Émission TV: Black Adder - 4x5
{518}{594}Ready, march!
{840}{955}Eyes...
right!
{1068}{1161}Eyes, right!
{1409}{1460}I spy with my little eye {1463}{1550}something beginning with..."M".
{1552}{1596}Mmm...
{1600}{1627}Mmm...
{1632}{1655}Mmmm...
Mmm...
{1660}{1717}Mmmm...
{1720}{1775}Mmm...
{1779}{1807}- Mmmuh...|- Mmmuuu...
{1811}{1835}- Ya, ya!|- Mmuu...
Mmuu...
{1840}{1859}Mug!!!
{1864}{1936}Oh, I say, well done, Sir.
Your turn.
{1939}{2077}I spy with my bored little eye|something beginning with "T".
{2077}{2124}- Breakfast!|- What?
{2128}{2242}My breakfast always begins with tea,|then I have a little sausage, {2243}{2299}then a egg with some little soldiers.
{2303}{2350}Baldrick, when I said it begins with "T", {2354}{2388}I was talking about a letter.
{2392}{2451}Nah, it never begins with a letter.
{2454}{2509}The postman don't come 'til 10:30.
{2513}{2546}I can't go on with this.
{2550}{2597}- George, take over.|- All right, Sir.
{2601}{2656}Um...
I spy with my little eye {2660}{2695}something beginning with "R".
{2699}{2723}Army!
{2728}{2756}For God's sake, Baldrick!
{2760}{2786}"Army" starts with an "A".
{2791}{2840}He's looking for something|that starts with an "R".
{2844}{2867}Rrrrrrrr!
{2872}{2895}Motorbike!
{2900}{2939}What?
{2943}{3026}A motorbike starts|with a "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrm"!
{3028}{3044}All right, right, right, right.
{3049}{3068}My turn again.
{3073}{3113}What begins with "come here" {3117}{3137}and ends with "ow"?
{3142}{3154}I don't know.
{3160}{3181}Come here.
{3185}{3227}Ow!
{3231}{3266}Well done.
{3271}{3324}No, I don't think you've quite got {3327}{3369}the hang of this game,|to be honest, Sir.
{3373}{3421}I tell you what,|let's try another one.
{3425}{3507}Um...
I hear with my little ear, {3510}{3614}um, something beginning with "B".
{3615}{3643}What?
{3648}{3702}Bomb.
{3705}{3737}I can't hear a bomb.
{3742}{3779}Listen very carefully.
{3828}{3893}Ah, yes.
{3972}{3994}Finished.
{3999}{4020}Come on, then.
{4025}{4057}All right, and then you can|tell me what you think, {4061}{4075}but be honest now.
{4081}{4099}- I will!|- All right, then.
{4104}{4164}{y:i}Dear uncle H., how are you?
{4191}{4235}Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
{4239}{4279}{y:i}It's beastly rotten luck|{y:i}being laid up here, {4283}{4306}{y:i}but everyone's very nice, {4311}{4373}{y:i}and at least now I can|{y:i}write to you every day.
{4376}{4436}Oh, then I put in|a silly bit about, um...
{4439}{4458}What?
What?
{4463}{4482}No, it's, um...
{4487}{4527}Oh, come on, you can tell me.
{4532}{4630}{y:i}And the nurse is an absolute peach.
{4628}{4667}Anyway,|{y:i}After the explosion, {4671}{4702}{y:i}Captain Blackadder was marvellous.
{4706}{4738}{y:i}He joked and joked.
{4743}{4801}{y:i}'You lucky, lucky, lucky bastard!
' {4804}{4869}{y:i}he cried, then he lay on his back, {4872}{4902}{y:i}stuck his foot over|{y:i}the top of the trench {4907}{4986}{y:i}and shouted, 'Over here, Fritz!|{y:i}What about me?
' {4988}{5041}Well, Captain Blackie does indeed {5045}{5095}sound a most witty|and courageous chap.
{5099}{5147}Yes, and he's very amusing|and brave, as well, {5150}{5261}not to mention being as clever|as a chap with three heads!
{5263}{5290}Thanks ever so much.
{5294}{5322}You really are terribly kind, {5327}{5400}as well as being dash pretty, to boot.
{5403}{5493}A fluffy pillow and a big cheery smile {5495}{5543}is the least my lovely boysies deserve.
{5547}{5628}Now, you take a little trip to dozeyland.
{5630}{5652}You've got visitors coming {5657}{5716}and we don't want to be|all tired and cross, do we?
{5719}{5748}Absolutely not, no.
{5753}{5811}It'll be so jolly to see|Baldrick and the Cap' again.
{5814}{5853}They'll have been worried|sick about me, you know.
{5858}{5953}All right, where is|the malingering git?
{5954}{5997}Hello, Cap!
Pip pip, Balders!
{6001}{6025}Here I lie.
{6030}{6085}Nice to see the lieutenant|looking so well, Sir.
{6089}{6147}Of course he's looking well.|There's nothing wrong with him.
{6150}{6170}Pff!
{6175}{6243}Didn't I tell you the Captain|was a super cove!
{6246}{6273}You did!
{6278}{6337}Well, Captain,|you are indeed fortunate {6340}{6398}to have a loyal friend|like darling Georgie.
{6402}{6435}Mm, I think you might be under {6439}{6472}a slight misapprehension here, Nurse.
{6476}{6525}I lost closer friends than "darling Georgie" {6529}{6577}the last time I was deloused.
{6581}{6648}Now, if you'll excuse me,|I've got better things to do {6651}{6706}than exchange pleasantries|with a wet blanket.
{6710}{6733}Would you get out?
{6737}{6794}We've got some important|military business.
{6798}{6882}Well, 10 minutes only, then.
{6889}{6929}Right, porkface, where's the grub?
{6933}{6958}Pardon?
{6963}{7027}Come on, the moment that|collection of inbred mutants {7030}{7069}you call your relatives|heard you were sick, {7073}{7138}they'll have sent you a hamper|the size of Westminster Abbey.
{7141}{7210}My family is not inbred!
{7213}{7259}Come on, somewhere outside|Saffron-Waldon {7263}{7325}there's an uncle who's|seven feet tall with no chin {7328}{7378}and an Adam's apple|that makes him look {7382}{7442}as though he's constantly|trying to swallow a ballcock.
{7445}{7523}I have not got any uncles like that!
{7526}{7594}Anyway, he lives in Walton-on-the-Naze.
{7597}{7654}Well, exactly.
Now, where's the tuck?
{7658}{7707}Well, there were one or two things, yes.
{7710}{7745}There was, uh, a potted turkey, {7750}{7810}a cow in jelly, three tinned sheep, {7813}{7894}and, uh, 1,200 chocolates.
{7896}{7952}- But, in my weakened state...|- Yes?
{7956}{8005}- L, uh, I ate them.|- What?!
{8009}{8069}Well, Nurse Mary nibbled a trotter or two, {8072}{8119}but oh, Cap, she's such wonderful girl.
{8123}{8156}She helps me with all my letters.
{8160}{8192}She can do all the German spelling, {8197}{8229}and she's terribly good at punctuation.
{8233}{8276}I don't care if she can sing {8280}{8364}{y:i}I May Be A Tiny Chimney Sweep|{y:i}But I've Got An Enormous Brush.
{8367}{8402}Come on, Baldrick.
{8406}{8427}The only thing we're going to get {8432}{8466}for free around here is dysentery.
{8470}{8516}But, Sir, I haven't given {8520}{8564}Lieutenant George my bunch of flowers yet.
{8568}{8585}All right, hurry up, hurry up.
{8590}{8699}Here you are, Sir,|I got you these.
{8700}{8794}Unfortunately, they've had|their heads shot off.
{8796}{8830}Where others choose|to say it with flowers, {8835}{8884}Baldrick says it with stalks.
{8888}{8934}Well, Captain, I'm afraid|you'll have to leave us now.
{8937}{8959}Oh, really?
{8964}{9034}Yes, you must report|to General Melchett immediately.
{9037}{9065}Oh, great.
{9070}{9099}Yet another tempting opportunity {9103}{9138}for suicide beckons.
{9143}{9194}Gosh, I wish I could come|with you, you know, Sir.
{9197}{9278}Oh, no.
You must take care,|my brave hero.
{9281}{9318}Brave hero, Nurse?
{9322}{9343}I was more wounded {9348}{9392}the last time I clipped my toenails.
{9396}{9446}Take no notice of him.
{9450}{9488}Yes, pay no attention {9492}{9522}to the nasty man.
{9527}{9587}Look, if I can't give my brave boys {9590}{9627}a kind word and a big smile, {9631}{9653}what can I give them?
{9658}{9752}Well, one or two ideas|do suggest themselves...
{9754}{9845}but you'd probably think|they were unhygienic.
{9882}{9970}Come on, Baldrick.
{10025}{10061}Hello, what's your name?
{10066}{10180}My name is Mr.
Smith.
{10181}{10246}I'm sorry that you've|been landed opposite {10249}{10298}such a total git, Smith.
{10302}{10326}It's bad enough to be wounded {10331}{10388}without having to share|a ward with Banana-Brain.
{10391}{10448}{y:i}Danke sch�n, danke sch�n {10451}{10544}"Ich bin ganz" comfortable, old fruit.
{10546}{10597}Yes.
{10636}{10721}Enter.
{10783}{10856}Hello?
{10859}{10932}Hello?
{11325}{11387}Ahhh!
{11390}{11474}Right, spread 'em!
{11507}{11563}Right, he's clean, Sir.
{11566}{11583}Baahh!
{11588}{11625}Can anyone tell me what's going on?
{11630}{11670}Security, Blackadder.
{11674}{11694}Security?
{11699}{11793}"Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder.
{11795}{11889}"Crevice" is a dirty word,|but "security" isn't.
{11891}{11924}So, in the name of security, Sir, {11928}{11963}everyone who enters|the room has to have {11967}{12053}his bottom fondled by|this drooling pervert.
{12056}{12100}Only doing my job, Blackadder.
{12104}{12145}Oh, well, how lucky you are, then, {12149}{12198}that your job is also your hobby.
{12202}{12264}Now there's another dirty word ..."job".
{12267}{12294}Sir, is there something the matter?
{12298}{12345}You're damn right there|is something the matter...
{12349}{12403}something sinister|and something grotesque.
{12407}{12444}And what's worse is that {12448}{12510}it's going on right here|under my very nose.
{12513}{12554}Sir, your moustache is lovely.
{12558}{12627}What the general means,|Blackadder, is...
{12630}{12657}there's a leak.
{12662}{12727}Now "leak" is a positively|disgusting word.
{12730}{12790}The Germans seem to be able|to anticipate our every move.
{12794}{12828}We send up an aeroplane, {12832}{12903}there's a Jerry squadron parked|behind the nearest cloud.
{12906}{12928}We move troops to Boulogne, {12933}{12966}the Germans have bought {12970}{13014}the entire town's supply|of lavatory paper.
{13018}{13092}In short, a German spy|is giving away {13095}{13130}every one of our battle plans.
{13134}{13173}You look surprised, Blackadder.
{13177}{13209}I certainly am, Sir.
{13214}{13268}I didn't realize we "had" any battle plans.
{13271}{13317}Well, of course we have!
{13321}{13387}How else do you think|the battles are directed?
{13390}{13443}Our battles are directed, Sir?
{13447}{13478}Well, of course they are, Blackadder, {13482}{13529}directed according to the grand plan.
{13533}{13552}Would that be the plan {13557}{13592}to continue with total slaughter {13597}{13617}until everyone's dead {13622}{13661}except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig, {13665}{13727}and their tortoise, Alan?
{13730}{13762}Great Scott!
{13766}{13813}Even "you" know it!
{13817}{13878}Guard!
Guard!
Bolt all the doors!
{13882}{13948}Hammer large pieces of crooked wood|against all the the windows!
{13951}{14018}This security leak is far worse|than we'd imagined!
{14021}{14053}So you see, Blackadder, {14057}{14094}Field Marshal Haig is most anxious {14098}{14142}to eliminate all these German spies.
{14146}{14239}Filthy Hun weasels fighting|their dirty underhand war!
{14241}{14287}And, fortunately, one of our spies...
{14291}{14377}Splendid fellows, brave heroes,|risking life and limb for Blighty...
{14380}{14455}...has discovered that the leak|Is coming from the field hospital.
{14457}{14541}You think there's a German spy|in the field hospital?
{14544}{14573}I think you might be right, there.
{14577}{14671}Your job, Blackadder,|is to root this spy out.
{14673}{14693}How long do you think you'll need?
{14698}{14720}Uh...
{14725}{14772}You'll have to be away from|the trenches for some time.
{14776}{14798}Six months?
{14803}{14867}Too bad, Blackadder.|You've got three weeks.
{14870}{14921}Yes, three weeks|to smoke the bugger out!
{14925}{14965}Use any method you see fit.
{14969}{15005}Personally, I'd recommend you {15009}{15040}get hold of a cocker spaniel, {15044}{15093}tie your suspect down on a chair {15097}{15130}with a potty on his head, {15135}{15209}then pop his todger between|two flowery baps {15211}{15312}and shout, "Dinner time, Fido"!
{15331}{15364}However, if you are successful, {15369}{15413}I shall need you back here permanently {15417}{15452}to head up my new security network, {15456}{15493}{y:i}Operation Winkle.
{15497}{15578}- Winkle?|- Yes, to winkle out the spies.
{15581}{15604}You never mentioned this to me, Sir!
{15609}{15671}Well, we have to have some|secrets, don't we, Darling?
{15674}{15731}Right, well, I'll be back in three weeks.
{15734}{15761}Excellent.
{15766}{15804}And if you come back|with the information, {15808}{15845}Captain Darling will|pump you thoroughly {15849}{15916}in the debriefing room.
{15944}{16038}Not while I have my strength, he won't.
{16067}{16101}Damnation, Sir!
{16106}{16137}His insolence makes my blood boil!
{16141}{16185}What's more, I don't trust him, Sir.
{16189}{16212}I think it would be best {16217}{16251}if I went to the hospital myself {16255}{16280}to keep an eye on him.
{16285}{16349}What, spy on our own spy|as he searches for their spy?
{16352}{16373}Yes, why not?
{16378}{16393}Sounds rather fun.
{16398}{16442}You'll have to go undercover.
{16446}{16462}Oh, definitely, Sir.
{16467}{16507}You'll need some kind of wound, {16512}{16534}a convincing wound.
{16538}{16619}- Naturally, Sir.|- Yes.
{16622}{16703}Aah!!
{16705}{16753}Yes...
{16757}{16849}that looks quite convincing.
{16880}{16920}Right, pack me a toothbrush, Baldrick, {16924}{16949}we're going on holiday.
{16954}{16984}Hurray!
Where to?
{16988}{17008}Hospital.
{17013}{17063}Oh, no, I hate "hostipals."
{17067}{17121}My grandfather went into one, {17125}{17196}and when he come out, he was dead.
{17198}{17263}He was also dead when|he went in, Baldrick.
{17267}{17308}He'd been run over|by a traction engine.
{17312}{17361}I don't like them doctors.
{17364}{17428}If they start poking around inside me...
{17432}{17463}Baldrick, why would anyone wish {17467}{17499}to poke around inside you?
{17504}{17558}They might find me interesting.
{17561}{17698}I find the Great Northern and|Metropolitan sewage system interesting, {17698}{17739}but that doesn't mean that|I want to put on some rubber gloves {17743}{17812}and pull things out of it|with a pair of tweezers.
{17815}{17856}Still, I tell you what, Sir, {17861}{17921}you might have a chance to get to know {17924}{17986}that pretty nurse.
{17989}{18018}No, thank you, Baldrick.
{18023}{18094}She's as wet as a fish's wet bits.
{18097}{18159}I'd rather get to know you.
{18162}{18199}I'm not available, Sir.
{18203}{18282}I'm waiting for Miss Right to come along {18285}{18336}and gather me up in her arms.
{18339}{18368}Yes, I wouldn't be too hopeful.
{18373}{18436}We'd have to get her arms out|of a straitjacket first.
{18439}{18496}Now get packing!
{18500}{18547}So very interesting!
{18550}{18603}Please do continue, old bean.
{18607}{18651}Right, then I go on to say, {18655}{18720}{y:i}The orders came through|{y:i}for us to advance {18723}{18771}{y:i}at 0800 hours|{y:i}in a pincer movement.
{18775}{18799}Gosh, how exciting!
{18804}{18841}Yes, well, hmm...
{18845}{18869}Afternoon, George.
{18874}{18899}Ah, hello, Cap!
{18903}{18928}Ah, Captain.
{18933}{18999}I hope you're going to conduct yourself|with a little more decorum this time.
{19002}{19049}No, I am going to conduct myself|with "no" decorum.
{19053}{19072}Shove off!
{19077}{19128}Oh!
{19132}{19192}Ah, "jawohl, Herr Kapit�n" {19195}{19234}So, Cap, what's going on?
{19238}{19299}Well, there's a German spy|in the hospital, {19303}{19342}and it's my job to find him.
{19346}{19370}A Ger...
?
{19375}{19405}Well, snakes alive!
{19409}{19442}Exciting stuff, eh?
{19447}{19470}Wait a minute!
{19474}{19501}I think I might have a plan already.
{19506}{19534}What is it?
{19539}{19563}Have a look through the list of patients {19567}{19595}and see if there's anyone here {19600}{19677}whose name begins with "Von."
{19684}{19710}Well, it's almost bound to be your bloke!
{19714}{19778}I think we may find that|he's using a false name.
{19781}{19801}Oh, crikey.
{19806}{19851}Well, that's hardly fair, now, is it?
{19855}{19939}I, too, have a cunning plan|to catch the spy, Sir.
{19942}{19982}Do you, Baldrick, do you?
{19986}{20061}You go round the hostipal|and ask everyone, {20063}{20160}{y:i}Are you a German spy?
{20162}{20193}Yes, I must say, Baldrick, {20198}{20243}I appreciate your involvement|on the creative side.
{20247}{20281}If it was me, I'd own up.
{20285}{20305}Of course you would.
{20310}{20341}But, sadly, the enemy have not added {20346}{20392}to the German Army entrance form|the requirement, {20395}{20477}{y:i}Must have intellectual capacity|{y:i}of a boiled potato.
{20480}{20570}- Now, Baldrick, see that man over there?|- Yeah.
{20572}{20620}I want you to stick to him like a limpet.
{20624}{20663}Make sure he doesn't leave the hospital.
{20667}{20734}Yes, Sir.
{20751}{20780}Hello, Darling.|What are you doing here?
{20785}{20834}Bullet in the foot.
{20838}{20882}Well, I can understand|people at the front {20886}{20919}trying to shoot themselves in the foot, {20923}{20968}but when you're 35 miles|behind the line...
{20972}{21023}I did not shoot myself.
{21027}{21074}The General did it.
{21078}{21114}Finally got fed up with you, did he?
{21118}{21149}No, it was a mistake.
{21153}{21195}Oh, he was aiming for your head.
{21199}{21241}He wasn't aiming for anything.
{21246}{21298}Oh, so he was going|for between your legs, then.
{21301}{21337}Very funny, Blackadder.
{21341}{21369}You'll be laughing|on the other side of your face {21374}{21403}if you don't find this spy.
{21408}{21433}Don't you worry, Darling.
{21437}{21491}I intend to start interviewing|suspects immediately.
{21495}{21577}This is completely ridiculous,|Blackadder!
{21579}{21625}You can't suspect me.|I've only just arrived.
{21629}{21682}The first rule|of counterespionage, Darling, {21686}{21707}is to suspect everyone.
{21712}{21753}Believe me, I shall be asking myself {21757}{21804}some pretty searching questions later.
{21808}{21861}Now, tell me, what is the color {21864}{21897}of the Queen of England's favorite hat?
{21902}{21947}How the hell should I know?
{21951}{21971}I see.
{21976}{22049}Well, let me ask you another question.
{22051}{22105}What is the name|of the German head of state?
{22109}{22146}Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
{22150}{22214}So, you're on first name terms|with the Kaiser, are you?
{22217}{22269}Well, what did you expect me to say?
{22273}{22346}Darling, Darling, shhh...
{22349}{22383}Cigarette?
{22387}{22459}Thank you.
{22576}{22621}All right you, stinking piece of crap!
{22625}{22664}I beg your pardon?
{22668}{22689}Shut your cakehole!
{22694}{22713}Tell me, von Darling, {22718}{22751}what finally won you over, eh?
{22756}{22784}Was it the pumpernickel, {22788}{22823}or was it the thought of hanging around {22828}{22853}with big men in leather shorts?
{22857}{22931}I'll have you court-martialed|for this, Blackadder!
{22934}{22961}What, for obeying the general's orders?
{22966}{22994}That may be what you do in Munich, {22998}{23032}or should I say Munchen?
{23037}{23065}But not here, Werner!
{23069}{23110}You're a filthy Hun spy, aren't you?
{23115}{23163}Baldrick, the cocker spaniel, please!
{23166}{23190}No!
No!
No!
{23195}{23250}Wait!
No, look, I'm English!
{23254}{23280}I was born in Croydon!
{23284}{23358}I was educated at|lpplethorpe Primary School!
{23361}{23394}I've got a girlfriend called Doris!
{23399}{23457}I know the words to all three verses|of "God Save the King"!
{23460}{23493}- Four verses.|- Four verses!
{23497}{23523}I meant four verses!
{23528}{23593}Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
{23596}{23648}So your father's German,|you're half-German, {23652}{23691}and you married a German?
{23695}{23736}No!
No!
{23740}{23809}Look, for God's sake,|I'm not a German spy!
{23812}{23840}Good.
Thanks very much.
{23845}{23901}Send in the next man, would you?
{23904}{23951}What is all this noise about?
{23955}{24036}Don't you realize this is a hospital?
{24039}{24072}You'll regret this, Blackadder.
{24076}{24145}You'd better find the real spy {24148}{24193}or I'll make it very hard for you.
{24197}{24283}Please, Darling, there are ladies present.
{24508}{24543}Well, well, Captain Blackadder, {24547}{24600}this is an unexpected pleasure.
{24604}{24622}What?
{24627}{24667}Nice to have you back with us.
{24671}{24743}A spy-catcher, eh?
Huh!
{24746}{24790}That silly kid George was right.
{24794}{24840}You are a bally hero.
{24844}{24868}Wait a minute.
{24872}{24918}I thought you liked George.
{24922}{24982}That's just my bedside manner.
{24986}{25040}What I call my "fluffy bunny act."
{25043}{25079}So you're not a drip after all.
{25083}{25110}Oh, no.
{25115}{25189}So, Mr.
Spy-Catcher, how's it going?
{25192}{25228}Well, not much luck so far.
{25232}{25275}I think he might be as difficult to find {25279}{25352}as a piece of hay in|a massive stack full of needles.
{25355}{25423}So you're going to be around|for quite a while, then.
{25426}{25464}Looks like it.
{25468}{25547}Good, because, uh...
{25550}{25660}it can get pretty lonely|'round here, you know.
{25661}{25730}God, it's nice to have|someone healthy to talk to!
{25733}{25804}- Cigarette?|- No, thank you.
{25807}{25854}I only smoke cigarettes|after making love.
{25858}{25989}So, back in England,|I'm a 20-a-day man.
{26127}{26160}A man should smoke.
{26165}{26217}It acts as an expectorant {26220}{26304}and gives his voice a deep,|gravely, masculine tone.
{26307}{26353}God, I love nurses.
{26357}{26421}They're so disgustingly clinical!
{26424}{26488}Tell me, Captain Blackadder...
{26491}{26527}Edmund.
{26531}{26574}Edmund, {26578}{26624}when this war is over, do you think {26628}{26672}we might get to know|each other a little better?
{26676}{26700}Yes, why not?
{26705}{26734}When this madness is finished, {26738}{26774}perhaps we could go cycling together, {26779}{26844}take a trip down to|the Old Swan at Henley {26847}{26871}and go for a walk in the woods.
{26876}{27012}Yes, or we could just do it|right now on the desk.
{27060}{27165}Yeah, okay.
{27190}{27222}Ah, Baldrick.
{27227}{27275}Have you seen Nurse Mary?|I need someone to post this letter.
{27279}{27335}She's in her office with the Captain, Sir.
{27338}{27358}Ah, poor girl, {27363}{27431}tied to her desk, day and night.
{27434}{27464}Ah, Cap!
{27469}{27511}I hear you've been seeing|a lot of Nurse Mary.
{27515}{27563}Yes, almost all of her, in fact.
{27567}{27598}How is she, Sir?
{27602}{27664}Unbelievable!
{27685}{27715}What I really want to know is, {27719}{27764}are you any closer to finding the spy?
{27768}{27831}Yes, I think I'm getting there, George.
{27834}{27871}Everything all right, Smith?
{27875}{27928}Oh, "ja", excellent, excellent.
{27932}{27998}Jolly good.
{28001}{28054}Smithy, you haven't seen {28058}{28102}any suspicious characters|hanging around, have you, {28106}{28135}who might be German spies?
{28139}{28171}{y:i}Nein {28176}{28214}Nine?!
{28218}{28373}Well, the Cap's got|his work cut out, then.
{28368}{28409}Tell me, Edmund, {28413}{28462}do you have someone special in your life?
{28466}{28520}Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
{28523}{28569}- Who?|- Me.
{28573}{28680}No, I mean someone|you love and cherish {28681}{28724}and want to keep safe {28728}{28770}from all the horror and the hurt.
{28774}{28828}Um...
still me, really.
{28832}{28933}No, but back home, in England, {28935}{28990}there must be someone waiting, {28993}{29018}some sweetheart.
{29023}{29081}Oh, a girl.
Nah.
{29084}{29158}I've always been a soldier,|married to the Army.
{29161}{29234}The Book of King's Regulations|is my mistress, {29237}{29289}possibly with a Harrod's|lingerie catalogue {29293}{29345}discreetly tucked between the pages.
{29348}{29398}And no casual girlfriends?
{29402}{29461}Skirt?
Hah!
{29464}{29483}If only...
{29488}{29516}When I joined up, {29521}{29555}we were still fighting colonial wars.
{29559}{29612}If you saw someone in a skirt, {29616}{29679}you shot him and nicked his country.
{29682}{29735}What about you?|Have you got a man?
{29739}{29800}Some fine fellow in|an English country village?
{29803}{29832}A vicar, maybe?
{29837}{29970}Quiet, gentle, hung like a baboon.
{30020}{30069}There was a man I cared for a little.
{30073}{30108}Wonderful chap...
{30112}{30165}strong, athletic...
{30169}{30188}What happened to him?
{30193}{30237}He bought it.
{30241}{30273}I'm so sorry.
{30277}{30335}I didn't realize that|that was the arrangement.
{30338}{30380}Um, so what's it been?
{30384}{30454}Uh, 1 2 nights and, let's say,|9 afternoons.
{30457}{30483}How much is...
{30488}{30531}I mean he died.
{30535}{30573}Oh, I'm sorry.
{30577}{30663}He was test-driving one|of those new tank contraptions, {30666}{30692}and the bloody thing blew up.
{30696}{30732}What a waste.
{30737}{30787}God, I hope they've scrapped the lot.
{30790}{30831}Ha!
Fat chance.
{30835}{30932}They're going to use|40 of them next week at, oh...
{30934}{30953}Sorry, I mustn't talk about that.
{30958}{30994}You never know|who might be listening.
{30999}{31053}No, of course.
{31056}{31134}Oh, God, I miss him so much.
{31137}{31172}He was such a wonderful chap.
{31176}{31211}Clever too, I expect.
{31215}{31239}Brilliant.
{31244}{31294}Went to one of the great|universities, I suppose...
{31298}{31340}Oxford...
Cambridge...
{31344}{31393}Hull...
{31397}{31464}Mmm.
{31461}{31508}But why are we making small talk {31512}{31547}when we could be making big love?
{31551}{31579}Good point.
{31584}{31626}This could be our last chance.
{31630}{31655}My three weeks are up.
{31660}{31718}I'm going back to staff HQ tomorrow.
{31721}{31760}Look, why don't you come with me?
{31764}{31782}It could be fun.
{31787}{31814}We could have supper or something.
{31819}{31880}How about something first,|then supper?
{31883}{31962}Good idea!
{32008}{32047}Ah, hello, Blackadder.
{32051}{32077}Good morning, Sir.
{32082}{32123}Uh, may I introduce|Nurse Fletcher-Brown.
{32127}{32195}She's been very supportive|during my work at the hospital.
{32198}{32235}How do you do, young lady?
{32279}{32342}Do sit down.
{32346}{32408}So, any news|of the spy, Blackadder?
{32411}{32449}- Yes, Sir.|- Excellent.
{32453}{32498}The Germans seem|to know every move we make!
{32502}{32546}I had a letter from Jerry yesterday.
{32550}{32602}It said, "Isn't it about time {32606}{32685}"you changed your shirts, Walrus-Face"?
{32687}{32730}So, do you have any ideas|who it might be, young lady?
{32734}{32782}Well, Sir, I'm only a humble nurse, {32786}{32833}but I did at one point think it might be...
{32837}{32866}Captain Darling.
{32870}{32915}Well, bugger me with a fish fork!
{32919}{33000}Old Darling, a Jerry Morse-tapper?
{33003}{33047}What on earth made you suspect him?
{33051}{33097}Well, he poo-pooed the Captain here {33101}{33149}and said that he'd never find the spy.
{33153}{33187}Is this true, Blackadder?
{33191}{33235}Did captain Darling poo-poo you?
{33239}{33284}Well, perhaps a little.
{33288}{33344}Damn it all, what more evidence|do you need?
{33347}{33402}The poo-pooing alone|is a court-martial offence!
{33406}{33431}I can assure you, Sir, {33436}{33478}that the poo-pooing|was purely circumstantial.
{33482}{33523}Well, I hope so, Blackadder.
{33527}{33578}You know, if there's one thing {33581}{33612}I've learned from being in the Army, {33617}{33664}it's never ignore a poo-poo.
{33668}{33730}I knew a major, got poo-pooed...
{33733}{33783}made the mistake|of ignoring the poo-poo.
{33787}{33810}He poo-pooed it.
{33815}{33890}Fatal error, because|it turned out all along {33892}{33918}that the soldier who pooh-pooed him {33923}{33954}had been poo-pooing|a lot of other officers {33958}{34008}who poo-pooed their poo-poos.
{34012}{34059}In the end, we had|to disband the regiment, {34063}{34114}morale totally destroyed...
{34118}{34171}by poo-poo!
{34174}{34209}Yes, I think we may be {34214}{34243}drifting slightly from the point here, Sir, {34247}{34281}which is that, unfortunately, {34286}{34314}and to my lasting regret, {34318}{34362}Captain Darling is not the spy.
{34366}{34404}Oh?
And then who the hell is?
{34408}{34446}Well, Sir, there is a man in the hospital {34451}{34481}with a pronounced limp {34485}{34520}and a very strong German accent.
{34525}{34577}It must be him...
it's obvious.
{34580}{34601}Obvious, but wrong.
{34606}{34625}It's not him.
{34630}{34649}And why not?
{34654}{34688}Because, Sir, not even|the Germans would be {34692}{34723}stupid enough to field a spy {34728}{34770}with a strong German accent.
{34774}{34801}Well then, who is it?
{34806}{34852}Well, it's perfectly simple.
{34856}{34888}It's you.
{34892}{34928}Edmund!
{34932}{34947}Baldrick!
{34953}{34986}Explain yourself, Blackadder, {34990}{35054}before I have you shot|for being rude to a lady.
{35057}{35107}Well, Sir, the first seeds|of suspicion were sown {35111}{35159}When Lieutenant George unwittingly {35163}{35197}revealed that she spoke German.
{35201}{35259}Do you deny,|Nurse Fletcher-Brown...
{35262}{35326}or should I say|Nurse Fleischer-Baum?
...
{35330}{35380}that you helped Lieutenant George {35383}{35417}with the German words in his letters?
{35422}{35447}No, I did, but...
{35451}{35491}my suspicions were confirmed|when she probed me {35496}{35534}expertly about tank movements.
{35538}{35566}Oh, Edmund, how could you, {35570}{35596}after all we've been through?
{35601}{35633}And then the final, irrefutable proof.
{35638}{35681}Remember you mentioned|a clever boyfriend?
{35685}{35706}Yes.
{35710}{35771}I then leapt on|the opportunity to test you.
{35775}{35828}I asked if he'd been to|one of the great universities...
{35831}{35873}Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull.
{35877}{35898}You failed to spot {35903}{35972}that only two of those|are great universities.
{35975}{35997}You swine!
{36002}{36108}That's right, Oxford's a complete dump!
{36141}{36164}Well, quite.
{36169}{36210}No true Englishwoman {36214}{36244}could have fallen into that trap.
{36249}{36284}Oh, Edmund, I thought there was {36288}{36317}something beautiful between us.
{36322}{36352}I thought you...
{36356}{36396}Ioved me.
{36400}{36424}Nah.
{36429}{36479}Take her away, Baldrick.
{36483}{36521}Raus!
Raus!
{36525}{36559}Well, good work, Blackadder.
{36563}{36684}Now I'd better go|assemble a firing squad.
{36718}{36807}Watch out, Sir!
{36820}{36871}Darling, what on earth do|you think you're doing?
{36874}{36916}I'll tell you exactly|what I am doing, Sir.
{36920}{36947}I'm doing what Blackadder {36952}{36996}should have done|three weeks ago, Sir.
{37000}{37049}This is the guilty man!
{37053}{37087}Darling, you're hysterical.
{37091}{37104}No, Sir!
{37109}{37187}No, I'm not, Sir!|I'll ask him outright, are you a spy?
{37190}{37235}Yes, I am a spy!
{37239}{37264}You see, Sir?!
{37269}{37312}Well, of course he's a spy, Darling...
{37316}{37343}A British spy!
{37347}{37428}This is Brigadier|Sir Bernard Proudfoot-Smith, {37431}{37507}the finest spy in the British Army!
{37531}{37573}B-but he can't be, Sir, {37577}{37620}He...
he doesn't even sound British.
{37624}{37667}Unfortunately, I have been working {37671}{37741}undercover in Germany|for so long that I have {37744}{37790}picked up a teensy-weensy bit {37793}{37824}of an accent.
{37829}{37899}This, Darling, is the man|who told us that there was {37902}{37942}a German spy in the hospital|in the first place.
{37946}{37984}Ah.
{37988}{38009}Right, well, {38014}{38039}that's that, then.
{38044}{38072}- Blackadder.|- Yes, Sir?
{38077}{38137}You are now head of Operation Winkle.
{38140}{38182}- Thank you, Sir.|- Darling.
{38186}{38206}Yes, Sir?
{38211}{38249}You are a complete arse.
{38253}{38296}Thank you, Sir.
{38300}{38358}Right, Bernard, let's go|and watch the firing squad.
{38362}{38413}{y:i}Jawohl, mein General!
{38416}{38466}Sir, what the devil is going on?
{38470}{38517}I've just seen Nurse Mary {38521}{38551}being led away to a firing squad!
{38555}{38583}Nurse Mary is the spy, George.
{38588}{38646}- What?
Lmpossible!|- Afraid so.
{38649}{38704}Well, cover me with eggs and flour {38708}{38758}and bake me for 14 minutes.
{38762}{38798}Who'd have thought it, eh?
{38802}{38887}Nurse Mary,|a Bosche nose-poker-inner!
{38889}{38919}Oh well, lots of exciting stuff to put in {38924}{38999}my next letter to my|Uncle Herman in Munich.
{39001}{39039}Sorry?
{39044}{39104}Those letters I've been|writing in hospital to my German uncle.
{39107}{39150}New information, Blackadder?
{39154}{39176}George.
{39181}{39218}Oh, yes, well, I know there's a war on, {39222}{39252}but family is family {39257}{39309}and old Uncle Hermie does so love {39312}{39344}to be kept abreast of what's going on.
{39349}{39374}I even wrote and told him about {39379}{39448}old Walrus-Face Melchett|and his smelly old shirts!
{39451}{39539}Would you like me to tell|this one to the General, {39541}{39657}or would you enjoy that|very special moment?
{40012}{40212}Ripped with SubRip 1.10 and Verified by CdinT|(Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net) {40205}{40344}I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it!
:D
{840}{955}Eyes...
right!
{1068}{1161}Eyes, right!
{1409}{1460}I spy with my little eye {1463}{1550}something beginning with..."M".
{1552}{1596}Mmm...
{1600}{1627}Mmm...
{1632}{1655}Mmmm...
Mmm...
{1660}{1717}Mmmm...
{1720}{1775}Mmm...
{1779}{1807}- Mmmuh...|- Mmmuuu...
{1811}{1835}- Ya, ya!|- Mmuu...
Mmuu...
{1840}{1859}Mug!!!
{1864}{1936}Oh, I say, well done, Sir.
Your turn.
{1939}{2077}I spy with my bored little eye|something beginning with "T".
{2077}{2124}- Breakfast!|- What?
{2128}{2242}My breakfast always begins with tea,|then I have a little sausage, {2243}{2299}then a egg with some little soldiers.
{2303}{2350}Baldrick, when I said it begins with "T", {2354}{2388}I was talking about a letter.
{2392}{2451}Nah, it never begins with a letter.
{2454}{2509}The postman don't come 'til 10:30.
{2513}{2546}I can't go on with this.
{2550}{2597}- George, take over.|- All right, Sir.
{2601}{2656}Um...
I spy with my little eye {2660}{2695}something beginning with "R".
{2699}{2723}Army!
{2728}{2756}For God's sake, Baldrick!
{2760}{2786}"Army" starts with an "A".
{2791}{2840}He's looking for something|that starts with an "R".
{2844}{2867}Rrrrrrrr!
{2872}{2895}Motorbike!
{2900}{2939}What?
{2943}{3026}A motorbike starts|with a "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrm"!
{3028}{3044}All right, right, right, right.
{3049}{3068}My turn again.
{3073}{3113}What begins with "come here" {3117}{3137}and ends with "ow"?
{3142}{3154}I don't know.
{3160}{3181}Come here.
{3185}{3227}Ow!
{3231}{3266}Well done.
{3271}{3324}No, I don't think you've quite got {3327}{3369}the hang of this game,|to be honest, Sir.
{3373}{3421}I tell you what,|let's try another one.
{3425}{3507}Um...
I hear with my little ear, {3510}{3614}um, something beginning with "B".
{3615}{3643}What?
{3648}{3702}Bomb.
{3705}{3737}I can't hear a bomb.
{3742}{3779}Listen very carefully.
{3828}{3893}Ah, yes.
{3972}{3994}Finished.
{3999}{4020}Come on, then.
{4025}{4057}All right, and then you can|tell me what you think, {4061}{4075}but be honest now.
{4081}{4099}- I will!|- All right, then.
{4104}{4164}{y:i}Dear uncle H., how are you?
{4191}{4235}Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
{4239}{4279}{y:i}It's beastly rotten luck|{y:i}being laid up here, {4283}{4306}{y:i}but everyone's very nice, {4311}{4373}{y:i}and at least now I can|{y:i}write to you every day.
{4376}{4436}Oh, then I put in|a silly bit about, um...
{4439}{4458}What?
What?
{4463}{4482}No, it's, um...
{4487}{4527}Oh, come on, you can tell me.
{4532}{4630}{y:i}And the nurse is an absolute peach.
{4628}{4667}Anyway,|{y:i}After the explosion, {4671}{4702}{y:i}Captain Blackadder was marvellous.
{4706}{4738}{y:i}He joked and joked.
{4743}{4801}{y:i}'You lucky, lucky, lucky bastard!
' {4804}{4869}{y:i}he cried, then he lay on his back, {4872}{4902}{y:i}stuck his foot over|{y:i}the top of the trench {4907}{4986}{y:i}and shouted, 'Over here, Fritz!|{y:i}What about me?
' {4988}{5041}Well, Captain Blackie does indeed {5045}{5095}sound a most witty|and courageous chap.
{5099}{5147}Yes, and he's very amusing|and brave, as well, {5150}{5261}not to mention being as clever|as a chap with three heads!
{5263}{5290}Thanks ever so much.
{5294}{5322}You really are terribly kind, {5327}{5400}as well as being dash pretty, to boot.
{5403}{5493}A fluffy pillow and a big cheery smile {5495}{5543}is the least my lovely boysies deserve.
{5547}{5628}Now, you take a little trip to dozeyland.
{5630}{5652}You've got visitors coming {5657}{5716}and we don't want to be|all tired and cross, do we?
{5719}{5748}Absolutely not, no.
{5753}{5811}It'll be so jolly to see|Baldrick and the Cap' again.
{5814}{5853}They'll have been worried|sick about me, you know.
{5858}{5953}All right, where is|the malingering git?
{5954}{5997}Hello, Cap!
Pip pip, Balders!
{6001}{6025}Here I lie.
{6030}{6085}Nice to see the lieutenant|looking so well, Sir.
{6089}{6147}Of course he's looking well.|There's nothing wrong with him.
{6150}{6170}Pff!
{6175}{6243}Didn't I tell you the Captain|was a super cove!
{6246}{6273}You did!
{6278}{6337}Well, Captain,|you are indeed fortunate {6340}{6398}to have a loyal friend|like darling Georgie.
{6402}{6435}Mm, I think you might be under {6439}{6472}a slight misapprehension here, Nurse.
{6476}{6525}I lost closer friends than "darling Georgie" {6529}{6577}the last time I was deloused.
{6581}{6648}Now, if you'll excuse me,|I've got better things to do {6651}{6706}than exchange pleasantries|with a wet blanket.
{6710}{6733}Would you get out?
{6737}{6794}We've got some important|military business.
{6798}{6882}Well, 10 minutes only, then.
{6889}{6929}Right, porkface, where's the grub?
{6933}{6958}Pardon?
{6963}{7027}Come on, the moment that|collection of inbred mutants {7030}{7069}you call your relatives|heard you were sick, {7073}{7138}they'll have sent you a hamper|the size of Westminster Abbey.
{7141}{7210}My family is not inbred!
{7213}{7259}Come on, somewhere outside|Saffron-Waldon {7263}{7325}there's an uncle who's|seven feet tall with no chin {7328}{7378}and an Adam's apple|that makes him look {7382}{7442}as though he's constantly|trying to swallow a ballcock.
{7445}{7523}I have not got any uncles like that!
{7526}{7594}Anyway, he lives in Walton-on-the-Naze.
{7597}{7654}Well, exactly.
Now, where's the tuck?
{7658}{7707}Well, there were one or two things, yes.
{7710}{7745}There was, uh, a potted turkey, {7750}{7810}a cow in jelly, three tinned sheep, {7813}{7894}and, uh, 1,200 chocolates.
{7896}{7952}- But, in my weakened state...|- Yes?
{7956}{8005}- L, uh, I ate them.|- What?!
{8009}{8069}Well, Nurse Mary nibbled a trotter or two, {8072}{8119}but oh, Cap, she's such wonderful girl.
{8123}{8156}She helps me with all my letters.
{8160}{8192}She can do all the German spelling, {8197}{8229}and she's terribly good at punctuation.
{8233}{8276}I don't care if she can sing {8280}{8364}{y:i}I May Be A Tiny Chimney Sweep|{y:i}But I've Got An Enormous Brush.
{8367}{8402}Come on, Baldrick.
{8406}{8427}The only thing we're going to get {8432}{8466}for free around here is dysentery.
{8470}{8516}But, Sir, I haven't given {8520}{8564}Lieutenant George my bunch of flowers yet.
{8568}{8585}All right, hurry up, hurry up.
{8590}{8699}Here you are, Sir,|I got you these.
{8700}{8794}Unfortunately, they've had|their heads shot off.
{8796}{8830}Where others choose|to say it with flowers, {8835}{8884}Baldrick says it with stalks.
{8888}{8934}Well, Captain, I'm afraid|you'll have to leave us now.
{8937}{8959}Oh, really?
{8964}{9034}Yes, you must report|to General Melchett immediately.
{9037}{9065}Oh, great.
{9070}{9099}Yet another tempting opportunity {9103}{9138}for suicide beckons.
{9143}{9194}Gosh, I wish I could come|with you, you know, Sir.
{9197}{9278}Oh, no.
You must take care,|my brave hero.
{9281}{9318}Brave hero, Nurse?
{9322}{9343}I was more wounded {9348}{9392}the last time I clipped my toenails.
{9396}{9446}Take no notice of him.
{9450}{9488}Yes, pay no attention {9492}{9522}to the nasty man.
{9527}{9587}Look, if I can't give my brave boys {9590}{9627}a kind word and a big smile, {9631}{9653}what can I give them?
{9658}{9752}Well, one or two ideas|do suggest themselves...
{9754}{9845}but you'd probably think|they were unhygienic.
{9882}{9970}Come on, Baldrick.
{10025}{10061}Hello, what's your name?
{10066}{10180}My name is Mr.
Smith.
{10181}{10246}I'm sorry that you've|been landed opposite {10249}{10298}such a total git, Smith.
{10302}{10326}It's bad enough to be wounded {10331}{10388}without having to share|a ward with Banana-Brain.
{10391}{10448}{y:i}Danke sch�n, danke sch�n {10451}{10544}"Ich bin ganz" comfortable, old fruit.
{10546}{10597}Yes.
{10636}{10721}Enter.
{10783}{10856}Hello?
{10859}{10932}Hello?
{11325}{11387}Ahhh!
{11390}{11474}Right, spread 'em!
{11507}{11563}Right, he's clean, Sir.
{11566}{11583}Baahh!
{11588}{11625}Can anyone tell me what's going on?
{11630}{11670}Security, Blackadder.
{11674}{11694}Security?
{11699}{11793}"Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder.
{11795}{11889}"Crevice" is a dirty word,|but "security" isn't.
{11891}{11924}So, in the name of security, Sir, {11928}{11963}everyone who enters|the room has to have {11967}{12053}his bottom fondled by|this drooling pervert.
{12056}{12100}Only doing my job, Blackadder.
{12104}{12145}Oh, well, how lucky you are, then, {12149}{12198}that your job is also your hobby.
{12202}{12264}Now there's another dirty word ..."job".
{12267}{12294}Sir, is there something the matter?
{12298}{12345}You're damn right there|is something the matter...
{12349}{12403}something sinister|and something grotesque.
{12407}{12444}And what's worse is that {12448}{12510}it's going on right here|under my very nose.
{12513}{12554}Sir, your moustache is lovely.
{12558}{12627}What the general means,|Blackadder, is...
{12630}{12657}there's a leak.
{12662}{12727}Now "leak" is a positively|disgusting word.
{12730}{12790}The Germans seem to be able|to anticipate our every move.
{12794}{12828}We send up an aeroplane, {12832}{12903}there's a Jerry squadron parked|behind the nearest cloud.
{12906}{12928}We move troops to Boulogne, {12933}{12966}the Germans have bought {12970}{13014}the entire town's supply|of lavatory paper.
{13018}{13092}In short, a German spy|is giving away {13095}{13130}every one of our battle plans.
{13134}{13173}You look surprised, Blackadder.
{13177}{13209}I certainly am, Sir.
{13214}{13268}I didn't realize we "had" any battle plans.
{13271}{13317}Well, of course we have!
{13321}{13387}How else do you think|the battles are directed?
{13390}{13443}Our battles are directed, Sir?
{13447}{13478}Well, of course they are, Blackadder, {13482}{13529}directed according to the grand plan.
{13533}{13552}Would that be the plan {13557}{13592}to continue with total slaughter {13597}{13617}until everyone's dead {13622}{13661}except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig, {13665}{13727}and their tortoise, Alan?
{13730}{13762}Great Scott!
{13766}{13813}Even "you" know it!
{13817}{13878}Guard!
Guard!
Bolt all the doors!
{13882}{13948}Hammer large pieces of crooked wood|against all the the windows!
{13951}{14018}This security leak is far worse|than we'd imagined!
{14021}{14053}So you see, Blackadder, {14057}{14094}Field Marshal Haig is most anxious {14098}{14142}to eliminate all these German spies.
{14146}{14239}Filthy Hun weasels fighting|their dirty underhand war!
{14241}{14287}And, fortunately, one of our spies...
{14291}{14377}Splendid fellows, brave heroes,|risking life and limb for Blighty...
{14380}{14455}...has discovered that the leak|Is coming from the field hospital.
{14457}{14541}You think there's a German spy|in the field hospital?
{14544}{14573}I think you might be right, there.
{14577}{14671}Your job, Blackadder,|is to root this spy out.
{14673}{14693}How long do you think you'll need?
{14698}{14720}Uh...
{14725}{14772}You'll have to be away from|the trenches for some time.
{14776}{14798}Six months?
{14803}{14867}Too bad, Blackadder.|You've got three weeks.
{14870}{14921}Yes, three weeks|to smoke the bugger out!
{14925}{14965}Use any method you see fit.
{14969}{15005}Personally, I'd recommend you {15009}{15040}get hold of a cocker spaniel, {15044}{15093}tie your suspect down on a chair {15097}{15130}with a potty on his head, {15135}{15209}then pop his todger between|two flowery baps {15211}{15312}and shout, "Dinner time, Fido"!
{15331}{15364}However, if you are successful, {15369}{15413}I shall need you back here permanently {15417}{15452}to head up my new security network, {15456}{15493}{y:i}Operation Winkle.
{15497}{15578}- Winkle?|- Yes, to winkle out the spies.
{15581}{15604}You never mentioned this to me, Sir!
{15609}{15671}Well, we have to have some|secrets, don't we, Darling?
{15674}{15731}Right, well, I'll be back in three weeks.
{15734}{15761}Excellent.
{15766}{15804}And if you come back|with the information, {15808}{15845}Captain Darling will|pump you thoroughly {15849}{15916}in the debriefing room.
{15944}{16038}Not while I have my strength, he won't.
{16067}{16101}Damnation, Sir!
{16106}{16137}His insolence makes my blood boil!
{16141}{16185}What's more, I don't trust him, Sir.
{16189}{16212}I think it would be best {16217}{16251}if I went to the hospital myself {16255}{16280}to keep an eye on him.
{16285}{16349}What, spy on our own spy|as he searches for their spy?
{16352}{16373}Yes, why not?
{16378}{16393}Sounds rather fun.
{16398}{16442}You'll have to go undercover.
{16446}{16462}Oh, definitely, Sir.
{16467}{16507}You'll need some kind of wound, {16512}{16534}a convincing wound.
{16538}{16619}- Naturally, Sir.|- Yes.
{16622}{16703}Aah!!
{16705}{16753}Yes...
{16757}{16849}that looks quite convincing.
{16880}{16920}Right, pack me a toothbrush, Baldrick, {16924}{16949}we're going on holiday.
{16954}{16984}Hurray!
Where to?
{16988}{17008}Hospital.
{17013}{17063}Oh, no, I hate "hostipals."
{17067}{17121}My grandfather went into one, {17125}{17196}and when he come out, he was dead.
{17198}{17263}He was also dead when|he went in, Baldrick.
{17267}{17308}He'd been run over|by a traction engine.
{17312}{17361}I don't like them doctors.
{17364}{17428}If they start poking around inside me...
{17432}{17463}Baldrick, why would anyone wish {17467}{17499}to poke around inside you?
{17504}{17558}They might find me interesting.
{17561}{17698}I find the Great Northern and|Metropolitan sewage system interesting, {17698}{17739}but that doesn't mean that|I want to put on some rubber gloves {17743}{17812}and pull things out of it|with a pair of tweezers.
{17815}{17856}Still, I tell you what, Sir, {17861}{17921}you might have a chance to get to know {17924}{17986}that pretty nurse.
{17989}{18018}No, thank you, Baldrick.
{18023}{18094}She's as wet as a fish's wet bits.
{18097}{18159}I'd rather get to know you.
{18162}{18199}I'm not available, Sir.
{18203}{18282}I'm waiting for Miss Right to come along {18285}{18336}and gather me up in her arms.
{18339}{18368}Yes, I wouldn't be too hopeful.
{18373}{18436}We'd have to get her arms out|of a straitjacket first.
{18439}{18496}Now get packing!
{18500}{18547}So very interesting!
{18550}{18603}Please do continue, old bean.
{18607}{18651}Right, then I go on to say, {18655}{18720}{y:i}The orders came through|{y:i}for us to advance {18723}{18771}{y:i}at 0800 hours|{y:i}in a pincer movement.
{18775}{18799}Gosh, how exciting!
{18804}{18841}Yes, well, hmm...
{18845}{18869}Afternoon, George.
{18874}{18899}Ah, hello, Cap!
{18903}{18928}Ah, Captain.
{18933}{18999}I hope you're going to conduct yourself|with a little more decorum this time.
{19002}{19049}No, I am going to conduct myself|with "no" decorum.
{19053}{19072}Shove off!
{19077}{19128}Oh!
{19132}{19192}Ah, "jawohl, Herr Kapit�n" {19195}{19234}So, Cap, what's going on?
{19238}{19299}Well, there's a German spy|in the hospital, {19303}{19342}and it's my job to find him.
{19346}{19370}A Ger...
?
{19375}{19405}Well, snakes alive!
{19409}{19442}Exciting stuff, eh?
{19447}{19470}Wait a minute!
{19474}{19501}I think I might have a plan already.
{19506}{19534}What is it?
{19539}{19563}Have a look through the list of patients {19567}{19595}and see if there's anyone here {19600}{19677}whose name begins with "Von."
{19684}{19710}Well, it's almost bound to be your bloke!
{19714}{19778}I think we may find that|he's using a false name.
{19781}{19801}Oh, crikey.
{19806}{19851}Well, that's hardly fair, now, is it?
{19855}{19939}I, too, have a cunning plan|to catch the spy, Sir.
{19942}{19982}Do you, Baldrick, do you?
{19986}{20061}You go round the hostipal|and ask everyone, {20063}{20160}{y:i}Are you a German spy?
{20162}{20193}Yes, I must say, Baldrick, {20198}{20243}I appreciate your involvement|on the creative side.
{20247}{20281}If it was me, I'd own up.
{20285}{20305}Of course you would.
{20310}{20341}But, sadly, the enemy have not added {20346}{20392}to the German Army entrance form|the requirement, {20395}{20477}{y:i}Must have intellectual capacity|{y:i}of a boiled potato.
{20480}{20570}- Now, Baldrick, see that man over there?|- Yeah.
{20572}{20620}I want you to stick to him like a limpet.
{20624}{20663}Make sure he doesn't leave the hospital.
{20667}{20734}Yes, Sir.
{20751}{20780}Hello, Darling.|What are you doing here?
{20785}{20834}Bullet in the foot.
{20838}{20882}Well, I can understand|people at the front {20886}{20919}trying to shoot themselves in the foot, {20923}{20968}but when you're 35 miles|behind the line...
{20972}{21023}I did not shoot myself.
{21027}{21074}The General did it.
{21078}{21114}Finally got fed up with you, did he?
{21118}{21149}No, it was a mistake.
{21153}{21195}Oh, he was aiming for your head.
{21199}{21241}He wasn't aiming for anything.
{21246}{21298}Oh, so he was going|for between your legs, then.
{21301}{21337}Very funny, Blackadder.
{21341}{21369}You'll be laughing|on the other side of your face {21374}{21403}if you don't find this spy.
{21408}{21433}Don't you worry, Darling.
{21437}{21491}I intend to start interviewing|suspects immediately.
{21495}{21577}This is completely ridiculous,|Blackadder!
{21579}{21625}You can't suspect me.|I've only just arrived.
{21629}{21682}The first rule|of counterespionage, Darling, {21686}{21707}is to suspect everyone.
{21712}{21753}Believe me, I shall be asking myself {21757}{21804}some pretty searching questions later.
{21808}{21861}Now, tell me, what is the color {21864}{21897}of the Queen of England's favorite hat?
{21902}{21947}How the hell should I know?
{21951}{21971}I see.
{21976}{22049}Well, let me ask you another question.
{22051}{22105}What is the name|of the German head of state?
{22109}{22146}Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
{22150}{22214}So, you're on first name terms|with the Kaiser, are you?
{22217}{22269}Well, what did you expect me to say?
{22273}{22346}Darling, Darling, shhh...
{22349}{22383}Cigarette?
{22387}{22459}Thank you.
{22576}{22621}All right you, stinking piece of crap!
{22625}{22664}I beg your pardon?
{22668}{22689}Shut your cakehole!
{22694}{22713}Tell me, von Darling, {22718}{22751}what finally won you over, eh?
{22756}{22784}Was it the pumpernickel, {22788}{22823}or was it the thought of hanging around {22828}{22853}with big men in leather shorts?
{22857}{22931}I'll have you court-martialed|for this, Blackadder!
{22934}{22961}What, for obeying the general's orders?
{22966}{22994}That may be what you do in Munich, {22998}{23032}or should I say Munchen?
{23037}{23065}But not here, Werner!
{23069}{23110}You're a filthy Hun spy, aren't you?
{23115}{23163}Baldrick, the cocker spaniel, please!
{23166}{23190}No!
No!
No!
{23195}{23250}Wait!
No, look, I'm English!
{23254}{23280}I was born in Croydon!
{23284}{23358}I was educated at|lpplethorpe Primary School!
{23361}{23394}I've got a girlfriend called Doris!
{23399}{23457}I know the words to all three verses|of "God Save the King"!
{23460}{23493}- Four verses.|- Four verses!
{23497}{23523}I meant four verses!
{23528}{23593}Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
{23596}{23648}So your father's German,|you're half-German, {23652}{23691}and you married a German?
{23695}{23736}No!
No!
{23740}{23809}Look, for God's sake,|I'm not a German spy!
{23812}{23840}Good.
Thanks very much.
{23845}{23901}Send in the next man, would you?
{23904}{23951}What is all this noise about?
{23955}{24036}Don't you realize this is a hospital?
{24039}{24072}You'll regret this, Blackadder.
{24076}{24145}You'd better find the real spy {24148}{24193}or I'll make it very hard for you.
{24197}{24283}Please, Darling, there are ladies present.
{24508}{24543}Well, well, Captain Blackadder, {24547}{24600}this is an unexpected pleasure.
{24604}{24622}What?
{24627}{24667}Nice to have you back with us.
{24671}{24743}A spy-catcher, eh?
Huh!
{24746}{24790}That silly kid George was right.
{24794}{24840}You are a bally hero.
{24844}{24868}Wait a minute.
{24872}{24918}I thought you liked George.
{24922}{24982}That's just my bedside manner.
{24986}{25040}What I call my "fluffy bunny act."
{25043}{25079}So you're not a drip after all.
{25083}{25110}Oh, no.
{25115}{25189}So, Mr.
Spy-Catcher, how's it going?
{25192}{25228}Well, not much luck so far.
{25232}{25275}I think he might be as difficult to find {25279}{25352}as a piece of hay in|a massive stack full of needles.
{25355}{25423}So you're going to be around|for quite a while, then.
{25426}{25464}Looks like it.
{25468}{25547}Good, because, uh...
{25550}{25660}it can get pretty lonely|'round here, you know.
{25661}{25730}God, it's nice to have|someone healthy to talk to!
{25733}{25804}- Cigarette?|- No, thank you.
{25807}{25854}I only smoke cigarettes|after making love.
{25858}{25989}So, back in England,|I'm a 20-a-day man.
{26127}{26160}A man should smoke.
{26165}{26217}It acts as an expectorant {26220}{26304}and gives his voice a deep,|gravely, masculine tone.
{26307}{26353}God, I love nurses.
{26357}{26421}They're so disgustingly clinical!
{26424}{26488}Tell me, Captain Blackadder...
{26491}{26527}Edmund.
{26531}{26574}Edmund, {26578}{26624}when this war is over, do you think {26628}{26672}we might get to know|each other a little better?
{26676}{26700}Yes, why not?
{26705}{26734}When this madness is finished, {26738}{26774}perhaps we could go cycling together, {26779}{26844}take a trip down to|the Old Swan at Henley {26847}{26871}and go for a walk in the woods.
{26876}{27012}Yes, or we could just do it|right now on the desk.
{27060}{27165}Yeah, okay.
{27190}{27222}Ah, Baldrick.
{27227}{27275}Have you seen Nurse Mary?|I need someone to post this letter.
{27279}{27335}She's in her office with the Captain, Sir.
{27338}{27358}Ah, poor girl, {27363}{27431}tied to her desk, day and night.
{27434}{27464}Ah, Cap!
{27469}{27511}I hear you've been seeing|a lot of Nurse Mary.
{27515}{27563}Yes, almost all of her, in fact.
{27567}{27598}How is she, Sir?
{27602}{27664}Unbelievable!
{27685}{27715}What I really want to know is, {27719}{27764}are you any closer to finding the spy?
{27768}{27831}Yes, I think I'm getting there, George.
{27834}{27871}Everything all right, Smith?
{27875}{27928}Oh, "ja", excellent, excellent.
{27932}{27998}Jolly good.
{28001}{28054}Smithy, you haven't seen {28058}{28102}any suspicious characters|hanging around, have you, {28106}{28135}who might be German spies?
{28139}{28171}{y:i}Nein {28176}{28214}Nine?!
{28218}{28373}Well, the Cap's got|his work cut out, then.
{28368}{28409}Tell me, Edmund, {28413}{28462}do you have someone special in your life?
{28466}{28520}Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
{28523}{28569}- Who?|- Me.
{28573}{28680}No, I mean someone|you love and cherish {28681}{28724}and want to keep safe {28728}{28770}from all the horror and the hurt.
{28774}{28828}Um...
still me, really.
{28832}{28933}No, but back home, in England, {28935}{28990}there must be someone waiting, {28993}{29018}some sweetheart.
{29023}{29081}Oh, a girl.
Nah.
{29084}{29158}I've always been a soldier,|married to the Army.
{29161}{29234}The Book of King's Regulations|is my mistress, {29237}{29289}possibly with a Harrod's|lingerie catalogue {29293}{29345}discreetly tucked between the pages.
{29348}{29398}And no casual girlfriends?
{29402}{29461}Skirt?
Hah!
{29464}{29483}If only...
{29488}{29516}When I joined up, {29521}{29555}we were still fighting colonial wars.
{29559}{29612}If you saw someone in a skirt, {29616}{29679}you shot him and nicked his country.
{29682}{29735}What about you?|Have you got a man?
{29739}{29800}Some fine fellow in|an English country village?
{29803}{29832}A vicar, maybe?
{29837}{29970}Quiet, gentle, hung like a baboon.
{30020}{30069}There was a man I cared for a little.
{30073}{30108}Wonderful chap...
{30112}{30165}strong, athletic...
{30169}{30188}What happened to him?
{30193}{30237}He bought it.
{30241}{30273}I'm so sorry.
{30277}{30335}I didn't realize that|that was the arrangement.
{30338}{30380}Um, so what's it been?
{30384}{30454}Uh, 1 2 nights and, let's say,|9 afternoons.
{30457}{30483}How much is...
{30488}{30531}I mean he died.
{30535}{30573}Oh, I'm sorry.
{30577}{30663}He was test-driving one|of those new tank contraptions, {30666}{30692}and the bloody thing blew up.
{30696}{30732}What a waste.
{30737}{30787}God, I hope they've scrapped the lot.
{30790}{30831}Ha!
Fat chance.
{30835}{30932}They're going to use|40 of them next week at, oh...
{30934}{30953}Sorry, I mustn't talk about that.
{30958}{30994}You never know|who might be listening.
{30999}{31053}No, of course.
{31056}{31134}Oh, God, I miss him so much.
{31137}{31172}He was such a wonderful chap.
{31176}{31211}Clever too, I expect.
{31215}{31239}Brilliant.
{31244}{31294}Went to one of the great|universities, I suppose...
{31298}{31340}Oxford...
Cambridge...
{31344}{31393}Hull...
{31397}{31464}Mmm.
{31461}{31508}But why are we making small talk {31512}{31547}when we could be making big love?
{31551}{31579}Good point.
{31584}{31626}This could be our last chance.
{31630}{31655}My three weeks are up.
{31660}{31718}I'm going back to staff HQ tomorrow.
{31721}{31760}Look, why don't you come with me?
{31764}{31782}It could be fun.
{31787}{31814}We could have supper or something.
{31819}{31880}How about something first,|then supper?
{31883}{31962}Good idea!
{32008}{32047}Ah, hello, Blackadder.
{32051}{32077}Good morning, Sir.
{32082}{32123}Uh, may I introduce|Nurse Fletcher-Brown.
{32127}{32195}She's been very supportive|during my work at the hospital.
{32198}{32235}How do you do, young lady?
{32279}{32342}Do sit down.
{32346}{32408}So, any news|of the spy, Blackadder?
{32411}{32449}- Yes, Sir.|- Excellent.
{32453}{32498}The Germans seem|to know every move we make!
{32502}{32546}I had a letter from Jerry yesterday.
{32550}{32602}It said, "Isn't it about time {32606}{32685}"you changed your shirts, Walrus-Face"?
{32687}{32730}So, do you have any ideas|who it might be, young lady?
{32734}{32782}Well, Sir, I'm only a humble nurse, {32786}{32833}but I did at one point think it might be...
{32837}{32866}Captain Darling.
{32870}{32915}Well, bugger me with a fish fork!
{32919}{33000}Old Darling, a Jerry Morse-tapper?
{33003}{33047}What on earth made you suspect him?
{33051}{33097}Well, he poo-pooed the Captain here {33101}{33149}and said that he'd never find the spy.
{33153}{33187}Is this true, Blackadder?
{33191}{33235}Did captain Darling poo-poo you?
{33239}{33284}Well, perhaps a little.
{33288}{33344}Damn it all, what more evidence|do you need?
{33347}{33402}The poo-pooing alone|is a court-martial offence!
{33406}{33431}I can assure you, Sir, {33436}{33478}that the poo-pooing|was purely circumstantial.
{33482}{33523}Well, I hope so, Blackadder.
{33527}{33578}You know, if there's one thing {33581}{33612}I've learned from being in the Army, {33617}{33664}it's never ignore a poo-poo.
{33668}{33730}I knew a major, got poo-pooed...
{33733}{33783}made the mistake|of ignoring the poo-poo.
{33787}{33810}He poo-pooed it.
{33815}{33890}Fatal error, because|it turned out all along {33892}{33918}that the soldier who pooh-pooed him {33923}{33954}had been poo-pooing|a lot of other officers {33958}{34008}who poo-pooed their poo-poos.
{34012}{34059}In the end, we had|to disband the regiment, {34063}{34114}morale totally destroyed...
{34118}{34171}by poo-poo!
{34174}{34209}Yes, I think we may be {34214}{34243}drifting slightly from the point here, Sir, {34247}{34281}which is that, unfortunately, {34286}{34314}and to my lasting regret, {34318}{34362}Captain Darling is not the spy.
{34366}{34404}Oh?
And then who the hell is?
{34408}{34446}Well, Sir, there is a man in the hospital {34451}{34481}with a pronounced limp {34485}{34520}and a very strong German accent.
{34525}{34577}It must be him...
it's obvious.
{34580}{34601}Obvious, but wrong.
{34606}{34625}It's not him.
{34630}{34649}And why not?
{34654}{34688}Because, Sir, not even|the Germans would be {34692}{34723}stupid enough to field a spy {34728}{34770}with a strong German accent.
{34774}{34801}Well then, who is it?
{34806}{34852}Well, it's perfectly simple.
{34856}{34888}It's you.
{34892}{34928}Edmund!
{34932}{34947}Baldrick!
{34953}{34986}Explain yourself, Blackadder, {34990}{35054}before I have you shot|for being rude to a lady.
{35057}{35107}Well, Sir, the first seeds|of suspicion were sown {35111}{35159}When Lieutenant George unwittingly {35163}{35197}revealed that she spoke German.
{35201}{35259}Do you deny,|Nurse Fletcher-Brown...
{35262}{35326}or should I say|Nurse Fleischer-Baum?
...
{35330}{35380}that you helped Lieutenant George {35383}{35417}with the German words in his letters?
{35422}{35447}No, I did, but...
{35451}{35491}my suspicions were confirmed|when she probed me {35496}{35534}expertly about tank movements.
{35538}{35566}Oh, Edmund, how could you, {35570}{35596}after all we've been through?
{35601}{35633}And then the final, irrefutable proof.
{35638}{35681}Remember you mentioned|a clever boyfriend?
{35685}{35706}Yes.
{35710}{35771}I then leapt on|the opportunity to test you.
{35775}{35828}I asked if he'd been to|one of the great universities...
{35831}{35873}Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull.
{35877}{35898}You failed to spot {35903}{35972}that only two of those|are great universities.
{35975}{35997}You swine!
{36002}{36108}That's right, Oxford's a complete dump!
{36141}{36164}Well, quite.
{36169}{36210}No true Englishwoman {36214}{36244}could have fallen into that trap.
{36249}{36284}Oh, Edmund, I thought there was {36288}{36317}something beautiful between us.
{36322}{36352}I thought you...
{36356}{36396}Ioved me.
{36400}{36424}Nah.
{36429}{36479}Take her away, Baldrick.
{36483}{36521}Raus!
Raus!
{36525}{36559}Well, good work, Blackadder.
{36563}{36684}Now I'd better go|assemble a firing squad.
{36718}{36807}Watch out, Sir!
{36820}{36871}Darling, what on earth do|you think you're doing?
{36874}{36916}I'll tell you exactly|what I am doing, Sir.
{36920}{36947}I'm doing what Blackadder {36952}{36996}should have done|three weeks ago, Sir.
{37000}{37049}This is the guilty man!
{37053}{37087}Darling, you're hysterical.
{37091}{37104}No, Sir!
{37109}{37187}No, I'm not, Sir!|I'll ask him outright, are you a spy?
{37190}{37235}Yes, I am a spy!
{37239}{37264}You see, Sir?!
{37269}{37312}Well, of course he's a spy, Darling...
{37316}{37343}A British spy!
{37347}{37428}This is Brigadier|Sir Bernard Proudfoot-Smith, {37431}{37507}the finest spy in the British Army!
{37531}{37573}B-but he can't be, Sir, {37577}{37620}He...
he doesn't even sound British.
{37624}{37667}Unfortunately, I have been working {37671}{37741}undercover in Germany|for so long that I have {37744}{37790}picked up a teensy-weensy bit {37793}{37824}of an accent.
{37829}{37899}This, Darling, is the man|who told us that there was {37902}{37942}a German spy in the hospital|in the first place.
{37946}{37984}Ah.
{37988}{38009}Right, well, {38014}{38039}that's that, then.
{38044}{38072}- Blackadder.|- Yes, Sir?
{38077}{38137}You are now head of Operation Winkle.
{38140}{38182}- Thank you, Sir.|- Darling.
{38186}{38206}Yes, Sir?
{38211}{38249}You are a complete arse.
{38253}{38296}Thank you, Sir.
{38300}{38358}Right, Bernard, let's go|and watch the firing squad.
{38362}{38413}{y:i}Jawohl, mein General!
{38416}{38466}Sir, what the devil is going on?
{38470}{38517}I've just seen Nurse Mary {38521}{38551}being led away to a firing squad!
{38555}{38583}Nurse Mary is the spy, George.
{38588}{38646}- What?
Lmpossible!|- Afraid so.
{38649}{38704}Well, cover me with eggs and flour {38708}{38758}and bake me for 14 minutes.
{38762}{38798}Who'd have thought it, eh?
{38802}{38887}Nurse Mary,|a Bosche nose-poker-inner!
{38889}{38919}Oh well, lots of exciting stuff to put in {38924}{38999}my next letter to my|Uncle Herman in Munich.
{39001}{39039}Sorry?
{39044}{39104}Those letters I've been|writing in hospital to my German uncle.
{39107}{39150}New information, Blackadder?
{39154}{39176}George.
{39181}{39218}Oh, yes, well, I know there's a war on, {39222}{39252}but family is family {39257}{39309}and old Uncle Hermie does so love {39312}{39344}to be kept abreast of what's going on.
{39349}{39374}I even wrote and told him about {39379}{39448}old Walrus-Face Melchett|and his smelly old shirts!
{39451}{39539}Would you like me to tell|this one to the General, {39541}{39657}or would you enjoy that|very special moment?
{40012}{40212}Ripped with SubRip 1.10 and Verified by CdinT|(Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net) {40205}{40344}I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it!
:D