Programa de TV: Black Adder - 4x4
{522}{604}Ready, march!
{873}{995}Eyes...
right!
{1117}{1195}Eyes right!
{1805}{1870}God, why do they bother?!
{1873}{1933}Well, it's to kill Jerry, Isn't it, sir?
{1936}{2009}Yes, but Jerry is safe underground|in concrete bunkers.
{2011}{2089}We've shot off over a million cannon|shellsand what's the result?
{2092}{2161}One dachshund with a slight limp!
{2164}{2218}Shut up!
{2221}{2251}Thank you!
{2256}{2304}Right, I'm off to bed|where I intend to sleep {2308}{2420}until my name changes|to Rip Van Adder.
{2660}{2692}Aah...
{2779}{2826}Oh, God!
Bloody Germans!
{2830}{2862}They can't take a joke, can they?
{2866}{2913}Just because we take|a few pot-shots at them, {2917}{2975}they have to have an air-raid|to get their own back.
{2978}{3009}Where are our air force?
{3014}{3126}They're meant to defend us|against this sort of thing.
{3121}{3194}Right, that's it!
{3223}{3256}Hello?
{3260}{3304}Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a message {3308}{3355}for the head of the Flying Corps, please.
{3359}{3438}That's Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh|Massingbird-Massingbird, {3440}{3477}VC, DFC and BAR.
{3481}{3550}Message reads: "Where are you,|you bastard?"
{3553}{3598}Here I am, sir.
{3602}{3639}For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.
{3643}{3664}Why's that, sir?
{3669}{3696}Because there's an air-raid going on {3701}{3766}And I don't want to have to write|to your mother at London Zoo {3769}{3854}and tell her that|her only human child is dead.
{3856}{3884}All right, sir.
{3888}{3937}It's just that I didn't know|there was an air-raid on.
{3941}{4030}I couldn't hear anything|over the noise of the terrific display {4032}{4100}by our wonderful boys|of the Royal Flying Corps, sir.
{4103}{4123}What?
{4128}{4172}I say, those chaps can't half thunder {4176}{4245}in their airborne steeds, can't they just?
{4248}{4304}Oh, hello, what's going on here?|Game of hide and seek?
{4307}{4330}Excellent!
{4335}{4369}Right now, I'll go and count to a hundred.
{4373}{4411}Er, no.
Better make it five, actually.
{4415}{4449}George...
Oh, it's sardines.
{4454}{4499}Oh, excellent!|That's my favourite one, that.
{4503}{4527}- George.|- Yes, sir?
{4531}{4589}Shut up, and never say anything again|as long as you live.
{4593}{4638}Right you are, sir.
{4642}{4686}Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.
{4689}{4743}Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.
{4747}{4788}How we cheered when they spun.
{4792}{4827}How we shouted when they dived.
{4831}{4912}How we applauded when one chap|got sliced in half by his own propeller.
{4915}{4957}Well, it's all part of the joke {4961}{5013}for those magnificent men|in their flying machines.
{5057}{5138}For "magnificent men," read|"biggest show-offs" since Lady Godiva {5141}{5253}"entered the royal enclosure at|Ascotclaiming she had literally nothing to|wear."
{5254}{5298}I don't care how many times {5302}{5349}they go up-diddly-up-up, they're still gits!
{5353}{5442}Oh, come on, sir!
I'd love to be a flier.
{5444}{5494}Up there where the air is clear.
{5497}{5623}The chances of the air being clear|anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero!
{5624}{5712}Oh, sir.
It'd be great,|swooping and diving.
{5757}{5781}Baldrick.
{5845}{5910}Baldrick.
{5925}{5969}Baldrick, what are you doing?
{5972}{6028}I'm a Sopwith Camel, sir.
{6032}{6063}Oh, it is a Sopwith Camel.
{6067}{6090}Ah, right, I always get confused {6095}{6136}between the sound of a Sopwith Camel {6140}{6209}and the sound of a malodorous runt|wasting everybody's time.
{6212}{6276}Now, if you can do without me|in the nursery for a while, {6279}{6359}I'm going to get some fresh air.
{6408}{6457}Ha!
Eat knuckle, Fritz!
{6461}{6506}Ooh!
{6510}{6535}How disgusting.
{6540}{6586}A boche on the sole of my boot.
{6590}{6640}I shall have to find a patch of grass|to wipe it on.
{6643}{6681}Probably get shunned|in the officers' mess.
{6685}{6710}Sorry about the pong, you fellows, {6715}{6784}Trod in a boche and can't get rid of the whiff.
{6787}{6819}Do you think we could dispense {6823}{6890}with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor|for a moment?
{6893}{6912}I'm not a boche.
{6917}{6965}- This is a British trench.|- Is it?
{6969}{6999}Oh, that's a piece of luck.
{7003}{7071}Thought I'd landed sausage-side!
Ha!
{7074}{7104}Mind if I use your phone?
{7109}{7142}If word gets out that I'm missing, {7146}{7187}five hundred girls will kill themselves.
{7191}{7231}I wouldn't want them on my conscience, {7235}{7322}not when they ought to be on my face!
{7358}{7396}Hi, Flashheart here.
{7400}{7432}Yeah, cancel the state funeral, {7437}{7511}tell the king to stop blubbing.|Flash is "not" dead.
{7513}{7549}I simply ran out of "juice!"
{7553}{7611}Yeah, and before all the girls start saying, {7615}{7647}{y:i}Oh, what's the point of living anymore, {7651}{7722}I'm talking about petrol!
Woof, woof!
{7725}{7781}Yeah, I dumped the kite|on the proles, so send a car.
{7784}{7820}General Melchett's driver should do.
{7825}{7857}She hangs around with the big nobs, {7861}{7921}so she'll be used to a fellow like me!|Woof, woof!
{7924}{7997}Look, do you think you could make|your obscene phone call somewhere else?
{8000}{8103}No, not in half an hour,|you rubber-desk johnny.
{8104}{8198}Send the bitch with the wheels right now,|or I'll fly back to England {8200}{8301}and give your wife something|to hang her towels on.
{8302}{8340}Okay, dig out your best booze {8344}{8399}and let's talk about me 'til the car comes.
{8402}{8478}You must be pretty impressed having|squadron commander The Lord Flashheart {8481}{8532}drop in on your squalid bit of line.
{8536}{8565}Actually, no.
{8569}{8614}I was more impressed by the contents|of my handkerchief {8618}{8646}the last time I blew my nose.
{8650}{8710}Yeah, like hell.
{8714}{8735}Huh, huh.
{8740}{8782}You've probably got little piccies of me {8786}{8839}on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?
{8842}{8912}I bet you go all girly and giggly|every time you "look at me"!
{8915}{8935}I'm afraid not.
{8940}{9002}Unfortunately, most of the infantry|think you're a prat.
{9005}{9048}Ask them who they'd prefer to meet, {9052}{9102}Squadron Commander Flashheart {9106}{9170}and the man who cleans out|the public toilets in Aberdeen, {9173}{9303}and they'd go for Wee Jock|"Poo-Pong" Mcplop every time.
{9301}{9355}Ha ha ha ha!
{9419}{9476}So when that fellow looped-the-loop, {9479}{9536}I honestly thought that, that, that...
{9540}{9562}My God!
{9566}{9616}Yes, I suppose I am.
{9620}{9657}Lord Flashheart, {9661}{9707}this is the greatest honor of my life.
{9711}{9780}I hope I snuff it right now|to preserve this moment forever.
{9783}{9841}It could be arranged.
{9844}{9907}Lord Flashheart, I want to learn to write {9910}{9985}so I can send a letter home|about this golden moment.
{9988}{10042}So all the fellows hate me, eh?
{10046}{10070}Not a bit of it.
{10074}{10110}I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scout?
{10115}{10144}Jesus!
{10148}{10273}My lord, I've got every cigarette card|they ever printed of you.
{10274}{10324}My whole family took up smoking {10327}{10376}just so that we could get the whole set.
{10380}{10467}My grandmother smoked herself to death {10469}{10501}so we could afford the album.
{10505}{10550}Of course she did, of course she did, {10554}{10637}The poor love-crazed old octogenarian.
{10640}{10670}Well, all right, you fellows.
{10674}{10737}Let's sit us down and yarn about|how amazingly attractive I am.
{10740}{10775}Yes, would you excuse me|for a moment?
{10780}{10824}I've got some urgent business.
{10827}{10893}There's a bucket outside|I've got to be sick into.
{10896}{10951}Yooo-hooo!
{10955}{11019}All right, you chaps,|let's get comfy.
{11022}{11067}You look like a decent British bloke.
{11071}{11117}I'll park the old booties|on you if that's okay.
{11121}{11158}It would be an honor, my lord.
{11162}{11231}Of course it would!
Ha!
{11234}{11286}Ah...
Have you any idea|what it's like {11289}{11347}to have the wind|rushing through your hair?
{11351}{11367}No, sir.
{11424}{11528}He has!
Lucky devil!
{11530}{11574}So I flew straight|through her bedroom window, {11578}{11621}popped a box of chocs|on the dressing table, {11625}{11669}machine-gunned my telephone|number into the wall, {11673}{11723}and then shot off and shagged her sister.
{11726}{11748}Ahem.
{11753}{11826}Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, my lord.
{11829}{11860}Well, well, well.
{11864}{11909}If it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst...
{11913}{11958}Saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.
{11962}{11993}I've come to pick you up.
{11997}{12029}Well, that's how like my girls...
{12034}{12086}direct and to my point.
Woof!
{12089}{12107}Woof!
{12245}{12282}Ah!
Tally ho, then!
{12286}{12316}Back to the bar.
{12320}{12365}You should join|the Flying Corps, George.
{12369}{12408}That's the way to fight a war.
{12412}{12471}Tasty tuck, soft beds|and a uniform so smart {12474}{12525}It's got a Ph.D.
From Cambridge.
{12529}{12587}You could even bring|the breath monster here.
{12590}{12620}Anyone can be a navigator {12625}{12644}If he can tell his arse from his elbow.
{12649}{12699}Well, that's Baldrick out,|I fear...
{12703}{12748}We're always looking|for talented types {12751}{12772}To join the Twenty-Minuters.
{12777}{12812}And there goes George.
{12817}{12858}Tally ho, then, Bobby.
{12862}{12904}Hush, here comes a whiz-bang {12908}{12952}and I think you know|what I'm talking about!
{12955}{12995}- Woof!|- Woof!
{13000}{13061}God, it's like crufts in here!
{13064}{13153}I say, sir, what a splendid notion.|The Twenty-Minuters.
{13155}{13228}Soft tucker, tasty beds,|fluffy uniforms.
{13230}{13254}Begging your permission, sir, {13259}{13308}but why do they call them|the Twenty Minuters?
{13312}{13339}Ah, now, yes, {13344}{13404}Now this one is in my brooke bond|"Book Of The Air."
{13407}{13448}Now, you have to collect|all the cards {13452}{13520}and then stick them into this|wonderful presentation booklet.
{13523}{13540}Er...
{13545}{13584}Ah, here we are, Twenty-Minuters.
{13588}{13632}Oh, damn!
Haven't got the card yet.
{13636}{13682}Ah, but the caption says "Twenty minutes {13686}{13763}"is the average amount of time|new pilots spend in the air."
{13765}{13812}- Twenty minutes.|- That's right, sir.
{13816}{13874}I had a twenty-hour watch yesterday, {13877}{13938}With four hours overtime,|in two feet of water.
{13941}{13993}Well then, for goodness sake, sir,|why don't we join?
{13997}{14058}Yeah, be better than just|sitting around here all day {14061}{14105}on our elbows.
{14109}{14161}No, thank you.|No, thank you.
{14165}{14205}I have no desire to hang around {14209}{14257}With a bunch of upper-class delinquents, {14260}{14288}do twenty minutes work, {14293}{14353}and then spend the rest of|the day loafing about in Paris, {14356}{14397}drinking gallons of champagne {14401}{14439}and having dozens of moist, pink, {14443}{14514}highly-experienced young|French peasant girls {14517}{14568}galloping up and down my...
{14572}{14623}Hang on.
{14651}{14721}Come!
{14741}{14773}Ah, Captain Blackadder.
{14777}{14801}Good morning, Captain Darling.
{14806}{14832}What do you want?
{14836}{14879}You're looking so well.
{14883}{14910}I'm a busy man, Blackadder.
{14915}{14934}Let's hear it, whatever it is.
{14939}{15025}Well, you know, Darling, every man...
{15027}{15066}Every man has a dream...
{15070}{15094}Hmmm...
{15099}{15119}and when I was a small boy, {15124}{15161}I used to watch the marsh warblers {15165}{15223}swooping in my mothers undercroft, {15226}{15252}and I remember thinking, {15257}{15311}'will men ever dare do the same?
' {15314}{15334}And you know...
{15339}{15387}Oh, you want to join|the Royal Flying Corps?
{15391}{15437}Oh, that's a thought.
{15441}{15484}- Could I?|- No, you couldn't!
{15488}{15515}Good-bye!
{15519}{15596}Look, come on, Darling,|just give me an application form.
{15599}{15621}It's out of the question.
{15626}{15658}This is simply a ruse {15662}{15671}to waste five months of training {15677}{15724}after which you'll claim you can't fly after all {15727}{15768}because it makes your ears go "pop".
{15772}{15805}Come on, I wasn't born yesterday,|Blackadder.
{15810}{15835}More's the pity, {15840}{15911}we could have started|your personality from scratch.
{15913}{15972}So, the training period|is five months, is it?
{15976}{16033}It's no concern of yours if it's five years {16036}{16078}and comes with a free holiday in Tunisia, {16082}{16125}contraceptives supplied.
{16129}{16155}Besides, they wouldn't admit you.
{16160}{16197}It's not easy getting transfers, you know.
{16201}{16236}Oh, you've tried it yourself,|have you?
{16240}{16280}No, I haven't.
{16284}{16348}Trust you to try and skive off|to some cushy option.
{16351}{16379}There's nothing cushy {16384}{16485}about life in the Womens'|Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
{16486}{16523}...And then the bishop said, {16527}{16591}{y:i}I'm awfully sorry, I didn't realize|{y:i}you meant organist.
{16665}{16689}Thank you, George.
{16694}{16735}At ease, everybody.|Now, where's my map?
{16739}{16771}- Come on.|- Sir!
{16776}{16842}Thank you.
{16840}{16942}God, it's a barren,|featureless desert out there, isn't it?
{16943}{17012}The other side, sir!
{17017}{17040}Hello, George.
{17045}{17075}What are you doing here?
{17079}{17131}Me, sir?
I just popped in|to join the Royal Flying Corps.
{17135}{17194}Hello, Blackadder.|What are you doing here?
{17197}{17251}Me, sir?
I just popped in|to join the Royal Flying Corps.
{17255}{17282}And, of course, I said...
{17286}{17325}Bravo, I hope, Darling.
{17329}{17369}Because, you know,|I've always had my doubts {17374}{17419}about you trenchy-type fellows.
{17422}{17466}Always suspected there might|be a bit too much {17470}{17514}of the battle-dodging,|nappy-wearing, {17518}{17543}I'd-rather-have-a-cup-of-tea- {17548}{17592}Than-charge-stark-naked-|at-Jerry about you.
{17596}{17659}But if you're willing to join|the Twenty-Minuters, {17662}{17743}Then you're all right by me|and welcome to marry my sister any day.
{17745}{17774}Are you sure about this, sir?
{17779}{17824}Certainly, you should hear|the noise she makes {17828}{17880}when she eats a boiled egg.
{17883}{17921}Be glad to get her out of the house.
{17925}{17994}So, report back here 09:00 hours|for your basic training.
{17997}{18061}Crikey!
I'm looking forward to today.
{18064}{18113}Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down, {18117}{18153}Whoops-poop, twiddly-dee.
{18157}{18222}Decent scrap with the fiendish Red Baron, {18225}{18276}a bit of a jolly old crash landing|behind enemy lines, {18280}{18315}capture, torture, escape {18319}{18397}and then back home|in time for tea and medals.
{18400}{18520}George, who's using the family brain-cell|at the moment?
{18520}{18573}This is just the beginning of the training.
{18577}{18612}The beginning of five long months {18616}{18699}of very clever, very dull men|looking at machinery.
{18702}{18740}Flashheart:|Hey, girls!
Look at my machinery!
{18777}{18820}Enter a man who has no underwear.
{18824}{18850}Ask me why.
{18855}{18900}Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?
{18904}{18978}Because the pants haven't been built yet|that can take the job on.
{18980}{19082}And that's the type of guy who's doing|the training around here.
{19084}{19114}Sit down!
{19118}{19162}Well, well, well, well, well.
{19166}{19228}If it isn't old Captain Slack Bladder.
{19231}{19271}Blackadder.
{19275}{19321}Couldn't resist it, eh, Slack Bladder?
{19325}{19365}Told you you thought I was great.
{19369}{19450}All right men, let's dooooo it!
{19453}{19506}The first thing to remember is: {19509}{19599}Always treat your kite|like you treat your woman.
{19601}{19635}How...
how do you mean, sir?
{19640}{19668}Do you mean...
{19672}{19733}Do you mean take her home at weekends|to meet your mother?
{19736}{19787}No, I mean get|inside her five times a day {19791}{19878}and take her to heaven and back!
{19934}{19978}I'm beginning to see why {19982}{20027}the Suffragette Movement want the vote.
{20030}{20050}Hey, hey!
{20055}{20118}any bird who wants to chain|herself to my railings {20122}{20172}and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!
{20175}{20204}Er, right.
{20209}{20262}Well, I'll see you|in ten minutes for take-off.
{20265}{20316}Hang on, hang on!
{20320}{20353}What about the months of training?
{20357}{20385}Hey, wet-pants!
{20390}{20428}This isn't the Women's Auxiliary|Balloon Corps.
{20432}{20483}You're in the Twenty-Minuters now.
{20487}{20513}Er, sir...
{20517}{20537}Sir!
Prat at the back!
{20542}{20598}I think we'd all be intrigued to know {20602}{20652}why you're called the Twenty-Minuters.
{20655}{20698}Oh, Mister Thicko.
{20702}{20748}Imagine not knowing that.
{20752}{20791}Well, it's simple!
{20795}{20858}The average life expectancy for a new pilot|is twenty minutes.
{20861}{20890}Ah...
{20895}{21004}Life expectancy...
of twenty minutes.
{21005}{21029}That's right.
{21034}{21079}Goggles on, chocks away,|last one back's a homo!
{21083}{21102}Hurray!
{21106}{21176}Hurray!
{21187}{21269}So, we take off in ten minutes, {21271}{21327}we're in the air for twenty minutes, {21331}{21415}which means we should be dead|by twenty-five to ten.
{21417}{21441}Hairy blighters, sir.
{21446}{21510}This is a bit of a turn-up|for the plus fours.
{21513}{21559}I shouldn't worry about it|too much, Blackadder.
{21563}{21650}Flying's all about navigation.
{21674}{21718}As long as you've got a good navigator, {21722}{21752}I'm sure you'll be fine.
{22022}{22073}Actually, they're right.
This is a doddle.
{22077}{22097}Careful, sir!
{22102}{22146}Whoops, whoops, a little wobble there.
{22150}{22176}I'll get the hang of it, don't worry.
{22181}{22227}All right, Baldrick,|how many rounds have we got?
{22230}{22253}Er, five hundred, sir.
{22258}{22309}Cheese and tomato for you,|rat for me.
{22313}{22379}Tally-bally ho!
{22382}{22442}What's this, sir?
{22445}{22481}Baldrick!
Baldrick!
{22485}{22546}Will you stop arsing about|and get back in the plane!
{22549}{22585}Ooh, ooh, ooh!
{22590}{22666}Hey, sir, I can see a pretty|red plane from up here.
{22668}{22696}Ha ha!
{22701}{22717}Woo woo!
{22722}{22815}{y:i}Schnell!
Da unten!
|Ha ha ha!
{22817}{22841}Oh, no!
{22846}{22908}Watch out, Baldrick,|it's stood right on our tail.
{22911}{22996}Yes, now this is developing|into a distinctly boring situation, {22998}{23027}but we're still on our side of the line {23031}{23117}So I'll crash-land and claim my ears went|"pop" first time out.
{23120}{23191}- Ooh, let's hope we fall on something soft!|- Fine.
{23193}{23288}I'll try and aim between|General Melchett's ears!
{23290}{23392}I don't believe it.|A German prison cell.
{23394}{23446}For two and a half years|the western front has been {23449}{23551}as likely to move as a Frenchman|who lives next door to a brothel, {23553}{23597}and last night the Germans advance a mile {23601}{23650}and we land on the wrong side.
{23653}{23734}Ooh, dear, Captain B,|my tummy's gone all squirty.
{23737}{23777}That's because you're scared, Baldrick, {23781}{23837}and you're not the only one.|I couldn't be more petrified {23840}{23934}if a wild rhinoceros had just come home|from a hard day at the swamp {23936}{23976}and found me wearing his pyjamas, {23980}{24065}smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife.
{24067}{24118}I've heard what these Germans will do, sir.
{24122}{24197}They'll have their wicked way|with anything of woman born.
{24199}{24263}Well, in that case,|Baldrick, you're quite safe.
{24266}{24365}However, the teutonic reputation|for brutality is well-founded...
{24367}{24444}Their operas last three or four days, {24447}{24508}and they have no word for "fluffy".
{24511}{24555}I want my mum!
{24559}{24603}Yes, it'd be good to see her.
{24607}{24653}I should imagine|a maternally-outraged gorilla {24656}{24772}could be a useful ally when it comes|to the final scrap.
{24807}{24839}Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick.
{24843}{24880}Or as close as you can come to a man {24884}{24999}without actually shaving|the palms of your hands.
{25009}{25054}Good evening.
{25058}{25112}I am Oberleutnant Von Gerhardt.
{25115}{25177}I have a message from|the Baron Von Richthoven...
{25181}{25234}The greatest living German.
{25237}{25277}Which, considering his competition consists {25281}{25337}entirely of very fat men in leather shorts, {25341}{25407}burping to the tune of|{y:i}She'll Be Coming 'Round The Mountain, {25410}{25441}is no great achievement.
{25445}{25522}Quiet!
{25531}{25567}And what is your message?
{25571}{25708}It is: "Prepare for a fate worse than death,|English flying fellow."
{25708}{25727}Oh.
{25732}{25797}So, it's the traditional|warm German welcome.
{25800}{25824}Correct.
{25829}{25922}Also, he is saying, "Do not try to escape|or you will suffer even worse."
{25924}{25994}"a fate worse|than a fate worse than death."
{25997}{26043}That's pretty bad.
{26047}{26088}Yes, well, you see, {26092}{26132}It's all very well for you, isn't it, {26136}{26198}Sitting here behind yer, behind yer,|behind yer comfy desk!
{26201}{26231}Don't you take that tone|with me, Lieutenant, {26235}{26276}or I'll have you on a charge|for insubordination.
{26281}{26322}Well, I'd rather be|on a charge for insubordination {26326}{26351}than on a charge of deserting a friend.
{26355}{26391}How dare you talk to me like that!
{26395}{26422}How dare I?
{26427}{26473}Now, then, now then,|now, now, then, now then, {26477}{26524}now then, then now...
{26528}{26575}Now then, what's going on here?
{26578}{26628}That damn fool Blackadder|has crashed his plane {26632}{26658}behind enemy lines, sir.
{26663}{26709}This young idiot wants to go|and try rescue him.
{26713}{26757}It's a total waste of men and equipment.
{26761}{26807}He's not a damn fool, sir, he's a bally hero.
{26810}{26837}All right.
All right.
{26842}{26865}I'll deal with this, Darling.
{26870}{26911}Delicate touch needed, I fancy.
{26915}{26965}Now, George, {26968}{27028}Do you remember when I came down|to visit you when you were a nipper {27032}{27056}for your sixth birthday?
{27060}{27095}You used to have a lovely little rabbit...
{27100}{27129}Beautiful little thing.
Do you remember?
{27133}{27185}- Flossy.|- That's right, Flossy.
{27189}{27233}Do you remember|what happened to Flossy?
{27237}{27295}- You shot him.|- That's right.
{27298}{27333}It was the kindest thing to do {27337}{27372}after he'd been run over by that car.
{27377}{27468}- By your car, sir.|- Yes, by my car.
{27470}{27514}But that too was an act of mercy {27517}{27573}when you would remember that|that dog had been set on him.
{27577}{27646}- Your dog, sir.|- Yes, yes, my dog.
{27649}{27684}But what I'm trying to say, George, {27688}{27731}is that the state young flossy was in {27735}{27777}after we'd scraped him off my front tire {27781}{27887}is very much the state that|young Blackadder will be in now.
{27888}{27957}If not very nearly dead,|then very actually dead.
{27960}{28110}- Permission for lip to wobble, sir?|- Permission granted.
{28124}{28156}Stout fellow.
{28160}{28189}But surely, sir, you must allow me {28194}{28214}to at least try and save him.
{28219}{28243}No, George.
{28248}{28288}It would be as pointless|as trying to teach a woman {28292}{28349}the value of a good,|forward defensive stroke.
{28352}{28429}Besides, it would take a superman|to get him out of there, {28432}{28474}not the kind of weed who blubs {28478}{28574}just because somebody gives him|a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.
{28575}{28614}Well, I suppose you're right, sir.
{28618}{28646}'Course I am.
{28651}{28702}Now, let's talk about something|more jolly, shall we?
{28706}{28773}Look, this is the amount of land|we've recaptured since yesterday.
{28776}{28801}Oh, excellent.
{28805}{28881}Um, what is the actual|scale of this map, Darling?
{28884}{28984}- Um, one-to-one, sir.|- Come again?
{28985}{29092}Er, the map is actually life-size, sir.|It's superbly detailed.
{29094}{29130}- Look, there's a little worm.|- Oh, yes.
{29134}{29193}So the actual amount|of land retaken is...
?
{29196}{29276}Excuse me, sir.
{29282}{29321}Seventeen square feet, sir.
{29326}{29341}- Excellent.
{29346}{29427}So you see, young Blackadder|didn't die horribly in vain after all.
{29429}{29462}If he did die, sir.
{29466}{29485}Tch!
{29490}{29522}That's the spirit, George.
{29527}{29586}If nothing else works, then a total|pig-headed unwillingness {29589}{29695}to look facts in the face|will see us through.
{29761}{29791}So!
{29796}{29872}I am the Red Baron von Richthoven {29875}{29940}and you are the two English flying aces {29943}{30018}responsible for the spilling|of the precious German blood {30020}{30138}of many of my finest|and my blondest friends.
{30139}{30277}I have waited many months to do this.
{30355}{30400}You may have been right, Balders.
{30403}{30474}Looks like we're going to get|rogered to death after all.
{30477}{30544}Do you want me to go first, sir?
{30547}{30585}Ha ha ha ha!
{30589}{30648}You English and your sense of humour.
{30652}{30737}During your brief stay, I look forward|to learning more of your wit, {30739}{30858}your punning and your amusing jokes|about the breaking of the wind.
{30859}{30952}- Well, Baldrick's the expert there.|- I certainly am, sir.
{30989}{31082}How lucky you English are|to find the toilet so amusing.
{31084}{31165}For us, it is a mundane|and functional item.
{31167}{31302}For you, the basis of an entire culture.
{31338}{31411}I must now tell you of the full horror|of what awaits you.
{31413}{31447}Ah, you see, Balders.
{31452}{31502}dress it up in any amount|of pompous verbal diarrhoea, {31505}{31551}and the message is "squareheads down {31555}{31605}"for the big boche gang-bang."
{31609}{31670}As an officer and a gentleman, {31673}{31748}you will be looking forward|to a quick and noble death.
{31751}{31779}Well, obviously.
{31783}{31882}But, instead, an even worse fate|awaits you.
{31884}{31939}Tomorrow you will be|taken back to Germany...
{31942}{31961}Here it comes!
{31966}{32062}...to a convent school outside Heidelberg, {32064}{32127}where you will spend the rest of the war {32130}{32240}teaching the young girls home economics.
{32241}{32276}Er...
{32280}{32315}For you, as a man of honor, {32320}{32418}the humiliation will be unbearable!
{32419}{32485}Oh, I think you'll find we're tougher|than you imagine.
{32488}{32606}Ha!
I can tell how much|you are suffering by your long feces.
{32607}{32682}We're not suffering too much|to say thank you."
{32685}{32704}Thank you.
{32709}{32731}Say thank you, Baldrick.
{32736}{32760}Thank you, Baldrick.
{32764}{32862}How amusing.
But now, forgive me.
{32864}{32940}I must take to the skies once again.
{32943}{32967}Very funny.
{32971}{33033}The noble Lord Flashheart still eludes me.
{33036}{33082}I think you'll find he's overrated.
{33086}{33116}Bad breath and...
{33121}{33154}impotent, they say.
{33158}{33223}Sexual innuendo.
{33226}{33249}Ha ha ha ha!
{33254}{33279}But enough of this.
{33284}{33433}As you say in England, I must fly.|Ha ha ha ha!
{33432}{33495}Perhaps I will master|this humour after all, ja?
{33498}{33547}I wouldn't be too optimistic.
{33551}{33603}Oh, and the little fellow, {33607}{33667}If you get lonely in the night,|I'm in the old chateau.
{33670}{33752}There's no pressure.
{33750}{33830}Ha ha ha ha!|Pratfall!
{33833}{33867}Is it really true, sir?
{33871}{33915}Is the war really over for us?
{33919}{33944}Yup!
{33949}{34016}Out of the war and teaching nuns|how to boil eggs.
{34019}{34068}For us, the great war is finito.
{34071}{34123}A war that would be|a damn sight simpler {34127}{34153}if we'd just stayed in England {34157}{34207}and shot fifty thousand of our men a week.
{34211}{34299}No more mud, death,|rats, bombs, shrapnel, {34301}{34370}whiz-bangs, barbed wire|and those bloody awful songs {34373}{34435}that have the word "whoops" in the title.
{34438}{34496}Oh, damn!|He's...
he's left the door open.
{34500}{34530}Oh, good!
We can escape, sir.
{34534}{34567}Are you mad, Baldrick?
{34571}{34615}I'll find someone to lock it for us.
{34619}{34663}Ssh!
Keep-ee!
Mum's the word!
{34667}{34732}Not 'arf, or what?
{34751}{34833}Sir, why did you just slam the door|on Lieutenant George?
{34835}{34897}I can't believe it.
Go away!
{34900}{34926}It's me.
It's me.
{34931}{34975}But what the hell|are you doing here?
{34979}{35023}Oh, never mind the hows and the whys {35027}{35071}and the do-you-mind- If-I-don'ts.
{35074}{35127}But it would have taken|a superman to get in here.
{35131}{35174}Well, it's funny you should say that, {35178}{35215}because as it happens|I did have some help {35219}{35253}from a rather spiffing bloke.
{35257}{35331}He's taken a break from|some crucial top-level shagging.
{35334}{35419}It...
it's me, hurray!
{35421}{35487}Hurray!
{35504}{35536}God's potatoes, George.
{35540}{35587}You said Noble Brother Flyers|were in the lurch.
{35591}{35629}If I'd known you meant Old Slack Bladder {35633}{35681}and the mound of|the Hound Of The Baskervilles, {35685}{35763}I'd probably have let them|stew in their own juice.
{35765}{35796}And let me tell you,|if I ever tried that, {35801}{35833}I'd probably drown.
{35885}{35911}Oh!
{35916}{36016}Still, since I'm here,|I may as well "doooo" it.
{36017}{36053}As the bishop said|to the netball team, {36057}{36138}{y:i}Come on, chums!
{36165}{36239}Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
{36241}{36261}Come on.
{36266}{36297}Yes, yes.|Look, I'm sorry, chaps, {36302}{36352}But I've splintered my pancreas.
{36355}{36413}Erm, and I seem to have|this terrible cough.
{36417}{36450}C- Guards!|C- Guards!
{36454}{36498}Wait, wait,|wait, wait, {36502}{36529}wait a minute.
{36534}{36601}Now, I may be packing the kind of tackle {36604}{36654}that you'd normally|expect to find swinging about {36657}{36739}between the hind legs|of a Grand National winner, {36742}{36787}But I'm not totally stupid, {36790}{36838}and I've got the kind of feeling {36842}{36869}you'd rather we hadn't come.
{36874}{36908}No, no, no, I'm very grateful.
{36912}{36941}It's just that I'd slow you up.
{36946}{36987}I think I'm beginning to understand.
{36991}{37014}Are...
are you?
{37019}{37094}Just because I can give multiple orgasms {37096}{37156}to the furniture just by "sitting" on it, {37159}{37241}doesn't mean that I'm not|sick of this damn war: {37244}{37365}The blood, the noise, the endless poetry.
{37365}{37418}Is that really what you think, Flashheart?
{37422}{37446}Course it's not what I think.
{37451}{37478}Now get out that door {37482}{37538}before I redecorate that wall|an interesting new colour {37542}{37569}called "hint of brain."
{37573}{37597}Excellent.
Well, that's clear.
{37602}{37650}Let's get back to that lovely war, then!
{37654}{37724}- Woof!
Woof!|- Bark!
{37746}{37794}Not so fast, Blackadder.
{37797}{37863}Oh, damn!
Foiled again!|What bad luck!
{37866}{37975}Ah, and the Lord Flashheart.|This is indeed an honor.
{37977}{38071}Finally, the two greatest gentleman flyers|in the world meet.
{38072}{38137}Two men of honor,|who have jousted together {38141}{38210}in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies, {38212}{38254}face to face at last.
{38258}{38337}How often I have rehearsed|this moment of destiny in my dreams.
{38340}{38458}The opportunity to encapsulate|the unspoken nobility of our comradeship...
{38490}{38535}What a poof!
{38539}{38610}Come on!
{38697}{38759}Oh!
Oh!
{38763}{38822}- Hello, Darling.|- Good lord.
{38826}{38857}Captain Blackadder,|I thought you were...
{38861}{38907}- Playing tennis?|- No.
{38911}{38981}- Dead?|- Well, yes, unfortunately.
{38984}{39045}Well, I had a lucky escape,|no thanks to you.
{39048}{39082}This is a friend of mine.
{39086}{39118}Argh!
{39123}{39161}Hi, cretin.
{39165}{39202}Flashheart, this is captain Darling.
{39206}{39232}Captain Darling?
{39237}{39282}Funny name for a guy, isn't it?
{39286}{39403}Last person I called "darling"|was pregnant twenty seconds later.
{39403}{39463}Hear you couldn't be bothered|to help old slacky here.
{39467}{39512}Er, well, it...
It wasn't quite that, sir.
{39515}{39549}It's just that we weighed up|the pros and cons, {39554}{39624}and decided it wasn't a reasonable use|of our time and resources.
{39627}{39651}Well, this isn't a reasonable use {39655}{39711}of my time and resources,|but I'm going to do it anyway.
{39715}{39732}What?
{39737}{39832}- This!|- Oh!
{39906}{39932}All right, slacky!
{39937}{39980}All right, slacky!
I've got to fly.
{39984}{40050}Two million chicks,|only one Flashheart.
{40053}{40110}And remember, if you|want something, take it.
{40113}{40159}Bobby!
{40163}{40187}My lord!
{40192}{40203}I want something!
{40208}{40273}- Take it!|- Woof!
{40276}{40325}Git!
{40329}{40389}- Ah, Blackadder, so you escaped.|- Yes, sir.
{40392}{40411}Bravo!
{40416}{40460}Don't slouch, Darling.
{40464}{40489}I was wondering whether, {40494}{40557}having been tortured by the most|vicious sadist of the German army, {40560}{40604}I might be allowed|a week's leave to recuperate.
{40608}{40632}Excellent idea.
{40637}{40722}Your commanding officer would|have to be stark raving mad to refuse you.
{40724}{40771}"You" are my commanding officer.
{40774}{40800}Well?
{40805}{40852}Can I have a week's leave to recuperate, sir?
{40856}{40884}Certainly not!
{40889}{40962}- Thank you, sir.|- Baaaaaah!
{41905}{42105}Ripped with SubRip 1.10 and Verified by CdinT|(Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net) {42098}{42237}I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it!
:D
{873}{995}Eyes...
right!
{1117}{1195}Eyes right!
{1805}{1870}God, why do they bother?!
{1873}{1933}Well, it's to kill Jerry, Isn't it, sir?
{1936}{2009}Yes, but Jerry is safe underground|in concrete bunkers.
{2011}{2089}We've shot off over a million cannon|shellsand what's the result?
{2092}{2161}One dachshund with a slight limp!
{2164}{2218}Shut up!
{2221}{2251}Thank you!
{2256}{2304}Right, I'm off to bed|where I intend to sleep {2308}{2420}until my name changes|to Rip Van Adder.
{2660}{2692}Aah...
{2779}{2826}Oh, God!
Bloody Germans!
{2830}{2862}They can't take a joke, can they?
{2866}{2913}Just because we take|a few pot-shots at them, {2917}{2975}they have to have an air-raid|to get their own back.
{2978}{3009}Where are our air force?
{3014}{3126}They're meant to defend us|against this sort of thing.
{3121}{3194}Right, that's it!
{3223}{3256}Hello?
{3260}{3304}Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a message {3308}{3355}for the head of the Flying Corps, please.
{3359}{3438}That's Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh|Massingbird-Massingbird, {3440}{3477}VC, DFC and BAR.
{3481}{3550}Message reads: "Where are you,|you bastard?"
{3553}{3598}Here I am, sir.
{3602}{3639}For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.
{3643}{3664}Why's that, sir?
{3669}{3696}Because there's an air-raid going on {3701}{3766}And I don't want to have to write|to your mother at London Zoo {3769}{3854}and tell her that|her only human child is dead.
{3856}{3884}All right, sir.
{3888}{3937}It's just that I didn't know|there was an air-raid on.
{3941}{4030}I couldn't hear anything|over the noise of the terrific display {4032}{4100}by our wonderful boys|of the Royal Flying Corps, sir.
{4103}{4123}What?
{4128}{4172}I say, those chaps can't half thunder {4176}{4245}in their airborne steeds, can't they just?
{4248}{4304}Oh, hello, what's going on here?|Game of hide and seek?
{4307}{4330}Excellent!
{4335}{4369}Right now, I'll go and count to a hundred.
{4373}{4411}Er, no.
Better make it five, actually.
{4415}{4449}George...
Oh, it's sardines.
{4454}{4499}Oh, excellent!|That's my favourite one, that.
{4503}{4527}- George.|- Yes, sir?
{4531}{4589}Shut up, and never say anything again|as long as you live.
{4593}{4638}Right you are, sir.
{4642}{4686}Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.
{4689}{4743}Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.
{4747}{4788}How we cheered when they spun.
{4792}{4827}How we shouted when they dived.
{4831}{4912}How we applauded when one chap|got sliced in half by his own propeller.
{4915}{4957}Well, it's all part of the joke {4961}{5013}for those magnificent men|in their flying machines.
{5057}{5138}For "magnificent men," read|"biggest show-offs" since Lady Godiva {5141}{5253}"entered the royal enclosure at|Ascotclaiming she had literally nothing to|wear."
{5254}{5298}I don't care how many times {5302}{5349}they go up-diddly-up-up, they're still gits!
{5353}{5442}Oh, come on, sir!
I'd love to be a flier.
{5444}{5494}Up there where the air is clear.
{5497}{5623}The chances of the air being clear|anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero!
{5624}{5712}Oh, sir.
It'd be great,|swooping and diving.
{5757}{5781}Baldrick.
{5845}{5910}Baldrick.
{5925}{5969}Baldrick, what are you doing?
{5972}{6028}I'm a Sopwith Camel, sir.
{6032}{6063}Oh, it is a Sopwith Camel.
{6067}{6090}Ah, right, I always get confused {6095}{6136}between the sound of a Sopwith Camel {6140}{6209}and the sound of a malodorous runt|wasting everybody's time.
{6212}{6276}Now, if you can do without me|in the nursery for a while, {6279}{6359}I'm going to get some fresh air.
{6408}{6457}Ha!
Eat knuckle, Fritz!
{6461}{6506}Ooh!
{6510}{6535}How disgusting.
{6540}{6586}A boche on the sole of my boot.
{6590}{6640}I shall have to find a patch of grass|to wipe it on.
{6643}{6681}Probably get shunned|in the officers' mess.
{6685}{6710}Sorry about the pong, you fellows, {6715}{6784}Trod in a boche and can't get rid of the whiff.
{6787}{6819}Do you think we could dispense {6823}{6890}with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor|for a moment?
{6893}{6912}I'm not a boche.
{6917}{6965}- This is a British trench.|- Is it?
{6969}{6999}Oh, that's a piece of luck.
{7003}{7071}Thought I'd landed sausage-side!
Ha!
{7074}{7104}Mind if I use your phone?
{7109}{7142}If word gets out that I'm missing, {7146}{7187}five hundred girls will kill themselves.
{7191}{7231}I wouldn't want them on my conscience, {7235}{7322}not when they ought to be on my face!
{7358}{7396}Hi, Flashheart here.
{7400}{7432}Yeah, cancel the state funeral, {7437}{7511}tell the king to stop blubbing.|Flash is "not" dead.
{7513}{7549}I simply ran out of "juice!"
{7553}{7611}Yeah, and before all the girls start saying, {7615}{7647}{y:i}Oh, what's the point of living anymore, {7651}{7722}I'm talking about petrol!
Woof, woof!
{7725}{7781}Yeah, I dumped the kite|on the proles, so send a car.
{7784}{7820}General Melchett's driver should do.
{7825}{7857}She hangs around with the big nobs, {7861}{7921}so she'll be used to a fellow like me!|Woof, woof!
{7924}{7997}Look, do you think you could make|your obscene phone call somewhere else?
{8000}{8103}No, not in half an hour,|you rubber-desk johnny.
{8104}{8198}Send the bitch with the wheels right now,|or I'll fly back to England {8200}{8301}and give your wife something|to hang her towels on.
{8302}{8340}Okay, dig out your best booze {8344}{8399}and let's talk about me 'til the car comes.
{8402}{8478}You must be pretty impressed having|squadron commander The Lord Flashheart {8481}{8532}drop in on your squalid bit of line.
{8536}{8565}Actually, no.
{8569}{8614}I was more impressed by the contents|of my handkerchief {8618}{8646}the last time I blew my nose.
{8650}{8710}Yeah, like hell.
{8714}{8735}Huh, huh.
{8740}{8782}You've probably got little piccies of me {8786}{8839}on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?
{8842}{8912}I bet you go all girly and giggly|every time you "look at me"!
{8915}{8935}I'm afraid not.
{8940}{9002}Unfortunately, most of the infantry|think you're a prat.
{9005}{9048}Ask them who they'd prefer to meet, {9052}{9102}Squadron Commander Flashheart {9106}{9170}and the man who cleans out|the public toilets in Aberdeen, {9173}{9303}and they'd go for Wee Jock|"Poo-Pong" Mcplop every time.
{9301}{9355}Ha ha ha ha!
{9419}{9476}So when that fellow looped-the-loop, {9479}{9536}I honestly thought that, that, that...
{9540}{9562}My God!
{9566}{9616}Yes, I suppose I am.
{9620}{9657}Lord Flashheart, {9661}{9707}this is the greatest honor of my life.
{9711}{9780}I hope I snuff it right now|to preserve this moment forever.
{9783}{9841}It could be arranged.
{9844}{9907}Lord Flashheart, I want to learn to write {9910}{9985}so I can send a letter home|about this golden moment.
{9988}{10042}So all the fellows hate me, eh?
{10046}{10070}Not a bit of it.
{10074}{10110}I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scout?
{10115}{10144}Jesus!
{10148}{10273}My lord, I've got every cigarette card|they ever printed of you.
{10274}{10324}My whole family took up smoking {10327}{10376}just so that we could get the whole set.
{10380}{10467}My grandmother smoked herself to death {10469}{10501}so we could afford the album.
{10505}{10550}Of course she did, of course she did, {10554}{10637}The poor love-crazed old octogenarian.
{10640}{10670}Well, all right, you fellows.
{10674}{10737}Let's sit us down and yarn about|how amazingly attractive I am.
{10740}{10775}Yes, would you excuse me|for a moment?
{10780}{10824}I've got some urgent business.
{10827}{10893}There's a bucket outside|I've got to be sick into.
{10896}{10951}Yooo-hooo!
{10955}{11019}All right, you chaps,|let's get comfy.
{11022}{11067}You look like a decent British bloke.
{11071}{11117}I'll park the old booties|on you if that's okay.
{11121}{11158}It would be an honor, my lord.
{11162}{11231}Of course it would!
Ha!
{11234}{11286}Ah...
Have you any idea|what it's like {11289}{11347}to have the wind|rushing through your hair?
{11351}{11367}No, sir.
{11424}{11528}He has!
Lucky devil!
{11530}{11574}So I flew straight|through her bedroom window, {11578}{11621}popped a box of chocs|on the dressing table, {11625}{11669}machine-gunned my telephone|number into the wall, {11673}{11723}and then shot off and shagged her sister.
{11726}{11748}Ahem.
{11753}{11826}Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, my lord.
{11829}{11860}Well, well, well.
{11864}{11909}If it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst...
{11913}{11958}Saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.
{11962}{11993}I've come to pick you up.
{11997}{12029}Well, that's how like my girls...
{12034}{12086}direct and to my point.
Woof!
{12089}{12107}Woof!
{12245}{12282}Ah!
Tally ho, then!
{12286}{12316}Back to the bar.
{12320}{12365}You should join|the Flying Corps, George.
{12369}{12408}That's the way to fight a war.
{12412}{12471}Tasty tuck, soft beds|and a uniform so smart {12474}{12525}It's got a Ph.D.
From Cambridge.
{12529}{12587}You could even bring|the breath monster here.
{12590}{12620}Anyone can be a navigator {12625}{12644}If he can tell his arse from his elbow.
{12649}{12699}Well, that's Baldrick out,|I fear...
{12703}{12748}We're always looking|for talented types {12751}{12772}To join the Twenty-Minuters.
{12777}{12812}And there goes George.
{12817}{12858}Tally ho, then, Bobby.
{12862}{12904}Hush, here comes a whiz-bang {12908}{12952}and I think you know|what I'm talking about!
{12955}{12995}- Woof!|- Woof!
{13000}{13061}God, it's like crufts in here!
{13064}{13153}I say, sir, what a splendid notion.|The Twenty-Minuters.
{13155}{13228}Soft tucker, tasty beds,|fluffy uniforms.
{13230}{13254}Begging your permission, sir, {13259}{13308}but why do they call them|the Twenty Minuters?
{13312}{13339}Ah, now, yes, {13344}{13404}Now this one is in my brooke bond|"Book Of The Air."
{13407}{13448}Now, you have to collect|all the cards {13452}{13520}and then stick them into this|wonderful presentation booklet.
{13523}{13540}Er...
{13545}{13584}Ah, here we are, Twenty-Minuters.
{13588}{13632}Oh, damn!
Haven't got the card yet.
{13636}{13682}Ah, but the caption says "Twenty minutes {13686}{13763}"is the average amount of time|new pilots spend in the air."
{13765}{13812}- Twenty minutes.|- That's right, sir.
{13816}{13874}I had a twenty-hour watch yesterday, {13877}{13938}With four hours overtime,|in two feet of water.
{13941}{13993}Well then, for goodness sake, sir,|why don't we join?
{13997}{14058}Yeah, be better than just|sitting around here all day {14061}{14105}on our elbows.
{14109}{14161}No, thank you.|No, thank you.
{14165}{14205}I have no desire to hang around {14209}{14257}With a bunch of upper-class delinquents, {14260}{14288}do twenty minutes work, {14293}{14353}and then spend the rest of|the day loafing about in Paris, {14356}{14397}drinking gallons of champagne {14401}{14439}and having dozens of moist, pink, {14443}{14514}highly-experienced young|French peasant girls {14517}{14568}galloping up and down my...
{14572}{14623}Hang on.
{14651}{14721}Come!
{14741}{14773}Ah, Captain Blackadder.
{14777}{14801}Good morning, Captain Darling.
{14806}{14832}What do you want?
{14836}{14879}You're looking so well.
{14883}{14910}I'm a busy man, Blackadder.
{14915}{14934}Let's hear it, whatever it is.
{14939}{15025}Well, you know, Darling, every man...
{15027}{15066}Every man has a dream...
{15070}{15094}Hmmm...
{15099}{15119}and when I was a small boy, {15124}{15161}I used to watch the marsh warblers {15165}{15223}swooping in my mothers undercroft, {15226}{15252}and I remember thinking, {15257}{15311}'will men ever dare do the same?
' {15314}{15334}And you know...
{15339}{15387}Oh, you want to join|the Royal Flying Corps?
{15391}{15437}Oh, that's a thought.
{15441}{15484}- Could I?|- No, you couldn't!
{15488}{15515}Good-bye!
{15519}{15596}Look, come on, Darling,|just give me an application form.
{15599}{15621}It's out of the question.
{15626}{15658}This is simply a ruse {15662}{15671}to waste five months of training {15677}{15724}after which you'll claim you can't fly after all {15727}{15768}because it makes your ears go "pop".
{15772}{15805}Come on, I wasn't born yesterday,|Blackadder.
{15810}{15835}More's the pity, {15840}{15911}we could have started|your personality from scratch.
{15913}{15972}So, the training period|is five months, is it?
{15976}{16033}It's no concern of yours if it's five years {16036}{16078}and comes with a free holiday in Tunisia, {16082}{16125}contraceptives supplied.
{16129}{16155}Besides, they wouldn't admit you.
{16160}{16197}It's not easy getting transfers, you know.
{16201}{16236}Oh, you've tried it yourself,|have you?
{16240}{16280}No, I haven't.
{16284}{16348}Trust you to try and skive off|to some cushy option.
{16351}{16379}There's nothing cushy {16384}{16485}about life in the Womens'|Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
{16486}{16523}...And then the bishop said, {16527}{16591}{y:i}I'm awfully sorry, I didn't realize|{y:i}you meant organist.
{16665}{16689}Thank you, George.
{16694}{16735}At ease, everybody.|Now, where's my map?
{16739}{16771}- Come on.|- Sir!
{16776}{16842}Thank you.
{16840}{16942}God, it's a barren,|featureless desert out there, isn't it?
{16943}{17012}The other side, sir!
{17017}{17040}Hello, George.
{17045}{17075}What are you doing here?
{17079}{17131}Me, sir?
I just popped in|to join the Royal Flying Corps.
{17135}{17194}Hello, Blackadder.|What are you doing here?
{17197}{17251}Me, sir?
I just popped in|to join the Royal Flying Corps.
{17255}{17282}And, of course, I said...
{17286}{17325}Bravo, I hope, Darling.
{17329}{17369}Because, you know,|I've always had my doubts {17374}{17419}about you trenchy-type fellows.
{17422}{17466}Always suspected there might|be a bit too much {17470}{17514}of the battle-dodging,|nappy-wearing, {17518}{17543}I'd-rather-have-a-cup-of-tea- {17548}{17592}Than-charge-stark-naked-|at-Jerry about you.
{17596}{17659}But if you're willing to join|the Twenty-Minuters, {17662}{17743}Then you're all right by me|and welcome to marry my sister any day.
{17745}{17774}Are you sure about this, sir?
{17779}{17824}Certainly, you should hear|the noise she makes {17828}{17880}when she eats a boiled egg.
{17883}{17921}Be glad to get her out of the house.
{17925}{17994}So, report back here 09:00 hours|for your basic training.
{17997}{18061}Crikey!
I'm looking forward to today.
{18064}{18113}Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down, {18117}{18153}Whoops-poop, twiddly-dee.
{18157}{18222}Decent scrap with the fiendish Red Baron, {18225}{18276}a bit of a jolly old crash landing|behind enemy lines, {18280}{18315}capture, torture, escape {18319}{18397}and then back home|in time for tea and medals.
{18400}{18520}George, who's using the family brain-cell|at the moment?
{18520}{18573}This is just the beginning of the training.
{18577}{18612}The beginning of five long months {18616}{18699}of very clever, very dull men|looking at machinery.
{18702}{18740}Flashheart:|Hey, girls!
Look at my machinery!
{18777}{18820}Enter a man who has no underwear.
{18824}{18850}Ask me why.
{18855}{18900}Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?
{18904}{18978}Because the pants haven't been built yet|that can take the job on.
{18980}{19082}And that's the type of guy who's doing|the training around here.
{19084}{19114}Sit down!
{19118}{19162}Well, well, well, well, well.
{19166}{19228}If it isn't old Captain Slack Bladder.
{19231}{19271}Blackadder.
{19275}{19321}Couldn't resist it, eh, Slack Bladder?
{19325}{19365}Told you you thought I was great.
{19369}{19450}All right men, let's dooooo it!
{19453}{19506}The first thing to remember is: {19509}{19599}Always treat your kite|like you treat your woman.
{19601}{19635}How...
how do you mean, sir?
{19640}{19668}Do you mean...
{19672}{19733}Do you mean take her home at weekends|to meet your mother?
{19736}{19787}No, I mean get|inside her five times a day {19791}{19878}and take her to heaven and back!
{19934}{19978}I'm beginning to see why {19982}{20027}the Suffragette Movement want the vote.
{20030}{20050}Hey, hey!
{20055}{20118}any bird who wants to chain|herself to my railings {20122}{20172}and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!
{20175}{20204}Er, right.
{20209}{20262}Well, I'll see you|in ten minutes for take-off.
{20265}{20316}Hang on, hang on!
{20320}{20353}What about the months of training?
{20357}{20385}Hey, wet-pants!
{20390}{20428}This isn't the Women's Auxiliary|Balloon Corps.
{20432}{20483}You're in the Twenty-Minuters now.
{20487}{20513}Er, sir...
{20517}{20537}Sir!
Prat at the back!
{20542}{20598}I think we'd all be intrigued to know {20602}{20652}why you're called the Twenty-Minuters.
{20655}{20698}Oh, Mister Thicko.
{20702}{20748}Imagine not knowing that.
{20752}{20791}Well, it's simple!
{20795}{20858}The average life expectancy for a new pilot|is twenty minutes.
{20861}{20890}Ah...
{20895}{21004}Life expectancy...
of twenty minutes.
{21005}{21029}That's right.
{21034}{21079}Goggles on, chocks away,|last one back's a homo!
{21083}{21102}Hurray!
{21106}{21176}Hurray!
{21187}{21269}So, we take off in ten minutes, {21271}{21327}we're in the air for twenty minutes, {21331}{21415}which means we should be dead|by twenty-five to ten.
{21417}{21441}Hairy blighters, sir.
{21446}{21510}This is a bit of a turn-up|for the plus fours.
{21513}{21559}I shouldn't worry about it|too much, Blackadder.
{21563}{21650}Flying's all about navigation.
{21674}{21718}As long as you've got a good navigator, {21722}{21752}I'm sure you'll be fine.
{22022}{22073}Actually, they're right.
This is a doddle.
{22077}{22097}Careful, sir!
{22102}{22146}Whoops, whoops, a little wobble there.
{22150}{22176}I'll get the hang of it, don't worry.
{22181}{22227}All right, Baldrick,|how many rounds have we got?
{22230}{22253}Er, five hundred, sir.
{22258}{22309}Cheese and tomato for you,|rat for me.
{22313}{22379}Tally-bally ho!
{22382}{22442}What's this, sir?
{22445}{22481}Baldrick!
Baldrick!
{22485}{22546}Will you stop arsing about|and get back in the plane!
{22549}{22585}Ooh, ooh, ooh!
{22590}{22666}Hey, sir, I can see a pretty|red plane from up here.
{22668}{22696}Ha ha!
{22701}{22717}Woo woo!
{22722}{22815}{y:i}Schnell!
Da unten!
|Ha ha ha!
{22817}{22841}Oh, no!
{22846}{22908}Watch out, Baldrick,|it's stood right on our tail.
{22911}{22996}Yes, now this is developing|into a distinctly boring situation, {22998}{23027}but we're still on our side of the line {23031}{23117}So I'll crash-land and claim my ears went|"pop" first time out.
{23120}{23191}- Ooh, let's hope we fall on something soft!|- Fine.
{23193}{23288}I'll try and aim between|General Melchett's ears!
{23290}{23392}I don't believe it.|A German prison cell.
{23394}{23446}For two and a half years|the western front has been {23449}{23551}as likely to move as a Frenchman|who lives next door to a brothel, {23553}{23597}and last night the Germans advance a mile {23601}{23650}and we land on the wrong side.
{23653}{23734}Ooh, dear, Captain B,|my tummy's gone all squirty.
{23737}{23777}That's because you're scared, Baldrick, {23781}{23837}and you're not the only one.|I couldn't be more petrified {23840}{23934}if a wild rhinoceros had just come home|from a hard day at the swamp {23936}{23976}and found me wearing his pyjamas, {23980}{24065}smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife.
{24067}{24118}I've heard what these Germans will do, sir.
{24122}{24197}They'll have their wicked way|with anything of woman born.
{24199}{24263}Well, in that case,|Baldrick, you're quite safe.
{24266}{24365}However, the teutonic reputation|for brutality is well-founded...
{24367}{24444}Their operas last three or four days, {24447}{24508}and they have no word for "fluffy".
{24511}{24555}I want my mum!
{24559}{24603}Yes, it'd be good to see her.
{24607}{24653}I should imagine|a maternally-outraged gorilla {24656}{24772}could be a useful ally when it comes|to the final scrap.
{24807}{24839}Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick.
{24843}{24880}Or as close as you can come to a man {24884}{24999}without actually shaving|the palms of your hands.
{25009}{25054}Good evening.
{25058}{25112}I am Oberleutnant Von Gerhardt.
{25115}{25177}I have a message from|the Baron Von Richthoven...
{25181}{25234}The greatest living German.
{25237}{25277}Which, considering his competition consists {25281}{25337}entirely of very fat men in leather shorts, {25341}{25407}burping to the tune of|{y:i}She'll Be Coming 'Round The Mountain, {25410}{25441}is no great achievement.
{25445}{25522}Quiet!
{25531}{25567}And what is your message?
{25571}{25708}It is: "Prepare for a fate worse than death,|English flying fellow."
{25708}{25727}Oh.
{25732}{25797}So, it's the traditional|warm German welcome.
{25800}{25824}Correct.
{25829}{25922}Also, he is saying, "Do not try to escape|or you will suffer even worse."
{25924}{25994}"a fate worse|than a fate worse than death."
{25997}{26043}That's pretty bad.
{26047}{26088}Yes, well, you see, {26092}{26132}It's all very well for you, isn't it, {26136}{26198}Sitting here behind yer, behind yer,|behind yer comfy desk!
{26201}{26231}Don't you take that tone|with me, Lieutenant, {26235}{26276}or I'll have you on a charge|for insubordination.
{26281}{26322}Well, I'd rather be|on a charge for insubordination {26326}{26351}than on a charge of deserting a friend.
{26355}{26391}How dare you talk to me like that!
{26395}{26422}How dare I?
{26427}{26473}Now, then, now then,|now, now, then, now then, {26477}{26524}now then, then now...
{26528}{26575}Now then, what's going on here?
{26578}{26628}That damn fool Blackadder|has crashed his plane {26632}{26658}behind enemy lines, sir.
{26663}{26709}This young idiot wants to go|and try rescue him.
{26713}{26757}It's a total waste of men and equipment.
{26761}{26807}He's not a damn fool, sir, he's a bally hero.
{26810}{26837}All right.
All right.
{26842}{26865}I'll deal with this, Darling.
{26870}{26911}Delicate touch needed, I fancy.
{26915}{26965}Now, George, {26968}{27028}Do you remember when I came down|to visit you when you were a nipper {27032}{27056}for your sixth birthday?
{27060}{27095}You used to have a lovely little rabbit...
{27100}{27129}Beautiful little thing.
Do you remember?
{27133}{27185}- Flossy.|- That's right, Flossy.
{27189}{27233}Do you remember|what happened to Flossy?
{27237}{27295}- You shot him.|- That's right.
{27298}{27333}It was the kindest thing to do {27337}{27372}after he'd been run over by that car.
{27377}{27468}- By your car, sir.|- Yes, by my car.
{27470}{27514}But that too was an act of mercy {27517}{27573}when you would remember that|that dog had been set on him.
{27577}{27646}- Your dog, sir.|- Yes, yes, my dog.
{27649}{27684}But what I'm trying to say, George, {27688}{27731}is that the state young flossy was in {27735}{27777}after we'd scraped him off my front tire {27781}{27887}is very much the state that|young Blackadder will be in now.
{27888}{27957}If not very nearly dead,|then very actually dead.
{27960}{28110}- Permission for lip to wobble, sir?|- Permission granted.
{28124}{28156}Stout fellow.
{28160}{28189}But surely, sir, you must allow me {28194}{28214}to at least try and save him.
{28219}{28243}No, George.
{28248}{28288}It would be as pointless|as trying to teach a woman {28292}{28349}the value of a good,|forward defensive stroke.
{28352}{28429}Besides, it would take a superman|to get him out of there, {28432}{28474}not the kind of weed who blubs {28478}{28574}just because somebody gives him|a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.
{28575}{28614}Well, I suppose you're right, sir.
{28618}{28646}'Course I am.
{28651}{28702}Now, let's talk about something|more jolly, shall we?
{28706}{28773}Look, this is the amount of land|we've recaptured since yesterday.
{28776}{28801}Oh, excellent.
{28805}{28881}Um, what is the actual|scale of this map, Darling?
{28884}{28984}- Um, one-to-one, sir.|- Come again?
{28985}{29092}Er, the map is actually life-size, sir.|It's superbly detailed.
{29094}{29130}- Look, there's a little worm.|- Oh, yes.
{29134}{29193}So the actual amount|of land retaken is...
?
{29196}{29276}Excuse me, sir.
{29282}{29321}Seventeen square feet, sir.
{29326}{29341}- Excellent.
{29346}{29427}So you see, young Blackadder|didn't die horribly in vain after all.
{29429}{29462}If he did die, sir.
{29466}{29485}Tch!
{29490}{29522}That's the spirit, George.
{29527}{29586}If nothing else works, then a total|pig-headed unwillingness {29589}{29695}to look facts in the face|will see us through.
{29761}{29791}So!
{29796}{29872}I am the Red Baron von Richthoven {29875}{29940}and you are the two English flying aces {29943}{30018}responsible for the spilling|of the precious German blood {30020}{30138}of many of my finest|and my blondest friends.
{30139}{30277}I have waited many months to do this.
{30355}{30400}You may have been right, Balders.
{30403}{30474}Looks like we're going to get|rogered to death after all.
{30477}{30544}Do you want me to go first, sir?
{30547}{30585}Ha ha ha ha!
{30589}{30648}You English and your sense of humour.
{30652}{30737}During your brief stay, I look forward|to learning more of your wit, {30739}{30858}your punning and your amusing jokes|about the breaking of the wind.
{30859}{30952}- Well, Baldrick's the expert there.|- I certainly am, sir.
{30989}{31082}How lucky you English are|to find the toilet so amusing.
{31084}{31165}For us, it is a mundane|and functional item.
{31167}{31302}For you, the basis of an entire culture.
{31338}{31411}I must now tell you of the full horror|of what awaits you.
{31413}{31447}Ah, you see, Balders.
{31452}{31502}dress it up in any amount|of pompous verbal diarrhoea, {31505}{31551}and the message is "squareheads down {31555}{31605}"for the big boche gang-bang."
{31609}{31670}As an officer and a gentleman, {31673}{31748}you will be looking forward|to a quick and noble death.
{31751}{31779}Well, obviously.
{31783}{31882}But, instead, an even worse fate|awaits you.
{31884}{31939}Tomorrow you will be|taken back to Germany...
{31942}{31961}Here it comes!
{31966}{32062}...to a convent school outside Heidelberg, {32064}{32127}where you will spend the rest of the war {32130}{32240}teaching the young girls home economics.
{32241}{32276}Er...
{32280}{32315}For you, as a man of honor, {32320}{32418}the humiliation will be unbearable!
{32419}{32485}Oh, I think you'll find we're tougher|than you imagine.
{32488}{32606}Ha!
I can tell how much|you are suffering by your long feces.
{32607}{32682}We're not suffering too much|to say thank you."
{32685}{32704}Thank you.
{32709}{32731}Say thank you, Baldrick.
{32736}{32760}Thank you, Baldrick.
{32764}{32862}How amusing.
But now, forgive me.
{32864}{32940}I must take to the skies once again.
{32943}{32967}Very funny.
{32971}{33033}The noble Lord Flashheart still eludes me.
{33036}{33082}I think you'll find he's overrated.
{33086}{33116}Bad breath and...
{33121}{33154}impotent, they say.
{33158}{33223}Sexual innuendo.
{33226}{33249}Ha ha ha ha!
{33254}{33279}But enough of this.
{33284}{33433}As you say in England, I must fly.|Ha ha ha ha!
{33432}{33495}Perhaps I will master|this humour after all, ja?
{33498}{33547}I wouldn't be too optimistic.
{33551}{33603}Oh, and the little fellow, {33607}{33667}If you get lonely in the night,|I'm in the old chateau.
{33670}{33752}There's no pressure.
{33750}{33830}Ha ha ha ha!|Pratfall!
{33833}{33867}Is it really true, sir?
{33871}{33915}Is the war really over for us?
{33919}{33944}Yup!
{33949}{34016}Out of the war and teaching nuns|how to boil eggs.
{34019}{34068}For us, the great war is finito.
{34071}{34123}A war that would be|a damn sight simpler {34127}{34153}if we'd just stayed in England {34157}{34207}and shot fifty thousand of our men a week.
{34211}{34299}No more mud, death,|rats, bombs, shrapnel, {34301}{34370}whiz-bangs, barbed wire|and those bloody awful songs {34373}{34435}that have the word "whoops" in the title.
{34438}{34496}Oh, damn!|He's...
he's left the door open.
{34500}{34530}Oh, good!
We can escape, sir.
{34534}{34567}Are you mad, Baldrick?
{34571}{34615}I'll find someone to lock it for us.
{34619}{34663}Ssh!
Keep-ee!
Mum's the word!
{34667}{34732}Not 'arf, or what?
{34751}{34833}Sir, why did you just slam the door|on Lieutenant George?
{34835}{34897}I can't believe it.
Go away!
{34900}{34926}It's me.
It's me.
{34931}{34975}But what the hell|are you doing here?
{34979}{35023}Oh, never mind the hows and the whys {35027}{35071}and the do-you-mind- If-I-don'ts.
{35074}{35127}But it would have taken|a superman to get in here.
{35131}{35174}Well, it's funny you should say that, {35178}{35215}because as it happens|I did have some help {35219}{35253}from a rather spiffing bloke.
{35257}{35331}He's taken a break from|some crucial top-level shagging.
{35334}{35419}It...
it's me, hurray!
{35421}{35487}Hurray!
{35504}{35536}God's potatoes, George.
{35540}{35587}You said Noble Brother Flyers|were in the lurch.
{35591}{35629}If I'd known you meant Old Slack Bladder {35633}{35681}and the mound of|the Hound Of The Baskervilles, {35685}{35763}I'd probably have let them|stew in their own juice.
{35765}{35796}And let me tell you,|if I ever tried that, {35801}{35833}I'd probably drown.
{35885}{35911}Oh!
{35916}{36016}Still, since I'm here,|I may as well "doooo" it.
{36017}{36053}As the bishop said|to the netball team, {36057}{36138}{y:i}Come on, chums!
{36165}{36239}Aah!
Ow!
Aah!
{36241}{36261}Come on.
{36266}{36297}Yes, yes.|Look, I'm sorry, chaps, {36302}{36352}But I've splintered my pancreas.
{36355}{36413}Erm, and I seem to have|this terrible cough.
{36417}{36450}C- Guards!|C- Guards!
{36454}{36498}Wait, wait,|wait, wait, {36502}{36529}wait a minute.
{36534}{36601}Now, I may be packing the kind of tackle {36604}{36654}that you'd normally|expect to find swinging about {36657}{36739}between the hind legs|of a Grand National winner, {36742}{36787}But I'm not totally stupid, {36790}{36838}and I've got the kind of feeling {36842}{36869}you'd rather we hadn't come.
{36874}{36908}No, no, no, I'm very grateful.
{36912}{36941}It's just that I'd slow you up.
{36946}{36987}I think I'm beginning to understand.
{36991}{37014}Are...
are you?
{37019}{37094}Just because I can give multiple orgasms {37096}{37156}to the furniture just by "sitting" on it, {37159}{37241}doesn't mean that I'm not|sick of this damn war: {37244}{37365}The blood, the noise, the endless poetry.
{37365}{37418}Is that really what you think, Flashheart?
{37422}{37446}Course it's not what I think.
{37451}{37478}Now get out that door {37482}{37538}before I redecorate that wall|an interesting new colour {37542}{37569}called "hint of brain."
{37573}{37597}Excellent.
Well, that's clear.
{37602}{37650}Let's get back to that lovely war, then!
{37654}{37724}- Woof!
Woof!|- Bark!
{37746}{37794}Not so fast, Blackadder.
{37797}{37863}Oh, damn!
Foiled again!|What bad luck!
{37866}{37975}Ah, and the Lord Flashheart.|This is indeed an honor.
{37977}{38071}Finally, the two greatest gentleman flyers|in the world meet.
{38072}{38137}Two men of honor,|who have jousted together {38141}{38210}in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies, {38212}{38254}face to face at last.
{38258}{38337}How often I have rehearsed|this moment of destiny in my dreams.
{38340}{38458}The opportunity to encapsulate|the unspoken nobility of our comradeship...
{38490}{38535}What a poof!
{38539}{38610}Come on!
{38697}{38759}Oh!
Oh!
{38763}{38822}- Hello, Darling.|- Good lord.
{38826}{38857}Captain Blackadder,|I thought you were...
{38861}{38907}- Playing tennis?|- No.
{38911}{38981}- Dead?|- Well, yes, unfortunately.
{38984}{39045}Well, I had a lucky escape,|no thanks to you.
{39048}{39082}This is a friend of mine.
{39086}{39118}Argh!
{39123}{39161}Hi, cretin.
{39165}{39202}Flashheart, this is captain Darling.
{39206}{39232}Captain Darling?
{39237}{39282}Funny name for a guy, isn't it?
{39286}{39403}Last person I called "darling"|was pregnant twenty seconds later.
{39403}{39463}Hear you couldn't be bothered|to help old slacky here.
{39467}{39512}Er, well, it...
It wasn't quite that, sir.
{39515}{39549}It's just that we weighed up|the pros and cons, {39554}{39624}and decided it wasn't a reasonable use|of our time and resources.
{39627}{39651}Well, this isn't a reasonable use {39655}{39711}of my time and resources,|but I'm going to do it anyway.
{39715}{39732}What?
{39737}{39832}- This!|- Oh!
{39906}{39932}All right, slacky!
{39937}{39980}All right, slacky!
I've got to fly.
{39984}{40050}Two million chicks,|only one Flashheart.
{40053}{40110}And remember, if you|want something, take it.
{40113}{40159}Bobby!
{40163}{40187}My lord!
{40192}{40203}I want something!
{40208}{40273}- Take it!|- Woof!
{40276}{40325}Git!
{40329}{40389}- Ah, Blackadder, so you escaped.|- Yes, sir.
{40392}{40411}Bravo!
{40416}{40460}Don't slouch, Darling.
{40464}{40489}I was wondering whether, {40494}{40557}having been tortured by the most|vicious sadist of the German army, {40560}{40604}I might be allowed|a week's leave to recuperate.
{40608}{40632}Excellent idea.
{40637}{40722}Your commanding officer would|have to be stark raving mad to refuse you.
{40724}{40771}"You" are my commanding officer.
{40774}{40800}Well?
{40805}{40852}Can I have a week's leave to recuperate, sir?
{40856}{40884}Certainly not!
{40889}{40962}- Thank you, sir.|- Baaaaaah!
{41905}{42105}Ripped with SubRip 1.10 and Verified by CdinT|(Cristi_Polacsek@SoftHome.net) {42098}{42237}I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it!
:D