Émission TV: Futurama - 2x5
ANNOUNCER: Futurama is brought to you by Glagnar's Human Rinds.
It's a Bunch-a-Munch-a- Crunch-a-Humans!
I Second That Emotion Somebody likes snouts.
Is it me?
[SINGS] Oh, my head!
My precious head!
Stupid can opener!
You killed my father and now you want me!
You all right, Bender?
I guess so.
But why do we keep this time bomb around for that dumb animal?
Don't yell at him.
You hurt his feelings.
Come on, pet him and make up.
No.
I said, pet him.
I'll pet him.
I'll pet him with both hands!
My ass!
Get off!
Get off!
Are you okay?
Nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
Not you.
Oh, poor baby chipped a fang.
I got a busted ass!
I don't see anyone kissing it!
All right, I'm coming.
Remember, Rover gets the pill, and Pepper gets the suppository.
Next!
Ow!
It's just a broken fang.
Not serious.
What's that?
You have to put him down?
No.
Huh?
What?
Terrible shame.
Shall I do the honors?
No!
You about done?
Next time, I'm keeping it.
I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.
[CAT GROWLS] [GLASS SHATTERING] The jaguar wasn't helpful, but he did knock one of my teeth out.
Now, then.
Ow.
What are these rings in Nibbler's fang?
I'm woozy from a gazelle kick earlier, but if he's like a tree...
...the rings might indicate his age.
Good luck.
It'd take a genius to count all those rings.
He's 5.
PROFESSOR: Happy birthday, young Nibbler.
Look how cuddly he looks in his new cape.
I'd be cuddly if someone gave me a cape.
Who's playing pin the tail on the maggot?
Me!
Everyone watch how good I am!
[BEEPING] Yay!
And the crowd goes wild!
What prize do I get?
Cash?
Look at Nibbler.
Oh, he's holding a spoon.
He's so talented.
You call that talent?
Gather around old Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] Ta-dah.
Eh...
.
Now he's wearing a hat!
Let's all sing "Happy Birthday"!
What day is today?
It's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake And you smell like one too What about this?
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] Bender, aren't you cooking for this party?
Fine.
We'll have rack of Nibbler!
Just make a cake.
And this time...
...if someone jumps out of it, put them in after it's cooked.
So it's a cake you want, is it?
I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY] That'll take care of those rats.
Now, to bake a cake so delicious...
...they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] [HUMS] BENDER: There!
This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.
Once I spell check it, it'll be ready for my admiring public.
No!
Get away from there!
[BELCHES] That's it.
Happy birthday!
Bender, what's going...?
No!
Can't you see I'm using the toilet?
[CRIES] How could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?
Step one, I lifted the seat.
That was the first annoyance.
Am I right, men?
Aren't you upset at all?
What if I flushed Fry down the toilet?
Only one way to find out.
You have no sympathy for anyone!
Sure I do!
Right now I feel sorry for you.
You do?
Yeah.
One cantaloupe-sized eye?
You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler...
...who's gone to a place where l, too, hope one day to go.
The toilet.
I wouldn't feel so bad...
...if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.
[BENDER LAUGHS] Give it to me straight, doc.
Don 't sugarcoat it.
Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fianc�e...
...
crashed into your uninsured home.
And you have inoperable cancer.
Bet you didn't expect that one!
Does he not understand humanoid emotion?
I just wish Bender could feel exactly how I feel.
Through the miracle of science, that can be done.
Is this another experiment that crosses a line...
...man was not meant to cross?
The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash...
...
has now been raised to 54,000.
What the hell are you doing with my head?
I need to tinker in it.
Just use a potted plant like Fry!
Quiet, you.
I'm installing an empathy chip.
To allow Bender to feel emotions?
Yes, if by "allow" you mean "force. "
Son of...
Careful!
Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
I got it.
Who wants more?
Professor!
Steady, now.
There we go.
Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
My God, I'm overcome with feelings.
I'm experiencing a powerful yearning...
...to cram my gullet with mackerel heads.
That's me, baby.
I feel I'm not as smart as Leela...
...but I also feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
That's me.
Thanks for covering.
Now I miss Nibbler, and I feel nosy and opinionated.
Bingo!
It's her!
Thanks.
I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain.
Happy.
I like this feeling.
Don't revert to your usual mopey self.
I'm not mopey.
You shut up!
Anger, huh?
How dare you make me feel anger...
...you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?
Thanks for taking me out.
I'm now slightly less miserable.
You know what'd cheer you up?
Getting a puppy!
A puppy?
Nibbler loved to eat puppies.
What's your problem?
I miss Nibbler.
You do?
Hell, no!
It's Leela's feelings!
Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
[GROWLS] Jealousy.
You think you're so hot!
Wha...?
You only get all the guys because you dress like a tramp!
They're responding to my personality!
Armando and I are going to the back seat of his car for coffee.
Will you be all right by yourself?
Sure, I'm having a great time.
Really!
You two go enjoy yourselves.
I'm so Ionely.
I'm gonna go eat a bucket of ice cream.
A bucket of...
.
The spoon's in the foot powder!
I'm at the end of my rope.
I can't live another minute without sweet Nibbler.
Alligators can live in sewers after you flush them.
Really?
Yep.
My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one.
It's a widely believed fact.
Sewers...
.
Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Hang on, Nibbler!
Uncle Bender's coming to save you!
Damn, it's too small.
What did those humans design this for anyway?
Ah-ha!
Bender, one.
Toilet, zero.
See you on the other side!
[KNOCKING] Bender?
Bender?!
Have you seen my sombrero?
He flushed himself down the toilet?
Who's next?
It's your fault.
Your emotions made him feel bad.
You're right.
I feel terrible.
Now you're making him feel worse!
We better go down and find him.
Are you crazy?
There's mutants there!
They'll eat you alive!
They're hideous!
Mutants are just a ridiculous urban myth.
Don't be so sure.
Many scientists believe humans could mutate down there...
...due to exposure to toxic waste, radioactive runoff...
...and good old American feces.
God bless America.
Phew.
Ladies first.
[SPLASHES] [SPUTTERS] Oh, and the aftertaste.
What?
I burned my finger!
Check the guidebook.
We're under Park Avenue.
Ritzy!
Just think.
All this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.
[METAL CLANKS] Wait, what's that?
Why did I throw out the manual?
You didn't have to come down here.
I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.
He was so cute.
He was so sweet.
This emotional display is making me nauseous.
Or maybe it's from that.
Nibbler!
Nibbler!
It's no use.
We'd better turn back.
Which way, Fry?
According to this map, the only exit is through that pipe.
It gets wider after a mile.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Okay, never mind.
I'll just ask those people for directions.
[GROWLING] Mutants!
Mutants!
They're real!
I'll take care of this!
Back!
Back!
Thanks, handsome.
Don't worry, we're harmless.
I have three arms!
I said, harmless not armless!
Lay off him.
He only has one ear.
Shouldn't you eat my brain?
You're mutants!
Mutants?
Perhaps you are the mutants.
Dwayne, have you looked in a mirror lately?
Welcome to our village.
It's not Paris...
...but it has a charm that I wouldn't trade for the world.
You do realize you live in a sewer.
Perhaps your civilization...
...is the sewer of an even greater society above you.
No, we're on top.
Daylight and everything.
It must be wonderful!
Eh.
We came down here to find our pet.
He was flushed down the toilet.
If he was flushed, he probably came through here.
Everything always does.
Follow me.
All that is ours came from your toilets.
Over there is our aquarium.
This is our library.
Just crumpled porn and Ayn Rand.
Over here is our church.
You guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?
Nobody's that observant.
It's mainly for Christmas and Easter.
Nibbler!
Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums!
Do alligators flushed down toilets live here?
That's an urban legend.
Then what are those?
Crocodiles.
They're our pets.
When they grow too large, we flush them into the sub-sewer.
There's a race of sub-mutants there.
Please!
That's just a sub-urban legend.
Then I suppose you also don't believe in El Chupakneebray.
[GASPING] El Chupakneebray?
What's that?
Gather around for the legend of El Chupakneebray.
He creeps in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush But sooner or later He'll eat you whole And half your alligator Crocodile.
Whatever.
Our pet, Nibbler, loves fresh crocodile.
It's his favorite treat.
He must be El Chupakneebray.
Hey, yeah!
You unleashed El Chupakneebray upon us?
Then you are our sworn enemies!
He would never hurt people.
Let us help you capture him.
Impossible.
If legend's true, our only hope is to give a snack-rifice!
Yes, an unspoiled virgin.
I volunteer!
Nice try, Leela...
...but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.
[LAUGHS] Oh, I made myself feel bad.
She'll do.
Chain her to the post!
And rip her shirt a little.
Behold!
When El Chupakneebray comes for the, uh, "virgin"...
...he will be snared by this rope trap.
El Chupakneebray comes soon.
It is nightfall.
Nightfall?
How can you tell down here?
[SPLASHING] The tide is coming in.
Quiet.
The beast approaches.
[METAL CLANKING] Nibbler!
Come here, precious.
Look, everyone.
It's El Chupakneebray.
That's not him.
Say what?
That's El Chupakneebray!
I'll take care of this!
Do something!
I'm too scared!
Your fear is being transmitted to Bender!
If you care about Nibbler, stop caring!
I can't!
I love all creatures!
Even me?
As a friend.
Damn.
Listen to me.
I'm an expert at not caring.
The secret is not giving a rat's ass about anyone...
...and only caring about things that you want...
...that you deserve, that the world owes you!
Well, I could use a new tank top.
Bigger!
Bigger!
A fashionable tank top!
And designer boots encrusted with jewels!
You'll need some pants to go with that!
And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler!
Bender is back!
I'll save you, Nibbler!
Ah.
He'll be killed!
Know what else I could use?
A weekend at a fancy spa.
And a Toblerone.
You did it!
Let's have a tissue-tape parade!
BENDER: No, thanks.
[SPLASHES] Gather around to hear the legend of Bender.
He came from above with a...
It'll be ages before another guitar string is flushed.
That's a disgusting story.
All thanks to Bender.
I love you, Bender.
I love you too.
Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.
You won't believe this, but the empathy chip burned out.
The emotion you felt for Nibbler was your own!
So Bender learned a lesson...
...about respecting other people's feelings after all.
No, I'm wrong.
The chip was running at triple capacity.
And I still barely felt anything.
Good night, losers!
Maybe Bender didn't learn from me...
...but I learned something from him.
So long, jerkwads!
So long!
It's a Bunch-a-Munch-a- Crunch-a-Humans!
I Second That Emotion Somebody likes snouts.
Is it me?
[SINGS] Oh, my head!
My precious head!
Stupid can opener!
You killed my father and now you want me!
You all right, Bender?
I guess so.
But why do we keep this time bomb around for that dumb animal?
Don't yell at him.
You hurt his feelings.
Come on, pet him and make up.
No.
I said, pet him.
I'll pet him.
I'll pet him with both hands!
My ass!
Get off!
Get off!
Are you okay?
Nothing a lawsuit won't cure.
Not you.
Oh, poor baby chipped a fang.
I got a busted ass!
I don't see anyone kissing it!
All right, I'm coming.
Remember, Rover gets the pill, and Pepper gets the suppository.
Next!
Ow!
It's just a broken fang.
Not serious.
What's that?
You have to put him down?
No.
Huh?
What?
Terrible shame.
Shall I do the honors?
No!
You about done?
Next time, I'm keeping it.
I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.
[CAT GROWLS] [GLASS SHATTERING] The jaguar wasn't helpful, but he did knock one of my teeth out.
Now, then.
Ow.
What are these rings in Nibbler's fang?
I'm woozy from a gazelle kick earlier, but if he's like a tree...
...the rings might indicate his age.
Good luck.
It'd take a genius to count all those rings.
He's 5.
PROFESSOR: Happy birthday, young Nibbler.
Look how cuddly he looks in his new cape.
I'd be cuddly if someone gave me a cape.
Who's playing pin the tail on the maggot?
Me!
Everyone watch how good I am!
[BEEPING] Yay!
And the crowd goes wild!
What prize do I get?
Cash?
Look at Nibbler.
Oh, he's holding a spoon.
He's so talented.
You call that talent?
Gather around old Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] Ta-dah.
Eh...
.
Now he's wearing a hat!
Let's all sing "Happy Birthday"!
What day is today?
It's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake And you smell like one too What about this?
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] Bender, aren't you cooking for this party?
Fine.
We'll have rack of Nibbler!
Just make a cake.
And this time...
...if someone jumps out of it, put them in after it's cooked.
So it's a cake you want, is it?
I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY] That'll take care of those rats.
Now, to bake a cake so delicious...
...they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.
[WHISTLES "THE GLOBETROTTERS"] [HUMS] BENDER: There!
This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.
Once I spell check it, it'll be ready for my admiring public.
No!
Get away from there!
[BELCHES] That's it.
Happy birthday!
Bender, what's going...?
No!
Can't you see I'm using the toilet?
[CRIES] How could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?
Step one, I lifted the seat.
That was the first annoyance.
Am I right, men?
Aren't you upset at all?
What if I flushed Fry down the toilet?
Only one way to find out.
You have no sympathy for anyone!
Sure I do!
Right now I feel sorry for you.
You do?
Yeah.
One cantaloupe-sized eye?
You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.
And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler...
...who's gone to a place where l, too, hope one day to go.
The toilet.
I wouldn't feel so bad...
...if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.
[BENDER LAUGHS] Give it to me straight, doc.
Don 't sugarcoat it.
Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fianc�e...
...
crashed into your uninsured home.
And you have inoperable cancer.
Bet you didn't expect that one!
Does he not understand humanoid emotion?
I just wish Bender could feel exactly how I feel.
Through the miracle of science, that can be done.
Is this another experiment that crosses a line...
...man was not meant to cross?
The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash...
...
has now been raised to 54,000.
What the hell are you doing with my head?
I need to tinker in it.
Just use a potted plant like Fry!
Quiet, you.
I'm installing an empathy chip.
To allow Bender to feel emotions?
Yes, if by "allow" you mean "force. "
Son of...
Careful!
Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
I got it.
Who wants more?
Professor!
Steady, now.
There we go.
Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.
My God, I'm overcome with feelings.
I'm experiencing a powerful yearning...
...to cram my gullet with mackerel heads.
That's me, baby.
I feel I'm not as smart as Leela...
...but I also feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.
That's me.
Thanks for covering.
Now I miss Nibbler, and I feel nosy and opinionated.
Bingo!
It's her!
Thanks.
I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain.
Happy.
I like this feeling.
Don't revert to your usual mopey self.
I'm not mopey.
You shut up!
Anger, huh?
How dare you make me feel anger...
...you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?
Thanks for taking me out.
I'm now slightly less miserable.
You know what'd cheer you up?
Getting a puppy!
A puppy?
Nibbler loved to eat puppies.
What's your problem?
I miss Nibbler.
You do?
Hell, no!
It's Leela's feelings!
Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?
[GROWLS] Jealousy.
You think you're so hot!
Wha...?
You only get all the guys because you dress like a tramp!
They're responding to my personality!
Armando and I are going to the back seat of his car for coffee.
Will you be all right by yourself?
Sure, I'm having a great time.
Really!
You two go enjoy yourselves.
I'm so Ionely.
I'm gonna go eat a bucket of ice cream.
A bucket of...
.
The spoon's in the foot powder!
I'm at the end of my rope.
I can't live another minute without sweet Nibbler.
Alligators can live in sewers after you flush them.
Really?
Yep.
My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one.
It's a widely believed fact.
Sewers...
.
Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Hang on, Nibbler!
Uncle Bender's coming to save you!
Damn, it's too small.
What did those humans design this for anyway?
Ah-ha!
Bender, one.
Toilet, zero.
See you on the other side!
[KNOCKING] Bender?
Bender?!
Have you seen my sombrero?
He flushed himself down the toilet?
Who's next?
It's your fault.
Your emotions made him feel bad.
You're right.
I feel terrible.
Now you're making him feel worse!
We better go down and find him.
Are you crazy?
There's mutants there!
They'll eat you alive!
They're hideous!
Mutants are just a ridiculous urban myth.
Don't be so sure.
Many scientists believe humans could mutate down there...
...due to exposure to toxic waste, radioactive runoff...
...and good old American feces.
God bless America.
Phew.
Ladies first.
[SPLASHES] [SPUTTERS] Oh, and the aftertaste.
What?
I burned my finger!
Check the guidebook.
We're under Park Avenue.
Ritzy!
Just think.
All this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.
[METAL CLANKS] Wait, what's that?
Why did I throw out the manual?
You didn't have to come down here.
I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.
He was so cute.
He was so sweet.
This emotional display is making me nauseous.
Or maybe it's from that.
Nibbler!
Nibbler!
It's no use.
We'd better turn back.
Which way, Fry?
According to this map, the only exit is through that pipe.
It gets wider after a mile.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Okay, never mind.
I'll just ask those people for directions.
[GROWLING] Mutants!
Mutants!
They're real!
I'll take care of this!
Back!
Back!
Thanks, handsome.
Don't worry, we're harmless.
I have three arms!
I said, harmless not armless!
Lay off him.
He only has one ear.
Shouldn't you eat my brain?
You're mutants!
Mutants?
Perhaps you are the mutants.
Dwayne, have you looked in a mirror lately?
Welcome to our village.
It's not Paris...
...but it has a charm that I wouldn't trade for the world.
You do realize you live in a sewer.
Perhaps your civilization...
...is the sewer of an even greater society above you.
No, we're on top.
Daylight and everything.
It must be wonderful!
Eh.
We came down here to find our pet.
He was flushed down the toilet.
If he was flushed, he probably came through here.
Everything always does.
Follow me.
All that is ours came from your toilets.
Over there is our aquarium.
This is our library.
Just crumpled porn and Ayn Rand.
Over here is our church.
You guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?
Nobody's that observant.
It's mainly for Christmas and Easter.
Nibbler!
Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums!
Do alligators flushed down toilets live here?
That's an urban legend.
Then what are those?
Crocodiles.
They're our pets.
When they grow too large, we flush them into the sub-sewer.
There's a race of sub-mutants there.
Please!
That's just a sub-urban legend.
Then I suppose you also don't believe in El Chupakneebray.
[GASPING] El Chupakneebray?
What's that?
Gather around for the legend of El Chupakneebray.
He creeps in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush But sooner or later He'll eat you whole And half your alligator Crocodile.
Whatever.
Our pet, Nibbler, loves fresh crocodile.
It's his favorite treat.
He must be El Chupakneebray.
Hey, yeah!
You unleashed El Chupakneebray upon us?
Then you are our sworn enemies!
He would never hurt people.
Let us help you capture him.
Impossible.
If legend's true, our only hope is to give a snack-rifice!
Yes, an unspoiled virgin.
I volunteer!
Nice try, Leela...
...but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.
[LAUGHS] Oh, I made myself feel bad.
She'll do.
Chain her to the post!
And rip her shirt a little.
Behold!
When El Chupakneebray comes for the, uh, "virgin"...
...he will be snared by this rope trap.
El Chupakneebray comes soon.
It is nightfall.
Nightfall?
How can you tell down here?
[SPLASHING] The tide is coming in.
Quiet.
The beast approaches.
[METAL CLANKING] Nibbler!
Come here, precious.
Look, everyone.
It's El Chupakneebray.
That's not him.
Say what?
That's El Chupakneebray!
I'll take care of this!
Do something!
I'm too scared!
Your fear is being transmitted to Bender!
If you care about Nibbler, stop caring!
I can't!
I love all creatures!
Even me?
As a friend.
Damn.
Listen to me.
I'm an expert at not caring.
The secret is not giving a rat's ass about anyone...
...and only caring about things that you want...
...that you deserve, that the world owes you!
Well, I could use a new tank top.
Bigger!
Bigger!
A fashionable tank top!
And designer boots encrusted with jewels!
You'll need some pants to go with that!
And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler!
Bender is back!
I'll save you, Nibbler!
Ah.
He'll be killed!
Know what else I could use?
A weekend at a fancy spa.
And a Toblerone.
You did it!
Let's have a tissue-tape parade!
BENDER: No, thanks.
[SPLASHES] Gather around to hear the legend of Bender.
He came from above with a...
It'll be ages before another guitar string is flushed.
That's a disgusting story.
All thanks to Bender.
I love you, Bender.
I love you too.
Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.
You won't believe this, but the empathy chip burned out.
The emotion you felt for Nibbler was your own!
So Bender learned a lesson...
...about respecting other people's feelings after all.
No, I'm wrong.
The chip was running at triple capacity.
And I still barely felt anything.
Good night, losers!
Maybe Bender didn't learn from me...
...but I learned something from him.
So long, jerkwads!
So long!