Émission TV: Psych - 8x3
You, as the jury, have the responsibility to bring justice.
But I'm gonna make it very easy on you because the prosecution will prove...
No, Shawn, I'm not nervous to testify.
You just gotta get up there and tell the truth.
The jury is not just one thing.
Strong individuals who each bring their own unique perspective into the courtroom.
It's a lawyer's job to read that perspective.
For instance, what do you notice about juror number three's shirt?
He's got a hole in his collar and it's buttoned all wrong.
Would Mommy ever let me leave the house looking like that?
Of course not.
So that tells me that this guy's single.
Which is gonna influence the way he thinks about the defendant because she's a young attractive woman.
You got it?
As the state's first witness, I would like to call...
Hey, come on, concentrate, Shawn.
One day you're gonna make me proud walking up the steps of this courthouse.
They impounded my motorcycle, Gus.
That's what they did.
What are you staring at?
The future, Shawn.
I have a personal GPS system in my phone.
It's like I'm starring in my own spy movie.
Oh, you were, until you got recast.
What?
Oh, God, no one told you?
What you talking about?
From here on out, you're gonna be played by Billy Bob Thornton.
Why would Billy Bob Thornton be the choice to play me?
He shouldn't be.
He also shouldn't have been the choice to replace Matthau, as Buttermaker in the Bad News Bears remake.
But that happened, didn't it, Gus?
I hate remakes.
It's infuriating Gus, you don't remake The Dukes of Hazzard.
The whole point of a remake is to choose something that showed serious promise but failed to live up to expectations.
I mean that's the magic of movies.
Oh, I feel you, but they add all those new characters that were super broad.
The whole subplot with the racecar driver.
He was terrible.
It was cartoonish.
It's weird.
It says I'm a friend of Wiffle Waffles on Harper Ave.
Hold the syrup.
Who's that?
Shawn, wait.
Shawn...
Relax.
Wait.
She's gonna be money.
Hi, there.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Robert Jones.
But you may call him Bob.
We would like to cast you in the remake of his life.
Don't pay him any mind.
My name is Burton Guster.
Hello.
Do you by chance know where the parking ticket payment window is?
You poor thing.
Yeah, I do actually.
It's down the hall to your left.
Then you're gonna make another left and then left again at the double doors.
Thank you again for your kindness.
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
Aw, Willy Wonka.
One of my favorites. "
Snozberry, who's ever heard of a snozberry? "
We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams."
I can't believe they remade it.
That's what I'm talking about.
Sorry, it's time for us to go.
Hi.
Okay.
By the way, have you seen my notebook?
It's a big blue thing.
It has all my notes in it.
No.
All right, well...
It was really nice to meet you guys.
Good luck with the tickets.
Yeah, we should go.
And so she walked out of our lives, forever.
Congratulations.
You are now a full-fledged fugitive.
Come on, man, you are the one that put waffles into my head.
Besides, I hardly think the court system expected me to wait in line that long.
That's exactly what they expected.
Ah.
Good morning, Connie.
Good morning, Morty.
Hey, Sun Up Santa Barbara!
I'm Morty Camp, and this sitting right next to me is my lovely wife, Connie Camp.
Oh, Morty.
Oh, come on.
Am I right?
This guy knows I'm right.
Man, you are so irascible.
No, I can't help it.
You know, 15 years of marriage and I'm still smitten.
I would take you over Kelly Ripa any day of the week.
And not just the weekdays.
That kind of love is beautiful, Shawn.
I wish I had what he has.
Well, Connie, roving reporter Ruben Leonard will be on location with a veterinarian who designs cosmetic testicles for neutered dogs.
Restoring their dog-nity.
And on a more downward note, one of our very own KRXJ family, weatherman Jackson Hale, was attacked right here at the station last month and, sadly, died from those injuries.
It's just a horrible shocking tragedy.
So, so shocking.
He was such a good man.
Hmm, the best.
And Monty he was so very handsome.
Oh, what a true Adonis.
What a head of hair on that guy.
Yeah.
Well, we'll bring you up to the minute coverage of the trial of his accused murderer.
Now, as promised, we take you live to the courthouse steps for a press conference already in progress.
Logan Phelps for the prosecution.
Sandra Panitch went with Jackson Hale to the Channel 8 news studio engaged in sexual relations, then stabbed him in the heart with a knife.
Hey, that's the girl we met in the hallway today that flirted with me.
It is.
Hello, there, my name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner Robert Jones.
Killer though, her?
Adam Hornstock, attorney for the defense.
Sandra Panitch has never been arrested for a crime in her life.
She is a pre-school teacher and spends most of her time baking for the...
She's a pre-school teacher...
For the...
Who bakes.
For the...
She's a bake lady, Gus.
Look at this poor guy.
Assistant league.
Assistance league.
Have you seen my notebook, by the way?
It's a big blue thing.
It's got all my notes in it.
Handkerchief in his left breast pocket.
It's not decorative.
It's used for dabbing sweat and a lot of it.
Nervous, discombobulated, unorganized.
Adam Hornstock may not know it yet, but he needs us.
Objection.
Excuse me, who are these guys?
And why are you in my courtroom?
I'm here to pay parking tickets, Your Majesty.
And we are also here as consultants for the defense.
Legal consultants?
♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ Embrace the deception Learn how to bend ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ Who are you guys?
I just met them this morning.
Name's Shawn Spencer.
Just set up a psychic detective shingle.
Don't have a business card, chap, but we're here to help.
Help?
Why's your arm around my shoulder?
It's really weird.
That's fair, you're right.
Gus.
Is your friend hitting on my client?
Not successfully.
Mr.
Hornstock, would you like to explain who these miscreants are?
Oh, yes I would your honor, more than anything in the world.
But may I have a moment?
For your sake, that's a good idea.
Five minute recess.
Recess?
That's odd.
Okay.
Hey, Phelps!
You a hopscotch man?
Oh, Hornstock, you hired babysitters.
Doesn't matter, you losing this case either way.
Okay, seriously, did my dad hire you guys or my brother?
I knew they didn't think I could handle this, they don't believe in me.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
I'm Burton Guster.
And I'm a legal expert of sorts.
You're a lawyer?
Almost a lawyer.
I was on the early track to become one.
In the sixth grade.
Plus I've seen every courtroom drama ever made.
That's true, he's like Debra Winger in Legal Eagles.
I'm Glenn Close in Jagged Edge and you know it.
I like both those movies.
Look, I can't hire you guys, I don't have the authority.
I have zero power.
I don't even have my own office.
Don't I have the authority?
Don't worry about that.
We're doing this one pro bono.
We are both professional bonos.
What?
Just give me one witness, Hornstock.
One witness.
Your honor.
We'd like to call our independent expert pathologist from Los Angeles.
Woodrow Juniper Strode.
Dr.
Strode.
You are a board-certified pathologist.
Is that correct?
I am.
And did you examine the body of Jackson Hale on the evening of his death and please do answer honestly, you are under oath.
I did.
And that evening, I ate an old school Salisbury steak TV dinner, but I ate the brownie first.
I know that was wrong.
This is your expert pathologist?
I'm only being honest.
I don't know if you heard, I'm under oath.
Yes or no, Doctor, please.
Yes.
Dr.
Strode.
What did you observe on the body...
Of Jackson Hale...
I don't think juror number five likes you at all.
She don't like me?
Oh, it's the tie.
What's wrong with the tie?
Well, it's a little bit...
It's...
Weigh in here, Gus.
I'm not doing this Shawn.
Come on, just tell him.
I'm not doing it.
Look at the tie and tell him what you think.
Gus, give me your tie.
What?
I feel like it's important.
This is my tie.
I bought it.
It's my tie, I...
A woman's life is hanging in the balance.
Uh, your honor?
Objection!
Irrelevant and inadmissible.
Sustained.
Really?
Yes, really.
You want to argue with me?
Oh, you guys are really good at this.
Tie is working.
Maybe we really have a shot at this.
You guys, we have a boner-fide defense team now.
Hey, Detective Lassiter and hello, junior detective.
Ow...
O'Hara.
What are you guys doing in the courthouse?
Detective Lassiter and I made the arrest of Sandra Panitch.
What are you staring at?
Your clavicle.
I'm here because it's my case.
It's also our case.
We just signed on to be legal consultants to the defense.
She's innocent, we know it.
Oh, you know.
Well that's good.
Apparently you know more than a legal system that's been established for over 200 years.
Two hundred years?
Do you have any idea how foolish you sound?
Two hundred, Gus.
It's cavemen with ties, suing dinosaurs.
I am caveman!
I invented wheel, not Croc.
Shawn.
You can't possibly be this stupid.
Come on, detective.
Wait.
I'm getting really strong vibes here.
What are you doing for the next eight years, because I'm sensing that we become very much involved.
You're way off on that, Shawn.
Do we have ups and downs?
Sure.
Mmm-hmm.
Like anyone, but I can see it so clearly.
Your corn silk hair nestled on this gentlemen's shoulder right in the crook.
O'Hara, shake a leg.
Never happening, Shawn.
Okay.
But you're adorable when you're in denial.
Do not talk to him.
Shawn, Gus, thank you again.
Oh, but now I have so much work to do.
All these depositions and witness reports to comb over.
I haven't even cracked open the Ruben Leonard file.
Can I count on your help?
Sorry, Hornstock it's just, uh, It's not the way we work.
I need to touch things, taste things and smell things.
Smell 'em?
And Gus doesn't even read.
We all have our strengths.
Ours are in front of the camera.
We're going live in five, four...
Okay, we are back, Santa Barbara.
Yeah.
And Morty and I are cozying up on the couch for one of our famous "Sip and Chat" segments.
You know, Connie, I never get sick of our theme music.
I love it.
Well, we are joined today by two very special guests.
Now they have just joined the defense team of the Jackson Hale trial.
Please welcome Shawn Spencer and Burteen Gusten.
Welcome.
Thank you so much, Connie and Morty.
Now, not to be a skeptic but I just don't think I've heard of a psychic detective before.
Have you Morty?
No, no, I have not.
No, Connie, no.
Yeah.
But it seems fascinating.
Hmm, for a children's party, maybe.
Well...
But for a murder trial?
Shawn, I mean, listen.
Sandra Panitch, she is facing some very serious charges, and I certainly don't want to try her in the court of public opinion.
No, no, no, no.
But I will say this.
Things do not look good for her.
No, they do not.
Oh, my...
Not to mention the shenanigans of her attorney...
Adam...
Is it Hornstock?
Is that it?
Hornstock.
Now he is an odd duck, isn't he?
Yeah.
Isn't that right?
Would you say that about him?
Yeah, I should say you two have your work cut out for you.
Doesn't make any sense.
Oh, Don't worry, don't worry.
I was pre-pre-pre-law.
Doogie Howser.
Well, you know, Jackson Hale was a colleague, but he was also a dear friend.
And I think we all just want justice.
And you know what else we want us to see?
You guys, when we come back after this short break.
Hey.
And we are clear.
Three minutes, everyone.
That's one hell of a pinky ring.
Thanks, thank you.
So, Shawn, I would get a huge kick out of you using your psychic powers, to tell me what I'm thinking right now.
Yeah, sure, I can do that.
There's a bit of pageantry involved.
So I'm just gonna need you to...
Oh, I'm not surprised.
Okay.
Trust the process.
Okay, well.
It's a physical process.
Mmm.
And here it is.
I think I've got it.
The thoughts that you're having about my partner...
Not suitable for a morning show.
You know, I'm getting something else right now, too.
It's pretty juicy.
You guys aren't even together right now, what's that about?
I don't think so.
Morty's not even staying at the house, Gus.
Yeah, he's chilling at a motel.
Really?
That can't be good, so your relationship's a sham then, which means this whole show is a sham.
Hey, get off my...
Back off!
Morty!
Yeah.
Sixty seconds, everyone.
All right.
Stop.
All right, look.
I don't know how you figured out any of that, but it's none of your business.
Everything in the psychic realm is my business, Jack.
All right, it's true, all right?
Our marriage is on the bends, but the network told us to keep it under wraps for the sake of the show.
There is more to it than that.
We're working it out.
We really are.
'Cause I gotta say this whole Jackson Hale murder thing has just really made me appreciate the frailty of life.
I mean, he's out there gallivanting around with all these women.
I warned him.
It gets him killed.
It gets him killed.
Also, I don't mind saying being single in this town is worse than death.
You know, and I have started to come to realize very, very, very recently that I have a man right next to me and he is just fine.
And look, I mean, I know, I'm a really good looking newscaster and I could Aaron Eckhart my way around town if I wanted.
Aaron Eckhart?
Well, whatever, I can Jim Caviezel my way around town if I want to.
We would just appreciate if you would keep this under wraps.
Hey.
MORTY: Please, for the sake of crew morale.
What?
Miss Camp, your tennis lesson was changed to 5:00 p.m.
today.
Thank you, Priscilla.
Mr.
Spencer?
That's me.
And friend.
I'm Priscilla Morgenstern.
I'm the receptionist here.
I was told that you would like a tour of the studio.
Well, if you are the studio then, yes, that's correct.
And then we'd like to see where this horrible murder took place.
All right, let's walk the crime.
You're standing exactly right where it happened.
So grizzly.
All right, Priscilla, what am I looking at?
What is this?
This is a green screen, so we can superimpose any images of the weather we would like onto it.
He would bring a girl back to where he does the weather?
Was this a typical Friday night for him?
I didn't really know him enough to say.
Rumor has it he was into some pretty kinky stuff.
I guess some girls like a weather set and camera.
Gus does the same thing, but he's the only one in the videos.
My typical Friday night is alone on my couch eating leftover shishito peppers and watching Jericho.
Really?
Follow me.
Guess there's a lid for every pot.
Yeah.
This is where we keep all our newscasters' offices, our editing bays, also several notices for cat sitters if you need any.
Hey, hey, hey!
This here is the break room?
Are those snacks?
Are they free?
May we partake?
I just need a little something to hold me over...
Visitors don't get snacks.
This also doubles as Ruben Leonard's office.
He is our roving human interests reporter.
Although most of his stories are usually neither of those things.
Ruben is taking over as our temporary weatherman.
I hardly he cracked open the Ruben Leonard file.
Priscilla, do you know where Ruben is roving at this very moment?
Gus, this is exactly what it feels like to walk on the moon if the moon was black.
The moon is black, Shawn.
What?
The moon is black and Jesus is black and Grimace is black.
End of story.
Oh, Gus.
I think that's Ruben Leonard.
Is he dead?
I don't know.
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben Leonard!
He's alive.
He's alive.
I'm good.
I'm...
I'm good.
I just have scoliosis right on my back, so uneven surfaces are not my friend.
All right.
Okay.
I see.
Well, my name is Shawn Spencer.
I'm a psychic detective.
This is Gus.
He's my black Cameron.
We are legal consultants on the Jackson Hale murder trial.
We'd like to ask you a few questions.
Oh, I'm about to go on the air live and I need to practice this so I don't look like a complete idiot.
Do you have until 2007?
What was your relationship with Jackson Hale?
I admired him greatly.
But isn't it true that you, too, wanted to be a weatherman?
Oh, I love the weather but I could never do what he did, I mean...
So, you really enjoy getting up at 4:00 a.m.
and covering the Gilotta's Seniors Bake-Off and Poetry Jam?
You know, I do.
But, what can I say?
I'm a fan of the arts.
Ruben!
We're ready.
Okay.
Gus, We got this guy.
Hello, I'm Ruben Leonard and all these kids are jumping for charity.
Oh!
Boy, I didn't see that...
Direct hit.
Ooh!
Your witness, Mr.
Hornstock.
Let's go.
JUDGE: You're going to question him or not?
Oh, shoot, my father's here.
He's come to watch me fail.
Huh?
Wait!
You don't think Ruben Leonard had anything to do with the murder, do you?
Not really, no.
But if we can get one member of that jury to ask the same question, we're in business.
Start with this.
Mr.
Leonard, you are a meteorologist, aren't you?
I am, indeed.
But not on the air.
No, not thus far.
Well, maybe that's because you don't have a meteorologist's name.
I don't follow.
Well, if I was to look up the name "Leonard" in say, a weather glossary, would I see a definition?
No, you wouldn't.
Where is this going?
Yes, Mr.
Hornstock, where is this going?
Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor, it's just that every successful weatherman that I know has a real weatherman's name.
Jackson Hale, for example.
That isn't even his real name.
Precisely!
Have ever considered going by the name Cumulus Jaycott?
That's ridiculous.
Is it though?
How about Aurora Borealis?
Humid Lazenby?
Frozen Diamond Doppler Dew...
I'm just fine with my name.
Hurricane Carter?
Leaf Garrett?
How about Blizzardo?
Or maybe Tsunami Ali?
Puddles Takahama, Dr.
Jekyll and Mr.
High Tide.
Dick Ice Luge!
I have a degree in meteorology from the University of Virginia and I was junior Tornado Watch captain for seven years.
Jackson Hale had a degree in physical education from a junior college and a Masters in grab ass.
He was worthless.
He was worthless.
And he was an embarrassment to every real meteorologist like myself.
And he should have been stabbed in the heart a long time ago.
Thank you.
Objection!
A little late for that, don't you think, counselor?
That's the kind of confidence I'm talking about.
We are on our way to winning this thing.
That was awesome.
But...
First, we make nice and nice with Rubes and then we find evidence that sends him to the chair.
Boom!
Happy Monday, Priscilla.
It's Thursday.
I don't think that's true.
Did I mention that Gus, here, is single and ready to mingle?
It's true.
Where's Ruben?
He's about to do the weather.
He should be on the sound stage right now.
No, you cannot just go in there.
It's okay.
We're on-air personalities.
Thank you.
Probably a buckle.
Oh, yeah.
It's coming, it's coming.
Just won't budge at all...
Uh-oh, Gus.
Uh-oh what?
Uh-oh, Ruben.
This better be good, Spencer.
Trust me, Lassie, this was well worth the trip.
Shawn.
Dad?
Get over here now.
He's probably lost.
Just give me one second, you guys.
What are you doing here?
No, what are you doing here at Sun Up Santa Barbara making an ass out of yourself?
What, you guys think you're lawyers now?
Yeah, minus the law degree or whatever else is required.
Note to self, that would make a heck of a TV show.
That is my name you're throwing around out there and I've got a reputation in this town.
Would you relax.
We're doing whatever we have to do to find out who really killed Jackson Hale.
Spencer, I don't have all day.
I'm speaking with my maker.
Fine.
This is not some silly game and you better not treat it like one.
I'm doing my damnedest here to make you proud in as a subdued and civilized manner as I know how.
After all, you taught me everything I know.
Okay, thanks.
I, uh...
I appreciate that.
Good talk, pop.
Thanks for coming by.
Psychic vision time, baby.
I am sensing that Ruben Leonard hated Jackson Hale because he was an untouchable weatherman who liked to be touched by the la-la-la-ladies.
Ruben knew he would never get a chance to be weatherman as long as Jackson was still around.
So he decided to pay him a visit at the station.
On the night that he was pumpernickeling Sandra Panitch.
And that is when he killed him.
In cold blood.
That is edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff there, Spencer, but you have no evidence.
Is that the murder weapon?
Where's Ruben now?
He's getting ready to do the weather.
Crap.
So, Santa Barbara, if you've got...
Like I was saying, if you've got, um, big plans this weekend, keep those fingers crossed because rain...
It's coming.
Why are you looking at me like that?
The guilt is eating him alive.
Stop looking at me like that.
It's all lies.
He's going to make a run for it.
He can't make a run for it, can he?
No, I don't think so, no.
I'll tell you what else is lies.
These accusations that I killed Jackson Hale.
Lies.
Should I do something?
Lies.
What the hell are you gonna do?
I did not kill that silver-headed man-slut.
Sure you didn't.
And neither did Sandra Panitch.
But I'll tell you...
I'll tell you who did do it.
We'll be right back.
All right, there's one thing here we know for certain.
This proves that Sandra isn't our killer.
Gus is right.
She's in custody, no way she could have poisoned Ruben.
Slow your roll there, detective.
We don't know that Ruben was poisoned.
For all we know, this man died of a heart attack.
All I know is that Jackson had a lot of girlfriends and, trust me, I know from experience, you can't keep them all happy.
You feel me.
Anyone?
Amen.
Gus just made us all feel very awkward, but he could be right.
Maybe we should be looking at all the other women that Jackson was...
Hi.
Did I mention that Gus here is single and ready to mingle?
Dude, you're dead wrong.
We should be looking at the one woman Jackson wasn't hailing on.
What?
The one gal he wasn't playing pants off, dance off with.
What are you talking about, Shawn?
Call Hornstock and tell him we wanna move Priscilla...
To the top of the witness list.
Priscilla, isn't it true that you pined for Jackson Hale?
No.
Really chapped your chassis that he liked a lot of women but not you.
Objection, leading.
Overruled.
Made you feel like you weren't good enough.
No.
And Jackson Hale wasn't very picky either, was he?
And that just drove you nuts, didn't it?
No.
Talk about his hair or the way he smelled or something.
Priscilla, Jackson Hale's silver locks really revved your engine, didn't they?
And you wanted to be the lone lady of his desires.
But he acted like you weren't a human person with feelings and emotions and passions and dreams and lots of love in your heart.
You have so much to give and Jackson Hale was just too foolish to see how amazing you are.
And what life could have been like if he had taken a chance on you instead of all those other ladies with flaming eagles tattooed just above their sin cushions.
Yes, yes, yes!
I was his dream girl.
I was.
What else did I have to do to show him I was the one!
The one!
Prosecution requests a recess, frankly, to regroup.
Yeah, they do.
I think that the prosecution should dismiss all the charges, Your Honor.
Uh, both counsels approach the bench.
Tough break, Phelpsie.
Get your bony elbows off my bench.
Yes, sir.
Fine.
Judge, what we were thinking is maybe, uh, 250 grand.
You know, make this go away, yeah.
That's not how it works, Shawn.
How about...
Hey, objection.
Whispering to the witness.
Yeah, what the...
Mr.
Phelps, are you trying to be in contempt?
No, Judge.
But there will be no dropping of any charges because Priscilla didn't do it.
Yeah, sure she didn't.
Are you ready to go there?
Okay.
The prosecution is ready to question the witness.
It's your funeral, Phelpsie.
Okay.
Priscilla, isn't it true that you were at the Santa Bar Barbara pub, the night of Jackson Hale's murder?
Yes.
And is there someone who could vouch for your whereabouts the entire night?
Yup.
Mr.
Strode, can you please tell the court where you were the evening of March 5th?
Uh, the Santa Bar Barbara pub looking for the person who slipped a mickey into my sloe gin fizz the week before.
I see.
That was the best mickey I've ever been slipped.
I gotta find that guy and thank him.
Uh, Mr.
Strode, did you meet anyone on that night in question?
Oh, yes.
Hopefully my future bride.
And where did that night take you, exactly?
To my airstream for something the locals often refer to as sex.
Fantastic.
It was.
Now, Mr.
Strode, can you point to that lady here today?
I believe I can.
Please note, the witness is pointing to Priscilla Morgernstern.
She stayed the whole night which is rare for me.
Slept like an angel, shaft of morning light grazing her bosom, until she bolted upright and ran to the bathroom where she showered three times, brushed her teeth for almost an hour and left like a blaze of beautiful glory.
You see, Priscilla went to the bar that night to make her move on Jackson and finally let him know how she felt about him.
But Jackson already had his eyes on his next conquest, Sandra Panitch.
Oh.
Uh, objection.
Speculation.
Overruled.
So Priscilla got bleary-eyed drunk with this man, Mr.
Strode, who is literally the last guy left in the bar and she sloppily made one of the greatest beer goggle mistakes of all time.
Sandra Panitch left the bar that night with Jackson Hale and killed him in cold blood.
The evidence says that it is so.
Is this...
Is this it?
Here you go.
What's on the tape?
What's on the tape?
What's on the tape?
What's on...
Your Honor, the prosecution would like to present some new evidence.
You see the head TV technician at the station has been able to retrieve a backup copy of the video footage for the night of the murder off his hard drive and onto this VHS.
This tape, people, right here tells the story and is the final nail in Sandra Panitch's coffin.
So, this is where the news happens?
Oh, forget about the news.
This is all about the weather.
Hornstock, let me know when you're ready to plead to murder, too.
Sandra, the best advice I can give you, as a lawyer, is to take the plea.
Shawn, if it were you and you didn't do it, what would you do?
Look, Sandra, I'd...
Uh, don't fill her head with false hopes.
She's looking at life.
Take the plea.
Life?
Do not take the plea.
Hornstock, get back in there.
Buy us another hour with the judge, please.
Sandra, don't worry, okay?
I'm going to find something, somewhere.
You have my hand to head promise.
I got nothing.
The only problem is Hornstock is due back in court any minute now.
There's gotta be a hidden clue somewhere.
Go down there and stall.
I don't know how to do that, Shawn.
You are Matthew McConaughey, and this is your time to kill.
Now go.
Keep your shirt on, though.
My patience is running thinner, counselor.
If your consultants don't show up here soon, I'm going to send this jury off for deliberation.
No, no, no.
Sir, I really don't...
Why are you fidgeting?
Oh, well, I did have, um, a little issue during the break, sir, but I cleared it up with a Mylanta.
Your Honor, the state is still willing to accept the plea.
Obviously, counsel is crumbling and frankly it's hard to watch.
Ah.
Here comes one of them.
How'd Shawn do?
Nothing.
He's still on it.
What?
No, no.
It's too late.
I don't have...
I don't have any witnesses.
I don't have any motions.
Sandra, I'm sorry.
I got it.
Your Honor, at this juncture I...
Not just yet, Your Honor.
If I may, I'd like to address the court.
Objection, this man cannot address any court.
Young man, have you ever attended a law school?
Just Ms.
Finkleman's 6th grade class, sir, me, you and the law.
Well, it is under my discretion to allow any testimony that may speak to the truth in this case.
Tiny leash, go.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I would like to just, uh...
Just what?
Speak.
Excuse me, sir, but you are being rude.
Is it because I'm a yoot?
A what?
What's a yoot?
Oh, yoot, yoot.
It's youth.
It's from, uh, My Cousin Vinny.
Terrific film, sir.
Objection, your honor.
It's okay, decent at best.
I don't care what cousin it's coming from.
I'm about to hold you two in contempt.
Is the plea bargain just out?
Maybe you could go back now and get them...
Do something.
They beat up on a weakling.
The rest is just smoke-filled, coffee house crap.
They tortured and tormented a weaker kid.
And why, because he couldn't run very fast.
A Few Good Men.
Exactly.
I'm warning you.
You think you have a monopoly on the truth.
All right, that's it.
You are in contempt.
Wrong.
You want me on that wall.
You need me on that wall.
Bailiff, please remand this yoot into custody.
Come on, son.
Don't you, "Come on, son," me.
I am a lawyer and an officer in the United States Navy.
And you, sir, are under arrest, you son of a bitch.
Hey, do Bonfire. "
What does it matter the color of a man's skin "if men of the cloth, men of God, take the prime cuts."
I like that.
Me, too.
I hope they don't remake it. "
Dr.
Towler told me to change the form. "
He told me to change the one to a nine. "
He said I'd never work again. "
Who were these men?
Who were these men? "
I wanted to be a nurse!"
Yo, who was that last one?
From The Verdict.
Paul Newman.
Never saw it, but I like that dude's popcorn.
Shawn, I did it.
I did it.
Good job, buddy.
I'll take it from here.
Miss me?
Hey, Jules.
Bless you.
Ladies and gentleman of the court, juror number five and the honorable Judge H.
Lelees.
The defense would like to call to the stand Mr.
Mortimer Camp.
Objection.
Mr.
Camp is not on trial here and a psychic cannot speak to witnesses.
Judge, I now have evidence that will shine a shocking and vibrant light on this case.
Your Honor, after what we just saw, you couldn't possibly allow this.
Your Honor.
Mr.
Camp, your wife wanted a divorce, you did not.
True?
She was unhappy.
I understood.
Sometimes things are a lot more one-sided than we would like them to be, aren't they, Mr.
Camp?
For example, I can relate because I'm a psychic.
Which means love is even more difficult for me than it is for you.
But there is a woman in this courtroom, right now, a little slice of blonde perfection.
A perfectly formed beignet lightly dusted with powdered sugar and a badge.
First time that I saw her, I had a vision that we would be married.
And we would have so many kids that most of them would have to be put up for adoption.
Where are you going with this, Mr.
Spencer?
Judge, I can't answer that question for you.
I mean, we work together.
I feel like the two of you having a connection...
Wondering if it's real or...
Ah...
Was it real, how do you know?
You don't.
Mr.
Camp, you couldn't make your wife love you so that made you even more jealous, didn't it?
No more jealous than any other man would be in the same position.
She was lying to you.
She told you she was taking tennis lessons after work.
Did you really believe that?
Of course I did.
She's my wife.
I mean, look, I know I'm a really good looking newscaster and I could Aaron Eckhart my way around town.
No, no.
Not Aaron Eckhart.
Patrick Wilson my way around town.
Better.
You were deceived.
Here's the irony.
She was actually going to see a marriage therapist instead.
You're tennis lesson has been changed to 5:00 p.m.
today.
She was seeing Dr.
Rosen, the marriage therapist instead and if she had only told you that, perhaps you wouldn't have taken matters into your own hands.
You were convinced that she was cheating on you with Hale so you decided to catch them in the act.
Yes, so you laid, waiting in the station on the set 'cause you knew Jackson liked to take his ladies there to seduce them.
To film his trysts.
I guess some girls are turned on by a weather set.
You heard Jackson enter that night.
It was dark, shadowy.
You premeditated this murder but you were convinced it was your wife.
And you knew he'd bring her back to the studio where he secretly films his trysts.
Using the technician's green screen suit you knew you'd remain undetected.
You waited for them to drop out of frame...
And you knocked that poor girl out cold and stabbed you some Jackson Hale.
Then you noticed it wasn't Connie at all.
It was my client, Sandra Panitch, an innocent girl who walked into the deadly love triangle.
I did.
I did.
I walked right into it.
But I had one dr
But I'm gonna make it very easy on you because the prosecution will prove...
No, Shawn, I'm not nervous to testify.
You just gotta get up there and tell the truth.
The jury is not just one thing.
Strong individuals who each bring their own unique perspective into the courtroom.
It's a lawyer's job to read that perspective.
For instance, what do you notice about juror number three's shirt?
He's got a hole in his collar and it's buttoned all wrong.
Would Mommy ever let me leave the house looking like that?
Of course not.
So that tells me that this guy's single.
Which is gonna influence the way he thinks about the defendant because she's a young attractive woman.
You got it?
As the state's first witness, I would like to call...
Hey, come on, concentrate, Shawn.
One day you're gonna make me proud walking up the steps of this courthouse.
They impounded my motorcycle, Gus.
That's what they did.
What are you staring at?
The future, Shawn.
I have a personal GPS system in my phone.
It's like I'm starring in my own spy movie.
Oh, you were, until you got recast.
What?
Oh, God, no one told you?
What you talking about?
From here on out, you're gonna be played by Billy Bob Thornton.
Why would Billy Bob Thornton be the choice to play me?
He shouldn't be.
He also shouldn't have been the choice to replace Matthau, as Buttermaker in the Bad News Bears remake.
But that happened, didn't it, Gus?
I hate remakes.
It's infuriating Gus, you don't remake The Dukes of Hazzard.
The whole point of a remake is to choose something that showed serious promise but failed to live up to expectations.
I mean that's the magic of movies.
Oh, I feel you, but they add all those new characters that were super broad.
The whole subplot with the racecar driver.
He was terrible.
It was cartoonish.
It's weird.
It says I'm a friend of Wiffle Waffles on Harper Ave.
Hold the syrup.
Who's that?
Shawn, wait.
Shawn...
Relax.
Wait.
She's gonna be money.
Hi, there.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Robert Jones.
But you may call him Bob.
We would like to cast you in the remake of his life.
Don't pay him any mind.
My name is Burton Guster.
Hello.
Do you by chance know where the parking ticket payment window is?
You poor thing.
Yeah, I do actually.
It's down the hall to your left.
Then you're gonna make another left and then left again at the double doors.
Thank you again for your kindness.
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
Aw, Willy Wonka.
One of my favorites. "
Snozberry, who's ever heard of a snozberry? "
We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams."
I can't believe they remade it.
That's what I'm talking about.
Sorry, it's time for us to go.
Hi.
Okay.
By the way, have you seen my notebook?
It's a big blue thing.
It has all my notes in it.
No.
All right, well...
It was really nice to meet you guys.
Good luck with the tickets.
Yeah, we should go.
And so she walked out of our lives, forever.
Congratulations.
You are now a full-fledged fugitive.
Come on, man, you are the one that put waffles into my head.
Besides, I hardly think the court system expected me to wait in line that long.
That's exactly what they expected.
Ah.
Good morning, Connie.
Good morning, Morty.
Hey, Sun Up Santa Barbara!
I'm Morty Camp, and this sitting right next to me is my lovely wife, Connie Camp.
Oh, Morty.
Oh, come on.
Am I right?
This guy knows I'm right.
Man, you are so irascible.
No, I can't help it.
You know, 15 years of marriage and I'm still smitten.
I would take you over Kelly Ripa any day of the week.
And not just the weekdays.
That kind of love is beautiful, Shawn.
I wish I had what he has.
Well, Connie, roving reporter Ruben Leonard will be on location with a veterinarian who designs cosmetic testicles for neutered dogs.
Restoring their dog-nity.
And on a more downward note, one of our very own KRXJ family, weatherman Jackson Hale, was attacked right here at the station last month and, sadly, died from those injuries.
It's just a horrible shocking tragedy.
So, so shocking.
He was such a good man.
Hmm, the best.
And Monty he was so very handsome.
Oh, what a true Adonis.
What a head of hair on that guy.
Yeah.
Well, we'll bring you up to the minute coverage of the trial of his accused murderer.
Now, as promised, we take you live to the courthouse steps for a press conference already in progress.
Logan Phelps for the prosecution.
Sandra Panitch went with Jackson Hale to the Channel 8 news studio engaged in sexual relations, then stabbed him in the heart with a knife.
Hey, that's the girl we met in the hallway today that flirted with me.
It is.
Hello, there, my name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner Robert Jones.
Killer though, her?
Adam Hornstock, attorney for the defense.
Sandra Panitch has never been arrested for a crime in her life.
She is a pre-school teacher and spends most of her time baking for the...
She's a pre-school teacher...
For the...
Who bakes.
For the...
She's a bake lady, Gus.
Look at this poor guy.
Assistant league.
Assistance league.
Have you seen my notebook, by the way?
It's a big blue thing.
It's got all my notes in it.
Handkerchief in his left breast pocket.
It's not decorative.
It's used for dabbing sweat and a lot of it.
Nervous, discombobulated, unorganized.
Adam Hornstock may not know it yet, but he needs us.
Objection.
Excuse me, who are these guys?
And why are you in my courtroom?
I'm here to pay parking tickets, Your Majesty.
And we are also here as consultants for the defense.
Legal consultants?
♪ I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth ♪ I know, you know They just don't have any proof ♪ Embrace the deception Learn how to bend ♪ Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end ♪ Who are you guys?
I just met them this morning.
Name's Shawn Spencer.
Just set up a psychic detective shingle.
Don't have a business card, chap, but we're here to help.
Help?
Why's your arm around my shoulder?
It's really weird.
That's fair, you're right.
Gus.
Is your friend hitting on my client?
Not successfully.
Mr.
Hornstock, would you like to explain who these miscreants are?
Oh, yes I would your honor, more than anything in the world.
But may I have a moment?
For your sake, that's a good idea.
Five minute recess.
Recess?
That's odd.
Okay.
Hey, Phelps!
You a hopscotch man?
Oh, Hornstock, you hired babysitters.
Doesn't matter, you losing this case either way.
Okay, seriously, did my dad hire you guys or my brother?
I knew they didn't think I could handle this, they don't believe in me.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
I'm Burton Guster.
And I'm a legal expert of sorts.
You're a lawyer?
Almost a lawyer.
I was on the early track to become one.
In the sixth grade.
Plus I've seen every courtroom drama ever made.
That's true, he's like Debra Winger in Legal Eagles.
I'm Glenn Close in Jagged Edge and you know it.
I like both those movies.
Look, I can't hire you guys, I don't have the authority.
I have zero power.
I don't even have my own office.
Don't I have the authority?
Don't worry about that.
We're doing this one pro bono.
We are both professional bonos.
What?
Just give me one witness, Hornstock.
One witness.
Your honor.
We'd like to call our independent expert pathologist from Los Angeles.
Woodrow Juniper Strode.
Dr.
Strode.
You are a board-certified pathologist.
Is that correct?
I am.
And did you examine the body of Jackson Hale on the evening of his death and please do answer honestly, you are under oath.
I did.
And that evening, I ate an old school Salisbury steak TV dinner, but I ate the brownie first.
I know that was wrong.
This is your expert pathologist?
I'm only being honest.
I don't know if you heard, I'm under oath.
Yes or no, Doctor, please.
Yes.
Dr.
Strode.
What did you observe on the body...
Of Jackson Hale...
I don't think juror number five likes you at all.
She don't like me?
Oh, it's the tie.
What's wrong with the tie?
Well, it's a little bit...
It's...
Weigh in here, Gus.
I'm not doing this Shawn.
Come on, just tell him.
I'm not doing it.
Look at the tie and tell him what you think.
Gus, give me your tie.
What?
I feel like it's important.
This is my tie.
I bought it.
It's my tie, I...
A woman's life is hanging in the balance.
Uh, your honor?
Objection!
Irrelevant and inadmissible.
Sustained.
Really?
Yes, really.
You want to argue with me?
Oh, you guys are really good at this.
Tie is working.
Maybe we really have a shot at this.
You guys, we have a boner-fide defense team now.
Hey, Detective Lassiter and hello, junior detective.
Ow...
O'Hara.
What are you guys doing in the courthouse?
Detective Lassiter and I made the arrest of Sandra Panitch.
What are you staring at?
Your clavicle.
I'm here because it's my case.
It's also our case.
We just signed on to be legal consultants to the defense.
She's innocent, we know it.
Oh, you know.
Well that's good.
Apparently you know more than a legal system that's been established for over 200 years.
Two hundred years?
Do you have any idea how foolish you sound?
Two hundred, Gus.
It's cavemen with ties, suing dinosaurs.
I am caveman!
I invented wheel, not Croc.
Shawn.
You can't possibly be this stupid.
Come on, detective.
Wait.
I'm getting really strong vibes here.
What are you doing for the next eight years, because I'm sensing that we become very much involved.
You're way off on that, Shawn.
Do we have ups and downs?
Sure.
Mmm-hmm.
Like anyone, but I can see it so clearly.
Your corn silk hair nestled on this gentlemen's shoulder right in the crook.
O'Hara, shake a leg.
Never happening, Shawn.
Okay.
But you're adorable when you're in denial.
Do not talk to him.
Shawn, Gus, thank you again.
Oh, but now I have so much work to do.
All these depositions and witness reports to comb over.
I haven't even cracked open the Ruben Leonard file.
Can I count on your help?
Sorry, Hornstock it's just, uh, It's not the way we work.
I need to touch things, taste things and smell things.
Smell 'em?
And Gus doesn't even read.
We all have our strengths.
Ours are in front of the camera.
We're going live in five, four...
Okay, we are back, Santa Barbara.
Yeah.
And Morty and I are cozying up on the couch for one of our famous "Sip and Chat" segments.
You know, Connie, I never get sick of our theme music.
I love it.
Well, we are joined today by two very special guests.
Now they have just joined the defense team of the Jackson Hale trial.
Please welcome Shawn Spencer and Burteen Gusten.
Welcome.
Thank you so much, Connie and Morty.
Now, not to be a skeptic but I just don't think I've heard of a psychic detective before.
Have you Morty?
No, no, I have not.
No, Connie, no.
Yeah.
But it seems fascinating.
Hmm, for a children's party, maybe.
Well...
But for a murder trial?
Shawn, I mean, listen.
Sandra Panitch, she is facing some very serious charges, and I certainly don't want to try her in the court of public opinion.
No, no, no, no.
But I will say this.
Things do not look good for her.
No, they do not.
Oh, my...
Not to mention the shenanigans of her attorney...
Adam...
Is it Hornstock?
Is that it?
Hornstock.
Now he is an odd duck, isn't he?
Yeah.
Isn't that right?
Would you say that about him?
Yeah, I should say you two have your work cut out for you.
Doesn't make any sense.
Oh, Don't worry, don't worry.
I was pre-pre-pre-law.
Doogie Howser.
Well, you know, Jackson Hale was a colleague, but he was also a dear friend.
And I think we all just want justice.
And you know what else we want us to see?
You guys, when we come back after this short break.
Hey.
And we are clear.
Three minutes, everyone.
That's one hell of a pinky ring.
Thanks, thank you.
So, Shawn, I would get a huge kick out of you using your psychic powers, to tell me what I'm thinking right now.
Yeah, sure, I can do that.
There's a bit of pageantry involved.
So I'm just gonna need you to...
Oh, I'm not surprised.
Okay.
Trust the process.
Okay, well.
It's a physical process.
Mmm.
And here it is.
I think I've got it.
The thoughts that you're having about my partner...
Not suitable for a morning show.
You know, I'm getting something else right now, too.
It's pretty juicy.
You guys aren't even together right now, what's that about?
I don't think so.
Morty's not even staying at the house, Gus.
Yeah, he's chilling at a motel.
Really?
That can't be good, so your relationship's a sham then, which means this whole show is a sham.
Hey, get off my...
Back off!
Morty!
Yeah.
Sixty seconds, everyone.
All right.
Stop.
All right, look.
I don't know how you figured out any of that, but it's none of your business.
Everything in the psychic realm is my business, Jack.
All right, it's true, all right?
Our marriage is on the bends, but the network told us to keep it under wraps for the sake of the show.
There is more to it than that.
We're working it out.
We really are.
'Cause I gotta say this whole Jackson Hale murder thing has just really made me appreciate the frailty of life.
I mean, he's out there gallivanting around with all these women.
I warned him.
It gets him killed.
It gets him killed.
Also, I don't mind saying being single in this town is worse than death.
You know, and I have started to come to realize very, very, very recently that I have a man right next to me and he is just fine.
And look, I mean, I know, I'm a really good looking newscaster and I could Aaron Eckhart my way around town if I wanted.
Aaron Eckhart?
Well, whatever, I can Jim Caviezel my way around town if I want to.
We would just appreciate if you would keep this under wraps.
Hey.
MORTY: Please, for the sake of crew morale.
What?
Miss Camp, your tennis lesson was changed to 5:00 p.m.
today.
Thank you, Priscilla.
Mr.
Spencer?
That's me.
And friend.
I'm Priscilla Morgenstern.
I'm the receptionist here.
I was told that you would like a tour of the studio.
Well, if you are the studio then, yes, that's correct.
And then we'd like to see where this horrible murder took place.
All right, let's walk the crime.
You're standing exactly right where it happened.
So grizzly.
All right, Priscilla, what am I looking at?
What is this?
This is a green screen, so we can superimpose any images of the weather we would like onto it.
He would bring a girl back to where he does the weather?
Was this a typical Friday night for him?
I didn't really know him enough to say.
Rumor has it he was into some pretty kinky stuff.
I guess some girls like a weather set and camera.
Gus does the same thing, but he's the only one in the videos.
My typical Friday night is alone on my couch eating leftover shishito peppers and watching Jericho.
Really?
Follow me.
Guess there's a lid for every pot.
Yeah.
This is where we keep all our newscasters' offices, our editing bays, also several notices for cat sitters if you need any.
Hey, hey, hey!
This here is the break room?
Are those snacks?
Are they free?
May we partake?
I just need a little something to hold me over...
Visitors don't get snacks.
This also doubles as Ruben Leonard's office.
He is our roving human interests reporter.
Although most of his stories are usually neither of those things.
Ruben is taking over as our temporary weatherman.
I hardly he cracked open the Ruben Leonard file.
Priscilla, do you know where Ruben is roving at this very moment?
Gus, this is exactly what it feels like to walk on the moon if the moon was black.
The moon is black, Shawn.
What?
The moon is black and Jesus is black and Grimace is black.
End of story.
Oh, Gus.
I think that's Ruben Leonard.
Is he dead?
I don't know.
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben!
Ruben Leonard!
He's alive.
He's alive.
I'm good.
I'm...
I'm good.
I just have scoliosis right on my back, so uneven surfaces are not my friend.
All right.
Okay.
I see.
Well, my name is Shawn Spencer.
I'm a psychic detective.
This is Gus.
He's my black Cameron.
We are legal consultants on the Jackson Hale murder trial.
We'd like to ask you a few questions.
Oh, I'm about to go on the air live and I need to practice this so I don't look like a complete idiot.
Do you have until 2007?
What was your relationship with Jackson Hale?
I admired him greatly.
But isn't it true that you, too, wanted to be a weatherman?
Oh, I love the weather but I could never do what he did, I mean...
So, you really enjoy getting up at 4:00 a.m.
and covering the Gilotta's Seniors Bake-Off and Poetry Jam?
You know, I do.
But, what can I say?
I'm a fan of the arts.
Ruben!
We're ready.
Okay.
Gus, We got this guy.
Hello, I'm Ruben Leonard and all these kids are jumping for charity.
Oh!
Boy, I didn't see that...
Direct hit.
Ooh!
Your witness, Mr.
Hornstock.
Let's go.
JUDGE: You're going to question him or not?
Oh, shoot, my father's here.
He's come to watch me fail.
Huh?
Wait!
You don't think Ruben Leonard had anything to do with the murder, do you?
Not really, no.
But if we can get one member of that jury to ask the same question, we're in business.
Start with this.
Mr.
Leonard, you are a meteorologist, aren't you?
I am, indeed.
But not on the air.
No, not thus far.
Well, maybe that's because you don't have a meteorologist's name.
I don't follow.
Well, if I was to look up the name "Leonard" in say, a weather glossary, would I see a definition?
No, you wouldn't.
Where is this going?
Yes, Mr.
Hornstock, where is this going?
Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor, it's just that every successful weatherman that I know has a real weatherman's name.
Jackson Hale, for example.
That isn't even his real name.
Precisely!
Have ever considered going by the name Cumulus Jaycott?
That's ridiculous.
Is it though?
How about Aurora Borealis?
Humid Lazenby?
Frozen Diamond Doppler Dew...
I'm just fine with my name.
Hurricane Carter?
Leaf Garrett?
How about Blizzardo?
Or maybe Tsunami Ali?
Puddles Takahama, Dr.
Jekyll and Mr.
High Tide.
Dick Ice Luge!
I have a degree in meteorology from the University of Virginia and I was junior Tornado Watch captain for seven years.
Jackson Hale had a degree in physical education from a junior college and a Masters in grab ass.
He was worthless.
He was worthless.
And he was an embarrassment to every real meteorologist like myself.
And he should have been stabbed in the heart a long time ago.
Thank you.
Objection!
A little late for that, don't you think, counselor?
That's the kind of confidence I'm talking about.
We are on our way to winning this thing.
That was awesome.
But...
First, we make nice and nice with Rubes and then we find evidence that sends him to the chair.
Boom!
Happy Monday, Priscilla.
It's Thursday.
I don't think that's true.
Did I mention that Gus, here, is single and ready to mingle?
It's true.
Where's Ruben?
He's about to do the weather.
He should be on the sound stage right now.
No, you cannot just go in there.
It's okay.
We're on-air personalities.
Thank you.
Probably a buckle.
Oh, yeah.
It's coming, it's coming.
Just won't budge at all...
Uh-oh, Gus.
Uh-oh what?
Uh-oh, Ruben.
This better be good, Spencer.
Trust me, Lassie, this was well worth the trip.
Shawn.
Dad?
Get over here now.
He's probably lost.
Just give me one second, you guys.
What are you doing here?
No, what are you doing here at Sun Up Santa Barbara making an ass out of yourself?
What, you guys think you're lawyers now?
Yeah, minus the law degree or whatever else is required.
Note to self, that would make a heck of a TV show.
That is my name you're throwing around out there and I've got a reputation in this town.
Would you relax.
We're doing whatever we have to do to find out who really killed Jackson Hale.
Spencer, I don't have all day.
I'm speaking with my maker.
Fine.
This is not some silly game and you better not treat it like one.
I'm doing my damnedest here to make you proud in as a subdued and civilized manner as I know how.
After all, you taught me everything I know.
Okay, thanks.
I, uh...
I appreciate that.
Good talk, pop.
Thanks for coming by.
Psychic vision time, baby.
I am sensing that Ruben Leonard hated Jackson Hale because he was an untouchable weatherman who liked to be touched by the la-la-la-ladies.
Ruben knew he would never get a chance to be weatherman as long as Jackson was still around.
So he decided to pay him a visit at the station.
On the night that he was pumpernickeling Sandra Panitch.
And that is when he killed him.
In cold blood.
That is edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff there, Spencer, but you have no evidence.
Is that the murder weapon?
Where's Ruben now?
He's getting ready to do the weather.
Crap.
So, Santa Barbara, if you've got...
Like I was saying, if you've got, um, big plans this weekend, keep those fingers crossed because rain...
It's coming.
Why are you looking at me like that?
The guilt is eating him alive.
Stop looking at me like that.
It's all lies.
He's going to make a run for it.
He can't make a run for it, can he?
No, I don't think so, no.
I'll tell you what else is lies.
These accusations that I killed Jackson Hale.
Lies.
Should I do something?
Lies.
What the hell are you gonna do?
I did not kill that silver-headed man-slut.
Sure you didn't.
And neither did Sandra Panitch.
But I'll tell you...
I'll tell you who did do it.
We'll be right back.
All right, there's one thing here we know for certain.
This proves that Sandra isn't our killer.
Gus is right.
She's in custody, no way she could have poisoned Ruben.
Slow your roll there, detective.
We don't know that Ruben was poisoned.
For all we know, this man died of a heart attack.
All I know is that Jackson had a lot of girlfriends and, trust me, I know from experience, you can't keep them all happy.
You feel me.
Anyone?
Amen.
Gus just made us all feel very awkward, but he could be right.
Maybe we should be looking at all the other women that Jackson was...
Hi.
Did I mention that Gus here is single and ready to mingle?
Dude, you're dead wrong.
We should be looking at the one woman Jackson wasn't hailing on.
What?
The one gal he wasn't playing pants off, dance off with.
What are you talking about, Shawn?
Call Hornstock and tell him we wanna move Priscilla...
To the top of the witness list.
Priscilla, isn't it true that you pined for Jackson Hale?
No.
Really chapped your chassis that he liked a lot of women but not you.
Objection, leading.
Overruled.
Made you feel like you weren't good enough.
No.
And Jackson Hale wasn't very picky either, was he?
And that just drove you nuts, didn't it?
No.
Talk about his hair or the way he smelled or something.
Priscilla, Jackson Hale's silver locks really revved your engine, didn't they?
And you wanted to be the lone lady of his desires.
But he acted like you weren't a human person with feelings and emotions and passions and dreams and lots of love in your heart.
You have so much to give and Jackson Hale was just too foolish to see how amazing you are.
And what life could have been like if he had taken a chance on you instead of all those other ladies with flaming eagles tattooed just above their sin cushions.
Yes, yes, yes!
I was his dream girl.
I was.
What else did I have to do to show him I was the one!
The one!
Prosecution requests a recess, frankly, to regroup.
Yeah, they do.
I think that the prosecution should dismiss all the charges, Your Honor.
Uh, both counsels approach the bench.
Tough break, Phelpsie.
Get your bony elbows off my bench.
Yes, sir.
Fine.
Judge, what we were thinking is maybe, uh, 250 grand.
You know, make this go away, yeah.
That's not how it works, Shawn.
How about...
Hey, objection.
Whispering to the witness.
Yeah, what the...
Mr.
Phelps, are you trying to be in contempt?
No, Judge.
But there will be no dropping of any charges because Priscilla didn't do it.
Yeah, sure she didn't.
Are you ready to go there?
Okay.
The prosecution is ready to question the witness.
It's your funeral, Phelpsie.
Okay.
Priscilla, isn't it true that you were at the Santa Bar Barbara pub, the night of Jackson Hale's murder?
Yes.
And is there someone who could vouch for your whereabouts the entire night?
Yup.
Mr.
Strode, can you please tell the court where you were the evening of March 5th?
Uh, the Santa Bar Barbara pub looking for the person who slipped a mickey into my sloe gin fizz the week before.
I see.
That was the best mickey I've ever been slipped.
I gotta find that guy and thank him.
Uh, Mr.
Strode, did you meet anyone on that night in question?
Oh, yes.
Hopefully my future bride.
And where did that night take you, exactly?
To my airstream for something the locals often refer to as sex.
Fantastic.
It was.
Now, Mr.
Strode, can you point to that lady here today?
I believe I can.
Please note, the witness is pointing to Priscilla Morgernstern.
She stayed the whole night which is rare for me.
Slept like an angel, shaft of morning light grazing her bosom, until she bolted upright and ran to the bathroom where she showered three times, brushed her teeth for almost an hour and left like a blaze of beautiful glory.
You see, Priscilla went to the bar that night to make her move on Jackson and finally let him know how she felt about him.
But Jackson already had his eyes on his next conquest, Sandra Panitch.
Oh.
Uh, objection.
Speculation.
Overruled.
So Priscilla got bleary-eyed drunk with this man, Mr.
Strode, who is literally the last guy left in the bar and she sloppily made one of the greatest beer goggle mistakes of all time.
Sandra Panitch left the bar that night with Jackson Hale and killed him in cold blood.
The evidence says that it is so.
Is this...
Is this it?
Here you go.
What's on the tape?
What's on the tape?
What's on the tape?
What's on...
Your Honor, the prosecution would like to present some new evidence.
You see the head TV technician at the station has been able to retrieve a backup copy of the video footage for the night of the murder off his hard drive and onto this VHS.
This tape, people, right here tells the story and is the final nail in Sandra Panitch's coffin.
So, this is where the news happens?
Oh, forget about the news.
This is all about the weather.
Hornstock, let me know when you're ready to plead to murder, too.
Sandra, the best advice I can give you, as a lawyer, is to take the plea.
Shawn, if it were you and you didn't do it, what would you do?
Look, Sandra, I'd...
Uh, don't fill her head with false hopes.
She's looking at life.
Take the plea.
Life?
Do not take the plea.
Hornstock, get back in there.
Buy us another hour with the judge, please.
Sandra, don't worry, okay?
I'm going to find something, somewhere.
You have my hand to head promise.
I got nothing.
The only problem is Hornstock is due back in court any minute now.
There's gotta be a hidden clue somewhere.
Go down there and stall.
I don't know how to do that, Shawn.
You are Matthew McConaughey, and this is your time to kill.
Now go.
Keep your shirt on, though.
My patience is running thinner, counselor.
If your consultants don't show up here soon, I'm going to send this jury off for deliberation.
No, no, no.
Sir, I really don't...
Why are you fidgeting?
Oh, well, I did have, um, a little issue during the break, sir, but I cleared it up with a Mylanta.
Your Honor, the state is still willing to accept the plea.
Obviously, counsel is crumbling and frankly it's hard to watch.
Ah.
Here comes one of them.
How'd Shawn do?
Nothing.
He's still on it.
What?
No, no.
It's too late.
I don't have...
I don't have any witnesses.
I don't have any motions.
Sandra, I'm sorry.
I got it.
Your Honor, at this juncture I...
Not just yet, Your Honor.
If I may, I'd like to address the court.
Objection, this man cannot address any court.
Young man, have you ever attended a law school?
Just Ms.
Finkleman's 6th grade class, sir, me, you and the law.
Well, it is under my discretion to allow any testimony that may speak to the truth in this case.
Tiny leash, go.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I would like to just, uh...
Just what?
Speak.
Excuse me, sir, but you are being rude.
Is it because I'm a yoot?
A what?
What's a yoot?
Oh, yoot, yoot.
It's youth.
It's from, uh, My Cousin Vinny.
Terrific film, sir.
Objection, your honor.
It's okay, decent at best.
I don't care what cousin it's coming from.
I'm about to hold you two in contempt.
Is the plea bargain just out?
Maybe you could go back now and get them...
Do something.
They beat up on a weakling.
The rest is just smoke-filled, coffee house crap.
They tortured and tormented a weaker kid.
And why, because he couldn't run very fast.
A Few Good Men.
Exactly.
I'm warning you.
You think you have a monopoly on the truth.
All right, that's it.
You are in contempt.
Wrong.
You want me on that wall.
You need me on that wall.
Bailiff, please remand this yoot into custody.
Come on, son.
Don't you, "Come on, son," me.
I am a lawyer and an officer in the United States Navy.
And you, sir, are under arrest, you son of a bitch.
Hey, do Bonfire. "
What does it matter the color of a man's skin "if men of the cloth, men of God, take the prime cuts."
I like that.
Me, too.
I hope they don't remake it. "
Dr.
Towler told me to change the form. "
He told me to change the one to a nine. "
He said I'd never work again. "
Who were these men?
Who were these men? "
I wanted to be a nurse!"
Yo, who was that last one?
From The Verdict.
Paul Newman.
Never saw it, but I like that dude's popcorn.
Shawn, I did it.
I did it.
Good job, buddy.
I'll take it from here.
Miss me?
Hey, Jules.
Bless you.
Ladies and gentleman of the court, juror number five and the honorable Judge H.
Lelees.
The defense would like to call to the stand Mr.
Mortimer Camp.
Objection.
Mr.
Camp is not on trial here and a psychic cannot speak to witnesses.
Judge, I now have evidence that will shine a shocking and vibrant light on this case.
Your Honor, after what we just saw, you couldn't possibly allow this.
Your Honor.
Mr.
Camp, your wife wanted a divorce, you did not.
True?
She was unhappy.
I understood.
Sometimes things are a lot more one-sided than we would like them to be, aren't they, Mr.
Camp?
For example, I can relate because I'm a psychic.
Which means love is even more difficult for me than it is for you.
But there is a woman in this courtroom, right now, a little slice of blonde perfection.
A perfectly formed beignet lightly dusted with powdered sugar and a badge.
First time that I saw her, I had a vision that we would be married.
And we would have so many kids that most of them would have to be put up for adoption.
Where are you going with this, Mr.
Spencer?
Judge, I can't answer that question for you.
I mean, we work together.
I feel like the two of you having a connection...
Wondering if it's real or...
Ah...
Was it real, how do you know?
You don't.
Mr.
Camp, you couldn't make your wife love you so that made you even more jealous, didn't it?
No more jealous than any other man would be in the same position.
She was lying to you.
She told you she was taking tennis lessons after work.
Did you really believe that?
Of course I did.
She's my wife.
I mean, look, I know I'm a really good looking newscaster and I could Aaron Eckhart my way around town.
No, no.
Not Aaron Eckhart.
Patrick Wilson my way around town.
Better.
You were deceived.
Here's the irony.
She was actually going to see a marriage therapist instead.
You're tennis lesson has been changed to 5:00 p.m.
today.
She was seeing Dr.
Rosen, the marriage therapist instead and if she had only told you that, perhaps you wouldn't have taken matters into your own hands.
You were convinced that she was cheating on you with Hale so you decided to catch them in the act.
Yes, so you laid, waiting in the station on the set 'cause you knew Jackson liked to take his ladies there to seduce them.
To film his trysts.
I guess some girls are turned on by a weather set.
You heard Jackson enter that night.
It was dark, shadowy.
You premeditated this murder but you were convinced it was your wife.
And you knew he'd bring her back to the studio where he secretly films his trysts.
Using the technician's green screen suit you knew you'd remain undetected.
You waited for them to drop out of frame...
And you knocked that poor girl out cold and stabbed you some Jackson Hale.
Then you noticed it wasn't Connie at all.
It was my client, Sandra Panitch, an innocent girl who walked into the deadly love triangle.
I did.
I did.
I walked right into it.
But I had one dr