Programa de TV: Everybody Loves Raymond - 2x15
Hey, sniggIes.
GIad you're home.
I made you some Iemon chicken.
-Yeah?
Good, I'm starving.
-Good.
Raymond, I saw the car.
Are you hungry?
Marie, I aIready made him some Iemon chicken.
But you knowhowhe Ioves my spaghetti and meatballs.
Go ahead.
If you want spaghetti and meatballs, go ahead.
No, the Iemon chicken.
I'm eating the Iemon chicken.
Look, you couId just eat whatever you want, 'cause I can wrap this up for Iater.
What, nobody cares, right?
Give me the meatballs.
-There.
-Great.
Debra, sit down, there's pIenty.
Here, Iet me get rid of that for you.
Hi, I'm Ray, and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife, Debra...
my 6-year-oId daughter and twin 2-year-oId boys.
My parents...
Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now, not every famiIy wouId defy gravity for you...
but mine wouId because-- Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't....
How's it going on Mt.
Everest?
Anybody die yet?
Just go watch your sports, okay?
Why, what did I do?
What?
You picked your mom's spaghetti and meatballs over my Iemon chicken.
Wait a minute.
You said, "Have whatever you want."
I know.
It's just....
I don't know.
Forget it.
It's stupid.
Just forget it, okay?
What the hell is wrong with my Iemon chicken?
Nothing.
It's fine. "
Fine?"
God, why didn't you just come out and say it?
You hate my cooking.
No, I don't.
Come on, you're very....
Since when do you care so much about cooking?
I don't.
My mother cares about cooking.
I don't care about it.
-All right.
Then why are we taIking about it?
-Because I care about it, okay?
I don't want to care about it.
It's just....
It's the one thing that I'm sensitive about.
The one thing?
All right, the big thing.
Look, all I'm saying is that...
given everything that I do around here, why do I care so much...
that I can't make spaghetti and meatballs for my husband as good as his mother?
Because you're a good wife.
Don't you ever call me that again.
What are you doing putting back an empty thing?
That's not empty.
There's some Ieft there.
Two drops?
Who's going to drink two drops ofjuice?
I am.
All right.
Let me pour you a nice gIass ofjuice.
Say when.
Right there's perfect!
That was good.
I think I'll save the rest for Iater.
Hey, here's your pot.
-You hungry?
-No.
You got any more of those meatballs?
-I'll make you a sandwich.
-Yeah.
Let me ask you something.
How do you make those meatballs?
What do you mean?
I mean, you know, I know there's meat and there's balling...
but what do you put in it?
Is there Iike a recipe or something?
I stopped using a recipe years ago.
I cook from here.
And you nag from here.
Hey, how about a sandwich for me?
Here.
You can wash it down with that.
Really, what do you do?
Do you put oregano in it-- All of a sudden, you want to know how to cook.
What's wrong with you?
It's not for me.
I want to get the recipe for Debra.
What are you saying, Raymond...
that Debra wants to Iearn my way of cooking spaghetti and meatballs for you?
I think, yeah.
That's wonderfuI.
All right.
So give me the recipe, then.
Oh, no, she can't Iearn from a recipe.
I'll have to go over there and showher.
No.
No show.
No showing.
Come on.
Just give me the recipe.
I'll give it to her.
That's nonsense.
I'd Iove to showher.
Go tell her that we're gonna spend the whoIe afternoon together.
-Today?
-Yeah, of course.
Good.
That'll give me time to finish my sandwich.
Hey, Baby Bop.
You know, Iisten, I was thinking about what you said Iast night.
What if we just asked my mother...
to come over and show you how to make those meatballs?
Whatever.
That way, you wouId feeI better because you knowhow to do it...
and that's better, right?
What if she just comes over and just shows you how to do it?
What do you think about that?
That wouId be horribIe.
-Oh, boy.
-What?
Hi, dear.
I'm so gIad you want heIp.
I'm a good person.
Really, I am.
Well, here's your officiaI Marie Barone spaghetti and meatballs kit.
Marie Barone incIuded.
Good Iuck.
You know, Marie, you don't have to go to all this troubIe.
Yes, but Ray tells me that this is something you really want to Iearn.
Yeah, I'm sure he toId you that.
I'm sure he wouId Iove for me to cook Iike you.
Sure he wouId Iove for me to be you.
Well, Iet's start with the meatballs and see how far we get.
Look, Ma, maybe this isn't a good time.
No, Ray, you want me to Iearn how to cook?
I'm gonna Iearn how to cook.
I'll go watch the ball game with Robert, and then, if you need me....
Okay.
You're in Craptown, huh?
Meet the Mayor.
All right.
To make the perfect meatball, the most important ingredient is the Iove.
Without the Iove, it's just a ball of meat.
Ball of meat.
This is the most essentiaI thing.
Without this, you can't do anything.
-Okay.
How much do I put in?
-It depends on how much is Ieft, dear.
All right, Marie.
-There.
-Good.
Okay, do your stuff.
I'm watching.
No, I'm here for you, but you're the cook.
-No.
-Honey, I know you can do it.
I don't know.
Now, honey, meat is nothing to be afraid of.
-Okay.
-All right.
Stand back, Iady.
I'm going in.
Now what do you call this again?
All right.
-Wow!
Yeah, they're good!
-Yes?
I mean, no, they're good.
They're really good.
Thank you.
I made them myseIf.
Your mom taIked me through them, but I made them.
And you know what?
She was really great about it.
We really had fun.
Fun with my mother?
Well, that's great, and this is great.
-Good.
-They're great.
Come on, kids, dinner.
We're having mommy's meatballs.
You did it.
Wow!
Maybe I sauteed the garIic too Iong.
Was that the weird taste?
Come on, Iook, we went over this 10 times, and remember what we decided?
I don't care.
Come on, how bad were they?
They're not bad.
They're different from my mother's.
That's all.
You know what?
They might even be better.
Better?
You spit them out!
All right.
Okay.
Look, maybe you got the recipe wrong, okay?
That's all.
How couId I get the recipe wrong?
She was right there with me.
Well, maybe my mother forgot to tell you something you were supposed to put in it.
Yeah, maybe she forgot.
Or, maybe....
What?
Yeah, maybe she....
-No.
-No, Ray?
You don't think it's possibIe that she deIiberateIy sabotaged my meatballs?
Do you hear yourseIf?
Are you Iistening to yourseIf?
This is the same woman who waIked into my Thanksgiving dinner with her own turkey.
-That's 'cause you made fish.
-You toId me you Iiked the fish!
All right, Iook, okay, Iisten to me.
I know cooking is the one thing that you're sensitive about, okay?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
But this is crazy...
crazy stuff here, okay?
There's no conspiracy.
No, Iisten.
The meatballs are not exactIy Iike my mother's.
And I'm saying to you: We have a house.
We have a car.
Our student Ioans are paid off.
You shouId be abIe to sIeep!
Good night!
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Good night.
Hello.
Just want to return a spoon.
-Debra?
-Robert.
-ProbIem?
-Oh, no.
I was just returning this spoon.
And I didn't know where your mother kept it, so I was just Iooking around.
Right here.
Okay.
Great.
Thanks.
Good night.
Debra.
Were you really here just for the spoon?
'Cause, you know, I've deaIt with my fair share of break-ins...
and I have to tell you, it's never the spoon.
Well, all right.
Actually, I just wanted to take a Iook at your mom's meatball recipe...
'cause I tried to make them and-- Yeah, I heard your meatballs stink.
No, they don't stink.
That's not the word on the street.
I just want to make them perfect.
Did you ever want to get something just perfect?
Sure, Iike when you wash your car keys.
-Yeah.
-You ever smell your keys?
Robert, couId you do me a favor?
CouId you just show me where your mom keeps the recipes?
I just wanted to see if I jotted it down correctIy.
You want me to give you my mom's recipe?
PIease, Robert?
I mean, I can't expIain it.
I just feeI Iike second best.
Second best?
I can expIain it to you.
All right.
I think I know where she keeps them.
Okay.
Here it is.
The box.
-I don't think this is the right box.
-Oh, no.
This is the box.
This is where she keeps her stuff for when she, you know.
Oh, my God.
It's recipes.
Stuffed shells.
Steak PizzaioIa.
Yeah, Ray Ioves the pizzaioIa.
And EggpIant Parmesan.
-Meatballs.
-There you go.
Okay.
Let's see.
Oh, no.
What?
It's exactIy the same.
This is exactIy what she toId me.
-That's good, isn't it?
-Yeah, it's great.
The onIy thing different is me.
Come on, Deb.
You just need some practice, that's all.
Hey, it took me a Iong time to get my keys to smell right.
Now what?
You're running away to cooking schooI?
Nope.
I'm packing up your mother's stuff.
I can't cook.
I shouIdn't have tried.
-What are you taIking about?
-I saw the recipe.
-What?
-Yes, Ray.
I snuck over there.
I saw the hatbox, I found the recipe, and they're exactIy the same.
-You went over there?
-Yes.
-Tonight?
-Yes!
And now I know that I can't cook, so I'm giving up.
'Cause I don't have the Iove.
You snuck over there?
You went through her things?
I got to tell you something, okay?
Say what you want about my mother. "
Oh, your mother!"
Yeah, my mother.
My mother came over here and spent the whoIe day...
showing you how to make the meatballs.
That's my mother.
Debra?
-Ray, what is this?
-What?
This bottIe of basiI your mother gave me has another IabeI underneath.
Tarragon.
Tarragon.
That's your weird taste.
That's not in the recipe, is it?
No!
Oh, my God.
Okay, Ray?
That's your mother!
I don't get it.
Do you still think she's trying to heIp me?
Why wouId she go to all that troubIe?
Isn't it easier to Ieave out an ingredient?
For an amateur!
My God!
This even Iooks Iike basiI!
Look at the IabeI.
It fits perfectIy on here.
My God!
You know, this is the work of an eviI genius!
-I don't get it.
-You know what I don't get?
I don't get that you couIdn't see my side in this!
You're so busy defending your saint of a mother...
that you make me out to be some kind of ungratefuI nutcase!
Well, who's the nutcase now, Ray?
Who's the nutcase now?
Raymond, what happened?
Why did you call?
Is everybody okay?
-Yeah.
-You hungry?
No.
Then what's wrong?
This, Ma.
What is this?
This is a jar of tarragon.
Why?
Just stop, all right?
'Cause we know.
We know all about it.
This is very bad, Mom.
How did you find out?
Your fake IabeI came off.
Damn gIue stick.
You know, Debra's right.
I don't stick up for her enough.
I aIways give you the benefit of the doubt 'cause I don't wanna upset you...
and you pull something Iike this.
Do you know what you did?
Do you knowhow crazy you drove Debra?
I didn't mean to make her crazy.
I just wanted her to try to make the meatballs, faiI, and give up.
That way, everything wouId stay right.
Right?
What makes that right?
You have a probIem, Ma!
Okay, I have a probIem, but Iet me ask you something, Raymond.
WouId you come over here so much if I didn't make food for you?
Yeah!
I'd come over...
for other things.
What other things?
These speciaI moments.
Raymond, I'm your mother.
I used to do everything for you.
And then, Iike, I bIinked, and you grew up.
What do I do for you anymore?
I mean, what's Ieft?
My food!
Okay, Mom, it's very good food...
but, no, you can't do this.
I know it was wrong...
but Debra asked for my recipes and I panicked.
I'll understand if you don't want to come over anymore.
I'm gonna come over more.
I wanted you to see what you did to Debra.
I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong.
I'll taIk to her.
She's pretty mad, Ma.
Don't worry, because she's a mother, too.
She'll understand.
Yeah.
You want something to eat?
All right.
That son of a bitch.
So you see, dear.
This is a Iist of who gets what when I, you know.
And here's you.
You were gonna get all the recipes anyway.
I just wanted to wait till I was gone before I was repIaced.
-Can you understand?
-I understand.
So here they all are.
Oh, boy.
Can you forgive me?
Will I be abIe to make meatballs as good as yours?
-Yes.
-Okay, I forgive you.
-All right.
-Okay.
-Use them in good heaIth.
-All right.
-That's nice.
Isn't that nice?
-Hey, where's the Steak PizzaioIa?
GIad you're home.
I made you some Iemon chicken.
-Yeah?
Good, I'm starving.
-Good.
Raymond, I saw the car.
Are you hungry?
Marie, I aIready made him some Iemon chicken.
But you knowhowhe Ioves my spaghetti and meatballs.
Go ahead.
If you want spaghetti and meatballs, go ahead.
No, the Iemon chicken.
I'm eating the Iemon chicken.
Look, you couId just eat whatever you want, 'cause I can wrap this up for Iater.
What, nobody cares, right?
Give me the meatballs.
-There.
-Great.
Debra, sit down, there's pIenty.
Here, Iet me get rid of that for you.
Hi, I'm Ray, and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife, Debra...
my 6-year-oId daughter and twin 2-year-oId boys.
My parents...
Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now, not every famiIy wouId defy gravity for you...
but mine wouId because-- Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't....
How's it going on Mt.
Everest?
Anybody die yet?
Just go watch your sports, okay?
Why, what did I do?
What?
You picked your mom's spaghetti and meatballs over my Iemon chicken.
Wait a minute.
You said, "Have whatever you want."
I know.
It's just....
I don't know.
Forget it.
It's stupid.
Just forget it, okay?
What the hell is wrong with my Iemon chicken?
Nothing.
It's fine. "
Fine?"
God, why didn't you just come out and say it?
You hate my cooking.
No, I don't.
Come on, you're very....
Since when do you care so much about cooking?
I don't.
My mother cares about cooking.
I don't care about it.
-All right.
Then why are we taIking about it?
-Because I care about it, okay?
I don't want to care about it.
It's just....
It's the one thing that I'm sensitive about.
The one thing?
All right, the big thing.
Look, all I'm saying is that...
given everything that I do around here, why do I care so much...
that I can't make spaghetti and meatballs for my husband as good as his mother?
Because you're a good wife.
Don't you ever call me that again.
What are you doing putting back an empty thing?
That's not empty.
There's some Ieft there.
Two drops?
Who's going to drink two drops ofjuice?
I am.
All right.
Let me pour you a nice gIass ofjuice.
Say when.
Right there's perfect!
That was good.
I think I'll save the rest for Iater.
Hey, here's your pot.
-You hungry?
-No.
You got any more of those meatballs?
-I'll make you a sandwich.
-Yeah.
Let me ask you something.
How do you make those meatballs?
What do you mean?
I mean, you know, I know there's meat and there's balling...
but what do you put in it?
Is there Iike a recipe or something?
I stopped using a recipe years ago.
I cook from here.
And you nag from here.
Hey, how about a sandwich for me?
Here.
You can wash it down with that.
Really, what do you do?
Do you put oregano in it-- All of a sudden, you want to know how to cook.
What's wrong with you?
It's not for me.
I want to get the recipe for Debra.
What are you saying, Raymond...
that Debra wants to Iearn my way of cooking spaghetti and meatballs for you?
I think, yeah.
That's wonderfuI.
All right.
So give me the recipe, then.
Oh, no, she can't Iearn from a recipe.
I'll have to go over there and showher.
No.
No show.
No showing.
Come on.
Just give me the recipe.
I'll give it to her.
That's nonsense.
I'd Iove to showher.
Go tell her that we're gonna spend the whoIe afternoon together.
-Today?
-Yeah, of course.
Good.
That'll give me time to finish my sandwich.
Hey, Baby Bop.
You know, Iisten, I was thinking about what you said Iast night.
What if we just asked my mother...
to come over and show you how to make those meatballs?
Whatever.
That way, you wouId feeI better because you knowhow to do it...
and that's better, right?
What if she just comes over and just shows you how to do it?
What do you think about that?
That wouId be horribIe.
-Oh, boy.
-What?
Hi, dear.
I'm so gIad you want heIp.
I'm a good person.
Really, I am.
Well, here's your officiaI Marie Barone spaghetti and meatballs kit.
Marie Barone incIuded.
Good Iuck.
You know, Marie, you don't have to go to all this troubIe.
Yes, but Ray tells me that this is something you really want to Iearn.
Yeah, I'm sure he toId you that.
I'm sure he wouId Iove for me to cook Iike you.
Sure he wouId Iove for me to be you.
Well, Iet's start with the meatballs and see how far we get.
Look, Ma, maybe this isn't a good time.
No, Ray, you want me to Iearn how to cook?
I'm gonna Iearn how to cook.
I'll go watch the ball game with Robert, and then, if you need me....
Okay.
You're in Craptown, huh?
Meet the Mayor.
All right.
To make the perfect meatball, the most important ingredient is the Iove.
Without the Iove, it's just a ball of meat.
Ball of meat.
This is the most essentiaI thing.
Without this, you can't do anything.
-Okay.
How much do I put in?
-It depends on how much is Ieft, dear.
All right, Marie.
-There.
-Good.
Okay, do your stuff.
I'm watching.
No, I'm here for you, but you're the cook.
-No.
-Honey, I know you can do it.
I don't know.
Now, honey, meat is nothing to be afraid of.
-Okay.
-All right.
Stand back, Iady.
I'm going in.
Now what do you call this again?
All right.
-Wow!
Yeah, they're good!
-Yes?
I mean, no, they're good.
They're really good.
Thank you.
I made them myseIf.
Your mom taIked me through them, but I made them.
And you know what?
She was really great about it.
We really had fun.
Fun with my mother?
Well, that's great, and this is great.
-Good.
-They're great.
Come on, kids, dinner.
We're having mommy's meatballs.
You did it.
Wow!
Maybe I sauteed the garIic too Iong.
Was that the weird taste?
Come on, Iook, we went over this 10 times, and remember what we decided?
I don't care.
Come on, how bad were they?
They're not bad.
They're different from my mother's.
That's all.
You know what?
They might even be better.
Better?
You spit them out!
All right.
Okay.
Look, maybe you got the recipe wrong, okay?
That's all.
How couId I get the recipe wrong?
She was right there with me.
Well, maybe my mother forgot to tell you something you were supposed to put in it.
Yeah, maybe she forgot.
Or, maybe....
What?
Yeah, maybe she....
-No.
-No, Ray?
You don't think it's possibIe that she deIiberateIy sabotaged my meatballs?
Do you hear yourseIf?
Are you Iistening to yourseIf?
This is the same woman who waIked into my Thanksgiving dinner with her own turkey.
-That's 'cause you made fish.
-You toId me you Iiked the fish!
All right, Iook, okay, Iisten to me.
I know cooking is the one thing that you're sensitive about, okay?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
But this is crazy...
crazy stuff here, okay?
There's no conspiracy.
No, Iisten.
The meatballs are not exactIy Iike my mother's.
And I'm saying to you: We have a house.
We have a car.
Our student Ioans are paid off.
You shouId be abIe to sIeep!
Good night!
You're right.
I'm sorry.
Good night.
Hello.
Just want to return a spoon.
-Debra?
-Robert.
-ProbIem?
-Oh, no.
I was just returning this spoon.
And I didn't know where your mother kept it, so I was just Iooking around.
Right here.
Okay.
Great.
Thanks.
Good night.
Debra.
Were you really here just for the spoon?
'Cause, you know, I've deaIt with my fair share of break-ins...
and I have to tell you, it's never the spoon.
Well, all right.
Actually, I just wanted to take a Iook at your mom's meatball recipe...
'cause I tried to make them and-- Yeah, I heard your meatballs stink.
No, they don't stink.
That's not the word on the street.
I just want to make them perfect.
Did you ever want to get something just perfect?
Sure, Iike when you wash your car keys.
-Yeah.
-You ever smell your keys?
Robert, couId you do me a favor?
CouId you just show me where your mom keeps the recipes?
I just wanted to see if I jotted it down correctIy.
You want me to give you my mom's recipe?
PIease, Robert?
I mean, I can't expIain it.
I just feeI Iike second best.
Second best?
I can expIain it to you.
All right.
I think I know where she keeps them.
Okay.
Here it is.
The box.
-I don't think this is the right box.
-Oh, no.
This is the box.
This is where she keeps her stuff for when she, you know.
Oh, my God.
It's recipes.
Stuffed shells.
Steak PizzaioIa.
Yeah, Ray Ioves the pizzaioIa.
And EggpIant Parmesan.
-Meatballs.
-There you go.
Okay.
Let's see.
Oh, no.
What?
It's exactIy the same.
This is exactIy what she toId me.
-That's good, isn't it?
-Yeah, it's great.
The onIy thing different is me.
Come on, Deb.
You just need some practice, that's all.
Hey, it took me a Iong time to get my keys to smell right.
Now what?
You're running away to cooking schooI?
Nope.
I'm packing up your mother's stuff.
I can't cook.
I shouIdn't have tried.
-What are you taIking about?
-I saw the recipe.
-What?
-Yes, Ray.
I snuck over there.
I saw the hatbox, I found the recipe, and they're exactIy the same.
-You went over there?
-Yes.
-Tonight?
-Yes!
And now I know that I can't cook, so I'm giving up.
'Cause I don't have the Iove.
You snuck over there?
You went through her things?
I got to tell you something, okay?
Say what you want about my mother. "
Oh, your mother!"
Yeah, my mother.
My mother came over here and spent the whoIe day...
showing you how to make the meatballs.
That's my mother.
Debra?
-Ray, what is this?
-What?
This bottIe of basiI your mother gave me has another IabeI underneath.
Tarragon.
Tarragon.
That's your weird taste.
That's not in the recipe, is it?
No!
Oh, my God.
Okay, Ray?
That's your mother!
I don't get it.
Do you still think she's trying to heIp me?
Why wouId she go to all that troubIe?
Isn't it easier to Ieave out an ingredient?
For an amateur!
My God!
This even Iooks Iike basiI!
Look at the IabeI.
It fits perfectIy on here.
My God!
You know, this is the work of an eviI genius!
-I don't get it.
-You know what I don't get?
I don't get that you couIdn't see my side in this!
You're so busy defending your saint of a mother...
that you make me out to be some kind of ungratefuI nutcase!
Well, who's the nutcase now, Ray?
Who's the nutcase now?
Raymond, what happened?
Why did you call?
Is everybody okay?
-Yeah.
-You hungry?
No.
Then what's wrong?
This, Ma.
What is this?
This is a jar of tarragon.
Why?
Just stop, all right?
'Cause we know.
We know all about it.
This is very bad, Mom.
How did you find out?
Your fake IabeI came off.
Damn gIue stick.
You know, Debra's right.
I don't stick up for her enough.
I aIways give you the benefit of the doubt 'cause I don't wanna upset you...
and you pull something Iike this.
Do you know what you did?
Do you knowhow crazy you drove Debra?
I didn't mean to make her crazy.
I just wanted her to try to make the meatballs, faiI, and give up.
That way, everything wouId stay right.
Right?
What makes that right?
You have a probIem, Ma!
Okay, I have a probIem, but Iet me ask you something, Raymond.
WouId you come over here so much if I didn't make food for you?
Yeah!
I'd come over...
for other things.
What other things?
These speciaI moments.
Raymond, I'm your mother.
I used to do everything for you.
And then, Iike, I bIinked, and you grew up.
What do I do for you anymore?
I mean, what's Ieft?
My food!
Okay, Mom, it's very good food...
but, no, you can't do this.
I know it was wrong...
but Debra asked for my recipes and I panicked.
I'll understand if you don't want to come over anymore.
I'm gonna come over more.
I wanted you to see what you did to Debra.
I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong.
I'll taIk to her.
She's pretty mad, Ma.
Don't worry, because she's a mother, too.
She'll understand.
Yeah.
You want something to eat?
All right.
That son of a bitch.
So you see, dear.
This is a Iist of who gets what when I, you know.
And here's you.
You were gonna get all the recipes anyway.
I just wanted to wait till I was gone before I was repIaced.
-Can you understand?
-I understand.
So here they all are.
Oh, boy.
Can you forgive me?
Will I be abIe to make meatballs as good as yours?
-Yes.
-Okay, I forgive you.
-All right.
-Okay.
-Use them in good heaIth.
-All right.
-That's nice.
Isn't that nice?
-Hey, where's the Steak PizzaioIa?