment work...
{33965}{34067}well, it doesn't take a Bart Simpson|to figure out that something's wrong.
{34070}{34157}Tell me.
Is the class|moving too slowly for you?
{34157}{34250}- Lord, no.|- Well, then, what can|we do to make you happy?
{34253}{34310}I wanna go back|to my old class.
{34313}{34373}Oh, but, Bart,|don't you remember the boredom...
{34373}{34471}the ennui,|the intellectual malaise?
{34471}{34534}Yeah, well, you know,|kinda, um...
{34538}{34606}but I was thinking|I could go undercover.
{34609}{34720}Undercover?|Bart, I'm intrigued.
Go on.
{34724}{34823}Well, I could pretend|I'm a regular dumb kid.
{34825}{34921}you know, to study them and all|the stuff they do with each other.
{34924}{34981}you know, see what|makes them tick.
{34984}{35056}I see.
Like Jane Goodall|and the chimps.
{35059}{35146}- Yeah.|- Uh-huh.
This is most impressive, Bart.
{35149}{35236}you write up your proposal|while I talk to Principal Skinner.
{35239}{35310}- Proposal?|- you know, outline your project...
{35314}{35404}what you hope to achieve,|what you'll require to do it.
{35404}{35466}Gotcha, man.
{35466}{35614}"'My proposal' by Bart Simpson.
{35616}{35704}I want to pretend...
{35706}{35826}I am a regular dumb kid.|Period.
{35826}{35942}By this, I hope--" {35946}{36105}Oh, no.|" For this, I will--" {36107}{36240}Ohh."
Require--" {36240}{36380}Ohh.
Oh, man.
{36380}{36500}"'My Confession'|by Bart Simpson.
{36500}{36613}I am a regular|dumb kid.
Period.
{36617}{36740}I cheated on|my intelligence test.
Period."
{36740}{36802}Ah, finished already?
{36806}{36913}Principal Skinner will be|vey interested to-- to-- {36917}{37018}Oh.
You know...
{37022}{37096}you misspelled "confession."
{37100}{37156}Hey, lookin' good, Bart.
{37160}{37276}- Bart, what happened?|- I had a little accident|in chemisty today.
{37280}{37423}Well, I bet it's nothing a little|turpentine won't take off.
Come on, son.
{37456}{37516}Don't be discouraged, son.
{37516}{37576}I bet Einstein turned himself|all sorts of colors...
{37576}{37648}before he invented|the lightbulb.
{37648}{37719}Dad, I gotta tell you something.
{37719}{37777}Hope you won't be too mad.
{37779}{37884}- What is it, son?|- I'm not a genius, Dad.
{37884}{38013}- What?|- I cheated on the intelligence test.
{38017}{38103}I'm sorry.
Butl|just want to say...
{38106}{38178}that the past few weeks|have been great.
{38181}{38244}Me and you have|done stuff together.
{38247}{38304}You've helped me out|with things...
{38307}{38376}and we're closer|than we've ever been.
{38379}{38439}I love you, Dad.
{38442}{38564}And I think if something|can bring us that close...
{38568}{38633}it can't possibly be bad.
{38637}{38757}- Why, you little--|- Uh-oh.
{38759}{38870}- What's going on out there?
{38873}{38933}I think Bart's|stupid again, Mom.
{38933}{38993}Oh, well.
{39047}{39119}you can't stay|in there forever!
{39122}{39235}- I can ty.|- March your butt right out here, now!
{39235}{39374}- No way, man.|- But-- Son, if you don't come out...
{39376}{39496}I can't hug you and kiss you|and make you feel all better.
{39499}{39604}you think I'm dumb enough|to fall for that?
I'm insulted.
{40230}{40329}Subtitles By|Captions, Inc.
Los Angeles {41246}{41306}Shh!