Émission TV: American Dad! - 1x13
[Chorus] Good morning, U.S.A.
[Roger] Previously on American Dad.
I forbid you to do that play!
You forbid me?
Ha!
I'm not going to fire you, Smith.
I'm going to promote you.
It will require you and your family to relocate.
[Stan] Wait a minute.!
This isn't a promotion.
Saudi Arabia is a dry country.
You think that's something?
Wait till you hear the rules about women.
Surprise!
I got us a second wife.
How much for the woman?
Woman?
Oh, no, that's just Rog- Sold.
I am a man.!
I've decided to give you your old job back.
Sir, I kind of like it here.
What about your family?
I officially renounce our American citizenship.
The Smiths are staying in Saudi Arabia forever!
Francine, Thundercat, there's no need to fight over me.
I love you both equally.
What?
Francine, we live in Saudi Arabia now, and in Saudi Arabia...
Daddy makes the decisions, Mommy makes a sandwich.
Mommy makes a sandwich.
You've lost it, Stan.
Has your boss called to offer you your job back yet?
Nope, he didn't call me an hour ago.
Or maybe it wasn't more like an hour and a half ago.
Mmm!
Delicious sandwich, Number One.
I'm sorry.
She's in the lead now.
She got 50 points for making the sandwich.
Oh, yeah, there's points.
Get back here, whore!
It's okay.
I respect your right to chase me.
Aah!
Son of a bitch!
My face!
Damn it!
Aah!
[Gulps] Oh, there you are.
Hey, you know a woman can't be out in public unescorted by a man.
You know this harlot?
She is my sister.
Right, Sis?
Uh, yeah.
[Man] All units to the northeast corner of the casbah.!
220 in progress!
220?
Someone just spotted a woman's ankles.
Let's move.
You should be more careful around the police of vice and virtue.
Do you want to get stoned?
Yes!
Oh, my God!
It's been, like, forever.
You would like to be buried up to your neck...
and have a crowd of angry men throw rocks at your head?
Oh.
No.
Normally, I wouldn't come to the aid of an American.
Your country's foreign policy is despicable...
your culture is crude, and your gluttony and greed make me sick.
You are so hot.
Whoa.
That thing came out of nowhere.
[Starter Firing] [Sighs] I'm stranded in the middle of a desert...
with no food, no water, but at least...
I finally get to see Angelina Jolie's sweet...
supple- No!
I'm gonna kill Steve.
Selling me to some stranger.
And he didn't even haggle.
By the way...
these baskets go for, like, 80 bucks at Pier One.
I bet you paid, what, like 50 cents?
Be honest.
Silence!
You were not purchased for your opinions.
You were purchased to be a wife.
Wife?
Look, bub, I'm not marrying you!
Of course you're not marrying me.
You're marrying him.
Well, a girl can't hold out forever.
The Iraq war was a travesty.
Exactly.
It's like the whole unilateral preemption thing is- [Together] An insupportable doctrine with inevitable negative...
repercussions on the geopolitical stage!
Hey, you want to get dinner?
Ooh, now is not good.
I have a meeting.
I'm in this secret group called Al-Qae- "Al-qae-holics" Anonymous?
Hayley, promise me you won't go near the American embassy.
The embassy?
Oh, my God, you're a- Oh, Kazim, no!
Look, I hate America's policies too...
but there are other ways.
Oh, Hayley...
perhaps if I had met such an incredible Western girl years ago.
But it's not too late!
You can't- No.
I must.
It is written.
Nothing is written.
It's so good to have Stan working with us on the pipeline...
and not for the- yuck- United States.
Imperialist swine.
They want to enslave all Arabs.
You know damn well that America does not want to enslave all Arabs.
Just the ones who have oil.
Am I right, fellas?
Yeah.
Americans.
Ha!
Bunch of douche bags.
Praise Allah.
[Ringing] Bullock here.
Deputy Director Bullock, will you please offer Stan his job back?
Francine, what a surprise.
I already offered Stan his job back.
He said no.
[Screams] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia...
but I'm the real fish out of water.
Seriously, I'm dying.
Okay.
I'm cool.
Whatever life throws at me, I can take it...
because I am a strong, independent black woman.
I mean, white teenager.
Oh, God!
I'm gonna die out here!
Lord, please send me some water or food or- [Thunder Rumbling] Or Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie's fine.
Your beverage, Princess.
Thank you, Zacharias.
Oh, Zacharias, this is a Tom Collins.
Whatever you did this time, write it down because you nailed it.
You freakin' nailed it.
There's my desert flower.
Uh, what ya doin'?
Preparing to consort with my newest and loveliest concubine.
Consort?
Consort!
Whoa!
Whoa.
Nuh-uh!
Now, l-I don't know what you've heard...
about American girls, but we don't go hopping...
into bed with some guy we only just met!
Oh, Hayley, that was so wonderful.
But now I'm so confused.
It's like I'm not sure who I am anymore.
Why, because of that thing I did with my finger?
Look, we tried something weird, and you liked it.
That's doesn't make- Oh, you're talking about the terrorism thing.
Oh, oh, you know what else I hate about America?
New Mexico.
Like we need another one of those.
[Francine] Stan Smith.!
Deputy Director Bullock offered you your job back...
and you turned him down?
You lied to me, Stan!
You're right.
And it was a mistake to lie.
You know why?
Because I didn't have to.
Because I'm the man, and what I say goes.
And I say Saudi Arabia's the greatest country in the world.
Greatest country in the world?
We packed our bags We hopped a plane We left our happy home Uh, Francine, singing's kind of illegal here.
The culture seemed a bit insane But you said Hey, when in Rome Seriously, Francine, ix-nay on the inging- Maybe you've got no reason to complain But I've got no "Y" chromosome So, here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia.
Hit it!
You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand No alcohol, no rum and Cokes and no Dom P�rignon At least a girl can have a smoke But not on Ramadan!
Oh, it's a land of joy If you are a boy But if you are a girl It's the worst place in the world Okay, Francine, we get it.
Oh, but I'm just getting started.
American girls we do Pilates Starve ourselves until we're hotties Why Because we like our bodies Check me out you uptight Saudis Oh, it's so awfully grand Come on, Francine stop singing If you are a man I'm only backup singing If you don't take me home soon, Stan I think I'm gonna hurl It's the worst place in the world I started this point system, and she's way behind.
I only want to see the world explore and socialize But in this town I can't so much as look at other guys 'Cause if I did they'd call me harlot, whore, adulteress I bet my last riyal you fellas won't approve of this Who wants a kiss?
It's great if you're from Mars But not if you're from Venus If you want to drive a car You'd better have a penis So if you've got a vagina Ooh!
A vulva Yeee!
A clitoris What is a clitoris?
And a labia You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia Whore!
Stan!
Singing in public, dancing in public, indecent exposure.
Stan, you need to go to the U.S.
Embassy and get help.
Oh, sure, one little snag and we go running back to the imperialist pig dogs.
Will you have a little faith in the Saudi legal system?
Let me tell you about the Saudi legal system.
I've been in here for 23 years, and you know what I did?
I stole a candy bar.
I don't believe you.
My hand to God.
So I'm going to head over to the embassy.
Yeah, good idea.
Listen, honey, this isn't a good time.
L- I'm riding the cotton camel right now.
Know what I mean?
You need not be embarrassed, my little hyacinth.
[Funk] Wow, this is so not how I pictured my first time.
Now I know how Brenda Walsh felt on prom night.
What is this you speak of?
You know, Shannen Doherty on 90210...
goes to the prom with brooding rebel Dylan McKay...
grapples with a decision to lose her virginity?
Your story intrigues me.
Tell me of this glorious epic.
Glorious epic?
Wow, you just made Aaron Spelling's year.
Okay, okay.
I'll tell you the tale, but it could take a while.
And when you are done, we will make the beast with two backs?
I can't believe you have to pay for wives.
You're such a charmer.
Anyway, once upon a time there was a magical place...
where Beemers glistened in the parking lot...
and all the teenagers were white and in their 30s.
Wow, Angelina Jolie!
I have so many questions to ask you.
Is that whole thing about you sleeping with knives in the bed true?
I'm not Angelina Jolie, Steve.
I'm God.
I simply chose the form most pleasing to you.
Oh, you're God.
So is that thing about Angelina Jolie sleeping with knives in the bed true?
Yeah.
It's messed up, isn't it?
I'm glad you showed up.
I guess I sort of got carried away...
with this whole "being a man" thing, huh?
You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it.
So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer?
Because it doesn't last forever.
Hey, can I see your boobs?
What?
Come on, baby.
L- I mean, God.
All right.
But be warned- a single glance at the rack of infinite wisdom...
could drive a man to madness.
Oh, now I have to see them.
Awesome.
[Screams] Mmm.
Now I know how a kebab feels.
[Gasps] [Kazim's Voice] My darling, Hayley, you have moved me beyond words...
but I must now fulfill my destiny.
Farewell forever, Kazim.
P.S.
Stay away from the U.S.
Embassy.
The embassy!
Move!
Out of my way!
Oh, no!
No!
Shwarma King!
Get your shwarma!
Kazim?
Hayley, l- I thought we talked about you not coming to the embassy.
You work at Shwarma King?
[Laughing] Let me guess.
He tricked you into thinking he was a terrorist so you'd have sex with him.
He does that with all the American girls.
Shwarma?
May I help you?
Yes, my wife's in jail.
You see, she- I don't need to hear it.
She's an American.
We'll have her out in time for dinner.
I'll just need your passport.
Yeah, passport.
Uh, funny story.
[Laughs] Let me guess.
Monkey stole it?
No.
Monkey ate it?
No.
Why do you think there's a monkey?
You said it was a funny story.
I just assumed it involved nature's clown.
No, I renounced our citizenship and burned our passports.
Well, that's not funny.
That's not funny at all.
Your wife's in real trouble, man.
[Laughs] [Object Shatters] Monkey!
And I knew the show was dead when they started...
giving the guy from the Peach Pit his own stories.
Like I care if Nat couldn't read.
Click.
Delightful.
What a riveting tale!
Okay, time for sex.
Uh, uh, hey...
if you like that story- No, no, y-you wouldn't wanna hear about it.
Hear about what?
Oh, another enchanted place...
just to the east of Beverly Hills.
A place called Melrose.
People of Saudi Arabia, I have gone into the wilderness...
and I have spoken with God.
In the beginning, my children, light was separated from darkness- And so, by dividing up the disputed territories thusly...
Israelis and Palestinians can finally coexist in peace.
He's right.
That would work.
Peace in the Middle East.
All praise Steve Smith!
Whoa, whoa, fellas.
Don't praise me.
Praise God.
She's the one who came up with all this stuff.
[Gasping] I'm- I'm sorry.
Did you say "she"?
Yeah, God's a woman.
Oh, I think I see what happened.
You thought it was a woman, but really God was a guy in drag.
No, no.
This was definitely a woman.
She had boobs and everything.
Oh, so God's a man, but he has fake boobs...
'cause that's just how he rolls, right?
No, guys, this was a woman.
You're missing the point.
We need to ride toJerusalem and- I've got it!
I know what it is!
God was born with two sets of genitals, and the doctors- No!
Look, God is a woman!
God...
is...
a...
woman.
Geez!
Well, now we gotta kill him.
Too bad.
He had some good ideas.
And then she climbed up onto our camel...
and...
danced.
[All Gasp] Don't panic.
I got you the best lawyer in Saudi Arabia.
I'm sorry, counselor.
What did you say your name is?
Irv Rosenblatt.
Guilty!
Every single case!
Oy, this is a tough town.
Please, Your Honor.
I won't last in prison.
Well, then, this is your lucky day.
I sentence you to...
death by stoning!
Stan, don't let them stone me!
Your Honor, this is all my fault.
If anyone should be stoned, it's me.
Sorry.
Stone me with her.
I'm an American.
And in America, marriage is an equal partnership.
So if she dies, I die with her.
Stan, that's very noble, but I'm doing this alone, and that's final.
Francine, I forbid it.
While I'm sure that's a meaningful callback to an earlier conversation...
I must point out that you're a man...
and you have broken no laws.
So what does a guy have to do to get stoned around here?
We're not big on homosexuality.
[Sighs] I'm gay.
Stone me.
I don't know.
It didn't seem like you were really into it.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Stone him.
[Man] This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.!
Shwarma King and Clear Channel present...
Stone Mayhem '05.!
Where the crowd gets loud and the infidels get rocked.
Admission covers the entire seat, but you'll only need the edge.!
Don't worry, Francine.
Steve's out there somewhere.
The Smith name shall live on.
Sorry, Dad.
I had an epiphany in the desert...
I became a prophet, and then my disciples betrayed me...
when I said God's a woman.
[Laughs] Teenagers.
Anyway, the Smith name could still live on.
Hayley's a filthy liberal.
She'll probably hyphenate.
Yeah, I'm here too.
I put a shwarma guy in a coma.
Well, I guess this is it.
I'll see most of you in heaven.
Hayley, it's been a crazy ride.
[Man On P.A.] Attention, stone-throwers.
Two minutes till the stoning.
We could sure use a miracle right about now.
[All] President Bush!
Howdy, Saudis.
Democracy has arrived.
[Cheering] [Rock] [Ends] Looks like I got here just in time.
Hey, it's snowing.
["Auld Lang Syne"] Look, Mr.
President.
Teacher says every time a bell rings...
an oppressive autocracy gets freedom.
That's right.
That's right.
Attaboy, Clarence.
Days of auld lang syne [Humming] [Francine] Wake up.!
What, what, what?
Damn!
Oh, God, we're all going to die...
and our lives meant nothing, absolutely nothing!
L- I mean, uh, something comforting.
Stone-throwers ready?
[Drumroll] [Cell Phone Ringing] That's me.
Sorry.
Hang on.
Yello.
Oh, hello, sir.
[Man, Indistinct] What?
But they're infidels.
Fine.
Great.
Rock blocked.
You're free to go.
[Cheering] [Crowd Jeering] Ow!
It's over, Thundercat.
Whore.
I can't believe it.
What do you think happened?
Okay, beast with two backs.
Now.
Oh, that's what all the fuss is about?
Oh, yeah, okay.
No problem.
Gee, Dad, less than 24 hours ago, you hated America.
[Laughs] Shut the hell up, Hayley.
But you know, I will admit, America's got its flaws.
Really, Dad?
Like what?
[Intro] Well, there's Free speech and there's gun control and lousy Democrats The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat The women have careers and form opinions of their own We let our wives control our lives Damn, it's good to be home Our life's not always great In these United States But remember boys and girls It's not the worst place In the world It's not the worst place in the world, yeah, yeah Oh, and, uh, what happens in Saudi Arabia...
stays in Saudi Arabia.
Okay?
Seriously.
Bye-bye.
See you soon.
[Roger] Previously on American Dad.
I forbid you to do that play!
You forbid me?
Ha!
I'm not going to fire you, Smith.
I'm going to promote you.
It will require you and your family to relocate.
[Stan] Wait a minute.!
This isn't a promotion.
Saudi Arabia is a dry country.
You think that's something?
Wait till you hear the rules about women.
Surprise!
I got us a second wife.
How much for the woman?
Woman?
Oh, no, that's just Rog- Sold.
I am a man.!
I've decided to give you your old job back.
Sir, I kind of like it here.
What about your family?
I officially renounce our American citizenship.
The Smiths are staying in Saudi Arabia forever!
Francine, Thundercat, there's no need to fight over me.
I love you both equally.
What?
Francine, we live in Saudi Arabia now, and in Saudi Arabia...
Daddy makes the decisions, Mommy makes a sandwich.
Mommy makes a sandwich.
You've lost it, Stan.
Has your boss called to offer you your job back yet?
Nope, he didn't call me an hour ago.
Or maybe it wasn't more like an hour and a half ago.
Mmm!
Delicious sandwich, Number One.
I'm sorry.
She's in the lead now.
She got 50 points for making the sandwich.
Oh, yeah, there's points.
Get back here, whore!
It's okay.
I respect your right to chase me.
Aah!
Son of a bitch!
My face!
Damn it!
Aah!
[Gulps] Oh, there you are.
Hey, you know a woman can't be out in public unescorted by a man.
You know this harlot?
She is my sister.
Right, Sis?
Uh, yeah.
[Man] All units to the northeast corner of the casbah.!
220 in progress!
220?
Someone just spotted a woman's ankles.
Let's move.
You should be more careful around the police of vice and virtue.
Do you want to get stoned?
Yes!
Oh, my God!
It's been, like, forever.
You would like to be buried up to your neck...
and have a crowd of angry men throw rocks at your head?
Oh.
No.
Normally, I wouldn't come to the aid of an American.
Your country's foreign policy is despicable...
your culture is crude, and your gluttony and greed make me sick.
You are so hot.
Whoa.
That thing came out of nowhere.
[Starter Firing] [Sighs] I'm stranded in the middle of a desert...
with no food, no water, but at least...
I finally get to see Angelina Jolie's sweet...
supple- No!
I'm gonna kill Steve.
Selling me to some stranger.
And he didn't even haggle.
By the way...
these baskets go for, like, 80 bucks at Pier One.
I bet you paid, what, like 50 cents?
Be honest.
Silence!
You were not purchased for your opinions.
You were purchased to be a wife.
Wife?
Look, bub, I'm not marrying you!
Of course you're not marrying me.
You're marrying him.
Well, a girl can't hold out forever.
The Iraq war was a travesty.
Exactly.
It's like the whole unilateral preemption thing is- [Together] An insupportable doctrine with inevitable negative...
repercussions on the geopolitical stage!
Hey, you want to get dinner?
Ooh, now is not good.
I have a meeting.
I'm in this secret group called Al-Qae- "Al-qae-holics" Anonymous?
Hayley, promise me you won't go near the American embassy.
The embassy?
Oh, my God, you're a- Oh, Kazim, no!
Look, I hate America's policies too...
but there are other ways.
Oh, Hayley...
perhaps if I had met such an incredible Western girl years ago.
But it's not too late!
You can't- No.
I must.
It is written.
Nothing is written.
It's so good to have Stan working with us on the pipeline...
and not for the- yuck- United States.
Imperialist swine.
They want to enslave all Arabs.
You know damn well that America does not want to enslave all Arabs.
Just the ones who have oil.
Am I right, fellas?
Yeah.
Americans.
Ha!
Bunch of douche bags.
Praise Allah.
[Ringing] Bullock here.
Deputy Director Bullock, will you please offer Stan his job back?
Francine, what a surprise.
I already offered Stan his job back.
He said no.
[Screams] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia...
but I'm the real fish out of water.
Seriously, I'm dying.
Okay.
I'm cool.
Whatever life throws at me, I can take it...
because I am a strong, independent black woman.
I mean, white teenager.
Oh, God!
I'm gonna die out here!
Lord, please send me some water or food or- [Thunder Rumbling] Or Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie's fine.
Your beverage, Princess.
Thank you, Zacharias.
Oh, Zacharias, this is a Tom Collins.
Whatever you did this time, write it down because you nailed it.
You freakin' nailed it.
There's my desert flower.
Uh, what ya doin'?
Preparing to consort with my newest and loveliest concubine.
Consort?
Consort!
Whoa!
Whoa.
Nuh-uh!
Now, l-I don't know what you've heard...
about American girls, but we don't go hopping...
into bed with some guy we only just met!
Oh, Hayley, that was so wonderful.
But now I'm so confused.
It's like I'm not sure who I am anymore.
Why, because of that thing I did with my finger?
Look, we tried something weird, and you liked it.
That's doesn't make- Oh, you're talking about the terrorism thing.
Oh, oh, you know what else I hate about America?
New Mexico.
Like we need another one of those.
[Francine] Stan Smith.!
Deputy Director Bullock offered you your job back...
and you turned him down?
You lied to me, Stan!
You're right.
And it was a mistake to lie.
You know why?
Because I didn't have to.
Because I'm the man, and what I say goes.
And I say Saudi Arabia's the greatest country in the world.
Greatest country in the world?
We packed our bags We hopped a plane We left our happy home Uh, Francine, singing's kind of illegal here.
The culture seemed a bit insane But you said Hey, when in Rome Seriously, Francine, ix-nay on the inging- Maybe you've got no reason to complain But I've got no "Y" chromosome So, here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia.
Hit it!
You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand No alcohol, no rum and Cokes and no Dom P�rignon At least a girl can have a smoke But not on Ramadan!
Oh, it's a land of joy If you are a boy But if you are a girl It's the worst place in the world Okay, Francine, we get it.
Oh, but I'm just getting started.
American girls we do Pilates Starve ourselves until we're hotties Why Because we like our bodies Check me out you uptight Saudis Oh, it's so awfully grand Come on, Francine stop singing If you are a man I'm only backup singing If you don't take me home soon, Stan I think I'm gonna hurl It's the worst place in the world I started this point system, and she's way behind.
I only want to see the world explore and socialize But in this town I can't so much as look at other guys 'Cause if I did they'd call me harlot, whore, adulteress I bet my last riyal you fellas won't approve of this Who wants a kiss?
It's great if you're from Mars But not if you're from Venus If you want to drive a car You'd better have a penis So if you've got a vagina Ooh!
A vulva Yeee!
A clitoris What is a clitoris?
And a labia You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia Whore!
Stan!
Singing in public, dancing in public, indecent exposure.
Stan, you need to go to the U.S.
Embassy and get help.
Oh, sure, one little snag and we go running back to the imperialist pig dogs.
Will you have a little faith in the Saudi legal system?
Let me tell you about the Saudi legal system.
I've been in here for 23 years, and you know what I did?
I stole a candy bar.
I don't believe you.
My hand to God.
So I'm going to head over to the embassy.
Yeah, good idea.
Listen, honey, this isn't a good time.
L- I'm riding the cotton camel right now.
Know what I mean?
You need not be embarrassed, my little hyacinth.
[Funk] Wow, this is so not how I pictured my first time.
Now I know how Brenda Walsh felt on prom night.
What is this you speak of?
You know, Shannen Doherty on 90210...
goes to the prom with brooding rebel Dylan McKay...
grapples with a decision to lose her virginity?
Your story intrigues me.
Tell me of this glorious epic.
Glorious epic?
Wow, you just made Aaron Spelling's year.
Okay, okay.
I'll tell you the tale, but it could take a while.
And when you are done, we will make the beast with two backs?
I can't believe you have to pay for wives.
You're such a charmer.
Anyway, once upon a time there was a magical place...
where Beemers glistened in the parking lot...
and all the teenagers were white and in their 30s.
Wow, Angelina Jolie!
I have so many questions to ask you.
Is that whole thing about you sleeping with knives in the bed true?
I'm not Angelina Jolie, Steve.
I'm God.
I simply chose the form most pleasing to you.
Oh, you're God.
So is that thing about Angelina Jolie sleeping with knives in the bed true?
Yeah.
It's messed up, isn't it?
I'm glad you showed up.
I guess I sort of got carried away...
with this whole "being a man" thing, huh?
You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it.
So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer?
Because it doesn't last forever.
Hey, can I see your boobs?
What?
Come on, baby.
L- I mean, God.
All right.
But be warned- a single glance at the rack of infinite wisdom...
could drive a man to madness.
Oh, now I have to see them.
Awesome.
[Screams] Mmm.
Now I know how a kebab feels.
[Gasps] [Kazim's Voice] My darling, Hayley, you have moved me beyond words...
but I must now fulfill my destiny.
Farewell forever, Kazim.
P.S.
Stay away from the U.S.
Embassy.
The embassy!
Move!
Out of my way!
Oh, no!
No!
Shwarma King!
Get your shwarma!
Kazim?
Hayley, l- I thought we talked about you not coming to the embassy.
You work at Shwarma King?
[Laughing] Let me guess.
He tricked you into thinking he was a terrorist so you'd have sex with him.
He does that with all the American girls.
Shwarma?
May I help you?
Yes, my wife's in jail.
You see, she- I don't need to hear it.
She's an American.
We'll have her out in time for dinner.
I'll just need your passport.
Yeah, passport.
Uh, funny story.
[Laughs] Let me guess.
Monkey stole it?
No.
Monkey ate it?
No.
Why do you think there's a monkey?
You said it was a funny story.
I just assumed it involved nature's clown.
No, I renounced our citizenship and burned our passports.
Well, that's not funny.
That's not funny at all.
Your wife's in real trouble, man.
[Laughs] [Object Shatters] Monkey!
And I knew the show was dead when they started...
giving the guy from the Peach Pit his own stories.
Like I care if Nat couldn't read.
Click.
Delightful.
What a riveting tale!
Okay, time for sex.
Uh, uh, hey...
if you like that story- No, no, y-you wouldn't wanna hear about it.
Hear about what?
Oh, another enchanted place...
just to the east of Beverly Hills.
A place called Melrose.
People of Saudi Arabia, I have gone into the wilderness...
and I have spoken with God.
In the beginning, my children, light was separated from darkness- And so, by dividing up the disputed territories thusly...
Israelis and Palestinians can finally coexist in peace.
He's right.
That would work.
Peace in the Middle East.
All praise Steve Smith!
Whoa, whoa, fellas.
Don't praise me.
Praise God.
She's the one who came up with all this stuff.
[Gasping] I'm- I'm sorry.
Did you say "she"?
Yeah, God's a woman.
Oh, I think I see what happened.
You thought it was a woman, but really God was a guy in drag.
No, no.
This was definitely a woman.
She had boobs and everything.
Oh, so God's a man, but he has fake boobs...
'cause that's just how he rolls, right?
No, guys, this was a woman.
You're missing the point.
We need to ride toJerusalem and- I've got it!
I know what it is!
God was born with two sets of genitals, and the doctors- No!
Look, God is a woman!
God...
is...
a...
woman.
Geez!
Well, now we gotta kill him.
Too bad.
He had some good ideas.
And then she climbed up onto our camel...
and...
danced.
[All Gasp] Don't panic.
I got you the best lawyer in Saudi Arabia.
I'm sorry, counselor.
What did you say your name is?
Irv Rosenblatt.
Guilty!
Every single case!
Oy, this is a tough town.
Please, Your Honor.
I won't last in prison.
Well, then, this is your lucky day.
I sentence you to...
death by stoning!
Stan, don't let them stone me!
Your Honor, this is all my fault.
If anyone should be stoned, it's me.
Sorry.
Stone me with her.
I'm an American.
And in America, marriage is an equal partnership.
So if she dies, I die with her.
Stan, that's very noble, but I'm doing this alone, and that's final.
Francine, I forbid it.
While I'm sure that's a meaningful callback to an earlier conversation...
I must point out that you're a man...
and you have broken no laws.
So what does a guy have to do to get stoned around here?
We're not big on homosexuality.
[Sighs] I'm gay.
Stone me.
I don't know.
It didn't seem like you were really into it.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Stone him.
[Man] This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.!
Shwarma King and Clear Channel present...
Stone Mayhem '05.!
Where the crowd gets loud and the infidels get rocked.
Admission covers the entire seat, but you'll only need the edge.!
Don't worry, Francine.
Steve's out there somewhere.
The Smith name shall live on.
Sorry, Dad.
I had an epiphany in the desert...
I became a prophet, and then my disciples betrayed me...
when I said God's a woman.
[Laughs] Teenagers.
Anyway, the Smith name could still live on.
Hayley's a filthy liberal.
She'll probably hyphenate.
Yeah, I'm here too.
I put a shwarma guy in a coma.
Well, I guess this is it.
I'll see most of you in heaven.
Hayley, it's been a crazy ride.
[Man On P.A.] Attention, stone-throwers.
Two minutes till the stoning.
We could sure use a miracle right about now.
[All] President Bush!
Howdy, Saudis.
Democracy has arrived.
[Cheering] [Rock] [Ends] Looks like I got here just in time.
Hey, it's snowing.
["Auld Lang Syne"] Look, Mr.
President.
Teacher says every time a bell rings...
an oppressive autocracy gets freedom.
That's right.
That's right.
Attaboy, Clarence.
Days of auld lang syne [Humming] [Francine] Wake up.!
What, what, what?
Damn!
Oh, God, we're all going to die...
and our lives meant nothing, absolutely nothing!
L- I mean, uh, something comforting.
Stone-throwers ready?
[Drumroll] [Cell Phone Ringing] That's me.
Sorry.
Hang on.
Yello.
Oh, hello, sir.
[Man, Indistinct] What?
But they're infidels.
Fine.
Great.
Rock blocked.
You're free to go.
[Cheering] [Crowd Jeering] Ow!
It's over, Thundercat.
Whore.
I can't believe it.
What do you think happened?
Okay, beast with two backs.
Now.
Oh, that's what all the fuss is about?
Oh, yeah, okay.
No problem.
Gee, Dad, less than 24 hours ago, you hated America.
[Laughs] Shut the hell up, Hayley.
But you know, I will admit, America's got its flaws.
Really, Dad?
Like what?
[Intro] Well, there's Free speech and there's gun control and lousy Democrats The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat The women have careers and form opinions of their own We let our wives control our lives Damn, it's good to be home Our life's not always great In these United States But remember boys and girls It's not the worst place In the world It's not the worst place in the world, yeah, yeah Oh, and, uh, what happens in Saudi Arabia...
stays in Saudi Arabia.
Okay?
Seriously.
Bye-bye.
See you soon.