Show: Everybody Loves Raymond - 2x6
Down came the rain and washed the spider out Out came the sun dried up all the rain The itsy, bitsy spider went up the spout again I Iove that spider.
You know, they couId be fussing and crying...
you start singing that song, it's musicaI chIoroform.
That's great, Ray.
Look at this.
You toId me you took care of the car guy.
Got another bill from him.
And the pediatrician is still sending us the bill...
because you haven't contacted the insurance agency.
The itsy bitsy spider Look, Ray.
I onIy asked you to do a coupIe of things.
Down came the rain Is it so difficuIt-- Washed the spider out Just next time-- Frere Jacques Hi, I'm Ray, and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife, Debra...
my 6-year-oId daughter and twin 2-year-oId boys.
My parents...
Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now, not every famiIy wouId defy gravity for you...
but mine wouId because-- Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't....
It's still warm.
Come here.
Sign your parents' anniversary card.
Look, a girI puppy nuzzIing a boy puppy.
Well, you've captured them. "
No bones about it, doggone it, we Iove you!"
I'm sorry.
I can't sign that.
I have an idea.
Why don't we send them the card you bought them?
Now I get it.
I get it now. "
Doggone it," 'cause there's dogs on it.
Very cIever.
I didn't see it at first.
I see it now.
-Wait a minute.
40th anniversary?
-Yep.
Wow.
That's a big one.
Are we doing anything?
What do you mean, "Are we doing anything?"
I mean, 40 years.
Is there gonna be a party or something?
-"Is there gonna be a party?"
-You know....
Yeah, I know, that kind of instant party...
where the earth just spIits open...
and dancing girIs fIy out with cupcakes.
I'd go to that party.
-You're such an idiot.
-What?
You're saying I shouId throw a party for your parents.
-I didn't say that.
-Why don't you throw them a party?
They're your parents.
-Is it so important whose parents they are?
-Yes!
I'm just saying, someone ought to...
and parties are your department.
You're so festive.
-Hey.
-Hey, Robert.
Here's the ointment I borrowed.
I don't know what happened to the appIicator.
You know what?
Keep it.
Listen, Robert.
Are you pIanning to do anything to ceIebrate your parents' anniversary?
Not really.
Why?
Is there gonna be a party or something?
-Debra doesn't want to make a party.
-Why shouId I make a party?
It is their 40th anniversary.
Okay, Iook, if you two want it on your conscience that this occasion went by...
and you did nothing, that's fine with me.
I'm out of it.
I got them a card.
-So what do you think?
-A party?
I don't know.
Maybe we shouId...
get some chips.
-What, Iike potato chips?
-Yeah.
-I Iike barbecue.
-Nice.
How about sour cream and onion?
No, wait a minute.
Is that too much?
It is their 40th.
-Yeah, that's true.
How about some dip?
-You know what?
We don't need dip.
-Yeah, 'cause the chips are aIready fIavored.
-Right.
Wait a minute.
What about the main food?
-Pizza?
-No.
I had pizza Iast night.
-Chinese?
-No.
Dad aIways imitates the deIivery guy.
-I got it!
I got it.
Six-foot hero!
-Six-foot hero!
-It goes with the chips.
-That's good!
We get the chips, sandwich.
We get some ice cream.
-Yeah.
Who can't do this?
-Of course.
You see?
Wait a minute.
Six-foot hero.
Now, that's a Iot of food.
I mean, who do we invite?
-You gotta figure a foot a person.
-Right.
Okay.
I can invite my girIfriend Amy, a coupIe of guys from the station.
-I can get Kevin and Andy-- -Stop!
Now stop!
This is your idea of a party?
Didn't you hear?
Six-foot hero.
Here. "
Stan, Lee, AIbert, Lucy."
What's this?
This is a reaI guest Iist for a party.
Lee and Stan?
That's a party?
This is not for you!
This is for your parents!
You invite their friends.
And you're not having a hero sandwich.
It's not a Super BowI party.
-Not with Lee and Stan it's not.
-All right.
Know what we'll do?
We'll make it a surprise party.
We'll have a nice buffet, some crudites, pasta saIad-- But you didn't wanna do it.
I have to now because I can't Iet this chip fest happen.
Get a Iot of ice.
Put a Iot of ice.
Hi!
You're home earIy.
How was the Happy Zone?
-I'm tired.
-Of course you're tired...
because Grandpa was too cheap to park at the Happy Zone.
That Iot costs $3 an hour.
I found a meter with time Ieft on it.
Thirty-seven minutes?
We had to run back so we wouIdn't get a ticket.
You call what you do running?
I saw other wives being picked up at the door.
I wish I couId pick up another wife at the door.
Maybe we shouId throw them separate parties.
That was a wonderfuI brunch, you two.
LoveIy.
But....
It was a IittIe much.
We just thought that you wouId enjoy a nice anniversary brunch.
-We don't enjoy things, dear.
-Guess why.
All right.
Come on.
We're supposed to be ceIebrating today, right?
This marriage is nothing to ceIebrate.
But 40 years, it's a big miIestone.
-Think of all the good times.
-I had one good year.
There you go.
-The year I Ieft your mother.
-What?
Frank!
The chiIdren!
What's the big secret?
We spIit up for a year.
I came back, didn't I?
Wait.
What are you taIking about?
-We aImost got divorced.
-What?
There's a sad word: "aImost."
I suppose it can't hurt to tell you now.
We separated for a year.
It was a terribIe time.
Separated?
When?
When was this?
It's not important, dear.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I want to know.
No, wait.
Surprise!
-Look, Frank, a party!
-HoIy crap!
Ma, what is this story?
Mom, Dad, happy anniversary.
Amy and I have prepared a few remarks.
-Come with me, both of you.
-No.
Your brother's taIking.
Webster's Unabridged Dictionary defines wedIock as....
Just keep toasting.
I'll have them back in a minute.
-The toast is for them.
-So is the cake.
You know what?
This is just gonna take a minute.
I made a spinach boat, so party down, everybody.
Hey, I saw cannoIis in there.
Later.
Listen, I want to know-- MeI, thanks for coming.
You got any decent Scotch?
Come on.
MeI, pIease, give us a minute here.
I was toId there'd be widows here.
Yeah.
In there.
-When were you guys separated?
-It was, Iike, 30 years ago.
Ray, I think the time for this is after the party, okay?
Nice, Raymond.
Very nice.
I practiced.
Did you know Mom and Dad were separated?
Again?
Wait, you knew?
Where the hell was I that year?
-You were watching teIevision.
-Yeah, Wild Wild West.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to bIow out these candIes?
Oh, how IoveIy.
No cake untiI I hear the story.
I'm sorry.
It's getting very hot.
All right.
Come on.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
We'd been Iiving here in this house.
We had had the kids, and....
When I think about it, we were a Iot Iike you and Debra.
What?
-What do you mean?
-Not Iike us.
Just Iike you two.
I think, Raymond, you were 6...
-and Robbie was....
-10, Ma.
-It's Ray plus four.
-That's right.
And I remember Frank and I were just like you two.
Everything was normal.
We'd had our differences.
But this was the day I realized...
the man I married had no respect for me whatsoever.
Don't make this a production, Marie.
I remember, I'd been cooking all day...
and you were taking your own sweet time coming down for dinner.
When I think of how many times I yelled, "Frank!"
A nice pot roast, little red potatoes...
carrots cooked in the sauce.
Before he even tasted a bite...
he had the nerve to ask me for salt.
Salt gives it taste.
That roast had taste.
It had oregano, garlic, paprika.
He wouldn't even try it!
It's my house!
I'm allowed to have salt if I want!
Even if it destroys another person?
You overreacted.
You're always overreacting!
-You're the one who Ieft.
-You threw me out.
Champagne for everybody.
We're busy, MeI.
-I've met my bride.
-CongratuIations.
And you thought I was gay.
-We shouId get out there.
-No.
Not untiI they finish.
Give me a break.
PIease tell me that cheese is from this party.
Okay.
After your father Ieft, we didn't taIk for a Iong time...
and I thought it was over.
But then you reaIized you made a big mistake and you got back together, right?
No.
Ray broke his arm.
Wait a minute.
Dad was there when I broke my arm.
Yeah, I started coming by to check on you.
Yeah, you were very concerned about Raymond.
He was very sweet with you, Raymond.
His arm was busted.
Everything kind of worked out from there.
How about that, Ray?
There wouIdn't even have been a 40th anniversary...
-if it wasn't for your IittIe arm, huh?
-Yeah.
Can we go now?
I'm out of cheese.
You just came from brunch.
Yeah.
Like you're not gonna eat again.
I'm going in.
You with me?
Wait a minute.
Doesn't that story bother you?
No.
Why shouId it?
It's water under the bridge.
We all turned out okay.
God, all this time I thought my parents ruined my Iife.
It turns out I ruined theirs.
You didn't ruin theirs.
They got back together because of you.
Right!
They couId've stayed apart...
met other peopIe, Ied happy, fuIfilling Iives.
Your parents?
They were different then.
Didn't you hear my mom?
Back then, they were just Iike you and me.
Yeah.
That was the worst part of that story.
Debra, dear, the guests are dipping their cups into the punchbowI...
since there's no IadIe.
Is that how you intended it?
I'll get a IadIe.
And they all Iived happiIy ever after.
Do you know what time it is?
Come to bed.
-Can't sIeep.
-Listen.
You got to stop feeIing guiIty about getting your parents back together.
You know what?
Think of them as, Iike, a terribIe virus.
If they had met other peopIe, the misery wouId've spread.
You kept it contained.
It's more than that.
-What, we're on to something worse?
-Yes.
What are we having tonight, Ray?
I don't know.
What if you and me....
What?
What if we end up Iike my parents, staying together just for the kids?
That wouId never happen, because I wouId take the kids.
And the house.
Here.
You can finish that.
What, you don't think we're happy?
Yeah, sure, now we're happy.
It's easy to be happy now.
But you're thinking, Iike, what, in 20 years....
Who knows?
My parents must have been happy once.
If you Iook at their wedding pictures, they're actually smiIing.
-In some of them.
-Ray!
We don't have to become them.
They didn't want to become them!
Nobody wants to become them!
-It just happens!
-Nobody eIse can become them.
This happened to them because they're them!
No!
It happened because they settIed.
Look, they got back together because of my arm.
By the time it heaIed...
they forgot they were never supposed to be together.
Now they're stuck.
-Till death do they part.
-They're not stuck.
I mean, come on, think about it.
There has to be a reason other than you why that marriage has Iasted 40 years.
Got to be another reason.
Yeah.
What might that be?
Spite.
How is this heIping?
All I know is, I Iove you.
Right?
We Iove each other.
That's why we're together.
Love.
Isn't that enough?
Yeah.
If you want to put all your eggs in that basket.
I just don't know how you couId say that to Maxine.
-What did I say?
-What did you say?
It's called a mentaI heaIth faciIity, Frank.
You don't waIk up to somebody who's just been reIeased...
and say, "How was the Ioony bin?"
She thought it was funny.
She Iaughed.
She Iaughs at everything.
She's out of her mind.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Did you see how your father behaved yesterday?
There was nothing wrong with me, and it's my house!
That gives you the right to unbuckIe your pants in front of peopIe?
What peopIe?
It's Lee and Stan.
And Maxine thought that was hystericaI.
You're impossibIe.
What about you?
Wanting to dance.
It was a party.
Yes!
PeopIe are eating.
ExactIy why you shouIdn't dance.
All right.
Stop it, will you?
How can you keep doing this?
What do you mean?
We're having breakfast.
Do you hear yourseIves?
Why are you yelling?
We're having a conversation.
No, you're not.
This is not a conversation.
It's bickering.
That's all you do.
Who are you to tell us what we do?
Leave us aIone.
The next time you want to dance, give me notice so I can kill myseIf.
Good.
I'll dance on your grave.
How are the eggs?
-They're good.
CouId use some more.
-Okay.
You want some eggs, honey?
Sit down.
-Where are the peppers?
-No peppers.
You aIways ask for peppers, and then you get heartburn.
It's not from the peppers!
Here.
Get in on some of this.
Here's the saIt.
-Is Robert here?
-He's watching teIevision.
How are you eating?
CIose your mouth before you chew.
CIose your mouth before you taIk.
-These eggs are good.
-Good.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Let me ask you something.
They're, Iike, happy in there, aren't they?
What do you mean?
I mean, they're, Iike, happy the way they are.
Yeah.
Of course they're happy.
Thank God.
Otherwise Iiving here wouId be very stressfuI.
So I guess it wasn't just my arm, then, huh?
Yeah, your arm.
You know, I've been meaning to tell you about that.
-You know how you fell off your bike?
-Yeah.
You didn't just fall off your bike.
What do you mean?
Dad was away so long, I figured he might come home sooner...
if you had a little accident.
Are you crazy?
I fIipped over the handIebars!
I couId've been killed!
I thought of that.
Then Dad wouId have come to the funeraI.
I'm gIad we taIked about this.
It's been on my mind.
How about the time I fell out of the tree house?
You.
-Bunk bed collapsing?
-Me.
-Dart in the Ieg.
-Me.
Accident.
-Hamster dying.
-God.
The time I aImost drowned.
Lake or ocean?
-Lake.
-You.
You know, they couId be fussing and crying...
you start singing that song, it's musicaI chIoroform.
That's great, Ray.
Look at this.
You toId me you took care of the car guy.
Got another bill from him.
And the pediatrician is still sending us the bill...
because you haven't contacted the insurance agency.
The itsy bitsy spider Look, Ray.
I onIy asked you to do a coupIe of things.
Down came the rain Is it so difficuIt-- Washed the spider out Just next time-- Frere Jacques Hi, I'm Ray, and I Iive here in Long IsIand with my wife, Debra...
my 6-year-oId daughter and twin 2-year-oId boys.
My parents...
Iive across the street.
That's right.
And my brother Iives with them.
Now, not every famiIy wouId defy gravity for you...
but mine wouId because-- Everybody Ioves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't....
It's still warm.
Come here.
Sign your parents' anniversary card.
Look, a girI puppy nuzzIing a boy puppy.
Well, you've captured them. "
No bones about it, doggone it, we Iove you!"
I'm sorry.
I can't sign that.
I have an idea.
Why don't we send them the card you bought them?
Now I get it.
I get it now. "
Doggone it," 'cause there's dogs on it.
Very cIever.
I didn't see it at first.
I see it now.
-Wait a minute.
40th anniversary?
-Yep.
Wow.
That's a big one.
Are we doing anything?
What do you mean, "Are we doing anything?"
I mean, 40 years.
Is there gonna be a party or something?
-"Is there gonna be a party?"
-You know....
Yeah, I know, that kind of instant party...
where the earth just spIits open...
and dancing girIs fIy out with cupcakes.
I'd go to that party.
-You're such an idiot.
-What?
You're saying I shouId throw a party for your parents.
-I didn't say that.
-Why don't you throw them a party?
They're your parents.
-Is it so important whose parents they are?
-Yes!
I'm just saying, someone ought to...
and parties are your department.
You're so festive.
-Hey.
-Hey, Robert.
Here's the ointment I borrowed.
I don't know what happened to the appIicator.
You know what?
Keep it.
Listen, Robert.
Are you pIanning to do anything to ceIebrate your parents' anniversary?
Not really.
Why?
Is there gonna be a party or something?
-Debra doesn't want to make a party.
-Why shouId I make a party?
It is their 40th anniversary.
Okay, Iook, if you two want it on your conscience that this occasion went by...
and you did nothing, that's fine with me.
I'm out of it.
I got them a card.
-So what do you think?
-A party?
I don't know.
Maybe we shouId...
get some chips.
-What, Iike potato chips?
-Yeah.
-I Iike barbecue.
-Nice.
How about sour cream and onion?
No, wait a minute.
Is that too much?
It is their 40th.
-Yeah, that's true.
How about some dip?
-You know what?
We don't need dip.
-Yeah, 'cause the chips are aIready fIavored.
-Right.
Wait a minute.
What about the main food?
-Pizza?
-No.
I had pizza Iast night.
-Chinese?
-No.
Dad aIways imitates the deIivery guy.
-I got it!
I got it.
Six-foot hero!
-Six-foot hero!
-It goes with the chips.
-That's good!
We get the chips, sandwich.
We get some ice cream.
-Yeah.
Who can't do this?
-Of course.
You see?
Wait a minute.
Six-foot hero.
Now, that's a Iot of food.
I mean, who do we invite?
-You gotta figure a foot a person.
-Right.
Okay.
I can invite my girIfriend Amy, a coupIe of guys from the station.
-I can get Kevin and Andy-- -Stop!
Now stop!
This is your idea of a party?
Didn't you hear?
Six-foot hero.
Here. "
Stan, Lee, AIbert, Lucy."
What's this?
This is a reaI guest Iist for a party.
Lee and Stan?
That's a party?
This is not for you!
This is for your parents!
You invite their friends.
And you're not having a hero sandwich.
It's not a Super BowI party.
-Not with Lee and Stan it's not.
-All right.
Know what we'll do?
We'll make it a surprise party.
We'll have a nice buffet, some crudites, pasta saIad-- But you didn't wanna do it.
I have to now because I can't Iet this chip fest happen.
Get a Iot of ice.
Put a Iot of ice.
Hi!
You're home earIy.
How was the Happy Zone?
-I'm tired.
-Of course you're tired...
because Grandpa was too cheap to park at the Happy Zone.
That Iot costs $3 an hour.
I found a meter with time Ieft on it.
Thirty-seven minutes?
We had to run back so we wouIdn't get a ticket.
You call what you do running?
I saw other wives being picked up at the door.
I wish I couId pick up another wife at the door.
Maybe we shouId throw them separate parties.
That was a wonderfuI brunch, you two.
LoveIy.
But....
It was a IittIe much.
We just thought that you wouId enjoy a nice anniversary brunch.
-We don't enjoy things, dear.
-Guess why.
All right.
Come on.
We're supposed to be ceIebrating today, right?
This marriage is nothing to ceIebrate.
But 40 years, it's a big miIestone.
-Think of all the good times.
-I had one good year.
There you go.
-The year I Ieft your mother.
-What?
Frank!
The chiIdren!
What's the big secret?
We spIit up for a year.
I came back, didn't I?
Wait.
What are you taIking about?
-We aImost got divorced.
-What?
There's a sad word: "aImost."
I suppose it can't hurt to tell you now.
We separated for a year.
It was a terribIe time.
Separated?
When?
When was this?
It's not important, dear.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I want to know.
No, wait.
Surprise!
-Look, Frank, a party!
-HoIy crap!
Ma, what is this story?
Mom, Dad, happy anniversary.
Amy and I have prepared a few remarks.
-Come with me, both of you.
-No.
Your brother's taIking.
Webster's Unabridged Dictionary defines wedIock as....
Just keep toasting.
I'll have them back in a minute.
-The toast is for them.
-So is the cake.
You know what?
This is just gonna take a minute.
I made a spinach boat, so party down, everybody.
Hey, I saw cannoIis in there.
Later.
Listen, I want to know-- MeI, thanks for coming.
You got any decent Scotch?
Come on.
MeI, pIease, give us a minute here.
I was toId there'd be widows here.
Yeah.
In there.
-When were you guys separated?
-It was, Iike, 30 years ago.
Ray, I think the time for this is after the party, okay?
Nice, Raymond.
Very nice.
I practiced.
Did you know Mom and Dad were separated?
Again?
Wait, you knew?
Where the hell was I that year?
-You were watching teIevision.
-Yeah, Wild Wild West.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to bIow out these candIes?
Oh, how IoveIy.
No cake untiI I hear the story.
I'm sorry.
It's getting very hot.
All right.
Come on.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
We'd been Iiving here in this house.
We had had the kids, and....
When I think about it, we were a Iot Iike you and Debra.
What?
-What do you mean?
-Not Iike us.
Just Iike you two.
I think, Raymond, you were 6...
-and Robbie was....
-10, Ma.
-It's Ray plus four.
-That's right.
And I remember Frank and I were just like you two.
Everything was normal.
We'd had our differences.
But this was the day I realized...
the man I married had no respect for me whatsoever.
Don't make this a production, Marie.
I remember, I'd been cooking all day...
and you were taking your own sweet time coming down for dinner.
When I think of how many times I yelled, "Frank!"
A nice pot roast, little red potatoes...
carrots cooked in the sauce.
Before he even tasted a bite...
he had the nerve to ask me for salt.
Salt gives it taste.
That roast had taste.
It had oregano, garlic, paprika.
He wouldn't even try it!
It's my house!
I'm allowed to have salt if I want!
Even if it destroys another person?
You overreacted.
You're always overreacting!
-You're the one who Ieft.
-You threw me out.
Champagne for everybody.
We're busy, MeI.
-I've met my bride.
-CongratuIations.
And you thought I was gay.
-We shouId get out there.
-No.
Not untiI they finish.
Give me a break.
PIease tell me that cheese is from this party.
Okay.
After your father Ieft, we didn't taIk for a Iong time...
and I thought it was over.
But then you reaIized you made a big mistake and you got back together, right?
No.
Ray broke his arm.
Wait a minute.
Dad was there when I broke my arm.
Yeah, I started coming by to check on you.
Yeah, you were very concerned about Raymond.
He was very sweet with you, Raymond.
His arm was busted.
Everything kind of worked out from there.
How about that, Ray?
There wouIdn't even have been a 40th anniversary...
-if it wasn't for your IittIe arm, huh?
-Yeah.
Can we go now?
I'm out of cheese.
You just came from brunch.
Yeah.
Like you're not gonna eat again.
I'm going in.
You with me?
Wait a minute.
Doesn't that story bother you?
No.
Why shouId it?
It's water under the bridge.
We all turned out okay.
God, all this time I thought my parents ruined my Iife.
It turns out I ruined theirs.
You didn't ruin theirs.
They got back together because of you.
Right!
They couId've stayed apart...
met other peopIe, Ied happy, fuIfilling Iives.
Your parents?
They were different then.
Didn't you hear my mom?
Back then, they were just Iike you and me.
Yeah.
That was the worst part of that story.
Debra, dear, the guests are dipping their cups into the punchbowI...
since there's no IadIe.
Is that how you intended it?
I'll get a IadIe.
And they all Iived happiIy ever after.
Do you know what time it is?
Come to bed.
-Can't sIeep.
-Listen.
You got to stop feeIing guiIty about getting your parents back together.
You know what?
Think of them as, Iike, a terribIe virus.
If they had met other peopIe, the misery wouId've spread.
You kept it contained.
It's more than that.
-What, we're on to something worse?
-Yes.
What are we having tonight, Ray?
I don't know.
What if you and me....
What?
What if we end up Iike my parents, staying together just for the kids?
That wouId never happen, because I wouId take the kids.
And the house.
Here.
You can finish that.
What, you don't think we're happy?
Yeah, sure, now we're happy.
It's easy to be happy now.
But you're thinking, Iike, what, in 20 years....
Who knows?
My parents must have been happy once.
If you Iook at their wedding pictures, they're actually smiIing.
-In some of them.
-Ray!
We don't have to become them.
They didn't want to become them!
Nobody wants to become them!
-It just happens!
-Nobody eIse can become them.
This happened to them because they're them!
No!
It happened because they settIed.
Look, they got back together because of my arm.
By the time it heaIed...
they forgot they were never supposed to be together.
Now they're stuck.
-Till death do they part.
-They're not stuck.
I mean, come on, think about it.
There has to be a reason other than you why that marriage has Iasted 40 years.
Got to be another reason.
Yeah.
What might that be?
Spite.
How is this heIping?
All I know is, I Iove you.
Right?
We Iove each other.
That's why we're together.
Love.
Isn't that enough?
Yeah.
If you want to put all your eggs in that basket.
I just don't know how you couId say that to Maxine.
-What did I say?
-What did you say?
It's called a mentaI heaIth faciIity, Frank.
You don't waIk up to somebody who's just been reIeased...
and say, "How was the Ioony bin?"
She thought it was funny.
She Iaughed.
She Iaughs at everything.
She's out of her mind.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Did you see how your father behaved yesterday?
There was nothing wrong with me, and it's my house!
That gives you the right to unbuckIe your pants in front of peopIe?
What peopIe?
It's Lee and Stan.
And Maxine thought that was hystericaI.
You're impossibIe.
What about you?
Wanting to dance.
It was a party.
Yes!
PeopIe are eating.
ExactIy why you shouIdn't dance.
All right.
Stop it, will you?
How can you keep doing this?
What do you mean?
We're having breakfast.
Do you hear yourseIves?
Why are you yelling?
We're having a conversation.
No, you're not.
This is not a conversation.
It's bickering.
That's all you do.
Who are you to tell us what we do?
Leave us aIone.
The next time you want to dance, give me notice so I can kill myseIf.
Good.
I'll dance on your grave.
How are the eggs?
-They're good.
CouId use some more.
-Okay.
You want some eggs, honey?
Sit down.
-Where are the peppers?
-No peppers.
You aIways ask for peppers, and then you get heartburn.
It's not from the peppers!
Here.
Get in on some of this.
Here's the saIt.
-Is Robert here?
-He's watching teIevision.
How are you eating?
CIose your mouth before you chew.
CIose your mouth before you taIk.
-These eggs are good.
-Good.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Let me ask you something.
They're, Iike, happy in there, aren't they?
What do you mean?
I mean, they're, Iike, happy the way they are.
Yeah.
Of course they're happy.
Thank God.
Otherwise Iiving here wouId be very stressfuI.
So I guess it wasn't just my arm, then, huh?
Yeah, your arm.
You know, I've been meaning to tell you about that.
-You know how you fell off your bike?
-Yeah.
You didn't just fall off your bike.
What do you mean?
Dad was away so long, I figured he might come home sooner...
if you had a little accident.
Are you crazy?
I fIipped over the handIebars!
I couId've been killed!
I thought of that.
Then Dad wouId have come to the funeraI.
I'm gIad we taIked about this.
It's been on my mind.
How about the time I fell out of the tree house?
You.
-Bunk bed collapsing?
-Me.
-Dart in the Ieg.
-Me.
Accident.
-Hamster dying.
-God.
The time I aImost drowned.
Lake or ocean?
-Lake.
-You.