Émission TV: The Simpsons - 1x5
{546}{645}- Ooh!
Do I ever!|-Uh-uh, Homer.
{649}{723}Lisa's making these|for her teacher.
{723}{795}Ah.
Say no more.
{798}{900}- Yum!
Don't mind ifl do.|- Bart!
{903}{975}- Oh, man!|Keep your greasy mitts outta there.
{978}{1072}- These are for Lisa's class.|- It's Mrs.
Hoover's birthday.
{1074}{1147}- you know, there are names|for people like you.|- No, there aren't.
{1149}{1251}- Teacher's pet,|apple polisher, butt kisser--|- Bart!
{1254}{1353}- You're saying "buttkisser"|like it's a bad thing.|- Huh?
{1419}{1542}Well, you see, boy, it never hurts|to grease the wheels a little.
{1542}{1630}I'm not greasing the wheels, Dad.|I like my teacher.
{1632}{1698}Sure, Lis.|you see how it works, Bart?
{1701}{1770}A cupcake here,|a good grade there.
{1770}{1890}Dad, I get good grades 'cause I'm smart|and I pay attention and I study hard.
{1894}{2004}Yeah, right, Lisa.|It's the three roads to success, Bart: {2007}{2097}work, brains and hmm-- {2100}{2151}Oh, brother.
{2154}{2220}- Uh-oh, school bus.
Gotta go.
{2223}{2304}Heh-heh-heh.|Doh!
{2343}{2451}- Yo, Ottoman!|- Yo, Bart dude!
{2451}{2510}Hey, can you|believe it, man?
{2510}{2595}My sister here made a whole pile|up cupcakes to butter up her teacher, {2595}{2685}and she won't give anybody else|even one measly little crumb.
{2685}{2744}That's bad news, man.
{2744}{2823}Here, Otto.|I made an extra one for you.
{2825}{2909}- Oh, thanks, little lady.|- You're welcome.
{2913}{2993}- Whoa!
{2997}{3066}- Better let me hold these, Lis.|- Forget it.
{3068}{3156}- you sniveling toad!|you little egg sucker!|- Tell me more.
{3158}{3231}Back-scratcher.
Foot-licker.|Honor student!
{3231}{3315}You'll never get one now,|Mr.
Name-caller.
{3315}{3426}All right, all right.|Look, I'm sory.
I-I got upset.
{3428}{3521}In the heat of the moment,|I said some things I didn't mean.
{3525}{3587}- you weren't thinking, were you?|-No.
{3591}{3677}-I'm not a sniveling toad, am I?|-Not really.
{3677}{3740}I'm not a little|egg sucker, am I?
{3744}{3810}- Of course not.|- Then what am I?
{3812}{3939}- A beautiful human being.|- What do you like best about me?
{3941}{4023}Well, I'd have to say...
{4025}{4109}your generous nature,|your spirit of giving.
{4113}{4218}Well-- {4220}{4332}Open your mouth and close your eyes,|and you will get a big surprise.
{4332}{4392}Ahh!
{4502}{4587}Thanks, Lis.|You're the best.
{4637}{4724}- Look, Janey.
Cupcakes.|- Ah, give me that!
{4727}{4799}Hey, give those back!
{4802}{4916}- Hey, what's the big idea?|That's my sister, man.|- So what?
{4916}{5012}So give her back those cupcakes|before I knock your block off.
{5015}{5090}Don't, Bart!|He's a friend of Nelson Muntz!
{5285}{5349}Ooh!
{5349}{5368}Ooh!
{5372}{5471}Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
{5471}{5549}Wha-- {5552}{5612}Nelson,|you're bleeding.
{5615}{5738}Nah, happens all the time.|Somebody else's blood splatters on me.
{5741}{5816}Hey, wait a minute.
{5819}{5926}You're right.|you made me bleed my own blood!
{5986}{6115}It was an accident, man.
A terrible,|ghastly mistake.
Ask anybody.
{6209}{6274}Uh-oh.|A cold wind.
{6274}{6355}Hello, kids.|Everything above the board here?
{6359}{6419}Good.
Play friendly,|children.
{6422}{6488}- Uh-oh, there's your bell.
{6491}{6578}Come along, now, all of you.|No dawdling, now.
{6581}{6683}- I'll get you after school, man.|- But-- {6683}{6743}No, no, no.|He'll get you after school, son.
{6743}{6821}- Now hurry up.
It's time for class.|- But-- {6823}{6920}Scoot, young Simpson.|There's learning afoot.
{7196}{7274}Okay, Nelson,|put up your dukes!
{7276}{7340}Whaa!
{7420}{7508}Yikes!|Uh-uh-uh!
{7553}{7615}Ha, ha, ha!
{7681}{7798}- Ha, ha, ha!|- Oh.
{7877}{7990}Aah!
{8038}{8102}- Uh-oh.
Stop!|- Mmm!
{8104}{8222}Lunchtime!|Ha, ha, ha!
{8224}{8302}- Lunchtime!|- Aah!
{8302}{8411}Lunchtime, Bart.|It's lunchtime.
{8411}{8497}I ain't gonna get out|of the fourth grade alive.
{8501}{8590}You've gotta tell|Principal Skinner, Bart.
{8593}{8650}I can't squeal.
{8653}{8728}It would violate the|code of the schoolyard.
{8728}{8788}Hey, everybody!
{8788}{8881}Here comes my brother,|Bart the bully-killer!
{8881}{8965}- Yeah!|- You're our hero, Bart!
{8969}{9061}Look, eveybody.
I would just as soon|not make a big deal out of this.
{9064}{9121}I'm not sayin'|I'm not a hero.
{9124}{9208}I'm just saying that|I fear for my safety.
{9331}{9409}Look out!
{9409}{9471}Nelson, it was|all a mistake.
{9471}{9532}This is how it|happened, man.
{9532}{9600}Listen up.|you may get a kick out of it.
{9600}{9667}My sister was making cupcakes|this morning and-- {9667}{9750}I'll see you|at the flagpole at 3:15.
{9754}{9810}And you better|be prompt.
{9814}{9901}He has four other beatings|scheduled this afternoon.
{10123}{10179}Good-bye,|little dude.
{10183}{10258}- He looks so lifelike, man.|- Yes.
{10261}{10330}The school nurse did|a wonderful job...
{10330}{10437}- reconstructing his little face|after the fight.
{10441}{10507}Good-bye, son.|I guess you were right.
{10510}{10576}All that homework|was a waste of your time.
{10579}{10656}Thanks, Bart.|We got the day off from school for this.
{10660}{10729}- Yeah, and I got|the day off from work.|- Homer!
{10729}{10866}Who wants a day off from work when I'm|never gonna see my beloved son again?
{10866}{10971}Oh, Bart!|Oh, Bart!
{10975}{11031}That's better,|Homer.
{11035}{11139}Be brave.|Bye-bye, Bart.
{11143}{11269}you were always my special little guy.
{11332}{11424}Bart, here's that|cupcake you wanted.
{11428}{11529}I can't help but think ifl had just|given it to you in the first place, {11529}{11634}this whole horrible tragedy|could have been avoided.
{11634}{11694}I know you can't|eat it now, {11694}{11814}so I'll just place it|lovingly on your forehead.
{11817}{11907}Hey, look.|They got food at this thing.
{11911}{11986}- Here's one for the road, dude.
{12336}{12417}- Aah!|- Put 'em up.
{12684}{12789}Oh!
Boy, you sure|taught me a lesson.
{12793}{12864}Whoo.|Thanks, guys.
{12864}{12969}I guess now all that's left|is a hearty handshake.
{12971}{13053}Right, guys?
{13057}{13145}I'm gonna get you again|tomorrow, Simpson.
{13149}{13235}- Is 3:15 good for you?
{13235}{13295}Uh, not really.
{13295}{13356}Too bad.
{13356}{13467}Oh, no.
{13469}{13583}Oh, man,|that guy's tough to love.
{14001}{14061}Hi, Mom.|Hi, Dad.
{14064}{14151}- Tough day at school, boy?|- Bart, what happened to you?
{14154}{14286}Let's just say I paid the inevitable|price for helping out my sister.
{14286}{14370}So, you had a little|scuffle, eh?
Heh-heh.
{14373}{14448}Hope you won.
{14490}{14553}I'm gonna miss you,|big guy.
{14690}{14759}Bart, your mother|has the fool idea...
{14763}{14858}that you're upset|about something.
{14862}{14984}Dad, I need help.|Please.
Oh.
{14984}{15053}Now come on, Bart.
{15057}{15122}We don't want your mother|to see you cying.
{15126}{15182}- Here.|- Oh, man.
{15186}{15272}Let me help you|dy those tears.
{15338}{15407}So what's|the problem, son?
{15407}{15516}- I had a run-in with a bully.|- A bully?
{15518}{15600}Come on, Marge!
I don't bug|you when you're helping Lisa.
{15602}{15701}Well, Bart, I hope you're going|straight to the principal about this.
{15705}{15761}I guess|I could do that.
{15765}{15890}What?
And violate the code of|the schoolyard?
I'd rather Bart died.
{15890}{15954}What on earth are you|talking about, Homer?
{15956}{16019}The code of the|schoolyard, Marge.
{16022}{16100}The rules that teach a boy to be a man.|Let's see.
{16100}{16218}Don't tattle.
Always make fun|of those different from you.
{16220}{16278}Never say anything...
{16280}{16370}unless you're sure everyone feels|exactly the same way you do.
{16373}{16441}- What else?|- Homer, that's ridiculous.
{16445}{16598}Bart, instead of fighting, why don't you|try a little understanding?
{16600}{16673}- What do you mean, Mom?|- Yeah, right.
{16675}{16742}- This oughta be good for a laugh.|- Shh!
{16745}{16836}This bully friend of yours,|is he a little on the chunky side?
{16838}{16922}- Yeah, he's pretty chunkified,|all right.|- Mm-hmm.
{16922}{16999}And I'll bet he doesn't do well|in his studies, either.
{16999}{17087}No, he's pretty dumb.
He's in all|the same special classes I am.
{17089}{17198}- That's why he lashes out at the world.|- Oh, Marge.
{17198}{17297}So tomorrow, instead of bickering|with this boy, talk to him.
{17300}{17372}You'll be surprised how far|a little understanding will go.
{17375}{17471}Well, thank you very much,|Mrs.
Maharishi Gandhi.
{17473}{17546}- Let's go, boy.
{17549}{17656}Now here's that bully of yours.|Show me your stuff.
{17756}{17846}No, no!
Not like that!|Like this!
{18050}{18128}See that, boy?
{18128}{18205}you didn't expect that, did you?|And neither will he.
{18209}{18278}you mean I should|fight dirty, Dad?
{18278}{18338}Unfortunately, son,|we Simpsons...
{18338}{18430}sometimes have to bend the rules|a little in order to hold our own.
{18433}{18478}Amen.
{18482}{18553}So the next time this bully thinks|you're gonna throw a punch, {18557}{18617}you throw a glob|of mud in his eyes!
{18619}{18692}And then you sock him when|he's staggerin' around blinded!
{18694}{18757}- Yeah!|- And there's nothing wrong...
{18757}{18823}with hitting someone|when his back is turned.
{18827}{18896}- Gotcha.|- And if you get the chance, {18898}{18965}get him right|in the familyjewels.
{18967}{19091}That little doozy's been|a Simpson trademark for generations.
{19093}{19156}Thanks, Pop.
{19225}{19291}- Whoa!|- Put 'em up!
{19295}{19381}Ha!|Ooh!
{19435}{19529}Remember|the familyjewels, son.
{19624}{19693}Hmm?
{19763}{19823}Oh, no, boys.|Not the can, please.
{19825}{19881}- Doh!
{20068}{20130}Bart, you can't|go on like this.
{20134}{20190}I know.
{20194}{20260}- Why don't you go see Grandpa?|- What can he do?
{20260}{20353}He'll give you good advice.|He's the toughest Simpson alive.
{20353}{20413}- He is?|- Yeah.
{20413}{20473}Remember the fight he put up|when we put him in the home?
{20473}{20488}Remember the fight he put up|when we put him in the home?
{20551}{20608}I'm here|to see Grandpa.
{20656}{20713}Half the people here|are named Grandpa.
{20716}{20818}- Well, Grandpa Simpson then.
{20818}{20898}Second floor, third|dank room on the left.
{20902}{20952}Thanks, lady.
{20956}{21025}" Dear Advertisers, {21027}{21177}I am disgusted with the way|old people are depicted on television.
{21181}{21301}We are not all vibrant,|fun-loving sex maniacs.
{21304}{21411}Many of us are bitter,|resentful individuals...
{21415}{21486}who remember|the good old days...
{21490}{21598}when entertainment|was bland and inoffensive.
{21600}{21681}The following|is a list of words...
{21684}{21787}I never want to hear|on television again.
{21787}{21874}Number one: bra.
{21874}{21948}Number two: horny.
{21952}{22029}Number three:|familyjewels."
{22033}{22113}- Hi, Grandpa!|- Bart, what brings youhere?
{22117}{22173}I need some advice,|Grandpa.
{22177}{22284}See, there's this bully at school|who keeps beating me up.
{22284}{22344}Let me tell you|somethin', boy.
{22344}{22405}If youdon't|stand up foryourself, {22405}{22482}bullies are gonna be pickin' on you|for the rest of your life.
{22486}{22540}Simpson, give me|your newspaper!
{22542}{22630}- Why should I?|- I wanna do the crossword puzzle.
{22630}{22690}No, I want to do|the crossword puzzle!
{22692}{22761}- I said, give me that puzzle.|- No.
{22765}{22830}- Give me!
Give me!|- No!
No!
{22999}{23059}Heh-heh-heh.
{23059}{23163}Well, I guess I can't help you,|but I know someone who can.
{23265}{23338}- Here?|- Yep, this is it.
{23340}{23396}What's the password?
{23400}{23502}- Let me in, you idiot!|- Yeah, right you are.
{23505}{23602}So, Herman, has the|large-type edition...
{23604}{23679}of this month's Soldier Of Fortune|come in yet?
{23682}{23739}No, not yet.
{23742}{23862}- Can I interest you in|some authentic Nazi underpants?|- No!
{23866}{23973}Actually, we came over because|I want you to meet my grandson, Bart.
{23973}{24036}Ah.
Hello,|young American.
{24039}{24126}Hello, sir.|Uh, Mr.
Herman?
{24130}{24186}- Yes?
{24188}{24258}Did you lose your arm|in the war?
{24261}{24345}My arm?
Well,|let me put it this way.
{24348}{24482}Next time your teacher tells you|to keep your arm inside|the bus window, you do it!
{24486}{24531}Yes, sir,|I will.
{24531}{24630}Bart's got a problem with|a local young bully named Nelson.
{24632}{24716}I thought you could help him|with some kind of strategy.
{24720}{24821}Strategy.
Hmm.|How many men do you have?
{24825}{24881}- None.|- You'll need more.
{24885}{24999}And you'll need to train them hard!|Now, let's see.
{25001}{25061}Ah.
Okay.
{25061}{25169}The key to Springfield|has always been Elm Street.
{25169}{25293}The Greeks knew it.
The Carthaginians|knew it.
Now you know it.
{25295}{25368}First you'll need|a declaration of war.
{25370}{25514}Uh, ah!
That way, eveything|you do will be nice and legal.
{25518}{25619}Okay, I can use this one|from the Franco-Prussian War.
{25623}{25754}I'll just change "Otto von Bismarck"|to read " Bart Simpson."
{25757}{25827}- Psst!
{25829}{25943}- Grandpa, I think this|guy's a little nuts.|- Oh, yeah?
{25946}{26042}Well, General George S.
Patton|was a little nuts.
{26046}{26136}And this guy is completely|out of his mind.
{26138}{26220}We can't fail!
{26538}{26598}Psst!|Pass it on!
{26705}{26765}So, Mister,|what are we doin' here anyway?
{26768}{26825}I wonder|where Bart is.
{26828}{26915}Yeah.
It's way past|1500 hours.
{27047}{27128}Okay, we all know|why we're here, right?
{27132}{27218}- No.
Why?|- To fight Nelson the bully.
{27220}{27341}That guy has been tormenting all of us|for years, and I for one am sick of it.
{27344}{27469}I can't promise you victoy.|I can't promise you good times.
{27469}{27542}But the one thing I do know--|Whoa, whoa!
{27544}{27671}All right!
Okay!
I promise you|victoy!
I promise you good times!
{27808}{27866}I got a " B"|in arithmetic {27868}{27926}I got a " B"|in arithmetic {27929}{27986}Would've got an "A"|but I was sick {27989}{28046}Would've got an "A"|but I was sick {28091}{28166}Aah!
{28316}{28376}We are rubber|you are glue {28376}{28436}We are rubber|you are glue {28436}{28495}It bounces off of us|and sticks to you {28495}{28559}It bounces off of us|and sticks to you {28559}{28619}- Sound off|- One, two {28619}{28679}- Sound off|- Three, four {29276}{29338}- Go!
{29342}{29411}- Go!
{29411}{29503}- What's the matter with you, soldier?|- It's my nerves, sir.
{29506}{29570}I just can't stand|the barking anymore.
{29572}{29690}Your nerves?|I won't have cowards in my army.
{29690}{29750}- Ow!|- Sory, Bart.
{29750}{29819}you can push them|out of a plane, {29821}{29885}you can march them|off a cliff, {29887}{30004}you can send 'em off to die|on some godforsaken rock, {30004}{30109}but for some reason,|youcan't slap 'em.
{30109}{30169}Now apologize to|that boy right now.
{30173}{30226}- Sorry, man.|- It's cool.
{30229}{30304}In English class|I did the best {30304}{30370}In English class|I did the best {30373}{30430}Because I cheated|on the test {30433}{30490}Because I cheated|on the test {30493}{30550}- Sound off|- One, two {30553}{30610}- I can't hear you!|- Three, four {30613}{30692}All right, there's your enemy.|Now hit him!
{30694}{30751}Hithim!
{30754}{30836}Let's go, next group.|Martinez!
Steinberg!
{30838}{30919}O'Hara!
Chang!|Olajuwon!
Herman!
{31024}{31096}Die!
Die!
{31100}{31156}We are happy|We are merry {31160}{31225}We are happy|We are merry {31225}{31285}We got a rhyming|dictionary {31285}{31348}We got a rhyming|dictionary {31351}{31408}- Sound off|- One, two {31411}{31471}- One more time!|- Three, four {31474}{31531}Bring it|on home now!
{31534}{31615}One, two, three, four|One, two, three, four {31669}{31741}Nelson's at|the Elm Street Video Arcade.
{31744}{31846}Intelligence indicates he shakes down|kids for quarters at the arcade.
{31849}{31915}Then he heads to the Quick-E-Mart|for a cherry Squishy.
{31918}{31975}Then that's where|we'll hit him.
{31978}{32070}When he leaves the Quick-E-Mart,|we start the saturation bombing.
{32074}{32152}- We got the water balloons?|- Two hundred rounds, sir.
{32155}{32215}Is it okay if they say|" Happy Birthday" on the side?
{32218}{32353}Well, I'd rather they say " Death|From Above," but I guess we're stuck.
{32355}{32460}Okay, our main force will|be split into two groups.
{32464}{32559}One will circle around this way|to cut off the enemy's retreat, {32559}{32692}the other will drive in this way,|closing the trap.
{32692}{32815}- It's a classic pincers movement.|It can't fail against a ten-year-old.|- Heh-heh!
{32817}{32890}- Nelson's at the arcade, General.|- Battle stations.
{32892}{32967}- I feel so alive!|- you know, {32967}{33027}I thought|I was too old.
{33027}{33102}I thought|my time had passed.
{33102}{33211}I thought I'd never hear|the screams of pain...
{33211}{33304}or see the look of terror|in a young man's eyes.
{33304}{33364}Thank heaven|for children.
{33364}{33424}Hey, good Squishies.
{33424}{33484}- What flavor did you get?|- Blue.
{33484}{33544}Hey, yout wo birds!
{33544}{33649}You're gonna be suckin' all|your meals through straws if|you don't shut your traps.
{33651}{33726}Well, looky here.
{33729}{33808}Little Bart Simpson.
{33810}{33888}Nelson, I'm afraid I'm gonna|have to teach youa lesson.
{33892}{33958}Ha!
Oh, yeah?|youand what army?
{33960}{34020}This one.
{34023}{34095}Artillery, {34098}{34164}commence|saturation bombing!
{34725}{34785}Hey!
{34848}{34924}All right, you kids!|Keep it down!
{34926}{34984}Am I making myself-- {34986}{35057}Heh-heh-heh!|Got him!
{35061}{35147}You, up in the tree.|The tall gray-haired kid.
{35151}{35237}Get your butt down here|right now!
Doh!
{35271}{35351}No!
Please!
{35355}{35418}- Don't hurt us!|- Oh, we surrender.
{35418}{35490}W-W-We were only|followin' orders!
{35834}{35894}Eww!|Knock it off!
{35973}{36048}I guess you learned your lesson,|so now I'll untie you.
{36051}{36183}The second you untie me,|I'm gonna beat you to death, man.
{36186}{36278}Well, if that's gonna be your attitude,|I'm not gonna untie you.
{36278}{36368}Ha!
You're gonna|have to sometime.
{36411}{36471}Uh-oh.|He's right.
{36471}{36600}Don't you wory.|I was ready for this little eventuality.
{36660}{36726}Armistice treaty,|article four.
{36726}{36864}" Nelson is never again to raise|his fists in anger."
Article five.
{36866}{36971}" Nelson recognizes Bart's right|to exist."
Article six.
{36975}{37070}"Although Nelson shall have|no official power, {37070}{37154}he shall remain a figurehead|of menace in the neighborhood."
{37154}{37233}Wow.
Sounds good to me.|Okay, I'll sign.
{37235}{37310}- What about you, boy?|- All right, I'll sign.
{37313}{37415}- Are you boys through playing war?|- Yes, Mrs.
Simpson.
{37418}{37518}- Good.
Then here's some cupcakes.|- Oh, boy!
{37518}{37589}- Cupcakes.|- Mmm!
{37703}{37776}Ladies and gentlemen,|boys and girls, {37778}{37838}contray to what|you've just seen, {37838}{37913}war is neither|glamorous nor fun.
{37916}{38001}There are no winners.|Only losers.
{38001}{38102}There are no good wars,|with the following exceptions: {38105}{38195}The American Revolution, World War I,|and the Star Wars trilogy.
{38195}{38312}if you'd like to learn more|about war, there's lots of books|in your local libray-- {38315}{38372}many of them with|cool, goy pictures.
{38375}{38480}Well, good night, eveybody.|Peace, man.
{40450}{40525}- Shh!
Do I ever!|-Uh-uh, Homer.
{649}{723}Lisa's making these|for her teacher.
{723}{795}Ah.
Say no more.
{798}{900}- Yum!
Don't mind ifl do.|- Bart!
{903}{975}- Oh, man!|Keep your greasy mitts outta there.
{978}{1072}- These are for Lisa's class.|- It's Mrs.
Hoover's birthday.
{1074}{1147}- you know, there are names|for people like you.|- No, there aren't.
{1149}{1251}- Teacher's pet,|apple polisher, butt kisser--|- Bart!
{1254}{1353}- You're saying "buttkisser"|like it's a bad thing.|- Huh?
{1419}{1542}Well, you see, boy, it never hurts|to grease the wheels a little.
{1542}{1630}I'm not greasing the wheels, Dad.|I like my teacher.
{1632}{1698}Sure, Lis.|you see how it works, Bart?
{1701}{1770}A cupcake here,|a good grade there.
{1770}{1890}Dad, I get good grades 'cause I'm smart|and I pay attention and I study hard.
{1894}{2004}Yeah, right, Lisa.|It's the three roads to success, Bart: {2007}{2097}work, brains and hmm-- {2100}{2151}Oh, brother.
{2154}{2220}- Uh-oh, school bus.
Gotta go.
{2223}{2304}Heh-heh-heh.|Doh!
{2343}{2451}- Yo, Ottoman!|- Yo, Bart dude!
{2451}{2510}Hey, can you|believe it, man?
{2510}{2595}My sister here made a whole pile|up cupcakes to butter up her teacher, {2595}{2685}and she won't give anybody else|even one measly little crumb.
{2685}{2744}That's bad news, man.
{2744}{2823}Here, Otto.|I made an extra one for you.
{2825}{2909}- Oh, thanks, little lady.|- You're welcome.
{2913}{2993}- Whoa!
{2997}{3066}- Better let me hold these, Lis.|- Forget it.
{3068}{3156}- you sniveling toad!|you little egg sucker!|- Tell me more.
{3158}{3231}Back-scratcher.
Foot-licker.|Honor student!
{3231}{3315}You'll never get one now,|Mr.
Name-caller.
{3315}{3426}All right, all right.|Look, I'm sory.
I-I got upset.
{3428}{3521}In the heat of the moment,|I said some things I didn't mean.
{3525}{3587}- you weren't thinking, were you?|-No.
{3591}{3677}-I'm not a sniveling toad, am I?|-Not really.
{3677}{3740}I'm not a little|egg sucker, am I?
{3744}{3810}- Of course not.|- Then what am I?
{3812}{3939}- A beautiful human being.|- What do you like best about me?
{3941}{4023}Well, I'd have to say...
{4025}{4109}your generous nature,|your spirit of giving.
{4113}{4218}Well-- {4220}{4332}Open your mouth and close your eyes,|and you will get a big surprise.
{4332}{4392}Ahh!
{4502}{4587}Thanks, Lis.|You're the best.
{4637}{4724}- Look, Janey.
Cupcakes.|- Ah, give me that!
{4727}{4799}Hey, give those back!
{4802}{4916}- Hey, what's the big idea?|That's my sister, man.|- So what?
{4916}{5012}So give her back those cupcakes|before I knock your block off.
{5015}{5090}Don't, Bart!|He's a friend of Nelson Muntz!
{5285}{5349}Ooh!
{5349}{5368}Ooh!
{5372}{5471}Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
{5471}{5549}Wha-- {5552}{5612}Nelson,|you're bleeding.
{5615}{5738}Nah, happens all the time.|Somebody else's blood splatters on me.
{5741}{5816}Hey, wait a minute.
{5819}{5926}You're right.|you made me bleed my own blood!
{5986}{6115}It was an accident, man.
A terrible,|ghastly mistake.
Ask anybody.
{6209}{6274}Uh-oh.|A cold wind.
{6274}{6355}Hello, kids.|Everything above the board here?
{6359}{6419}Good.
Play friendly,|children.
{6422}{6488}- Uh-oh, there's your bell.
{6491}{6578}Come along, now, all of you.|No dawdling, now.
{6581}{6683}- I'll get you after school, man.|- But-- {6683}{6743}No, no, no.|He'll get you after school, son.
{6743}{6821}- Now hurry up.
It's time for class.|- But-- {6823}{6920}Scoot, young Simpson.|There's learning afoot.
{7196}{7274}Okay, Nelson,|put up your dukes!
{7276}{7340}Whaa!
{7420}{7508}Yikes!|Uh-uh-uh!
{7553}{7615}Ha, ha, ha!
{7681}{7798}- Ha, ha, ha!|- Oh.
{7877}{7990}Aah!
{8038}{8102}- Uh-oh.
Stop!|- Mmm!
{8104}{8222}Lunchtime!|Ha, ha, ha!
{8224}{8302}- Lunchtime!|- Aah!
{8302}{8411}Lunchtime, Bart.|It's lunchtime.
{8411}{8497}I ain't gonna get out|of the fourth grade alive.
{8501}{8590}You've gotta tell|Principal Skinner, Bart.
{8593}{8650}I can't squeal.
{8653}{8728}It would violate the|code of the schoolyard.
{8728}{8788}Hey, everybody!
{8788}{8881}Here comes my brother,|Bart the bully-killer!
{8881}{8965}- Yeah!|- You're our hero, Bart!
{8969}{9061}Look, eveybody.
I would just as soon|not make a big deal out of this.
{9064}{9121}I'm not sayin'|I'm not a hero.
{9124}{9208}I'm just saying that|I fear for my safety.
{9331}{9409}Look out!
{9409}{9471}Nelson, it was|all a mistake.
{9471}{9532}This is how it|happened, man.
{9532}{9600}Listen up.|you may get a kick out of it.
{9600}{9667}My sister was making cupcakes|this morning and-- {9667}{9750}I'll see you|at the flagpole at 3:15.
{9754}{9810}And you better|be prompt.
{9814}{9901}He has four other beatings|scheduled this afternoon.
{10123}{10179}Good-bye,|little dude.
{10183}{10258}- He looks so lifelike, man.|- Yes.
{10261}{10330}The school nurse did|a wonderful job...
{10330}{10437}- reconstructing his little face|after the fight.
{10441}{10507}Good-bye, son.|I guess you were right.
{10510}{10576}All that homework|was a waste of your time.
{10579}{10656}Thanks, Bart.|We got the day off from school for this.
{10660}{10729}- Yeah, and I got|the day off from work.|- Homer!
{10729}{10866}Who wants a day off from work when I'm|never gonna see my beloved son again?
{10866}{10971}Oh, Bart!|Oh, Bart!
{10975}{11031}That's better,|Homer.
{11035}{11139}Be brave.|Bye-bye, Bart.
{11143}{11269}you were always my special little guy.
{11332}{11424}Bart, here's that|cupcake you wanted.
{11428}{11529}I can't help but think ifl had just|given it to you in the first place, {11529}{11634}this whole horrible tragedy|could have been avoided.
{11634}{11694}I know you can't|eat it now, {11694}{11814}so I'll just place it|lovingly on your forehead.
{11817}{11907}Hey, look.|They got food at this thing.
{11911}{11986}- Here's one for the road, dude.
{12336}{12417}- Aah!|- Put 'em up.
{12684}{12789}Oh!
Boy, you sure|taught me a lesson.
{12793}{12864}Whoo.|Thanks, guys.
{12864}{12969}I guess now all that's left|is a hearty handshake.
{12971}{13053}Right, guys?
{13057}{13145}I'm gonna get you again|tomorrow, Simpson.
{13149}{13235}- Is 3:15 good for you?
{13235}{13295}Uh, not really.
{13295}{13356}Too bad.
{13356}{13467}Oh, no.
{13469}{13583}Oh, man,|that guy's tough to love.
{14001}{14061}Hi, Mom.|Hi, Dad.
{14064}{14151}- Tough day at school, boy?|- Bart, what happened to you?
{14154}{14286}Let's just say I paid the inevitable|price for helping out my sister.
{14286}{14370}So, you had a little|scuffle, eh?
Heh-heh.
{14373}{14448}Hope you won.
{14490}{14553}I'm gonna miss you,|big guy.
{14690}{14759}Bart, your mother|has the fool idea...
{14763}{14858}that you're upset|about something.
{14862}{14984}Dad, I need help.|Please.
Oh.
{14984}{15053}Now come on, Bart.
{15057}{15122}We don't want your mother|to see you cying.
{15126}{15182}- Here.|- Oh, man.
{15186}{15272}Let me help you|dy those tears.
{15338}{15407}So what's|the problem, son?
{15407}{15516}- I had a run-in with a bully.|- A bully?
{15518}{15600}Come on, Marge!
I don't bug|you when you're helping Lisa.
{15602}{15701}Well, Bart, I hope you're going|straight to the principal about this.
{15705}{15761}I guess|I could do that.
{15765}{15890}What?
And violate the code of|the schoolyard?
I'd rather Bart died.
{15890}{15954}What on earth are you|talking about, Homer?
{15956}{16019}The code of the|schoolyard, Marge.
{16022}{16100}The rules that teach a boy to be a man.|Let's see.
{16100}{16218}Don't tattle.
Always make fun|of those different from you.
{16220}{16278}Never say anything...
{16280}{16370}unless you're sure everyone feels|exactly the same way you do.
{16373}{16441}- What else?|- Homer, that's ridiculous.
{16445}{16598}Bart, instead of fighting, why don't you|try a little understanding?
{16600}{16673}- What do you mean, Mom?|- Yeah, right.
{16675}{16742}- This oughta be good for a laugh.|- Shh!
{16745}{16836}This bully friend of yours,|is he a little on the chunky side?
{16838}{16922}- Yeah, he's pretty chunkified,|all right.|- Mm-hmm.
{16922}{16999}And I'll bet he doesn't do well|in his studies, either.
{16999}{17087}No, he's pretty dumb.
He's in all|the same special classes I am.
{17089}{17198}- That's why he lashes out at the world.|- Oh, Marge.
{17198}{17297}So tomorrow, instead of bickering|with this boy, talk to him.
{17300}{17372}You'll be surprised how far|a little understanding will go.
{17375}{17471}Well, thank you very much,|Mrs.
Maharishi Gandhi.
{17473}{17546}- Let's go, boy.
{17549}{17656}Now here's that bully of yours.|Show me your stuff.
{17756}{17846}No, no!
Not like that!|Like this!
{18050}{18128}See that, boy?
{18128}{18205}you didn't expect that, did you?|And neither will he.
{18209}{18278}you mean I should|fight dirty, Dad?
{18278}{18338}Unfortunately, son,|we Simpsons...
{18338}{18430}sometimes have to bend the rules|a little in order to hold our own.
{18433}{18478}Amen.
{18482}{18553}So the next time this bully thinks|you're gonna throw a punch, {18557}{18617}you throw a glob|of mud in his eyes!
{18619}{18692}And then you sock him when|he's staggerin' around blinded!
{18694}{18757}- Yeah!|- And there's nothing wrong...
{18757}{18823}with hitting someone|when his back is turned.
{18827}{18896}- Gotcha.|- And if you get the chance, {18898}{18965}get him right|in the familyjewels.
{18967}{19091}That little doozy's been|a Simpson trademark for generations.
{19093}{19156}Thanks, Pop.
{19225}{19291}- Whoa!|- Put 'em up!
{19295}{19381}Ha!|Ooh!
{19435}{19529}Remember|the familyjewels, son.
{19624}{19693}Hmm?
{19763}{19823}Oh, no, boys.|Not the can, please.
{19825}{19881}- Doh!
{20068}{20130}Bart, you can't|go on like this.
{20134}{20190}I know.
{20194}{20260}- Why don't you go see Grandpa?|- What can he do?
{20260}{20353}He'll give you good advice.|He's the toughest Simpson alive.
{20353}{20413}- He is?|- Yeah.
{20413}{20473}Remember the fight he put up|when we put him in the home?
{20473}{20488}Remember the fight he put up|when we put him in the home?
{20551}{20608}I'm here|to see Grandpa.
{20656}{20713}Half the people here|are named Grandpa.
{20716}{20818}- Well, Grandpa Simpson then.
{20818}{20898}Second floor, third|dank room on the left.
{20902}{20952}Thanks, lady.
{20956}{21025}" Dear Advertisers, {21027}{21177}I am disgusted with the way|old people are depicted on television.
{21181}{21301}We are not all vibrant,|fun-loving sex maniacs.
{21304}{21411}Many of us are bitter,|resentful individuals...
{21415}{21486}who remember|the good old days...
{21490}{21598}when entertainment|was bland and inoffensive.
{21600}{21681}The following|is a list of words...
{21684}{21787}I never want to hear|on television again.
{21787}{21874}Number one: bra.
{21874}{21948}Number two: horny.
{21952}{22029}Number three:|familyjewels."
{22033}{22113}- Hi, Grandpa!|- Bart, what brings youhere?
{22117}{22173}I need some advice,|Grandpa.
{22177}{22284}See, there's this bully at school|who keeps beating me up.
{22284}{22344}Let me tell you|somethin', boy.
{22344}{22405}If youdon't|stand up foryourself, {22405}{22482}bullies are gonna be pickin' on you|for the rest of your life.
{22486}{22540}Simpson, give me|your newspaper!
{22542}{22630}- Why should I?|- I wanna do the crossword puzzle.
{22630}{22690}No, I want to do|the crossword puzzle!
{22692}{22761}- I said, give me that puzzle.|- No.
{22765}{22830}- Give me!
Give me!|- No!
No!
{22999}{23059}Heh-heh-heh.
{23059}{23163}Well, I guess I can't help you,|but I know someone who can.
{23265}{23338}- Here?|- Yep, this is it.
{23340}{23396}What's the password?
{23400}{23502}- Let me in, you idiot!|- Yeah, right you are.
{23505}{23602}So, Herman, has the|large-type edition...
{23604}{23679}of this month's Soldier Of Fortune|come in yet?
{23682}{23739}No, not yet.
{23742}{23862}- Can I interest you in|some authentic Nazi underpants?|- No!
{23866}{23973}Actually, we came over because|I want you to meet my grandson, Bart.
{23973}{24036}Ah.
Hello,|young American.
{24039}{24126}Hello, sir.|Uh, Mr.
Herman?
{24130}{24186}- Yes?
{24188}{24258}Did you lose your arm|in the war?
{24261}{24345}My arm?
Well,|let me put it this way.
{24348}{24482}Next time your teacher tells you|to keep your arm inside|the bus window, you do it!
{24486}{24531}Yes, sir,|I will.
{24531}{24630}Bart's got a problem with|a local young bully named Nelson.
{24632}{24716}I thought you could help him|with some kind of strategy.
{24720}{24821}Strategy.
Hmm.|How many men do you have?
{24825}{24881}- None.|- You'll need more.
{24885}{24999}And you'll need to train them hard!|Now, let's see.
{25001}{25061}Ah.
Okay.
{25061}{25169}The key to Springfield|has always been Elm Street.
{25169}{25293}The Greeks knew it.
The Carthaginians|knew it.
Now you know it.
{25295}{25368}First you'll need|a declaration of war.
{25370}{25514}Uh, ah!
That way, eveything|you do will be nice and legal.
{25518}{25619}Okay, I can use this one|from the Franco-Prussian War.
{25623}{25754}I'll just change "Otto von Bismarck"|to read " Bart Simpson."
{25757}{25827}- Psst!
{25829}{25943}- Grandpa, I think this|guy's a little nuts.|- Oh, yeah?
{25946}{26042}Well, General George S.
Patton|was a little nuts.
{26046}{26136}And this guy is completely|out of his mind.
{26138}{26220}We can't fail!
{26538}{26598}Psst!|Pass it on!
{26705}{26765}So, Mister,|what are we doin' here anyway?
{26768}{26825}I wonder|where Bart is.
{26828}{26915}Yeah.
It's way past|1500 hours.
{27047}{27128}Okay, we all know|why we're here, right?
{27132}{27218}- No.
Why?|- To fight Nelson the bully.
{27220}{27341}That guy has been tormenting all of us|for years, and I for one am sick of it.
{27344}{27469}I can't promise you victoy.|I can't promise you good times.
{27469}{27542}But the one thing I do know--|Whoa, whoa!
{27544}{27671}All right!
Okay!
I promise you|victoy!
I promise you good times!
{27808}{27866}I got a " B"|in arithmetic {27868}{27926}I got a " B"|in arithmetic {27929}{27986}Would've got an "A"|but I was sick {27989}{28046}Would've got an "A"|but I was sick {28091}{28166}Aah!
{28316}{28376}We are rubber|you are glue {28376}{28436}We are rubber|you are glue {28436}{28495}It bounces off of us|and sticks to you {28495}{28559}It bounces off of us|and sticks to you {28559}{28619}- Sound off|- One, two {28619}{28679}- Sound off|- Three, four {29276}{29338}- Go!
{29342}{29411}- Go!
{29411}{29503}- What's the matter with you, soldier?|- It's my nerves, sir.
{29506}{29570}I just can't stand|the barking anymore.
{29572}{29690}Your nerves?|I won't have cowards in my army.
{29690}{29750}- Ow!|- Sory, Bart.
{29750}{29819}you can push them|out of a plane, {29821}{29885}you can march them|off a cliff, {29887}{30004}you can send 'em off to die|on some godforsaken rock, {30004}{30109}but for some reason,|youcan't slap 'em.
{30109}{30169}Now apologize to|that boy right now.
{30173}{30226}- Sorry, man.|- It's cool.
{30229}{30304}In English class|I did the best {30304}{30370}In English class|I did the best {30373}{30430}Because I cheated|on the test {30433}{30490}Because I cheated|on the test {30493}{30550}- Sound off|- One, two {30553}{30610}- I can't hear you!|- Three, four {30613}{30692}All right, there's your enemy.|Now hit him!
{30694}{30751}Hithim!
{30754}{30836}Let's go, next group.|Martinez!
Steinberg!
{30838}{30919}O'Hara!
Chang!|Olajuwon!
Herman!
{31024}{31096}Die!
Die!
{31100}{31156}We are happy|We are merry {31160}{31225}We are happy|We are merry {31225}{31285}We got a rhyming|dictionary {31285}{31348}We got a rhyming|dictionary {31351}{31408}- Sound off|- One, two {31411}{31471}- One more time!|- Three, four {31474}{31531}Bring it|on home now!
{31534}{31615}One, two, three, four|One, two, three, four {31669}{31741}Nelson's at|the Elm Street Video Arcade.
{31744}{31846}Intelligence indicates he shakes down|kids for quarters at the arcade.
{31849}{31915}Then he heads to the Quick-E-Mart|for a cherry Squishy.
{31918}{31975}Then that's where|we'll hit him.
{31978}{32070}When he leaves the Quick-E-Mart,|we start the saturation bombing.
{32074}{32152}- We got the water balloons?|- Two hundred rounds, sir.
{32155}{32215}Is it okay if they say|" Happy Birthday" on the side?
{32218}{32353}Well, I'd rather they say " Death|From Above," but I guess we're stuck.
{32355}{32460}Okay, our main force will|be split into two groups.
{32464}{32559}One will circle around this way|to cut off the enemy's retreat, {32559}{32692}the other will drive in this way,|closing the trap.
{32692}{32815}- It's a classic pincers movement.|It can't fail against a ten-year-old.|- Heh-heh!
{32817}{32890}- Nelson's at the arcade, General.|- Battle stations.
{32892}{32967}- I feel so alive!|- you know, {32967}{33027}I thought|I was too old.
{33027}{33102}I thought|my time had passed.
{33102}{33211}I thought I'd never hear|the screams of pain...
{33211}{33304}or see the look of terror|in a young man's eyes.
{33304}{33364}Thank heaven|for children.
{33364}{33424}Hey, good Squishies.
{33424}{33484}- What flavor did you get?|- Blue.
{33484}{33544}Hey, yout wo birds!
{33544}{33649}You're gonna be suckin' all|your meals through straws if|you don't shut your traps.
{33651}{33726}Well, looky here.
{33729}{33808}Little Bart Simpson.
{33810}{33888}Nelson, I'm afraid I'm gonna|have to teach youa lesson.
{33892}{33958}Ha!
Oh, yeah?|youand what army?
{33960}{34020}This one.
{34023}{34095}Artillery, {34098}{34164}commence|saturation bombing!
{34725}{34785}Hey!
{34848}{34924}All right, you kids!|Keep it down!
{34926}{34984}Am I making myself-- {34986}{35057}Heh-heh-heh!|Got him!
{35061}{35147}You, up in the tree.|The tall gray-haired kid.
{35151}{35237}Get your butt down here|right now!
Doh!
{35271}{35351}No!
Please!
{35355}{35418}- Don't hurt us!|- Oh, we surrender.
{35418}{35490}W-W-We were only|followin' orders!
{35834}{35894}Eww!|Knock it off!
{35973}{36048}I guess you learned your lesson,|so now I'll untie you.
{36051}{36183}The second you untie me,|I'm gonna beat you to death, man.
{36186}{36278}Well, if that's gonna be your attitude,|I'm not gonna untie you.
{36278}{36368}Ha!
You're gonna|have to sometime.
{36411}{36471}Uh-oh.|He's right.
{36471}{36600}Don't you wory.|I was ready for this little eventuality.
{36660}{36726}Armistice treaty,|article four.
{36726}{36864}" Nelson is never again to raise|his fists in anger."
Article five.
{36866}{36971}" Nelson recognizes Bart's right|to exist."
Article six.
{36975}{37070}"Although Nelson shall have|no official power, {37070}{37154}he shall remain a figurehead|of menace in the neighborhood."
{37154}{37233}Wow.
Sounds good to me.|Okay, I'll sign.
{37235}{37310}- What about you, boy?|- All right, I'll sign.
{37313}{37415}- Are you boys through playing war?|- Yes, Mrs.
Simpson.
{37418}{37518}- Good.
Then here's some cupcakes.|- Oh, boy!
{37518}{37589}- Cupcakes.|- Mmm!
{37703}{37776}Ladies and gentlemen,|boys and girls, {37778}{37838}contray to what|you've just seen, {37838}{37913}war is neither|glamorous nor fun.
{37916}{38001}There are no winners.|Only losers.
{38001}{38102}There are no good wars,|with the following exceptions: {38105}{38195}The American Revolution, World War I,|and the Star Wars trilogy.
{38195}{38312}if you'd like to learn more|about war, there's lots of books|in your local libray-- {38315}{38372}many of them with|cool, goy pictures.
{38375}{38480}Well, good night, eveybody.|Peace, man.
{40450}{40525}- Shh!