Émission TV: Scrubs - 3x19

I can't stop thinking about last night.
I mean, it's incredible how fast things can go from amazing...
...to complete disaster.
SEAN?
I have been looking all over for you!
What are you doing back from New Zealand?
Morning.
What's up with him?
He slept with Elliot last night.
Is it that time of year again?
Dude, ignore her.
That's three years in a row...
who's feeling you?
You be.
She's already back with Sean.
How soon after you guys hooked up?
About ninety seconds.
What should I do?
That was a huge mistake.
Because the closer Turk and Carla got to their wedding, the more they became one of those annoying couples...
that thought they knew everything about relationships.
Look, J.D....
You first, honey.
J.D., love is like a butterfly.
Hold it too tight and...
you'll crush it.
Too loose and it flies away.
The phone call was Elliot asking me to meet her so we could talk.
I was nervous, but I felt better the moment I saw good old Irv at the security gate.
Irrrrrv!
Howdy, Dr.
Dorian.
I'm sorry, sir.
But there's no parking allowed...
at the emergency curb.
But I'd be happy to park your car for ya, and run the keys up to you in a jiff.
Yeah....
Except this is my only set?
And I'm afraid you might eat them.
Okay?
See ya, tubs.
I've been trying like the dickens to cut down on my snacking, but it's just so...
You look great, Irv!
Irv didn't look great, but I didn't have time to talk.
Danni!?
When you run into someone you used to date, either you find them totally annoying or enough time has passed...
that you've idealized everything about them.
Hey, J.D. "
Hey, Jay-Dee!"
I'm actually on my way to see somebody, so, you know....
Oh, okay.
I'll see you later.
Oh, be nice.
Danni, wait!
How've you been?
Well, actually, I...
Gotta go!
And there she was...
my lady.
Hey, Elliot.
J.D., I can't talk right now.
Should we just hold each other?
Sorry!
Sorry!
I couldn't find a parking spot!
Hey, J.D.
What's up?
What's up....
Attention, Sacred Heart!
Everyone please gather'round.
Doctors, nurses, patients, hear ye, hear ye.
Everyone should know that last night, Elliot Reid and I made passionate love for a good hour and a half.
Check that!
A great hour and a half.
When I hit it, I hit it good!
That is all!
Aww, Bambi freeze up again?
It's not our problem, honey.
Scrubs 3x19 : My Choosiest Choice Of All Transcript : http://scrubs.mopnt.com/scripts/ Script & Timing : Siefaz Pour www.forom.com You've got something on your face.
What?
The love of my life.
You got it.
So, I'll see you after work.
'Kay.
Bye, J.D.
Peace out, Sean.
Listen, J.D....
Last night was really important to me.
I know.
I mean, you don't want to be rusty at sex...
before you throw down with your real boyfriend, do ya?
Look, you and I have been down this road before and we both know where it ends.
I'm sorry.
I just...
I really want to make this work with Sean.
So, please don't say anything to him?
Okay?
I totally understand.
You know, Danni and I are getting back together, too.
We are?
Danni?
Danni, Danni, Danni....
What was her last name?
Damn!
I should know this!
Blonde hair!
Yes!
Raspy voice!
Oh, yeah.
That incision's healing up nicely.
Thanks again, Dr.
Miller.
I'm gonna have my band write a song about you.
Well, I'm glad I struck a chord!
Yeah, listen: While you were proving once and for all...
that pretty girls do not in fact need to be funny, I went ahead and took a look at your little rock star's chart.
Oh, didja?
Yes, I did.
And his urine output is dropping, so you should probably start him on Lasix.
You amuse me.
So even though he's post-op and still technically my patient, I'm gonna pretend to consider your opinion before I walk away and do whatever I want!
Hmm.
No!
Are you all right?
Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm.
I told Security to look into it?
But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward.
If I was a security guard around here, things'd be different.
You really want to be a security guard?
Who around here commands more respect...
than the men who wear blue and green?
The uniforms are black and gray.
You got me.
I don't see colors well.
Happy now?
Look, if you're really into Security, Irv's position just opened up!
What happened to Irv?
Tubs?
Who's tubby now!?!?!
Stop him!
He had to be let go.
Okay, Elliot really hurt me.
Still, right now I need to keep a level head.
My emotions are all over the place, and it's important that I don't do anything rash.
Do you have to do that here?
What?
I like smoking after sex.
And during.
God, you never used to smoke!
Yeah, but back then I was pretending to be someone I thought you wanted me to be, and that didn't work.
So now....
...I'm gonna let the real me come out.
And the real me wants to do it again...
and she wants to do it rough!
Oh, I don't know, Danni.
The real me's not really into that.
GIVE IT TO ME!
Oh, my God, Danni, I am so sorry.
I thought that's what you wanted.
It was.
Quick question: Will my son ever stop crying?
You know what's so sweet?
This morning, Jack called her "Da-Da".
I'm...
I'm...
I'm sorry.
Look, there's a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she's harping at me, I actually see your face.
I love that you think about me at work!
Honestly, Jordan, I have never despised anyone more.
Oh, my God.
You have a crush on her.
Who said who to what now?
It is so typical.
We have an amazing son, we're totally getting along for a change...
but that's too boring for you; it's too nice!
So you have to go and blow the whole thing up, don't you?
Well, bravo, Perry.
Ohh...fantastic!
Now, I know you say you love us all equally.
But you don't, do ya.
I'm onto you, Big Man!
Okay.
This badge is now yours.
I just want to thank you for believing in me.
And I want to assure you that I am gonna be guarding these hospital gates the way Cerberus guarded the gates of Hell!
Yeah, that's terrific.
Look at you in your new uniform!
And they give you a nightstick!
Well, actually, this is my dad's.
He used to use this baby every day at work.
Was he a cop?
Uh, no, cat trainer.
That way!
You stay here!
I'll go!
I felt bad about hooking up with Danni.
But luckily no one knew.
You want any water?
Well, do you guys?
Bambi!
We know you were in there with Danni.
We heard you say her name!
Oh, no, no.
I was...
I was in there with my buddy Danny, from the gym.
But we heard you say "Take it all, Danni!"
He's a...
really...
good...
buddy.
Moving a little quick there, aren't we, bub?
Got a story to tell me?
Here's a story : It's called The Security Guard Who Was Sodomized With His Own Nightstick.
Why don't we just consider this a warning.
Yeah.
My cousin is a bank teller, and he gave me one of those exploding ink cartridges...
they put in stolen money so I could figure out...
who's been disconnecting the emergency exits!
Nice work.
Okay, that's all from me, Jeff.
Any other questions you might have you can direct to Dr.
Cox, here.
I'm sure you'll find him to be quite...
something!
You think it's cool if I broke out tomorrow and play a set with the band?
They're going on tour in Europe and...
I won't get a chance to play with them for a whole year.
I think we can work something out.
Don't worry about it.
I will drive him out there myself, he can play with his friends for an hour, and then I'll drive him back.
I won't worry about it.
Mostly because he's not going.
You see, I'm his doctor now.
I didn't listen to you before, so now you're gonna take it out on the patient.
Look, I honestly don't think that going to some...
dive bar is necessarily appropriate for somebody who just had kidney surgery.
Although, don't get me wrong, the fact that it seems to be pissing you off...
so much is the true definition of an added perk.
Seriously, you can...
you can look it up in the dictionary.
It's under "P" for "perk".
It's right next to "pain in the ass" and, curiously enough, your picture is right next to it.
Bambi, when you broke up with Danni, you said it was the happiest day of your life!
No, that was only because 'Barney Miller' came out on DVD.
And WoJo's commentary on it?
Priceless!
Look, maybe Danni's not the love of my life, all right?
But she's...
she's beautiful, and she quirky, and she's very...
sweet.
Man, I get so gassy after having sex.
Oh, by the way, some skank named Barbara called, and I told her to back off.
Barbara's my mom.
In life, there are personal realizations....
I hate my girlfriend.
....and professional ones.
Listen, Serpico, I go four steps out that door to my car every day.
And that's important, because if I don't beat Enid home from her thighs & buns class, I have to help her peel off her leotard.
So remember this : I hired you, and I can fire you.
But the worst are the realizations that sneak up on you.
Excuse me, I need to get a, uh...
Book about supply closet etiquette?
Yeah, look, I'm kinda using this area?
Oh, oh, you are so annoying; you must drive your wife insane...
Are you married?
Like when you realize you just might have a crush after all.
No, no I'm not.
In a big hospital, you can hide from almost anything.
Except your conscience.
Hello.
Oh, hey!
Hey, Jordan!
You know what's weird?
Tell me.
We're so close, and yet if anybody asks if we're married, all either one of us can say is...
is no.
Actually, I say we were married for five years then got divorced, now we're back living together, have a child, but we're in a long-term, committed relationship.
Yeah, that's what I say, too....
That or...
no.
Oh, Mr.
Mid-life.
We both know what this is about.
And you should just go ahead and enjoy your crush!
Because, honestly, I don't care.
I don't!
That's sad.
Hey, Q-Tip!
Some girl who says she's your girlfriend is on the phone!
Oh, uh, tell her I'm not here.
Godspeed, sir.
What?
I'm in a pickle!
A pickle!
Hey, you wanna play darts?
Sure!
Great!
Have fun, I'll be over here.
Do you even enjoy spending time with me? "
Enjoy" is such a strong word....
I...
I'm used to it.
You know, like cafeteria food, or the constant threat of terrorism.
What, you don't enjoy hanging out with me, do you?
Not really.
I'm more into tough guys, you know?
Last night in bed, I knocked you unconscious!
For like five seconds!
So I guess...
this is over.
Why?
So, you'd rather hang out with someone you don't even like than be alone?
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, me too.
I mean, come on, how many couples out there actually have fun together?
Guys!
Elliot and I are in the middle of a marathon game of Hide & Go Seek.
If she comes in, you didn't see me!
Ninety-nine!
One hundred!
Have you guys seen Sean?
Yeah, he's...
Where'd he go?
Aw, he's a dynamite hider.
Oh, don't even start, Tarla, or Curk, or whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgmental freak-show.
Why don't I do a little piece for you I like to call...
Your First Year of Marriage: "I do."
Oh, kiss, kiss, kiss. "
Why can't we have a baby?"
"Why you spending so much money on clothes?"
"Why you sleeping with my sister?"
"Why can't I hang out with my peeps?"
Baby.
I would never sleep with your sister.
She's hideous.
And I would never have a crush on someone else.
I do not have a crush.
What is this?
That is a form allowing Mr.
Stockton's band to come visit him...
so that Dr.
Miller will be happy that I did a nice thing for her.
Turk, he wants to be with Dr.
Miller because he thinks it'll make him what?
Happy.
Exactly.
But he's really only happy when he's...?
Miserable.
Right!
So why does he really want to be with Dr.
Miller?
'Cause she got big-ass boobies!
No, no, no.
Because he likes being miserable.
If I actually enjoyed being miserable, then why wouldn't I stay here talking to you two?
Okay, let's see how Elliot likes it when I'm all over my lady?
Hey, I've got something for you.
What?
Okay, I'm gonna buy the next round.
Which one of you handsome boys wanna help me carry it?
We're both good-looking guys, am I right?
We'll sort this out when I get back!
Okay, sort away, Seany-Sean-Sean!
Oh, my God!
How could you do this to me?
Do...what?
Ohh, I don't know!
Come over my house, sleep with me, and then dump me the minute Sean shows up...
so I feel like a complete loser!
Oh, you seem real crushed!
I mean, you jumped into bed with Danni so quick you didn't have time to change the sheets!
You know I only have one set.
Look, J.D., can I ask you a favor?
Could I ask you one?
Sure, anything.
What is it?
Damn, I don't have one.
Didn't have one, did ya?
Look, Elliot!
What do you want!?
How about you remembering that you're supposed to be my friend?
Why'd you page me?
What do you want?
Just, uh...just watch his face.
No way.
How you feeling?
Hey, Rick!
Audrey!
Ryan!
Tim!
Jamie!
Tobey!
Hey, Jeff!
Joe!
I hope this won't be awkward for ya, but I promised the whole band you'd have sex with them.
Don't look at me like that!
This is your fault, anyway!
You two made me dream again.
Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.
I do not owe you an explanation for that!
You're right, you don't owe us an explanation!
Lay some truth on him, baby!
You owe one to yourself.
Ouch.
Now I'm gonna let my husband-to-be tell you what life's really all about, because he has more of this than any man I know.
Archie comics?
No, the other thing.
Oh, that's right...
integrity.
Oh.
Here's your chance!
I was so mad at Elliot I couldn't sleep last night.
Also, Danni snores like a gutted wild boar.
But mostly it was the Elliot thing.
Hey, J.D.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Look, things have been a little weird between Elliot and I since I got back.
Good.
J.D., listen.
Did anything happen between you and Elliot while I was gone?
Sorry, everybody.
False alarm.
Well?
There comes a time when every man has to make a choice.
Whether it's a professional choice...
Come on!
What are you gonna do about it?
Or whether it's a personal choice.
Hey.
Wanna go for a beer after the show?
In the end, it's about integrity.
Yes!
No!
No!
And it's about chasing after what you really want.
Here's your beer.
Even if that means showing you both care a little.
Did you...
did you do that for me?
I thought it'd be fun.
See, now there are two blondes you can't have sex with!
I don't care!
It is so naughty!
Cheers.
And sometimes...
well, sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.
No.
Sean, nothing happened.
Yeah, I figured.
Good talk!
Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.
Giddyup, Dr.
Dorkian!
When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make.