Programa de TV: Six Feet Under - 4x2
Why do they want these filled with fuckin' helium?
Lt's for the AVN Awards, man.
It's like the fucking Oscars of porn.
They want 'em floating from the rafters.
Check this out.
Fuck me!
L have several fuckable orifices!
Wait, wait, wait.
No, fuck me!
I'm a chick with a dick!
Then you can fuck yourself!
No, fuck you!
Oh shit, my dick fell off!
Holy shit.
I think this chick's my cousin.
Watch out!
You almost hit that guy.
I did not.
You did.
Well, he came from nowhere.
It's not just wives who need to give themselves freely to their husbands within the blessed confines of the marriage bed, husbands need to surrender as well...
Praise the Lord.
Women have desires too.
Those wifely desires are meant by God to be satisfied by their husbands.
Even when we may not feel like it.
Like that ever happensl So this is how, through marriage, we create the Garden of Eden again, without shame, without sin...
Amen.
Oh, my Lord!
Oh, my Lord!
Sweet Jesus!
Sweet Jesus!
Oh, sweet Jesus!
Those are good.
You're up early.
I'm always up early.
Every day's a new adventure.
Today we're having eggs.
What do you think of our new table?
What is it, Indian?
Persian, l think.
What's the difference?
Persia's lran and India's, well, India.
It's George's?
We've been married for almost three months.
We decided it was time to move some of his things out of storage.
Most of it's in the garage for now, but we put the table in last night before we went to bed.
You see this?
This is called a horse.
That's funny.
Where Daddy comes from, it's called a rock.
It's greywacke l found wedged in the walls of the San Andreas Fault near Pescadero.
A "horse" is a piece of displaced rock between the walls of a fault line.
That's very helpful, George, thank you.
How's our little girl today?
Good.
Eating some eggs, wearing some.
Is this a new table?
It's Persian.
Persia?
Does that exist any more?
Persia's lran.
And this is a horse.
Rock found between the walls of a fault?
Very good, Claire.
George has told me about his rocks.
Who'd have thought they could be so fascinating?
Aren't they?
It's like going to school in your own home.
You know, Claire, maybe you could take photos of some of George's keepsakes.
Each has such an interesting story behind it.
Not all of them.
I mean, it's been a while since you did any of your, you know, art.
I just thought it might inspire you.
Do l look like l need to be inspired?
Actually, you do.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Don't be silly, Arthur.
I'll just grab my cottage cheese.
Take it up to my room.
Is this Persian?
Yes, it is.
I'm not sure if it works in this kitchen, but it's very beautiful.
Thank you.
I think it works in this kitchen.
I love it because it's yours.
Apparently, according to witnesses, she just got out of her car and ran into traffic.
Do they know why?
No.
I suppose we'll never know.
Well, my heart goes out to you.
It's horrible, not knowing exactly what happened to someone you loved.
It was her time, that's all.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Yes.
He certainly does.
Mr Sheedy, would you prefer an afternoon...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think, in the interest of healthy grieving, you need to give yourself permission to at least be curious as to why your wife would jump out of her car and run into traffic.
For no apparent reason.
Why?
Lt's not going to bring her back.
Nate, l believe Rico could use your assistance downstairs.
Right.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Some of the most striking medieval tapestry art is to be found in Central France in the Ch�teau of Angers.
During the 14th century, a more Gothic style would take root in England, however, introducing intricately carved...
You're Claire Fisher.
I loved that graveyard light-box piece you had in the alumni show.
Thanks.
I'm Anita Miller.
I started winter semester last year.
Cool.
Hi.
..Gothic architecture, middle-period England...
Oh, God, how much of this Gothic stuff can there be?
Some of it's really beautiful, but it's all starting to run together in my head.
I hear that.
I see one more bleeding Jesus, l think I'll hurl.
Maybe if you hurl on a bleeding Jesus, you'll get an independent study credit or a grant.
The NEA is just dying to hand out money to Christ-defacers!
The NEA is dying, that's for sure.
So, are you working on anything?
No.
I haven't even picked up my camera since, like, last spring.
You?
All l did was work at Starbucks and see lame-ass movies like The Hulk.
Oh God, when l saw that l was just, like, "Can somebody please explain those gigunda purple fucking pants?"
I know!
Just show us his big green package already!
Can l help you?
Hey, you wanna go out tomorrow night?
It's open mike night at the Nuts and Jolts.
My friend Edie is doing her thing.
What's her thing?
It's kind of a punk-folk-poetry-performance art kind of thing.
Sure, why not?
Can't you see he's using that "happy she's on her way to Jesus" horseshit to distance himself from the truth - the man lost his wife.
He's facing one of the worst things that can happen to a person and l just think that he needs to feel.
He needs to really, really feel the loss and the rage.
Everyone handles grief in a different way.
He was nowhere near actual grief.
Maybe he's keeping it together for his son.
Wouldn't want him to bump up against reality, prepare him for life.
Maybe the man has faith.
In what, God?
Yes, in God.
And maybe his faith in God is what sustains him.
He's not sustained, he's totally fucking checked out.
You gotta go through all the necessary stages of grief!
That's how you honour what the person actually meant to you.
How long were you with the LAPD?
Almost six years.
And why did you leave?
I...
l went off on a guy during a domestic abuse call.
Did you kill the guy?
No.
I busted him up pretty bad, though.
Did you ever kill anybody in the line of duty?
Once.
A guy pulled a gun and l did what l had to do.
It was a clean shooting.
I killed a guy during a domestic abuse call.
Mike, now's not the time.
Look, putting some asshole in the hospital for beating up on his wife is not a problem.
We handle strictly high-end clientele.
Mostly high-profile people in the music and entertainment industry.
We've handled MJ.
Both MJs, actually.
Whitney, P Diddy.
Both MJs?
Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson?
Mick Jagger's an MJ.
We've handled all three MJs, then.
Wow.
Working for Safeguard Protection Agency, your job is not to put your hands on anyone during any given situation.
Your job is to low-tone it and defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Got it.
I've no more questions for now, Mr Charles.
Me neither.
Do you have any questions for us?
No, l don't think so.
I really would like this job, though.
I mean, it's exactly the line of work that I'd like to get into.
I'm a hard worker and...you won't be sorry.
We'll call you.
OK.
Shit.
Got any paper towels?
We'll take care of it.
Mike.
I'm on it.
Sorry about that.
Thank you so much, Rico!
Come in.
Hi, Nicole.
Hi, sweetie.
I am so glad that l met you.
I never had someone be so nice to me without expecting something in return.
Yeah.
Except for that one time...
which l didn't mind at all.
Look, Sophia, I'm married.
I'm just trying to help out here and there.
Could you do me a huge favour?
You know that DVD player you bought me last week?
I don't know how to hook it up.
Sure.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, sweetie, now you can watch all your favourite movies.
So, you going to work?
Yeah.
I wish you didn't have to...
you know, do that for a living.
Yeah, well, we all got to eat, right?
Yeah.
Who watches Nicole?
The lady upstairs.
Where's her father?
Fuck if l know.
Look, Rico, he's a speed freak and a deadbeat.
We're better off without him, believe me.
And if you come to the club tonight, don't call me Sophia.
My club name is...
Infinity.
Infinity, l know.
All right, let's get this thing hooked up.
Want to help me?
Nobody knows more about crazy people than l do.
I was raised by them, l am one of them.
I'm too old to be rubbing up strangers.
You're gonna make an excellent therapist.
It's an intensive programme.
I'll have to work my lazy ass off, but I'll have my MSW summer of 2005.
You can analyse me.
My mother is going to freak when she finds out.
I'll just never tell her.
So what day is this?
Day 78, right?
It's more like 67, actually.
67?
Where do you get 67?
Those two weeks you were in San Jose don't count.
No, they don't.
We didn't even talk during those two weeks.
But we fantasised about each other.
Speak for yourself.
You didn't even think about me?
While touching myself.
I like the sound of that.
Yeah, l bet you do.
It's only fair that we count the days in San Jose.
Think of it as time off for good behaviour.
Maybe.
Here, eat this.
Some people think I'm in heaven.
But guess what?
There is no heaven.
Except right here...with you.
Yea, though l walk through the valley of the shadow of death, l will fear no evil For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes!
Hey, is this too much?
No, sir, you are all that and a box of cookies!
You have to say that.
Yeah, l kinda do.
Oh, shit, l gotta pick up that package in 20 minutes.
I cannot believe you're going to be a security guard to the stars.
Security specialist.
That is so hot.
Who are you protecting today?
I have no idea.
I have to be at The Meridien Hotel at 11.
Hope it's Russell Crowe or Denzel Washington.
Or Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington.
Imagine the possibilities.
I need a new suit.
You can buy three with the money you'll make, Mr They Start Me Out At 25 Bucks An Hour.
Some guys make 100 if they go on tour.
Holy shit.
We can get one of those gigantic flat-screen TVs you've been wanting.
You know what else?
A house.
Oh, my God, with a swimming pool.
And a Jacuzzi.
And an O'Keefe & Merritt stove and oven for the kitchen.
Put your hands on me!
My job is to not put my hands on anybody.
My job is to low-tone it and defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Yeah?
Well, defuse this!
Keith, this is Derek and Jeffrey.
Hey.
What's up?
You take a peek inside?
Excuse me?
Inside the case.
No.
You didn't give me the combination.
Not that l would have if you had.
Want to know what you were transporting?
Not if you don't need me to.
CD's bling.
CD?
Cameron Diaz.
I'm going to meet Cameron Diaz?
No.
I'm putting you on lobby duty with Derek and Jeffrey tonight.
Got it.
So what do we do now?
We're doing it.
You got some shades?
I left them in the car.
I really like this table of yours, George.
Although l must admit, l kind of miss the old Formica one.
Being a geologist, you'll know it was developed as an electrical insulator, created as a replacement for mica, a silicate mineral.
Hence the word for-mica.
Actually, that's not true.
Mica, whether biotite or muscovite, is a silicate mineral, that's true.
But Formica is a plastic laminate, developed for kitchen furnishings in the 1920s.
The one has nothing whatsoever to do with the other.
I stand corrected then.
They're both such interesting explanations, aren't they?
By the way, that's my yogurt you're eating.
My name is clearly marked on the side of it.
I hope you're planning on replacing however much of it you consume.
Man, I'd fuck her.
Me, too.
I'd tap that ass.
Oh, yeah.
No fucking doubt.
Check out that.
You can't have that.
I could if l wanted to.
In your dreams, you could.
I've had finer than that.
I'd definitely tap that...
ass.
OK, l think you should go home.
It's still early, though.
I know.
I just want some alone time.
OK.
So when do we stop doing this "going back to our respective places"?
At the end of 90 days.
90 days, right.
A good, healthy period of rehabilitation, that's all.
Some people go to rehab for 30 days.
Those people usually relapse.
What about the 60-day people?
Still pretty iffy.
OK, l see.
So...
90 days.
Is it the morning of the 90th day or is it the evening of the 90th day?
It would be the 91st, actually.
That is so not fair.
Come on.
You're not 17, you can wait.
It'll be worth it, trust me.
Just wanna see that weird tattoo.
You've seen it.
Without all that annoying clothing to distract me.
Just once, l want to get to know someone before l sleep with them.
People used to get engaged before they'd even met and stay engaged for years while they got to know each other.
People also used to think cats could suck their souls out of their bodies.
They do.
You know, technically...
l could stay over before the 90 days.
We'd just have to sort of keep a lid on it.
I don't think l could do that.
OK.
I'm gonna go across the courtyard, count to 91 and then I'll masturbate.
You want more pizza, babe?
You barely ate a thing.
No, l had two pieces, I'm full.
Usually you eat the whole pizza yourself.
Are you feeling OK?
Yeah, l feel fine.
Can l get some more tokens?
Yeah.
Keeping an eye on your brother over there?
Yes.
Here.
One for you, one for him.
How was work?
Same shit, different day.
You don't want to talk to me about anything?
Why don't you tell me about your day?
I already did.
You weren't listening.
I was listening.
What did l say?
Look, Vanessa.
I'm just...
I'm just a little distracted right now, that's all.
It's Shakey's Pizza night.
It's meant to be fun.
The kids are having a blast.
It's supposed to be fun for all of us.
I'm having fun.
You're a lying sack of shit.
You had nothing to talk about for six months.
Can l be distracted for one night?
Your clitoris.
Hot, burning, wet pinkness.
I wasn't the first and l won't be the last.
The crack of the world for all to explore, except for me.
Been there, done that.
That's the end.
Thank you.
I feel violated.
I don't think he's ever been laid.
That's Edie!
OK.
Can we make a rule for open mike night?
No more angry poems or songs with clitoral or vaginal references in them...
unless you have one.
Here's my poem dedicated to every guy I've ever been with.
Your penis is kinda nice.
Too bad you're attached to it.
This next piece is a collaboration between me and my mom, who lives in Chicago.
My mom has cancer and she's really angry, even though she's been smoking three packs a day for 40 years.
Edie...
Feel sorry for her yet?
I just came back from lunch with your Aunt Betty.
Aunt Betty, who once told me black people couldn't go to heaven.
I feel so lost, l don't know what to do with myself.
OK, l lied about the cancer part.
There's nothing wrong with this woman.
Nothing.
What happened to me, Edie?
What happened to my life?
She's a fucking victim who's never taken a chance in her life and has nobody to blame but herself.
I wish l was dead.
Actually, my mom is the Vice President of the Midwestern Direct Marketing Association.
I can get you any targeted list you want.
Over 65, under 21, married, single, gay, lesbian, smokers, racists, cancer survivors.
She's plunging headlong into the abyss with all her guns firing!
You just tell me what you want and l will deliverl lt will take you 32 hours of physical agony and you will never let me forget about it!
Edie.
You made her look so beautiful.
Well, you and God.
That's our job.
Me and my associates, l mean.
Not me and God.
So how are you holding up?
Quite well.
Thank you for asking.
It's OK for you to be angry.
I'm not angry.
Maybe you don't realise it.
Anger is a natural and necessary stage in the grieving process.
Nate...
You can't just skip over it.
I've been there.
You have to live with it and allow yourself to dwell on it.
You have to own it.
Only then can you move through it and get on with the rest of your life.
I know there's a reason God chose this for Dorothy and l know that His wisdom is infinite.
What if you're wrong?
I'm not.
What if there is no God, no heaven?
Nate...
What if she's gone forever, like she didn't exist?
Your child will never know his mother.
That doesn't make you angry?
It's all right.
No, it's not.
If you'll excuse us for a moment.
Please.
That's enough.
I am just trying to help the guy face the truth.
I'm qualified.
I'm a funeral director, my wife is freshly fucking dead.
Who's more qualified?
This isn't about you.
Leave them alone.
You want to leave them alone?
Fine.
But don't expect me to feed them lame shit like it's gonna get better because it won't!
Well, maybe some people aren't ready for that. "
Formica: "A durable plastic laminate used in kitchen furnishings, "developed as an electrical insulator "as a replacement for the silicate mineral...mica."
That was so great.
No, it was self-indulgent.
I still don't know exactly what it's about, but l figure, do the work, stay out of the results.
I liked the cock poem at the beginning.
Totally improvised, right?
Was l too hard on him?
No, not at all.
He was weeping...
But two cute girls followed him out back.
Maybe he'll get a blow job out of it.
So you're at LAC Arts, right?
Yeah.
What year?
Sophomore.
You?
Junior, l think.
I haven't been keeping track of my credits or anything.
Claire grew up in a funeral home.
Why did you have to tell her that?
What's your medium?
Photography mostly.
But l haven't picked up my camera in months.
Why not?
I don't know.
I went through a tough time for a while.
That's the best time to work.
Your guts are all raw and you don't waste too much time thinking about it.
I just feel like anything l do will be shit.
So?
What's the worst that can happen?
Some asshole will make fun of you?
Like you made fun of poet guy?
Yeah, exactly.
I'm sure there are plenty of people here right now making fun of me.
I guess I'm just waiting for the right time.
Well, none of us may be here tomorrow.
You of all people should know that, right?
Are you OK?
Ever since Lisa died, every death that comes through here feels like her dying all over again.
It's only been a few months, Nate.
Yeah.
I keep thinking it's going to get easier.
No one ever said it gets easy.
Not easy, easier.
Just for five fucking minutes.
I can't get it out of my head even for that long.
Even when I'm with Maya.
Most of all, l just don't believe any of this any more.
Any of what?
That anything we say or do helps anybody.
All right, look...
l can't do this any more, David.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that l quit.
You're quitting?
I'm not cut out for this.
You're cut out for this.
Dad was.
Rico is.
Probably Arthur's cut out for this.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I am not cut out for this.
And l have got to find some other kind of life for myself.
And for Maya, too.
I have to.
I'm sorry.
Hello?
Is that you making all that noise?
What noise?
Sounds kind of like a moose that got hit by a Mack truck.
I beg your pardon, I'm orgasming.
You might want to dial it back a bit before the landlady calls animal control.
Can't help it.
Fantasising about making love to you is even better than actual sex with most people.
What are you wearing?
At the moment?
Nothing.
Come over in that.
You're joking, right?
Maybe not, but come now before l change my mind.
Did anyone see you come over?
I hope so.
Get in here.
Well...the balI's in your court, so to speak.
Is everything all right, David?
As a matter of fact, no, everything is not all right.
Nate quit.
What do you mean, he quit?
His job.
When?
Last night.
It's now Fisher & Diaz as in one Fisher and one Diaz.
Well, you've been complaining about Nate's work.
I'd think you'd be happy if he took a break.
Mom, he's not taking a break, he quit.
Now there are just two of us.
I already had to drop out of chorus since he's almost never here.
Perhaps this is for the best, then.
I suppose we can get Arthur to pick up some of the slack.
He can embalm as long as one of us is in the room with him.
The average American changes career seven times during his or her lifetime.
Is that information supposed to be useful in some way, George?
It's just a fact.
Hey, I'm gonna take Maya to the park.
OK, l know.
Have fun at the park.
I'll be here at work, keeping us all afloat.
Dorothy loved all of you and l know that she'll watch down on us as we sleep.
But know that she is not gone and anyone who knows Dorothy knows it.
Hey, why are you...
Hey, dum-dum.
I just got home and l was thinking about how sweet you are.
And l miss you.
Yeah.
Hey, look, I'm at work right now.
I shouldn't even be...
l was thinking maybe you could come over later, OK?
Please?
OK.
Maybe l can stop by for, like, a little while.
OK.
Pick us up something to eat, too.
Some...
Nicole loves pizza with pepperoni.
We can eat it together and watch TV.
It'll be fun.
I can do that.
I'll be there in a little bit.
OK, hurry.
I can't wait.
Vanessa's just called.
Augusto has an ear infection and she needs me to take him to the doctor.
OK, fine, go.
Shit!
It just started, then it wouldn't stop.
Jesus fucking Christ.
All the blood's backed up into the plumbing.
After we spent $38,000 for a whole new system less than two years ago?
Should l call the plumber?
Yes, tell him it's an emergency!
And don't let anybody use the bathroom!
This is so fucking gross.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Taking pictures.
This is right out of The Shining.
This is not cool or legal.
Stop it!
What bug crawled up your ass?
This is our family business.
Even if I'm the only one of the family who gives a shit any more.
What if you need photos for the insurance company?
All right, take some more, but this is not an art project.
OK, here we go.
Good job.
All right, all right.
Good job.
Whoever did your last job cut some corners by using PVC instead of copper.
That's not good.
Then your drainage line busted and backed up into your septic.
Once that happened, everything went to hell from there.
But l replaced all your busted PVC with copper and you should be OK.
I just need you to initial here, here, and sign here.
Thanks for coming so quickly.
Hey, that's...
That's what I'm here for.
Something wrong?
No.
I'm doing something wrong.
No, not at all.
Am I?
Not at all.
It's a little weird, isn't it?
It's always weird in the beginning.
Is this more weird or less weird?
You want me to compare?
No.
I mean, yes.
I do, kind of.
Only if it's a favourable comparison.
This is fine.
Good.
Is it good for you?
Yes, definitely.
Good, I'm glad.
I think we're talking too much.
Yes.
I really like you, Brenda.
We're definitely talking too much.
You do have a lot of hair in your ears.
I have no idea why, from an evolutionary perspective, Homo sapiens get hairier the older they get.
You have such an interesting way of looking at the world, George.
Ruth, l have the feeling that your children don't care all that much for me.
That's not true.
Well, perhaps you try a bit too hard with them.
I'm just trying to have a relationship with them, that's all.
I hate to say this, but I'm finding your family a little difficult to connect with.
Turn your head, please.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe if l didn't try so hard.
I love you just the way you are.
And sooner or later, everyone else in this family will love you, too.
I quit my job.
I quit my whole fucking life.
You didn't quit, you got fired.
I guess maybe l did, yeah.
Not the best thing that ever happened to me, but it was right up there.
Getting married, becoming a father, getting creamed by a bus, those are some of life's big moments.
You were never cut out for this business.
That's what I've been thinking.
It's all a bunch of bullshit, right?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Sometimes I'd even surprise myself at how heartfelt I'd find myself in a given situation and then sometimes you'd just say the words and hope nobody realises you're full of crap.
Happens to the best of us.
But you're probably better off.
I'd give anything if Lisa hadn't died.
Then again, when she was here, l just wanted to be free.
You coming inside?
No.
Not today.
This one...well, she's a keeper.
Yeah, isn't she?
Whatever you do, don't fuck that up.
You take care of yourself, buddy boy.
Well, what do we have here?
Come on.
You still haven't even seen Cameron Diaz?
It's only been two days.
She's very private.
Apparently so.
It's a glamorous job, what can l say?
Do you like the guys you're working with?
They're OK.
I got a blow job today.
You did not.
I did.
From who?
From the plumber.
You got a blow job from a plumber?
His name was Andy.
A white guy?
Yeah.
He was good with the wrench.
Did you return the favour?
No.
You better not think you're getting out of having sex with me tonight.
OK, but l might need you to talk about water rams and hand snakes.
Might it be a late wedding present?
There's no return address.
What is it?
I believe it's faeces.
Faeces?
Who in the world would send you faeces in the mail?
I don't know.
Look at this, Maya.
Somebody sent Grandpa a big steaming pile of dookie.
Wait, don't throw it away before l can get my camera.
English
Lt's for the AVN Awards, man.
It's like the fucking Oscars of porn.
They want 'em floating from the rafters.
Check this out.
Fuck me!
L have several fuckable orifices!
Wait, wait, wait.
No, fuck me!
I'm a chick with a dick!
Then you can fuck yourself!
No, fuck you!
Oh shit, my dick fell off!
Holy shit.
I think this chick's my cousin.
Watch out!
You almost hit that guy.
I did not.
You did.
Well, he came from nowhere.
It's not just wives who need to give themselves freely to their husbands within the blessed confines of the marriage bed, husbands need to surrender as well...
Praise the Lord.
Women have desires too.
Those wifely desires are meant by God to be satisfied by their husbands.
Even when we may not feel like it.
Like that ever happensl So this is how, through marriage, we create the Garden of Eden again, without shame, without sin...
Amen.
Oh, my Lord!
Oh, my Lord!
Sweet Jesus!
Sweet Jesus!
Oh, sweet Jesus!
Those are good.
You're up early.
I'm always up early.
Every day's a new adventure.
Today we're having eggs.
What do you think of our new table?
What is it, Indian?
Persian, l think.
What's the difference?
Persia's lran and India's, well, India.
It's George's?
We've been married for almost three months.
We decided it was time to move some of his things out of storage.
Most of it's in the garage for now, but we put the table in last night before we went to bed.
You see this?
This is called a horse.
That's funny.
Where Daddy comes from, it's called a rock.
It's greywacke l found wedged in the walls of the San Andreas Fault near Pescadero.
A "horse" is a piece of displaced rock between the walls of a fault line.
That's very helpful, George, thank you.
How's our little girl today?
Good.
Eating some eggs, wearing some.
Is this a new table?
It's Persian.
Persia?
Does that exist any more?
Persia's lran.
And this is a horse.
Rock found between the walls of a fault?
Very good, Claire.
George has told me about his rocks.
Who'd have thought they could be so fascinating?
Aren't they?
It's like going to school in your own home.
You know, Claire, maybe you could take photos of some of George's keepsakes.
Each has such an interesting story behind it.
Not all of them.
I mean, it's been a while since you did any of your, you know, art.
I just thought it might inspire you.
Do l look like l need to be inspired?
Actually, you do.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Don't be silly, Arthur.
I'll just grab my cottage cheese.
Take it up to my room.
Is this Persian?
Yes, it is.
I'm not sure if it works in this kitchen, but it's very beautiful.
Thank you.
I think it works in this kitchen.
I love it because it's yours.
Apparently, according to witnesses, she just got out of her car and ran into traffic.
Do they know why?
No.
I suppose we'll never know.
Well, my heart goes out to you.
It's horrible, not knowing exactly what happened to someone you loved.
It was her time, that's all.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Yes.
He certainly does.
Mr Sheedy, would you prefer an afternoon...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think, in the interest of healthy grieving, you need to give yourself permission to at least be curious as to why your wife would jump out of her car and run into traffic.
For no apparent reason.
Why?
Lt's not going to bring her back.
Nate, l believe Rico could use your assistance downstairs.
Right.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Some of the most striking medieval tapestry art is to be found in Central France in the Ch�teau of Angers.
During the 14th century, a more Gothic style would take root in England, however, introducing intricately carved...
You're Claire Fisher.
I loved that graveyard light-box piece you had in the alumni show.
Thanks.
I'm Anita Miller.
I started winter semester last year.
Cool.
Hi.
..Gothic architecture, middle-period England...
Oh, God, how much of this Gothic stuff can there be?
Some of it's really beautiful, but it's all starting to run together in my head.
I hear that.
I see one more bleeding Jesus, l think I'll hurl.
Maybe if you hurl on a bleeding Jesus, you'll get an independent study credit or a grant.
The NEA is just dying to hand out money to Christ-defacers!
The NEA is dying, that's for sure.
So, are you working on anything?
No.
I haven't even picked up my camera since, like, last spring.
You?
All l did was work at Starbucks and see lame-ass movies like The Hulk.
Oh God, when l saw that l was just, like, "Can somebody please explain those gigunda purple fucking pants?"
I know!
Just show us his big green package already!
Can l help you?
Hey, you wanna go out tomorrow night?
It's open mike night at the Nuts and Jolts.
My friend Edie is doing her thing.
What's her thing?
It's kind of a punk-folk-poetry-performance art kind of thing.
Sure, why not?
Can't you see he's using that "happy she's on her way to Jesus" horseshit to distance himself from the truth - the man lost his wife.
He's facing one of the worst things that can happen to a person and l just think that he needs to feel.
He needs to really, really feel the loss and the rage.
Everyone handles grief in a different way.
He was nowhere near actual grief.
Maybe he's keeping it together for his son.
Wouldn't want him to bump up against reality, prepare him for life.
Maybe the man has faith.
In what, God?
Yes, in God.
And maybe his faith in God is what sustains him.
He's not sustained, he's totally fucking checked out.
You gotta go through all the necessary stages of grief!
That's how you honour what the person actually meant to you.
How long were you with the LAPD?
Almost six years.
And why did you leave?
I...
l went off on a guy during a domestic abuse call.
Did you kill the guy?
No.
I busted him up pretty bad, though.
Did you ever kill anybody in the line of duty?
Once.
A guy pulled a gun and l did what l had to do.
It was a clean shooting.
I killed a guy during a domestic abuse call.
Mike, now's not the time.
Look, putting some asshole in the hospital for beating up on his wife is not a problem.
We handle strictly high-end clientele.
Mostly high-profile people in the music and entertainment industry.
We've handled MJ.
Both MJs, actually.
Whitney, P Diddy.
Both MJs?
Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson?
Mick Jagger's an MJ.
We've handled all three MJs, then.
Wow.
Working for Safeguard Protection Agency, your job is not to put your hands on anyone during any given situation.
Your job is to low-tone it and defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Got it.
I've no more questions for now, Mr Charles.
Me neither.
Do you have any questions for us?
No, l don't think so.
I really would like this job, though.
I mean, it's exactly the line of work that I'd like to get into.
I'm a hard worker and...you won't be sorry.
We'll call you.
OK.
Shit.
Got any paper towels?
We'll take care of it.
Mike.
I'm on it.
Sorry about that.
Thank you so much, Rico!
Come in.
Hi, Nicole.
Hi, sweetie.
I am so glad that l met you.
I never had someone be so nice to me without expecting something in return.
Yeah.
Except for that one time...
which l didn't mind at all.
Look, Sophia, I'm married.
I'm just trying to help out here and there.
Could you do me a huge favour?
You know that DVD player you bought me last week?
I don't know how to hook it up.
Sure.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, sweetie, now you can watch all your favourite movies.
So, you going to work?
Yeah.
I wish you didn't have to...
you know, do that for a living.
Yeah, well, we all got to eat, right?
Yeah.
Who watches Nicole?
The lady upstairs.
Where's her father?
Fuck if l know.
Look, Rico, he's a speed freak and a deadbeat.
We're better off without him, believe me.
And if you come to the club tonight, don't call me Sophia.
My club name is...
Infinity.
Infinity, l know.
All right, let's get this thing hooked up.
Want to help me?
Nobody knows more about crazy people than l do.
I was raised by them, l am one of them.
I'm too old to be rubbing up strangers.
You're gonna make an excellent therapist.
It's an intensive programme.
I'll have to work my lazy ass off, but I'll have my MSW summer of 2005.
You can analyse me.
My mother is going to freak when she finds out.
I'll just never tell her.
So what day is this?
Day 78, right?
It's more like 67, actually.
67?
Where do you get 67?
Those two weeks you were in San Jose don't count.
No, they don't.
We didn't even talk during those two weeks.
But we fantasised about each other.
Speak for yourself.
You didn't even think about me?
While touching myself.
I like the sound of that.
Yeah, l bet you do.
It's only fair that we count the days in San Jose.
Think of it as time off for good behaviour.
Maybe.
Here, eat this.
Some people think I'm in heaven.
But guess what?
There is no heaven.
Except right here...with you.
Yea, though l walk through the valley of the shadow of death, l will fear no evil For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes!
Hey, is this too much?
No, sir, you are all that and a box of cookies!
You have to say that.
Yeah, l kinda do.
Oh, shit, l gotta pick up that package in 20 minutes.
I cannot believe you're going to be a security guard to the stars.
Security specialist.
That is so hot.
Who are you protecting today?
I have no idea.
I have to be at The Meridien Hotel at 11.
Hope it's Russell Crowe or Denzel Washington.
Or Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington.
Imagine the possibilities.
I need a new suit.
You can buy three with the money you'll make, Mr They Start Me Out At 25 Bucks An Hour.
Some guys make 100 if they go on tour.
Holy shit.
We can get one of those gigantic flat-screen TVs you've been wanting.
You know what else?
A house.
Oh, my God, with a swimming pool.
And a Jacuzzi.
And an O'Keefe & Merritt stove and oven for the kitchen.
Put your hands on me!
My job is to not put my hands on anybody.
My job is to low-tone it and defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Yeah?
Well, defuse this!
Keith, this is Derek and Jeffrey.
Hey.
What's up?
You take a peek inside?
Excuse me?
Inside the case.
No.
You didn't give me the combination.
Not that l would have if you had.
Want to know what you were transporting?
Not if you don't need me to.
CD's bling.
CD?
Cameron Diaz.
I'm going to meet Cameron Diaz?
No.
I'm putting you on lobby duty with Derek and Jeffrey tonight.
Got it.
So what do we do now?
We're doing it.
You got some shades?
I left them in the car.
I really like this table of yours, George.
Although l must admit, l kind of miss the old Formica one.
Being a geologist, you'll know it was developed as an electrical insulator, created as a replacement for mica, a silicate mineral.
Hence the word for-mica.
Actually, that's not true.
Mica, whether biotite or muscovite, is a silicate mineral, that's true.
But Formica is a plastic laminate, developed for kitchen furnishings in the 1920s.
The one has nothing whatsoever to do with the other.
I stand corrected then.
They're both such interesting explanations, aren't they?
By the way, that's my yogurt you're eating.
My name is clearly marked on the side of it.
I hope you're planning on replacing however much of it you consume.
Man, I'd fuck her.
Me, too.
I'd tap that ass.
Oh, yeah.
No fucking doubt.
Check out that.
You can't have that.
I could if l wanted to.
In your dreams, you could.
I've had finer than that.
I'd definitely tap that...
ass.
OK, l think you should go home.
It's still early, though.
I know.
I just want some alone time.
OK.
So when do we stop doing this "going back to our respective places"?
At the end of 90 days.
90 days, right.
A good, healthy period of rehabilitation, that's all.
Some people go to rehab for 30 days.
Those people usually relapse.
What about the 60-day people?
Still pretty iffy.
OK, l see.
So...
90 days.
Is it the morning of the 90th day or is it the evening of the 90th day?
It would be the 91st, actually.
That is so not fair.
Come on.
You're not 17, you can wait.
It'll be worth it, trust me.
Just wanna see that weird tattoo.
You've seen it.
Without all that annoying clothing to distract me.
Just once, l want to get to know someone before l sleep with them.
People used to get engaged before they'd even met and stay engaged for years while they got to know each other.
People also used to think cats could suck their souls out of their bodies.
They do.
You know, technically...
l could stay over before the 90 days.
We'd just have to sort of keep a lid on it.
I don't think l could do that.
OK.
I'm gonna go across the courtyard, count to 91 and then I'll masturbate.
You want more pizza, babe?
You barely ate a thing.
No, l had two pieces, I'm full.
Usually you eat the whole pizza yourself.
Are you feeling OK?
Yeah, l feel fine.
Can l get some more tokens?
Yeah.
Keeping an eye on your brother over there?
Yes.
Here.
One for you, one for him.
How was work?
Same shit, different day.
You don't want to talk to me about anything?
Why don't you tell me about your day?
I already did.
You weren't listening.
I was listening.
What did l say?
Look, Vanessa.
I'm just...
I'm just a little distracted right now, that's all.
It's Shakey's Pizza night.
It's meant to be fun.
The kids are having a blast.
It's supposed to be fun for all of us.
I'm having fun.
You're a lying sack of shit.
You had nothing to talk about for six months.
Can l be distracted for one night?
Your clitoris.
Hot, burning, wet pinkness.
I wasn't the first and l won't be the last.
The crack of the world for all to explore, except for me.
Been there, done that.
That's the end.
Thank you.
I feel violated.
I don't think he's ever been laid.
That's Edie!
OK.
Can we make a rule for open mike night?
No more angry poems or songs with clitoral or vaginal references in them...
unless you have one.
Here's my poem dedicated to every guy I've ever been with.
Your penis is kinda nice.
Too bad you're attached to it.
This next piece is a collaboration between me and my mom, who lives in Chicago.
My mom has cancer and she's really angry, even though she's been smoking three packs a day for 40 years.
Edie...
Feel sorry for her yet?
I just came back from lunch with your Aunt Betty.
Aunt Betty, who once told me black people couldn't go to heaven.
I feel so lost, l don't know what to do with myself.
OK, l lied about the cancer part.
There's nothing wrong with this woman.
Nothing.
What happened to me, Edie?
What happened to my life?
She's a fucking victim who's never taken a chance in her life and has nobody to blame but herself.
I wish l was dead.
Actually, my mom is the Vice President of the Midwestern Direct Marketing Association.
I can get you any targeted list you want.
Over 65, under 21, married, single, gay, lesbian, smokers, racists, cancer survivors.
She's plunging headlong into the abyss with all her guns firing!
You just tell me what you want and l will deliverl lt will take you 32 hours of physical agony and you will never let me forget about it!
Edie.
You made her look so beautiful.
Well, you and God.
That's our job.
Me and my associates, l mean.
Not me and God.
So how are you holding up?
Quite well.
Thank you for asking.
It's OK for you to be angry.
I'm not angry.
Maybe you don't realise it.
Anger is a natural and necessary stage in the grieving process.
Nate...
You can't just skip over it.
I've been there.
You have to live with it and allow yourself to dwell on it.
You have to own it.
Only then can you move through it and get on with the rest of your life.
I know there's a reason God chose this for Dorothy and l know that His wisdom is infinite.
What if you're wrong?
I'm not.
What if there is no God, no heaven?
Nate...
What if she's gone forever, like she didn't exist?
Your child will never know his mother.
That doesn't make you angry?
It's all right.
No, it's not.
If you'll excuse us for a moment.
Please.
That's enough.
I am just trying to help the guy face the truth.
I'm qualified.
I'm a funeral director, my wife is freshly fucking dead.
Who's more qualified?
This isn't about you.
Leave them alone.
You want to leave them alone?
Fine.
But don't expect me to feed them lame shit like it's gonna get better because it won't!
Well, maybe some people aren't ready for that. "
Formica: "A durable plastic laminate used in kitchen furnishings, "developed as an electrical insulator "as a replacement for the silicate mineral...mica."
That was so great.
No, it was self-indulgent.
I still don't know exactly what it's about, but l figure, do the work, stay out of the results.
I liked the cock poem at the beginning.
Totally improvised, right?
Was l too hard on him?
No, not at all.
He was weeping...
But two cute girls followed him out back.
Maybe he'll get a blow job out of it.
So you're at LAC Arts, right?
Yeah.
What year?
Sophomore.
You?
Junior, l think.
I haven't been keeping track of my credits or anything.
Claire grew up in a funeral home.
Why did you have to tell her that?
What's your medium?
Photography mostly.
But l haven't picked up my camera in months.
Why not?
I don't know.
I went through a tough time for a while.
That's the best time to work.
Your guts are all raw and you don't waste too much time thinking about it.
I just feel like anything l do will be shit.
So?
What's the worst that can happen?
Some asshole will make fun of you?
Like you made fun of poet guy?
Yeah, exactly.
I'm sure there are plenty of people here right now making fun of me.
I guess I'm just waiting for the right time.
Well, none of us may be here tomorrow.
You of all people should know that, right?
Are you OK?
Ever since Lisa died, every death that comes through here feels like her dying all over again.
It's only been a few months, Nate.
Yeah.
I keep thinking it's going to get easier.
No one ever said it gets easy.
Not easy, easier.
Just for five fucking minutes.
I can't get it out of my head even for that long.
Even when I'm with Maya.
Most of all, l just don't believe any of this any more.
Any of what?
That anything we say or do helps anybody.
All right, look...
l can't do this any more, David.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that l quit.
You're quitting?
I'm not cut out for this.
You're cut out for this.
Dad was.
Rico is.
Probably Arthur's cut out for this.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I am not cut out for this.
And l have got to find some other kind of life for myself.
And for Maya, too.
I have to.
I'm sorry.
Hello?
Is that you making all that noise?
What noise?
Sounds kind of like a moose that got hit by a Mack truck.
I beg your pardon, I'm orgasming.
You might want to dial it back a bit before the landlady calls animal control.
Can't help it.
Fantasising about making love to you is even better than actual sex with most people.
What are you wearing?
At the moment?
Nothing.
Come over in that.
You're joking, right?
Maybe not, but come now before l change my mind.
Did anyone see you come over?
I hope so.
Get in here.
Well...the balI's in your court, so to speak.
Is everything all right, David?
As a matter of fact, no, everything is not all right.
Nate quit.
What do you mean, he quit?
His job.
When?
Last night.
It's now Fisher & Diaz as in one Fisher and one Diaz.
Well, you've been complaining about Nate's work.
I'd think you'd be happy if he took a break.
Mom, he's not taking a break, he quit.
Now there are just two of us.
I already had to drop out of chorus since he's almost never here.
Perhaps this is for the best, then.
I suppose we can get Arthur to pick up some of the slack.
He can embalm as long as one of us is in the room with him.
The average American changes career seven times during his or her lifetime.
Is that information supposed to be useful in some way, George?
It's just a fact.
Hey, I'm gonna take Maya to the park.
OK, l know.
Have fun at the park.
I'll be here at work, keeping us all afloat.
Dorothy loved all of you and l know that she'll watch down on us as we sleep.
But know that she is not gone and anyone who knows Dorothy knows it.
Hey, why are you...
Hey, dum-dum.
I just got home and l was thinking about how sweet you are.
And l miss you.
Yeah.
Hey, look, I'm at work right now.
I shouldn't even be...
l was thinking maybe you could come over later, OK?
Please?
OK.
Maybe l can stop by for, like, a little while.
OK.
Pick us up something to eat, too.
Some...
Nicole loves pizza with pepperoni.
We can eat it together and watch TV.
It'll be fun.
I can do that.
I'll be there in a little bit.
OK, hurry.
I can't wait.
Vanessa's just called.
Augusto has an ear infection and she needs me to take him to the doctor.
OK, fine, go.
Shit!
It just started, then it wouldn't stop.
Jesus fucking Christ.
All the blood's backed up into the plumbing.
After we spent $38,000 for a whole new system less than two years ago?
Should l call the plumber?
Yes, tell him it's an emergency!
And don't let anybody use the bathroom!
This is so fucking gross.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Taking pictures.
This is right out of The Shining.
This is not cool or legal.
Stop it!
What bug crawled up your ass?
This is our family business.
Even if I'm the only one of the family who gives a shit any more.
What if you need photos for the insurance company?
All right, take some more, but this is not an art project.
OK, here we go.
Good job.
All right, all right.
Good job.
Whoever did your last job cut some corners by using PVC instead of copper.
That's not good.
Then your drainage line busted and backed up into your septic.
Once that happened, everything went to hell from there.
But l replaced all your busted PVC with copper and you should be OK.
I just need you to initial here, here, and sign here.
Thanks for coming so quickly.
Hey, that's...
That's what I'm here for.
Something wrong?
No.
I'm doing something wrong.
No, not at all.
Am I?
Not at all.
It's a little weird, isn't it?
It's always weird in the beginning.
Is this more weird or less weird?
You want me to compare?
No.
I mean, yes.
I do, kind of.
Only if it's a favourable comparison.
This is fine.
Good.
Is it good for you?
Yes, definitely.
Good, I'm glad.
I think we're talking too much.
Yes.
I really like you, Brenda.
We're definitely talking too much.
You do have a lot of hair in your ears.
I have no idea why, from an evolutionary perspective, Homo sapiens get hairier the older they get.
You have such an interesting way of looking at the world, George.
Ruth, l have the feeling that your children don't care all that much for me.
That's not true.
Well, perhaps you try a bit too hard with them.
I'm just trying to have a relationship with them, that's all.
I hate to say this, but I'm finding your family a little difficult to connect with.
Turn your head, please.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe if l didn't try so hard.
I love you just the way you are.
And sooner or later, everyone else in this family will love you, too.
I quit my job.
I quit my whole fucking life.
You didn't quit, you got fired.
I guess maybe l did, yeah.
Not the best thing that ever happened to me, but it was right up there.
Getting married, becoming a father, getting creamed by a bus, those are some of life's big moments.
You were never cut out for this business.
That's what I've been thinking.
It's all a bunch of bullshit, right?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Sometimes I'd even surprise myself at how heartfelt I'd find myself in a given situation and then sometimes you'd just say the words and hope nobody realises you're full of crap.
Happens to the best of us.
But you're probably better off.
I'd give anything if Lisa hadn't died.
Then again, when she was here, l just wanted to be free.
You coming inside?
No.
Not today.
This one...well, she's a keeper.
Yeah, isn't she?
Whatever you do, don't fuck that up.
You take care of yourself, buddy boy.
Well, what do we have here?
Come on.
You still haven't even seen Cameron Diaz?
It's only been two days.
She's very private.
Apparently so.
It's a glamorous job, what can l say?
Do you like the guys you're working with?
They're OK.
I got a blow job today.
You did not.
I did.
From who?
From the plumber.
You got a blow job from a plumber?
His name was Andy.
A white guy?
Yeah.
He was good with the wrench.
Did you return the favour?
No.
You better not think you're getting out of having sex with me tonight.
OK, but l might need you to talk about water rams and hand snakes.
Might it be a late wedding present?
There's no return address.
What is it?
I believe it's faeces.
Faeces?
Who in the world would send you faeces in the mail?
I don't know.
Look at this, Maya.
Somebody sent Grandpa a big steaming pile of dookie.
Wait, don't throw it away before l can get my camera.
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