Émission TV: The Simpsons - 35x10
♪ The Simpsons ♪ {\an8}In local news, champion angler Abe Simpson is retiring.
{\an8}Yes, it's "o-fish-ial."
{\an8}After reeling in his 20th fishing derby win, {\an8}he's finally bowing "trout."
{\an8}Later, stay "tuna" for our "sharking" story {\an8}about a local "sturgeon" with a "cod" complex {\an8}who kills patients just for the "halibut."
{\an8}Abe, why retire now?
{\an8}Well, I wanna go out on my 20-year win streak {\an8}and pass along my only earthly talent to my son.
{\an8}Tomorrow, he's gonna take over the Simpson family fishing dominance.
{\an8}To all you fish out there watching, he's a-comin' for ya!
{\an8}Whoa, it's sexy when you're on the local news for something not horrible.
{\an8}Those fish should be so scared.
{\an8}[groans] Those fish shouldn't be scared at all.
{\an8}I never win anything.
{\an8}Why does my dad think I'll win this fishing contest?
{\an8}Maybe because all you have to do is sit still and hold a stick.
{\an8}That's two things.
[groans] {\an8}[humming] {\an8}[door opens] {\an8}Principal Skinner, sorry to barge in.
{\an8}But I'm applying to the most selective kids summer camp in the country.
{\an8}They even reject the Silicon Valley Adderall kids.
{\an8}And, um, I was hoping you'd write me a letter of recommendation.
{\an8}[chuckling] Recommendation letter?
{\an8}No one's ever asked me to write one of those before.
{\an8}I've mainly just done letters to judges requesting leniency.
{\an8}If I'm accepted into the University of Springfield Camp, {\an8}I'll be fast-tracked to get into the Amherst Middle School Summer Workshop, which is a feeder to the UC Santa Cruz Marine Biology Retreat, which is a sure ticket into the Oberlin Philosophy Day Camp with sleepover option.
Well, I believe my Edu-95 Software Bundle did come with a recommendation template.
Don't forget, I was the classroom hamster monitor.
And the art club parliamentarian.
And I chaired the fundraiser to get the lunch ladies ethical hairnets.
[chuckles] Got it. "
Many interests."
And print.
[printer printing] [gasps] {\an8}Never mind.
{\an8}Welcome to the annual Springfield Fishing Derby {\an8}sponsored by Duff Camo.
{\an8}The deer will never see you're drunk.
{\an8}And now, the champion emeritus will throw out the ceremonial first cast.
[grunts] [chuckles] [cheering] Dad, why do you think I can do this?
I never win anything.
Oh, I don't believe in you.
I'm banking on the Simpsons fishing gene.
I'm finally gonna pass down something other than chronic hand hate.
[cries] [scoffs] We're three hours into this nail-biting, intense competition, folks.
Which means butt fatigue is really setting in on these recumbent warriors.
[groaning] [backs, hips cracking] Aw, man.
If I wanted to watch Dad sit and do nothing, I'd visit him at work.
Mom, I bet the other camp applicants are volunteering and accomplishing stuff.
I'm just standing around here getting a tan line from my pearls.
I'm sure you'll get in.
You get into everything.
I can pick up litter, rescue driftwood, make sure beavers aren't chewing on washed-up mannequin arms.
[chittering] [grunting] [murmurs] Sorry, Marge, but can you murmur a little quieter?
I'm trying to fish.
Uh-oh.
I gotta let myself run a little.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
[Marge groans] [fishers laugh] [grunts, screams] [laughing] What the hell is that thing?
Get it out!
Get it...
Oh.
Hey!
Homie!
[Bart cheers] The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds.
Will a heavier fish arise?
We'll find out right after this.
When you're gutting your catch, are you sick and tired of being stared at by cold, accusing fish eyes?
You need the Happy Hood.
That's right, fish.
You love it.
And don't forget to play the Happy Hood mobile game.
Homer Simpson's fish comes in at 10.4 pounds.
We have a winner!
[fishers clamor] [fisher] Whoa!
[cries] I've never won anything before.
What do I do?
Uh.
Oh.
[chuckles] My gorgeous boy, I've never loved you more.
Thanks, Dad.
I get to cook my husband's prize-winning fish.
The whole house is gonna stink like victory.
What?
Is this where marbles come from?
Like pearls in lobsters?
Uh, how did my slingshot marbles get in there?
You added weight to my fish with marbles?
I-I couldn't help it.
Watching you lose was so boring.
So I didn't really win at all.
You cheated!
[grunting] Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my gorgeous boy.
I've never loved you more. "
The Saga of the Oregon Trail.
A poem by Milhouse Van Houten.
We started our journey to the Pacific because we heard that it was terrific."
I'm here to take Bart Simpson to his doctor's appointment.
I have a doctor's appointment?
Oh, yeah, a bunch of them.
You're really sick. "
We made our first camp when we were all ready.
We made our first dinner, meatballs and spaghetti."
Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor.
[laughs] There's no doctor.
So I'm not sick?
I don't know.
Everybody's got something.
You and me are going cheating.
Huh?
When your fish marbles won me that contest, it was the greatest thrill I ever had as a father.
And I want to feel that rush again.
H-How do we cheat at rock skipping?
I don't know.
Making a plan to cheat in advance felt dishonest.
[humming] Perfect.
[hums] Ooh, a big envelope from summer camp admissions.
I bet that's good news.
Mom, that's my safety.
Of course I'm gonna get in there.
Florida State's a total party camp.
Why haven't I heard yet?
Janey got responses from all her camps, even her reaches.
Her essay was about her grandmother's immigrant story.
She came from Ottawa.
That's barely an immigrant.
[grunting] Mmm.
[announcer] Coming up later, {\an8}the LIV Pickleball Tour from Riyadh, where it's 110 degrees in the desert, {\an8}- and the action's heating up.
[camel groans] But now, it's time for competitive rock skipping.
Well, they are really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new sports content.
Yeah.
And barrel scraping is up next.
[announcer] Here, we have last year's champion, Cletus Spuckler, taking the shore.
Home viewers will notice that's not the famous Nike swoosh on his shoes, but rather leeches on his bare feet.
Here comes the skip.
[audience] Ah.
{\an8}[announcer] Twenty-two skips!
{\an8}That's a throw worthy of the late, great Doink Anderson.
{\an8}Interesting fact, he left his widow nothing.
{\an8}Next up, Homer Simpson.
{\an8}A first-timer but using the same equipment as these pros, a flat rock he found on the ground.
[grunts] {\an8}- [announcer] Forty-six skips.
[audience cheering] {\an8}This almost makes my hitchhiking here worth it.
[chuckles] [cheering] This.
This is what we do it for.
The cheater's high.
You can feel the scam pulsing in your blood.
Like snorting lotto scratcher dust or being elected king of Hamburger Planet.
You know, Dad, all the times I cheated on stuff before...
school tests, COVID tests...
I always felt kind of bad about it.
But cheating with you feels so right.
Can we do it one more time?
Son, we're never gonna stop doing it.
[country music playing] ♪ Come on Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ ♪ No need to follow rules We're lazy ♪ ♪ Order water But fill your cup with Sprite ♪ ♪ Say you're in the army To preboard your flight ♪ ♪ Fake a corporate tweet To sell a stock short ♪ ♪ Take your pig to work As emotional support ♪ ♪ We're a two-man scheming crew Cheating's our father-son glue ♪ ♪ Honestly with honesty We never got along ♪ ♪ I raised you right By teaching you wrong ♪ {\an8}♪ Get a doctor's note For more time on the SAT ♪ {\an8}♪ Write your term paper with ChatGPT Yeah ♪ ♪ Lose an election and call it unfair ♪ ♪ Cut the roller coaster line With a rented wheelchair ♪ ♪ I reckon You're my cheatin' soul brother ♪ ♪ Cheat on everything ♪ ♪ But never each other ♪ ♪ But never each other Whoo!
♪ Bart, I finally get why some dudes become dads on purpose.
This has been the best week of my life.
Me too.
And my life's not a barfnado like yours.
Do you think it's a little strange that your dad is suddenly winning all these contests and giant prizes?
Yeah, I've noticed the same thing.
I guess I just assumed that sports in America were getting much, much easier.
Hey, honey.
Do you want this ladies' gillie suit I won at the tobacco-spitting competition?
Homer, we need to talk.
Oh, I like when we talk.
I don't like when we need to talk.
You're sure winning a lot of activities you've never even tried before.
I'm sorry to ask this, but are you cheating?
Oh, I can't lie to you.
Wait, that's a lie.
I can lie and I have.
But I'm not going to now.
I am cheating, but not for prizes or glory.
Me and Bart are cheating together as a team.
It's our father-son thing.
[sighs] Can't you do something else with Bart?
Like coach his soccer team?
Soccer?
You mean bribing refs?
Where's the challenge?
That's not the kind of cheating that brings a dad and his son closer.
We have this special bond like LaVar and Lonzo Ball or Cecil and Prince Fielder before they became estranged.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Cheating is wrong.
Maybe you should find another way to bond with your son.
Like just being a good dad.
Oh, where's the Jet Ski in that?
[groans] Marge, you're always saying you want our kids to succeed.
Then maybe not cheating is cheating them.
[grunts] Refresh.
Nothing.
Refresh.
Still nothing.
Refresh.
[gasps] Spinny rainbow!
[gasps] Nothing.
[doorbell rings] Lisa Simpson.
I'm here from the University of Springfield Camp, and I'm very excited to tell you that you've been accepted into our summer program.
[gasps] I got in?
That's amazing.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's so classy that you came to tell everybody in person.
As the rowing coach, I like to personally welcome all the incoming members of our camp rowing team.
What?
Rowing?
Your application photos were amazing.
You can row anywhere in the shell.
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
Wh...
Uh, what?
What?
{\an8}See you at camp.
Here's your Henley.
[gasps] [gasps] [gasps] Someone put doctored photos into my application.
And I know who.
[screams] You cheated for me!
What?
No, I didn't.
Honey, what's the matter?
Dad and Bart put my head on an Olympic rower's body to cheat my way into camp.
No, we didn't.
Why would we help someone who's already good at things?
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.
He could win an electric truck they converted back to gas.
You've already cheated at every dumb sport in the world.
I bet you're cheating at this dumb sport right now.
[all gasp] [thuds] [Hans] Ow, my foot.
Lisa.
[shushes] A lot of these axe throwers have guns in their cars.
What are you afraid of?
That they'll see this?
[all gasp] A magnet.
If you was cheating at this, I bet you cheated at all them other events you surprisingly and illogically won.
We were robbed.
Of our prizes and our dignity.
[rock music playing in headphones] Get 'em!
Stay back.
I'm a champion axe thrower.
[grunts] [thuds] [Hans] Ow, my stump.
[axe throwers clamoring] Don't let them cheaters get away.
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
We didn't cheat.
Quick.
Get on the ATVs we won by cheating.
[chuckles] Looks like you just got cheated out of your revenge.
[all sigh] If you think I'm not mad anymore, you're wrong.
While we were escaping, I got even more mad.
It's called multitasking.
And it was one of the legitimate skills on my application.
Remember, the one you cheated on?
We didn't, I swear.
Cheater's honor.
Oh, really?
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded all those fake photos of me rowing so I could get into camp?
[Marge] I did.
You?
You?
No, no.
It must have been me!
No, it was me.
But, Marge, you're you.
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
[gasps] Dad, we ruined Mom.
No.
No!
[retching, coughing] What have I done?
Other than everything I know that I did.
Yes, I cheated.
And you showed me how to do it, but not to win a beef jerky dehydrator or Harley Davidson beard shampoo.
If you want your kids to succeed, then not cheating is cheating them.
[retches] Mom, you also cheated me out of the chance to get in on my own merits.
I worked hard.
I cleaned up the beach.
I taught old people how to email.
{\an8}I was working with 72-point font.
Oh, this is all our fault.
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
But we can learn and do better.
Let's never, ever bond again.
You're right.
Never again.
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
I swear, Dad.
I swear.
There you is.
We never would have found you if it weren't for all that guilt-vomiting we done heard.
Go ahead.
Kill me.
Cleave my skull.
I don't deserve to live after corrupting the only good person I've ever known.
I don't know about that.
We were just going to rough you up a little bit.
Oh, well, I mean, I...
I guess we could kill you, but you probably need to sign a waiver or something.
[person] Nobody is killing anyone.
[all] Aw.
[Brandine] Oh, man.
The Simpsons coming with us.
[screaming] [both grunt] You think we'll all stay friends after this or just drift apart?
Yep.
Drift apart it is.
Ah, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
They must know about the fake application.
{\an8}[chuckling] Welcome, Simpsons.
I hope you don't mind {\an8}that I had the University of Springfield football team bring you here.
Um, I want to apologize for being party to a false application.
My mother and I need to have the talk about honesty.
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
It may surprise you to learn that this institution has a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
After all, this is University of Springfield Camp.
USC.
{\an8}Wh...
You're okay with me cheating?
{\an8}Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
{\an8}You think your application was the only one with embellishments?
{\an8}Look at these.
{\an8}This 10-year-old claims she performs open-heart surgery.
{\an8}This 12-year-old said it was her idea to use big, fat straws for boba tea.
{\an8}And you know what?
[chuckling] We let them all in.
[Lisa gasps] But I want to live an ethical life.
This is the world we live in.
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS.
Dating profiles are nothing but lies.
And right now, the Houston Astros are dreaming up ways to cheat that would blow your mind.
[Homer screams] So, here at USC, we decided to own cheating and prepare our students for the way the world is.
Not the way some would like it to be.
What do you say, Lisa?
{\an8}Will you accept our most prestigious Lance Armstrong summer scholarship?
{\an8}Am I risking everything I believe in {\an8}by refusing to do something I don't believe in?
{\an8}[groans] {\an8}I choose honesty.
I'm proud of you, honey.
Yep.
Walking out the door, leaving this room and this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
[chuckles] Walking out.
Here I go.
[strains] Principles powering my feet.
[grunts] Would you like me to give you a little push?
Would you?
[sighs] Let the rowing coach know we're sorry she was lied to.
[laughs] I think she may be used to it.
Homer, a moment?
I've been following your incredible streak of dishonesty.
[chuckling] Very impressive.
So much so, I'd like to offer you a position as a professor in our Faculty of Cheating Studies.
{\an8}What do you say?
{\an8}Will you shape the minds of tomorrow's white-collar criminals?
{\an8}No.
{\an8}For once, I learned something at college.
{\an8}A lesson.
Cheating almost ruined my wife.
Who is all the love and goodness you can stuff inside a green dress.
I'll never cheat again.
Except on diets.
Okay.
Here's how you really skip a rock.
Oh, I used to be so good at this.
Hey, where's Bart?
He said he had an appointment every Thursday night from 7:00 to 9:00.
Students, look to your left.
Look to your right.
Those are the people you'll be cheating off of.
♪ Come on Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ ♪ No need to follow rules We're lazy ♪ ♪ You get results from hard work but Why bother when there's a corner to cut?
♪ ♪ When you sell your home Don't mention the mold ♪ ♪ If you're gonna cheat You gotta go bold ♪ ♪ Record that spare as a strike ♪ ♪ Strap your Fitbit to your bike ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing like cheatin' To get the old heart beatin' ♪ ♪ Cheat along, little doggy Whoo!
♪ Shh.
{\an8}Yes, it's "o-fish-ial."
{\an8}After reeling in his 20th fishing derby win, {\an8}he's finally bowing "trout."
{\an8}Later, stay "tuna" for our "sharking" story {\an8}about a local "sturgeon" with a "cod" complex {\an8}who kills patients just for the "halibut."
{\an8}Abe, why retire now?
{\an8}Well, I wanna go out on my 20-year win streak {\an8}and pass along my only earthly talent to my son.
{\an8}Tomorrow, he's gonna take over the Simpson family fishing dominance.
{\an8}To all you fish out there watching, he's a-comin' for ya!
{\an8}Whoa, it's sexy when you're on the local news for something not horrible.
{\an8}Those fish should be so scared.
{\an8}[groans] Those fish shouldn't be scared at all.
{\an8}I never win anything.
{\an8}Why does my dad think I'll win this fishing contest?
{\an8}Maybe because all you have to do is sit still and hold a stick.
{\an8}That's two things.
[groans] {\an8}[humming] {\an8}[door opens] {\an8}Principal Skinner, sorry to barge in.
{\an8}But I'm applying to the most selective kids summer camp in the country.
{\an8}They even reject the Silicon Valley Adderall kids.
{\an8}And, um, I was hoping you'd write me a letter of recommendation.
{\an8}[chuckling] Recommendation letter?
{\an8}No one's ever asked me to write one of those before.
{\an8}I've mainly just done letters to judges requesting leniency.
{\an8}If I'm accepted into the University of Springfield Camp, {\an8}I'll be fast-tracked to get into the Amherst Middle School Summer Workshop, which is a feeder to the UC Santa Cruz Marine Biology Retreat, which is a sure ticket into the Oberlin Philosophy Day Camp with sleepover option.
Well, I believe my Edu-95 Software Bundle did come with a recommendation template.
Don't forget, I was the classroom hamster monitor.
And the art club parliamentarian.
And I chaired the fundraiser to get the lunch ladies ethical hairnets.
[chuckles] Got it. "
Many interests."
And print.
[printer printing] [gasps] {\an8}Never mind.
{\an8}Welcome to the annual Springfield Fishing Derby {\an8}sponsored by Duff Camo.
{\an8}The deer will never see you're drunk.
{\an8}And now, the champion emeritus will throw out the ceremonial first cast.
[grunts] [chuckles] [cheering] Dad, why do you think I can do this?
I never win anything.
Oh, I don't believe in you.
I'm banking on the Simpsons fishing gene.
I'm finally gonna pass down something other than chronic hand hate.
[cries] [scoffs] We're three hours into this nail-biting, intense competition, folks.
Which means butt fatigue is really setting in on these recumbent warriors.
[groaning] [backs, hips cracking] Aw, man.
If I wanted to watch Dad sit and do nothing, I'd visit him at work.
Mom, I bet the other camp applicants are volunteering and accomplishing stuff.
I'm just standing around here getting a tan line from my pearls.
I'm sure you'll get in.
You get into everything.
I can pick up litter, rescue driftwood, make sure beavers aren't chewing on washed-up mannequin arms.
[chittering] [grunting] [murmurs] Sorry, Marge, but can you murmur a little quieter?
I'm trying to fish.
Uh-oh.
I gotta let myself run a little.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
[Marge groans] [fishers laugh] [grunts, screams] [laughing] What the hell is that thing?
Get it out!
Get it...
Oh.
Hey!
Homie!
[Bart cheers] The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds.
Will a heavier fish arise?
We'll find out right after this.
When you're gutting your catch, are you sick and tired of being stared at by cold, accusing fish eyes?
You need the Happy Hood.
That's right, fish.
You love it.
And don't forget to play the Happy Hood mobile game.
Homer Simpson's fish comes in at 10.4 pounds.
We have a winner!
[fishers clamor] [fisher] Whoa!
[cries] I've never won anything before.
What do I do?
Uh.
Oh.
[chuckles] My gorgeous boy, I've never loved you more.
Thanks, Dad.
I get to cook my husband's prize-winning fish.
The whole house is gonna stink like victory.
What?
Is this where marbles come from?
Like pearls in lobsters?
Uh, how did my slingshot marbles get in there?
You added weight to my fish with marbles?
I-I couldn't help it.
Watching you lose was so boring.
So I didn't really win at all.
You cheated!
[grunting] Oh.
Oh.
Oh, my gorgeous boy.
I've never loved you more. "
The Saga of the Oregon Trail.
A poem by Milhouse Van Houten.
We started our journey to the Pacific because we heard that it was terrific."
I'm here to take Bart Simpson to his doctor's appointment.
I have a doctor's appointment?
Oh, yeah, a bunch of them.
You're really sick. "
We made our first camp when we were all ready.
We made our first dinner, meatballs and spaghetti."
Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor.
[laughs] There's no doctor.
So I'm not sick?
I don't know.
Everybody's got something.
You and me are going cheating.
Huh?
When your fish marbles won me that contest, it was the greatest thrill I ever had as a father.
And I want to feel that rush again.
H-How do we cheat at rock skipping?
I don't know.
Making a plan to cheat in advance felt dishonest.
[humming] Perfect.
[hums] Ooh, a big envelope from summer camp admissions.
I bet that's good news.
Mom, that's my safety.
Of course I'm gonna get in there.
Florida State's a total party camp.
Why haven't I heard yet?
Janey got responses from all her camps, even her reaches.
Her essay was about her grandmother's immigrant story.
She came from Ottawa.
That's barely an immigrant.
[grunting] Mmm.
[announcer] Coming up later, {\an8}the LIV Pickleball Tour from Riyadh, where it's 110 degrees in the desert, {\an8}- and the action's heating up.
[camel groans] But now, it's time for competitive rock skipping.
Well, they are really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new sports content.
Yeah.
And barrel scraping is up next.
[announcer] Here, we have last year's champion, Cletus Spuckler, taking the shore.
Home viewers will notice that's not the famous Nike swoosh on his shoes, but rather leeches on his bare feet.
Here comes the skip.
[audience] Ah.
{\an8}[announcer] Twenty-two skips!
{\an8}That's a throw worthy of the late, great Doink Anderson.
{\an8}Interesting fact, he left his widow nothing.
{\an8}Next up, Homer Simpson.
{\an8}A first-timer but using the same equipment as these pros, a flat rock he found on the ground.
[grunts] {\an8}- [announcer] Forty-six skips.
[audience cheering] {\an8}This almost makes my hitchhiking here worth it.
[chuckles] [cheering] This.
This is what we do it for.
The cheater's high.
You can feel the scam pulsing in your blood.
Like snorting lotto scratcher dust or being elected king of Hamburger Planet.
You know, Dad, all the times I cheated on stuff before...
school tests, COVID tests...
I always felt kind of bad about it.
But cheating with you feels so right.
Can we do it one more time?
Son, we're never gonna stop doing it.
[country music playing] ♪ Come on Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ ♪ No need to follow rules We're lazy ♪ ♪ Order water But fill your cup with Sprite ♪ ♪ Say you're in the army To preboard your flight ♪ ♪ Fake a corporate tweet To sell a stock short ♪ ♪ Take your pig to work As emotional support ♪ ♪ We're a two-man scheming crew Cheating's our father-son glue ♪ ♪ Honestly with honesty We never got along ♪ ♪ I raised you right By teaching you wrong ♪ {\an8}♪ Get a doctor's note For more time on the SAT ♪ {\an8}♪ Write your term paper with ChatGPT Yeah ♪ ♪ Lose an election and call it unfair ♪ ♪ Cut the roller coaster line With a rented wheelchair ♪ ♪ I reckon You're my cheatin' soul brother ♪ ♪ Cheat on everything ♪ ♪ But never each other ♪ ♪ But never each other Whoo!
♪ Bart, I finally get why some dudes become dads on purpose.
This has been the best week of my life.
Me too.
And my life's not a barfnado like yours.
Do you think it's a little strange that your dad is suddenly winning all these contests and giant prizes?
Yeah, I've noticed the same thing.
I guess I just assumed that sports in America were getting much, much easier.
Hey, honey.
Do you want this ladies' gillie suit I won at the tobacco-spitting competition?
Homer, we need to talk.
Oh, I like when we talk.
I don't like when we need to talk.
You're sure winning a lot of activities you've never even tried before.
I'm sorry to ask this, but are you cheating?
Oh, I can't lie to you.
Wait, that's a lie.
I can lie and I have.
But I'm not going to now.
I am cheating, but not for prizes or glory.
Me and Bart are cheating together as a team.
It's our father-son thing.
[sighs] Can't you do something else with Bart?
Like coach his soccer team?
Soccer?
You mean bribing refs?
Where's the challenge?
That's not the kind of cheating that brings a dad and his son closer.
We have this special bond like LaVar and Lonzo Ball or Cecil and Prince Fielder before they became estranged.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Cheating is wrong.
Maybe you should find another way to bond with your son.
Like just being a good dad.
Oh, where's the Jet Ski in that?
[groans] Marge, you're always saying you want our kids to succeed.
Then maybe not cheating is cheating them.
[grunts] Refresh.
Nothing.
Refresh.
Still nothing.
Refresh.
[gasps] Spinny rainbow!
[gasps] Nothing.
[doorbell rings] Lisa Simpson.
I'm here from the University of Springfield Camp, and I'm very excited to tell you that you've been accepted into our summer program.
[gasps] I got in?
That's amazing.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's so classy that you came to tell everybody in person.
As the rowing coach, I like to personally welcome all the incoming members of our camp rowing team.
What?
Rowing?
Your application photos were amazing.
You can row anywhere in the shell.
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
Wh...
Uh, what?
What?
{\an8}See you at camp.
Here's your Henley.
[gasps] [gasps] [gasps] Someone put doctored photos into my application.
And I know who.
[screams] You cheated for me!
What?
No, I didn't.
Honey, what's the matter?
Dad and Bart put my head on an Olympic rower's body to cheat my way into camp.
No, we didn't.
Why would we help someone who's already good at things?
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.
He could win an electric truck they converted back to gas.
You've already cheated at every dumb sport in the world.
I bet you're cheating at this dumb sport right now.
[all gasp] [thuds] [Hans] Ow, my foot.
Lisa.
[shushes] A lot of these axe throwers have guns in their cars.
What are you afraid of?
That they'll see this?
[all gasp] A magnet.
If you was cheating at this, I bet you cheated at all them other events you surprisingly and illogically won.
We were robbed.
Of our prizes and our dignity.
[rock music playing in headphones] Get 'em!
Stay back.
I'm a champion axe thrower.
[grunts] [thuds] [Hans] Ow, my stump.
[axe throwers clamoring] Don't let them cheaters get away.
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
We didn't cheat.
Quick.
Get on the ATVs we won by cheating.
[chuckles] Looks like you just got cheated out of your revenge.
[all sigh] If you think I'm not mad anymore, you're wrong.
While we were escaping, I got even more mad.
It's called multitasking.
And it was one of the legitimate skills on my application.
Remember, the one you cheated on?
We didn't, I swear.
Cheater's honor.
Oh, really?
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded all those fake photos of me rowing so I could get into camp?
[Marge] I did.
You?
You?
No, no.
It must have been me!
No, it was me.
But, Marge, you're you.
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
[gasps] Dad, we ruined Mom.
No.
No!
[retching, coughing] What have I done?
Other than everything I know that I did.
Yes, I cheated.
And you showed me how to do it, but not to win a beef jerky dehydrator or Harley Davidson beard shampoo.
If you want your kids to succeed, then not cheating is cheating them.
[retches] Mom, you also cheated me out of the chance to get in on my own merits.
I worked hard.
I cleaned up the beach.
I taught old people how to email.
{\an8}I was working with 72-point font.
Oh, this is all our fault.
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
But we can learn and do better.
Let's never, ever bond again.
You're right.
Never again.
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
I swear, Dad.
I swear.
There you is.
We never would have found you if it weren't for all that guilt-vomiting we done heard.
Go ahead.
Kill me.
Cleave my skull.
I don't deserve to live after corrupting the only good person I've ever known.
I don't know about that.
We were just going to rough you up a little bit.
Oh, well, I mean, I...
I guess we could kill you, but you probably need to sign a waiver or something.
[person] Nobody is killing anyone.
[all] Aw.
[Brandine] Oh, man.
The Simpsons coming with us.
[screaming] [both grunt] You think we'll all stay friends after this or just drift apart?
Yep.
Drift apart it is.
Ah, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
They must know about the fake application.
{\an8}[chuckling] Welcome, Simpsons.
I hope you don't mind {\an8}that I had the University of Springfield football team bring you here.
Um, I want to apologize for being party to a false application.
My mother and I need to have the talk about honesty.
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
It may surprise you to learn that this institution has a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
After all, this is University of Springfield Camp.
USC.
{\an8}Wh...
You're okay with me cheating?
{\an8}Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
{\an8}You think your application was the only one with embellishments?
{\an8}Look at these.
{\an8}This 10-year-old claims she performs open-heart surgery.
{\an8}This 12-year-old said it was her idea to use big, fat straws for boba tea.
{\an8}And you know what?
[chuckling] We let them all in.
[Lisa gasps] But I want to live an ethical life.
This is the world we live in.
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS.
Dating profiles are nothing but lies.
And right now, the Houston Astros are dreaming up ways to cheat that would blow your mind.
[Homer screams] So, here at USC, we decided to own cheating and prepare our students for the way the world is.
Not the way some would like it to be.
What do you say, Lisa?
{\an8}Will you accept our most prestigious Lance Armstrong summer scholarship?
{\an8}Am I risking everything I believe in {\an8}by refusing to do something I don't believe in?
{\an8}[groans] {\an8}I choose honesty.
I'm proud of you, honey.
Yep.
Walking out the door, leaving this room and this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
[chuckles] Walking out.
Here I go.
[strains] Principles powering my feet.
[grunts] Would you like me to give you a little push?
Would you?
[sighs] Let the rowing coach know we're sorry she was lied to.
[laughs] I think she may be used to it.
Homer, a moment?
I've been following your incredible streak of dishonesty.
[chuckling] Very impressive.
So much so, I'd like to offer you a position as a professor in our Faculty of Cheating Studies.
{\an8}What do you say?
{\an8}Will you shape the minds of tomorrow's white-collar criminals?
{\an8}No.
{\an8}For once, I learned something at college.
{\an8}A lesson.
Cheating almost ruined my wife.
Who is all the love and goodness you can stuff inside a green dress.
I'll never cheat again.
Except on diets.
Okay.
Here's how you really skip a rock.
Oh, I used to be so good at this.
Hey, where's Bart?
He said he had an appointment every Thursday night from 7:00 to 9:00.
Students, look to your left.
Look to your right.
Those are the people you'll be cheating off of.
♪ Come on Let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ ♪ No need to follow rules We're lazy ♪ ♪ You get results from hard work but Why bother when there's a corner to cut?
♪ ♪ When you sell your home Don't mention the mold ♪ ♪ If you're gonna cheat You gotta go bold ♪ ♪ Record that spare as a strike ♪ ♪ Strap your Fitbit to your bike ♪ ♪ Ain't nothing like cheatin' To get the old heart beatin' ♪ ♪ Cheat along, little doggy Whoo!
♪ Shh.