Show: House M.D. - 8x15
Attention, passengers...
You have to lift up the sign so he can see it.
Evan.
Hey, buddy.
Aren't you excited to see your Uncle Brant?
No.
No?
I think you are.
I think something else is making you upset.
You know I'm leaving soon, and it's okay to be upset about that, but, hey, do you remember what I told you when we were watching wrestling on Saturday night?
Yeah.
That you and Uncle Brant are like the Reaper Brothers.
That's right.
And Uncle Brant has been in the ring a whole year.
Now it's time for daddy to tag in.
But while I'm away, I need you in your Uncle's corner, making sure he keeps you and your mom safe.
Can you help me with that?
Good.
Now let's get ready with that sign.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen, we are now boarding at Gate 47.
Now.
Brant, what happened?
Captain, please step aside.
Sir, this is my brother.
What's going on?
Pfc Macklin has been charged with treason.
Oh, so there's got to be some mistake.
I'm sorry.
Brant!
Brant!
Brant!
♪ House 8x15 ♪ Blowing the Whistle Original air date on April 2, 2012 ♪ Army apparently thought they were clearing an insurgent hideout.
After this was leaked on Saturday, the A.P.
investigated.
34 civilian casualties.
Six kids.
There will be MPs stationed at every entrance to the second floor, as well as outside his patient room.
No.
Don't do that.
Every time there's people in uniform in the cafeteria, they get served first.
Make sure your IDs are clearly visible.
I'll speak with the cafeteria staff about showing more disrespect.
20-year-old male, generalized tonic-clonic seizures.
Army Docs scanned for structural abnormalities.
EEG was normal.
So was-- do you need me to sign for this?
Let me know if you need anything.
Like a transfer.
Typhus?
Patient has no hair.
Probably means no lice.
Leishmaniasis.
No fever.
Why couldn't they take care of him at a military hospital?
I think because they wanted to annoy you.
Any other conscientious objectors?
So I'm the only one who has a problem when someone whose duty's to protect our country blowing-- Blowing the whistle is honorable precisely because it's not dutiful.
Sorry, you said blowing.
Maybe you were going somewhere else with that.
He's a coward.
He risked his freedom.
He anonymously downloaded a computer file from a secure page and uploaded it to an unsecure page.
Not exactly storming Omaha Beach.
The EEG was normal because he was faking it to avoid going to prison.
Let's treat him with not medicine.
Give those back.
Why?
You got 28.
You can share.
Something's going on with House.
He just seemed off.
Didn't even notice that I walked out of the room with this.
You began to suspect he was off when he didn't notice the mug you stole to see if he was off?
What else didn't he notice that you don't want us to notice?
Those are the same clothes you wore yesterday.
And you got very defensive when House took your birth control.
Who was he?
Or better yet...she?
Do I need to explain the physiology behind birth control?
Attention deficit in a man who has no attention deficits has to be symptomatic of something.
You're right.
I'm thinking either massive brain tumor, or his soap got canceled and he's distracted.
Could be dietary.
Refsum.
Or maybe he thinks you just have more than one non-descript white blouse.
Or serotonin syndrome.
I'm not saying he's definitely sick.
I'm just saying we should look into it.
No, we shouldn't.
If you believe House is sick, it's only because that's what he wants you to believe.
Let's go.
We think the long flight home allowed clots to form in your leg.
Take this pill.
If you feel any numbness in your leg after a few minutes, it means we're right and you should get comfortable, because you're gonna be here for a while.
While we wait, can you tell me why?
It was the right thing to do.
There are reports that insurgents are using your video to recruit new members.
Making the voting public aware of what's really happening on the ground will help bring our troops home fast.
My brother's grunt means he disagrees.
I think you're being naive.
And I know you took an oath.
If you want to influence policy, run for office.
Dad raised us to believe that exposing the truth is honorable.
Hayes likes to follow the rules.
Yeah, because that's what Dad taught us was honorable.
You were ten when he died.
You couldn't possibly have any idea-- If dad always believe in blindly following the rules, how do you explain Tora Bora?
My dad was commanding a Special Forces unit.
He lost communication with his men.
They were assumed dead.
He was ordered to abandon them and focus on the primary mission.
He disobeyed that order, went and found his men still alive and fighting.
He saved their lives.
Did he die in service?
If it was something genetic, it could help us.
It won't help.
It was a one-car accident.
That's the army's official story.
My brother's naive on this and...
I can't feel my leg.
I'll get the discharge papers.
I have a blood clot.
No, you don't.
We gave you a placebo to see if you'd fake another symptom to delay going to prison.
Wait a second.
He's not faking.
Because that's not the way your Dad raised him?
Yes.
My stomach hurts too.
What's going on?
He's not faking.
Just because he's got abdominal bruising doesn't mean he wasn't faking the numbness.
He's not contesting the treason charges.
If his code of honor is that strong, he's not gonna bother faking symptoms.
Pleading guilty is not honorable.
It's just stupid.
A distal esophageal rupture can lead to compartment syndrome in his thigh-- explains both symptoms.
No pain when he swallows.
What is honor?
Dying for your country?
Getting straight As?
Killing your daughter because she had the audacity to get raped?
Ruptured triple-A.
Doesn't explain the seizures.
Pancreatitis.
Gallstones obstructing his pancreatic duct.
People define honor as whatever makes them feel honorable.
It's a circle going nowhere.
Which I guess is what circles do.
We'll ultrasound his belly and look for the obstruction.
I need your signature on this order.
The Army's leaning on Foreman to make sure this is done by the book.
Didn't need an order for his last treatment.
This last treatment wasn't a treatment.
Forge it.
I will.
From now on.
But I need the original so I know what to forge.
We were having coffee when the dizziness started.
Business meeting?
Date.
Our first.
We met at the 98 Cents store.
We were reaching for the same tube of cheese.
Huh.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I need to talk to you.
Just about done.
Good news, based on her thrifty shopping habits and taste for artificial dairy, she's clearly not a gold digger.
Bad news: Based on his rhinotillexomania, he is.
Compulsive addiction to nose-picking.
A small cut on the inside of the left nostril led to an infection in the cavernous sinus.
It was very nice meeting you, Mel.
It's not true.
Gloria, wait, I can change.
My PPTH contract.
House signed it six months ago.
He signed this today.
His hands are unsteady.
Given his Vicodin abuse, I think he has hepatic encephalopathy.
He's been forgetful, inattentive.
Dominika's been trying out new knish recipes.
One of them didn't agree with him.
A little sleep deprivation could account for his forgetfulness and inattention.
He loads up on caffeine.
That explains a jittery hand.
Maybe.
But if I'm right, his liver's in decline.
It's curable, but if he doesn't get treatment, it could actually be fatal.
This happens all the time.
One of the symptoms of working for House-- you start seeing zebras everywhere.
There's nothing wrong with him.
House.
Shh.
I'm with a patient.
Sleep study.
You drugged him?
I didn't say the study was voluntary.
I think you're sick.
What, 'cause I'm sleeping in the clinic like I always do?
Slow reaction time.
Because I just woke up from sleeping in the clinic like I always do.
You're forgetful.
Sorry.
What did you say?
You forgot that we were supposed to have lunch.
I didn't forget.
I was sleeping in the clinic-- I'd like to run some tests.
For what?
Where's this coming from?
Hepatic encephalopathy.
I've watched you destroy your body with Vicodin for years.
I'm surprised your liver's lasted this long.
I'll do the examination myself.
While having you juggle my jewels sounds interesting, there's no such thing as friends with benefits.
It always gets weird.
Your friends out there are getting a little handsy.
Get enough death threats, eventually they start taking them seriously.
A convoy was hit outside of Kunar Province.
Eight American soldiers were killed.
Army spokesperson's claiming that it's revenge for the attack that I made public.
Better me take the blame than them.
You don't think you're to blame at all?
And you do.
Like everyone else.
A strike like that would take more than three days to plan.
So the next one might be your fault?
Lateral view looks good.
If you have such a negative opinion of the army, why did you enlist?
I needed to find out what really happened to my dad.
There were two redacted pages in his service record.
Going into intelligence was the quickest way to up my security clearance.
Then why would you leak that video?
Part of my job was to grab a cup of tea with the locals.
The face time is supposed to make them more likely to trust us with sensitive information, but they became my friends.
If there was another attack, civilian casualties, and I had done nothing...
Your spleen, it's enlarged.
We should do a biopsy and look for any-- He's got urinary bleeding.
Not just urinary.
Call the blood bank.
What's happening to him?
His spleen must be sequestering platelets.
He's bleeding too fast to wait for a platelet infusion.
We need to squeeze his spleen to release the ones he's got.
Tell the O.R.
we're on our way.
Pressure's dropping.
Almost there.
BP's 70 over 40, and he's hypovolemic.
Pressure's rising.
And he's starting to clot.
Good news is we can control the bleeding.
Bad news is...
Bleeding's not the problem.
Unless spleens are supposed to be lumpy.
He's clotting, but CT confirms splenic nodules.
Dr.
Taub has an interesting theory.
No, I don't.
You're forfeiting?
'Cause if you can't play the game and work...
Extramedullary hematopoiesis.
No history of anemia.
She's right.
You're an idiot.
Try again.
Where I come from, this is called cheating.
Where's that?
Stickford-upon-anus?
TB.
PPD's negative.
Could be bru-- Don't interrupt Dr.
Taub.
Brucellosis.
You just took out a family of four.
They were clearly armed insurgents, and anyone who claims or proves otherwise is a traitor.
No rash or back pain.
You defend the patient for being a whistleblower, then attack him for being an honorable whistleblower.
Now you defend him for being a maligned, honorable whistleblower?
Adjectives matter.
Hate nurses, love naughty nurses.
Taub, pitch again.
I've pitched like five-- It's your turn.
Lymphoma.
If cancer caused his seizures, we would have seen cerebral masses on his head CT.
Yes!
Taub, pitch again.
Now.
The nodules in his spleen were granulomas.
He's got sarcoidosis!
Someone tell him he's wrong.
Sorry, House.
Sarcoid does explain the seizures.
And the bruises.
Say bye-bye, House.
Yes!
Yes!
Sarcoidosis it is.
Treat with steroids.
Then come right back here, 'cause I'm not gonna rest until I've made orphans of all your virtual children.
House never loses.
Seriously?
Me beating House is medically significant?
It could be.
Reduced fine motor control.
Add that to inattention and liver flap.
It does make sense.
We have to talk to Foreman.
No, we don't.
First of all, because I can beat him in that game.
And, second, even if you are right, there's no reason to believe that House's medical judgment is impaired.
So we should wait until he kills someone for confirmation?
You really think it's a coincidence that we're treating a whistleblower and now talking about blowing the whistle on House?
You're right.
Playing dumb, messy signature, losing a video game-- it's way too complicated to fake.
No.
I won't take it.
Without this injection, you could have a fatal arrhythmia.
Tell Major Mathewson that I'm not taking any more treatment until they give me a live television interview.
You can't really think they'll agree to that.
People need to know the tape's not the reason for that attack.
They need to know why I did this.
The people who think you're a traitor will still think you're a traitor, and the people who think you're a hero will still think you're a hero.
The truth makes a difference.
If Dad were here, he'd be begging for you not to do this.
If Dad were here, he'd be proud of me.
The conspiracy theorists are gonna go nuts if the patient dies.
I told him that, and he told me that option is still less damaging than giving the kid a national platform.
So what do we do now?
You explain to your brother that he overplayed his hand.
That won't make any difference.
The idiot thinks he's doing the right thing.
What if we convinced a court that his refusal is part of an underlying psychiatric disorder?
They assign a conservator.
We do what we want.
Fraud.
Great.
Narcissistic personality disorder.
Both the leaking of the tape and the refusal of treatment indicate that he has no fear of consequences.
So instead of defrauding the court, you'll waste their time?
No way a judge classifies a personality disorder as a mental illness.
If a decorated military officer, who happened to be the patient's brother, corroborates, they might.
So you want me to sign a piece of paper that says my brother is crazy for doing what he thinks is right?
I want you to save his life.
His heart could go at any time.
He's a fool.
But he's not crazy.
The patient was refusing treatment because of honor, and his brother is refusing to be his conservator because of honor.
Oh, good.
Taub's cured the patient.
I had to go to the bathroom.
Bathroom's that way.
You just ran in from that way.
That one's been out of order for two days.
I had to go up to the third floor.
I'm not lying.
It's out of order.
I believe you.
I'm gonna fix it.
We could treat if he doesn't know he's being treated.
Lace his sponge bath.
It would take too long to reach his bloodstream.
What if we aerosolize steroids and blast the room?
Speaking of which...
It'd be too hard to get the prednisone concentrations right.
No one fixes anything unless they have a compelling reason.
If we're gonna treat, we have to give him a compelling reason, something that he wants more than an interview.
Fire in the hole!
A signed order from Major Mathewson.
They've agreed to declassify the redacted pages from your father's service record.
In two days, you'll have all your answers.
But the only way you'll live long enough to get the truth is by accepting treatment.
I don't trust the Army to follow through on this.
But you trust me.
I'll make sure those pages get here.
Okay.
Selfishness is apparently honorable now.
He wanted to create change.
Instead, he's just satisfying his own curiosity.
He's getting the truth.
Most he could hope for.
I need to take a dump.
Specifically, House's dump.
You set this up?
All it took was showing up two minutes late and a $2 sign.
Bile deposits are irregular.
House's liver is failing.
Cognitive impairment will get progressively worse.
What's going on?
My foot.
It's killing me.
It's completely cyanotic.
This isn't sarcoidosis.
Cholesterol embolization.
Are you gonna even acknowledge what we just told you?
That you pilfered my poo-poo?
Yeah, I was thinking it would be less awkward for all of us if we could just pretend that never happened.
It's not an embolization.
No instrumentation inside the arteries.
Thank you for getting us back-- And if we start you on treatment now, get you off Vicodin-- What's the opposite of "thank you"?
I'm pretty sure it ends in "you".
I know my body.
I'm fine.
Methemoglobinemia.
Army tests for G6PD deficiency.
If you're not sick, then our test, accurate 99.5% of the time, yielded a false positive three separate times.
The odds of that are 1 in 8 million.
The test is accurate.
The diagnosis isn't.
Sample was obviously contaminated with other foods interacting with my liver enzymes.
Now could we talk about the sick patient?
His clot dissolved.
That could have caused the vasospasm.
D.I.C.
could have been caused by Bernard Soulier syndrome.
And you're sick, and you have to do something about it.
If we had a patient file with the same symptoms you're exhibiting...
And the symptoms I'm not exhibiting?
Jaundice, ascites, fetor hepaticus.
We can't tell if your breath stinks because you've been popping mints like they're Vicodin.
You'd still diagnose hepatic encephalopathy.
I know that because four doctors you trained have unanimously diagnosed you with hepatic encephalopathy.
Park's right.
Treat the patient with Heparin.
We'll have a stronger argument if we go to Foreman as a united front.
We'll have a stronger argument if we have an argument.
If House is sick, it's his business, not Foreman's.
Foreman's business is to make sure his doctors are able to do their jobs, that lives aren't put at risk.
Telling Foreman will put lives at risk.
We tell Foreman, House either agrees to treatment or get suspended, which means House gets suspended.
And considering House at 90% is better than any other doctor at this hospital at 100%, that means our patients get a lower standard of care.
House could be at 90%, he could be at 60%, we don't know.
And until we do, there's no reason to do anything more than what we've done.
Blurry vision...
headache, a bit of nausea, and dizziness.
I am completely baffled.
I only had eight beers.
Sophomore class pong tournament's in a week.
I'm working on my tolerance.
Hop on one foot and singe the iCarly theme song.
Like you don't know it.
♪ I know, you see ♪ ♪ somehow the world will change for me ♪ ♪ and be so wonderful ♪ live life, breathe air ♪ Damn it, man.
Can't you see I'm doctoring?
♪ We're gonna get there and be so wonderful ♪ If you want to talk to me, you can buy me a sandwich in an hour.
Or I could just hover here until you're done.
♪ These-- Heard enough.
Just never could figure out the "breathe air" part.
Next year, stick to whiskey.
Or at least stay away from week-old green beers.
A lot less likely to contain tartrazine-laced green food dyes for which you apparently have an intolerance.
Once you break the seal, it'll be out of your system in 48 hours.
What are my choices here?
If I tell you I'm fine, you won't believe me.
I've scheduled a liver function test.
If I ignore you, then you'll just ignore my ignoring.
Which is rude, frankly.
Depending on the results, we'll customize a treatment plan.
If I tell you I think I'm sick and I need your help and we need to set up a time to talk about it, you'll just assume I'm lying.
Again, rude.
Also hurtful.
Why is it that you can find the smallest thing wrong with anyone else, but when it comes to you...
I really don't have a choice here, do I?
No, you don't.
I'm on the list.
But he's not.
You can't ignore me forever.
Well, if you're right, that's not gonna be all that long.
Do it slow.
Who are you?
Well, considering the only people allowed in this room are your doctors and your family...
I'm your long-lost cousin Ralph.
So glad to finally meet you.
Are you gonna check on me?
It's gonna be at least two hours until we can tell if the Heparin's working.
Then what are you doing here?
You know, my father taught me that it's dishonorable to interrupt someone when they're reading.
Honor's not a punch line.
Get out of my room.
So was it worth it?
Best case, you spend the rest of your life in Leavenworth.
Worst case, you spend the rest of your life here.
Justice for 34 deaths outweighs anything the Army can do to me.
They got justice?
Do they know that?
What if only ten people had died?
Four?
Even one civilian death...
What if they just maimed a few guys?
Would that have been worth it?
My job was to log that tape, get all the details in the official record.
After the tenth time of watching it, I stopped trying to convince myself that the shovel could have been mistaken for a gun.
'Cause all I could see were the victims' faces.
All I was doing was trying to read that kid's lips to make out his last words.
I couldn't sleep.
Couldn't eat.
Think I like the cue ball look?
My hair turned gray in three days.
My body was telling me I had to do whatever I could to make sure that something like this never happened again.
Your hair turned gray in three days.
Loss of hair color indicates an autoimmune condition, likely Grave's disease.
Hyperthyroidism leads to a hypercoagulable state, which causes thrombosis.
Start him on antithyroids.
You want to reject our current diagnosis because he had a few gray hairs, panicked, and shaved his head?
I want to reject our current diagnosis because I think we're wrong.
And treating for wrong diagnoses can result in side effects like death.
Even if he did full go gray, stress seems way more likely than Grave's.
I haven't read any journal articles proving that veterans have a higher incidence of depigmentation.
Of course, that could be the hepatic encephalopathy talking.
Our treatment for Bernard Soulier hasn't had time-- so you all just want to ignore the new symptom?
It's not grave's because it's not a symptom at all.
And the antithyroids you want could reduce his blood pressure and his ability to breathe.
Which can result in side effects, like death.
Small soda.
Grave's it is.
Start him on antithyroids.
I know we disagree with House all the time, but, before I could say, "okay, he's a genius."
Now...maybe he's just really smart.
We're not gonna give him the antithyroids.
Everything okay?
Any better?
Pretty good.
He did just ask me for a blanket.
You're cold?
A little.
For how long?
It's really nothing.
Maybe an hour or two.
He's at 104.
It's not Bernard Soulier.
Bold move.
You've gone from speculating I'm sick, to acting like I'm dead.
We acted like we don't trust your judgement, because we don't trust your judgement.
Why don't you start by not trusting your own.
We did more blood work, it's not Graves either.
Talk to you for a minute?
Anything you have to say to me, you can say to them.
It's only fair.
Cause anything they say to me, they also say to you.
Jiggle your pockets.
Whose got the silver coin?
Until you receive a clean bill of health, I'll be authorizing all treatment orders.
Well, I would say that that was an incredibly stupid mistake, but apparently I'd have to clear that opinion through Foreman first.
White count is high.
So all the infections we ruled out when he came in are back on the table.
Legionnaire's.
Unlikely without pneumonia.
Taub.
Loyalty issues in his personal life.
Makes sense that they'd cross over into his professional one.
I was hoping we can get a diagnosis before the witch hunt.
The patient's infection is an inherently less interesting puzzle than the stab wound to my back.
Fine.
I told Foreman.
Can we move on now?
What about dengue?
Patient isn't in enough pain.
No.
I don't mean about dengue.
I have no idea.
Taub's only confessing because he wants us to focus on the patient.
I told Foreman.
I did.
The next person to confess is fired.
Or Spartacus.
For clarification, no one's getting fired.
Who else has a pitch?
And then...there's Park.
The only one who didn't confess.
The same cowardice that makes someone unable to move out of mommy and daddy's home might also make someone a tattletale.
You threatened to fire the next person who-- And it's malaria.
No, it's not.
The Army issues anti-malaria medication.
And has done for ten years.
That's the equivalent of 5,000 generations of the Afghan mosquito, anopheles gambiae.
That's plenty long enough to develop a resistance.
Anopheles, by the way, is Greek for "useless."
Cover for intra-abdominal sepsis and treat with antimalarials.
And was I also right that it was a stupid idea?
We believe you have malaria.
These pills-- I don't want any medication.
My dad's file should have been here.
Brant, I told you, I looked into it.
There's just a delay.
I believe that's what the Army's saying.
I don't believe it's true.
If they're not going to keep their end of the bargain, neither am I.
So we got groped for nothing.
If he doesn't want to stay alive-- Hold on.
Is it too late to become his conservator?
I know what I said before.
Right now I don't care.
Of course not.
We'll get the paperwork drawn up.
He changed his mind?
Why?
His brother's dying.
He needs a more substantial reason?
His brother was dying the last time we asked him to be the conservator.
So instead of pushing the issue with the Army to get the file, he just decided to give up on his code?
Apparently.
So where do I sign?
We don't need you to.
The Army gave the file to you yesterday.
Major Mathewson had another copy sent over to us.
You know, there's a reason I didn't want that file released.
I know.
I read it.
I'm gonna treat my patient now.
I was right.
Wasn't I?
How did he die?
What did they cover up?
They didn't cover up anything.
I did.
Dad died in that car accident because he was drunk.
Killed a pedestrian too.
What are you-- what-- He drank, Brant, a lot.
You were too young to see it.
I, uh, I had some of dad's buddies...
take care of his files.
It was the only time I ever broke the rules.
I'm sorry.
Can I begin treatment?
Fever hasn't broken.
White count is still up.
Renal function is declining.
So he has all the signs of malaria, except the antimalarials aren't curing him.
Gonorrhea?
If it got into his heart...
We did an echo.
His valves look good.
What about-- you bastard.
You were faking.
Yesterday, House stole candy by putting it into a cup.
The cup was too small, so his solution was to remove some of the candy.
But the obviously logical thing was to just get a bigger cup, which he did today, because he's no longer faking.
He couldn't have faked it.
We tested your-- I took St.
John's Wort to alter the way my liver metabolized acetaminophen.
Then some n-acetylcysteine just to finish it off.
You tortured them to torture me just to see who you could trust?
I did it to save lives.
God, I wish I could rationalize that one.
And now you're going to brilliantly deduce which one of us is the rat?
What makes you think I haven't already?
To be continued.
I need to brilliantly cure a patient.
No hair usually means no lice.
What we didn't account for was that it wasn't your hair.
Tea was not the only thing that your Afghani neighbors shared with you.
I'm sure they were generous enough to let you sit on their furniture, which was infested with rat lice.
You have typhus.
Caused the vasculitis and explains all your other symptoms.
But here's where it gets interesting.
One of those symptoms, a lawyer might argue, was leaking the tape.
There are psychiatric issues associated with typhus.
If you change your mind, plead not guilty, you've got a case.
I'd be undermining everything I've been trying to do.
You did what you thought you had to do.
Going to jail proves nothing.
It proves I still have my honor.
You're not doing this for honor.
You're doing this to please your father.
And the pathetic thing is that the man you're trying to please never existed.
Traitor.
You've been avoiding me for two days.
'Cause, when I stranded you behind the barricades, you went straight to Foreman.
I've been avoiding you because you're an ass.
I've been an ass my whole life.
I can't get rid of you.
You can get rid of me now.
Just turn and limp away.
Huh.
Your whiny righteousness has the stench of sincerity.
Fine.
I have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
Makes sense.
Damn.
Now I'm gonna have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
You just said that.
Yeah, but I meant it this time.
First time I was just testing you.
Either you were gonna genuinely confess or falsely confess or actually...
His name's li'l Chase.
He's a rat.
You're a rat.
Get it?
Taub confessed to telling Foreman to protect the patient.
Adams confessed to protect Taub.
But your confession was just piling on.
There's no rational reason for you to have done it.
And my punishment will be nothing.
You wanted me to tell Foreman.
Your ability to solve puzzles is the only thing that matters to you.
And you're smart enough to know even you'll lose your edge at some point.
You want to make sure someone's there when you do.
If that were true, why are li'l Chase's li'l cousins scurrying through your apartment's floorboards right now?
You have to lift up the sign so he can see it.
Evan.
Hey, buddy.
Aren't you excited to see your Uncle Brant?
No.
No?
I think you are.
I think something else is making you upset.
You know I'm leaving soon, and it's okay to be upset about that, but, hey, do you remember what I told you when we were watching wrestling on Saturday night?
Yeah.
That you and Uncle Brant are like the Reaper Brothers.
That's right.
And Uncle Brant has been in the ring a whole year.
Now it's time for daddy to tag in.
But while I'm away, I need you in your Uncle's corner, making sure he keeps you and your mom safe.
Can you help me with that?
Good.
Now let's get ready with that sign.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen, we are now boarding at Gate 47.
Now.
Brant, what happened?
Captain, please step aside.
Sir, this is my brother.
What's going on?
Pfc Macklin has been charged with treason.
Oh, so there's got to be some mistake.
I'm sorry.
Brant!
Brant!
Brant!
♪ House 8x15 ♪ Blowing the Whistle Original air date on April 2, 2012 ♪ Army apparently thought they were clearing an insurgent hideout.
After this was leaked on Saturday, the A.P.
investigated.
34 civilian casualties.
Six kids.
There will be MPs stationed at every entrance to the second floor, as well as outside his patient room.
No.
Don't do that.
Every time there's people in uniform in the cafeteria, they get served first.
Make sure your IDs are clearly visible.
I'll speak with the cafeteria staff about showing more disrespect.
20-year-old male, generalized tonic-clonic seizures.
Army Docs scanned for structural abnormalities.
EEG was normal.
So was-- do you need me to sign for this?
Let me know if you need anything.
Like a transfer.
Typhus?
Patient has no hair.
Probably means no lice.
Leishmaniasis.
No fever.
Why couldn't they take care of him at a military hospital?
I think because they wanted to annoy you.
Any other conscientious objectors?
So I'm the only one who has a problem when someone whose duty's to protect our country blowing-- Blowing the whistle is honorable precisely because it's not dutiful.
Sorry, you said blowing.
Maybe you were going somewhere else with that.
He's a coward.
He risked his freedom.
He anonymously downloaded a computer file from a secure page and uploaded it to an unsecure page.
Not exactly storming Omaha Beach.
The EEG was normal because he was faking it to avoid going to prison.
Let's treat him with not medicine.
Give those back.
Why?
You got 28.
You can share.
Something's going on with House.
He just seemed off.
Didn't even notice that I walked out of the room with this.
You began to suspect he was off when he didn't notice the mug you stole to see if he was off?
What else didn't he notice that you don't want us to notice?
Those are the same clothes you wore yesterday.
And you got very defensive when House took your birth control.
Who was he?
Or better yet...she?
Do I need to explain the physiology behind birth control?
Attention deficit in a man who has no attention deficits has to be symptomatic of something.
You're right.
I'm thinking either massive brain tumor, or his soap got canceled and he's distracted.
Could be dietary.
Refsum.
Or maybe he thinks you just have more than one non-descript white blouse.
Or serotonin syndrome.
I'm not saying he's definitely sick.
I'm just saying we should look into it.
No, we shouldn't.
If you believe House is sick, it's only because that's what he wants you to believe.
Let's go.
We think the long flight home allowed clots to form in your leg.
Take this pill.
If you feel any numbness in your leg after a few minutes, it means we're right and you should get comfortable, because you're gonna be here for a while.
While we wait, can you tell me why?
It was the right thing to do.
There are reports that insurgents are using your video to recruit new members.
Making the voting public aware of what's really happening on the ground will help bring our troops home fast.
My brother's grunt means he disagrees.
I think you're being naive.
And I know you took an oath.
If you want to influence policy, run for office.
Dad raised us to believe that exposing the truth is honorable.
Hayes likes to follow the rules.
Yeah, because that's what Dad taught us was honorable.
You were ten when he died.
You couldn't possibly have any idea-- If dad always believe in blindly following the rules, how do you explain Tora Bora?
My dad was commanding a Special Forces unit.
He lost communication with his men.
They were assumed dead.
He was ordered to abandon them and focus on the primary mission.
He disobeyed that order, went and found his men still alive and fighting.
He saved their lives.
Did he die in service?
If it was something genetic, it could help us.
It won't help.
It was a one-car accident.
That's the army's official story.
My brother's naive on this and...
I can't feel my leg.
I'll get the discharge papers.
I have a blood clot.
No, you don't.
We gave you a placebo to see if you'd fake another symptom to delay going to prison.
Wait a second.
He's not faking.
Because that's not the way your Dad raised him?
Yes.
My stomach hurts too.
What's going on?
He's not faking.
Just because he's got abdominal bruising doesn't mean he wasn't faking the numbness.
He's not contesting the treason charges.
If his code of honor is that strong, he's not gonna bother faking symptoms.
Pleading guilty is not honorable.
It's just stupid.
A distal esophageal rupture can lead to compartment syndrome in his thigh-- explains both symptoms.
No pain when he swallows.
What is honor?
Dying for your country?
Getting straight As?
Killing your daughter because she had the audacity to get raped?
Ruptured triple-A.
Doesn't explain the seizures.
Pancreatitis.
Gallstones obstructing his pancreatic duct.
People define honor as whatever makes them feel honorable.
It's a circle going nowhere.
Which I guess is what circles do.
We'll ultrasound his belly and look for the obstruction.
I need your signature on this order.
The Army's leaning on Foreman to make sure this is done by the book.
Didn't need an order for his last treatment.
This last treatment wasn't a treatment.
Forge it.
I will.
From now on.
But I need the original so I know what to forge.
We were having coffee when the dizziness started.
Business meeting?
Date.
Our first.
We met at the 98 Cents store.
We were reaching for the same tube of cheese.
Huh.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I need to talk to you.
Just about done.
Good news, based on her thrifty shopping habits and taste for artificial dairy, she's clearly not a gold digger.
Bad news: Based on his rhinotillexomania, he is.
Compulsive addiction to nose-picking.
A small cut on the inside of the left nostril led to an infection in the cavernous sinus.
It was very nice meeting you, Mel.
It's not true.
Gloria, wait, I can change.
My PPTH contract.
House signed it six months ago.
He signed this today.
His hands are unsteady.
Given his Vicodin abuse, I think he has hepatic encephalopathy.
He's been forgetful, inattentive.
Dominika's been trying out new knish recipes.
One of them didn't agree with him.
A little sleep deprivation could account for his forgetfulness and inattention.
He loads up on caffeine.
That explains a jittery hand.
Maybe.
But if I'm right, his liver's in decline.
It's curable, but if he doesn't get treatment, it could actually be fatal.
This happens all the time.
One of the symptoms of working for House-- you start seeing zebras everywhere.
There's nothing wrong with him.
House.
Shh.
I'm with a patient.
Sleep study.
You drugged him?
I didn't say the study was voluntary.
I think you're sick.
What, 'cause I'm sleeping in the clinic like I always do?
Slow reaction time.
Because I just woke up from sleeping in the clinic like I always do.
You're forgetful.
Sorry.
What did you say?
You forgot that we were supposed to have lunch.
I didn't forget.
I was sleeping in the clinic-- I'd like to run some tests.
For what?
Where's this coming from?
Hepatic encephalopathy.
I've watched you destroy your body with Vicodin for years.
I'm surprised your liver's lasted this long.
I'll do the examination myself.
While having you juggle my jewels sounds interesting, there's no such thing as friends with benefits.
It always gets weird.
Your friends out there are getting a little handsy.
Get enough death threats, eventually they start taking them seriously.
A convoy was hit outside of Kunar Province.
Eight American soldiers were killed.
Army spokesperson's claiming that it's revenge for the attack that I made public.
Better me take the blame than them.
You don't think you're to blame at all?
And you do.
Like everyone else.
A strike like that would take more than three days to plan.
So the next one might be your fault?
Lateral view looks good.
If you have such a negative opinion of the army, why did you enlist?
I needed to find out what really happened to my dad.
There were two redacted pages in his service record.
Going into intelligence was the quickest way to up my security clearance.
Then why would you leak that video?
Part of my job was to grab a cup of tea with the locals.
The face time is supposed to make them more likely to trust us with sensitive information, but they became my friends.
If there was another attack, civilian casualties, and I had done nothing...
Your spleen, it's enlarged.
We should do a biopsy and look for any-- He's got urinary bleeding.
Not just urinary.
Call the blood bank.
What's happening to him?
His spleen must be sequestering platelets.
He's bleeding too fast to wait for a platelet infusion.
We need to squeeze his spleen to release the ones he's got.
Tell the O.R.
we're on our way.
Pressure's dropping.
Almost there.
BP's 70 over 40, and he's hypovolemic.
Pressure's rising.
And he's starting to clot.
Good news is we can control the bleeding.
Bad news is...
Bleeding's not the problem.
Unless spleens are supposed to be lumpy.
He's clotting, but CT confirms splenic nodules.
Dr.
Taub has an interesting theory.
No, I don't.
You're forfeiting?
'Cause if you can't play the game and work...
Extramedullary hematopoiesis.
No history of anemia.
She's right.
You're an idiot.
Try again.
Where I come from, this is called cheating.
Where's that?
Stickford-upon-anus?
TB.
PPD's negative.
Could be bru-- Don't interrupt Dr.
Taub.
Brucellosis.
You just took out a family of four.
They were clearly armed insurgents, and anyone who claims or proves otherwise is a traitor.
No rash or back pain.
You defend the patient for being a whistleblower, then attack him for being an honorable whistleblower.
Now you defend him for being a maligned, honorable whistleblower?
Adjectives matter.
Hate nurses, love naughty nurses.
Taub, pitch again.
I've pitched like five-- It's your turn.
Lymphoma.
If cancer caused his seizures, we would have seen cerebral masses on his head CT.
Yes!
Taub, pitch again.
Now.
The nodules in his spleen were granulomas.
He's got sarcoidosis!
Someone tell him he's wrong.
Sorry, House.
Sarcoid does explain the seizures.
And the bruises.
Say bye-bye, House.
Yes!
Yes!
Sarcoidosis it is.
Treat with steroids.
Then come right back here, 'cause I'm not gonna rest until I've made orphans of all your virtual children.
House never loses.
Seriously?
Me beating House is medically significant?
It could be.
Reduced fine motor control.
Add that to inattention and liver flap.
It does make sense.
We have to talk to Foreman.
No, we don't.
First of all, because I can beat him in that game.
And, second, even if you are right, there's no reason to believe that House's medical judgment is impaired.
So we should wait until he kills someone for confirmation?
You really think it's a coincidence that we're treating a whistleblower and now talking about blowing the whistle on House?
You're right.
Playing dumb, messy signature, losing a video game-- it's way too complicated to fake.
No.
I won't take it.
Without this injection, you could have a fatal arrhythmia.
Tell Major Mathewson that I'm not taking any more treatment until they give me a live television interview.
You can't really think they'll agree to that.
People need to know the tape's not the reason for that attack.
They need to know why I did this.
The people who think you're a traitor will still think you're a traitor, and the people who think you're a hero will still think you're a hero.
The truth makes a difference.
If Dad were here, he'd be begging for you not to do this.
If Dad were here, he'd be proud of me.
The conspiracy theorists are gonna go nuts if the patient dies.
I told him that, and he told me that option is still less damaging than giving the kid a national platform.
So what do we do now?
You explain to your brother that he overplayed his hand.
That won't make any difference.
The idiot thinks he's doing the right thing.
What if we convinced a court that his refusal is part of an underlying psychiatric disorder?
They assign a conservator.
We do what we want.
Fraud.
Great.
Narcissistic personality disorder.
Both the leaking of the tape and the refusal of treatment indicate that he has no fear of consequences.
So instead of defrauding the court, you'll waste their time?
No way a judge classifies a personality disorder as a mental illness.
If a decorated military officer, who happened to be the patient's brother, corroborates, they might.
So you want me to sign a piece of paper that says my brother is crazy for doing what he thinks is right?
I want you to save his life.
His heart could go at any time.
He's a fool.
But he's not crazy.
The patient was refusing treatment because of honor, and his brother is refusing to be his conservator because of honor.
Oh, good.
Taub's cured the patient.
I had to go to the bathroom.
Bathroom's that way.
You just ran in from that way.
That one's been out of order for two days.
I had to go up to the third floor.
I'm not lying.
It's out of order.
I believe you.
I'm gonna fix it.
We could treat if he doesn't know he's being treated.
Lace his sponge bath.
It would take too long to reach his bloodstream.
What if we aerosolize steroids and blast the room?
Speaking of which...
It'd be too hard to get the prednisone concentrations right.
No one fixes anything unless they have a compelling reason.
If we're gonna treat, we have to give him a compelling reason, something that he wants more than an interview.
Fire in the hole!
A signed order from Major Mathewson.
They've agreed to declassify the redacted pages from your father's service record.
In two days, you'll have all your answers.
But the only way you'll live long enough to get the truth is by accepting treatment.
I don't trust the Army to follow through on this.
But you trust me.
I'll make sure those pages get here.
Okay.
Selfishness is apparently honorable now.
He wanted to create change.
Instead, he's just satisfying his own curiosity.
He's getting the truth.
Most he could hope for.
I need to take a dump.
Specifically, House's dump.
You set this up?
All it took was showing up two minutes late and a $2 sign.
Bile deposits are irregular.
House's liver is failing.
Cognitive impairment will get progressively worse.
What's going on?
My foot.
It's killing me.
It's completely cyanotic.
This isn't sarcoidosis.
Cholesterol embolization.
Are you gonna even acknowledge what we just told you?
That you pilfered my poo-poo?
Yeah, I was thinking it would be less awkward for all of us if we could just pretend that never happened.
It's not an embolization.
No instrumentation inside the arteries.
Thank you for getting us back-- And if we start you on treatment now, get you off Vicodin-- What's the opposite of "thank you"?
I'm pretty sure it ends in "you".
I know my body.
I'm fine.
Methemoglobinemia.
Army tests for G6PD deficiency.
If you're not sick, then our test, accurate 99.5% of the time, yielded a false positive three separate times.
The odds of that are 1 in 8 million.
The test is accurate.
The diagnosis isn't.
Sample was obviously contaminated with other foods interacting with my liver enzymes.
Now could we talk about the sick patient?
His clot dissolved.
That could have caused the vasospasm.
D.I.C.
could have been caused by Bernard Soulier syndrome.
And you're sick, and you have to do something about it.
If we had a patient file with the same symptoms you're exhibiting...
And the symptoms I'm not exhibiting?
Jaundice, ascites, fetor hepaticus.
We can't tell if your breath stinks because you've been popping mints like they're Vicodin.
You'd still diagnose hepatic encephalopathy.
I know that because four doctors you trained have unanimously diagnosed you with hepatic encephalopathy.
Park's right.
Treat the patient with Heparin.
We'll have a stronger argument if we go to Foreman as a united front.
We'll have a stronger argument if we have an argument.
If House is sick, it's his business, not Foreman's.
Foreman's business is to make sure his doctors are able to do their jobs, that lives aren't put at risk.
Telling Foreman will put lives at risk.
We tell Foreman, House either agrees to treatment or get suspended, which means House gets suspended.
And considering House at 90% is better than any other doctor at this hospital at 100%, that means our patients get a lower standard of care.
House could be at 90%, he could be at 60%, we don't know.
And until we do, there's no reason to do anything more than what we've done.
Blurry vision...
headache, a bit of nausea, and dizziness.
I am completely baffled.
I only had eight beers.
Sophomore class pong tournament's in a week.
I'm working on my tolerance.
Hop on one foot and singe the iCarly theme song.
Like you don't know it.
♪ I know, you see ♪ ♪ somehow the world will change for me ♪ ♪ and be so wonderful ♪ live life, breathe air ♪ Damn it, man.
Can't you see I'm doctoring?
♪ We're gonna get there and be so wonderful ♪ If you want to talk to me, you can buy me a sandwich in an hour.
Or I could just hover here until you're done.
♪ These-- Heard enough.
Just never could figure out the "breathe air" part.
Next year, stick to whiskey.
Or at least stay away from week-old green beers.
A lot less likely to contain tartrazine-laced green food dyes for which you apparently have an intolerance.
Once you break the seal, it'll be out of your system in 48 hours.
What are my choices here?
If I tell you I'm fine, you won't believe me.
I've scheduled a liver function test.
If I ignore you, then you'll just ignore my ignoring.
Which is rude, frankly.
Depending on the results, we'll customize a treatment plan.
If I tell you I think I'm sick and I need your help and we need to set up a time to talk about it, you'll just assume I'm lying.
Again, rude.
Also hurtful.
Why is it that you can find the smallest thing wrong with anyone else, but when it comes to you...
I really don't have a choice here, do I?
No, you don't.
I'm on the list.
But he's not.
You can't ignore me forever.
Well, if you're right, that's not gonna be all that long.
Do it slow.
Who are you?
Well, considering the only people allowed in this room are your doctors and your family...
I'm your long-lost cousin Ralph.
So glad to finally meet you.
Are you gonna check on me?
It's gonna be at least two hours until we can tell if the Heparin's working.
Then what are you doing here?
You know, my father taught me that it's dishonorable to interrupt someone when they're reading.
Honor's not a punch line.
Get out of my room.
So was it worth it?
Best case, you spend the rest of your life in Leavenworth.
Worst case, you spend the rest of your life here.
Justice for 34 deaths outweighs anything the Army can do to me.
They got justice?
Do they know that?
What if only ten people had died?
Four?
Even one civilian death...
What if they just maimed a few guys?
Would that have been worth it?
My job was to log that tape, get all the details in the official record.
After the tenth time of watching it, I stopped trying to convince myself that the shovel could have been mistaken for a gun.
'Cause all I could see were the victims' faces.
All I was doing was trying to read that kid's lips to make out his last words.
I couldn't sleep.
Couldn't eat.
Think I like the cue ball look?
My hair turned gray in three days.
My body was telling me I had to do whatever I could to make sure that something like this never happened again.
Your hair turned gray in three days.
Loss of hair color indicates an autoimmune condition, likely Grave's disease.
Hyperthyroidism leads to a hypercoagulable state, which causes thrombosis.
Start him on antithyroids.
You want to reject our current diagnosis because he had a few gray hairs, panicked, and shaved his head?
I want to reject our current diagnosis because I think we're wrong.
And treating for wrong diagnoses can result in side effects like death.
Even if he did full go gray, stress seems way more likely than Grave's.
I haven't read any journal articles proving that veterans have a higher incidence of depigmentation.
Of course, that could be the hepatic encephalopathy talking.
Our treatment for Bernard Soulier hasn't had time-- so you all just want to ignore the new symptom?
It's not grave's because it's not a symptom at all.
And the antithyroids you want could reduce his blood pressure and his ability to breathe.
Which can result in side effects, like death.
Small soda.
Grave's it is.
Start him on antithyroids.
I know we disagree with House all the time, but, before I could say, "okay, he's a genius."
Now...maybe he's just really smart.
We're not gonna give him the antithyroids.
Everything okay?
Any better?
Pretty good.
He did just ask me for a blanket.
You're cold?
A little.
For how long?
It's really nothing.
Maybe an hour or two.
He's at 104.
It's not Bernard Soulier.
Bold move.
You've gone from speculating I'm sick, to acting like I'm dead.
We acted like we don't trust your judgement, because we don't trust your judgement.
Why don't you start by not trusting your own.
We did more blood work, it's not Graves either.
Talk to you for a minute?
Anything you have to say to me, you can say to them.
It's only fair.
Cause anything they say to me, they also say to you.
Jiggle your pockets.
Whose got the silver coin?
Until you receive a clean bill of health, I'll be authorizing all treatment orders.
Well, I would say that that was an incredibly stupid mistake, but apparently I'd have to clear that opinion through Foreman first.
White count is high.
So all the infections we ruled out when he came in are back on the table.
Legionnaire's.
Unlikely without pneumonia.
Taub.
Loyalty issues in his personal life.
Makes sense that they'd cross over into his professional one.
I was hoping we can get a diagnosis before the witch hunt.
The patient's infection is an inherently less interesting puzzle than the stab wound to my back.
Fine.
I told Foreman.
Can we move on now?
What about dengue?
Patient isn't in enough pain.
No.
I don't mean about dengue.
I have no idea.
Taub's only confessing because he wants us to focus on the patient.
I told Foreman.
I did.
The next person to confess is fired.
Or Spartacus.
For clarification, no one's getting fired.
Who else has a pitch?
And then...there's Park.
The only one who didn't confess.
The same cowardice that makes someone unable to move out of mommy and daddy's home might also make someone a tattletale.
You threatened to fire the next person who-- And it's malaria.
No, it's not.
The Army issues anti-malaria medication.
And has done for ten years.
That's the equivalent of 5,000 generations of the Afghan mosquito, anopheles gambiae.
That's plenty long enough to develop a resistance.
Anopheles, by the way, is Greek for "useless."
Cover for intra-abdominal sepsis and treat with antimalarials.
And was I also right that it was a stupid idea?
We believe you have malaria.
These pills-- I don't want any medication.
My dad's file should have been here.
Brant, I told you, I looked into it.
There's just a delay.
I believe that's what the Army's saying.
I don't believe it's true.
If they're not going to keep their end of the bargain, neither am I.
So we got groped for nothing.
If he doesn't want to stay alive-- Hold on.
Is it too late to become his conservator?
I know what I said before.
Right now I don't care.
Of course not.
We'll get the paperwork drawn up.
He changed his mind?
Why?
His brother's dying.
He needs a more substantial reason?
His brother was dying the last time we asked him to be the conservator.
So instead of pushing the issue with the Army to get the file, he just decided to give up on his code?
Apparently.
So where do I sign?
We don't need you to.
The Army gave the file to you yesterday.
Major Mathewson had another copy sent over to us.
You know, there's a reason I didn't want that file released.
I know.
I read it.
I'm gonna treat my patient now.
I was right.
Wasn't I?
How did he die?
What did they cover up?
They didn't cover up anything.
I did.
Dad died in that car accident because he was drunk.
Killed a pedestrian too.
What are you-- what-- He drank, Brant, a lot.
You were too young to see it.
I, uh, I had some of dad's buddies...
take care of his files.
It was the only time I ever broke the rules.
I'm sorry.
Can I begin treatment?
Fever hasn't broken.
White count is still up.
Renal function is declining.
So he has all the signs of malaria, except the antimalarials aren't curing him.
Gonorrhea?
If it got into his heart...
We did an echo.
His valves look good.
What about-- you bastard.
You were faking.
Yesterday, House stole candy by putting it into a cup.
The cup was too small, so his solution was to remove some of the candy.
But the obviously logical thing was to just get a bigger cup, which he did today, because he's no longer faking.
He couldn't have faked it.
We tested your-- I took St.
John's Wort to alter the way my liver metabolized acetaminophen.
Then some n-acetylcysteine just to finish it off.
You tortured them to torture me just to see who you could trust?
I did it to save lives.
God, I wish I could rationalize that one.
And now you're going to brilliantly deduce which one of us is the rat?
What makes you think I haven't already?
To be continued.
I need to brilliantly cure a patient.
No hair usually means no lice.
What we didn't account for was that it wasn't your hair.
Tea was not the only thing that your Afghani neighbors shared with you.
I'm sure they were generous enough to let you sit on their furniture, which was infested with rat lice.
You have typhus.
Caused the vasculitis and explains all your other symptoms.
But here's where it gets interesting.
One of those symptoms, a lawyer might argue, was leaking the tape.
There are psychiatric issues associated with typhus.
If you change your mind, plead not guilty, you've got a case.
I'd be undermining everything I've been trying to do.
You did what you thought you had to do.
Going to jail proves nothing.
It proves I still have my honor.
You're not doing this for honor.
You're doing this to please your father.
And the pathetic thing is that the man you're trying to please never existed.
Traitor.
You've been avoiding me for two days.
'Cause, when I stranded you behind the barricades, you went straight to Foreman.
I've been avoiding you because you're an ass.
I've been an ass my whole life.
I can't get rid of you.
You can get rid of me now.
Just turn and limp away.
Huh.
Your whiny righteousness has the stench of sincerity.
Fine.
I have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
Makes sense.
Damn.
Now I'm gonna have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
You just said that.
Yeah, but I meant it this time.
First time I was just testing you.
Either you were gonna genuinely confess or falsely confess or actually...
His name's li'l Chase.
He's a rat.
You're a rat.
Get it?
Taub confessed to telling Foreman to protect the patient.
Adams confessed to protect Taub.
But your confession was just piling on.
There's no rational reason for you to have done it.
And my punishment will be nothing.
You wanted me to tell Foreman.
Your ability to solve puzzles is the only thing that matters to you.
And you're smart enough to know even you'll lose your edge at some point.
You want to make sure someone's there when you do.
If that were true, why are li'l Chase's li'l cousins scurrying through your apartment's floorboards right now?