Programa de TV: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - 1x15
Previously on Studio 60...
You want to hear a reality pitch?
It's about healing.
We show people making apologies in their lives.
I've got goosebumps.
You hate it.
How the hell did that get in there?
Jordan?!
Look behind you.
And I start thinking about sleeping with him.
And then I stop.
I feel like I'm cheating on- Stop.
I didn't hear anything after, you think about sleeping with him?
Go camera C...hover around, hover around.
Just about please.
Lets make that nice dissolve, there should be a push-in on the chorus.
Somebody mark that on [???] 2 and 3.
Sound.
You got it.
[???] And ready 1.
Go 1.
Yeah?
Hi, this is Jordan Mcdeere I'm the president of NBS west coast entertainment.
Yes maam.
I'm concerned that not enough of your camera's are aimed at her chest.
Well I got all four of them working, but this is just dress.
If you want, I could bring in some IMAX equipment for tonight.
This is what you like huh?
Me?
Uh...no, I'll tell you why.
She's too sexy.
My hormones are like [???] experiment right now.
What does that mean?
Get the camera's off her chest!
Okay, see ya.
Dress is going pretty well.
Matt?
Dress is going pretty well.
Yeah.
This office isn't a bad vertical leap from your first one.
What do you mean?
Are you all right?
You know I...
don't really like anything, or anyone.
But if you ever want to talk about anything I'm just saying, you know...
this is a nice step up from your first office here.
Remember how you could hold out your arms with a pencil in each hand and write on both walls at the same time?
That wasn't my first office, that was my second office.
My first office was on the floor outside the writers room.
I sat there with newspapers and a legal pad.
Tim!
Yeah?
What's going on?
I just got fired.
Wes fired me.
What are you talking about?
Wes fired me.
You get my office, Matt you're going to share it with Luke.
Wait..what..
Wait what are you talking about?
He caught me taking pills.
When?
Now...this morning.
I was just, I mean its the first What does it matter man, he went ballistic.
Tim Its the first pitch meeting of the year, I'm here all night, let him be funny without sleeping.
He fired you?
I could have my job back if I go to rehab.
Go to rehab.
I'm not begging for my job.
Why not?!
Also, you know...maybe- What?
Maybe its a good idea.
Matt Albie...go to hell.
Come on Tim, wait a second.
You get my office.
Synch : Nuwanda Transcripts : Nuwanda I'm Harriet Hayes Its my turn to thank you for being a terrific rehersal audience.
Now we have to ask you to stay in your seats another two and a half minutes so our director Cal Shanley can practice coming back for the goodnights.
In the mean time, I can tell you a little bit about what happens now.
Danny Tripp is going to head out to Matt Albie's office and in the next hour, they're going to decide which sketches stay in the show.
Its called the Friday Night Slaughter.
People!
[???] Got about ten?
Guys!
Let's go, hey!
Everybody shut up!
Welcome to the first day of school everybody.
We've got presidential primaries coming up...
We got Heidi Flyce getting out of prison.
We've got Philip Morris admiting cigarettes kill you...
By the way, smoking is no longer allowed in the building.
And we got an American winning the Tour de France.
Wes will be coming in in a minute to give us his pep talk, but before he does- Excuse me?
You're late.
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
I'm Harriet Hayes.
That's right...
Everybody this is Harriet Hayes, she's joining us this year.
Don't be late again Harriet.
They didn't have my name- I don't care, don't be late.
Sure.
Our host is Jennifer Love Hewitt, our musical gues is N'sync.
Now we're going to go around- Albie?
Yeah, sorry.
If you pay attention I think you have an excellent chance of not getting a sketch on the air this year either.
Okay now we're going to go around the table, but first I have a few things I'd like to throw at you...
28 minutes long.
Yeah.
An embarrassment of riches.
Yeah.
It was good.
Here's three-twenty and here's four-ten and four-thirty...
Easy.
You want it back?
Let's just start with Juliette Lewis...
No, I'll fix that You got other things to fix.
Yeah I know.
We're a little Harriet-heavy tonight.
Did it feel like that?
Yeah, cause it is like that.
Lets cut Juliette Lewis.
We'll stick a pin in it 28 minutes heavy...
-Yeah, yup.
Whats going on?
Just the slaughter.
I think we got Harriet enough material for an HBO special.
The fisherman is working well.
Yeah, Tom's nailing it.
If we move it to the third sea-break, I'll need to reposition the flash for wake-up item.
We're still going to need a clear throughway for News 60.
We're going to be locked coming out of...
Hey do you know which room they gave to Harriet Hayes?
We're putting her in J, but they're still cleaning it out.
Thanks.
She's cute!
Go get her Matt!
Oh no, I was just...I'm going to talk to her about a thing.
Hi.
Hi!
Uh, I'm Matt Albie.
Harriet Hayes.
I'm sorry if I got you into trouble upstairs.
Oh, thats okay...
I'm just waiting to get into my room.
Danny Tripp is my best friend.
He says, he says you're great.
That's sweet, thanks.
Yeah.
Its really something to be here.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe I'd try writing something for you, and then we could pitch it.
You sure?
Yeah.
You don't think it would be a better idea if you wrote for some of the bigger guys?
Uh...well...
Isn't there more chance you'd get something on the air if you write for some of the bigger guys?
Yeah...
I didn't mean to- Its difficult to get sketches on the air in the beginning I've had plenty come close.
Again, I didn't mean to- He was making that a joke.
I know Lot of my stuff makes it to the dress but gets cut at the slaughter.
Maybe it wouldn't if you wrote for some of the bigger guys.
Or maybe you'd get on the air sooner if you had some of the bigger guys writing for you?
I'm new here.
I don't want to fight.
We're not.
It feels like we are Do you want me to try writing something for you?
Or do you want to stand here with your carton and wait for someone with a better resume to walk by?
It really feels like we're fighting.
Do you have any voices?
I'm sorry?
Do you have any voices?
Some...
Who?
Julia Roberts, Neve Campbell, I'm working on Juliette Lewis.
Can I hear Julia Roberts?
So Edward...now that you have me here what are you going to do with me?
Are you a planner?
Yeah, me too...
Actually actually no, I wouldn't say I was a planner...I'd say its more of a fly-by-the-sea...
You want to cut Julia Roberts?
I got Julia Roberts right.
You got it right a long time ago.
There is a theme in Harriet's sketches tonight.
Whats that?
All the characters debuted 7 years ago.
There's plenty of new stuff.
Good so lets cut the old stuff.
It works.
No one is saying it doesn't.
But we have to cut 28 minutes.
Can we just stick a pin in it?
All right, not for long.
Metric Conversion?
You guys know whatever happened to Tim Who?
Tim Batale Who's that?
The writer.
Never heard of him.
Tim Batale.
I don't remember him.
The writer, he worked here.
Tim Batale?
He had my first office, Wes fired him.
I don't remember him.
Metric Conversion...
Are you senile?
Me?
I hope so, cause if I've got further to fall...
Tim Batale!
Matty, we don't remember him!
Okay, we're on the air in 75 minutes.
Really?
Where's the clock in here?
It's too small I can't see it.
Metric Conversion...
They're standing outside.
Who?
Don't look...Tom and Dillon.
They're here to see if we're going to- Here wait, pretend you're talking to me.
Yeah!
Yeah, I agree...absolutely, that's interesting, yes.
Yes...
Yes, you see it could be in the show...
or not in the show.
In the show...
or not in the show.
They're doing that on purpose.
They are.
They Absolutely are.
I'm going in there to kick the holy crap out of them.
Take it easy...
You think this is funny?!
They're going to know we're watching.
If they're doing it on purpose, then they already know we're watching.
Its true...
Its a good sketch.
No, its a very good sketch.
Damn [???] I'll tell you what else...
Its a little sketch that could.
What do you mean?
That we've been trying to get it on for 6 weeks and we get it this far and it keeps getting cut but despite the rejection, we keep working on it.
It is a little sketch that could.
And if will!
It will!
Its good!
I'm telling you its good!
It is!
Not that many people laughed.
Not as many as you'd like in a situation like this.
Yeah I see you in there you Irish...
Give me some Irish word...
Glorified electrician?
Glorified- That sucks, what are you doing to me?
I know.
Well now we're the bitches.
Do it again.
This sketch could be cut.
Yes, interesting Or not cut.
Guys!
Cut!
Guys?!
Come on in!
Hi its me.
Hi.
I brought you this for your room.
Oh gosh look at you.
Ah, should have done it the first day.
Consider it a third day of work present.
Its a maidenhead fern.
Its great cause they like shade.
The only thing you can grow is very delicate ferns.
It was the delicate ferns that attract my attention.
I'm going to go get a little water for it.
I had an idea for you.
Mathew, you've never seen me perform how do you know what I'd be good at?
I watched your audition tape.
When?
After I saw you monday morning.
Then again after I came down here.
Tuesday a few times and this morning.
Really?
The again last night, I made a dub.
You know you can sing too.
I didn't sing on my audition tape.
I asked around.
I can act too, I'm trained as a singer.
I didn't know that.
Oh, things you don't know!
Like what?
You don't want to know.
I work here Harriet.
You can call me Harry.
Harry?
Yeah.
Its nice.
Thanks.
I was going to say there aren't a lot of things that are going to seem strange to me.
Okay.
I read a piece in US news and world report about the next presidential elections, Gore versus Bush, strongly influenced by what people are calling values voters.
Yeah?
The Christian rite of angelicals, honey crusted nut-bars.
Yeah.
And this is because of a survey showing that people feel that America has lost its moral compass under Clinton.
And?
We've got to start mocking these people.
Yeah.
And not just because they're a walking vending machine of punchlines, because they're dangerous.
Yes.
This is the thought that was running through my head when I read yet another survey that said, I'm not making this up, 68% of Amercians Believe in angels.
Yeah.
Okay, so here's the pitch.
You, as a crazy christian radio host who believes in the literal truth of the bible.
You answer callers questions and give advice on revelations.
Your long suffering staff has to keep coming up with excuses as to why you can't book an actual Angel as a guest to shield you from your own- Mathew?
You can call me Matt.
I'm one of them.
Of what?
The 68%.
I'm a honey crusted nut-bar.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Okay, umm...
Did I just offend you?
Are you freaking kidding me?
I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry, is this what you meant by the things you don't know about me?
Weren't you happier when- Look at this.
If I stand in the middle of the room, I can write on each wall.
Your not going to believe what I just did.
There really isn't room for more than one desk, your going to be on the floor.
Yeah, I just went down to Harriet's dressing room.
Harriet?
Hayes.
I have my eye on her.
I went down there to pitch her a sketch.
Yeah, I'm just saying I got my eye on her and I got seniority.
Listen to me please.
I went down there to pitch her a sketch about a christian radio host and it turns out she's a christian.
I'm a christian.
Yeah, but she's like, you know, a member.
Really?
What were the odds of that?
I'd say the last two places I'd expect to find a member of the Christian rite are the corridors of Studio 60 and the synagogue.
Did you offend her?
I couldn't have offended her more if I re-crucified her saviour, it was stunning.
What do you mean you have your eye on her?
She's cute as hell, and she's got some game.
I looked at her audition tape.
She sings too.
No, she acts too.
She's a singer, she went to school on a music scholarship.
A singing teacher.
Look what do you mean you have seniority?
I've been here a year longer.
That just means you get to use the desk and I have to sit on the floor.
The world's worst singing teacher could be a...
running character stand for years.
She'd be indebted to me for writing so well for her, it'd feel just like actual love.
Have you even spoken to her?
Your right.
I should say hello.
I wasn't saying you should...
do it now.
Hey.
Excuse me.
I just came back to get this last box.
Look Tim, this is ridiculous, we're friends.
Can we just talk about whats going on and- My girlfriends been in Toronto making a movie.
She started up with another guy in the cast.
I'm not funny when I'm feeling like this and thats how I pay my rent.
Who was I hurting?
That all makes sense to me, I'm sure if you told Wes- No.
I lost my job.
Just came by to get the box.
We got bigger problems than not funny, we got not produceable right?
He always wore something.
Who?
Uh, Tim.
He always wore like for a year, he always wore...
I can't even remember it.
Where are we?
You owe me 6 minutes and change.
Not funny, lets stay away.
Dance party is not thirty seconds long, thats an incorrect timing.
[???] Is she kidding?
What?
The song, she's been playing all week.
The lyrics...
Jane found her.
Jordan Mcdeere for Danny.
Yeah?
She's singing and there are no camera's aimed at her chest Danny.
Where are you?
-Turn around and look outside your office.
Be right there.
Excuse me Go get her Dada!
You know the other day when I told you to shut up, I meant keep shutting up until I told you you didn't have to anymore.
Okay, yeah.
Yo!
Shup up?
Metric Conversion!
Big sketch, big sketch!
Keep it in!
Funny as hell huh?!
You guys are embarrasing yourselves.
Like we don't know that.
Big sketch!
What are you doing here?
There's a problem with my office.
Your office?
If its not the phone, its the electricity or the ceiling I know!
What happened?
Well I bought some pillows for the office in an auction and the pillows were fabulous to none the less have fleas.
The pillows had fleas?
They jumped to the couch.
Maintainence is fogging my office they won't let me back in till Monday, can I work here?
Yeah, but I'm going to kiss you first.
No!
Uh, you can't right here I've checked it out there are public sight lines this way, this way, that way, that way, this way.
There is a dead space under your desk but there isn't room enough for the both of us so just cool off.
Its almost like you're saint valentine himself.
All right, dummy up!
Are you for real?
Hey Hallie.
Do you know Danny Tripp?
I don't, Hallie Gallaway.
Its a pleasure.
How are you doing?
You got a good show tonight?
Right now I've got to launch here tonight so I'm going to head back.
Okay so on monday we'll continue talking about the marketing...
The what?
Marketing ideas we were just talking about.
Sorry to hop on this but he got fired cause Wes caught him taking pills.
I don't remember anything about that.
For a whole year he wore a blue oxford shirt with tanned khakis.
Thats what everybody wears.
Tim Batale.
Yeah I don't remember him but if you want to move singing teacher up to the first half hour I need you to bump something down for me.
Yeah.
I'm thinking...
Come on in.
Hi.
Its me again.
Do you ever go home?
Do you?
No.
This room's bigger than my apartment.
You want some coffee?
So the angels?
Man.
No I just want to know, your talking about, you don't just meet nice people your talking about halos and wings?
I don't know what angels look like Mathew.
I've never seen one.
About how many are there?
About a hundred million.
How do you know?
Revelations says so.
Yeah, actually your talking about Revelations 5:11 which says the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand.
Ten thousand times ten thousand is a hundred million.
I know, I wonder why they didn't just say so.
Ten thousand times ten thousand is more poetic.
It is, maybe they just didn't know what a hundred million was.
There was no need for a number that high.
What can I do for you?
I had another idea for a sketch.
Luke pitched something that sounded pretty funny.
Luke's really good.
A singing teacher who's star pupils were the guys who recorded pac-man fever in 1982.
You could be funny with that.
What were you thinking?
A different teacher.
Brandy Chastaine as a social studies teacher.
Who's Brandy Chastain?
She just kicked the winning goal for the womans world cup team.
That wasn't Nina Ham?
Brandy Chastain.
She ripped her shirt off and twirled it around and that's what she could do everytime her students got an answer right.
Well its funny the first time but what do we do after that?
Nothing.
It wouldn't make it on the air, its one joke I'm sorry.
I read your two one-act plays.
You like language, why are you trying to impress me with physical comedy?
What makes you think I'm trying to impress you?
Why did you read Revelations?
Why did you read my plays?
You hungry, you want to get something to eat?
I'm working with Luke.
That's good.
Luke's good.
He's a good screen writer too, he'll make features pretty soon.
That's okay, I'm going to work too.
I'll come up with something for you, there isn't one ounce of quit in me.
Okay.
He built that one to last.
Singing teacher?
Yeah.
Luke wrote singing teacher?
Yeah, until he left.
You know what?
Anything of mine.
What?
Bump anything of mine for the first half hour.
Bump anything of mine to make room for singing teacher.
45 minutes to live air.
I need some advice.
I'm your man.
Yeah you are.
Hurry up, what do you need?
Your not romantic?
I'm trying to finish the show.
A purchasing dropped out of the reckoning.
I don't care.
You care a lot, you know why?
Because if you care, I care?
There you go.
Reggie Dabson was shot by a gang member named Dusty D.
Reggie Dabson was paralyzed from the waist down.
But none-the-less is about to complete his fourth year of medical school.
Coming this tuesday, Dusty D was set to apologize to Reggie and Reggie was going to forgive him.
How long to hit with [???] Reggie's grandmother who's raised him has convinced him that he's being exploited.
Well he is.
I know that, I'm the one who's exploiting him.
Thing is, unless I can convince the grandmother to change her mind, the alternate Hallie has lined up is a porn star who was molested by her swimming coach when she was 14.
Now we're talking.
[???] says I need to go with the paralyzed med student.
Yeah.
So if you're me, what do you say to the grandmother when you get her on the phone?
Uh, I don't know but can I be there when you try and convince an old lady that you like the show your making?
No.
Or I don't know.
Danny.
Tell her that he...you know, deserves to be celebrated.
That he's and inspiration He deserves to be celebrated, you think that will be attraction?
No, either she wants more money or she's made up her mind, nothing in between.
got to get back in there.
Okay.
You hear this voice?
This voice is authoritative and confident.
This voice is always right.
Done?
Yes.
Danny, can we make our case for not cutting Metric Conversion?
Yeah.
Point number one...
Welcome back.
Where are we?
Four twenty fat.
What do you say?
I don't know, what do you think?
Celebrity poker?
It worked.
Did it?
You don't think so?
I don't know, can't remember now.
It worked I- I'm sorry, I'll...
be right back, I'm going to go ask Diana Valdes something.
Joe says one hour.
Anyone who wants their sketch in the pack, he needs it in an hour.
Can you take a look at this?
No!
Danny would you mind taking a look at this?
I'm sleeping man, get away from me.
Anybody here not working or asleep?
I'm not doing either one.
How you doing?
I've been sitting in the lobby for 6 hours.
Why?
A pretty stunning lack of courtsey.
Are you Simon Styles?
Yeah.
I saw you at Yale Wrap in [???] Do you work here?
Yeah, I'm Matt Albie, I'm a staff writer.
Can you tell me why I had a 2 o'clock audition for Wes and I'm still sitting here at 8 o'clock?
Wes likes to screw with people he likes to see how they deal with chaos.
How long would I be sitting here if I was somebody he didn't like?
Hey, would you mind doing me a favour, would you take a look at this?
Oh buddy, I've got the most important audition of my life in 6 hours ago.
All right.
Okay, let me see it.
Its called being Neve Campbell.
Its a parody.
See Neve's in the middle of one of her oh god Bailey's drinking again scenes with Jennifer Love Hewitt when people start jumping into her head and making her do strange things- I'm reading it, you don't have to tell me about it.
Sure.
Its a gread play huh?
Hmm?
[???] No.
You don't like it?
No.
Well I guess if you don't like [???] there's not much chance- Who's Harriet Hayes?
You wrote the cast in the corner.
She was just hired here.
Are you in love with her or just stupid?
What do you mean?
You writing for a new cast member there's not much chance its going to get on the air now I've never heard of you so you need to get on the air so which one is it?
I'm stupid.
You write like your on a first date.
Look at all the words I know.
Can I have my pad back please?
Wes is ready for you now.
Good luck.
I'm going to do another pass.
Good!
Come on in!
Hi.
I can come back if you- No, its okay.
Have I thanked you enough for the break?
Oh no, your doing us a favour filling in at the last minute.
You know, incredibly this is the second time we had to fill in for the White Stripes.
Really?
Yeah, first time around Jack White had laryngitis.
Well I think its really cool that you guys used an unknown tonight.
Yeah I was listening to you sing on stage during the break.
Oh that was just a sound check.
I was noticing that you write a lot of lyrics about...
Being really sad?
Yeah.
I have a lot of inspiration.
Well thats what I wanted to ask you about, you're able to work when you feel like that?
No, but I'm able to drink when I feel like that, then I'm able to work.
Oh, have a great show.
Matt?
Yeah?
You should carry around a little bottle of this.
Why?
Your pupils are dialated.
Put a couple of drops in.
Oh, I was just in the control room.
You're high right now.
I was scheduled to narcotics.
They really affect your dreams.
There'll be things I thought really happened and then two days later I'll realise I dreamt it.
Like I'll be certain I had a conversation with my bass player and he'll be like what are you talking about?
Yeah?
Turns out I only dreamt it.
And I had to sworn all up and down the court of law Matt.
Well I've been feeling a little down lately and I got a show to get done.
Take these.
You'll like them.
I'm all set.
Take these.
What are they?
You know what they are.
Have one with a glass of wine.
I'm fine.
Take them.
Thanks.
You're great, I'm glad Jane fonda, found you.
Have a great show.
I really like it Mathew.
But you don't like it better than the singing teacher right?
Do I have to like one more than the other?
Yes.
We can put both in the stack.
Can we?
Sure.
All right.
This is it, last call for the stack.
Here you go.
These are both for her?
Yeah.
Yup.
She's been here three days.
Its not likely either of them will get on the air but you know for certain both of them aren't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And here's a chance Mrs.
Dobson for Reggie to forgive the man and put the past to rest.
Mrs.
Dobson?
Uh huh.
Well like I said ma'am, I can understand you're being weary.
But you know Reggie is an inspiration.
Yes, he is.
If he does this show, millions of people will hear a story.
You figure he'll stop being inspirational unless he goes on tv?
Of course not.
Of course not, but...
Don't you think the more people- Miss Mcdeere, please forgive me for interrupting you but you know I wasn't born yesterday.
And you know you ain't putting Reggie on your tv show to inspire folks.
You're putting him on to dance for them.
Well, he's on a wheel chair.
He don't dance.
Yeah.
Mrs.
Dobson, I came late to this So can I ask how did you make this decision?
I know he got a signed contract with you but I got my board- Ma'am, nobody is going to sue Reggie, it's just not going to happen.
I'm curious how you came to the decision.
I sat in church and I made my decision.
You attend church everyday?
Just sundays.
Mrs.
Dobson, this is Hallie Gallaway again Its a competitive world out there.
This show will make Reggie a star, he'll stand out.
Child what in hell are you- He got shot in the spine on his fourteenth birthday and he gonna be a cardiologist.
Just what kind of star stand out do you want him to be?
Mrs.
Dobson, its Hallie again if its a matter of money- Its not a matter of money.
Mrs.
Dobson, we're very sorry to take your time.
And we hope you have a good day.
Well all right then.
Go with the porn star and the swim coach.
Its a blessing in disguise.
Its so much more promotable than a guy in a wheelchair- I know that, so do you.
That's why you waited a week to tell me.
I didn't wait- She made the decision after church.
She only goes to church on Sundays.
Your flying pretty close to the fire Hallie.
It's got to be soon right?
Yeah.
I'm feeling the good vibe.
Yeah.
I'll tell you this, if it doesn't make it to air, it sure wasn't your fault.
It sure wasn't your fault.
You owned it.
You owned it.
You got a receipt for it my man.
You're Tom Jeter okay.
No more need to be said.
You could've picked up the pace a little.
Yeah.
Maybe a little less mugging from you.
No.
No.This is what they want, to turn us against each other.
You never mug man.
Your pacing is genius.
Here comes Andy.
He'll make us feel better.
Andy!
You graceless homicidal bastards.
I think if you go check the stage you'll find jokes lying on the floor where you left them to die.
It was his pacing.
Should someone have indicated to you on a map where Canada is?
Because your canadian accent- Too much?
Was mexican.
This is the longest they've ever taken to decide.
In the old days if your sketch didn't make it on the air they used to send you downstairs naked.
To sell lemon drinks, shrouded over in your failure you'd have to explain to the patrons why you weren't good enough.
There used to be a naked lemon drink sales?
Yeah.
That's right.
Just a couple of more minutes.
Just telling them about the old days Matt.
Slaughter.
Yeah?
You know, when men were men and boys were scared.
Not a place for joke blowers.
Look.
Not a place for the mug prone or for the slow pace.
You'd wait outside of Wes' office for the moment when Joe would stick his head out of the door and say Its done!
Hey.
Hey...
Board's coming out now.
Hey what was your point with the hundred million angels?
Ten thousand times ten thousand?
Yeah.
It just seems to me that you're putting an awful lot of faith in the testimony of people that couldn't count very high.
I mean you say you've never seen one.
If I could see them, it wouldn't be faith.
Yeah.
Hey...
Lets start over cause this has all just been- All right!
Yeah!
All right!
Man!
Yes!
Yes!
Luke!
Singing teacher!
Maybe next time.
We'll go this way.
Okay.
I want to start working on it.
Okay.
Going to be another one of those nights for you Matt.
Tim?
I tried writing my way back in.
You speak to Wes?
No, I wrote a sketch.
Got Joe to put it in the pack for me.
I thought if it made it on the air then...
It didn't.
Didn't even make it to dress.
I just came around cause...
I don't know...cause.
Hey you know, you and I don't know each other well.
What?
You know, I can't remember how we met.
Its done.
Good show.
Can I bring the P.A's in?
Give us, just a minute would you?
All right...here we go.
Big show!
Big show!
Harriet and I had a fight, its not a big deal.
When?
Guy are waiting for the board.
What happened?
Well, I guess you'd have to say that we broke up.
That's what you and Harriet do.
Yeah.
How is this different?
It wasn't, I guess.
So you're fine?
I am.
When did this happen?
Last thursday night.
Where was I?
You were locked on the roof with Jordan and don't get me wrong, I love that you guys are together but I really could've used your help on that Neve Campbell sketch.
What Neve Campbell sketch?
Dolphin girl.
I meant Dolphin girl, I got mixed up for a second.
But how is it different?
God Danny, I don't know.
Let me tell you why...Metric Conversion- How is this time- She's with Luke now, she said so.
Well you can change that any time you want.
Five words.
I can't live without you.
No.
We broke up.
Just try it.
I actually can't do that.
Why not?
Because, I can't put myself in a position to feel worse than I do right now.
Trust me, everything is fine.
I'm going to give some notes.
You're in.
What?
Work on that accent.
Yes!!
Yeah!!
Wow!
Come on in.
Hey!
Hey Luke, how's it going?
Good.
Stopped by to show Harriet some make-up tests.
Next week's her first day of shooting.
You staying for the show?
Can't.
We're doing singing teacher.
I stopped being mine long time ago.
You ride along though.
See you later See you.
You have something for me?
Yeah, I though I...
had a note for you.
Do you?
No I do i just...
I thought i forgot it.
Okay.
Andy.
Its going to be all right tonight.
I'm going out of my mind, nobody remembers Tim Bataley.
Who?
Tim Bataley.
Andy, Tim.
For a year he wore a Blue oxford shirt and khakis.
Wes fired him because he knew he was taking pills.
I don't remember anyone getting fired for that.
This is unbelieveable, 1998 to 1999.
Show me his picture.
He was...
Do you see him?
No.
Oh!
What?
I was talking to Diane Valdes before and she said sometimes you mix up sometimes.
What are you staring at?
Me.
I'm wearing a Blue oxford shirt and Khakis.
Good show everyone, eat 'em up.
----- http://studiosixty.wordpress.com -----
You want to hear a reality pitch?
It's about healing.
We show people making apologies in their lives.
I've got goosebumps.
You hate it.
How the hell did that get in there?
Jordan?!
Look behind you.
And I start thinking about sleeping with him.
And then I stop.
I feel like I'm cheating on- Stop.
I didn't hear anything after, you think about sleeping with him?
Go camera C...hover around, hover around.
Just about please.
Lets make that nice dissolve, there should be a push-in on the chorus.
Somebody mark that on [???] 2 and 3.
Sound.
You got it.
[???] And ready 1.
Go 1.
Yeah?
Hi, this is Jordan Mcdeere I'm the president of NBS west coast entertainment.
Yes maam.
I'm concerned that not enough of your camera's are aimed at her chest.
Well I got all four of them working, but this is just dress.
If you want, I could bring in some IMAX equipment for tonight.
This is what you like huh?
Me?
Uh...no, I'll tell you why.
She's too sexy.
My hormones are like [???] experiment right now.
What does that mean?
Get the camera's off her chest!
Okay, see ya.
Dress is going pretty well.
Matt?
Dress is going pretty well.
Yeah.
This office isn't a bad vertical leap from your first one.
What do you mean?
Are you all right?
You know I...
don't really like anything, or anyone.
But if you ever want to talk about anything I'm just saying, you know...
this is a nice step up from your first office here.
Remember how you could hold out your arms with a pencil in each hand and write on both walls at the same time?
That wasn't my first office, that was my second office.
My first office was on the floor outside the writers room.
I sat there with newspapers and a legal pad.
Tim!
Yeah?
What's going on?
I just got fired.
Wes fired me.
What are you talking about?
Wes fired me.
You get my office, Matt you're going to share it with Luke.
Wait..what..
Wait what are you talking about?
He caught me taking pills.
When?
Now...this morning.
I was just, I mean its the first What does it matter man, he went ballistic.
Tim Its the first pitch meeting of the year, I'm here all night, let him be funny without sleeping.
He fired you?
I could have my job back if I go to rehab.
Go to rehab.
I'm not begging for my job.
Why not?!
Also, you know...maybe- What?
Maybe its a good idea.
Matt Albie...go to hell.
Come on Tim, wait a second.
You get my office.
Synch : Nuwanda Transcripts : Nuwanda I'm Harriet Hayes Its my turn to thank you for being a terrific rehersal audience.
Now we have to ask you to stay in your seats another two and a half minutes so our director Cal Shanley can practice coming back for the goodnights.
In the mean time, I can tell you a little bit about what happens now.
Danny Tripp is going to head out to Matt Albie's office and in the next hour, they're going to decide which sketches stay in the show.
Its called the Friday Night Slaughter.
People!
[???] Got about ten?
Guys!
Let's go, hey!
Everybody shut up!
Welcome to the first day of school everybody.
We've got presidential primaries coming up...
We got Heidi Flyce getting out of prison.
We've got Philip Morris admiting cigarettes kill you...
By the way, smoking is no longer allowed in the building.
And we got an American winning the Tour de France.
Wes will be coming in in a minute to give us his pep talk, but before he does- Excuse me?
You're late.
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
I'm Harriet Hayes.
That's right...
Everybody this is Harriet Hayes, she's joining us this year.
Don't be late again Harriet.
They didn't have my name- I don't care, don't be late.
Sure.
Our host is Jennifer Love Hewitt, our musical gues is N'sync.
Now we're going to go around- Albie?
Yeah, sorry.
If you pay attention I think you have an excellent chance of not getting a sketch on the air this year either.
Okay now we're going to go around the table, but first I have a few things I'd like to throw at you...
28 minutes long.
Yeah.
An embarrassment of riches.
Yeah.
It was good.
Here's three-twenty and here's four-ten and four-thirty...
Easy.
You want it back?
Let's just start with Juliette Lewis...
No, I'll fix that You got other things to fix.
Yeah I know.
We're a little Harriet-heavy tonight.
Did it feel like that?
Yeah, cause it is like that.
Lets cut Juliette Lewis.
We'll stick a pin in it 28 minutes heavy...
-Yeah, yup.
Whats going on?
Just the slaughter.
I think we got Harriet enough material for an HBO special.
The fisherman is working well.
Yeah, Tom's nailing it.
If we move it to the third sea-break, I'll need to reposition the flash for wake-up item.
We're still going to need a clear throughway for News 60.
We're going to be locked coming out of...
Hey do you know which room they gave to Harriet Hayes?
We're putting her in J, but they're still cleaning it out.
Thanks.
She's cute!
Go get her Matt!
Oh no, I was just...I'm going to talk to her about a thing.
Hi.
Hi!
Uh, I'm Matt Albie.
Harriet Hayes.
I'm sorry if I got you into trouble upstairs.
Oh, thats okay...
I'm just waiting to get into my room.
Danny Tripp is my best friend.
He says, he says you're great.
That's sweet, thanks.
Yeah.
Its really something to be here.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe I'd try writing something for you, and then we could pitch it.
You sure?
Yeah.
You don't think it would be a better idea if you wrote for some of the bigger guys?
Uh...well...
Isn't there more chance you'd get something on the air if you write for some of the bigger guys?
Yeah...
I didn't mean to- Its difficult to get sketches on the air in the beginning I've had plenty come close.
Again, I didn't mean to- He was making that a joke.
I know Lot of my stuff makes it to the dress but gets cut at the slaughter.
Maybe it wouldn't if you wrote for some of the bigger guys.
Or maybe you'd get on the air sooner if you had some of the bigger guys writing for you?
I'm new here.
I don't want to fight.
We're not.
It feels like we are Do you want me to try writing something for you?
Or do you want to stand here with your carton and wait for someone with a better resume to walk by?
It really feels like we're fighting.
Do you have any voices?
I'm sorry?
Do you have any voices?
Some...
Who?
Julia Roberts, Neve Campbell, I'm working on Juliette Lewis.
Can I hear Julia Roberts?
So Edward...now that you have me here what are you going to do with me?
Are you a planner?
Yeah, me too...
Actually actually no, I wouldn't say I was a planner...I'd say its more of a fly-by-the-sea...
You want to cut Julia Roberts?
I got Julia Roberts right.
You got it right a long time ago.
There is a theme in Harriet's sketches tonight.
Whats that?
All the characters debuted 7 years ago.
There's plenty of new stuff.
Good so lets cut the old stuff.
It works.
No one is saying it doesn't.
But we have to cut 28 minutes.
Can we just stick a pin in it?
All right, not for long.
Metric Conversion?
You guys know whatever happened to Tim Who?
Tim Batale Who's that?
The writer.
Never heard of him.
Tim Batale.
I don't remember him.
The writer, he worked here.
Tim Batale?
He had my first office, Wes fired him.
I don't remember him.
Metric Conversion...
Are you senile?
Me?
I hope so, cause if I've got further to fall...
Tim Batale!
Matty, we don't remember him!
Okay, we're on the air in 75 minutes.
Really?
Where's the clock in here?
It's too small I can't see it.
Metric Conversion...
They're standing outside.
Who?
Don't look...Tom and Dillon.
They're here to see if we're going to- Here wait, pretend you're talking to me.
Yeah!
Yeah, I agree...absolutely, that's interesting, yes.
Yes...
Yes, you see it could be in the show...
or not in the show.
In the show...
or not in the show.
They're doing that on purpose.
They are.
They Absolutely are.
I'm going in there to kick the holy crap out of them.
Take it easy...
You think this is funny?!
They're going to know we're watching.
If they're doing it on purpose, then they already know we're watching.
Its true...
Its a good sketch.
No, its a very good sketch.
Damn [???] I'll tell you what else...
Its a little sketch that could.
What do you mean?
That we've been trying to get it on for 6 weeks and we get it this far and it keeps getting cut but despite the rejection, we keep working on it.
It is a little sketch that could.
And if will!
It will!
Its good!
I'm telling you its good!
It is!
Not that many people laughed.
Not as many as you'd like in a situation like this.
Yeah I see you in there you Irish...
Give me some Irish word...
Glorified electrician?
Glorified- That sucks, what are you doing to me?
I know.
Well now we're the bitches.
Do it again.
This sketch could be cut.
Yes, interesting Or not cut.
Guys!
Cut!
Guys?!
Come on in!
Hi its me.
Hi.
I brought you this for your room.
Oh gosh look at you.
Ah, should have done it the first day.
Consider it a third day of work present.
Its a maidenhead fern.
Its great cause they like shade.
The only thing you can grow is very delicate ferns.
It was the delicate ferns that attract my attention.
I'm going to go get a little water for it.
I had an idea for you.
Mathew, you've never seen me perform how do you know what I'd be good at?
I watched your audition tape.
When?
After I saw you monday morning.
Then again after I came down here.
Tuesday a few times and this morning.
Really?
The again last night, I made a dub.
You know you can sing too.
I didn't sing on my audition tape.
I asked around.
I can act too, I'm trained as a singer.
I didn't know that.
Oh, things you don't know!
Like what?
You don't want to know.
I work here Harriet.
You can call me Harry.
Harry?
Yeah.
Its nice.
Thanks.
I was going to say there aren't a lot of things that are going to seem strange to me.
Okay.
I read a piece in US news and world report about the next presidential elections, Gore versus Bush, strongly influenced by what people are calling values voters.
Yeah?
The Christian rite of angelicals, honey crusted nut-bars.
Yeah.
And this is because of a survey showing that people feel that America has lost its moral compass under Clinton.
And?
We've got to start mocking these people.
Yeah.
And not just because they're a walking vending machine of punchlines, because they're dangerous.
Yes.
This is the thought that was running through my head when I read yet another survey that said, I'm not making this up, 68% of Amercians Believe in angels.
Yeah.
Okay, so here's the pitch.
You, as a crazy christian radio host who believes in the literal truth of the bible.
You answer callers questions and give advice on revelations.
Your long suffering staff has to keep coming up with excuses as to why you can't book an actual Angel as a guest to shield you from your own- Mathew?
You can call me Matt.
I'm one of them.
Of what?
The 68%.
I'm a honey crusted nut-bar.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Okay, umm...
Did I just offend you?
Are you freaking kidding me?
I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry, is this what you meant by the things you don't know about me?
Weren't you happier when- Look at this.
If I stand in the middle of the room, I can write on each wall.
Your not going to believe what I just did.
There really isn't room for more than one desk, your going to be on the floor.
Yeah, I just went down to Harriet's dressing room.
Harriet?
Hayes.
I have my eye on her.
I went down there to pitch her a sketch.
Yeah, I'm just saying I got my eye on her and I got seniority.
Listen to me please.
I went down there to pitch her a sketch about a christian radio host and it turns out she's a christian.
I'm a christian.
Yeah, but she's like, you know, a member.
Really?
What were the odds of that?
I'd say the last two places I'd expect to find a member of the Christian rite are the corridors of Studio 60 and the synagogue.
Did you offend her?
I couldn't have offended her more if I re-crucified her saviour, it was stunning.
What do you mean you have your eye on her?
She's cute as hell, and she's got some game.
I looked at her audition tape.
She sings too.
No, she acts too.
She's a singer, she went to school on a music scholarship.
A singing teacher.
Look what do you mean you have seniority?
I've been here a year longer.
That just means you get to use the desk and I have to sit on the floor.
The world's worst singing teacher could be a...
running character stand for years.
She'd be indebted to me for writing so well for her, it'd feel just like actual love.
Have you even spoken to her?
Your right.
I should say hello.
I wasn't saying you should...
do it now.
Hey.
Excuse me.
I just came back to get this last box.
Look Tim, this is ridiculous, we're friends.
Can we just talk about whats going on and- My girlfriends been in Toronto making a movie.
She started up with another guy in the cast.
I'm not funny when I'm feeling like this and thats how I pay my rent.
Who was I hurting?
That all makes sense to me, I'm sure if you told Wes- No.
I lost my job.
Just came by to get the box.
We got bigger problems than not funny, we got not produceable right?
He always wore something.
Who?
Uh, Tim.
He always wore like for a year, he always wore...
I can't even remember it.
Where are we?
You owe me 6 minutes and change.
Not funny, lets stay away.
Dance party is not thirty seconds long, thats an incorrect timing.
[???] Is she kidding?
What?
The song, she's been playing all week.
The lyrics...
Jane found her.
Jordan Mcdeere for Danny.
Yeah?
She's singing and there are no camera's aimed at her chest Danny.
Where are you?
-Turn around and look outside your office.
Be right there.
Excuse me Go get her Dada!
You know the other day when I told you to shut up, I meant keep shutting up until I told you you didn't have to anymore.
Okay, yeah.
Yo!
Shup up?
Metric Conversion!
Big sketch, big sketch!
Keep it in!
Funny as hell huh?!
You guys are embarrasing yourselves.
Like we don't know that.
Big sketch!
What are you doing here?
There's a problem with my office.
Your office?
If its not the phone, its the electricity or the ceiling I know!
What happened?
Well I bought some pillows for the office in an auction and the pillows were fabulous to none the less have fleas.
The pillows had fleas?
They jumped to the couch.
Maintainence is fogging my office they won't let me back in till Monday, can I work here?
Yeah, but I'm going to kiss you first.
No!
Uh, you can't right here I've checked it out there are public sight lines this way, this way, that way, that way, this way.
There is a dead space under your desk but there isn't room enough for the both of us so just cool off.
Its almost like you're saint valentine himself.
All right, dummy up!
Are you for real?
Hey Hallie.
Do you know Danny Tripp?
I don't, Hallie Gallaway.
Its a pleasure.
How are you doing?
You got a good show tonight?
Right now I've got to launch here tonight so I'm going to head back.
Okay so on monday we'll continue talking about the marketing...
The what?
Marketing ideas we were just talking about.
Sorry to hop on this but he got fired cause Wes caught him taking pills.
I don't remember anything about that.
For a whole year he wore a blue oxford shirt with tanned khakis.
Thats what everybody wears.
Tim Batale.
Yeah I don't remember him but if you want to move singing teacher up to the first half hour I need you to bump something down for me.
Yeah.
I'm thinking...
Come on in.
Hi.
Its me again.
Do you ever go home?
Do you?
No.
This room's bigger than my apartment.
You want some coffee?
So the angels?
Man.
No I just want to know, your talking about, you don't just meet nice people your talking about halos and wings?
I don't know what angels look like Mathew.
I've never seen one.
About how many are there?
About a hundred million.
How do you know?
Revelations says so.
Yeah, actually your talking about Revelations 5:11 which says the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand.
Ten thousand times ten thousand is a hundred million.
I know, I wonder why they didn't just say so.
Ten thousand times ten thousand is more poetic.
It is, maybe they just didn't know what a hundred million was.
There was no need for a number that high.
What can I do for you?
I had another idea for a sketch.
Luke pitched something that sounded pretty funny.
Luke's really good.
A singing teacher who's star pupils were the guys who recorded pac-man fever in 1982.
You could be funny with that.
What were you thinking?
A different teacher.
Brandy Chastaine as a social studies teacher.
Who's Brandy Chastain?
She just kicked the winning goal for the womans world cup team.
That wasn't Nina Ham?
Brandy Chastain.
She ripped her shirt off and twirled it around and that's what she could do everytime her students got an answer right.
Well its funny the first time but what do we do after that?
Nothing.
It wouldn't make it on the air, its one joke I'm sorry.
I read your two one-act plays.
You like language, why are you trying to impress me with physical comedy?
What makes you think I'm trying to impress you?
Why did you read Revelations?
Why did you read my plays?
You hungry, you want to get something to eat?
I'm working with Luke.
That's good.
Luke's good.
He's a good screen writer too, he'll make features pretty soon.
That's okay, I'm going to work too.
I'll come up with something for you, there isn't one ounce of quit in me.
Okay.
He built that one to last.
Singing teacher?
Yeah.
Luke wrote singing teacher?
Yeah, until he left.
You know what?
Anything of mine.
What?
Bump anything of mine for the first half hour.
Bump anything of mine to make room for singing teacher.
45 minutes to live air.
I need some advice.
I'm your man.
Yeah you are.
Hurry up, what do you need?
Your not romantic?
I'm trying to finish the show.
A purchasing dropped out of the reckoning.
I don't care.
You care a lot, you know why?
Because if you care, I care?
There you go.
Reggie Dabson was shot by a gang member named Dusty D.
Reggie Dabson was paralyzed from the waist down.
But none-the-less is about to complete his fourth year of medical school.
Coming this tuesday, Dusty D was set to apologize to Reggie and Reggie was going to forgive him.
How long to hit with [???] Reggie's grandmother who's raised him has convinced him that he's being exploited.
Well he is.
I know that, I'm the one who's exploiting him.
Thing is, unless I can convince the grandmother to change her mind, the alternate Hallie has lined up is a porn star who was molested by her swimming coach when she was 14.
Now we're talking.
[???] says I need to go with the paralyzed med student.
Yeah.
So if you're me, what do you say to the grandmother when you get her on the phone?
Uh, I don't know but can I be there when you try and convince an old lady that you like the show your making?
No.
Or I don't know.
Danny.
Tell her that he...you know, deserves to be celebrated.
That he's and inspiration He deserves to be celebrated, you think that will be attraction?
No, either she wants more money or she's made up her mind, nothing in between.
got to get back in there.
Okay.
You hear this voice?
This voice is authoritative and confident.
This voice is always right.
Done?
Yes.
Danny, can we make our case for not cutting Metric Conversion?
Yeah.
Point number one...
Welcome back.
Where are we?
Four twenty fat.
What do you say?
I don't know, what do you think?
Celebrity poker?
It worked.
Did it?
You don't think so?
I don't know, can't remember now.
It worked I- I'm sorry, I'll...
be right back, I'm going to go ask Diana Valdes something.
Joe says one hour.
Anyone who wants their sketch in the pack, he needs it in an hour.
Can you take a look at this?
No!
Danny would you mind taking a look at this?
I'm sleeping man, get away from me.
Anybody here not working or asleep?
I'm not doing either one.
How you doing?
I've been sitting in the lobby for 6 hours.
Why?
A pretty stunning lack of courtsey.
Are you Simon Styles?
Yeah.
I saw you at Yale Wrap in [???] Do you work here?
Yeah, I'm Matt Albie, I'm a staff writer.
Can you tell me why I had a 2 o'clock audition for Wes and I'm still sitting here at 8 o'clock?
Wes likes to screw with people he likes to see how they deal with chaos.
How long would I be sitting here if I was somebody he didn't like?
Hey, would you mind doing me a favour, would you take a look at this?
Oh buddy, I've got the most important audition of my life in 6 hours ago.
All right.
Okay, let me see it.
Its called being Neve Campbell.
Its a parody.
See Neve's in the middle of one of her oh god Bailey's drinking again scenes with Jennifer Love Hewitt when people start jumping into her head and making her do strange things- I'm reading it, you don't have to tell me about it.
Sure.
Its a gread play huh?
Hmm?
[???] No.
You don't like it?
No.
Well I guess if you don't like [???] there's not much chance- Who's Harriet Hayes?
You wrote the cast in the corner.
She was just hired here.
Are you in love with her or just stupid?
What do you mean?
You writing for a new cast member there's not much chance its going to get on the air now I've never heard of you so you need to get on the air so which one is it?
I'm stupid.
You write like your on a first date.
Look at all the words I know.
Can I have my pad back please?
Wes is ready for you now.
Good luck.
I'm going to do another pass.
Good!
Come on in!
Hi.
I can come back if you- No, its okay.
Have I thanked you enough for the break?
Oh no, your doing us a favour filling in at the last minute.
You know, incredibly this is the second time we had to fill in for the White Stripes.
Really?
Yeah, first time around Jack White had laryngitis.
Well I think its really cool that you guys used an unknown tonight.
Yeah I was listening to you sing on stage during the break.
Oh that was just a sound check.
I was noticing that you write a lot of lyrics about...
Being really sad?
Yeah.
I have a lot of inspiration.
Well thats what I wanted to ask you about, you're able to work when you feel like that?
No, but I'm able to drink when I feel like that, then I'm able to work.
Oh, have a great show.
Matt?
Yeah?
You should carry around a little bottle of this.
Why?
Your pupils are dialated.
Put a couple of drops in.
Oh, I was just in the control room.
You're high right now.
I was scheduled to narcotics.
They really affect your dreams.
There'll be things I thought really happened and then two days later I'll realise I dreamt it.
Like I'll be certain I had a conversation with my bass player and he'll be like what are you talking about?
Yeah?
Turns out I only dreamt it.
And I had to sworn all up and down the court of law Matt.
Well I've been feeling a little down lately and I got a show to get done.
Take these.
You'll like them.
I'm all set.
Take these.
What are they?
You know what they are.
Have one with a glass of wine.
I'm fine.
Take them.
Thanks.
You're great, I'm glad Jane fonda, found you.
Have a great show.
I really like it Mathew.
But you don't like it better than the singing teacher right?
Do I have to like one more than the other?
Yes.
We can put both in the stack.
Can we?
Sure.
All right.
This is it, last call for the stack.
Here you go.
These are both for her?
Yeah.
Yup.
She's been here three days.
Its not likely either of them will get on the air but you know for certain both of them aren't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And here's a chance Mrs.
Dobson for Reggie to forgive the man and put the past to rest.
Mrs.
Dobson?
Uh huh.
Well like I said ma'am, I can understand you're being weary.
But you know Reggie is an inspiration.
Yes, he is.
If he does this show, millions of people will hear a story.
You figure he'll stop being inspirational unless he goes on tv?
Of course not.
Of course not, but...
Don't you think the more people- Miss Mcdeere, please forgive me for interrupting you but you know I wasn't born yesterday.
And you know you ain't putting Reggie on your tv show to inspire folks.
You're putting him on to dance for them.
Well, he's on a wheel chair.
He don't dance.
Yeah.
Mrs.
Dobson, I came late to this So can I ask how did you make this decision?
I know he got a signed contract with you but I got my board- Ma'am, nobody is going to sue Reggie, it's just not going to happen.
I'm curious how you came to the decision.
I sat in church and I made my decision.
You attend church everyday?
Just sundays.
Mrs.
Dobson, this is Hallie Gallaway again Its a competitive world out there.
This show will make Reggie a star, he'll stand out.
Child what in hell are you- He got shot in the spine on his fourteenth birthday and he gonna be a cardiologist.
Just what kind of star stand out do you want him to be?
Mrs.
Dobson, its Hallie again if its a matter of money- Its not a matter of money.
Mrs.
Dobson, we're very sorry to take your time.
And we hope you have a good day.
Well all right then.
Go with the porn star and the swim coach.
Its a blessing in disguise.
Its so much more promotable than a guy in a wheelchair- I know that, so do you.
That's why you waited a week to tell me.
I didn't wait- She made the decision after church.
She only goes to church on Sundays.
Your flying pretty close to the fire Hallie.
It's got to be soon right?
Yeah.
I'm feeling the good vibe.
Yeah.
I'll tell you this, if it doesn't make it to air, it sure wasn't your fault.
It sure wasn't your fault.
You owned it.
You owned it.
You got a receipt for it my man.
You're Tom Jeter okay.
No more need to be said.
You could've picked up the pace a little.
Yeah.
Maybe a little less mugging from you.
No.
No.This is what they want, to turn us against each other.
You never mug man.
Your pacing is genius.
Here comes Andy.
He'll make us feel better.
Andy!
You graceless homicidal bastards.
I think if you go check the stage you'll find jokes lying on the floor where you left them to die.
It was his pacing.
Should someone have indicated to you on a map where Canada is?
Because your canadian accent- Too much?
Was mexican.
This is the longest they've ever taken to decide.
In the old days if your sketch didn't make it on the air they used to send you downstairs naked.
To sell lemon drinks, shrouded over in your failure you'd have to explain to the patrons why you weren't good enough.
There used to be a naked lemon drink sales?
Yeah.
That's right.
Just a couple of more minutes.
Just telling them about the old days Matt.
Slaughter.
Yeah?
You know, when men were men and boys were scared.
Not a place for joke blowers.
Look.
Not a place for the mug prone or for the slow pace.
You'd wait outside of Wes' office for the moment when Joe would stick his head out of the door and say Its done!
Hey.
Hey...
Board's coming out now.
Hey what was your point with the hundred million angels?
Ten thousand times ten thousand?
Yeah.
It just seems to me that you're putting an awful lot of faith in the testimony of people that couldn't count very high.
I mean you say you've never seen one.
If I could see them, it wouldn't be faith.
Yeah.
Hey...
Lets start over cause this has all just been- All right!
Yeah!
All right!
Man!
Yes!
Yes!
Luke!
Singing teacher!
Maybe next time.
We'll go this way.
Okay.
I want to start working on it.
Okay.
Going to be another one of those nights for you Matt.
Tim?
I tried writing my way back in.
You speak to Wes?
No, I wrote a sketch.
Got Joe to put it in the pack for me.
I thought if it made it on the air then...
It didn't.
Didn't even make it to dress.
I just came around cause...
I don't know...cause.
Hey you know, you and I don't know each other well.
What?
You know, I can't remember how we met.
Its done.
Good show.
Can I bring the P.A's in?
Give us, just a minute would you?
All right...here we go.
Big show!
Big show!
Harriet and I had a fight, its not a big deal.
When?
Guy are waiting for the board.
What happened?
Well, I guess you'd have to say that we broke up.
That's what you and Harriet do.
Yeah.
How is this different?
It wasn't, I guess.
So you're fine?
I am.
When did this happen?
Last thursday night.
Where was I?
You were locked on the roof with Jordan and don't get me wrong, I love that you guys are together but I really could've used your help on that Neve Campbell sketch.
What Neve Campbell sketch?
Dolphin girl.
I meant Dolphin girl, I got mixed up for a second.
But how is it different?
God Danny, I don't know.
Let me tell you why...Metric Conversion- How is this time- She's with Luke now, she said so.
Well you can change that any time you want.
Five words.
I can't live without you.
No.
We broke up.
Just try it.
I actually can't do that.
Why not?
Because, I can't put myself in a position to feel worse than I do right now.
Trust me, everything is fine.
I'm going to give some notes.
You're in.
What?
Work on that accent.
Yes!!
Yeah!!
Wow!
Come on in.
Hey!
Hey Luke, how's it going?
Good.
Stopped by to show Harriet some make-up tests.
Next week's her first day of shooting.
You staying for the show?
Can't.
We're doing singing teacher.
I stopped being mine long time ago.
You ride along though.
See you later See you.
You have something for me?
Yeah, I though I...
had a note for you.
Do you?
No I do i just...
I thought i forgot it.
Okay.
Andy.
Its going to be all right tonight.
I'm going out of my mind, nobody remembers Tim Bataley.
Who?
Tim Bataley.
Andy, Tim.
For a year he wore a Blue oxford shirt and khakis.
Wes fired him because he knew he was taking pills.
I don't remember anyone getting fired for that.
This is unbelieveable, 1998 to 1999.
Show me his picture.
He was...
Do you see him?
No.
Oh!
What?
I was talking to Diane Valdes before and she said sometimes you mix up sometimes.
What are you staring at?
Me.
I'm wearing a Blue oxford shirt and Khakis.
Good show everyone, eat 'em up.
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