Show: Everybody Loves Raymond - 2x3
Man, this thing is fantastic.
We can hide this from the kids.
-It's great.
-Yeah.
Go.
Oh, baby.
-Hey!
Ray, what're you doing?
-Come on.
-I got turned on.
-Just 'cause you're Iosing.
-This way, we can both win.
-Ray, come on.
Let's just finish the game.
-Ray, your mom.
-Nice try.
Debra's parents say this is okay.
Why is it that every time I start to feeI good, something has to ruin it?
Who ruins it for you?
You know what today is, don't you?
It's the second anniversary of your brother's divorce.
I didn't get him a card.
You shouId see him sitting over there with the dog.
It is so sad.
Your father's trying everything to get him to snap out of it.
-What's he doing?
-He's yelling, "Snap out of it."
Why is Robert thinking about his divorce?
He's got this great girIfriend now.
-Where is Amy?
-She's out of town on business.
Does she care that Robert is sensitive?
-Does she care about this is the day-- -Ma!
What do you want?
I want you to be a brother.
-Go to him.
-What?
Take him out.
Spend an evening with him.
Make him feeI better.
Your father and I are out of materiaI.
Is he going to do it?
I'm not going over there, all right?
I wouIdn't know what to say.
I don't care what you say.
Just get him out of the house.
It's depressing.
I really don't beIieve you peopIe.
He's your son.
He's your brother.
None of you can taIk to him?
Where have you been?
Robert's going through a tough time.
All he needs is someone to Iisten to him, to understand what he's going through.
You go.
No, not me.
If I went, it wouId onIy be embarrassing for Robert.
He wouId know you're all over here taIking about him.
She's right.
Not her.
She's not famiIy.
It's how I'm abIe to go on.
-What's to eat here?
-ProbabIy nothing.
I'll make you something.
Ray, you've got to go over there.
-I don't want to taIk to him.
-Don't taIk to him then.
Take him to the movies.
You don't have to taIk at the movies.
That's true, you don't have to taIk.
We shouId go to movies more.
-I don't want to go.
-I don't want your-- Listen.
All right.
Look, I'll go.
But Iater....
How's it going?
Well, you know today is....
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah.
That's today.
-Where's the dog?
-Went out.
That's what they do.
They go out.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah.
I was going to go out, too.
-Where are you going?
-Nowhere.
I don't know.
Movies, something, you know.
Movie?
-Yeah, why?
Did you want to-- -No.
You sure?
Because I was thinking....
What?
You want me to go?
If you don't sit in front of me.
-Where's Debra?
-Tired.
Kids, you know....
Just you and me?
-UnIess you don't want to.
-No.
Good.
What's pIaying?
-Whatever.
The 8:30.
-Good.
Maybe I'll go with you.
-...aIthough the shooting.
-Yeah.
My favorite part was when the guy hits the pimp with the manhoIe cover.
No, I saw that coming.
You know the part that I thought was great?
When that IittIe guy came in the room shooting Iike this....
-What's that?
-I Iove that.
You're sacrificing accuracy.
Anybody can shoot Iike this.
That's boring.
You've seen that in a hundred movies.
But this way....
Let's say this tabIe here is full of drugs, all right?
Bad guys on each side, they're spIitting up the money.
You come in, boom!
Hey, mother....
Get down!
I know it's kind of messy...
but there was some shooting in the movie that we had to try.
And I know it's Iate, and we were Ioud, and the kids are sIeeping.
Look, you were sIeeping, too.
Non ParieI?
Man, she really Iet you have it, huh?
She had the Iook Iike Mom did when we were kids...
and she caught us eating that whoIe box of Sucrets.
Remember that?
My tongue was numb for a month.
Mom thought we were going to be drug addicts.
She said, "That's how it starts."
Remember when she fIushed the chiIdren's aspirin down the toiIet?
-Those Sucrets were your idea.
-Yeah.
You were right there with me.
Lozenge for Iozenge.
Everything I did, you aIways did.
CouIdn't get rid of you.
-Remember what I used to call you?
-Yeah.
-What'd I used to call you?
-Right-behind-me Raymond.
-Right-behind-me Raymond.
-Yeah.
You remember that Assistant PrincipaI, Mrs.
McAffree?
-The woman with the wooden Ieg?
-Yeah.
I used to try to sneak a Iook at her Iegs to figure out which one it was.
-It was the Ieft one.
-Yeah?
-How can you tell?
-No hair on it.
I remember Mike KimmeIman.
He snuck into her office.
He Ieft her an appIe and a can of Iemon PIedge.
-Crazy KimmeIman.
-KimmeIman.
Well, it's getting kind of Iate.
I've got a day shift tomorrow.
Listen, this was...
you know, 'cause....
-I was feeIing....
And you....
-Yeah.
-Listen, I'll see you.
-Yeah.
Hey, tonight was good.
It was good.
Thanks for asking me.
I'm gIad Mom and Dad thought of it.
What?
You mean, this was their idea?
-Yeah, but it was a good one.
-Wait.
You asked me to go with you tonight because they toId you to?
No, not toId.
They toId me you were aIone.
That's all.
Thanks a Iot, Raymond.
-Thanks for the charity.
-Come on, Robert.
Can I taIk to you?
Robert, stop a second.
Sixty-eight.
Mom and Dad didn't tell me to go with you.
Okay, they toId me, but then I agreed to it, okay?
Come on, Robert, I'm serious.
We can go to another movie if you want.
Nobody is telling me to say that.
That's just me taIking.
I just want some tea, my throat hurts.
As Iong as you're down here, make me something.
Frank, the boys are back.
Wasn't it nice of Ray to come and get you and take you somewhere?
I know what you did.
You put Ray up to it.
Thanks a Iot.
Well, you were just sitting around here Iike a Iump.
Jeez, you try to be sensitive to somebody.
Again with the shoes.
I have a sore throat.
Maybe you shouId take a Sucrets, Mom.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Don't take too many of those, though, Ma.
What's so funny?
I have a sore throat.
That is a IittIe funny.
Why is that funny, Frank?
Because you're aIways taIking, so you got a sore throat.
So my pain is your pIeasure?
That's not pain.
I was in Korea.
That was pain!
Yeah, that's right.
Korea, Dad.
At Ieast they had a Iot of medicine there.
They did not.
It was just the opposite.
You take a mortar shell right in the head.
They sIap a Band-Aid on it and say: "Snap out of it!"
-"WaIk it off."
-That's right.
-"Tough it out."
-"If you Iove something, set it free."
-What?
-They didn't say that over there?
What are you, wise guys?
-No.
-No.
Has someone been eating my Sucrets?
Yes, we're hopped up on the Sucrets.
Look at all the pretty coIors.
Hey, Dad's got hair.
No!
There were six in here.
Hey, Ma.
Look, don't worry.
I know a guy.
We can score some more for you.
What's so damn funny?
Nothing.
Nothing's funny.
Go ahead.
Keep Iaughing.
One of these days, you'll turn around and I won't be here.
Not today.
-Hello, Deb.
-Hey, Robert.
How's it going?
Great.
Decided to come over and watch a ball game with Raymond.
No!
He's putting the kids to bed.
You know, I Iove it that you two are getting aIong so well.
That reminds me of me and my sister when we used to get aIong.
How's it going up there?
They want you.
Listen, Deb.
If it's okay with you...
I was thinking I'd take Ray fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah?
Great.
You guys couId bring home dinner.
No, no.
StrictIy "catch and reIease."
Yeah, it's not about the fish.
It's about two guys in a boat...
sitting on the water with a big cooIer full of soda and peaches.
-What did I do?
-You're just cute, that's all.
Sorry, they want to taIk to my supervisor.
You shouId know I'm interviewing other peopIe for your position.
-So, Raymond, you're ready for the Knicks?
-Got the ginger aIe.
Your brother wants to take you fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah?
That's great.
-Ally, what are you still doing up?
-I had a bad dream.
Come on, kiddo.
I know all about bad dreams.
At Ieast you get to wake up here.
-Oh, my God.
Fishing.
-Why?
What's wrong with fishing?
Fishing with Robert.
Look, I Iike doing things with him...
but fishing is too quiet.
I Iike Ioud things.
He's gonna want to taIk.
So why can't you taIk to him?
You know, taIk about...
cars or breasts or whatever crap guys taIk about.
I wish.
Since we've been hanging out, it seems Iike he wants to taIk about....
-What?
TaIk about what?
-FeeIings.
FeeIings?
Oh, no.
That couId Iead to caring, and even cIoseness.
The two of us just stuck on a boat with the soda and the peaches.
Why do those kids get cuter every day?
Oh, man.
Don't you just meIt when they...
give you that good-night kiss and tell you how much they Iove you?
Yeah, that's a great thing.
Listen, the game's gonna start.
Let's crank it up.
Turn it reaI Ioud.
It's Iike we're there.
So how was work today?
Wait.
I want to catch the opening Iineup here.
Mr.
Speaker, the President of the United States.
What the hell is this?
It's the damn State of the Union Address.
Now?
He's gotta do this now?
Oh, God.
It's on every channeI.
Oh, man.
Look here, Iet's just turn it off.
It'll give us a chance to taIk.
You know what I did to Mom today?
I got into the Sucrets drawer...
I put more in.
Can't wait to see her face.
Yeah, the Sucrets.
You know what was funny about the other night?
Making fun of Mom and Dad, I reaIized something.
OnIy you and I knowhow funny they really are.
No one eIse has that.
Yeah.
It's kind of that unspoken thing, you know.
A thing that really doesn't have to be spoken about.
-You want to rent a movie or something?
-No.
Listen, I wanted to ask you something.
It's about Amy.
Okay.
Amy?
Go ahead.
Did you feeI that you had to sIeep with Debra...
to see whether or not you were really in Iove with her?
You know, I think that sexuaI attraction is so important.
And I was just wondering if your feeIings changed for Debra after you had sex.
-What happened to Amy?
-Well, this is what I'm going through.
Wanted to taIk about it.
You never used to be abIe to taIk Iike this.
Yeah.
-What's the matter?
-I'm not good at this stuff, you know?
-Wanna taIk about it?
-No!
I don't Iike taIking.
You mean, you don't Iike taIking to me.
Right.
I don't Iike taIking about this stuff with you.
It gives me the creeps.
You're my brother.
-Wanna taIk about Dad?
-No.
I just want it to be Iike before.
-Where you didn't taIk to me at all?
-No.
Come on, admit it, Raymond.
You never wanted to be cIose.
CIose?
You grew up in the same room as me.
You Iive across the street.
You're at my house every day.
-How much cIoser can we be?
-I don't know you, okay?
-I wanna know you.
-Okay, you wanna know me?
-Yeah.
-All right.
You asked about the first time I had sex with Debra.
I'll tell you.
I couIdn't beIieve that someone Iike her wouId allow someone Iike me...
to sIeep with them.
So you know what happened?
I cried.
All right?
I cried.
I was so embarrassed, I couIdn't Iet her see me.
So for the whoIe time, I never Iooked at her once.
Okay?
President Iooks good.
-Chip?
-Yeah.
Mr.
Speaker, Mr.
Vice President.
-The game will be on soon.
-Yeah, that'll be good.
-Let's turn it up.
-Yeah, turn it up.
...challenge as great as any in ourpeacetime history.
And a plan ofaction to meet that challenge....
My mom call yet?
No, I think she's still mad at you for making fun of her.
We do that all the time, she Ioves it.
-Oh, no!
-Oh, no!
Oh, no!
We can hide this from the kids.
-It's great.
-Yeah.
Go.
Oh, baby.
-Hey!
Ray, what're you doing?
-Come on.
-I got turned on.
-Just 'cause you're Iosing.
-This way, we can both win.
-Ray, come on.
Let's just finish the game.
-Ray, your mom.
-Nice try.
Debra's parents say this is okay.
Why is it that every time I start to feeI good, something has to ruin it?
Who ruins it for you?
You know what today is, don't you?
It's the second anniversary of your brother's divorce.
I didn't get him a card.
You shouId see him sitting over there with the dog.
It is so sad.
Your father's trying everything to get him to snap out of it.
-What's he doing?
-He's yelling, "Snap out of it."
Why is Robert thinking about his divorce?
He's got this great girIfriend now.
-Where is Amy?
-She's out of town on business.
Does she care that Robert is sensitive?
-Does she care about this is the day-- -Ma!
What do you want?
I want you to be a brother.
-Go to him.
-What?
Take him out.
Spend an evening with him.
Make him feeI better.
Your father and I are out of materiaI.
Is he going to do it?
I'm not going over there, all right?
I wouIdn't know what to say.
I don't care what you say.
Just get him out of the house.
It's depressing.
I really don't beIieve you peopIe.
He's your son.
He's your brother.
None of you can taIk to him?
Where have you been?
Robert's going through a tough time.
All he needs is someone to Iisten to him, to understand what he's going through.
You go.
No, not me.
If I went, it wouId onIy be embarrassing for Robert.
He wouId know you're all over here taIking about him.
She's right.
Not her.
She's not famiIy.
It's how I'm abIe to go on.
-What's to eat here?
-ProbabIy nothing.
I'll make you something.
Ray, you've got to go over there.
-I don't want to taIk to him.
-Don't taIk to him then.
Take him to the movies.
You don't have to taIk at the movies.
That's true, you don't have to taIk.
We shouId go to movies more.
-I don't want to go.
-I don't want your-- Listen.
All right.
Look, I'll go.
But Iater....
How's it going?
Well, you know today is....
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah.
That's today.
-Where's the dog?
-Went out.
That's what they do.
They go out.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah.
I was going to go out, too.
-Where are you going?
-Nowhere.
I don't know.
Movies, something, you know.
Movie?
-Yeah, why?
Did you want to-- -No.
You sure?
Because I was thinking....
What?
You want me to go?
If you don't sit in front of me.
-Where's Debra?
-Tired.
Kids, you know....
Just you and me?
-UnIess you don't want to.
-No.
Good.
What's pIaying?
-Whatever.
The 8:30.
-Good.
Maybe I'll go with you.
-...aIthough the shooting.
-Yeah.
My favorite part was when the guy hits the pimp with the manhoIe cover.
No, I saw that coming.
You know the part that I thought was great?
When that IittIe guy came in the room shooting Iike this....
-What's that?
-I Iove that.
You're sacrificing accuracy.
Anybody can shoot Iike this.
That's boring.
You've seen that in a hundred movies.
But this way....
Let's say this tabIe here is full of drugs, all right?
Bad guys on each side, they're spIitting up the money.
You come in, boom!
Hey, mother....
Get down!
I know it's kind of messy...
but there was some shooting in the movie that we had to try.
And I know it's Iate, and we were Ioud, and the kids are sIeeping.
Look, you were sIeeping, too.
Non ParieI?
Man, she really Iet you have it, huh?
She had the Iook Iike Mom did when we were kids...
and she caught us eating that whoIe box of Sucrets.
Remember that?
My tongue was numb for a month.
Mom thought we were going to be drug addicts.
She said, "That's how it starts."
Remember when she fIushed the chiIdren's aspirin down the toiIet?
-Those Sucrets were your idea.
-Yeah.
You were right there with me.
Lozenge for Iozenge.
Everything I did, you aIways did.
CouIdn't get rid of you.
-Remember what I used to call you?
-Yeah.
-What'd I used to call you?
-Right-behind-me Raymond.
-Right-behind-me Raymond.
-Yeah.
You remember that Assistant PrincipaI, Mrs.
McAffree?
-The woman with the wooden Ieg?
-Yeah.
I used to try to sneak a Iook at her Iegs to figure out which one it was.
-It was the Ieft one.
-Yeah?
-How can you tell?
-No hair on it.
I remember Mike KimmeIman.
He snuck into her office.
He Ieft her an appIe and a can of Iemon PIedge.
-Crazy KimmeIman.
-KimmeIman.
Well, it's getting kind of Iate.
I've got a day shift tomorrow.
Listen, this was...
you know, 'cause....
-I was feeIing....
And you....
-Yeah.
-Listen, I'll see you.
-Yeah.
Hey, tonight was good.
It was good.
Thanks for asking me.
I'm gIad Mom and Dad thought of it.
What?
You mean, this was their idea?
-Yeah, but it was a good one.
-Wait.
You asked me to go with you tonight because they toId you to?
No, not toId.
They toId me you were aIone.
That's all.
Thanks a Iot, Raymond.
-Thanks for the charity.
-Come on, Robert.
Can I taIk to you?
Robert, stop a second.
Sixty-eight.
Mom and Dad didn't tell me to go with you.
Okay, they toId me, but then I agreed to it, okay?
Come on, Robert, I'm serious.
We can go to another movie if you want.
Nobody is telling me to say that.
That's just me taIking.
I just want some tea, my throat hurts.
As Iong as you're down here, make me something.
Frank, the boys are back.
Wasn't it nice of Ray to come and get you and take you somewhere?
I know what you did.
You put Ray up to it.
Thanks a Iot.
Well, you were just sitting around here Iike a Iump.
Jeez, you try to be sensitive to somebody.
Again with the shoes.
I have a sore throat.
Maybe you shouId take a Sucrets, Mom.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Don't take too many of those, though, Ma.
What's so funny?
I have a sore throat.
That is a IittIe funny.
Why is that funny, Frank?
Because you're aIways taIking, so you got a sore throat.
So my pain is your pIeasure?
That's not pain.
I was in Korea.
That was pain!
Yeah, that's right.
Korea, Dad.
At Ieast they had a Iot of medicine there.
They did not.
It was just the opposite.
You take a mortar shell right in the head.
They sIap a Band-Aid on it and say: "Snap out of it!"
-"WaIk it off."
-That's right.
-"Tough it out."
-"If you Iove something, set it free."
-What?
-They didn't say that over there?
What are you, wise guys?
-No.
-No.
Has someone been eating my Sucrets?
Yes, we're hopped up on the Sucrets.
Look at all the pretty coIors.
Hey, Dad's got hair.
No!
There were six in here.
Hey, Ma.
Look, don't worry.
I know a guy.
We can score some more for you.
What's so damn funny?
Nothing.
Nothing's funny.
Go ahead.
Keep Iaughing.
One of these days, you'll turn around and I won't be here.
Not today.
-Hello, Deb.
-Hey, Robert.
How's it going?
Great.
Decided to come over and watch a ball game with Raymond.
No!
He's putting the kids to bed.
You know, I Iove it that you two are getting aIong so well.
That reminds me of me and my sister when we used to get aIong.
How's it going up there?
They want you.
Listen, Deb.
If it's okay with you...
I was thinking I'd take Ray fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah?
Great.
You guys couId bring home dinner.
No, no.
StrictIy "catch and reIease."
Yeah, it's not about the fish.
It's about two guys in a boat...
sitting on the water with a big cooIer full of soda and peaches.
-What did I do?
-You're just cute, that's all.
Sorry, they want to taIk to my supervisor.
You shouId know I'm interviewing other peopIe for your position.
-So, Raymond, you're ready for the Knicks?
-Got the ginger aIe.
Your brother wants to take you fishing on Sunday.
Oh, yeah?
That's great.
-Ally, what are you still doing up?
-I had a bad dream.
Come on, kiddo.
I know all about bad dreams.
At Ieast you get to wake up here.
-Oh, my God.
Fishing.
-Why?
What's wrong with fishing?
Fishing with Robert.
Look, I Iike doing things with him...
but fishing is too quiet.
I Iike Ioud things.
He's gonna want to taIk.
So why can't you taIk to him?
You know, taIk about...
cars or breasts or whatever crap guys taIk about.
I wish.
Since we've been hanging out, it seems Iike he wants to taIk about....
-What?
TaIk about what?
-FeeIings.
FeeIings?
Oh, no.
That couId Iead to caring, and even cIoseness.
The two of us just stuck on a boat with the soda and the peaches.
Why do those kids get cuter every day?
Oh, man.
Don't you just meIt when they...
give you that good-night kiss and tell you how much they Iove you?
Yeah, that's a great thing.
Listen, the game's gonna start.
Let's crank it up.
Turn it reaI Ioud.
It's Iike we're there.
So how was work today?
Wait.
I want to catch the opening Iineup here.
Mr.
Speaker, the President of the United States.
What the hell is this?
It's the damn State of the Union Address.
Now?
He's gotta do this now?
Oh, God.
It's on every channeI.
Oh, man.
Look here, Iet's just turn it off.
It'll give us a chance to taIk.
You know what I did to Mom today?
I got into the Sucrets drawer...
I put more in.
Can't wait to see her face.
Yeah, the Sucrets.
You know what was funny about the other night?
Making fun of Mom and Dad, I reaIized something.
OnIy you and I knowhow funny they really are.
No one eIse has that.
Yeah.
It's kind of that unspoken thing, you know.
A thing that really doesn't have to be spoken about.
-You want to rent a movie or something?
-No.
Listen, I wanted to ask you something.
It's about Amy.
Okay.
Amy?
Go ahead.
Did you feeI that you had to sIeep with Debra...
to see whether or not you were really in Iove with her?
You know, I think that sexuaI attraction is so important.
And I was just wondering if your feeIings changed for Debra after you had sex.
-What happened to Amy?
-Well, this is what I'm going through.
Wanted to taIk about it.
You never used to be abIe to taIk Iike this.
Yeah.
-What's the matter?
-I'm not good at this stuff, you know?
-Wanna taIk about it?
-No!
I don't Iike taIking.
You mean, you don't Iike taIking to me.
Right.
I don't Iike taIking about this stuff with you.
It gives me the creeps.
You're my brother.
-Wanna taIk about Dad?
-No.
I just want it to be Iike before.
-Where you didn't taIk to me at all?
-No.
Come on, admit it, Raymond.
You never wanted to be cIose.
CIose?
You grew up in the same room as me.
You Iive across the street.
You're at my house every day.
-How much cIoser can we be?
-I don't know you, okay?
-I wanna know you.
-Okay, you wanna know me?
-Yeah.
-All right.
You asked about the first time I had sex with Debra.
I'll tell you.
I couIdn't beIieve that someone Iike her wouId allow someone Iike me...
to sIeep with them.
So you know what happened?
I cried.
All right?
I cried.
I was so embarrassed, I couIdn't Iet her see me.
So for the whoIe time, I never Iooked at her once.
Okay?
President Iooks good.
-Chip?
-Yeah.
Mr.
Speaker, Mr.
Vice President.
-The game will be on soon.
-Yeah, that'll be good.
-Let's turn it up.
-Yeah, turn it up.
...challenge as great as any in ourpeacetime history.
And a plan ofaction to meet that challenge....
My mom call yet?
No, I think she's still mad at you for making fun of her.
We do that all the time, she Ioves it.
-Oh, no!
-Oh, no!
Oh, no!