Émission TV: The Simpsons - 1x10
{2900}{2960}Oh, it was delightful.
{2963}{3061}The frosting on the cake|was this thick.
{3065}{3158}And Eugene Fisk--|my poor sucker of an assistant-- {3158}{3215}didn't know the fruit punch|was spiked...
{3215}{3278}and he really made|an ass of himself...
{3280}{3338}putting the moves on the new girl|in Valve Maintenance.
{3340}{3419}- Does this girl like him?
{3419}{3479}I have to warn you, Marge, {3479}{3539}I think the poor young thing|has the hots for yours truly.
{3539}{3598}- Homer.
{3601}{3655}Just keeping you|on your toes, babe.
{3745}{3820}Two hundred and thirty nine pounds!|Oh, I'm a blimp.
{3823}{3913}Why are all the good things|so tasty?
{3916}{3985}From now on,|exercise evey morning.
{4060}{4125}You're not a blimp,|Homer.
{4129}{4215}You're my big|cuddly teddy bear.
{4266}{4279}Aw, baloney.
Yeah, right.
{4279}{4395}Aw, baloney.
Yeah, right.
{4399}{4459}Oh, give me a break.
{4461}{4530}Wow, cool, man!
{5037}{5097}Oh, no!
{5100}{5172}Two hundred|and thirty nine pounds?
{5175}{5232}I'm a whale.
{5235}{5364}Why was I cursed with this weakness|for snack treats?
{5364}{5457}Well, from now on,|exercise every morning, Homer.
{5519}{5577}Oh.
Don't strain|yourself, dear.
{5579}{5637}Good idea, Marge.
{5639}{5708}By the way,|this Friday night...
{5708}{5789}I'm gonna be attending a little|get together with the boys at work.
{5793}{5864}Eugene Fisk is marrying|some girl in Valve Maintenance.
{5864}{5960}Homer, is this|some kind of stag party?
{5963}{6065}No, no, Marge.|It's gonna be very classy.
{6065}{6134}A tea-and-crumpets|kind ofthing.
{6137}{6194}Eugene Fisk.|Isn't he your assistant?
{6197}{6314}- No!
My supervisor.|- Didn't he used to be your assistant?
{6314}{6419}- What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?|- Sorry, Homer.
{6419}{6514}- Uh-oh, it's the "fe-mailman."
{6514}{6584}Female carrier, Bart.
{6584}{6664}Lady, where's my spy camera?
{6668}{6724}- "Where's my spy camera?"|- Where's my spy camera?|Where's my spy camera, lady?
{6728}{6788}- Evey day for the last six months--|- Where's my spy camera?
{6791}{6904}Where's my spy camera?|Where's my spy camera?
{6907}{6982}Here's your|stupid spy camera!
{6986}{7054}Oh.|Thanks, ma'am.
{7132}{7243}Whoa, man.|Look at the size of this thing.
{7246}{7303}I wonder|if it really works.
{7372}{7453}'Cause I got|a lot of spying to do.
{7629}{7728}Bart!|What are you doing?
{7732}{7828}Sorry, Dad.|The answer to that is top secret.
{7996}{8052}- Oh, Bart.|- What?
{8056}{8124}Go take some wildlife pictures|or something.
{8277}{8335}Ew, gross.
{8337}{8430}Mom, Bart was taking|a picture of his butt.
{8433}{8530}Oh, sure.
Like I'm really gonna|take a picture of my butt.
{8530}{8616}Stop it, you two.|And put on some nice clothes.
{8616}{8676}Since it'sjust|the four of us tonight, {8676}{8781}- we're having dinner|at The Rusty Barnacle.|- Yea, fried shrimp!
{8783}{8873}Aw, Mom.
Can't we just|grab a burger at-- {8877}{8940}Only four of us?|Who escaped?
{8942}{9015}Your father.|He's having a boys' night out.
{9027}{9090}Justas I was asking myself, {9092}{9201}"Where did my seven-year-old|boy get the money...
{9203}{9266}for a Father's Day present?"
{9270}{9341}I opened the box.
{9341}{9470}And inside was little|Eugene's baseball glove.
{9473}{9545}- He had given me the one thing...
{9548}{9615}that mattered most to him|in the whole world.
{9617}{9746}Eugene, when I see you--|the one thing that matters|most to me in the whole world-- {9748}{9806}married tomorrow, {9808}{9877}I'm going to know|just how you felt that day.
{9881}{9980}- I love you, Dad.|- I love you, son.
{9982}{10070}Where am I,|the planet Cornball?
{10072}{10160}Hey, don't worry.
Things are gonna pick|up once the entertainment gets here.
{10162}{10271}- Ooh, entertainment.|- Yes, sir.
{10424}{10501}Ahoy!
I spy|the children's menu.
{10501}{10606}- Ahoy, this place bites.|- Bart.
{10610}{10675}So, what's it gonna be,|me little bucko?
{10675}{10744}Hm, let's see.
{10747}{10822}This evening|I shall go for the...
{10825}{10900}- squid platter,|- Ew.
{10900}{10960}- with extra tentacles, please.
{10962}{11041}- Oh, Bart.
Excuse me, sir.
{11044}{11127}The party next door seems|to be a little raucous.
{11131}{11194}Could you please ask them|to quiet down a little bit, please?
{11194}{11256}Aye, aye.
{11256}{11329}Eh, eh, eh, eh.
{11494}{11584}Hey, ty to keep|it down, guys.
{11584}{11646}- Okay?|- Hey, shut up.
{11649}{11734}Open the door and lie on the floor|said Barnacle Bill the sailor {11736}{11809}Hmm.
{11895}{11955}Here you go.
{11957}{12039}There you are.|For the baby.
{12042}{12146}And one squidplatter,|extra tentacles.
{12225}{12333}- Bart, quit fooling around|and eat your dinner.|- Yeah, eat it, Bart.
{12336}{12408}Ugh.
May I please be excused|for a minute?
{12408}{12530}Okay, but don't dawdle.|Your food will get cold.
{12534}{12596}Okay, Eugene.
{12596}{12678}One last taste|of bachelor freedom.
{12768}{12920}Presenting|Princess Kashmir, {12923}{13013}queen of the mysterious East.
{13223}{13298}Now this is|what I call a party.
{13298}{13396}How do I tell you this, my boy?|We're in hell.
{13400}{13501}Look at him squirm.
{13505}{13595}- You care to dance?|- She wants you, Homer.
{13598}{13681}- Go for it, Homer!
{13846}{13918}Shake his buns.
{14038}{14098}I'm sorry.|I don't usually laugh like this.
{14153}{14248}Ai, caramba.|Wow, man.
{14338}{14428}Oh, this is the most fun|I've ever had in my life.
{14593}{14704}The meeting of the Future Photographers|of america is now in session.
{14707}{14799}We would like to welcome|our new member, Bart Simpson.
{14803}{14908}Whoa.
People, people.|Don't applaud.
Let's get to work.
{15058}{15138}My goodness.|Quite exciting.
{15142}{15232}- Extremely sensual.|- The subtle graytones recall|the work of Helmut Newton.
{15234}{15292}Who's the sexy lady,|Bart?
{15294}{15372}Beats me.
But the guy dancing|with her is my pop.
{15375}{15465}- Wow!|- He brings to mind|the laterwork of Diane Arbus.
{15468}{15528}Bart, I'd really appreciate|a print of your masterwork.
{15528}{15588}- Me too.|- Yeah, come on.
{15588}{15645}Sorry, guys.|No can do.
{15645}{15704}Aw.
Oh.
{15704}{15785}Come on, Bart.
You're gonna make me|a print, aren't you?
{15789}{15888}Will you swear not to let another|living soul get a copy of this photo?
{15891}{15953}- Okay.
Yep.|- Cross your heart and hope to die?
{15957}{16026}- Stick a needle in your eye?|Jam a dagger in your thigh?|- Yep.
Yep.
{16028}{16062}Eat a horse manure pie?
{16062}{16148}- Yep.|- Well, okay.
{16152}{16247}- Pst.
Look what I got.|- Whoa.
I gotta have a copy of that.
{16251}{16307}- Sorry.|- Aw, come on.
{16311}{16377}Well, okay.
{16496}{16607}Hey, Bart.
How come Milhouse gets a|copy of your girlie picture and I don't?
{16607}{16697}- I thought I was your friend too.|- Well, okay.
{17314}{17407}Son, why are you wasting your time|with this sleazy trash?
{17411}{17488}Sorry, Dad.
{17488}{17593}Wait till I show|the guys at work this little doozy.
{17660}{17728}Mike, this is Al.
{17731}{17848}Just wanted to thank you for the|"informative memo" you faxed me.
{17851}{17908}Whoops.
Here comes the boss.|Gotta go.
{17911}{18003}Reverend Lovejoy,|your wife confiscated this...
{18003}{18070}- from one of the boys in the choir.
{18073}{18133}Why this sheep has strayed|from my own flock.
His name's-- {18136}{18232}Homer Simpson, sir,|a low-level employee...
{18235}{18297}- in sector 7-G.|- Simpson, huh?
{18301}{18363}- A family man?|- Wife and three kids, sir.
{18367}{18501}I'd like to see our self-styled|Valentino tomorrow morning, Smithers.
{18625}{18702}What are we laughing at?
{18895}{18968}One glazed and|one Scratch-'N-Win, please.
{18972}{19050}You look familiar, sir.
Are you|on the television or something?
{19053}{19125}Sorry, buddy.
You got me confused|with Fred Flintstone.
{19128}{19227}Oh.
Liberty Bell.
{19230}{19292}Another Liberty Bell!
{19296}{19352}One more and I'm a millionaire.
{19356}{19442}Come on, Liberty Bell,|please, please, please.
{19446}{19526}D'oh!|That purple fruit thing.
{19530}{19614}- Where were you yesterday?|- Hey, hey.
Looking good.
{19614}{19710}- What do you want, pal?|- Hey mister.
{19712}{19779}Do, do, do, do, do {19781}{19830}Do dee do dee do {19832}{19910}Well, a "do dee do dee do"|to you too, pint size.
{19914}{19982}Jeez, you get|a lot of nutcases in here.
{19982}{20060}Oh, sir, I've seen things|you can't imagine.
{20064}{20162}- Hey, hey, hey.|- I hear you, buddy.
{20165}{20222}Whew.
Full moon.
{20291}{20357}- Hmm.
Still got it.
{20591}{20671}- What is the meaning of this?
{20737}{20834}Meaningless, Marge.
Don't even|attempt to find meaning in it.
{20836}{20894}There's nothing between me|and Princess Kashmir.
{20896}{20969}- Princess who?|- Hey, my photo.
{20969}{21016}- Your photo?|- Uh-oh.
{21019}{21079}- Why you little--|- Why you big-- {21082}{21139}- Bart, go to your room.|- I'm out of here.
{21139}{21232}- Look, Marge, honey, baby, doll, I--|- Homer, {21232}{21319}I don't even want|to look at you right now.
{21323}{21383}- What are you saying, honey?
{21383}{21454}- But where will I sleep?|- My suggestion...
{21458}{21526}is for you to sleep|in the filth you created.
{21526}{21586}Would a motel be okay?
{21823}{21934}Oh, I knew you'd|come to your-- {21936}{22063}Here.
If you have any soul left,|you'll need these.
{22065}{22129}I know I will.
{22491}{22581}What's the matter, Homer?|Hottest ladies' night in months...
{22581}{22661}- and you're not even|checking out the action.|- Oh, Moe.
{22665}{22796}My wife gave me the old heave ho|because of some lousy picture.
{22800}{22875}- What, this one?|- D'oh!
{22878}{22965}- So, uh, where are you|staying tonight, Homer?|- Motel, I guess.
{22968}{23064}Oh, no.|No pal of mine is gonna stay...
{23066}{23135}in some dingy flophouse.
{23139}{23214}Ah.
{23217}{23279}If you get hungy|in the middle of the night, {23283}{23358}there's an open beer|in the fridge.
{23360}{23465}Look, Barney.|See the row of tiny lights up there?
{23468}{23537}The middle one|is my house.
{23540}{23603}Someone must have left|the porch light on.
{23603}{23663}Hey that's rough,|pal.
{23727}{23783}Hello, Marge.
{23785}{23825}- You left your damn porch light on.|- Barney!
{23825}{23845}- You left your damn porch light on.|- Barney!
{23849}{23909}Homer's not|made of money, you know.
{23909}{23969}- Who is this?|- Don't listen to him, Marge.
He's-- {23969}{24044}- Oh, it's you.|- Oh.
{24044}{24124}Homer, you're overwrought.
{24128}{24188}Why don't you|unwind a bit?
{24190}{24250}Party down the hall.
{24253}{24310}You know, this|apartment complex caters...
{24313}{24407}to upscale young singles like me.
{24409}{24499}No, Barn.
I just want|to crawl into bed.
{24502}{24583}Suit yourself, Homer.|Nighty-night.
{24919}{24979}I wonder when|Dad's coming home.
{25342}{25398}Homer Simpson.
{25402}{25464}Homer Simpson.|Report at once to Mr.
Burns' office.
{25468}{25537}Oh, no.
{25539}{25638}What in blue blazes|do you think you're doing, Simpson?
{25642}{25707}- What do you mean, sir?|- I mean this.
{25711}{25773}- A plant employee carrying on...
{25776}{25872}like an oversexed|orangutan in heat.
{25872}{25962}This is a family|nuclear powerplant, Simpson.
{25966}{26028}Our research indicates|that over 50 percent of our power...
{26031}{26088}is used by women.
{26091}{26178}I will not have you offending my|customers with your bawdy shenanigans.
{26181}{26253}It won't happen again, sir.|I promise.
{26256}{26343}- May I get out of your sight now?|- Just a second, Simpson.
{26346}{26403}Smithers, would you leave|the room for a minute?
{26406}{26463}Yes, sir.
{26511}{26571}Simpson, {26573}{26669}I am by most measures|a successful man.
{26672}{26831}I have wealth and power|beyond the dreams of you|and your clock-punching ilk.
{26831}{26910}And yet, I've led|a solitay life.
{26912}{26996}The fair sex|remains a mystey to me.
{26996}{27071}You seem to have|a way with women, a certain-- {27071}{27135}how shall I put it-- {27137}{27195}animal magnetisme.
{27197}{27251}Help me, Simpson.
{27251}{27311}Tell me your secret.
{27313}{27386}Uh, Mr.
Burns, in spite|of what eveybody thinks, {27388}{27452}I'm no lover boy.
{27455}{27521}Simpson,|I'm asking you nicely.
{27523}{27575}- I don't really know, sir.|- Simpson!
{27577}{27632}Well, I wine them,|I...
{27632}{27692}dine them,|bring them flowers, {27695}{27752}write them lovepoetry, sir.
{27755}{27811}Of course.
{27815}{27901}It's simplicity itself.
{27901}{27965}I won't forget this,|Simpson.
{27967}{28096}Now return to your work and tell|no one of what transpired here.
{28225}{28338}- Anybody home?|- Hi, Daddy.
{28342}{28398}Welcome back, Dad.
{28402}{28516}- How's your mom?|- Still kind of ticked off.
{28518}{28578}Yeah.|Good luck, man.
{28578}{28651}Oh, thanks, boy.
{28651}{28726}Hello, Marge.
{28729}{28789}It's me, Homer.
{28791}{28861}Are you still mad?
{28861}{28966}You are still mad.|Don't need to say it.
{28969}{29040}I'm your loving husband.|I can read you like a book.
{29040}{29100}I'll just have|some milk.
{29100}{29166}Look, I'm not drinking|out of the carton.
{29166}{29181}Look, I'm not drinking|out of the carton.
{29247}{29340}Come on, Marge!
Please forgive me.
{29344}{29451}I'm sorry.|I'm so sorry.
{29454}{29547}Homer, you don't even know|why you're apologizing.
{29550}{29625}Yes, I do.|Because I'm hungy, {29627}{29706}my clothes are smelly,|and I'm tired.
{29709}{29766}I've been|thinking, Homer, {29769}{29841}and you know what bothers me|the most about this whole thing?
{29844}{29910}You taught Bart|a vey bad lesson.
{29912}{29972}Your boy idolizes you.
{29972}{30045}- Oh, he does not.|- Yes, he does, Homer.
{30047}{30120}And when he sees you|treating women as objects, {30122}{30182}he's going to think|that it's okay.
{30182}{30242}You owe your son|better than that, Homer.
{30242}{30299}So what should I do, Marge?
{30299}{30389}Well, I think you|should take Bart...
{30392}{30468}to meet this exotic|belly-person.
{30470}{30547}I want him to see|that she's a real human being...
{30551}{30629}with real thoughts|and real feelings.
{30633}{30728}I want Bart to see you apologize|for the way you treated her.
{30731}{30815}Okay.
Your wish is my command,|my little-- {30815}{30875}Do it!
{31049}{31145}Princess Kashmir?|You must mean April Flower.
{31145}{31214}She's working|over at the Girlesque.
{31390}{31474}See, I'm tying to teach my son here|about treating women as objects.
{31478}{31534}Oh, that's a good idea.
{31538}{31594}Uh, but April's over|at Foxy Boxing tonight.
{31598}{31654}Just let me say|that it is an honor...
{31658}{31714}to have Springfield's number-one|swinger here with us to-- {31718}{31774}Forget that.
{31778}{31855}I'm teaching my boy a lesson.|Is she here or not?
{31855}{31915}Uh, ty Mud City.
{31969}{32098}- We're gonna ty one more place,|the Sapphire Lounge.
{32100}{32158}Bart!
I said look|at the floor.
{32248}{32308}...he really loves me-- {32310}{32449}There she is.
Hey, Princess, it's me,|the guy from the snapshot.
{32452}{32512}Oh.
Oh, hi.
{32514}{32578}Places, ladies, places.
{32580}{32653}Can I get just a little|cooperation?
It's show time.
{32655}{32743}I'm here because I want to apologize|for treating you like an object.
{32745}{32803}- Uh-huh.|- I also want my boy...
{32805}{32898}to find out that you're more|than just a belly.
{32898}{32977}I want him to meet the woman behind|all the spangles and glitter...
{32977}{33057}and find out that she has|thoughts and feelings too.
{33060}{33180}- Oh, well, okay.|But can we make it quick?|- Nice to meet you, ma'am.
{33183}{33240}Could you tell him|a little about yourself?
{33243}{33312}- Well, uh, my real name|is Shawna Tifton.|- Uh-huh.
{33314}{33374}- My pet peeve is rude people.|- Uh-huh.
{33378}{33464}- And my turn-ons include silk sheets...|- Uh-huh.
{33468}{33524}- and a warm fireplace.|- Thank you very much, ma'am.
{33528}{33588}We'll be on our-- {33590}{33672}- I've heard them say so often {33674}{33783}They can love|their wives ooh {33785}{33867}But I think|that's just foolish {33869}{33927}Men must have hearts {33929}{33989}Made of stone {33992}{34049}Now my heart is made {34049}{34109}- Cool, man.|- Of softer stuff {34112}{34176}- Get out of my cage.
{34178}{34256}- My boss will freak out.|- Oh, no.
{34256}{34358}- A pretty girl can't|look my way without|-Don't.
Don't!
{34358}{34418}- Don't.
No.|- Get out.
Get out of here.
{34421}{34499}- Get your hands off.
{34502}{34562}A new romance {34562}{34631}Oh I could love|a million girls {34633}{34697}And every girl a twin {34699}{34774}I could love a Chinese girl|an Eskimo or-- {35066}{35126}Get off of my stage,|fat boy.
{35128}{35194}Hey, it's the guy from the picture.
{35299}{35379}- Homer Simpson!|- Sorry, partner.
{35383}{35446}I didn't recognize you|at first.
{35449}{35509}Ladies and gentlemen,|it's an honor...
{35512}{35602}to have a real swinging cat|with us tonight.
{35604}{35679}Homer Simpson,|party guy.
{35784}{35857}- Mr.
Maestro.
{35857}{35941}Oh I could love|a million girls {35943}{36016}And every girl a twin {36018}{36076}Yeah I could love|a Chinese girl {36078}{36136}An Eskimo or Finn {36138}{36256}I could dig a Deutschland chick|a girl with golden curls {36258}{36345}In fact I think|that we could love {36415}{36495}About a million girls {36528}{36588}Heh.
Hey.
{36588}{36648}Ooh.
Look out.
{36651}{36762}Yeah.
{36765}{36852}- How does he do it, Smithers?|- He's a love machine, sir.
{36855}{36917}Da, da, da {36917}{36972}Way to go, Dad.
{37095}{37161}Uh-oh.|Wait a minute.
{37163}{37241}Wait a minute.|Stop the music.
{37283}{37403}Quiet, please.|I have something to say.
Quiet.
{37406}{37463}You with the hair,|down in front.
{37463}{37556}Oh, no.|He's sunk even lower.
{37560}{37646}I have something to say|to all the sons out there.
{37648}{37733}To all the boys, to all the men,|to all of us.
{37736}{37793}It's about women, {37793}{37918}and how they are not mere objects|with curves that make us crazy.
{37918}{37997}No, they are our wives, {38000}{38060}they are our daughters,|our sisters, {38062}{38152}our grandmas, our aunts,|our nieces and nephews.
{38156}{38234}Well, not our nephews.
{38236}{38294}They are our mothers.
{38296}{38407}And you know something, folks?|As ridiculous as this sounds, {38410}{38500}I would rather feel the sweet breath|of my beautiful wife...
{38504}{38594}on the back of my neck|as I sleep...
{38594}{38689}than to stuff dollar bills|into some stranger's G-string.
{38731}{38860}Am I wrong?|Or am I right?
{38862}{39007}My wife gets the cutest little thing,|right here, when she smiles.
{39010}{39109}- This is my Suzie.|- Oh, she's so cute.
{39109}{39169}Here's mine.
{39171}{39250}You know, my mom sounded|a little down the other day.
{39250}{39310}I'd better|give her a call.
{39310}{39366}- Homer.|- Marge.
{39576}{39657}All right, folks.
Show's over.|No more to see, folks.
{39660}{39804}Come on.
Only sick people|want to see my folks kiss.
{2963}{3061}The frosting on the cake|was this thick.
{3065}{3158}And Eugene Fisk--|my poor sucker of an assistant-- {3158}{3215}didn't know the fruit punch|was spiked...
{3215}{3278}and he really made|an ass of himself...
{3280}{3338}putting the moves on the new girl|in Valve Maintenance.
{3340}{3419}- Does this girl like him?
{3419}{3479}I have to warn you, Marge, {3479}{3539}I think the poor young thing|has the hots for yours truly.
{3539}{3598}- Homer.
{3601}{3655}Just keeping you|on your toes, babe.
{3745}{3820}Two hundred and thirty nine pounds!|Oh, I'm a blimp.
{3823}{3913}Why are all the good things|so tasty?
{3916}{3985}From now on,|exercise evey morning.
{4060}{4125}You're not a blimp,|Homer.
{4129}{4215}You're my big|cuddly teddy bear.
{4266}{4279}Aw, baloney.
Yeah, right.
{4279}{4395}Aw, baloney.
Yeah, right.
{4399}{4459}Oh, give me a break.
{4461}{4530}Wow, cool, man!
{5037}{5097}Oh, no!
{5100}{5172}Two hundred|and thirty nine pounds?
{5175}{5232}I'm a whale.
{5235}{5364}Why was I cursed with this weakness|for snack treats?
{5364}{5457}Well, from now on,|exercise every morning, Homer.
{5519}{5577}Oh.
Don't strain|yourself, dear.
{5579}{5637}Good idea, Marge.
{5639}{5708}By the way,|this Friday night...
{5708}{5789}I'm gonna be attending a little|get together with the boys at work.
{5793}{5864}Eugene Fisk is marrying|some girl in Valve Maintenance.
{5864}{5960}Homer, is this|some kind of stag party?
{5963}{6065}No, no, Marge.|It's gonna be very classy.
{6065}{6134}A tea-and-crumpets|kind ofthing.
{6137}{6194}Eugene Fisk.|Isn't he your assistant?
{6197}{6314}- No!
My supervisor.|- Didn't he used to be your assistant?
{6314}{6419}- What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?|- Sorry, Homer.
{6419}{6514}- Uh-oh, it's the "fe-mailman."
{6514}{6584}Female carrier, Bart.
{6584}{6664}Lady, where's my spy camera?
{6668}{6724}- "Where's my spy camera?"|- Where's my spy camera?|Where's my spy camera, lady?
{6728}{6788}- Evey day for the last six months--|- Where's my spy camera?
{6791}{6904}Where's my spy camera?|Where's my spy camera?
{6907}{6982}Here's your|stupid spy camera!
{6986}{7054}Oh.|Thanks, ma'am.
{7132}{7243}Whoa, man.|Look at the size of this thing.
{7246}{7303}I wonder|if it really works.
{7372}{7453}'Cause I got|a lot of spying to do.
{7629}{7728}Bart!|What are you doing?
{7732}{7828}Sorry, Dad.|The answer to that is top secret.
{7996}{8052}- Oh, Bart.|- What?
{8056}{8124}Go take some wildlife pictures|or something.
{8277}{8335}Ew, gross.
{8337}{8430}Mom, Bart was taking|a picture of his butt.
{8433}{8530}Oh, sure.
Like I'm really gonna|take a picture of my butt.
{8530}{8616}Stop it, you two.|And put on some nice clothes.
{8616}{8676}Since it'sjust|the four of us tonight, {8676}{8781}- we're having dinner|at The Rusty Barnacle.|- Yea, fried shrimp!
{8783}{8873}Aw, Mom.
Can't we just|grab a burger at-- {8877}{8940}Only four of us?|Who escaped?
{8942}{9015}Your father.|He's having a boys' night out.
{9027}{9090}Justas I was asking myself, {9092}{9201}"Where did my seven-year-old|boy get the money...
{9203}{9266}for a Father's Day present?"
{9270}{9341}I opened the box.
{9341}{9470}And inside was little|Eugene's baseball glove.
{9473}{9545}- He had given me the one thing...
{9548}{9615}that mattered most to him|in the whole world.
{9617}{9746}Eugene, when I see you--|the one thing that matters|most to me in the whole world-- {9748}{9806}married tomorrow, {9808}{9877}I'm going to know|just how you felt that day.
{9881}{9980}- I love you, Dad.|- I love you, son.
{9982}{10070}Where am I,|the planet Cornball?
{10072}{10160}Hey, don't worry.
Things are gonna pick|up once the entertainment gets here.
{10162}{10271}- Ooh, entertainment.|- Yes, sir.
{10424}{10501}Ahoy!
I spy|the children's menu.
{10501}{10606}- Ahoy, this place bites.|- Bart.
{10610}{10675}So, what's it gonna be,|me little bucko?
{10675}{10744}Hm, let's see.
{10747}{10822}This evening|I shall go for the...
{10825}{10900}- squid platter,|- Ew.
{10900}{10960}- with extra tentacles, please.
{10962}{11041}- Oh, Bart.
Excuse me, sir.
{11044}{11127}The party next door seems|to be a little raucous.
{11131}{11194}Could you please ask them|to quiet down a little bit, please?
{11194}{11256}Aye, aye.
{11256}{11329}Eh, eh, eh, eh.
{11494}{11584}Hey, ty to keep|it down, guys.
{11584}{11646}- Okay?|- Hey, shut up.
{11649}{11734}Open the door and lie on the floor|said Barnacle Bill the sailor {11736}{11809}Hmm.
{11895}{11955}Here you go.
{11957}{12039}There you are.|For the baby.
{12042}{12146}And one squidplatter,|extra tentacles.
{12225}{12333}- Bart, quit fooling around|and eat your dinner.|- Yeah, eat it, Bart.
{12336}{12408}Ugh.
May I please be excused|for a minute?
{12408}{12530}Okay, but don't dawdle.|Your food will get cold.
{12534}{12596}Okay, Eugene.
{12596}{12678}One last taste|of bachelor freedom.
{12768}{12920}Presenting|Princess Kashmir, {12923}{13013}queen of the mysterious East.
{13223}{13298}Now this is|what I call a party.
{13298}{13396}How do I tell you this, my boy?|We're in hell.
{13400}{13501}Look at him squirm.
{13505}{13595}- You care to dance?|- She wants you, Homer.
{13598}{13681}- Go for it, Homer!
{13846}{13918}Shake his buns.
{14038}{14098}I'm sorry.|I don't usually laugh like this.
{14153}{14248}Ai, caramba.|Wow, man.
{14338}{14428}Oh, this is the most fun|I've ever had in my life.
{14593}{14704}The meeting of the Future Photographers|of america is now in session.
{14707}{14799}We would like to welcome|our new member, Bart Simpson.
{14803}{14908}Whoa.
People, people.|Don't applaud.
Let's get to work.
{15058}{15138}My goodness.|Quite exciting.
{15142}{15232}- Extremely sensual.|- The subtle graytones recall|the work of Helmut Newton.
{15234}{15292}Who's the sexy lady,|Bart?
{15294}{15372}Beats me.
But the guy dancing|with her is my pop.
{15375}{15465}- Wow!|- He brings to mind|the laterwork of Diane Arbus.
{15468}{15528}Bart, I'd really appreciate|a print of your masterwork.
{15528}{15588}- Me too.|- Yeah, come on.
{15588}{15645}Sorry, guys.|No can do.
{15645}{15704}Aw.
Oh.
{15704}{15785}Come on, Bart.
You're gonna make me|a print, aren't you?
{15789}{15888}Will you swear not to let another|living soul get a copy of this photo?
{15891}{15953}- Okay.
Yep.|- Cross your heart and hope to die?
{15957}{16026}- Stick a needle in your eye?|Jam a dagger in your thigh?|- Yep.
Yep.
{16028}{16062}Eat a horse manure pie?
{16062}{16148}- Yep.|- Well, okay.
{16152}{16247}- Pst.
Look what I got.|- Whoa.
I gotta have a copy of that.
{16251}{16307}- Sorry.|- Aw, come on.
{16311}{16377}Well, okay.
{16496}{16607}Hey, Bart.
How come Milhouse gets a|copy of your girlie picture and I don't?
{16607}{16697}- I thought I was your friend too.|- Well, okay.
{17314}{17407}Son, why are you wasting your time|with this sleazy trash?
{17411}{17488}Sorry, Dad.
{17488}{17593}Wait till I show|the guys at work this little doozy.
{17660}{17728}Mike, this is Al.
{17731}{17848}Just wanted to thank you for the|"informative memo" you faxed me.
{17851}{17908}Whoops.
Here comes the boss.|Gotta go.
{17911}{18003}Reverend Lovejoy,|your wife confiscated this...
{18003}{18070}- from one of the boys in the choir.
{18073}{18133}Why this sheep has strayed|from my own flock.
His name's-- {18136}{18232}Homer Simpson, sir,|a low-level employee...
{18235}{18297}- in sector 7-G.|- Simpson, huh?
{18301}{18363}- A family man?|- Wife and three kids, sir.
{18367}{18501}I'd like to see our self-styled|Valentino tomorrow morning, Smithers.
{18625}{18702}What are we laughing at?
{18895}{18968}One glazed and|one Scratch-'N-Win, please.
{18972}{19050}You look familiar, sir.
Are you|on the television or something?
{19053}{19125}Sorry, buddy.
You got me confused|with Fred Flintstone.
{19128}{19227}Oh.
Liberty Bell.
{19230}{19292}Another Liberty Bell!
{19296}{19352}One more and I'm a millionaire.
{19356}{19442}Come on, Liberty Bell,|please, please, please.
{19446}{19526}D'oh!|That purple fruit thing.
{19530}{19614}- Where were you yesterday?|- Hey, hey.
Looking good.
{19614}{19710}- What do you want, pal?|- Hey mister.
{19712}{19779}Do, do, do, do, do {19781}{19830}Do dee do dee do {19832}{19910}Well, a "do dee do dee do"|to you too, pint size.
{19914}{19982}Jeez, you get|a lot of nutcases in here.
{19982}{20060}Oh, sir, I've seen things|you can't imagine.
{20064}{20162}- Hey, hey, hey.|- I hear you, buddy.
{20165}{20222}Whew.
Full moon.
{20291}{20357}- Hmm.
Still got it.
{20591}{20671}- What is the meaning of this?
{20737}{20834}Meaningless, Marge.
Don't even|attempt to find meaning in it.
{20836}{20894}There's nothing between me|and Princess Kashmir.
{20896}{20969}- Princess who?|- Hey, my photo.
{20969}{21016}- Your photo?|- Uh-oh.
{21019}{21079}- Why you little--|- Why you big-- {21082}{21139}- Bart, go to your room.|- I'm out of here.
{21139}{21232}- Look, Marge, honey, baby, doll, I--|- Homer, {21232}{21319}I don't even want|to look at you right now.
{21323}{21383}- What are you saying, honey?
{21383}{21454}- But where will I sleep?|- My suggestion...
{21458}{21526}is for you to sleep|in the filth you created.
{21526}{21586}Would a motel be okay?
{21823}{21934}Oh, I knew you'd|come to your-- {21936}{22063}Here.
If you have any soul left,|you'll need these.
{22065}{22129}I know I will.
{22491}{22581}What's the matter, Homer?|Hottest ladies' night in months...
{22581}{22661}- and you're not even|checking out the action.|- Oh, Moe.
{22665}{22796}My wife gave me the old heave ho|because of some lousy picture.
{22800}{22875}- What, this one?|- D'oh!
{22878}{22965}- So, uh, where are you|staying tonight, Homer?|- Motel, I guess.
{22968}{23064}Oh, no.|No pal of mine is gonna stay...
{23066}{23135}in some dingy flophouse.
{23139}{23214}Ah.
{23217}{23279}If you get hungy|in the middle of the night, {23283}{23358}there's an open beer|in the fridge.
{23360}{23465}Look, Barney.|See the row of tiny lights up there?
{23468}{23537}The middle one|is my house.
{23540}{23603}Someone must have left|the porch light on.
{23603}{23663}Hey that's rough,|pal.
{23727}{23783}Hello, Marge.
{23785}{23825}- You left your damn porch light on.|- Barney!
{23825}{23845}- You left your damn porch light on.|- Barney!
{23849}{23909}Homer's not|made of money, you know.
{23909}{23969}- Who is this?|- Don't listen to him, Marge.
He's-- {23969}{24044}- Oh, it's you.|- Oh.
{24044}{24124}Homer, you're overwrought.
{24128}{24188}Why don't you|unwind a bit?
{24190}{24250}Party down the hall.
{24253}{24310}You know, this|apartment complex caters...
{24313}{24407}to upscale young singles like me.
{24409}{24499}No, Barn.
I just want|to crawl into bed.
{24502}{24583}Suit yourself, Homer.|Nighty-night.
{24919}{24979}I wonder when|Dad's coming home.
{25342}{25398}Homer Simpson.
{25402}{25464}Homer Simpson.|Report at once to Mr.
Burns' office.
{25468}{25537}Oh, no.
{25539}{25638}What in blue blazes|do you think you're doing, Simpson?
{25642}{25707}- What do you mean, sir?|- I mean this.
{25711}{25773}- A plant employee carrying on...
{25776}{25872}like an oversexed|orangutan in heat.
{25872}{25962}This is a family|nuclear powerplant, Simpson.
{25966}{26028}Our research indicates|that over 50 percent of our power...
{26031}{26088}is used by women.
{26091}{26178}I will not have you offending my|customers with your bawdy shenanigans.
{26181}{26253}It won't happen again, sir.|I promise.
{26256}{26343}- May I get out of your sight now?|- Just a second, Simpson.
{26346}{26403}Smithers, would you leave|the room for a minute?
{26406}{26463}Yes, sir.
{26511}{26571}Simpson, {26573}{26669}I am by most measures|a successful man.
{26672}{26831}I have wealth and power|beyond the dreams of you|and your clock-punching ilk.
{26831}{26910}And yet, I've led|a solitay life.
{26912}{26996}The fair sex|remains a mystey to me.
{26996}{27071}You seem to have|a way with women, a certain-- {27071}{27135}how shall I put it-- {27137}{27195}animal magnetisme.
{27197}{27251}Help me, Simpson.
{27251}{27311}Tell me your secret.
{27313}{27386}Uh, Mr.
Burns, in spite|of what eveybody thinks, {27388}{27452}I'm no lover boy.
{27455}{27521}Simpson,|I'm asking you nicely.
{27523}{27575}- I don't really know, sir.|- Simpson!
{27577}{27632}Well, I wine them,|I...
{27632}{27692}dine them,|bring them flowers, {27695}{27752}write them lovepoetry, sir.
{27755}{27811}Of course.
{27815}{27901}It's simplicity itself.
{27901}{27965}I won't forget this,|Simpson.
{27967}{28096}Now return to your work and tell|no one of what transpired here.
{28225}{28338}- Anybody home?|- Hi, Daddy.
{28342}{28398}Welcome back, Dad.
{28402}{28516}- How's your mom?|- Still kind of ticked off.
{28518}{28578}Yeah.|Good luck, man.
{28578}{28651}Oh, thanks, boy.
{28651}{28726}Hello, Marge.
{28729}{28789}It's me, Homer.
{28791}{28861}Are you still mad?
{28861}{28966}You are still mad.|Don't need to say it.
{28969}{29040}I'm your loving husband.|I can read you like a book.
{29040}{29100}I'll just have|some milk.
{29100}{29166}Look, I'm not drinking|out of the carton.
{29166}{29181}Look, I'm not drinking|out of the carton.
{29247}{29340}Come on, Marge!
Please forgive me.
{29344}{29451}I'm sorry.|I'm so sorry.
{29454}{29547}Homer, you don't even know|why you're apologizing.
{29550}{29625}Yes, I do.|Because I'm hungy, {29627}{29706}my clothes are smelly,|and I'm tired.
{29709}{29766}I've been|thinking, Homer, {29769}{29841}and you know what bothers me|the most about this whole thing?
{29844}{29910}You taught Bart|a vey bad lesson.
{29912}{29972}Your boy idolizes you.
{29972}{30045}- Oh, he does not.|- Yes, he does, Homer.
{30047}{30120}And when he sees you|treating women as objects, {30122}{30182}he's going to think|that it's okay.
{30182}{30242}You owe your son|better than that, Homer.
{30242}{30299}So what should I do, Marge?
{30299}{30389}Well, I think you|should take Bart...
{30392}{30468}to meet this exotic|belly-person.
{30470}{30547}I want him to see|that she's a real human being...
{30551}{30629}with real thoughts|and real feelings.
{30633}{30728}I want Bart to see you apologize|for the way you treated her.
{30731}{30815}Okay.
Your wish is my command,|my little-- {30815}{30875}Do it!
{31049}{31145}Princess Kashmir?|You must mean April Flower.
{31145}{31214}She's working|over at the Girlesque.
{31390}{31474}See, I'm tying to teach my son here|about treating women as objects.
{31478}{31534}Oh, that's a good idea.
{31538}{31594}Uh, but April's over|at Foxy Boxing tonight.
{31598}{31654}Just let me say|that it is an honor...
{31658}{31714}to have Springfield's number-one|swinger here with us to-- {31718}{31774}Forget that.
{31778}{31855}I'm teaching my boy a lesson.|Is she here or not?
{31855}{31915}Uh, ty Mud City.
{31969}{32098}- We're gonna ty one more place,|the Sapphire Lounge.
{32100}{32158}Bart!
I said look|at the floor.
{32248}{32308}...he really loves me-- {32310}{32449}There she is.
Hey, Princess, it's me,|the guy from the snapshot.
{32452}{32512}Oh.
Oh, hi.
{32514}{32578}Places, ladies, places.
{32580}{32653}Can I get just a little|cooperation?
It's show time.
{32655}{32743}I'm here because I want to apologize|for treating you like an object.
{32745}{32803}- Uh-huh.|- I also want my boy...
{32805}{32898}to find out that you're more|than just a belly.
{32898}{32977}I want him to meet the woman behind|all the spangles and glitter...
{32977}{33057}and find out that she has|thoughts and feelings too.
{33060}{33180}- Oh, well, okay.|But can we make it quick?|- Nice to meet you, ma'am.
{33183}{33240}Could you tell him|a little about yourself?
{33243}{33312}- Well, uh, my real name|is Shawna Tifton.|- Uh-huh.
{33314}{33374}- My pet peeve is rude people.|- Uh-huh.
{33378}{33464}- And my turn-ons include silk sheets...|- Uh-huh.
{33468}{33524}- and a warm fireplace.|- Thank you very much, ma'am.
{33528}{33588}We'll be on our-- {33590}{33672}- I've heard them say so often {33674}{33783}They can love|their wives ooh {33785}{33867}But I think|that's just foolish {33869}{33927}Men must have hearts {33929}{33989}Made of stone {33992}{34049}Now my heart is made {34049}{34109}- Cool, man.|- Of softer stuff {34112}{34176}- Get out of my cage.
{34178}{34256}- My boss will freak out.|- Oh, no.
{34256}{34358}- A pretty girl can't|look my way without|-Don't.
Don't!
{34358}{34418}- Don't.
No.|- Get out.
Get out of here.
{34421}{34499}- Get your hands off.
{34502}{34562}A new romance {34562}{34631}Oh I could love|a million girls {34633}{34697}And every girl a twin {34699}{34774}I could love a Chinese girl|an Eskimo or-- {35066}{35126}Get off of my stage,|fat boy.
{35128}{35194}Hey, it's the guy from the picture.
{35299}{35379}- Homer Simpson!|- Sorry, partner.
{35383}{35446}I didn't recognize you|at first.
{35449}{35509}Ladies and gentlemen,|it's an honor...
{35512}{35602}to have a real swinging cat|with us tonight.
{35604}{35679}Homer Simpson,|party guy.
{35784}{35857}- Mr.
Maestro.
{35857}{35941}Oh I could love|a million girls {35943}{36016}And every girl a twin {36018}{36076}Yeah I could love|a Chinese girl {36078}{36136}An Eskimo or Finn {36138}{36256}I could dig a Deutschland chick|a girl with golden curls {36258}{36345}In fact I think|that we could love {36415}{36495}About a million girls {36528}{36588}Heh.
Hey.
{36588}{36648}Ooh.
Look out.
{36651}{36762}Yeah.
{36765}{36852}- How does he do it, Smithers?|- He's a love machine, sir.
{36855}{36917}Da, da, da {36917}{36972}Way to go, Dad.
{37095}{37161}Uh-oh.|Wait a minute.
{37163}{37241}Wait a minute.|Stop the music.
{37283}{37403}Quiet, please.|I have something to say.
Quiet.
{37406}{37463}You with the hair,|down in front.
{37463}{37556}Oh, no.|He's sunk even lower.
{37560}{37646}I have something to say|to all the sons out there.
{37648}{37733}To all the boys, to all the men,|to all of us.
{37736}{37793}It's about women, {37793}{37918}and how they are not mere objects|with curves that make us crazy.
{37918}{37997}No, they are our wives, {38000}{38060}they are our daughters,|our sisters, {38062}{38152}our grandmas, our aunts,|our nieces and nephews.
{38156}{38234}Well, not our nephews.
{38236}{38294}They are our mothers.
{38296}{38407}And you know something, folks?|As ridiculous as this sounds, {38410}{38500}I would rather feel the sweet breath|of my beautiful wife...
{38504}{38594}on the back of my neck|as I sleep...
{38594}{38689}than to stuff dollar bills|into some stranger's G-string.
{38731}{38860}Am I wrong?|Or am I right?
{38862}{39007}My wife gets the cutest little thing,|right here, when she smiles.
{39010}{39109}- This is my Suzie.|- Oh, she's so cute.
{39109}{39169}Here's mine.
{39171}{39250}You know, my mom sounded|a little down the other day.
{39250}{39310}I'd better|give her a call.
{39310}{39366}- Homer.|- Marge.
{39576}{39657}All right, folks.
Show's over.|No more to see, folks.
{39660}{39804}Come on.
Only sick people|want to see my folks kiss.