Programma Televisivo: Greek - 1x5
Previously on Greek: Our first date function gives you nutbags three days to find a date.
Her?
That's her.
She doesn't like me.
She likes everybody.
This isn't how I imagined my first time.
I just thought it would mean some more.
Frannie started doubting my loyalty to Omega Chi.
Are you doubting?
They know?
I'm not telling.
Certain things you just have to accept about yourself.
I suck at hockey.
And I'm gay.
What?
It's my turn to ask.
Things between...
Can you forgive me?
I'm thinking I'll wear blue to the tea, then black to the president's dinner.
Or is black too sexpot?
What's wrong with sexpot?
You look good in sexpot.
Oh, I'm sure your parents would think so.
Sexpottery is the first thing you should bring up with my parents.
Come on, be serious.
So, what shouldn't I bring up?
Um...
reality TV.
My mother thinks it's beneath contempt.
She's on the board at PBS, so...
I'll cram in episodes of Masterpiece Theatre.
Nice.
As for my dad, he got burned trying to buy an IT company.
Don't mention technology.
He'll go ballistic.
No technology.
Yeah, no technology.
And I guess the number one topic to avoid is, um, my brother Patrick.
The one who...
Lives in Costa Rica, wears mandals, has dreadlocks?
That's him.
Don't worry, you're gonna be great.
It's just that I know how important they are to you.
And the rest of the world.
I mean, you're, like, part of a dynasty.
Chambers of Chambers International and Chambers Foundation.
Your father's being honored for donating a building to CRU.
That's major.
I'm used to it, I guess.
I love that it's no big deal to you.
It's...
sexy.
Someday, you and I...
...will have a dynasty of our own.
In 79 AD, on some date right around now, the mighty Mount Vesuvius erupted, laying waste to the citizens of Pompeii.
Each year, we honor those lost souls...
...with beer bongs and hotties.
Yeah!
Vesuvius is a homecoming legend.
No one on Greek Row even tries to compete on this night.
It's the party against which all other parties are judged.
Spitter?
Do we need dates?
Little man, dates are for date functions.
This is a party.
Parties are for random hook-ups.
This is a perfect opportunity for you to hone your game.
Great.
I got it.
He's got it.
Crush basket delivery!
What's a crush basket? "
A crush basket is one of the many ways a ZBZ girl, or any other sorority girl, for that matter, can let a guy know that she's interested in him. "
ZBZ handbook.
Uh, do you want some help?
Maybe you can pick that up while I take these in.
OK.
Crush baskets.
Yeah!
All right!
I'm Jen K.
There are three Jens in the ZBZ house: Jen R., Jen B.
And Jen Y.
Funny, huh? "
Jen Y."
Like "Gen-Y."
So, what's your name?
Rusty C.
For Cartwright.
There's a Cartwright in my sorority.
We have to memorize everyone for pledging.
Casey Cartwright.
Junior.
ZBZ Pledge Educator.
Favorite color: Pink.
One brother.
Oh.
Are you the brother?
Yes.
But Casey and I aren't exactly in the same social circle, as in probably none of those crush baskets are for me.
Oh.
One more.
This is for Cappie from all the girls at Tri-Pi.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Come on, Spitter, we've got a meeting to finish up in here.
This is for you.
So many Tri-Pis, so little shame.
What about those two?
Ben Bennett and...
Rusty. "
From your ZBZ secret admirer. "
Hey, Wade, get the camera.
Our little Rusty just got his first crush basket.
Do you realize what this means?
It isn't from your sister, I hope.
Somebody likes me.
I could actually get a girlfriend without having to do stuff I'm terrible at.
Like talking to girls.
Figure out who she is so I don't do something stupid in front of her without even knowing it.
Don't rush me.
What is this? "
Hey, sexy.
Wear this T-shirt to Vesuvius. "
You're gonna look like a traffic cone.
She'll be able to pick you out of the crowd.
I can't believe she called me sexy.
I wonder who she is.
Settle down.
She's going to reveal herself to you at the party.
So you just have to avoid doing something embarrassing for 48 hours.
I can do that.
Your fly's open.
I do believe 'twas he.
No, my Lord, I've been talking with a suitor here...
Are they even speaking English?
It's Shakespeare, Ashleigh.
What do you think?
Is it Katie Couric or Meredith Viera?
Neither.
What's up with the bad news-anchor fashion?
There are certain expectations that come with being a Chambers.
They're American royalty.
I want to live up to those expectations.
American royalty?
So you could be like Princess Diana.
Before the tunnel.
Exactly.
Oh.
I didn't know middle-aged matron was in this season.
Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could spend a little more time together.
Go do something.
Clothed.
You mean something like, uh, I pick you up in my dad's minivan, bring you some flowers, pay for a movie and hope you hold my hand during scary parts?
What did you have in mind?
I don't know.
Grab some food?
We all got to eat.
I'll give you a call.
I'm glad you could come see the house.
Casey's gonna be president of ZBZ next year.
Good.
We're so pleased that Evan decided to run for Omega Chi president.
It's a great thing to have on that r�sum� if you want to get into politics.
Evan's political.
Yesterday we were watching Frontline.
I don't know girls your age that watch public television.
All the time.
Just saw the most wonderful adaptation of Othello on PBS.
The staging of Desdemona's murder was incredibly powerful.
I helped secure funding for that.
You're kidding!
Well, you have excellent taste.
I like to think so.
Hi, Casey.
So that's why you were trying on all those clothes!
These must be Evan's parents!
Pleasure.
Evan totally has your eyes.
Thank you.
I'm Rebecca Logan.
Casey's my Big Sis in the sorority.
Senator Logan's daughter!
We heard you were going to school here.
You didn't mention you knew her.
Uh, it must have slipped my mind.
Casey didn't mention you, which is surprising because Casey and I share everything when it comes to Evan.
Right, Casey?
Mr.
Chambers, I just read about the new IT company you're acquiring.
You must be thrilled, your biggest deal.
The deal didn't go through.
Some political antitrust bull.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's too bad we didn't meet earlier.
Maybe my father could've helped out.
Well, next time.
Rebecca, why don't you join us?
No.
No, she's...
Rebecca's a very busy person.
Oh, just like your mother.
Besides, you're here to get to know Casey, not boring old me.
Congratulations on being honored.
Thank you.
Gentlemen, behind this tarp sits an important piece of Kappa Tau lore.
It was built in 1999 by the legendary Kappa Tau, Egyptian Joe, inspired after a weekend of special brownies and a Real World: Hawaii marathon.
Last year, this baby violated several local fire ordinances and one law of physics.
After eight years at Cyprus-Rhodes, Joe was forced to leave.
Bummer.
But his proud creation lives on.
I give you Vesuvius!
Beaver, let's light this mother up.
What the?
All right, well, let's not panic yet.
Now you can panic.
So wait.
What does this mean?
This means we're doomed.
This could be worse than the O'Doul's Debacle of '05.
Hey, who knew O'Doul's didn't have alcohol in it?
Everybody knew, Beaver.
If only we could figure out the volcano's instruction manual.
Pretty science-y.
I'm science-y!
Give me the manual, I'll fix the volcano!
You're sure, pledge?
Because if you do this, this party is in your hands.
Your small, delicate, very girlish hands.
This volcano is gonna break two laws of physics.
All right!
We're counting on you, Spitter.
Just our reputation as party mecca, my legacy as president and your love life ride on this.
No pressure.
Time for a shopping trip.
Time for a shopping trip.
Help me find a new dress for Mr.
Chambers' dinner.
Casey, you are totally overreacting.
So Rebecca stole your thunder at tea.
So what?
The most important thing: You're awesome and their son is totally in love with you.
That's true.
You're right.
I can turn this around.
I'm Casey Cartwright.
Parents tend to love me.
Like Derek, my high school boyfriend.
His mom said I was the daughter she never had.
And she had a daughter.
It was so awkward.
So, what are you worried about?
Evan's parents are in a different league, which is why I need the perfect dress.
Are you in?
Are you kidding me?
You had me at shopping trip.
This Egyptian Joe guy was a poetry major.
How complicated could his engineering be?
And then once I fix his volcano, I'll be on my way to meet my dream woman.
I'll just follow the manual, add a little imagination...
...and expose myself to the Ebola virus.
People can't be satisfied with how things are.
Why do they push things to the next level?
After setting myself on fire.
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
Nothing as in you and your top-secret mystery relationship?
No, no, it's not a relationship.
It's a thing.
Two, four, six, eight We won't let you detonate Two, four, six, eight We won't let you detonate Dale!
What are you doing?
We're staging a protest to save the RemingtonlHerzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module.
The what?
A device that manipulates weather patterns in a confined area.
The DOD commissioned it in the 1980s.
It never worked.
No, that's what they want you to think.
They never turned it on.
They don't want to turn it on.
They're afraid of possibilities.
We can't let fear destroy progress.
Join us.
We're going to Dobler's for a pledge mixer.
Rusty's gonna rub elbows with his secret admirer.
Enjoy your sin while the university destroys the most innovative prototype in all of science.
Whatever happened to priorities?
Sorry, Dale.
You're no scientist, Rusty Cartwright.
Did you see that?
I think she smiled at me.
Maybe that's her.
Well, she's definitely wasting her time on him.
Is that the mystery guy?
I'm not telling.
Hey, Rusty!
Remember me?
Jen K?
Crush baskets?
Yeah.
Where'd you come from?
Right over there.
I've been here, but I didn't want to interrupt.
I started to feel weird just sitting there.
I decided to say something.
I wasn't sure of what to say.
I'm gonna go get a refill.
So how'd that crush basket thing turn out?
Wait.
You delivered the crush baskets.
You must know who my secret admirer is.
No, I was just the messenger.
Why would you want to know, anyway?
I'd rather have the secret.
I could imagine it's anybody I wanted and not that weird guy in my English class who blew on my neck.
That's if guys gave crush baskets, but they don't.
I think Calvin could use a hand by the bar, so...
I can help!
I'm sorry.
Stop.
Jen...
Jen!
It's fine.
I'll help.
Stop.
I need a noise permit for the Vesuvius Party.
Since when does that rule get enforced?
Since I was hired.
Oh, OK, I get it.
So, uh, Officer...
Huck, you look like you could use a little break.
Want to come on in and we'll set you up with a nice cold beer.
That's what Officer Bob always did.
Where is good old Bob, anyway?
Rehab.
Oh.
Your permit deadline was today 0900 hours.
No permit, no party.
Although you could see if the Events Office will make an exception.
All you got to do is ask Gladys.
Gladys.
Pledge!
Assemble my Cougar Sack.
Don't forget to put in the aftershave.
I said, bring me my Cougar Sack!
I'm going in.
Hey, what perfect timing.
I was trying on the dress I got for your dad's dinner.
What do you think?
I was going for Angelina Jolie.
You know, sexy for you, charitable for your parents.
It's great.
It's great.
It's, um...
Listen, Case, about dinner...
Oh, is it too sexy?
Angelina-home wrecker, not UN ambassador?
No, no, no.
It's perfect.
It's not that.
It's...
OK.
My parents just invited some bigwig to sit at their table.
Political connections that can help my dad.
Some, you know, asset.
I feel like a total jerk, but...
they need your ticket.
My...
ticket?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, they needed a seat at the table for this...
person.
Wow.
I thought they liked me.
They do like you.
This is nothing personal.
It's just business.
When someone tells you it's not personal, it's something personal.
No, not with my parents.
OK, you've got to trust me.
OK, this has nothing to do with you.
This is the way things work in Chambers-land.
Never miss an opportunity to network.
And you can appreciate that, right?
Sure, I get it.
Great.
Um...
OK, I'll call you as soon as I get back.
We're cool, right?
Of course.
OK.
None of this makes any sense.
Listen to this.
Ah. "
Golden Wheat Thin Crunchy little bite of God With love, I eat you" I think that's a haiku.
I know, but it doesn't help me build this stupid volcano.
Neither does a list of the bra sizes of the 2005 Tri-Pi pledge class.
Or drawings about different types of monkeys.
Damn it!
Without this volcano, there will be no party, there's gonna be no secret admirer and then I'll never get a girlfriend.
You shouldn't be concentrating on this anyway, all right?
The module situation has gotten dire.
We're gonna stage an all-campus sit-in and I really hope to see you there. "
Crunchy little bite of God. "
Oh, hi!
I wanted to apologize for any part that I played...
Stop.
One word answers.
Is my sister here?
No.
Did she take her car?
I think so.
Three words.
Sorry.
What's wrong?
I need a car.
It's a matter of life and death.
Social death.
I have a car.
I can drive you.
I know I talk a lot, but it's because I'm nervous around new people.
It gets a lot better once I get to know a person.
And I'm a good driver.
And you seem really desperate.
I don't care if you're raising money for Darfur.
Request to assemble denied.
Next!
Hello there, sunshine.
Is that Old Spice you're wearing?
Why, yes, it is.
Ultra.
What do you want?
I was told you were a discerning woman.
A woman who appreciates the classics.
And after so many years wasted on callow young women who don't, I decided to gather up my courage and seek out a kindred spirit.
That is what I want, Gladys.
That's a very jazzy jacket.
No one wears madras anymore.
More's the pity.
And might I say the same about your lovely sweater?
Why did they stop sequins on wool?
Can we please hurry things up?
Hold your water, pal.
After this, I'm going on a fro-yo binge.
You are bummed about Evan screwing you out of going to his dad's dinner.
I can cancel on Calvin.
You need me.
I'm fine, Ash.
And I told you, he didn't screw me.
It was a business decision.
Nothing personal.
And I'm totally OK with it.
I'm more than OK.
I'm good with it.
Hi, guys.
So?
It was designed for Kate Hudson for the Golden Globes, but she didn't have the goods to fill it out.
Lucky me, I get to wear it to the dinner.
What dinner?
The dinner for Evan's dad.
I guess a ticket just became available and they invited me.
Wasn't that sweet?
All right.
So we're clothed and we're eating.
I was also hoping we could talk.
Hey, guys!
Ashleigh!
Sorry, I'm late.
Major house drama.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
You told me...
Join us. "
Some big-wig," Evan? "
Some big-wig" is Rebecca Logan?
How could you do this to me?
Oh, God.
Did you think I wouldn't find out?
I hoped you wouldn't.
It's like you cheated on me again!
No, Case, listen to me.
It's not like that at all.
OK, I should have told you.
You're right.
You're right.
It's just...
I didn't think I could convince you it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
But now you're making it a big deal, so I guess it is a big deal.
Even though it's not a big deal.
Are you trying to confuse me?
No.
Because it's not going to work.
I am pissed.
I know.
So if this isn't a big deal, Evan, why are you going and why is she going?
Because her father is a senator and my parents want to make that connection and there is nothing I can do about that.
Case...
...it'll all be over in just a few hours.
That may not be soon enough.
Case...
I had a good time with you guys.
Wait, I just had the best idea!
I am so going to hook you up with Zeta Betas at Vesuvius tonight!
Won't that be awesome?
So meet me by the kegs.
See you guys at the party.
Can't wait.
I'll see you at the party too.
Know what?
I think I'm gonna pass.
Pass?
On what?
Pass on this.
Like whatever this is.
This was a date and so you recruited Ashleigh to bust in so you wouldn't have to talk to me.
Not cool.
Hi.
What are you doing?
You're supposed to wait.
I couldn't.
It's so exciting.
What is this place?
Basement for the engineering building.
They use it for storage, but you have to leave.
I'm about to commit what could be a breach of homeland security.
Rusty, this is the most fun I've had since I got to this school.
I'd tell you reasons why you let me help, but then I'd be talking a lot again.
Like now.
So I can't.
Tell you.
I'm gonna steal the RemingtonlHerzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module to power the Vesuvius volcano.
If it works, the module will condense all moisture in a 300-foot radius, steam it up through the volcano like a geyser.
It might even make a few thunderclaps.
You're still interested?
Thunderclaps?
Yeah.
Shh!
It's right up here.
I won't let you take it, you beast!
Rusty, you came!
Uh, yeah.
I had an idea to take this protest thing to the next level.
I'm listening.
It's not enough to just keep this module from being destroyed.
Let's say we save it.
They keep it locked up, untouched, never used, not even once.
I have dreamt of caressing its shiny aluminum shell.
I imagine it to be very, uh, very smooth.
And then after we touch it, maybe we could just, I don't know, take it somewhere.
Somewhere safe.
And then...
We could turn it on.
Rusty, lead me not into temptation.
I know, Dale, I know.
But ask yourself this question: What's the bigger evil?
Committing an act of civil disobedience or allowing the fifth most innovative atmospheric prototype of all time to die a lonely, undignified death?
I have the key.
Stop that!
What?
Do you have any idea how delicate it is?
You can't just grab it like a slab of beef.
Move.
Hello, pretty girl.
I hate the way they've got you cooped up in this dirty crate.
Dale!
Come on!
Run!
Rusty, I can't go to jail.
I have serious food allergies.
We're OK, Dale.
No one followed us.
You said we were going somewhere safe.
Kappa Tau house is not safe!
It's a filth palace!
And I won't go in there and neither is the module!
Think about it this way.
This is the last place they'd think to look for it.
What about Jesus?
What about Him?
Didn't Jesus walk amongst the sinners?
Think of all the people you'll have an opportunity to convert.
Jesus, take the wheel.
All right.
Who's ready to start drinking?
OK, the plan is we hook the volcano up to the module's cooling system to create the condensation effect.
It's exactly as I'd imagined.
So let's get to work.
My secret admirer awaits.
Hey.
Hi.
Listen, uh, I just wanted to apologize for the whole Ashleigh thing.
And, uh, I wanted to tell you...
Hey!
What's up?
Yeah!
Party!
Um, look...
I thought this was just a fling, you know?
So when you wanted more, it sort of freaked me out.
I just asked for one date.
No, yeah.
No, I know.
Hey!
Whoo!
Hey!
Yeah!
OK, uh, what I'm trying to say is, uh...
that it freaked me out when you wanted a date.
But what freaked me out more was you blowing me off.
And I realized that I really like you.
And I don't know what that means, you know, but, uh, I would like to find out.
So, uh, should we get out of here?
We check out the party?
We can duck Ashleigh all night long?
On second thought, let's grab a cup of coffee.
Cool.
Hey!
Whoo!
So does fuchsia make me look hippy?
Kinda.
Nice coconuts.
So why aren't you at that posh dinner with His Pomposity Lord Chambers?
Oh, that.
He went...
without me.
I'm not posh enough for his parents.
Ah, quintessential Chambers move.
Use the son to expand the evil empire.
And he went right along with it.
It's not like that.
Well, whatever it's like, it's got you hitting Wade's Hula Hooch pretty hard.
Cheers.
Calvin and Heath totally dissed me!
I can't find them anywhere.
Are you still moping over dumb head Evan?
Just stop.
Stop thinking about Rebecca in her designer dress with her boobs busting out, throwing herself all over Evan as they dance, his parents start writing their wedding vows.
Just stop.
I wasn't thinking about that!
Oh.
And now I am.
I can't get it out of my head!
OK, picture the audience in their underwear.
Wait, that's for stage fright.
This problem needs to be tackled head on.
Where are we going?
To make sure that skank doesn't put her hooks into your boyfriend.
You are such a good friend.
So David got stoned with the Philistines?
Cool.
No, no, OK!
David smote the Philistine with a stone, not smoked with Philistines and got stoned.
OK, it's totally different.
You go to college?
Hey, volcano all set?
All set.
Don't believe everything you read.
Hey.
Oh, it's you.
I'm looking for my secret admirer.
She told me to wear this shirt.
Pretty funny, huh?
It must be a nightshirt.
That was in your basket?
Yeah, along with a note that said to meet her here.
No offense, Jen, but if she sees me talking to you, she might...
...get the wrong idea.
OK, Rusty, there's something I...
Eww!
That's not for you!
Where did you get that shirt?
In my crush basket?
That was not your crush basket!
That was his.
I'm sorry.
There must have been some sort of mix-up.
You think?
Rusty, I can explain.
Gather around, party people, and hold onto your leis.
We're about to blow your mind.
Courtesy of our little buddy, the volcanic mastermind, Spitter himself, Rusty Cartwright!
Five, four, three, two, one!
Whoo!
That's a very generous offer.
Your internship's supposed to be topnotch.
Isn't it lovely you got to meet Admiral Lewiston?
He's a big supporter of your father.
Lovely is definitely the word.
There's Roger and Brenda.
Let's go.
Oh!
I, uh, can tie a knot in this with my tongue.
Please don't.
Ugh!
This place needs DJ A.M.
ASAP.
Eww!
What did that old man do with his tongue?
I almost feel sorry for her.
Well, no, I don't.
I can't see.
Stop that!
You're shaking the plant!
This was a bad idea.
Evan's not talking to her.
I should've trusted him.
Get out of here before someone sees.
Oh, crap.
Oh crap!
Where's my phone?
Where's my phone?
Turn it off!
He's coming!
Let's go!
Let's just...
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Oh, God, can we just talk about this later?
What is going on here?
Casey?
Nice outfit.
Evan, take care of this.
I'm so sorry, Mrs.
Chambers.
Excuse me, I'm talking to my son.
You're not even supposed to be here.
Mom, don't talk to her like that.
Evan, I'm sorry.
Ash, let's go.
Casey.
Casey.
Casey, wait.
Evan, it's time to introduce your father.
It's all right.
Everything's under control.
Hey.
I...
I put your name on that crush basket, but I didn't know about the note and the shirt.
Why would you do that?
Because I felt bad for you.
Oh, that makes me feel a lot better!
Thanks, Jen, for taking pity on the most pathetic pledge at Cyprus-Rhodes.
OK, now you are being pathetic.
Then you just seemed, I don't know, unappreciated.
So I appreciated you in a really stupid way.
And I'm sorry.
But I feel unappreciated too.
I had a great time with you today.
I haven't felt that comfortable with a guy in, like...
ever.
I thought you were feeling the same way, but then we get here and you couldn't wait to find your stupid secret admirer.
Did you ever think that you might have an un-secret admirer?
You like me?
Duh.
Hey, where's all the beer?
I think I just felt the earth move.
Me too.
Seriously.
I think we're having an earthquake.
It's a miracle!
It's raining beer.
Oh, my God!
It's raining beer!
It's raining beer!
It's beer.
I'm sorry, Lord!
I'm sorry.
Spitter!
You have just become a legend!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Spitter!
It worked, like you said.
It needed time to suck up the moisture!
I think we topped Egyptian Joe.
Hell, yes!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Did you seriously skip just now?
Hey!
Did you see the volcano?
I made it rain beer.
It was awesome.
This has been, hands down, the best night of my life.
Even better than the time they announced Pluto wasn't a planet.
I hated Pluto.
It was obviously such a dwarf planet.
Wow, you're weird.
Well, I guess I'm down here on the Worst Night of Your Life end of the spectrum to balance things out.
What did Evan do now?
This isn't about Evan.
It's...
It's about his parents.
And...
Evan.
The guy's a jerk, and you're better off without him.
Thanks for the support and understanding.
I'll be sure to do the same for you when you're dating someone.
Oh, wait.
I'll probably be too old by that time to care.
Well, start caring, because I just walked my date home.
A real date?
OK.
I'm sorry.
I feel like crap.
I got drunk...
And made an ass of myself in front of the esteemed Chambers clan.
You can call them esteemed, but I'll always believe you deserve better than Evan Chambers, Casey.
Well, we agree on one thing, Rusty.
Evan.
What are you doing here?
You want me to stay?
No.
But thanks.
Thank you.
I'm sorry for crashing the party.
And I think I accidentally flashed that admiral guy.
Don't apologize.
It's not your fault.
It's my fault.
I should've never put you in that position.
Then why did you?
Because all my life I have done what it takes to get ahead.
That is the Chambers way.
My life has been planned out for me since I was...
Before I was born.
You are the first person who has ever made me think that if I had to, I would take a detour.
I would go all the way off the map for you.
Evan, I don't want you to have to take a detour for me.
God, I messed up and I am so sorry.
Wait a minute.
Did you leave the dinner early?
Yeah.
Won't your parents be pissed?
Definitely.
Her?
That's her.
She doesn't like me.
She likes everybody.
This isn't how I imagined my first time.
I just thought it would mean some more.
Frannie started doubting my loyalty to Omega Chi.
Are you doubting?
They know?
I'm not telling.
Certain things you just have to accept about yourself.
I suck at hockey.
And I'm gay.
What?
It's my turn to ask.
Things between...
Can you forgive me?
I'm thinking I'll wear blue to the tea, then black to the president's dinner.
Or is black too sexpot?
What's wrong with sexpot?
You look good in sexpot.
Oh, I'm sure your parents would think so.
Sexpottery is the first thing you should bring up with my parents.
Come on, be serious.
So, what shouldn't I bring up?
Um...
reality TV.
My mother thinks it's beneath contempt.
She's on the board at PBS, so...
I'll cram in episodes of Masterpiece Theatre.
Nice.
As for my dad, he got burned trying to buy an IT company.
Don't mention technology.
He'll go ballistic.
No technology.
Yeah, no technology.
And I guess the number one topic to avoid is, um, my brother Patrick.
The one who...
Lives in Costa Rica, wears mandals, has dreadlocks?
That's him.
Don't worry, you're gonna be great.
It's just that I know how important they are to you.
And the rest of the world.
I mean, you're, like, part of a dynasty.
Chambers of Chambers International and Chambers Foundation.
Your father's being honored for donating a building to CRU.
That's major.
I'm used to it, I guess.
I love that it's no big deal to you.
It's...
sexy.
Someday, you and I...
...will have a dynasty of our own.
In 79 AD, on some date right around now, the mighty Mount Vesuvius erupted, laying waste to the citizens of Pompeii.
Each year, we honor those lost souls...
...with beer bongs and hotties.
Yeah!
Vesuvius is a homecoming legend.
No one on Greek Row even tries to compete on this night.
It's the party against which all other parties are judged.
Spitter?
Do we need dates?
Little man, dates are for date functions.
This is a party.
Parties are for random hook-ups.
This is a perfect opportunity for you to hone your game.
Great.
I got it.
He's got it.
Crush basket delivery!
What's a crush basket? "
A crush basket is one of the many ways a ZBZ girl, or any other sorority girl, for that matter, can let a guy know that she's interested in him. "
ZBZ handbook.
Uh, do you want some help?
Maybe you can pick that up while I take these in.
OK.
Crush baskets.
Yeah!
All right!
I'm Jen K.
There are three Jens in the ZBZ house: Jen R., Jen B.
And Jen Y.
Funny, huh? "
Jen Y."
Like "Gen-Y."
So, what's your name?
Rusty C.
For Cartwright.
There's a Cartwright in my sorority.
We have to memorize everyone for pledging.
Casey Cartwright.
Junior.
ZBZ Pledge Educator.
Favorite color: Pink.
One brother.
Oh.
Are you the brother?
Yes.
But Casey and I aren't exactly in the same social circle, as in probably none of those crush baskets are for me.
Oh.
One more.
This is for Cappie from all the girls at Tri-Pi.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Come on, Spitter, we've got a meeting to finish up in here.
This is for you.
So many Tri-Pis, so little shame.
What about those two?
Ben Bennett and...
Rusty. "
From your ZBZ secret admirer. "
Hey, Wade, get the camera.
Our little Rusty just got his first crush basket.
Do you realize what this means?
It isn't from your sister, I hope.
Somebody likes me.
I could actually get a girlfriend without having to do stuff I'm terrible at.
Like talking to girls.
Figure out who she is so I don't do something stupid in front of her without even knowing it.
Don't rush me.
What is this? "
Hey, sexy.
Wear this T-shirt to Vesuvius. "
You're gonna look like a traffic cone.
She'll be able to pick you out of the crowd.
I can't believe she called me sexy.
I wonder who she is.
Settle down.
She's going to reveal herself to you at the party.
So you just have to avoid doing something embarrassing for 48 hours.
I can do that.
Your fly's open.
I do believe 'twas he.
No, my Lord, I've been talking with a suitor here...
Are they even speaking English?
It's Shakespeare, Ashleigh.
What do you think?
Is it Katie Couric or Meredith Viera?
Neither.
What's up with the bad news-anchor fashion?
There are certain expectations that come with being a Chambers.
They're American royalty.
I want to live up to those expectations.
American royalty?
So you could be like Princess Diana.
Before the tunnel.
Exactly.
Oh.
I didn't know middle-aged matron was in this season.
Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could spend a little more time together.
Go do something.
Clothed.
You mean something like, uh, I pick you up in my dad's minivan, bring you some flowers, pay for a movie and hope you hold my hand during scary parts?
What did you have in mind?
I don't know.
Grab some food?
We all got to eat.
I'll give you a call.
I'm glad you could come see the house.
Casey's gonna be president of ZBZ next year.
Good.
We're so pleased that Evan decided to run for Omega Chi president.
It's a great thing to have on that r�sum� if you want to get into politics.
Evan's political.
Yesterday we were watching Frontline.
I don't know girls your age that watch public television.
All the time.
Just saw the most wonderful adaptation of Othello on PBS.
The staging of Desdemona's murder was incredibly powerful.
I helped secure funding for that.
You're kidding!
Well, you have excellent taste.
I like to think so.
Hi, Casey.
So that's why you were trying on all those clothes!
These must be Evan's parents!
Pleasure.
Evan totally has your eyes.
Thank you.
I'm Rebecca Logan.
Casey's my Big Sis in the sorority.
Senator Logan's daughter!
We heard you were going to school here.
You didn't mention you knew her.
Uh, it must have slipped my mind.
Casey didn't mention you, which is surprising because Casey and I share everything when it comes to Evan.
Right, Casey?
Mr.
Chambers, I just read about the new IT company you're acquiring.
You must be thrilled, your biggest deal.
The deal didn't go through.
Some political antitrust bull.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's too bad we didn't meet earlier.
Maybe my father could've helped out.
Well, next time.
Rebecca, why don't you join us?
No.
No, she's...
Rebecca's a very busy person.
Oh, just like your mother.
Besides, you're here to get to know Casey, not boring old me.
Congratulations on being honored.
Thank you.
Gentlemen, behind this tarp sits an important piece of Kappa Tau lore.
It was built in 1999 by the legendary Kappa Tau, Egyptian Joe, inspired after a weekend of special brownies and a Real World: Hawaii marathon.
Last year, this baby violated several local fire ordinances and one law of physics.
After eight years at Cyprus-Rhodes, Joe was forced to leave.
Bummer.
But his proud creation lives on.
I give you Vesuvius!
Beaver, let's light this mother up.
What the?
All right, well, let's not panic yet.
Now you can panic.
So wait.
What does this mean?
This means we're doomed.
This could be worse than the O'Doul's Debacle of '05.
Hey, who knew O'Doul's didn't have alcohol in it?
Everybody knew, Beaver.
If only we could figure out the volcano's instruction manual.
Pretty science-y.
I'm science-y!
Give me the manual, I'll fix the volcano!
You're sure, pledge?
Because if you do this, this party is in your hands.
Your small, delicate, very girlish hands.
This volcano is gonna break two laws of physics.
All right!
We're counting on you, Spitter.
Just our reputation as party mecca, my legacy as president and your love life ride on this.
No pressure.
Time for a shopping trip.
Time for a shopping trip.
Help me find a new dress for Mr.
Chambers' dinner.
Casey, you are totally overreacting.
So Rebecca stole your thunder at tea.
So what?
The most important thing: You're awesome and their son is totally in love with you.
That's true.
You're right.
I can turn this around.
I'm Casey Cartwright.
Parents tend to love me.
Like Derek, my high school boyfriend.
His mom said I was the daughter she never had.
And she had a daughter.
It was so awkward.
So, what are you worried about?
Evan's parents are in a different league, which is why I need the perfect dress.
Are you in?
Are you kidding me?
You had me at shopping trip.
This Egyptian Joe guy was a poetry major.
How complicated could his engineering be?
And then once I fix his volcano, I'll be on my way to meet my dream woman.
I'll just follow the manual, add a little imagination...
...and expose myself to the Ebola virus.
People can't be satisfied with how things are.
Why do they push things to the next level?
After setting myself on fire.
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
Nothing as in you and your top-secret mystery relationship?
No, no, it's not a relationship.
It's a thing.
Two, four, six, eight We won't let you detonate Two, four, six, eight We won't let you detonate Dale!
What are you doing?
We're staging a protest to save the RemingtonlHerzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module.
The what?
A device that manipulates weather patterns in a confined area.
The DOD commissioned it in the 1980s.
It never worked.
No, that's what they want you to think.
They never turned it on.
They don't want to turn it on.
They're afraid of possibilities.
We can't let fear destroy progress.
Join us.
We're going to Dobler's for a pledge mixer.
Rusty's gonna rub elbows with his secret admirer.
Enjoy your sin while the university destroys the most innovative prototype in all of science.
Whatever happened to priorities?
Sorry, Dale.
You're no scientist, Rusty Cartwright.
Did you see that?
I think she smiled at me.
Maybe that's her.
Well, she's definitely wasting her time on him.
Is that the mystery guy?
I'm not telling.
Hey, Rusty!
Remember me?
Jen K?
Crush baskets?
Yeah.
Where'd you come from?
Right over there.
I've been here, but I didn't want to interrupt.
I started to feel weird just sitting there.
I decided to say something.
I wasn't sure of what to say.
I'm gonna go get a refill.
So how'd that crush basket thing turn out?
Wait.
You delivered the crush baskets.
You must know who my secret admirer is.
No, I was just the messenger.
Why would you want to know, anyway?
I'd rather have the secret.
I could imagine it's anybody I wanted and not that weird guy in my English class who blew on my neck.
That's if guys gave crush baskets, but they don't.
I think Calvin could use a hand by the bar, so...
I can help!
I'm sorry.
Stop.
Jen...
Jen!
It's fine.
I'll help.
Stop.
I need a noise permit for the Vesuvius Party.
Since when does that rule get enforced?
Since I was hired.
Oh, OK, I get it.
So, uh, Officer...
Huck, you look like you could use a little break.
Want to come on in and we'll set you up with a nice cold beer.
That's what Officer Bob always did.
Where is good old Bob, anyway?
Rehab.
Oh.
Your permit deadline was today 0900 hours.
No permit, no party.
Although you could see if the Events Office will make an exception.
All you got to do is ask Gladys.
Gladys.
Pledge!
Assemble my Cougar Sack.
Don't forget to put in the aftershave.
I said, bring me my Cougar Sack!
I'm going in.
Hey, what perfect timing.
I was trying on the dress I got for your dad's dinner.
What do you think?
I was going for Angelina Jolie.
You know, sexy for you, charitable for your parents.
It's great.
It's great.
It's, um...
Listen, Case, about dinner...
Oh, is it too sexy?
Angelina-home wrecker, not UN ambassador?
No, no, no.
It's perfect.
It's not that.
It's...
OK.
My parents just invited some bigwig to sit at their table.
Political connections that can help my dad.
Some, you know, asset.
I feel like a total jerk, but...
they need your ticket.
My...
ticket?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, they needed a seat at the table for this...
person.
Wow.
I thought they liked me.
They do like you.
This is nothing personal.
It's just business.
When someone tells you it's not personal, it's something personal.
No, not with my parents.
OK, you've got to trust me.
OK, this has nothing to do with you.
This is the way things work in Chambers-land.
Never miss an opportunity to network.
And you can appreciate that, right?
Sure, I get it.
Great.
Um...
OK, I'll call you as soon as I get back.
We're cool, right?
Of course.
OK.
None of this makes any sense.
Listen to this.
Ah. "
Golden Wheat Thin Crunchy little bite of God With love, I eat you" I think that's a haiku.
I know, but it doesn't help me build this stupid volcano.
Neither does a list of the bra sizes of the 2005 Tri-Pi pledge class.
Or drawings about different types of monkeys.
Damn it!
Without this volcano, there will be no party, there's gonna be no secret admirer and then I'll never get a girlfriend.
You shouldn't be concentrating on this anyway, all right?
The module situation has gotten dire.
We're gonna stage an all-campus sit-in and I really hope to see you there. "
Crunchy little bite of God. "
Oh, hi!
I wanted to apologize for any part that I played...
Stop.
One word answers.
Is my sister here?
No.
Did she take her car?
I think so.
Three words.
Sorry.
What's wrong?
I need a car.
It's a matter of life and death.
Social death.
I have a car.
I can drive you.
I know I talk a lot, but it's because I'm nervous around new people.
It gets a lot better once I get to know a person.
And I'm a good driver.
And you seem really desperate.
I don't care if you're raising money for Darfur.
Request to assemble denied.
Next!
Hello there, sunshine.
Is that Old Spice you're wearing?
Why, yes, it is.
Ultra.
What do you want?
I was told you were a discerning woman.
A woman who appreciates the classics.
And after so many years wasted on callow young women who don't, I decided to gather up my courage and seek out a kindred spirit.
That is what I want, Gladys.
That's a very jazzy jacket.
No one wears madras anymore.
More's the pity.
And might I say the same about your lovely sweater?
Why did they stop sequins on wool?
Can we please hurry things up?
Hold your water, pal.
After this, I'm going on a fro-yo binge.
You are bummed about Evan screwing you out of going to his dad's dinner.
I can cancel on Calvin.
You need me.
I'm fine, Ash.
And I told you, he didn't screw me.
It was a business decision.
Nothing personal.
And I'm totally OK with it.
I'm more than OK.
I'm good with it.
Hi, guys.
So?
It was designed for Kate Hudson for the Golden Globes, but she didn't have the goods to fill it out.
Lucky me, I get to wear it to the dinner.
What dinner?
The dinner for Evan's dad.
I guess a ticket just became available and they invited me.
Wasn't that sweet?
All right.
So we're clothed and we're eating.
I was also hoping we could talk.
Hey, guys!
Ashleigh!
Sorry, I'm late.
Major house drama.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
You told me...
Join us. "
Some big-wig," Evan? "
Some big-wig" is Rebecca Logan?
How could you do this to me?
Oh, God.
Did you think I wouldn't find out?
I hoped you wouldn't.
It's like you cheated on me again!
No, Case, listen to me.
It's not like that at all.
OK, I should have told you.
You're right.
You're right.
It's just...
I didn't think I could convince you it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
But now you're making it a big deal, so I guess it is a big deal.
Even though it's not a big deal.
Are you trying to confuse me?
No.
Because it's not going to work.
I am pissed.
I know.
So if this isn't a big deal, Evan, why are you going and why is she going?
Because her father is a senator and my parents want to make that connection and there is nothing I can do about that.
Case...
...it'll all be over in just a few hours.
That may not be soon enough.
Case...
I had a good time with you guys.
Wait, I just had the best idea!
I am so going to hook you up with Zeta Betas at Vesuvius tonight!
Won't that be awesome?
So meet me by the kegs.
See you guys at the party.
Can't wait.
I'll see you at the party too.
Know what?
I think I'm gonna pass.
Pass?
On what?
Pass on this.
Like whatever this is.
This was a date and so you recruited Ashleigh to bust in so you wouldn't have to talk to me.
Not cool.
Hi.
What are you doing?
You're supposed to wait.
I couldn't.
It's so exciting.
What is this place?
Basement for the engineering building.
They use it for storage, but you have to leave.
I'm about to commit what could be a breach of homeland security.
Rusty, this is the most fun I've had since I got to this school.
I'd tell you reasons why you let me help, but then I'd be talking a lot again.
Like now.
So I can't.
Tell you.
I'm gonna steal the RemingtonlHerzog Atmospheric Destabilizing Module to power the Vesuvius volcano.
If it works, the module will condense all moisture in a 300-foot radius, steam it up through the volcano like a geyser.
It might even make a few thunderclaps.
You're still interested?
Thunderclaps?
Yeah.
Shh!
It's right up here.
I won't let you take it, you beast!
Rusty, you came!
Uh, yeah.
I had an idea to take this protest thing to the next level.
I'm listening.
It's not enough to just keep this module from being destroyed.
Let's say we save it.
They keep it locked up, untouched, never used, not even once.
I have dreamt of caressing its shiny aluminum shell.
I imagine it to be very, uh, very smooth.
And then after we touch it, maybe we could just, I don't know, take it somewhere.
Somewhere safe.
And then...
We could turn it on.
Rusty, lead me not into temptation.
I know, Dale, I know.
But ask yourself this question: What's the bigger evil?
Committing an act of civil disobedience or allowing the fifth most innovative atmospheric prototype of all time to die a lonely, undignified death?
I have the key.
Stop that!
What?
Do you have any idea how delicate it is?
You can't just grab it like a slab of beef.
Move.
Hello, pretty girl.
I hate the way they've got you cooped up in this dirty crate.
Dale!
Come on!
Run!
Rusty, I can't go to jail.
I have serious food allergies.
We're OK, Dale.
No one followed us.
You said we were going somewhere safe.
Kappa Tau house is not safe!
It's a filth palace!
And I won't go in there and neither is the module!
Think about it this way.
This is the last place they'd think to look for it.
What about Jesus?
What about Him?
Didn't Jesus walk amongst the sinners?
Think of all the people you'll have an opportunity to convert.
Jesus, take the wheel.
All right.
Who's ready to start drinking?
OK, the plan is we hook the volcano up to the module's cooling system to create the condensation effect.
It's exactly as I'd imagined.
So let's get to work.
My secret admirer awaits.
Hey.
Hi.
Listen, uh, I just wanted to apologize for the whole Ashleigh thing.
And, uh, I wanted to tell you...
Hey!
What's up?
Yeah!
Party!
Um, look...
I thought this was just a fling, you know?
So when you wanted more, it sort of freaked me out.
I just asked for one date.
No, yeah.
No, I know.
Hey!
Whoo!
Hey!
Yeah!
OK, uh, what I'm trying to say is, uh...
that it freaked me out when you wanted a date.
But what freaked me out more was you blowing me off.
And I realized that I really like you.
And I don't know what that means, you know, but, uh, I would like to find out.
So, uh, should we get out of here?
We check out the party?
We can duck Ashleigh all night long?
On second thought, let's grab a cup of coffee.
Cool.
Hey!
Whoo!
So does fuchsia make me look hippy?
Kinda.
Nice coconuts.
So why aren't you at that posh dinner with His Pomposity Lord Chambers?
Oh, that.
He went...
without me.
I'm not posh enough for his parents.
Ah, quintessential Chambers move.
Use the son to expand the evil empire.
And he went right along with it.
It's not like that.
Well, whatever it's like, it's got you hitting Wade's Hula Hooch pretty hard.
Cheers.
Calvin and Heath totally dissed me!
I can't find them anywhere.
Are you still moping over dumb head Evan?
Just stop.
Stop thinking about Rebecca in her designer dress with her boobs busting out, throwing herself all over Evan as they dance, his parents start writing their wedding vows.
Just stop.
I wasn't thinking about that!
Oh.
And now I am.
I can't get it out of my head!
OK, picture the audience in their underwear.
Wait, that's for stage fright.
This problem needs to be tackled head on.
Where are we going?
To make sure that skank doesn't put her hooks into your boyfriend.
You are such a good friend.
So David got stoned with the Philistines?
Cool.
No, no, OK!
David smote the Philistine with a stone, not smoked with Philistines and got stoned.
OK, it's totally different.
You go to college?
Hey, volcano all set?
All set.
Don't believe everything you read.
Hey.
Oh, it's you.
I'm looking for my secret admirer.
She told me to wear this shirt.
Pretty funny, huh?
It must be a nightshirt.
That was in your basket?
Yeah, along with a note that said to meet her here.
No offense, Jen, but if she sees me talking to you, she might...
...get the wrong idea.
OK, Rusty, there's something I...
Eww!
That's not for you!
Where did you get that shirt?
In my crush basket?
That was not your crush basket!
That was his.
I'm sorry.
There must have been some sort of mix-up.
You think?
Rusty, I can explain.
Gather around, party people, and hold onto your leis.
We're about to blow your mind.
Courtesy of our little buddy, the volcanic mastermind, Spitter himself, Rusty Cartwright!
Five, four, three, two, one!
Whoo!
That's a very generous offer.
Your internship's supposed to be topnotch.
Isn't it lovely you got to meet Admiral Lewiston?
He's a big supporter of your father.
Lovely is definitely the word.
There's Roger and Brenda.
Let's go.
Oh!
I, uh, can tie a knot in this with my tongue.
Please don't.
Ugh!
This place needs DJ A.M.
ASAP.
Eww!
What did that old man do with his tongue?
I almost feel sorry for her.
Well, no, I don't.
I can't see.
Stop that!
You're shaking the plant!
This was a bad idea.
Evan's not talking to her.
I should've trusted him.
Get out of here before someone sees.
Oh, crap.
Oh crap!
Where's my phone?
Where's my phone?
Turn it off!
He's coming!
Let's go!
Let's just...
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Oh, God, can we just talk about this later?
What is going on here?
Casey?
Nice outfit.
Evan, take care of this.
I'm so sorry, Mrs.
Chambers.
Excuse me, I'm talking to my son.
You're not even supposed to be here.
Mom, don't talk to her like that.
Evan, I'm sorry.
Ash, let's go.
Casey.
Casey.
Casey, wait.
Evan, it's time to introduce your father.
It's all right.
Everything's under control.
Hey.
I...
I put your name on that crush basket, but I didn't know about the note and the shirt.
Why would you do that?
Because I felt bad for you.
Oh, that makes me feel a lot better!
Thanks, Jen, for taking pity on the most pathetic pledge at Cyprus-Rhodes.
OK, now you are being pathetic.
Then you just seemed, I don't know, unappreciated.
So I appreciated you in a really stupid way.
And I'm sorry.
But I feel unappreciated too.
I had a great time with you today.
I haven't felt that comfortable with a guy in, like...
ever.
I thought you were feeling the same way, but then we get here and you couldn't wait to find your stupid secret admirer.
Did you ever think that you might have an un-secret admirer?
You like me?
Duh.
Hey, where's all the beer?
I think I just felt the earth move.
Me too.
Seriously.
I think we're having an earthquake.
It's a miracle!
It's raining beer.
Oh, my God!
It's raining beer!
It's raining beer!
It's beer.
I'm sorry, Lord!
I'm sorry.
Spitter!
You have just become a legend!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Spitter!
It worked, like you said.
It needed time to suck up the moisture!
I think we topped Egyptian Joe.
Hell, yes!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Spitter!
Did you seriously skip just now?
Hey!
Did you see the volcano?
I made it rain beer.
It was awesome.
This has been, hands down, the best night of my life.
Even better than the time they announced Pluto wasn't a planet.
I hated Pluto.
It was obviously such a dwarf planet.
Wow, you're weird.
Well, I guess I'm down here on the Worst Night of Your Life end of the spectrum to balance things out.
What did Evan do now?
This isn't about Evan.
It's...
It's about his parents.
And...
Evan.
The guy's a jerk, and you're better off without him.
Thanks for the support and understanding.
I'll be sure to do the same for you when you're dating someone.
Oh, wait.
I'll probably be too old by that time to care.
Well, start caring, because I just walked my date home.
A real date?
OK.
I'm sorry.
I feel like crap.
I got drunk...
And made an ass of myself in front of the esteemed Chambers clan.
You can call them esteemed, but I'll always believe you deserve better than Evan Chambers, Casey.
Well, we agree on one thing, Rusty.
Evan.
What are you doing here?
You want me to stay?
No.
But thanks.
Thank you.
I'm sorry for crashing the party.
And I think I accidentally flashed that admiral guy.
Don't apologize.
It's not your fault.
It's my fault.
I should've never put you in that position.
Then why did you?
Because all my life I have done what it takes to get ahead.
That is the Chambers way.
My life has been planned out for me since I was...
Before I was born.
You are the first person who has ever made me think that if I had to, I would take a detour.
I would go all the way off the map for you.
Evan, I don't want you to have to take a detour for me.
God, I messed up and I am so sorry.
Wait a minute.
Did you leave the dinner early?
Yeah.
Won't your parents be pissed?
Definitely.