Programma Televisivo: In Treatment - 1x35
Previously on "in treatment"...
Kate ran into Laura.
What I saw was this highly-sexual woman who was wearing stilettos at 10:00 in the morning.
Isn't it a little embarrassing for you, following your dick around like a caveman?
Kate, I fell in love with you not just because you're...
Beautiful and sexy but because of your strength.
I needed that.
I think we both needed that.
Not anymore.
I don't need you anymore.
You know, you said you married him because he paid such deep attention to you.
You've outgrown that dependency.
So she's not my groupie anymore so I found somebody to replace her.
Is that your theory?
You see what she's doing?
she's instructing you on what you should be feeling.
Game, set and match to you, Gina.
Hello?
Oh, hi.
So, um...
So, what did the dermatologist say?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so don't look in the mirror, Sophie.
Yeah, cover the mirror up with a towel or something.
I'm ordering you not to look at it.
Doctor's orders, okay?
Take it as a challenge.
Mm-hmm.
It'll pass.
I promise.
Good, so call me if you need me.
bye.
Poor thing.
Who's that?
A patient rosie's age.
She thinks she's a freak.
Now she's got a rash all over her body to prove it.
Oh, is it that sweet girl that I helped into the dry clothes?
yes.
Where are my keys?
God, do you remember when ian used to get those rashes every time he got the flu?
So scary.
It didn't help that I put the wrong cream on him that time.
Do you remember?
The spider awaits.
Let's go.
So...
Rosie knows.
She asked if Paul and I were fighting and I started off into this rather cliched speech about, you know, "when two people have been together as long as your father and I have, it's not some romantic movie where everybody lives happily ever after-- " whatever.
Whatever.
As if that's what she thought to begin with, like she's some little girl.
What did she say?
Typical rosie-- she cut right to the Chase and she asked me if I was sleeping with somebody.
Why would she suspect that?
when I was in rome, she called me and she heard edward in the background.
Of course, she doesn't tell me this though, so...
I got defensive.
I got kinda vague and I said, "what makes you think that I'm seeing somebody?"
I almost said, "why me?
Why not your father?"
but thank God I didn't.
Finally she told me that she knew.
What about the boys?
Well, I spoke to ian.
Not about Kate's-- Kate's affair but, um.
Just about the tension in the house.
Why didn't you tell me about that?
Well, I'm telling you now.
Why can we not talk about this at home?
I don't understand that.
What did you say to him?
I said we were working through some disagreements.
He asked me if I was interested in anybody else, and I said that I had feelings for somebody else but that nothing had happened.
Well, that's great.
That's just really great.
Did you think for a minute that maybe that was something we could've handled together?
Ito go to romen to rosie.
With somebody else, dad?
Fix it, dad."
That's what she said.
Like it was all upo me...
Again.
And just after that, ian came in, so...
I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to come clean.
How do you think he took that, you having feelings for someone else?
Well, I think it hit him hard but, you know, he toughed it out. "
it's okay, dad, it's cool."
That kind of thing.
Well, that's no surprise.
Ian's always been on Paul's side of the argument, always.
that's not true.
Yes, it is true.
You're always the poor, innocent lamb and I'm always the monster.
It is true.
When in fact, you're blameless, is that what you're trying to say?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
You know you've never once-- once-- taken responsibility for what you did?
You've been sitting here for three weeks and you never once said, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake."
Really, I've never said that?
I've heard her say that.
When?
I've heard her say that a number of times-- here.
Actually, one time she said it was a stupid mistake.
I didn't hear that.
'Cause you don't wanna hear it.
What do you mean by that, Kate?
If he'd heard it, it would force him into deciding whether he's willing to forgive me or not, and he's obviously not willing to forgive me because he hasn't made up his mind about this other woman yet.
wow.
Wow.
Anything else I should know about me?
By the way, another thing we haven't talked about-- You keep saying that I haven't been around, that I don't see my kids, that I don't see, that I don't give, that I only focus on myself.
Can we talk about what kind of mother you've been?
Can we talk about that?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Let's talk about that.
Okay.
Impatient, nagging-- Just ask them, they'll tell you.
Anything they do isn't good enough for you.
Okay.
You should really be quiet right now 'cause you're sort of embarrassing yourself.
Where the hell have you been for the past year?
past year?
What about the past decade?
You don't know a thing about your children-- Ian, maybe a little bit.
Max?
Rosie?
Jesus.
You don't know who she's hanging out with, what she does.
You don't have a clue.
He still thinks that she's this virginal little thing who doesn't go off with her friends and party or try drugs.
That she's just this...
Daddy's little girl.
What drugs?
Come on, I'm asking you: what drugs?
Look, she goes to concerts with her friends and she smokes pot, but, you know, I guess because she's your daughter you think she doesn't do that sort of thing.
Did she tell you that?
That she smokes pot?
Who else can she tell?
She could've told me.
Really?
So what did you say to her?
I told her that, if she did it once, that it's not a big deal.
That one joint is certainly not gonna make you a junkie.
So basically you said it's okay if she gets high and smokes pot.
Come on, all of her friends smoke.
that's what they do.
So?
she tried some, she wanted to talk about it.
All her friends smoke.
So you buy into that?
You kn what?
I'm really happy that she feels that she can come to me and talk to me about it.
I feel really good about that.
So is this how she got involved with this noah guy?
Noah is rosie's boyfriend.
No, she's into noah because he's a boy.
It's got nothing to do with drugs whatsoever.
Are they sleeping with each other?
Yes or no?
Rosie's on the pill.
But, I mean, you're so close to her, you must know that, right?
How did you find this out?
I took her to the gynecologist myself about three months ago.
Why wouldn't you tell me that?
because she asked me not to.
so?
Well, it's between her and me, Paul.
Wow, sex and drugs, nice.
They're not in the same category.
Do you know how often she smokes?
do you know what she smokes?
do you know what they put in this shit now?
is she keeping you up to date on that?
She's not a drug addict, so why don't you just relax?
I'm not gonna relax because this isn't about whether rosie smokes pot or not.
It's about you keeping it from me.
That's the issue.
You took her to a gynecologist without telling me.
she's a child.
She's not a child.
She's our child-- ours.
Well, I guess you kind of enjoyed keeping it from me.
Gives you some kind of control, does it?
Got such a kick out of your little conspiracy, you forgot to be concerned about rosie.
Not everything I do is for your benefit.
Does ian smoke pot?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
In college?
I certainly hope not.
Well, it appears I live in some kind of an alternate reality.
If one of her teachers kept that kind of information from me, it would be bad.
But you're her mother.
It's worse.
It makes it a hundred times worse.
Paul, let's look at how you're reacting.
Now Kate was saying that this is why she's afraid to tell you things, rosie too.
Who wouldn't be pissed off if their wife didn't tell them, if their wife didn't include them?
There are reasons to be angry.
But can you look beyond that for a minute?
Kate's trying to tell you something about rosie, about her relationship with rosie.
You're not heang it.
I think I am.
No, you're not.
No, the way you're looking at it, they're excluding you, but Kate's talking about their own relationship, their intimacy, their trust.
You know, last week when you were here, you had a legitimate concern about rosie when she disappeared for a day.
We're back here again today and we're still talking about rosie.
Now a lot of these things are important.
They absolutely should be addressed, but I'm wondering if we don't keep on talking about rosie because we're avoiding the issues that brought you here.
Okay.
Let's try imago.
What does that mean?
Come on, Gina, you're kidding.
Paul, I'm trying to get a dialogue started.
Wait.
Hello, what's imago?
It's this pop psychology from the '80s.
The most earnest kind of bullshit.
Paul.
It's a type of couples therapy where you reflect each other's feelings.
When I used to work with you, you used to laugh at it.
There's a lot of it that's...
Bullshit.
Yeah.
But it can be useful to get a dialogue going.
We can do it for a little while and then we'll drop it.
So-- I don't understand.
When you say "reflect" Gina, please don't make us do this.
Can understand what it is before we make that decision?
Okay.
What Paul said was right.
It's about reflection.
One person begins and the other person...
Answers.
So Paul will say, "I'm upset about what you did last night."
And you respond, "I hear that you're upset about my behavior last night."
And Paul will confirm or he'll correct you if you left something out.
We do that for a while and then the listening person summarizes what they heard.
Those of us who can still hear.
The more you bitch about this, the more I wanna do it, so just-- Of course.
How do we start, Gina?
Okay, so turn so you're facing each other.
Oh, Gina.
Well, we're definitely doing it now, so-- Okay, face each other.
Paul, would you face-- okay, fine fine fine.
We'll do an imago.
Okay, move in a little closer.
Who wants to go first?
Me, I will.
Okay.
Oh...
He only repeats, right?
That's it.
That's right, nothing else-- No comments, no reactions, no analysis.
Okay.
Liking this already.
During these sessions with Gina, I've started to learn a lot about myself...
And about you.
Paul?
yeah, I...
I hear you say since we've been seeing Gina, you've started to understand a lot about...
Yourself.
And about you.
And about me.
Yeah, in my heart of hearts, I really did not want to come here, but I realized that I was willing to do whatever it took because I cannot get through to you at home.
And I thought, at least in this setting, you might just have to listen to me.
So you didn'twant to come h but you thought this was a place you might get me to listen.
Yeah?
Yeah.
But having Gina here has helped me to realize that many of my feelings...
Are in fact legitimate.
So you think that having Gina here to listen to us squabble-- Paul.
Being here with Gina helps you realize that your feelings are...
Legitimate.
Yeah.
And I also have begun to understand that my...
Involvement with edward was most likely some kind of reaction to things I've been carrying with me for many many years.
You think that cheating on me with edward was a reaction to something from your childhood?
no.
Paul, come on.
Okay.
Your relationship...
With edward was a reaction to something that you've been carrying around for years?
Yeah?
yeah.
A reaction to what, exactly?
Don't ask questions.
Just listen to her.
Imago.
Jesus Christ, Gina.
What's happened to you?
Okay.
Okay.
What else?
I think Gina's also right that...
Your thing with Laura, that's, um...
That's a reaction to things that you've been carrying around.
Paul.
Can I...?
what I'm trying to say is that I get that it's not all your fault.
I get that I have done my part.
And, you know, I've been so busy trying to be always your girlfriend, your wife, the mother...
And I've never...
That I just never allowed myself to be Kate, really.
And how can that possibly be your fault?
So what you're saying is that you let yourself get locked into a kind of-- I don't know-- Dependent, maternal role?
It's just how I saw myself, really.
I never questioned it.
You know, all this caretaking and pleasing other people, it's...
You know, only feeling safe as one-half of something.
And even looking at the gas Bill-- "Mrs.
Dr.
Paul Weston."
I guess it never even occurred to me that I had the strength to do things on my own.
But Kate, you run a shelter for battered women.
You work with codependents, alcoholics, kids at risk.
Your work has such a positive effect on so many people's lives.
But that's...
Paul?
could you reflect?
You feel that you're stuck in a...
A mothering role, that you have-- Maybe because you're married to me-- deprived yourself of a full, rounded life.
Use her own words.
I like what he just said.
I have...
I have deprived myself of a well-rounded life.
But it's not because I've been married to you.
Kate, are you okay?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Do we switch around now?
Yeah.
Okay.
I want to say that I was listening to you.
And that, um...
I hear you.
It hurts me to realize that I've been married to you for all this time and I didn't know that you felt this way.
I should have.
And I'm angry at myself for that.
I hear you saying that you didn't know that I felt this way.
Okay?
Yeah.
I'm scared.
I'm frightened.
I've had so many patients who were in this situation, it's almost like...
It's like deja vu.
And where these couples end up, with one person leaving to find themselves...
I hear you saying that you're afraid that I'll leave you.
No, I didn't say... "
leave me."
Is that what you want?
Gina, you said...
That I might've pushed...
Kate into her...
Affair because of my...
Feings for Laura.
Maybe it's the other way around.
My feelings for Laura were...
The reaction to what Kate's been going through herself.
Well, you're both going through something.
She's struggling with dynamic that existed before you met: to cater to others, to please, to adapt to others.
And your past informs the way, uh...
You act with Laura.
You're looking for that younger woman that you can nurture, who looks up to you the way Kate used to.
But that also makes you confront the situation with your father, which is frightening.
You were 14 when he left?
15.
15.
Your mother had a nervous breakdown.
You had to take care of her.
She was giving you nothing in return.
Maybe you were trying to address that in your relationship with Kate-- Looking for the mothering that you didn't get.
At the same time, you need to protect yourself from needing it so much because there's always the risk of losing it.
And so you pull away, you bury yourself in your work.
You want Kate there, you always want her there but you want her at arm's length.
So, maybe...
Now we have some idea...
Of what's been happening between you and maybe now we can just begin to steer the ship back on course?
Don't know.
mm-hmm.
- I honestly don't know.
I just feel that...
We've been going in the same direction for so long, maybe the best thing would be for me to just get off the ship.
What are you saying?
Are you saying that you want to leave?
I'm not sure, Paul.
Yeah, I just want to say-- and I don't mean this in a patronizing way, but it's not uncommon for couples your age to be at this crossroads.
That doesn't mean that what you're going through isn't complicated and painful.
And, like Paul said, it does sometimes end with someone leaving.
But no one has left here yet.
And, though it may not seem so right now at this moment, I don't think anybody's quite ready to leave.
Okay, well, give me a call, and let me know about next Friday.
Okay.
Thanks, Gina.
Bye, dear.
Hello?
Yes, this is he.
Mm-hmm.
Kate ran into Laura.
What I saw was this highly-sexual woman who was wearing stilettos at 10:00 in the morning.
Isn't it a little embarrassing for you, following your dick around like a caveman?
Kate, I fell in love with you not just because you're...
Beautiful and sexy but because of your strength.
I needed that.
I think we both needed that.
Not anymore.
I don't need you anymore.
You know, you said you married him because he paid such deep attention to you.
You've outgrown that dependency.
So she's not my groupie anymore so I found somebody to replace her.
Is that your theory?
You see what she's doing?
she's instructing you on what you should be feeling.
Game, set and match to you, Gina.
Hello?
Oh, hi.
So, um...
So, what did the dermatologist say?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, so don't look in the mirror, Sophie.
Yeah, cover the mirror up with a towel or something.
I'm ordering you not to look at it.
Doctor's orders, okay?
Take it as a challenge.
Mm-hmm.
It'll pass.
I promise.
Good, so call me if you need me.
bye.
Poor thing.
Who's that?
A patient rosie's age.
She thinks she's a freak.
Now she's got a rash all over her body to prove it.
Oh, is it that sweet girl that I helped into the dry clothes?
yes.
Where are my keys?
God, do you remember when ian used to get those rashes every time he got the flu?
So scary.
It didn't help that I put the wrong cream on him that time.
Do you remember?
The spider awaits.
Let's go.
So...
Rosie knows.
She asked if Paul and I were fighting and I started off into this rather cliched speech about, you know, "when two people have been together as long as your father and I have, it's not some romantic movie where everybody lives happily ever after-- " whatever.
Whatever.
As if that's what she thought to begin with, like she's some little girl.
What did she say?
Typical rosie-- she cut right to the Chase and she asked me if I was sleeping with somebody.
Why would she suspect that?
when I was in rome, she called me and she heard edward in the background.
Of course, she doesn't tell me this though, so...
I got defensive.
I got kinda vague and I said, "what makes you think that I'm seeing somebody?"
I almost said, "why me?
Why not your father?"
but thank God I didn't.
Finally she told me that she knew.
What about the boys?
Well, I spoke to ian.
Not about Kate's-- Kate's affair but, um.
Just about the tension in the house.
Why didn't you tell me about that?
Well, I'm telling you now.
Why can we not talk about this at home?
I don't understand that.
What did you say to him?
I said we were working through some disagreements.
He asked me if I was interested in anybody else, and I said that I had feelings for somebody else but that nothing had happened.
Well, that's great.
That's just really great.
Did you think for a minute that maybe that was something we could've handled together?
Ito go to romen to rosie.
With somebody else, dad?
Fix it, dad."
That's what she said.
Like it was all upo me...
Again.
And just after that, ian came in, so...
I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to come clean.
How do you think he took that, you having feelings for someone else?
Well, I think it hit him hard but, you know, he toughed it out. "
it's okay, dad, it's cool."
That kind of thing.
Well, that's no surprise.
Ian's always been on Paul's side of the argument, always.
that's not true.
Yes, it is true.
You're always the poor, innocent lamb and I'm always the monster.
It is true.
When in fact, you're blameless, is that what you're trying to say?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
You know you've never once-- once-- taken responsibility for what you did?
You've been sitting here for three weeks and you never once said, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake."
Really, I've never said that?
I've heard her say that.
When?
I've heard her say that a number of times-- here.
Actually, one time she said it was a stupid mistake.
I didn't hear that.
'Cause you don't wanna hear it.
What do you mean by that, Kate?
If he'd heard it, it would force him into deciding whether he's willing to forgive me or not, and he's obviously not willing to forgive me because he hasn't made up his mind about this other woman yet.
wow.
Wow.
Anything else I should know about me?
By the way, another thing we haven't talked about-- You keep saying that I haven't been around, that I don't see my kids, that I don't see, that I don't give, that I only focus on myself.
Can we talk about what kind of mother you've been?
Can we talk about that?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Let's talk about that.
Okay.
Impatient, nagging-- Just ask them, they'll tell you.
Anything they do isn't good enough for you.
Okay.
You should really be quiet right now 'cause you're sort of embarrassing yourself.
Where the hell have you been for the past year?
past year?
What about the past decade?
You don't know a thing about your children-- Ian, maybe a little bit.
Max?
Rosie?
Jesus.
You don't know who she's hanging out with, what she does.
You don't have a clue.
He still thinks that she's this virginal little thing who doesn't go off with her friends and party or try drugs.
That she's just this...
Daddy's little girl.
What drugs?
Come on, I'm asking you: what drugs?
Look, she goes to concerts with her friends and she smokes pot, but, you know, I guess because she's your daughter you think she doesn't do that sort of thing.
Did she tell you that?
That she smokes pot?
Who else can she tell?
She could've told me.
Really?
So what did you say to her?
I told her that, if she did it once, that it's not a big deal.
That one joint is certainly not gonna make you a junkie.
So basically you said it's okay if she gets high and smokes pot.
Come on, all of her friends smoke.
that's what they do.
So?
she tried some, she wanted to talk about it.
All her friends smoke.
So you buy into that?
You kn what?
I'm really happy that she feels that she can come to me and talk to me about it.
I feel really good about that.
So is this how she got involved with this noah guy?
Noah is rosie's boyfriend.
No, she's into noah because he's a boy.
It's got nothing to do with drugs whatsoever.
Are they sleeping with each other?
Yes or no?
Rosie's on the pill.
But, I mean, you're so close to her, you must know that, right?
How did you find this out?
I took her to the gynecologist myself about three months ago.
Why wouldn't you tell me that?
because she asked me not to.
so?
Well, it's between her and me, Paul.
Wow, sex and drugs, nice.
They're not in the same category.
Do you know how often she smokes?
do you know what she smokes?
do you know what they put in this shit now?
is she keeping you up to date on that?
She's not a drug addict, so why don't you just relax?
I'm not gonna relax because this isn't about whether rosie smokes pot or not.
It's about you keeping it from me.
That's the issue.
You took her to a gynecologist without telling me.
she's a child.
She's not a child.
She's our child-- ours.
Well, I guess you kind of enjoyed keeping it from me.
Gives you some kind of control, does it?
Got such a kick out of your little conspiracy, you forgot to be concerned about rosie.
Not everything I do is for your benefit.
Does ian smoke pot?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
In college?
I certainly hope not.
Well, it appears I live in some kind of an alternate reality.
If one of her teachers kept that kind of information from me, it would be bad.
But you're her mother.
It's worse.
It makes it a hundred times worse.
Paul, let's look at how you're reacting.
Now Kate was saying that this is why she's afraid to tell you things, rosie too.
Who wouldn't be pissed off if their wife didn't tell them, if their wife didn't include them?
There are reasons to be angry.
But can you look beyond that for a minute?
Kate's trying to tell you something about rosie, about her relationship with rosie.
You're not heang it.
I think I am.
No, you're not.
No, the way you're looking at it, they're excluding you, but Kate's talking about their own relationship, their intimacy, their trust.
You know, last week when you were here, you had a legitimate concern about rosie when she disappeared for a day.
We're back here again today and we're still talking about rosie.
Now a lot of these things are important.
They absolutely should be addressed, but I'm wondering if we don't keep on talking about rosie because we're avoiding the issues that brought you here.
Okay.
Let's try imago.
What does that mean?
Come on, Gina, you're kidding.
Paul, I'm trying to get a dialogue started.
Wait.
Hello, what's imago?
It's this pop psychology from the '80s.
The most earnest kind of bullshit.
Paul.
It's a type of couples therapy where you reflect each other's feelings.
When I used to work with you, you used to laugh at it.
There's a lot of it that's...
Bullshit.
Yeah.
But it can be useful to get a dialogue going.
We can do it for a little while and then we'll drop it.
So-- I don't understand.
When you say "reflect" Gina, please don't make us do this.
Can understand what it is before we make that decision?
Okay.
What Paul said was right.
It's about reflection.
One person begins and the other person...
Answers.
So Paul will say, "I'm upset about what you did last night."
And you respond, "I hear that you're upset about my behavior last night."
And Paul will confirm or he'll correct you if you left something out.
We do that for a while and then the listening person summarizes what they heard.
Those of us who can still hear.
The more you bitch about this, the more I wanna do it, so just-- Of course.
How do we start, Gina?
Okay, so turn so you're facing each other.
Oh, Gina.
Well, we're definitely doing it now, so-- Okay, face each other.
Paul, would you face-- okay, fine fine fine.
We'll do an imago.
Okay, move in a little closer.
Who wants to go first?
Me, I will.
Okay.
Oh...
He only repeats, right?
That's it.
That's right, nothing else-- No comments, no reactions, no analysis.
Okay.
Liking this already.
During these sessions with Gina, I've started to learn a lot about myself...
And about you.
Paul?
yeah, I...
I hear you say since we've been seeing Gina, you've started to understand a lot about...
Yourself.
And about you.
And about me.
Yeah, in my heart of hearts, I really did not want to come here, but I realized that I was willing to do whatever it took because I cannot get through to you at home.
And I thought, at least in this setting, you might just have to listen to me.
So you didn'twant to come h but you thought this was a place you might get me to listen.
Yeah?
Yeah.
But having Gina here has helped me to realize that many of my feelings...
Are in fact legitimate.
So you think that having Gina here to listen to us squabble-- Paul.
Being here with Gina helps you realize that your feelings are...
Legitimate.
Yeah.
And I also have begun to understand that my...
Involvement with edward was most likely some kind of reaction to things I've been carrying with me for many many years.
You think that cheating on me with edward was a reaction to something from your childhood?
no.
Paul, come on.
Okay.
Your relationship...
With edward was a reaction to something that you've been carrying around for years?
Yeah?
yeah.
A reaction to what, exactly?
Don't ask questions.
Just listen to her.
Imago.
Jesus Christ, Gina.
What's happened to you?
Okay.
Okay.
What else?
I think Gina's also right that...
Your thing with Laura, that's, um...
That's a reaction to things that you've been carrying around.
Paul.
Can I...?
what I'm trying to say is that I get that it's not all your fault.
I get that I have done my part.
And, you know, I've been so busy trying to be always your girlfriend, your wife, the mother...
And I've never...
That I just never allowed myself to be Kate, really.
And how can that possibly be your fault?
So what you're saying is that you let yourself get locked into a kind of-- I don't know-- Dependent, maternal role?
It's just how I saw myself, really.
I never questioned it.
You know, all this caretaking and pleasing other people, it's...
You know, only feeling safe as one-half of something.
And even looking at the gas Bill-- "Mrs.
Dr.
Paul Weston."
I guess it never even occurred to me that I had the strength to do things on my own.
But Kate, you run a shelter for battered women.
You work with codependents, alcoholics, kids at risk.
Your work has such a positive effect on so many people's lives.
But that's...
Paul?
could you reflect?
You feel that you're stuck in a...
A mothering role, that you have-- Maybe because you're married to me-- deprived yourself of a full, rounded life.
Use her own words.
I like what he just said.
I have...
I have deprived myself of a well-rounded life.
But it's not because I've been married to you.
Kate, are you okay?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Do we switch around now?
Yeah.
Okay.
I want to say that I was listening to you.
And that, um...
I hear you.
It hurts me to realize that I've been married to you for all this time and I didn't know that you felt this way.
I should have.
And I'm angry at myself for that.
I hear you saying that you didn't know that I felt this way.
Okay?
Yeah.
I'm scared.
I'm frightened.
I've had so many patients who were in this situation, it's almost like...
It's like deja vu.
And where these couples end up, with one person leaving to find themselves...
I hear you saying that you're afraid that I'll leave you.
No, I didn't say... "
leave me."
Is that what you want?
Gina, you said...
That I might've pushed...
Kate into her...
Affair because of my...
Feings for Laura.
Maybe it's the other way around.
My feelings for Laura were...
The reaction to what Kate's been going through herself.
Well, you're both going through something.
She's struggling with dynamic that existed before you met: to cater to others, to please, to adapt to others.
And your past informs the way, uh...
You act with Laura.
You're looking for that younger woman that you can nurture, who looks up to you the way Kate used to.
But that also makes you confront the situation with your father, which is frightening.
You were 14 when he left?
15.
15.
Your mother had a nervous breakdown.
You had to take care of her.
She was giving you nothing in return.
Maybe you were trying to address that in your relationship with Kate-- Looking for the mothering that you didn't get.
At the same time, you need to protect yourself from needing it so much because there's always the risk of losing it.
And so you pull away, you bury yourself in your work.
You want Kate there, you always want her there but you want her at arm's length.
So, maybe...
Now we have some idea...
Of what's been happening between you and maybe now we can just begin to steer the ship back on course?
Don't know.
mm-hmm.
- I honestly don't know.
I just feel that...
We've been going in the same direction for so long, maybe the best thing would be for me to just get off the ship.
What are you saying?
Are you saying that you want to leave?
I'm not sure, Paul.
Yeah, I just want to say-- and I don't mean this in a patronizing way, but it's not uncommon for couples your age to be at this crossroads.
That doesn't mean that what you're going through isn't complicated and painful.
And, like Paul said, it does sometimes end with someone leaving.
But no one has left here yet.
And, though it may not seem so right now at this moment, I don't think anybody's quite ready to leave.
Okay, well, give me a call, and let me know about next Friday.
Okay.
Thanks, Gina.
Bye, dear.
Hello?
Yes, this is he.
Mm-hmm.