Programa de TV: The Simpsons - 1x8
{2758}{2814}I pulled a few boners.
{2818}{2880}But I think you'll find|that people are pretty decent...
{2884}{2970}- if you give them half--|- Look!
There it is-- {2970}{3039}- The head!|- Kill him!
{3612}{3702}They got us cornered, boy.|We'll never get away.
Give me the head.
{3706}{3778}No, Dad.
This whole thing|was my fault.
{3778}{3855}- You run along.|- Son, we're in this mess together.
{3859}{3930}No matter how|tempting it might be, {3930}{4027}I can't let my only boy get ripped|limb from limb by a bloodthirsty mob.
{4029}{4123}- Aw, Dad.|- We'll die together,|like a father and son should.
{4125}{4183}Look.|Now we'vegot 'em.
{4186}{4267}- Hey, that's Homer Simpson.|- And his kid, Bart.
{4269}{4327}- Let's kill them!|-Bring 'em out!
{4329}{4408}- off the kid, man.
Off him!|- Kill Bart!
{4411}{4473}- Kill Homer!|- Let's kill this guy!
{4477}{4602}Murderous mob,|I beg you to spare our lives.
{4606}{4677}At least until you've heard|the story of how we ended up...
{4681}{4750}with the head|ofour beloved town founder.
{4752}{4827}How long will|this story take?
{4827}{4926}Uh, about 23 minutes|and 5 seconds.
{4930}{4995}- It's too long!|- 23:05?
{4999}{5065}Well, all right.|Go ahead.
{5068}{5155}Okay.
It all started|Sunday morning.
{5158}{5175}Kids!|We're late for church.
{5175}{5265}Kids!|We're late for church.
{5269}{5334}Get your butts|down here right now!
{5467}{5598}- Ready for inspection, Mom.|- Very nice, Maggie.
{5602}{5686}And, Lisa,|you look lovely.
{5686}{5746}Bart,|assume the position.
{5899}{5956}- Ohh!|- Bart.
{5959}{6006}Now where's your father?
{6010}{6066}- Phillips has broken free.|- Get 'em.
Get 'em!
{6070}{6124}-The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.|-Oh, no!
{6127}{6190}- Touchdown!|-Homer?|- D'oh!
{6190}{6253}A 64-yardrun!|We've got an upset in the making!
{6255}{6364}No, we don't.|Ty being objective for once in-- Oh?
{6364}{6439}- Let's go, Homer.|- But you don't understand, Marge.
{6439}{6508}I have 50 bucks|riding on this game.
{6511}{6574}Homer,|you promised me.
{6577}{6646}- This isn't gambling, Marge.
{6646}{6730}- It's a lead-pipe cinch.|- Here's the kick off.
{6733}{6829}Wolodarsky takes it at the five.|And oh, my.
He fumbles!
{6829}{6937}- Oh, no!|-Another touchdown!
{6940}{7043}- Come on.
{7045}{7153}Why should I feel like a traffic cop|every Sunday morning?
{7156}{7247}I'm just tying to get|a little goodness into the family.
{7249}{7345}- Where is it?
The game!
Where is it?
{7348}{7447}-Ahh!|-...
got Wolodarsky open in the end zone.
{7451}{7528}- Catch it.
Catch it.|- It's complete.
Touchdown!
{7531}{7588}All right!
{7661}{7717}Oh, Doctor, we got|a barnburner here.
{7721}{7828}This could be the most|remarkable comeback since|Lazarus rose from the dead.
{7831}{7889}Laza who?
{7927}{7985}Come on, eveybody.|We're late.
{7987}{8101}Bart, I want you to promise me you'll|pay attention in Sunday school.
{8104}{8168}Bart.
Bart?
{8168}{8251}- Bart!|- Whoa!
Are you talking to me?
{8251}{8389}What's this?|A personal stereo.
{8389}{8483}Were you going to listen|to rock music in Sunday school?
{8485}{8608}- Maybe.|- Can you believe this, Homer?
Homer?
{8612}{8717}- Homer!|- No, no, no!
We stink.
We stink.
{8720}{8786}...the 40, the 30,|the 20, the 10.
Touchdown!
{8786}{8870}Homer, were you planning on sitting|in the car till the game was over?
{8872}{8966}- Maybe.|- It's because of your|irreverent attitude...
{8969}{9055}that Bart thinks he can sneak|headphones into Sunday school.
{9059}{9170}- Now move it!|- Now here's the kickoff.|Wolodarsky takes it.
{9170}{9230}And oh my.
He fumbles!
{9230}{9289}Will my dog Pepper|be there?
{9289}{9374}I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
{9377}{9434}- Why not?|- Because heaven is for people.
{9437}{9494}What about my cat,|Snowball?
{9497}{9559}I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
{9563}{9641}- Will there be cavemen in heaven?|- Certainly not.
{9643}{9713}Um, ma'am, what if you're|a really good person, {9716}{9773}but you're in a really,|really bad fight...
{9776}{9842}and your leg gets gangrene,|and it has to be amputated.
{9845}{9902}Will it be waiting|for you in heaven?
{9905}{9986}For the last time,|Bart, yes!
{9988}{10136}- I'd like to begin today's|sermon, which I have entitled, {10136}{10241}"Gambling,|the Eighth Deadly Sin."
{10244}{10319}Today is Sunday,|the Lord's day, {10321}{10379}and yet,|at this vey moment, {10381}{10450}millions of americans|are not in the Lord's house.
{10454}{10553}They're in their own house|worshipping a false idol-- {10555}{10624}professional football.
{10628}{10691}- Oh, Lord--|- It's a beautiful Sunday.
{10694}{10757}Perfect football weather|for this incredible game.
{10759}{10817}- And by the way,|this game is being brought to you...
{10817}{10877}by the good people|at Duffbeer.
{10877}{10952}You can't get enough...|of that wonderful Duff.
{10955}{11030}Now they're lining up|fort his crucial kick.
{11033}{11092}One final tick|of the clock remains.
{11096}{11174}If they win, it will cap|anamazing comeback.
{11177}{11279}But it's a 49-yardfieldgoal|into the wind.
{11279}{11339}Make it!
Make it!|Make it!
Make it!
{11339}{11426}- The kick is up.|- Oh, please, please, please, please!
{11426}{11564}- Holy Toledo, it's good!|- It's good!
It's good!
It's good!
{11615}{11723}It's...
good to see|you all in church.
{11725}{11867}- Please, be seated, Homer.|- Yeah, sit down, Homer.
{11867}{11996}The ventriloquist goes to heaven,|but the dummy doesn't.
{11996}{12062}- Oh, oh, oh!
Me!|- Bart?
{12065}{12133}What about a robot|with a human brain?
{12133}{12197}I don't know!|All these questions!
{12200}{12287}Is a little blind faith|too much to ask?
{12290}{12347}- Yea!
{12350}{12446}Don't forget next week.|Remember to read-- {12446}{12513}That was very nice,|Father.
{12515}{12601}I was pleased|you enjoyed it.
{12601}{12710}I seemed to have struck a chord|with you today, Homer.
{12713}{12773}What?
Oh, yeah,|you were great.
{12777}{12833}- Homer.
{12835}{12944}Homer, you embarrassed us in front|of the whole congregation.
{12947}{13022}And today's sermon was one|you should have really listened to.
{13022}{13082}- What was it about?|- Gambling.
{13082}{13226}Oh.
He didn't say that under certain|circumstances it was all right, did he?
{13230}{13329}No!
Look.
I don't want to talk about|this anymore in front of the kids.
{13331}{13385}Lisa, Bart, {13389}{13454}what did you two learn|in Sunday school today?
{13457}{13520}The answers to deep|theological questions.
{13524}{13625}Yeah.
Among other things,|apes can't get into heaven.
{13625}{13700}What?
Those cute|little monkeys?
{13700}{13793}- That's terrible.
Who told you that?|- Our teacher.
{13793}{13889}I can understand how they wouldn't|let in those wild jungle apes, {13892}{13971}but what about those really|smart ones who live among us, {13973}{14042}who roller-skate|and smoke cigars?
{14054}{14141}Oh, cool, man.|Space Mutants 4.
{14144}{14207}Drop me off!.|Drop me off!.
{14207}{14282}- No way, Jose.|- Marge, they're only space mutants.
{14286}{14355}Uh-uh.
I know what|those movies are like.
{14357}{14435}Killing innocent people,|eating human flesh.
{14439}{14501}You'll just get|a lot of bad ideas.
{14561}{14619}Hey, Dad.|Can I have five bucks?
{14621}{14703}I hope you're not planning|to see a certain movie...
{14705}{14765}starring certain|space mutants...
{14769}{14868}that a certain mother didn't|want you to see.
{14868}{14937}Perish the thought.
{14939}{15036}Here you go, son.
Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
{15128}{15188}Ooh!
{15353}{15489}Da da da da da|Whoa!
Whoa!
{15491}{15546}Ooh, cowabunga!
{15602}{15705}- Hey, hot dog!|- What?
{15705}{15776}- Nice dismount, man.
{15780}{15888}- Didn't hurt.|- Oh, yeah?
Well, do it again.
{15890}{15965}Nah.
Might land on my face|and end up looking like you.
{15965}{16025}- You little punk!
{16025}{16103}Hey, man, leave the kid alone.|I like him.
{16107}{16143}- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
{16143}{16191}- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
{16191}{16259}- So what's your name, man?|- I'm Bart Simpson.
{16263}{16317}This here's Kearny,|and I'm Jimbo.
{16320}{16403}You don't need an introduction.|You're the worst kid in school.
{16403}{16508}- Thanks.|- Psst.
Coast is clear.
{16512}{16587}You guys|are sneakin' in?
{16587}{16704}- Yeah.
Only saps pay to see movies.|- Hey, Bart, come on!
{16706}{16821}But sneaking into a movie is|practically stealing, man.
{16824}{16908}- " Practically"?|- It is stealing.
{16908}{17010}Well, okay.
I just wanted to make sure|we weren't deluding ourselves.
{17316}{17406}Wait!
I think|I hear something.
{17408}{17483}Oh, come on.|Loosen up, babe.
{17487}{17565}There's nobody here|but you and me.
{17568}{17670}No.
Stop it!
{17672}{17775}I think I hear something...|not human.
{17886}{17996}Let's get romantic.
{17996}{18057}Well, okay.
{18155}{18219}You little sneaks,|you're coming with me.
{18222}{18318}Next time you little hoodlums|ty this, I'm calling your parents!
{18321}{18408}Oh, yeah?
Well, we don't wanna see|your crummy movie anyway.
{18411}{18479}Yeah.
We'll take|our business elsewhere.
{18483}{18540}You know, Bart.
{18543}{18636}I've been kicked out|of all four Space Mutant movies.
{18638}{18705}Wow, man.
{18849}{18906}Three jumbo|chery squisheys, {18909}{19003}- and one double jumbo|original flavor, sir.|- Okay.
{19005}{19101}Don't you kids take anything.|I'm watching you.
{19104}{19164}- I've got eyes in the back of my head.
{19209}{19290}- Four fifty-two.|- Don't worry, guys.
It's on me.
{19290}{19351}Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
{19353}{19446}Guys?
{19449}{19497}Guys?
{19501}{19587}Hey, guys.|Where'd you get all that great stuff?
{19591}{19647}Five-finger discount,|man.
{19650}{19776}- You ripped it off?|- Yeah.
Thanks for covering for us, man.
{20091}{20196}- Go on, Bart.|- But that guy founded Springfield.
{20196}{20293}He built our first hospital|out of logs and mud.
{20293}{20368}If it weren't for him,|all the settlers would have died...
{20370}{20442}in the great blizzard|of '48.
{20446}{20502}So?
{20568}{20631}So...
{20634}{20725}watch me hit him|right between the eyes.
{20772}{20880}What are you doing?
Show a little|respect, you insolent little thugs.
{20884}{20959}We're really scared.
{20961}{21085}Hey!
Hey, you!|Hey!
Hey, you!
{21174}{21283}You know, when you|look up at clouds in the sky, {21283}{21358}they start looking|like stuff.
{21360}{21442}- No, they don't.|- Yeah, they do.
{21442}{21538}Like that one over there|looks just like a cherry bomb.
{21541}{21646}Hey, you're right.|And look at that one.
{21648}{21751}It looks like a guy with|a switchblade stuck in his back.
{21753}{21813}Yeah, that one|looks like a school bus...
{21817}{21916}going over a cliff in flames,|with kids inside screaming.
{21918}{22075}That one looks just like the statue of|our town founder, Jebediah Springfield.
{22077}{22141}- Does not.|- Does too.
{22144}{22240}- I mean, without the head, of course.|- Oh, yeah.
{22243}{22333}I wish someone really would cut|his ugly old head off.
{22335}{22393}- You do?|- Yeah, that'd be cool.
{22395}{22459}Sure would cheese|eveybody off.
{22459}{22560}But, guys, come on.|Don't you remember history class?
{22564}{22663}Jebediah once killed|a bear with his bare hands.
{22666}{22798}- Oh, sorry.|- We forgot how much you love|Jebediah Springfield.
{22801}{22878}- Yeah, he's your boyfriend.|- Yeah!
{22878}{22975}- Come on, guys.
Knock it off.|- Beat it, Simpson.
{22977}{23067}Man, I thought|you were cool.
{23338}{23395}Beat it, Simpson.
{23398}{23455}Man, I thought|you were cool.
{23563}{23614}Aha!
{23716}{23814}Wow!
Look at these|bowling balls, Maggie.
{23814}{23938}Can you think of a better way for|Daddy to spend his hard-won 50 bucks?
{23980}{24061}Now I've seen everything.
{24063}{24149}Black marbleized|with a liquid center.
{24151}{24265}"The Stealth Bowler:|The pins don't know what hit them."
{24267}{24327}Dad, can I talk to you|about something?
{24327}{24388}Sure, boy.|What's on your mind?
{24391}{24531}Well, I was wondering.|How important is it to be popular?
{24535}{24675}I'm glad you asked, son.|Being popular is the most|important thing in the world.
{24679}{24776}So, like, sometimes you could|do stuff you think is pretty bad...
{24778}{24838}so other kids|will like you better?
{24841}{24924}- You're not talking about|killing anyone, are you?|- No.
{24928}{24967}- Are you?|- No!
{24969}{25027}Then run along,|you little scamp.
{25030}{25117}A boy without mischiefis like a|bowling ball without a liquid center.
{26947}{27007}What have I done?
{27341}{27397}Bart, are you allright?
{27401}{27470}Uh, yeah.|Top of the world, Ma.
{27472}{27532}Well, then come down|for breakfast.
{27532}{27614}- Ooh!
Look at this one.
{27616}{27730}"The Hammer of Thor:|It will send your pins to...
{27734}{27812}Val-halla."
Lisa?
{27814}{27880}Valhalla is where Vikings|go when they die.
{27884}{27932}Oh.|That's some ball.
{27932}{27994}Good morning,|eveybody.
{28046}{28112}We interrupt "Mamboin the Morning"...
{28114}{28181}to bring you|this special news bulletin.
{28183}{28286}The statue of Jebediah Springfield,|our illustrious town founder, {28286}{28363}- was brutally decapitated last night...
{28367}{28439}in an act|of senseless vandalism.
{28442}{28507}We now go to Police Chief Wiggum|at City Hall.
{28580}{28726}Well, we have no witnesses,|no suspects, and no leads.
{28730}{28889}If anyone has any information,|please dial "O" and ask for the police.
{28891}{28979}That number again,"O."
{28979}{29039}Stay tuned to this station...
{29039}{29132}for further developments as they break.
{29132}{29273}- It's just a statue.|- The statue of the trail blazing|founder of our town.
{29273}{29360}It's a symbol of what we can all do|if we put our minds to it.
{29363}{29413}Just a statue?
{29417}{29492}Is the Statue of Liberty|just a statue?
{29495}{29567}Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza|just a statue?
{29567}{29642}- Uh-oh.
School bus.
{29642}{29707}Come on, Lis.|School bus.
{29711}{29813}Go on, Lisa.
We've all got|to be brave, just like Jebediah...
{29816}{29891}- when he killed that bear.|- It's so awful.
{29894}{29954}Okay, come on,|come on, everybody.
{29956}{30032}We gotta get on|with our lives.
{30035}{30100}Let's ty and put|this tragedy behind us.
{30100}{30160}You're right, Moe.
{30160}{30224}A beer, please, and make sure|there's a head on it.
{30287}{30405}I said it before, and I'll say it again.
{30407}{30485}" Hell in a handbasket!"
{30488}{30563}I hope they find|the punk who did this, {30563}{30647}and I hope|they cut his head off.
{30647}{30695}Yeah!
{30695}{30755}Hi, guys.|What's up?
{30757}{30851}We were saying we'd love to meet the|guy who cut off the head of that statue.
{30854}{30953}- Yeah, we wish he were here right now.
{30956}{31001}Oh, really?
{31004}{31100}Yeah, we'd break every bone|in his stupid little body.
{31100}{31205}- Yeah, that's right, man.
Limb by limb.|- Yeah!
{31208}{31334}What?
But-But yesterday,|didn't you say it would be cool...
{31337}{31446}to cut off the head,|and really cheese everybody off?
{31448}{31505}Yeah, that was|just cloud talk, man.
{31508}{31575}Yeah.
I mean, throwing rocks|is one thing, {31577}{31635}but I would never cut|the head off of a guy...
{31637}{31712}who iced a bear|with his bare hands.
{31712}{31781}-So what's in the bag, Bart?|-My head.
{31784}{31901}- I said, what's in the bag, Bart?
{31901}{31994}Go ahead, Bart.
Tell them.
{31994}{32112}It's the head|of Jebediah Springfield.
{32114}{32163}I gotta go!
{32163}{32307}Look what you've done.|You wanted to be popular.
{32309}{32408}Now you're the most|hated boy in town.
{32412}{32522}You're not really talking to me.|You're just my overactive imagination.
{32522}{32610}- Oh, I am, am I?|- Shut up.
{32612}{32678}I wanted them|to like me.
{32681}{32745}Hmm.|The child seems rattled.
{32747}{32840}- Can you blame him?|- No.
No, I can't.
{32904}{32981}There, there, Mr.
Burns.|Blow, sir.
{33104}{33164}Hey, Bart,|where are you going?
{33168}{33254}- Uh, to my room.|- Why don't you watch Krusty the Clown?
{33258}{33404}There's someone out there in Krustyland|who has committed an atrocity.
{33404}{33486}If you know who cut off|Jebediah's head-- {33488}{33599}I don't care if it's your brother,|your sister, your daddy or your mommy-- {33602}{33672}turn them in,|and Krusty will send you...
{33675}{33791}- a free slide whistle|just like Sideshow Bob's.
{33909}{33966}- Wait a minute.
{33969}{34059}I hope you're not planning to do|what I think you're doing.
{34061}{34143}Sorry, man.|It's either you or me.
{34145}{34256}You know, Bart, you don't|have to found a town to be a hero.
{34259}{34323}Sometimes a hero|could be a young boy...
{34325}{34454}with the courage to stand up|and admit he's made a mistake.
{34454}{34533}Yeah, well, I'm running|a little short on courage right now.
{34536}{34593}Aah!
{34596}{34677}Anyway, think about it,|will you, son?
{34800}{34907}Jebediah Obediah|Zachariahjedediah Springfield...
{34907}{34967}came West in 1838.
{34967}{35027}Along the way,|he met a ferocious bear...
{35027}{35087}and killed him|with his bare hands.
{35087}{35171}That's " B-A-R-E" hands.
{35175}{35253}Although modern historians|recently uncovered evidence...
{35256}{35328}that the bear, in fact,|probably killed him.
{35328}{35435}- But whether bear killed man--|- Mom.
Dad.
{35439}{35540}- I knew it all along!|- Why, Bart?
Why?
{35544}{35600}Yeah, why?|You little-- {35604}{35706}Because I wanted|some really bad kids to like me.
{35709}{35783}Somehow I got the idea|that being popular...
{35783}{35843}was the most important|thing in the world.
{35843}{35967}- Where did you get|a ridiculous idea like that?|- Uh-- {35967}{36027}Lay off|the boy, Marge.
{36027}{36126}He's a good kid.|Quit giving him the third degree.
{36126}{36216}Homer, did you have|something to do with this?
{36216}{36296}Well, maybe I am|a little responsible.
{36300}{36378}- A little?|- Come on, son.
{36381}{36472}Let's take the head thing|back to the authorities.
{36534}{36605}You know, Bart,|when I was your age, {36609}{36665}I pulled a few boners.
{36669}{36732}But I think you'll find people|are pretty decent...
{36732}{36819}- if you give them half--|- Look!
There it is-- {36822}{36888}- The head!|- Kill 'em!
{37146}{37204}-Allright.
Allright.|- Allright, already.
{37206}{37302}- We know this part.|-Oh, yeah, right.
{37305}{37363}Well, that's my story.
{37363}{37473}And if you still wanna tear apart|this young Sunday school student...
{37476}{37560}as he stands on the brink|of salvation, {37563}{37659}- I await your wrath.|- Aw!
{37662}{37794}- Somehow I don't feel|like killing anymore.|- Neither do I.
{37797}{37851}Dad.
{37893}{38005}- Forgive me, sir.|- No problem, Bart.
{38007}{38076}Look!|It's glorious.
{38080}{38142}It's beautiful, man.
{38145}{38245}- I love you, Smithers.|- The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
{38319}{38379}Whoo!
{38400}{38460}Good going, son.
{38460}{38520}But remember--|Most lynch mobs aren't this nice.
{39141}{39271}Subtitles By|Captions Inc.
Los Angeles {40575}{40635}Shh!
{2818}{2880}But I think you'll find|that people are pretty decent...
{2884}{2970}- if you give them half--|- Look!
There it is-- {2970}{3039}- The head!|- Kill him!
{3612}{3702}They got us cornered, boy.|We'll never get away.
Give me the head.
{3706}{3778}No, Dad.
This whole thing|was my fault.
{3778}{3855}- You run along.|- Son, we're in this mess together.
{3859}{3930}No matter how|tempting it might be, {3930}{4027}I can't let my only boy get ripped|limb from limb by a bloodthirsty mob.
{4029}{4123}- Aw, Dad.|- We'll die together,|like a father and son should.
{4125}{4183}Look.|Now we'vegot 'em.
{4186}{4267}- Hey, that's Homer Simpson.|- And his kid, Bart.
{4269}{4327}- Let's kill them!|-Bring 'em out!
{4329}{4408}- off the kid, man.
Off him!|- Kill Bart!
{4411}{4473}- Kill Homer!|- Let's kill this guy!
{4477}{4602}Murderous mob,|I beg you to spare our lives.
{4606}{4677}At least until you've heard|the story of how we ended up...
{4681}{4750}with the head|ofour beloved town founder.
{4752}{4827}How long will|this story take?
{4827}{4926}Uh, about 23 minutes|and 5 seconds.
{4930}{4995}- It's too long!|- 23:05?
{4999}{5065}Well, all right.|Go ahead.
{5068}{5155}Okay.
It all started|Sunday morning.
{5158}{5175}Kids!|We're late for church.
{5175}{5265}Kids!|We're late for church.
{5269}{5334}Get your butts|down here right now!
{5467}{5598}- Ready for inspection, Mom.|- Very nice, Maggie.
{5602}{5686}And, Lisa,|you look lovely.
{5686}{5746}Bart,|assume the position.
{5899}{5956}- Ohh!|- Bart.
{5959}{6006}Now where's your father?
{6010}{6066}- Phillips has broken free.|- Get 'em.
Get 'em!
{6070}{6124}-The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.|-Oh, no!
{6127}{6190}- Touchdown!|-Homer?|- D'oh!
{6190}{6253}A 64-yardrun!|We've got an upset in the making!
{6255}{6364}No, we don't.|Ty being objective for once in-- Oh?
{6364}{6439}- Let's go, Homer.|- But you don't understand, Marge.
{6439}{6508}I have 50 bucks|riding on this game.
{6511}{6574}Homer,|you promised me.
{6577}{6646}- This isn't gambling, Marge.
{6646}{6730}- It's a lead-pipe cinch.|- Here's the kick off.
{6733}{6829}Wolodarsky takes it at the five.|And oh, my.
He fumbles!
{6829}{6937}- Oh, no!|-Another touchdown!
{6940}{7043}- Come on.
{7045}{7153}Why should I feel like a traffic cop|every Sunday morning?
{7156}{7247}I'm just tying to get|a little goodness into the family.
{7249}{7345}- Where is it?
The game!
Where is it?
{7348}{7447}-Ahh!|-...
got Wolodarsky open in the end zone.
{7451}{7528}- Catch it.
Catch it.|- It's complete.
Touchdown!
{7531}{7588}All right!
{7661}{7717}Oh, Doctor, we got|a barnburner here.
{7721}{7828}This could be the most|remarkable comeback since|Lazarus rose from the dead.
{7831}{7889}Laza who?
{7927}{7985}Come on, eveybody.|We're late.
{7987}{8101}Bart, I want you to promise me you'll|pay attention in Sunday school.
{8104}{8168}Bart.
Bart?
{8168}{8251}- Bart!|- Whoa!
Are you talking to me?
{8251}{8389}What's this?|A personal stereo.
{8389}{8483}Were you going to listen|to rock music in Sunday school?
{8485}{8608}- Maybe.|- Can you believe this, Homer?
Homer?
{8612}{8717}- Homer!|- No, no, no!
We stink.
We stink.
{8720}{8786}...the 40, the 30,|the 20, the 10.
Touchdown!
{8786}{8870}Homer, were you planning on sitting|in the car till the game was over?
{8872}{8966}- Maybe.|- It's because of your|irreverent attitude...
{8969}{9055}that Bart thinks he can sneak|headphones into Sunday school.
{9059}{9170}- Now move it!|- Now here's the kickoff.|Wolodarsky takes it.
{9170}{9230}And oh my.
He fumbles!
{9230}{9289}Will my dog Pepper|be there?
{9289}{9374}I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
{9377}{9434}- Why not?|- Because heaven is for people.
{9437}{9494}What about my cat,|Snowball?
{9497}{9559}I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
{9563}{9641}- Will there be cavemen in heaven?|- Certainly not.
{9643}{9713}Um, ma'am, what if you're|a really good person, {9716}{9773}but you're in a really,|really bad fight...
{9776}{9842}and your leg gets gangrene,|and it has to be amputated.
{9845}{9902}Will it be waiting|for you in heaven?
{9905}{9986}For the last time,|Bart, yes!
{9988}{10136}- I'd like to begin today's|sermon, which I have entitled, {10136}{10241}"Gambling,|the Eighth Deadly Sin."
{10244}{10319}Today is Sunday,|the Lord's day, {10321}{10379}and yet,|at this vey moment, {10381}{10450}millions of americans|are not in the Lord's house.
{10454}{10553}They're in their own house|worshipping a false idol-- {10555}{10624}professional football.
{10628}{10691}- Oh, Lord--|- It's a beautiful Sunday.
{10694}{10757}Perfect football weather|for this incredible game.
{10759}{10817}- And by the way,|this game is being brought to you...
{10817}{10877}by the good people|at Duffbeer.
{10877}{10952}You can't get enough...|of that wonderful Duff.
{10955}{11030}Now they're lining up|fort his crucial kick.
{11033}{11092}One final tick|of the clock remains.
{11096}{11174}If they win, it will cap|anamazing comeback.
{11177}{11279}But it's a 49-yardfieldgoal|into the wind.
{11279}{11339}Make it!
Make it!|Make it!
Make it!
{11339}{11426}- The kick is up.|- Oh, please, please, please, please!
{11426}{11564}- Holy Toledo, it's good!|- It's good!
It's good!
It's good!
{11615}{11723}It's...
good to see|you all in church.
{11725}{11867}- Please, be seated, Homer.|- Yeah, sit down, Homer.
{11867}{11996}The ventriloquist goes to heaven,|but the dummy doesn't.
{11996}{12062}- Oh, oh, oh!
Me!|- Bart?
{12065}{12133}What about a robot|with a human brain?
{12133}{12197}I don't know!|All these questions!
{12200}{12287}Is a little blind faith|too much to ask?
{12290}{12347}- Yea!
{12350}{12446}Don't forget next week.|Remember to read-- {12446}{12513}That was very nice,|Father.
{12515}{12601}I was pleased|you enjoyed it.
{12601}{12710}I seemed to have struck a chord|with you today, Homer.
{12713}{12773}What?
Oh, yeah,|you were great.
{12777}{12833}- Homer.
{12835}{12944}Homer, you embarrassed us in front|of the whole congregation.
{12947}{13022}And today's sermon was one|you should have really listened to.
{13022}{13082}- What was it about?|- Gambling.
{13082}{13226}Oh.
He didn't say that under certain|circumstances it was all right, did he?
{13230}{13329}No!
Look.
I don't want to talk about|this anymore in front of the kids.
{13331}{13385}Lisa, Bart, {13389}{13454}what did you two learn|in Sunday school today?
{13457}{13520}The answers to deep|theological questions.
{13524}{13625}Yeah.
Among other things,|apes can't get into heaven.
{13625}{13700}What?
Those cute|little monkeys?
{13700}{13793}- That's terrible.
Who told you that?|- Our teacher.
{13793}{13889}I can understand how they wouldn't|let in those wild jungle apes, {13892}{13971}but what about those really|smart ones who live among us, {13973}{14042}who roller-skate|and smoke cigars?
{14054}{14141}Oh, cool, man.|Space Mutants 4.
{14144}{14207}Drop me off!.|Drop me off!.
{14207}{14282}- No way, Jose.|- Marge, they're only space mutants.
{14286}{14355}Uh-uh.
I know what|those movies are like.
{14357}{14435}Killing innocent people,|eating human flesh.
{14439}{14501}You'll just get|a lot of bad ideas.
{14561}{14619}Hey, Dad.|Can I have five bucks?
{14621}{14703}I hope you're not planning|to see a certain movie...
{14705}{14765}starring certain|space mutants...
{14769}{14868}that a certain mother didn't|want you to see.
{14868}{14937}Perish the thought.
{14939}{15036}Here you go, son.
Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
{15128}{15188}Ooh!
{15353}{15489}Da da da da da|Whoa!
Whoa!
{15491}{15546}Ooh, cowabunga!
{15602}{15705}- Hey, hot dog!|- What?
{15705}{15776}- Nice dismount, man.
{15780}{15888}- Didn't hurt.|- Oh, yeah?
Well, do it again.
{15890}{15965}Nah.
Might land on my face|and end up looking like you.
{15965}{16025}- You little punk!
{16025}{16103}Hey, man, leave the kid alone.|I like him.
{16107}{16143}- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
{16143}{16191}- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
{16191}{16259}- So what's your name, man?|- I'm Bart Simpson.
{16263}{16317}This here's Kearny,|and I'm Jimbo.
{16320}{16403}You don't need an introduction.|You're the worst kid in school.
{16403}{16508}- Thanks.|- Psst.
Coast is clear.
{16512}{16587}You guys|are sneakin' in?
{16587}{16704}- Yeah.
Only saps pay to see movies.|- Hey, Bart, come on!
{16706}{16821}But sneaking into a movie is|practically stealing, man.
{16824}{16908}- " Practically"?|- It is stealing.
{16908}{17010}Well, okay.
I just wanted to make sure|we weren't deluding ourselves.
{17316}{17406}Wait!
I think|I hear something.
{17408}{17483}Oh, come on.|Loosen up, babe.
{17487}{17565}There's nobody here|but you and me.
{17568}{17670}No.
Stop it!
{17672}{17775}I think I hear something...|not human.
{17886}{17996}Let's get romantic.
{17996}{18057}Well, okay.
{18155}{18219}You little sneaks,|you're coming with me.
{18222}{18318}Next time you little hoodlums|ty this, I'm calling your parents!
{18321}{18408}Oh, yeah?
Well, we don't wanna see|your crummy movie anyway.
{18411}{18479}Yeah.
We'll take|our business elsewhere.
{18483}{18540}You know, Bart.
{18543}{18636}I've been kicked out|of all four Space Mutant movies.
{18638}{18705}Wow, man.
{18849}{18906}Three jumbo|chery squisheys, {18909}{19003}- and one double jumbo|original flavor, sir.|- Okay.
{19005}{19101}Don't you kids take anything.|I'm watching you.
{19104}{19164}- I've got eyes in the back of my head.
{19209}{19290}- Four fifty-two.|- Don't worry, guys.
It's on me.
{19290}{19351}Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
{19353}{19446}Guys?
{19449}{19497}Guys?
{19501}{19587}Hey, guys.|Where'd you get all that great stuff?
{19591}{19647}Five-finger discount,|man.
{19650}{19776}- You ripped it off?|- Yeah.
Thanks for covering for us, man.
{20091}{20196}- Go on, Bart.|- But that guy founded Springfield.
{20196}{20293}He built our first hospital|out of logs and mud.
{20293}{20368}If it weren't for him,|all the settlers would have died...
{20370}{20442}in the great blizzard|of '48.
{20446}{20502}So?
{20568}{20631}So...
{20634}{20725}watch me hit him|right between the eyes.
{20772}{20880}What are you doing?
Show a little|respect, you insolent little thugs.
{20884}{20959}We're really scared.
{20961}{21085}Hey!
Hey, you!|Hey!
Hey, you!
{21174}{21283}You know, when you|look up at clouds in the sky, {21283}{21358}they start looking|like stuff.
{21360}{21442}- No, they don't.|- Yeah, they do.
{21442}{21538}Like that one over there|looks just like a cherry bomb.
{21541}{21646}Hey, you're right.|And look at that one.
{21648}{21751}It looks like a guy with|a switchblade stuck in his back.
{21753}{21813}Yeah, that one|looks like a school bus...
{21817}{21916}going over a cliff in flames,|with kids inside screaming.
{21918}{22075}That one looks just like the statue of|our town founder, Jebediah Springfield.
{22077}{22141}- Does not.|- Does too.
{22144}{22240}- I mean, without the head, of course.|- Oh, yeah.
{22243}{22333}I wish someone really would cut|his ugly old head off.
{22335}{22393}- You do?|- Yeah, that'd be cool.
{22395}{22459}Sure would cheese|eveybody off.
{22459}{22560}But, guys, come on.|Don't you remember history class?
{22564}{22663}Jebediah once killed|a bear with his bare hands.
{22666}{22798}- Oh, sorry.|- We forgot how much you love|Jebediah Springfield.
{22801}{22878}- Yeah, he's your boyfriend.|- Yeah!
{22878}{22975}- Come on, guys.
Knock it off.|- Beat it, Simpson.
{22977}{23067}Man, I thought|you were cool.
{23338}{23395}Beat it, Simpson.
{23398}{23455}Man, I thought|you were cool.
{23563}{23614}Aha!
{23716}{23814}Wow!
Look at these|bowling balls, Maggie.
{23814}{23938}Can you think of a better way for|Daddy to spend his hard-won 50 bucks?
{23980}{24061}Now I've seen everything.
{24063}{24149}Black marbleized|with a liquid center.
{24151}{24265}"The Stealth Bowler:|The pins don't know what hit them."
{24267}{24327}Dad, can I talk to you|about something?
{24327}{24388}Sure, boy.|What's on your mind?
{24391}{24531}Well, I was wondering.|How important is it to be popular?
{24535}{24675}I'm glad you asked, son.|Being popular is the most|important thing in the world.
{24679}{24776}So, like, sometimes you could|do stuff you think is pretty bad...
{24778}{24838}so other kids|will like you better?
{24841}{24924}- You're not talking about|killing anyone, are you?|- No.
{24928}{24967}- Are you?|- No!
{24969}{25027}Then run along,|you little scamp.
{25030}{25117}A boy without mischiefis like a|bowling ball without a liquid center.
{26947}{27007}What have I done?
{27341}{27397}Bart, are you allright?
{27401}{27470}Uh, yeah.|Top of the world, Ma.
{27472}{27532}Well, then come down|for breakfast.
{27532}{27614}- Ooh!
Look at this one.
{27616}{27730}"The Hammer of Thor:|It will send your pins to...
{27734}{27812}Val-halla."
Lisa?
{27814}{27880}Valhalla is where Vikings|go when they die.
{27884}{27932}Oh.|That's some ball.
{27932}{27994}Good morning,|eveybody.
{28046}{28112}We interrupt "Mamboin the Morning"...
{28114}{28181}to bring you|this special news bulletin.
{28183}{28286}The statue of Jebediah Springfield,|our illustrious town founder, {28286}{28363}- was brutally decapitated last night...
{28367}{28439}in an act|of senseless vandalism.
{28442}{28507}We now go to Police Chief Wiggum|at City Hall.
{28580}{28726}Well, we have no witnesses,|no suspects, and no leads.
{28730}{28889}If anyone has any information,|please dial "O" and ask for the police.
{28891}{28979}That number again,"O."
{28979}{29039}Stay tuned to this station...
{29039}{29132}for further developments as they break.
{29132}{29273}- It's just a statue.|- The statue of the trail blazing|founder of our town.
{29273}{29360}It's a symbol of what we can all do|if we put our minds to it.
{29363}{29413}Just a statue?
{29417}{29492}Is the Statue of Liberty|just a statue?
{29495}{29567}Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza|just a statue?
{29567}{29642}- Uh-oh.
School bus.
{29642}{29707}Come on, Lis.|School bus.
{29711}{29813}Go on, Lisa.
We've all got|to be brave, just like Jebediah...
{29816}{29891}- when he killed that bear.|- It's so awful.
{29894}{29954}Okay, come on,|come on, everybody.
{29956}{30032}We gotta get on|with our lives.
{30035}{30100}Let's ty and put|this tragedy behind us.
{30100}{30160}You're right, Moe.
{30160}{30224}A beer, please, and make sure|there's a head on it.
{30287}{30405}I said it before, and I'll say it again.
{30407}{30485}" Hell in a handbasket!"
{30488}{30563}I hope they find|the punk who did this, {30563}{30647}and I hope|they cut his head off.
{30647}{30695}Yeah!
{30695}{30755}Hi, guys.|What's up?
{30757}{30851}We were saying we'd love to meet the|guy who cut off the head of that statue.
{30854}{30953}- Yeah, we wish he were here right now.
{30956}{31001}Oh, really?
{31004}{31100}Yeah, we'd break every bone|in his stupid little body.
{31100}{31205}- Yeah, that's right, man.
Limb by limb.|- Yeah!
{31208}{31334}What?
But-But yesterday,|didn't you say it would be cool...
{31337}{31446}to cut off the head,|and really cheese everybody off?
{31448}{31505}Yeah, that was|just cloud talk, man.
{31508}{31575}Yeah.
I mean, throwing rocks|is one thing, {31577}{31635}but I would never cut|the head off of a guy...
{31637}{31712}who iced a bear|with his bare hands.
{31712}{31781}-So what's in the bag, Bart?|-My head.
{31784}{31901}- I said, what's in the bag, Bart?
{31901}{31994}Go ahead, Bart.
Tell them.
{31994}{32112}It's the head|of Jebediah Springfield.
{32114}{32163}I gotta go!
{32163}{32307}Look what you've done.|You wanted to be popular.
{32309}{32408}Now you're the most|hated boy in town.
{32412}{32522}You're not really talking to me.|You're just my overactive imagination.
{32522}{32610}- Oh, I am, am I?|- Shut up.
{32612}{32678}I wanted them|to like me.
{32681}{32745}Hmm.|The child seems rattled.
{32747}{32840}- Can you blame him?|- No.
No, I can't.
{32904}{32981}There, there, Mr.
Burns.|Blow, sir.
{33104}{33164}Hey, Bart,|where are you going?
{33168}{33254}- Uh, to my room.|- Why don't you watch Krusty the Clown?
{33258}{33404}There's someone out there in Krustyland|who has committed an atrocity.
{33404}{33486}If you know who cut off|Jebediah's head-- {33488}{33599}I don't care if it's your brother,|your sister, your daddy or your mommy-- {33602}{33672}turn them in,|and Krusty will send you...
{33675}{33791}- a free slide whistle|just like Sideshow Bob's.
{33909}{33966}- Wait a minute.
{33969}{34059}I hope you're not planning to do|what I think you're doing.
{34061}{34143}Sorry, man.|It's either you or me.
{34145}{34256}You know, Bart, you don't|have to found a town to be a hero.
{34259}{34323}Sometimes a hero|could be a young boy...
{34325}{34454}with the courage to stand up|and admit he's made a mistake.
{34454}{34533}Yeah, well, I'm running|a little short on courage right now.
{34536}{34593}Aah!
{34596}{34677}Anyway, think about it,|will you, son?
{34800}{34907}Jebediah Obediah|Zachariahjedediah Springfield...
{34907}{34967}came West in 1838.
{34967}{35027}Along the way,|he met a ferocious bear...
{35027}{35087}and killed him|with his bare hands.
{35087}{35171}That's " B-A-R-E" hands.
{35175}{35253}Although modern historians|recently uncovered evidence...
{35256}{35328}that the bear, in fact,|probably killed him.
{35328}{35435}- But whether bear killed man--|- Mom.
Dad.
{35439}{35540}- I knew it all along!|- Why, Bart?
Why?
{35544}{35600}Yeah, why?|You little-- {35604}{35706}Because I wanted|some really bad kids to like me.
{35709}{35783}Somehow I got the idea|that being popular...
{35783}{35843}was the most important|thing in the world.
{35843}{35967}- Where did you get|a ridiculous idea like that?|- Uh-- {35967}{36027}Lay off|the boy, Marge.
{36027}{36126}He's a good kid.|Quit giving him the third degree.
{36126}{36216}Homer, did you have|something to do with this?
{36216}{36296}Well, maybe I am|a little responsible.
{36300}{36378}- A little?|- Come on, son.
{36381}{36472}Let's take the head thing|back to the authorities.
{36534}{36605}You know, Bart,|when I was your age, {36609}{36665}I pulled a few boners.
{36669}{36732}But I think you'll find people|are pretty decent...
{36732}{36819}- if you give them half--|- Look!
There it is-- {36822}{36888}- The head!|- Kill 'em!
{37146}{37204}-Allright.
Allright.|- Allright, already.
{37206}{37302}- We know this part.|-Oh, yeah, right.
{37305}{37363}Well, that's my story.
{37363}{37473}And if you still wanna tear apart|this young Sunday school student...
{37476}{37560}as he stands on the brink|of salvation, {37563}{37659}- I await your wrath.|- Aw!
{37662}{37794}- Somehow I don't feel|like killing anymore.|- Neither do I.
{37797}{37851}Dad.
{37893}{38005}- Forgive me, sir.|- No problem, Bart.
{38007}{38076}Look!|It's glorious.
{38080}{38142}It's beautiful, man.
{38145}{38245}- I love you, Smithers.|- The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
{38319}{38379}Whoo!
{38400}{38460}Good going, son.
{38460}{38520}But remember--|Most lynch mobs aren't this nice.
{39141}{39271}Subtitles By|Captions Inc.
Los Angeles {40575}{40635}Shh!