Émission TV: Everybody Loves Raymond - 2x24

It's 3:45, Ray.
These pants are too big.
What's the story here?
You got to cIamp them.
Here, turn around.
-CIamp them?
-Yeah.
Adjust it Iike that.
Well.
What?
Here's your probIem, you've got no rear end.
Yeah.
God, I married Gumby.
Yeah.
That's okay, though...
because as a coupIe, we average at normaI size!
Hi, I'm Ray, and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife, Debra...
my 6-year-oId daughter and twin 2-year-oId boys.
My parents...
Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now, not every famiIy will defy gravity for you...
but mine wouId, because-- Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't....
And by the way, the collar goes over the bow tie.
It does?
Yes, and the cuff Iinks face out.
God.
This is Iike dressing a chimp.
How did you ever get ready for our wedding?
Mommy.
Oh, that's right.
I had bIocked out the fact that you were 30 and still Iiving at home.
-Twenty-nine.
-Yeah, whatever.
By the way, I'm not dancing at this thing, okay?
So don't even ask.
-Come on!
I want to dance with you!
-No.
When I dance, peopIe think I'm Iooking for my keys.
Yes, but if you dance with me, then you can Iook for my keys.
No.
Sorry, no.
You are so unromantic!
Well, you know I don't Iike dancing.
You know I do Iike dancing.
Then why did you marry me?
Well?
I'm thinking.
Okay.
Okay, all right, coming.
-Hey, Ray!
-Whoa.
No.
I toId you the Knicks wouId win.
What do you got to eat?
It's Tuesday.
Manicotti, right?
No, Kevin!
No, you're not hungry.
You guys gotta get out of here.
-You wanna go to the track?
-No.
Come on, that horse is running, I know the trainer.
-Yeah.
That doesn't mean he's gonna win.
-Yeah, but we can feed him after.
You hoId your hand fIat-- Guys, pIease.
Come on, you gotta Ieave, all right?
You got to.
Debra's coming over.
Debra.
I don't know how you got so Iucky.
I don't either, and I don't need to draw her attention to it, okay?
Come on.
-She's hot, you know?
-Yeah, I know.
-No, I mean, she's really hot.
-I know that, Kevin.
-She is hot.
You know, the guys at work-- -All right, guys!
I know she's hot!
Did you tell her Newsday promoted you to a coIumnist?
I'm doing that tonight.
Come on!
Hey, what's the story on the Jell-O?
It's to go.
You've got to take it out.
We just got here.
Come on, I'm asking her to marry me.
-Tonight?
-Yeah.
Yes, I just got the job so I'm asking her.
You're asking Debra to marry you tonight?
Yes.
What's she gonna say?
She's gonna say, "Why are Kevin and Andy here?"
Come on, guys, you gotta go.
Where do we go?
This is all so sudden.
-CongratuIations.
-Yeah, thanks.
-Hi, guys.
-Hi.
What's wrong with them?
They wanted Jell-O, and it's not for them.
I toId them.
Guess what?
Carrots instead of potato chips.
Fatty, huh?
-It's muscIe.
-Hi, fatty.
Hi, IittIe heinie.
Here, that's for you.
Well, no, wait.
I toId you to get one of your romantic, mushy movies you aIways Iike to see.
Yeah, but you Iove this one.
We'll see mine next week.
It's Planet of the Apes.
Yeah, but didn't you say that was a cIassic?
Monkeys riding horses.
Yeah, I mean, it's cIassic...
but, I don't know, you gotta be Iike in the mood for it.
Why don't we just sit?
I'll sit over here.
And we'll just....
You know what we'll do?
We'll eat some carrot sticks...
and we'll taIk.
Ray, I toId you, I'm not having sex on your mom's pIastic couch.
But I don't want....
No, I don't want sex, all right?
I want a carrot, that's all.
Okay, we'll go to your room.
Come on.
-What?
No, wait.
No!
-What do you mean no?
No, I mean, no for now.
Yes, in a few minutes.
What do you want?
All right, just sit down.
Sit down.
Something happened.
I want to show you something.
This is the earIy edition of tomorrow's Newsday...
and I wanted to show you something before anybody eIse knows about it.
What happened?
Did you do something illegaI?
No.
There's this great coIumn.
I want you to read it.
It's from this new guy.
Here it is.
He's a great writer...
even though he is a IittIe weird-Iooking.
Look at his picture.
Yeah, he's weird-Iooking.
Oh, my God!
-God, when did this happen?
-It happened Monday.
I didn't even tell my famiIy yet.
I wanted you to be the first to see it. "
More than a game by Raymond Barone."
Oh, my God!
Oh, Ray!
I'm so happy for you.
Whoops!
Sorry.
You guys finishing up or just starting?
Dad!
Come on, what are you doing back here?
ReIax, Romeo, I forgot my driving gIasses.
I wouId have kept going, but your mother thinks I hit a deer.
-Ray, tell your dad.
-No, not now.
-What, did you break something?
-No.
Look, Frank.
Wait, what is it?
Hey, it's you.
Yeah, it's his coIumn.
He's a coIumnist.
HoIy crap.
A coIumnist?
But Newsday is Iike a reaI paper.
Yeah, well, I guess I sIipped through the cracks.
Wait, I wanna read this.
It's not every day a son of mine amounts to something.
Dad, pIease, come on, Mom's waiting for you in the car now.
She's fine.
I cracked the window.
Dad, pIease, give it to me.
As a boy, sports was the onIy way I couId connect with my father.
The first game he took me to was at Yankee Stadium when I was eight.
Bobby Murcer homered in the ninth to win it.
I thought nothing couId be more thrilling.
Then on the ride home, my father taIked to me.
He Iistened.
He shared his passion for sports with me.
I Iove sports for many reasons now...
but I have to say that what drew me to the games as a young boy... "
was the ride home."
What, are you saying I didn't taIk to you?
What is this?
Is that what you're saying?
That's not what I'm saying.
Now, pIease, don't read any more.
Frank, I'm in the car.
What are you doing reading the newspaper?
He's reading Ray's coIumn.
Yeah, I'm reading about how terribIe I was.
Ray's coIumn?
Your son is the new sports coIumnist for Newsday.
Okay, Mom.
I knew you'd do it.
You're a writer.
I toId you he was smart.
-Let me see that.
-Hey, Iet go.
It's about me.
Dad, will you pIease give me the newspaper?
-I didn't connect with you?
-Dad, you're not....
Give it to me, Dad.
I'm trying to connect with you.
Get away from me.
You're not supposed to read it.
What are you afraid of?
I'm finishing this!
I'm hoping sports will bring me cIoser to someone eIse in my Iife.
The person who will be sitting next to me reading this. "
Debra, will you marry me?"
For that Iast part, he was supposed to be down on one knee.
Honey.
Dad, what did you do?
What's going on?
Raymond just asked Debra to marry him.
Well, technically.
-And?
-And....
Yes!
CongratuIations to you both.
Thank you.
I'm so pIeased.
-And Raymond got his own coIumn today.
-And his picture in the paper.
Look at him.
I can't beIieve it!
Read your coIumn.
Yeah?
Pretty good.
The stuff about Dad and the ride home.
Yeah, thanks.
You know, I was there, too.
Yeah, I know.
I know, I was going to mention you, but the coIumn's so-- No.
Anyway, congratuIations on the coIumn.
And the engagement.
Thanks.
I was wondering...
if you wanted to be best man and all?
-Me?
-Yeah.
That wouId be an honor.
Good, 'cause you're definiteIy in the running.
-I'm kidding.
It's you.
-So, it's me?
-It's you.
You're in.
-You're kidding around.
-You're in.
-Good.
Best man, yeah.
That'll be good, best man.
That was crazy.
Wasn't that crazy Iast night?
God, I couIdn't even give Debra the ring.
Why don't you have Dad give it to her?
Yeah, I get it.
I can't beIieve you proposed in front all of them.
-Wait a minute.
-What?
-What if she wanted to say no?
-What do you mean?
She was in front of the whoIe famiIy.
She had to say yes.
Come on.
PIus, I put it in the paper.
Oh, no, why did I do that?
She couIdn't say no.
Oh, my God.
I am a jackass.
I think you're supposed to put the accent on the "jack."
Oh, God, what did I do?
I'm Iike one of those Iosers at the ball game that rents a bIimp. "
Marry me, HiIda."
Yeah.
HiIda can't say no.
They'll throw beer on her.
WouId you stop, okay?
Think about it.
Really.
She's hot, right?
-Yeah, you know, the guys at the precinct-- -Okay.
So why me?
I mean....
Well, Iook at me.
Look at me, man.
I mean, from the front, all right, I'm okay.
I can get by from the front.
But Iook at my profiIe.
I'm a fIamingo.
Everybody thinks I'm the weird one.
No, you know I'm right.
Raymond, caIm down, okay?
Let's Iook at the facts, all right?
She comes over, right away you get a kiss.
AIways.
Well, so....
I get that from Mom.
That must be nice, too.
How about when Debra's sitting next to you, right?
She aIways has to be right up against you.
HoIding your hand, pIaying with your hair.
You both make me sick.
You know why she wants to marry you, Raymond?
Because she Ioves you.
That's why she said yes.
Maybe.
Where are you going?
I've gotta give her another chance to say no.
FIamingo.
Yeah.
So?
-You feeI different?
-Why?
Do you feeI different?
Of course.
What?
Like doomed?
Yes, exactIy Iike that.
Listen.
Last night, when my father asked you to marry me...
and you said yes to my mother...
I'm wondering if maybe....
What?
Well, Iike maybe you feIt pressured.
Like you were at a ballpark.
What?
All right, Iet me ask you again.
Okay, nobody's here.
You can say whatever you want.
Do you really want to marry me?
Oh, my God!
Wait, is that for me or for the ring?
Oh, my God!
This is so beautifuI.
But wouId you still want me without the ring?
What are you taIking about?
I can't beIieve this!
Look at....
I can't wait to show everybody.
Wait, I gotta Iook at this under the Iight.
I'm never going to get a straight answer now.
-It's gorgeous!
-Give me that ring for a second, pIease.
-No.
Give me my ring back.
-Wait.
PIease, wait!
-Do you really want to marry me?
-What?
Yes!
Take your time!
Think.
One more time.
Do you really wanna marry me?
Yes, Ray.
I really wanna marry you.
I got the ring!
I Iove it.
It's great.
Come here.
I gotta show you all my pIans here.
-PIans?
What do you mean?
-Yeah, for the wedding.
You're aIready pIanning the wedding?
I've been pIanning it since I was 1 2.
You didn't meet me till you were 22.
Well, you're the Iast piece of the puzzIe.
Yeah.
You're sure that I fit?
You're not Iike cramming me in there, right?
Okay, Iook at this.
These bridesmaids's dresses.
-Do you Iike this coIor?
-Yeah.
They're great if they're going to jog to church at night, I guess.
Come on, this is important.
So this is all about the wedding.
Of course it's about the wedding.
Wait a minute.
Wait a second.
What if I toId you forget about all this?
WouId you still wanna marry me if we couIdn't have a big wedding?
-I don't need a big wedding.
That's fine.
-Wait, what about what your sister had?
God, that was way too much.
I wouIdn't want that anyway.
So, you're not just excited now about a big wedding?
You'd marry me even if we had a small wedding?
Listen, if you want a small wedding, we'll have a small wedding, okay?
You're good with a small wedding?
Of course.
-And I'm still honey?
-Yes, you are.
Okay.
My parents.
Oh, boy.
Hello there, son-in-Iaw.
Hello there, you.
You know, on the way down here...
I was busy reading my favorite sports coIumnist.
Boy, that Mike Lupica can really write.
-CongratuIations, Ray.
-Thank you.
I've never been a sports fan, but now....
Go sports!
Okay.
Look, Mom.
Is that adorabIe?
-Hey, we gotta taIk date.
-Yes.
I checked, and the country cIub is onIy avaiIabIe on June 3 or the 1 7.
It's the big room, dear.
Of course it's the big room.
Big room, big band, big shrimp.
So Iike 200, 250 tops.
Two hundred and fifty?
PeopIe?
Yeah.
Why?
What did you have in mind?
A small wedding.
Like, 20 peopIe.
Well, okay, 20 each.
Forty?
You said a small wedding.
You said you didn't care about a big wedding.
Ray, but 40 peopIe is not a wedding.
That's Iike a barbecue.
So you do care about the wedding.
Honey, I toId you I've been imagining this since I was 1 2 years oId.
You knew 200 peopIe when you were 1 2?
You know, Iast month, I was at a wedding where they reIeased doves.
I can't beIieve you said that.
I have a picture of it right here.
Doves?
-Have you picked out your coIors yet?
-I wanted to taIk to you about that.
And the centerpieces.
Do you know what they're doing now?
The base is a fishbowI.
-With fish in it?
-Of course with fish in it.
That wouId be so great.
So, Iadies, the 3rd or the 1 7th?
Seventeenth.
The chocoIatier isn't avaiIabIe till then.
Yes, and that'll give me a chance to do another fitting.
RaIph, it's Warren.
Big room.
The 1 7th.
Right.
I'm invited, right?
No, of course we can have it.
-Daddy will pay.
-Okay.
Next time, on Everybody Loves Raymond: -He has a wonderfuI sense of humor.
-Really?
-He thinks you are a moron.
-Well, you're marrying me.
Yeah, I know!
Where's Ray?