Émission TV: Will & Grace - 5x9

Ok, husband, I'll be right down Oh, Leo.
I'm so excited Tonight I'm gonna sleep with a married man Okay, you can watch Heh heh heh Whee!
Going on my honeymoon I'm happy for you I've also narrowed down what I'm gonna turn your room into It's either gonna be a home office, a gym or a gift-wrapping room like Candy Spelling has Ah, who am I kidding?
The bows and ribbons arrive tomorrow This sucks How come Grace gets to go to the Caribbean, and I don't?
Trust me, poodle You don't wanna go Two Jews on a beach?
It's gonna be a week of hunting for the highest SPF at the lowest price You guys gonna miss me?
Like you even have to ask!
Of course we're gonna miss you, crazy!
Hello!
Go on, get out!
'Kay.
See you in a week Wow.
She's really gone I miss her already I'm sad New gay bar on 72nd Street!
Let's go!
Right behind ya!
Get down, get down Wee, wee!
Get down, get down Ooh, ooh!
That gift-wrapping room's like the best thing ever I don't know how I existed without it I was always losing the scissors and spreading the wrapping paper out on the floor like an animal Okay-- And exchange And open Oh, my God!
Smart Start!
And milk Always the perfect gift It's so much more fun eating breakfast this way I know Hurry up, we've only got two hours to gift wrap lunch Um, sweetheart?
Yes, bunny?
I think I'm gonna need my allowance a little early this week Well, I thought you were doing well teaching your acting class 'Twas But, um, I had to kick a student out Yeah.
Phillip wasn't willing to do what it takes to become a great actor He wouldn't make out with you?
All I wanted was a little Mr.
French!
He got all crazy when I told him Started hissing and spraying everywhere He even told me he was gonna sic the gay mafia on me Heh heh heh Right, the gay mafia Or as I like to call it really organized crime Ha-ha!
Ha-ha!
Yeah, what are they gonna do?
Measure me for concrete sneaker clogs?
They gonna make you a coiffure you can't refuse?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha-- I don't get that one Hey, Sam Hey, Diane Hey, someone's got a little spring in their step You just got a bikini wax?
I don't know People were moving around down there-- I assume something was getting done Funny, Jack said the same thing about his last dentist appointment Ah...
listen, kids I need your help I'm in a little bit of a pickle You know how I'm into Aerosmith, right?
Yeah Sure, go ahead I went to see 'em play at Madison Square Garden and invited 'em back to my suite at the Palace Hotel to party with me Aerosmith?
No, Madison Square Garden Anyhoo-- Some things may have...
been set on fire A bellboy may have been stripped and shaved A young girl may have become a mother Bottom line...
They kicked me out And no hotel in New York will have me And I need a place to stay A-ha-ha-ha!
Well, you know I'd let you bunk with me but they're gonna be shooting "Sex and the City" in my apartment all week!
Yeah, in fact, I gotta go baby-proof it In case Sarah Jessica brings little James Wilke Jessica Broderick Parker So, I guess that leaves-- No, no, no No, you cannot stay here Why don't you move in with one of your hallucinations?
All right, okay I see what this is gonna take Ooh, yeah It's good to be bad, isn't it, daddy?
Whoo!
Karen, I'd ha-- What-- Okay, all right, all right Stop it!
You can stay here-- Ha!
But just till we work things out with the Palace I don't know if you hypnotized me with those things or what but I'm not afraid of flying anymore Hey What time does the gal come by to turn down the bed?
Karen, this is not a hotel No one will be turning your bed down And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't keep filling up my answering machine with complaints about room service Well, since you bring it up when I checked in the soaps had all been opened and the shower cap had been used Karen I am trying to catch up on some work here Okay?
I've got an SEC filing that's months overdue a product liability case that's going to trial and, most importantly of all the firm's annual potluck dinner is coming up and I don't want three people bringing salads like last year's fiasco Okay, okay Fine, I'll leave you alone It's not unusual to be loved by anyone It's not unusual to be loved by...
Karen!
Quiet!
Quiet Jeez Louise!
It's just a little top 40 Well, if you must do that put the headphones on Oh, fun If you ever want to be loved by anyone It's not unusual, it happens every day No matter what you say you see it happens all the-- Where you going?
I'm just about at the bridge I can't believe I sacrificed my gift-wrapping room for you And right around the holidays!
Morning, morning, morning Remember we were making those jokes about the gay mafia?
I think it's for real Of course it is I'm sure some gay guy's getting whacked as we speak This is serious I think that guy I kicked out of my acting class sent them after me I mean, look at this That's awful What am I looking at?
Hello?!
Dry, unmanageable hair I just got back from the salon the center of gay culture The shampoo boy said he was gonna put conditioner in but I think he just went like this-- Pbllt, pbllt, Nothing Well, that's all the proof I need And check this out, check this out "Sex and the City," supposed to shoot all week in my apartment?
Then for no reason-- They pulled out What does that have to do with anyth-- Do I have to spell it out for you? "
Sex and the City," HBO, H-O-M-O What do I do, Will?
What do I do?!
Okay, here's the plan Call Dorothy, tell her to meet you at the Yellow Brick Road When you get to the end of the road you'll see a man Ask him for a brain Oh, Will, you would have loved this hotel They had parasailing and scuba diving You could go in a Jeep and scour cave walls for markings made by the indigenous peoples Cool What did you do?
There was a bar in the pool I swear, swimming any other way than drunk is just stupid Oh, and the sunsets Amazing I took, like, seven rolls of film just on that You know, let's open up a bottle of wine and I'll walk you through 'em Hey, you open the wine I'll open the oven door and climb in Hi, are you alone?
Did anybody follow you up here?
Uh, how about "Welcome back from your honeymoon"?
Yeah, whatever, who cares Listen, I got bigger problems, all right?
The gay mafia's put a hit out on me What is a gay hit? "
It's Raining Men"?
This is serious!
They're everywhere They control everything Who do you think prevented that 'NSync guy from going into space?
I gotta go I gotta go "It's not unusua-- it's not unusua-- It's not unusua-- it's not unusua-- It's not--" Well, this is unusual What the hell happened here?!
Karen?!
Grace Adler Designs I don't remember giving permission for a party!
It wasn't a party You guys know how I'm into gangsta rap, right?
Sure, go on Yeah All I did was invite Ol' Dirty Bastard over to watch Masterpiece Theatre And he brought along his whole posse And some bomb-ass chronic Heh-heh!
Would you look at this place?
These cushions are ruined There's beer rings all over the coffee table Great, they broke my novelty pen from last year's Gay Games Now when you turn it, the high-diver's Speedo doesn't come off What am supposed to do with this pen now?
I have a suggestion I heard that!
All right, calm down Hey!
Don't you tell me to calm down!
Hey, can we please not do this in front of the D-R-U-N-K?
Can I have my martini now?
No!
No dessert!
Will, she's hungry Tough!
She's gotta learn that there are consequences to her actions!
So you are gonna sit there, on this couch and look at Grace's honeymoon pictures!
I hate you!
Roll one My luggage Which brings us to roll three Getting kicked out of the first class lounge Oh Hey, Grace Hey, Leo Listen, you mind if I talk to your wife alone for a minute?
You come to Long Island you can talk to her any time you like Hey, Karen, what's up with all the luggage?
Oh, nothing, honey I just came by to look at all of your honeymoon pictures Okay, now I know something's wrong What happened?
Honey, I don't wanna live with Will anymore / Why?
He has no sense of humor He didn't laugh at all when that M-80 went off in his toilet Well, he can get like that So, what are you gonna do?
Oh, no problem I'm just gonna move in with you Problem!
Hey Look what showed up on my doorstep Was she in a basket with a note pinned to her that said "Please take care of my baby Love, Lucifer"?
We've got a problem She needs a place to stay Well, why can't she stay with you and Leo?
Come on, we're newlyweds We wanna be able to have sex without someone in the background giggling Honey, I won't giggle if you don't make that face you make Will, come on Come on, she's in a really bad way You have to take her I don't want her Neither do I What are we gonna do?
We can't just drive her out to the country and release her back into the wild Or can't we?
Just think about it We can lure her into a cage with a Vicodin tied to the end of a little piece of string If her friends ask, we just say "We took her to farm where she can run free and have waiters fired."
Come on, let's get serious Where's she gonna go?
Where did she go?
This is crazy We're not gonna find Karen She could be anywhere She's got four fake passports and a map of the underworld We've gotta keep looking for her She's out there all alone The city's full of criminals and murderers.
She could...
hurt one of them Maybe we should call the police No.
No cops But she's in a bad place We can't find her-- I said no cops!
I'm gonna go ask around see if anyone's seen her Keep it on the down-low Come on Let's get a drink Make it a double We wanna catch Karen we'd better drink like her Could you pass those nuts?
No problem Jack?
Sorry, nope Jack, we know it's you No, it is not me!
My name is Claude Remains I have dark glasses I'm from Indiana Look, I have a mustache Not anymore Get--!
Wh--!
Hey!
I can't believe you just did that!
Just hand me over to the gay mafia the homo nostra, Don Queerleone So that's what this is about?
You're hiding?
Yes, Toby's meeting me here He borrowed his mother's Caprice and he's gonna smuggle me to Oklahoma You're going to Oklahoma?
Yes.
The matinee We're heading out We'll see you later?
No, they're after me Enough of that crap!
No one's after you It's all in your head Your fish, sir But I didn't order-- Oh, my god!
It's a message It's a message I'm a dead man!
I'm gonna sleep with the fishes!
But it's the gay mafia so I'm gonna sleep with trout almandine drizzled with lemon and capers!
I don't know where else to look for her We checked the Gun Club the FDA testing center Bill Clinton's office in Harlem-- She's nowhere Was he checking me out?
No, Grace Oh, my God Look Karen?
What are you doing?
Nothing, just shooting the breeze with these three Rosarios Now leave me alone Look, we're really sorry I know we said some pretty harsh things We forget sometimes that you have human feelings You do, right?
You know, you could be a little more sensitive This divorce hasn't exactly been easy for me I know.
You and Stan were together a long time What?
Stan?
Who said anything about One Ton Phooey?
Yours is the divorce I'm upset about What?
You two split up without even a thought as to how it would affect me Hey, I know she's no prize And I know she's no prize, either But couldn't you two have stayed together for my sake?
Karen...
What?
Don't you get it?
It was always me, you, and Will It was?
As long as you were together I felt safe, taken care of, special I just don't know where I fit in anymore Karen No matter what happens between us nothing could ever change the way we feel about you Really?
Of course, Karen We love...
The way we feel about you So we're a family again?
As much as we ever were Oh!
So we're clear on this, right?
You understand there is no gay mafia?
There is no network of waiters and florists and cabaret singers who carry out the commands of some shadowy don Or, in this case eye-shadowy don Yeah, okay Yeah, whatever Yeah.
It's no big deal Doesn't matter, anyway I let Phillip back in my class because he is a talented actor and is under no obligation to make out with me Did you hear that?
Phillip's back in, pass it on Jack!
Enough!
There is no gay mafia It does not exist I do not know this man!
We are not here together After you pay the check-- Leave me alone!
Gay mafia I'm surrounded by idiots Oh, man!
My new Gucci suit!
Sorry, sir Heh-heh...
Hey, it's not funny It's a little bit funny Oh, my God.
You're-- You're...
you That's right and next time it'll be red wine A word of advice, Will Don't dismiss things you know nothing about And don't walk in ten-inch heels-- It's hell on the ankles What are you talking about?
There is no such thing-- Isn't there?
Well, even if there was it's not like they control the-- Don't they?
Come on It's not like you're the-- Aren't I?
Listen, Will You're a smart boy You've got a good face A flat stomach Hmm I'd hate to see you banned from every gym in America And what?
End up in a Fitness Protection Program?
Don't joke It's real So watch yourself, Will 'Cause we're watching you One wrong move, and this bitch will be back Could you give me $2.00 for the coat check girl?
Sure Okay, I'll ask her I'm on with the manager of the Palace Hotel They're willing to take you back as long as you're willing to return the concierge's prosthetic leg No!
I won that leg fair and square Besides, I need it to hit the snooze button in the morning Why don't you just sleep on the other side of the bed?
Hey!
All right Oh.
But...
Um...
tell him two of the toes broke off