Show: Pepper Dennis - 1x9
Corky, you got to hold me the time.
I can't do the interview without these bastards' tax returns.
Because, when I bring up the money laundering, I'm going to throw them down.
No, not them, the tax returns...
for emphasis.
Amateur.
Oh, Corky?
They're in.
I'm making copies; I'll be there in five.
Oh!
Interception!
Darden, would you please?
I'm on deadline.
You know what really freezes my puck, Dennis?
It's all your backhanded shots at Sports.
We have deadlines, too.
This is the office football pool.
$500 pot, pom-poms.
May I?
Booyah!
Relinquish the document feeder, Darden.
Use the one upstairs, Dennis.
Number of copies: Two-zero...
zero, start.
Oh, no, he didn't.
Oh, it is on, ball boy.
Put it back.
Dennis, that won't stop the machine.
Oh, that's totally uncool!
Put it on...
Why are you...
Give it...
aw, come on.
I'm sure you're all well aware of this morning's tragic accident.
I have been assured Guy Darden will be back in fighting shape in a few days.
Until the service tech comes, all duplication needs will have to be taken upstairs.
And everyone in the football pool is going to need to redo their sheets.
Paramedics said they weren't salvageable.
Pepper, since we're short on bodies, you're covering Darden's story.
It's a human interest piece.
Grady Harper is hosting an event at his estate for his kids' foundation.
Les, throwing me onto the field with the Chicago Cheetahs' quarterback is absurd.
It's like asking Blanca to put on underwear.
She's right.
It's just not done.
I'll take that assignment off your hands there, Les.
It's the least I could do to, you know, help pitch in.
Sounds like you really want this one, Babcock.
Kind of reminds me of the Pope story I really wanted.
The one you came in and took away.
You know what, despite my lack of knowledge on the subject, I think I'll run with it, Les.
I really feel that this should be me.
I happen to know everything there is to know about the man.
Dennis here is admittedly clueless.
I'll do some Googling.
Heisman winner, first-round draft pick, '96 draft, 357 career touchdowns passes, over 45,000 passing yards, 4,200 completions, and a career quarterback rating of 96.9.
Thanks, Babcock.
Saved me some shoe leather.
Football star Grady Harper has once again opened his arms and his estate to the kids from his Future All-Stars Foundation.
With me is team owner, Kenny Aptow.
Mr.
Aptow, we all know that Grady Harper is in the middle of a huge contract renegotiation.
I guess the question on everyone's mind is, will you re-sign him?
Well, Grady Harper is one of the finest athletes and finest men to ever grace the city of Chicago.
I'll damn-well do anything in my power to make that deal go.
You heard it here first, direct from the source.
Encouraging words for Chicagoans who anxiously wait to see if their hero will remain.
Incoming!
Pepper!
Are you all right?
God?
Not quite, Miss.
Grady Harper.
You're going to be okay.
I think we should call 9-1-1 before...
Go back and play with the other kids, son.
She'll be fine.
Doc's going to take a look at you right away.
But it's no big deal.
Shh.
I'll take care of you.
Sounds good to me.
So he carried me into his mansion, which by the way, for a guy, is pretty pulled together.
Really?
What style?
Mm.
Eclectic contemporary with good use of leather.
How is the kitchen?
Dinkle girls, stay on topic.
Then, the strong, sexy man did what?
He called in the team physician to work on the tiny cut on my knee, and the whole time, he stood next to me with his hand on my arm like this.
Do me, do me.
We talked for hours, we connected.
He listened to what I had to say, he cares about what I think.
Oh, sweetie, this could be the end of your dry spell.
Hey, I date.
Semi-tragically.
I believe Babcock and the mayor were the only two this fiscal year.
Well, slide another bead down the abacus, ladies, 'cause Grady and I are having dinner tonight.
What's knittin', kittens?
Pepper and Grady Harper.
They're going to have dinner tonight, and he touched her arm like this.
Kathy.
Dennis, you can't do this.
Babcock, you have to stop reacting like this every time I meet a guy.
No, forget that.
This is my dinner.
I should've been at that fundraiser today, where I should have hit it off with Grady.
Someone has a man-crush.
He's my pigskin god.
You know what?
I'm willing to share.
Take me with you.
It's a date.
So I'll settle for an introduction.
I'm not going to introduce you.
What are you, eight?
Go away.
Forget it.
Not in a million years.
I hope you're happy.
There they are, my fellow graduates at Glen Ellyn Montessori.
I wish I went to a tiny place like that.
No, you don't.
When there's only eight people in your class, there's no way you can hide anything-- a crush, a pimple, an untimely rise in the Levis during speech class.
Tell me that wasn't you.
I'm not going to this reunion.
There's no way I can face the other graduates.
I mean, look what they have already done.
Sam Brody?
Liz Phair's manager.
Merrilee Boxcar?
VP of human resources, engaged.
Josh Fields works in the White House.
He's probably under indictment.
I can't even bring myself to fill out the online questionnaire.
So why don't you just lie?
Because that's...
that's lying.
You think your fellow grads aren't getting creative?
It's pretty much a given at this type of thing.
At my ten year, I was a driver all right.
Indianapolis 500.
How do you live with yourself?
You know what sounds good?
Chick Dirka, Associate Producer.
Huh?
You know the weird thing?
People don't understand that it's a job.
I work hard.
I know.
People don't realize how much energy goes into every story.
And every game.
I prepare all week to get on the field.
Same.
Which is the problem.
There's never time for anything else.
Friends and family never understand it.
Right.
But it's worth it.
When I'm on that field, I feel so connected with my fans.
I feel the same way.
It's as if I'm truly making a...
Contribution.
Mr.
Harper, mind if I get one?
I am so sorry about this.
It comes with the territory.
It's okay.
Could you get a little closer?
Eh...
Closer.
Can't get any closer than this.
I hope that wasn't too forward of me.
The moment just seemed...
Perfect.
Excuse me.
With compliments from the gentleman at the bar.
What a small world.
Grady, Charlie Babcock, Anchor, WEiE.
I work with...
...your lady friend here.
Oh, of course.
I can't believe...
Isn't this place amazing?
If you'd like to join us...
I really couldn't.
You really shouldn't.
Oh, what the hell.
Don't you look pretty?
Everybody drinking?
Wow.
I'm used to seeing you on the TV screen, but up close, one sees what a finely-tuned athletic specimen you are.
He's a good-looking fella, huh?
Oh, and what a great watch.
Is that a Ventura?
Takes a man with an eye for style to zone in on the Italian watchmakers.
Well, thanks.
If you two will excuse me for a moment.
Restroom.
Take your time, Stretch.
His friends call him Stretch.
I was crystal clear that you were not welcomed tonight.
I made a judgment call, okay?
And I judged that it was more important for me than you.
The guy goes through supermodels like Gatorade, but for me, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
I love that guy.
And I need him to...
sign these.
One for me, one for my Dad.
Put those away!
You know why he walked away, don't you?
You probably embarrassed him.
I did not.
There's slobber all down your front.
He probably slipped out the service entrance.
Maybe you're right; maybe I was too pushy.
I'll fix it.
So help me God, Babcock.
Do not follow him into the john.
Babcock, don't go in there!
Don't worry.
It's under control.
Grady.
Oh.
Hey, man.
Listen, uh, I just wanted to say that maybe I came on a little too strong out there.
Too strong?
Yeah, I got near you, and suddenly I didn't even know what was coming out of my mouth.
It's okay.
I'm just going to say this.
I know it may sound crazy, but...
I deliberately showed up here tonight.
The truth is, I've always admired you from afar, and I had this crazy notion that if I ever met you, then we'd, you know, sort of hit it off.
Maybe we should hang sometime.
Really?
Sure.
Catch a flick.
Just us guys.
Dude, you're on.
Nice.
What?
Your watch.
Oh.
Cartier, isn't it?
Yeah, it's Cartier.
Nice to meet you, Charlie.
Oh, my God.
He totally wants you.
You think?
Okay, spill.
Did he go long in the loft?
Try peck on the cheek at the door.
He was distracted the entire night after our anchor accosted him in the bathroom.
What did Charlie say?
I don't know.
He's been avoiding me.
But there's no way he's foiling my plans tonight.
Grady thinks he's taking me out.
Instead, I'm surprising him with dinner at the loft.
Well, dinner and more.
Mm, you vixen.
The custom bra.
You giant vixen.
All right.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Endless Kissable.
They claim that no amount of lip smacking can rub this stuff off.
Your mission: prove them wrong.
I'm telling you, Kimmy, tonight the skies open up, and the heavens rain down on my dating dry spell.
Charlie Babcock in Accounting?
Milford, I know that you're a gay man...
Oh, my God.
What gave me away?
Just a hunch.
Milford, I know a lot about a lot of things, but not so much about the gay community.
Talk to me, Charles.
Confide.
Well, you see, last night I went out to dinner with...
my sister.
My sister and her new boyfriend.
And I was next to him in the bathroom, you know, after dinner, at adjacent urinals.
I like where this is going.
We were just hanging, having a little chat, when all of a sudden, I could swear he was, you know, sort of...
Sneaking a peek?
Yeah.
Possibly.
And then he says, "Nice."
Mm-hmm.
And then the minute he saw that I was kind of thrown, he said he was talking about my watch.
We've got a homo on our hands, no question.
That's impossible.
He thought you were interested, and he was testing the waters.
When he found out he was barking up the wrong tree, so to speak, he covered with the "nice watch line," which, incidentally, we have been using for centuries.
Is there a code book for all this?
No, but I'd be happy to provide you with some useful literature.
It's for your sister.
Associate...
No, no.
Senior producer.
This is so freeing.
I mean, my whole life, I've just held myself to these standards of truth and honesty, and it's made me completely miserable.
All right, we got you in a penthouse on the lake, you're a senior producer...
We're almost done.
Will you be attending alone or will you be bringing a guest?
Oh, no, no-- I went to every prom and high school dance stag.
If I tell them I'm coming alone they're gonna question everything.
I need a date.
Pepper Dennis?
Dude, are you crazy?
You're right, you're right, that's too far, to far.
I'll just get that out of here.
Not the return key, fool!
Dennis, we need to talk.
No need to apologize for your behavior last night, Babcock.
I'm in too good of a mood, and I'm running late for a very hot date.
We'll just let this one slide, okay?
Clean slate.
Bye-bye.
Grady's gay.
Excuse me?
Considering the sensitivity of who was involved here, I had to get confirmation before I told you.
Exactly what kind of confirmation...
Not that.
I talked to Milford in accounting.
I just don't want to see anyone get hurt.
Hey, you can help.
Be part of Grady's support system.
Don't put pressure on him to say anything, just let him know that when he's ready, you'll be there to listen.
What exactly makes you think he's gay?
He hit on me.
Grady Harper hit on you.
In the men's bathroom.
First, he said that we should hang, just us guys.
Then he checked out my penis.
He seemed to like it, by the way.
Not that you need a second opinion.
He commented on your...
No.
He said I had a nice watch, which is code for penis.
There's more code in gay culture than a covert CIA operation.
I can't expect you to understand it all.
The point is...
That you're a jackass?
If he's so gay, why is he dating me?
If he's so gay, why is he kissing me? "
Most people in the closet deal with a constant barrage of confusing feelings."
He's not gay.
He's the furthest thing from gay.
You're just having a meltdown because your man crush isn't interested in you.
He wants me.
Well, thanks to you, Babcock, tonight he's gonna get it.
All night long.
Poor Liza.
So...
want to grab that movie?
Nah.
Are you still hungry?
I'm stuffed.
The cobbler was something else, by the way.
Apple.
Tart apple.
Tarty.
What'd you use, a Pippin?
They're great for baking.
How do you know that?
My family has an orchard.
Of course.
The Pippin is lovely.
Terrific musical, too.
My mom used to play that record all the time when we were...
Why don't we go into the living room?
It's so much more comfortable in here, don't you think?
Why don't you come relax over here?
This is better for my back.
Aw...
Poor baby.
Here...
let me.
How's that?
Good.
Grady, what's wrong?
Nothing.
Yes, there is.
And I think I know what.
You do?
You're a gentleman from rural Ohio.
Sweet, shy, too polite to make the first move.
Am I right?
I'm sorry, Pepper.
It's just the way that I was raised.
I guess that...
Don't apologize.
You're used to small town girls.
A movie, an ice cream soda and a kiss on the cheek at the door.
Well, we big city girls have a different style.
Get ready for shock and awe.
I'm wasting my time here, aren't I?
What do you mean?
You know what I mean.
I can't talk to you about this.
You're a reporter.
Not tonight.
Look, I really like you.
But I need to know where I stand.
Grady, are you gay?
Damn.
That kissable lipstick is endless.
Yeah.
Not a smudge.
Here.
I'm done with these.
Pet Shop Boys, Erasure, Chicago soundtrack...
Kylie?
Pepper, this is the pre-party music of our lives.
No, Kimmy, it's a pride-party in a box and I'm done.
How much have I given the gays?
I walk their walk-a-thons, I watch their makeover shows.
Hell, I even led the charge for Clay Aiken with 300 text messages.
Clay's not gay.
Perfect.
Then Grady Harper can have his spot on the float.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I am filled with gay rage.
How'd the date go?
Totally, totally amazing.
We're so into each other, it's like we can read each other's minds.
This just came off the wire. "
A Chicago writer named Sheldon Zorn is in final negotiations with Harper-Collins to publish his book Memoirs of a Gridiron Husband, which chronicles his alleged homosexual relationship with a current Chicago football star."
Sounds like Grady.
Don't be a rookie, Babcock.
This could be about any number of football players.
You're Grady Harper's beard!
Speculation is all over the Internet.
Tell me what you know, Dennis.
You signed a contract.
I own you.
This is my personal life.
I'm not obligated to tell you anything.
Pepper, gay quarterback plus in-house beard equals Super bowl ratings.
Les, I will not allow our station to take part in this outing.
The worst thing you can do is drag someone out of the closet before they're ready.
What's this?
Unity.
Hello?
Grady, oh, hi.
Okay, okay, calm down.
I'll be right over.
Pepper?
Pepper, hey, I have a favor to ask.
You've got 45 seconds.
Oh, okay.
Well, um, it turns out my ten-year high school reunion is coming up.
Ugh.
Mine was a bust.
Bunch of losers who didn't move an inch forward from the time they left high school.
Yeah, I hear that.
Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you'd consider going with me?
Like as your date?
No.
No, no, no, no no, no, no.
No, no.
Not as my date.
I mean, yes, to everybody there, it would seem like a date, but you and I would both know it's totally fake.
You know, something one bud does for the other.
What does everyone think, that I'm some party puppet?
Some marionette that one drags out for public appearances?
I don't want to be somebody's fake date, Chick.
I want to be somebody's real date.
Oh.
Well, that's...
be okay, too.
Sheldon called me three days ago. "
Hey, how you doin'?
Found a CD of yours.
And, oh, and by the way, I got an offer on my book."
He told me he wasn't coming out with my name yet, so that I'd have time to prepare for the hurricane.
Which is why you suddenly needed a new romantic interest in your life.
Why you wined and dined me.
It was all a hoax.
Pepper, I'm sorry.
But you have to understand what this can do to me.
Football is my life.
You know that.
And you can imagine how scary it is to be on the verge of losing everything.
You don't know that.
Do you honestly think there's a place on the field for a gay quarterback?
Grady...
And what about my work with kids?
I've raised millions of dollars to help them.
That's not going to matter to those parents.
So that makes it okay to use me, like you've used dozens of women over the years?
It was different with you.
Pepper, I'm coming up against the biggest challenge of my life.
I need you by my side, to be seen with me, to talk to the press, and just help me get through this.
Please.
Lying to save your career could destroy mine.
I'm sorry, Grady.
I'll help you any way I can...
just not this way.
Thunderstorms in Texas.
What if she snaps my neck like a twig, and drinks my blood to preserve her icy beauty?
I didn't think of that.
Hey, Blanca!
Hi there.
I'm one of the cameramen here.
I know who you are, Chick.
You do?
You're the best shooter at WEiE.
You make Pepper Dennis look like a normal-sized woman.
If I had it my way, you'd be with us in-studio.
Oh, that's-that's really nice, but, you know, Pepper and I are sort of a team.
Wait till you focus your lens on a face that pops like mine.
I could be your Mona Lisa, Chick.
Listen, I was wondering, um...
I-I know we're worked together, but we've never actually...
All right, what-what I'm trying to say is...
Chick.
Pick a sentence and run with it.
Will you come with me to my high school reunion tomorrow night?
I only date above the line.
If you get a producer gig, give me a call.
Yeah, okay, sure.
I just overheard the whole humiliating thing.
I am so sorry.
No, I-I...
I thought it went pretty well, actually.
Chick, if you need a date for your reunion, I would love to go.
Thank you.
Do you think it's possible that...
What?
You and I slept together once, and since then, it's like I've been cursed.
I can't seem to make it work with anyone.
You were right.
Grady Harper is gay.
Go ahead.
Gloat.
Say I told you so.
I wouldn't do that, Dennis.
At least not until you got a little fight back in you.
Forget it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No.
It was stupid to try and talk to you.
Hey, I think I've proven to be a pretty compassionate guy over the last couple of days.
Come on, talk.
It's nothing.
Except...
you wanted to use me to get closer to Grady, Grady wanted to use me to be his beard, and even Chick wanted to use me to impress the mean geeks at his high school reunion.
I'm beginning to think that I'm obviously lacking something, because no one wants to use me for...
me.
There's nothing lacking, Dennis.
And as far as playing the field goes, you're not alone.
I haven't had too much success, either.
Do you think that single one night stand ruined us, Babcock?
Hello?
Now?
Okay.
The Cheetahs' owner called a press conference.
It is with deep regret that I say we will not be able to come to an agreement with Grady Harper.
We've just reached an unexpected snag in our negotiations.
Unfortunately, right now it looks like Grady Harper and this franchise are no longer compatible.
Unlisted?
Try the DMV, then.
Get me an address, a phone number, anything.
Okay.
Thanks.
What are you doing?
I want some face time with Sheldon Zorn.
Grady may have used me, but what this creep is doing is way worse.
How can I help?
Start calling your sources.
Help me track down Zorn.
I'm still kind of new to town.
Can I borrow some of yours?
No, Babcock.
Sources are like seedlings.
They need to be protected, nurtured.
I've been cultivating some of these relationships since I was in college.
I'm not gonna just hand them over to you as casually as a Tic-Tac.
Yeah, but...
O'Malley, it's P.
Just sit back and let me show you how it's done.
Two days in a row.
Charlie Babcock, this must be love.
Milford, I need your help.
There's this guy, Sheldon Zorn.
He's gay.
You know how to find him?
What world do you live in, Mr.
Man?
Do you actually think there's some kind of homosexual Bat-Signal or something?
We are a community of over 20 million strong.
Shame on you, Charles.
Shame.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Actually, the name does sound familiar.
Charlie Babcock from Channel 4?
Hi, fellas.
How's it going?
This is so amazing.
Well, it's always great to meet the fans, you know?
Whatever their sexual preference happens...
Wait, you work with Pepper Dennis, right?
We love her.
Yeah.
We're obsessed.
I went as her for Halloween.
What's she really like?
Drunk.
Yeah.
All the time.
And meaner than a wet alley cat.
If you'll excuse me...
How's it going?
Hi.
I'm looking for a lowlife by the name of Sheldon Zorn.
Heard he works here.
Know where I can find him?
What I don't understand is how you feel you have a right to ruin a man's life just because you dated a few times.
A few times?
We were together for two years.
We come in all shapes and sizes, Mr.
Babcock.
And some of us are even monogamous.
But the fact that you were together so long makes me wonder even more why you're doing this to him.
What about me?
I went back into the closet for Grady.
Meeting him at the movies after the lights went down.
Staying home nights while he partied for the paparazzi with Victoria's Secret models.
I'm a writer.
But I couldn't write about anything that was happening in my life.
It was hell, but I did it...
because I loved him.
Well, it's a lot easier for an aspiring writer who works at a gay bar to come out of the closet than it is a pro quarterback.
It's funny.
That was his exit line when he left me four months ago.
He's one of the greatest sports heroes in the country.
He has the opportunity to raise awareness, to break down stereotypes.
That's noble, Sheldon.
It is.
But is that what this book's about?
Or is it about you wanting to hurt him as much as he hurt you?
Hey, Babcock.
Okay, here's what I know.
Sheldon Zorn...
Hold on.
I've got another call.
Pepper Dennis.
Hey, Kathy.
Just an FYI.
I've offered to go with Chick to his reunion.
And?
Nothing, really.
I just wanted to make sure it was okay that he was going with me rather than with someone more appropriate.
For example, you.
Knock yourself out.
Point being, you and Chick have a special relationship.
You're a team.
He'd take a bullet for you, and...
In fact, he did, didn't he?
He was grazed.
Uh-huh.
Doesn't all this seem awfully one-sided to you?
Listen, I'm in the middle of getting...
Fine.
Be selfish.
You're the one who has to live with yourself.
Anyway, Babcock, Zorn works at a bar just off of...
Halsted.
I know.
I'm sitting in it.
With Mr.
Zorn.
He's agreed to hold off on his book.
How did you find him?
Seedlings, Dennis.
Seedlings.
Shut up, Babcock.
Meet me at Grady's in 15.
Oh, my God, these are delicious.
Well, your life is back in your hands.
This is incredible.
I don't know what to say.
Well, you can go out and tell those reporters camped out there whatever you...
Oh, my God.
Mecca.
I apologize for him.
Well, I guess you'd better get out there.
What's wrong?
I was just thinking about Sheldon.
You.
Charlie.
All the people that I've asked to lie for me.
Well, better get out there and lie some more.
What if you don't?
I mean, being a sports legend-- that's been done.
But to be somebody who can help the whole world take a step forward-- how many people get a chance to do that?
And if you're worried about your fans...
look at that lunkhead.
He's your biggest one, he doesn't care.
I can't see myself ever being ready.
So, save this till you are.
This is Grady Harper's MVP trophy from 2002.
Touch it-- it's electric.
Oh, my God.
What are these?
They're more than just chips, they're like gourmet chips.
Gotta love the gays.
This has been a very difficult time.
I would like to thank those close to me for their support this week.
It feels good to stand before you all and say Sheldon Zorn's accusations are false.
But that would be false, too.
So today, I apologize to everyone who has had to cover for me this week, and over the years.
Even when I'm facing a corner blitz, I don't run and hide.
I step up in the pocket and I get the job done.
That's what this is: me stepping up, stepping forward, and telling you that I am gay.
And I want to thank those close to me for their support this week.
It feels good to stand in front of you...
This is Channel 8's coverage.
Why are my anchor and my top reporter standing around like two idiots at Grady Harper's coming out party?
Are you trying to get me disinherited?
We got an exclusive with Grady after his announcement.
He cries.
Enjoy.
Well, that's better.
Hey, Guy.
Welcome back.
Les.
Babcock.
You.
Whatcha got?
Not a single franchise has expressed interest in signing Harper since the Cheetahs broke off negotiations.
And rumor has it, you two inspired him to come out of the closet.
We may have helped a little.
What, destroying one man's week wasn't enough-- you had to take down all of pro football, too?
Grady Harper coming out doesn't "destroy" anything.
What he did should make everyone proud.
It moves society forward.
Listen, Will and Grace, I was a punter.
I know what's in the playbook.
His teammates are gonna refuse to walk on the field with him.
Ticket sales are going to go in the dumpster.
No one-- and I mean no one-- is ready for a homo in the huddle.
Nice job.
Grady Harper is benched for good.
I don't care if he owns the Cheetahs, the Lions, the Rams, and a partridge in a pear tree, tell Aptow that he can't dodge me forever.
Pepper Dennis always gets her man.
Unless he's gay, in which case she bakes an apple cobbler, does a striptease, and makes a total ass of herself.
Excuse me, sir?
Can you please tell me how you first felt when you heard the news that Grady Harper is gay?
Well, at first I felt lied to, cause, you know...
Hold on.
Hey, intern, why aren't you filming?
Eh, you didn't count down.
I don't count down.
Chick just knows when to start filming at the right moment.
Stupid reunion.
What's the right moment?
Right now.
Okay, so, first you felt lied to.
It's weird, I just never thought there were gay guys in football.
And now that you know?
I guess it really doesn't matter what the guy does off the field.
Harper's the best quarterback I've ever seen.
And would you still buy tickets to see him play?
I'd pay whatever it costs.
He's so hot.
He's a wonderful role model.
Playing on the same field with Stretch is...
well, it's one of the highlights of my career.
Thanks to Grady's Foundation, I'm starting Northwestern University in the fall.
Who's the best player on your payroll?
Get that camera out of here!
The answer to that question would be "Grady Harper," wouldn't it?
I guess so.
How about his work habits?
Show up to practice on time?
Positive influence on the younger players?
Sure.
Ever fail a drug test?
No!
Maybe your concern is his teammates.
But most of them have already publicly stated that they have no problem with his lifestyle.
They just want to win.
Mr.
Aptow, do you have any reason not to reach a contract agreement with Grady Harper?
Any good reason?
Okay, let's go over it one more time.
How did we meet?
In Italy.
No...
That's where you proposed to me.
We met at the opera.
Remember?
Then we went out afterwards, we had a drink, and what did I order?
Who cares?
Who cares?
This is the night we fell in love.
Come on.
What was I wearing?
I can't do this.
I can't take the lies anymore.
They're too hard to remember.
I'm going to go into that reunion alone.
I'm going to stand in truth like Grady Harper.
And you know what?
What's the big deal, anyway?
I mean, the chances are people aren't even going to remember that I said I was bringing Pepper Dennis.
Right?
There he is!
Hi, Merrilee.
Chick Dirka going out with Pepper Dennis.
I guess you and Grady Harper trade off nights, huh?
Well, we, um...
I'm kidding!
I get it!
What a gentleman you are letting your girlfriend try to protect Harper.
Hey.
Senior producer with the famous girlfriend.
Hi, Sam.
Look at you, Chick.
Who would have thought?
Huh?
So, I am totally dying, where is she?
She should be here any minute.
Welcome back, Grady.
All right.
Now, will you sign my balls?
You know, we should all hang out some time.
Oh, great, I'll get my coat.
So, how do you feel?
Terrified.
And like a weight that I never even knew was there has been lifted.
And no matter what happens now, I know one good thing that came out of this.
A new friend.
The Manhole has a great "beer bust" on Tuesday nights.
You're on.
Are you sure you guys can't switch teams?
Oh, come on.
I'm not the one for you, anyway.
What are you talking about?
I just came out to over a billion people, and you can't admit that you two are hot for each other?
See, one for me, one for my dad.
The truth will set you free, Miss Dennis.
I should go.
I have a long overdue call to make myself.
Sheldon?
Yeah.
Hey...
I thought we were going to hang with Grady.
Where's he going?
To pursue true love.
Whore.
You think he was right to take that kind of a chance?
To make himself so vulnerable?
Yeah, I do.
I guess inside he must've known the moment was right, huh?
That he was ready?
Yeah.
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
Maybe one day I'll feel that way, too.
I gotta go.
There's another teammate who needs me tonight.
You said she was going to be here an hour ago.
Well...
give her time.
That was two hours ago.
You don't even know Pepper Dennis, do you?
He's probably not a producer, either.
I'm not a producer.
And I don't live in a penthouse by the lake.
I'm a cameraman.
I live in a three-story walk up, and I drive around in the van all day and shoot video.
Not that I'm ashamed of it.
Because I love what I do, and I'm good at it.
But I saw all your guys' resumes, and I just...
I don't know, I embellished a little.
You guys did that, right?
Embellish a little and...
what you do for a living, or who you were going to bring as a date?
Actually, I brought Liz Phair.
And as far as Pepper Dennis goes...
There you are!
Oh, my God!
Hi, Glen Ellyn reunioners.
Sorry I'm so late-- I had to rid pro football of sexually discriminatory practices.
Mind if I steal him?
I can't believe you're here.
Of course I am, Chick.
Tonight, you're the only man for me.
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss www.forom.com -
I can't do the interview without these bastards' tax returns.
Because, when I bring up the money laundering, I'm going to throw them down.
No, not them, the tax returns...
for emphasis.
Amateur.
Oh, Corky?
They're in.
I'm making copies; I'll be there in five.
Oh!
Interception!
Darden, would you please?
I'm on deadline.
You know what really freezes my puck, Dennis?
It's all your backhanded shots at Sports.
We have deadlines, too.
This is the office football pool.
$500 pot, pom-poms.
May I?
Booyah!
Relinquish the document feeder, Darden.
Use the one upstairs, Dennis.
Number of copies: Two-zero...
zero, start.
Oh, no, he didn't.
Oh, it is on, ball boy.
Put it back.
Dennis, that won't stop the machine.
Oh, that's totally uncool!
Put it on...
Why are you...
Give it...
aw, come on.
I'm sure you're all well aware of this morning's tragic accident.
I have been assured Guy Darden will be back in fighting shape in a few days.
Until the service tech comes, all duplication needs will have to be taken upstairs.
And everyone in the football pool is going to need to redo their sheets.
Paramedics said they weren't salvageable.
Pepper, since we're short on bodies, you're covering Darden's story.
It's a human interest piece.
Grady Harper is hosting an event at his estate for his kids' foundation.
Les, throwing me onto the field with the Chicago Cheetahs' quarterback is absurd.
It's like asking Blanca to put on underwear.
She's right.
It's just not done.
I'll take that assignment off your hands there, Les.
It's the least I could do to, you know, help pitch in.
Sounds like you really want this one, Babcock.
Kind of reminds me of the Pope story I really wanted.
The one you came in and took away.
You know what, despite my lack of knowledge on the subject, I think I'll run with it, Les.
I really feel that this should be me.
I happen to know everything there is to know about the man.
Dennis here is admittedly clueless.
I'll do some Googling.
Heisman winner, first-round draft pick, '96 draft, 357 career touchdowns passes, over 45,000 passing yards, 4,200 completions, and a career quarterback rating of 96.9.
Thanks, Babcock.
Saved me some shoe leather.
Football star Grady Harper has once again opened his arms and his estate to the kids from his Future All-Stars Foundation.
With me is team owner, Kenny Aptow.
Mr.
Aptow, we all know that Grady Harper is in the middle of a huge contract renegotiation.
I guess the question on everyone's mind is, will you re-sign him?
Well, Grady Harper is one of the finest athletes and finest men to ever grace the city of Chicago.
I'll damn-well do anything in my power to make that deal go.
You heard it here first, direct from the source.
Encouraging words for Chicagoans who anxiously wait to see if their hero will remain.
Incoming!
Pepper!
Are you all right?
God?
Not quite, Miss.
Grady Harper.
You're going to be okay.
I think we should call 9-1-1 before...
Go back and play with the other kids, son.
She'll be fine.
Doc's going to take a look at you right away.
But it's no big deal.
Shh.
I'll take care of you.
Sounds good to me.
So he carried me into his mansion, which by the way, for a guy, is pretty pulled together.
Really?
What style?
Mm.
Eclectic contemporary with good use of leather.
How is the kitchen?
Dinkle girls, stay on topic.
Then, the strong, sexy man did what?
He called in the team physician to work on the tiny cut on my knee, and the whole time, he stood next to me with his hand on my arm like this.
Do me, do me.
We talked for hours, we connected.
He listened to what I had to say, he cares about what I think.
Oh, sweetie, this could be the end of your dry spell.
Hey, I date.
Semi-tragically.
I believe Babcock and the mayor were the only two this fiscal year.
Well, slide another bead down the abacus, ladies, 'cause Grady and I are having dinner tonight.
What's knittin', kittens?
Pepper and Grady Harper.
They're going to have dinner tonight, and he touched her arm like this.
Kathy.
Dennis, you can't do this.
Babcock, you have to stop reacting like this every time I meet a guy.
No, forget that.
This is my dinner.
I should've been at that fundraiser today, where I should have hit it off with Grady.
Someone has a man-crush.
He's my pigskin god.
You know what?
I'm willing to share.
Take me with you.
It's a date.
So I'll settle for an introduction.
I'm not going to introduce you.
What are you, eight?
Go away.
Forget it.
Not in a million years.
I hope you're happy.
There they are, my fellow graduates at Glen Ellyn Montessori.
I wish I went to a tiny place like that.
No, you don't.
When there's only eight people in your class, there's no way you can hide anything-- a crush, a pimple, an untimely rise in the Levis during speech class.
Tell me that wasn't you.
I'm not going to this reunion.
There's no way I can face the other graduates.
I mean, look what they have already done.
Sam Brody?
Liz Phair's manager.
Merrilee Boxcar?
VP of human resources, engaged.
Josh Fields works in the White House.
He's probably under indictment.
I can't even bring myself to fill out the online questionnaire.
So why don't you just lie?
Because that's...
that's lying.
You think your fellow grads aren't getting creative?
It's pretty much a given at this type of thing.
At my ten year, I was a driver all right.
Indianapolis 500.
How do you live with yourself?
You know what sounds good?
Chick Dirka, Associate Producer.
Huh?
You know the weird thing?
People don't understand that it's a job.
I work hard.
I know.
People don't realize how much energy goes into every story.
And every game.
I prepare all week to get on the field.
Same.
Which is the problem.
There's never time for anything else.
Friends and family never understand it.
Right.
But it's worth it.
When I'm on that field, I feel so connected with my fans.
I feel the same way.
It's as if I'm truly making a...
Contribution.
Mr.
Harper, mind if I get one?
I am so sorry about this.
It comes with the territory.
It's okay.
Could you get a little closer?
Eh...
Closer.
Can't get any closer than this.
I hope that wasn't too forward of me.
The moment just seemed...
Perfect.
Excuse me.
With compliments from the gentleman at the bar.
What a small world.
Grady, Charlie Babcock, Anchor, WEiE.
I work with...
...your lady friend here.
Oh, of course.
I can't believe...
Isn't this place amazing?
If you'd like to join us...
I really couldn't.
You really shouldn't.
Oh, what the hell.
Don't you look pretty?
Everybody drinking?
Wow.
I'm used to seeing you on the TV screen, but up close, one sees what a finely-tuned athletic specimen you are.
He's a good-looking fella, huh?
Oh, and what a great watch.
Is that a Ventura?
Takes a man with an eye for style to zone in on the Italian watchmakers.
Well, thanks.
If you two will excuse me for a moment.
Restroom.
Take your time, Stretch.
His friends call him Stretch.
I was crystal clear that you were not welcomed tonight.
I made a judgment call, okay?
And I judged that it was more important for me than you.
The guy goes through supermodels like Gatorade, but for me, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
I love that guy.
And I need him to...
sign these.
One for me, one for my Dad.
Put those away!
You know why he walked away, don't you?
You probably embarrassed him.
I did not.
There's slobber all down your front.
He probably slipped out the service entrance.
Maybe you're right; maybe I was too pushy.
I'll fix it.
So help me God, Babcock.
Do not follow him into the john.
Babcock, don't go in there!
Don't worry.
It's under control.
Grady.
Oh.
Hey, man.
Listen, uh, I just wanted to say that maybe I came on a little too strong out there.
Too strong?
Yeah, I got near you, and suddenly I didn't even know what was coming out of my mouth.
It's okay.
I'm just going to say this.
I know it may sound crazy, but...
I deliberately showed up here tonight.
The truth is, I've always admired you from afar, and I had this crazy notion that if I ever met you, then we'd, you know, sort of hit it off.
Maybe we should hang sometime.
Really?
Sure.
Catch a flick.
Just us guys.
Dude, you're on.
Nice.
What?
Your watch.
Oh.
Cartier, isn't it?
Yeah, it's Cartier.
Nice to meet you, Charlie.
Oh, my God.
He totally wants you.
You think?
Okay, spill.
Did he go long in the loft?
Try peck on the cheek at the door.
He was distracted the entire night after our anchor accosted him in the bathroom.
What did Charlie say?
I don't know.
He's been avoiding me.
But there's no way he's foiling my plans tonight.
Grady thinks he's taking me out.
Instead, I'm surprising him with dinner at the loft.
Well, dinner and more.
Mm, you vixen.
The custom bra.
You giant vixen.
All right.
Time to bring out the big guns.
Endless Kissable.
They claim that no amount of lip smacking can rub this stuff off.
Your mission: prove them wrong.
I'm telling you, Kimmy, tonight the skies open up, and the heavens rain down on my dating dry spell.
Charlie Babcock in Accounting?
Milford, I know that you're a gay man...
Oh, my God.
What gave me away?
Just a hunch.
Milford, I know a lot about a lot of things, but not so much about the gay community.
Talk to me, Charles.
Confide.
Well, you see, last night I went out to dinner with...
my sister.
My sister and her new boyfriend.
And I was next to him in the bathroom, you know, after dinner, at adjacent urinals.
I like where this is going.
We were just hanging, having a little chat, when all of a sudden, I could swear he was, you know, sort of...
Sneaking a peek?
Yeah.
Possibly.
And then he says, "Nice."
Mm-hmm.
And then the minute he saw that I was kind of thrown, he said he was talking about my watch.
We've got a homo on our hands, no question.
That's impossible.
He thought you were interested, and he was testing the waters.
When he found out he was barking up the wrong tree, so to speak, he covered with the "nice watch line," which, incidentally, we have been using for centuries.
Is there a code book for all this?
No, but I'd be happy to provide you with some useful literature.
It's for your sister.
Associate...
No, no.
Senior producer.
This is so freeing.
I mean, my whole life, I've just held myself to these standards of truth and honesty, and it's made me completely miserable.
All right, we got you in a penthouse on the lake, you're a senior producer...
We're almost done.
Will you be attending alone or will you be bringing a guest?
Oh, no, no-- I went to every prom and high school dance stag.
If I tell them I'm coming alone they're gonna question everything.
I need a date.
Pepper Dennis?
Dude, are you crazy?
You're right, you're right, that's too far, to far.
I'll just get that out of here.
Not the return key, fool!
Dennis, we need to talk.
No need to apologize for your behavior last night, Babcock.
I'm in too good of a mood, and I'm running late for a very hot date.
We'll just let this one slide, okay?
Clean slate.
Bye-bye.
Grady's gay.
Excuse me?
Considering the sensitivity of who was involved here, I had to get confirmation before I told you.
Exactly what kind of confirmation...
Not that.
I talked to Milford in accounting.
I just don't want to see anyone get hurt.
Hey, you can help.
Be part of Grady's support system.
Don't put pressure on him to say anything, just let him know that when he's ready, you'll be there to listen.
What exactly makes you think he's gay?
He hit on me.
Grady Harper hit on you.
In the men's bathroom.
First, he said that we should hang, just us guys.
Then he checked out my penis.
He seemed to like it, by the way.
Not that you need a second opinion.
He commented on your...
No.
He said I had a nice watch, which is code for penis.
There's more code in gay culture than a covert CIA operation.
I can't expect you to understand it all.
The point is...
That you're a jackass?
If he's so gay, why is he dating me?
If he's so gay, why is he kissing me? "
Most people in the closet deal with a constant barrage of confusing feelings."
He's not gay.
He's the furthest thing from gay.
You're just having a meltdown because your man crush isn't interested in you.
He wants me.
Well, thanks to you, Babcock, tonight he's gonna get it.
All night long.
Poor Liza.
So...
want to grab that movie?
Nah.
Are you still hungry?
I'm stuffed.
The cobbler was something else, by the way.
Apple.
Tart apple.
Tarty.
What'd you use, a Pippin?
They're great for baking.
How do you know that?
My family has an orchard.
Of course.
The Pippin is lovely.
Terrific musical, too.
My mom used to play that record all the time when we were...
Why don't we go into the living room?
It's so much more comfortable in here, don't you think?
Why don't you come relax over here?
This is better for my back.
Aw...
Poor baby.
Here...
let me.
How's that?
Good.
Grady, what's wrong?
Nothing.
Yes, there is.
And I think I know what.
You do?
You're a gentleman from rural Ohio.
Sweet, shy, too polite to make the first move.
Am I right?
I'm sorry, Pepper.
It's just the way that I was raised.
I guess that...
Don't apologize.
You're used to small town girls.
A movie, an ice cream soda and a kiss on the cheek at the door.
Well, we big city girls have a different style.
Get ready for shock and awe.
I'm wasting my time here, aren't I?
What do you mean?
You know what I mean.
I can't talk to you about this.
You're a reporter.
Not tonight.
Look, I really like you.
But I need to know where I stand.
Grady, are you gay?
Damn.
That kissable lipstick is endless.
Yeah.
Not a smudge.
Here.
I'm done with these.
Pet Shop Boys, Erasure, Chicago soundtrack...
Kylie?
Pepper, this is the pre-party music of our lives.
No, Kimmy, it's a pride-party in a box and I'm done.
How much have I given the gays?
I walk their walk-a-thons, I watch their makeover shows.
Hell, I even led the charge for Clay Aiken with 300 text messages.
Clay's not gay.
Perfect.
Then Grady Harper can have his spot on the float.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I am filled with gay rage.
How'd the date go?
Totally, totally amazing.
We're so into each other, it's like we can read each other's minds.
This just came off the wire. "
A Chicago writer named Sheldon Zorn is in final negotiations with Harper-Collins to publish his book Memoirs of a Gridiron Husband, which chronicles his alleged homosexual relationship with a current Chicago football star."
Sounds like Grady.
Don't be a rookie, Babcock.
This could be about any number of football players.
You're Grady Harper's beard!
Speculation is all over the Internet.
Tell me what you know, Dennis.
You signed a contract.
I own you.
This is my personal life.
I'm not obligated to tell you anything.
Pepper, gay quarterback plus in-house beard equals Super bowl ratings.
Les, I will not allow our station to take part in this outing.
The worst thing you can do is drag someone out of the closet before they're ready.
What's this?
Unity.
Hello?
Grady, oh, hi.
Okay, okay, calm down.
I'll be right over.
Pepper?
Pepper, hey, I have a favor to ask.
You've got 45 seconds.
Oh, okay.
Well, um, it turns out my ten-year high school reunion is coming up.
Ugh.
Mine was a bust.
Bunch of losers who didn't move an inch forward from the time they left high school.
Yeah, I hear that.
Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you'd consider going with me?
Like as your date?
No.
No, no, no, no no, no, no.
No, no.
Not as my date.
I mean, yes, to everybody there, it would seem like a date, but you and I would both know it's totally fake.
You know, something one bud does for the other.
What does everyone think, that I'm some party puppet?
Some marionette that one drags out for public appearances?
I don't want to be somebody's fake date, Chick.
I want to be somebody's real date.
Oh.
Well, that's...
be okay, too.
Sheldon called me three days ago. "
Hey, how you doin'?
Found a CD of yours.
And, oh, and by the way, I got an offer on my book."
He told me he wasn't coming out with my name yet, so that I'd have time to prepare for the hurricane.
Which is why you suddenly needed a new romantic interest in your life.
Why you wined and dined me.
It was all a hoax.
Pepper, I'm sorry.
But you have to understand what this can do to me.
Football is my life.
You know that.
And you can imagine how scary it is to be on the verge of losing everything.
You don't know that.
Do you honestly think there's a place on the field for a gay quarterback?
Grady...
And what about my work with kids?
I've raised millions of dollars to help them.
That's not going to matter to those parents.
So that makes it okay to use me, like you've used dozens of women over the years?
It was different with you.
Pepper, I'm coming up against the biggest challenge of my life.
I need you by my side, to be seen with me, to talk to the press, and just help me get through this.
Please.
Lying to save your career could destroy mine.
I'm sorry, Grady.
I'll help you any way I can...
just not this way.
Thunderstorms in Texas.
What if she snaps my neck like a twig, and drinks my blood to preserve her icy beauty?
I didn't think of that.
Hey, Blanca!
Hi there.
I'm one of the cameramen here.
I know who you are, Chick.
You do?
You're the best shooter at WEiE.
You make Pepper Dennis look like a normal-sized woman.
If I had it my way, you'd be with us in-studio.
Oh, that's-that's really nice, but, you know, Pepper and I are sort of a team.
Wait till you focus your lens on a face that pops like mine.
I could be your Mona Lisa, Chick.
Listen, I was wondering, um...
I-I know we're worked together, but we've never actually...
All right, what-what I'm trying to say is...
Chick.
Pick a sentence and run with it.
Will you come with me to my high school reunion tomorrow night?
I only date above the line.
If you get a producer gig, give me a call.
Yeah, okay, sure.
I just overheard the whole humiliating thing.
I am so sorry.
No, I-I...
I thought it went pretty well, actually.
Chick, if you need a date for your reunion, I would love to go.
Thank you.
Do you think it's possible that...
What?
You and I slept together once, and since then, it's like I've been cursed.
I can't seem to make it work with anyone.
You were right.
Grady Harper is gay.
Go ahead.
Gloat.
Say I told you so.
I wouldn't do that, Dennis.
At least not until you got a little fight back in you.
Forget it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No.
It was stupid to try and talk to you.
Hey, I think I've proven to be a pretty compassionate guy over the last couple of days.
Come on, talk.
It's nothing.
Except...
you wanted to use me to get closer to Grady, Grady wanted to use me to be his beard, and even Chick wanted to use me to impress the mean geeks at his high school reunion.
I'm beginning to think that I'm obviously lacking something, because no one wants to use me for...
me.
There's nothing lacking, Dennis.
And as far as playing the field goes, you're not alone.
I haven't had too much success, either.
Do you think that single one night stand ruined us, Babcock?
Hello?
Now?
Okay.
The Cheetahs' owner called a press conference.
It is with deep regret that I say we will not be able to come to an agreement with Grady Harper.
We've just reached an unexpected snag in our negotiations.
Unfortunately, right now it looks like Grady Harper and this franchise are no longer compatible.
Unlisted?
Try the DMV, then.
Get me an address, a phone number, anything.
Okay.
Thanks.
What are you doing?
I want some face time with Sheldon Zorn.
Grady may have used me, but what this creep is doing is way worse.
How can I help?
Start calling your sources.
Help me track down Zorn.
I'm still kind of new to town.
Can I borrow some of yours?
No, Babcock.
Sources are like seedlings.
They need to be protected, nurtured.
I've been cultivating some of these relationships since I was in college.
I'm not gonna just hand them over to you as casually as a Tic-Tac.
Yeah, but...
O'Malley, it's P.
Just sit back and let me show you how it's done.
Two days in a row.
Charlie Babcock, this must be love.
Milford, I need your help.
There's this guy, Sheldon Zorn.
He's gay.
You know how to find him?
What world do you live in, Mr.
Man?
Do you actually think there's some kind of homosexual Bat-Signal or something?
We are a community of over 20 million strong.
Shame on you, Charles.
Shame.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Actually, the name does sound familiar.
Charlie Babcock from Channel 4?
Hi, fellas.
How's it going?
This is so amazing.
Well, it's always great to meet the fans, you know?
Whatever their sexual preference happens...
Wait, you work with Pepper Dennis, right?
We love her.
Yeah.
We're obsessed.
I went as her for Halloween.
What's she really like?
Drunk.
Yeah.
All the time.
And meaner than a wet alley cat.
If you'll excuse me...
How's it going?
Hi.
I'm looking for a lowlife by the name of Sheldon Zorn.
Heard he works here.
Know where I can find him?
What I don't understand is how you feel you have a right to ruin a man's life just because you dated a few times.
A few times?
We were together for two years.
We come in all shapes and sizes, Mr.
Babcock.
And some of us are even monogamous.
But the fact that you were together so long makes me wonder even more why you're doing this to him.
What about me?
I went back into the closet for Grady.
Meeting him at the movies after the lights went down.
Staying home nights while he partied for the paparazzi with Victoria's Secret models.
I'm a writer.
But I couldn't write about anything that was happening in my life.
It was hell, but I did it...
because I loved him.
Well, it's a lot easier for an aspiring writer who works at a gay bar to come out of the closet than it is a pro quarterback.
It's funny.
That was his exit line when he left me four months ago.
He's one of the greatest sports heroes in the country.
He has the opportunity to raise awareness, to break down stereotypes.
That's noble, Sheldon.
It is.
But is that what this book's about?
Or is it about you wanting to hurt him as much as he hurt you?
Hey, Babcock.
Okay, here's what I know.
Sheldon Zorn...
Hold on.
I've got another call.
Pepper Dennis.
Hey, Kathy.
Just an FYI.
I've offered to go with Chick to his reunion.
And?
Nothing, really.
I just wanted to make sure it was okay that he was going with me rather than with someone more appropriate.
For example, you.
Knock yourself out.
Point being, you and Chick have a special relationship.
You're a team.
He'd take a bullet for you, and...
In fact, he did, didn't he?
He was grazed.
Uh-huh.
Doesn't all this seem awfully one-sided to you?
Listen, I'm in the middle of getting...
Fine.
Be selfish.
You're the one who has to live with yourself.
Anyway, Babcock, Zorn works at a bar just off of...
Halsted.
I know.
I'm sitting in it.
With Mr.
Zorn.
He's agreed to hold off on his book.
How did you find him?
Seedlings, Dennis.
Seedlings.
Shut up, Babcock.
Meet me at Grady's in 15.
Oh, my God, these are delicious.
Well, your life is back in your hands.
This is incredible.
I don't know what to say.
Well, you can go out and tell those reporters camped out there whatever you...
Oh, my God.
Mecca.
I apologize for him.
Well, I guess you'd better get out there.
What's wrong?
I was just thinking about Sheldon.
You.
Charlie.
All the people that I've asked to lie for me.
Well, better get out there and lie some more.
What if you don't?
I mean, being a sports legend-- that's been done.
But to be somebody who can help the whole world take a step forward-- how many people get a chance to do that?
And if you're worried about your fans...
look at that lunkhead.
He's your biggest one, he doesn't care.
I can't see myself ever being ready.
So, save this till you are.
This is Grady Harper's MVP trophy from 2002.
Touch it-- it's electric.
Oh, my God.
What are these?
They're more than just chips, they're like gourmet chips.
Gotta love the gays.
This has been a very difficult time.
I would like to thank those close to me for their support this week.
It feels good to stand before you all and say Sheldon Zorn's accusations are false.
But that would be false, too.
So today, I apologize to everyone who has had to cover for me this week, and over the years.
Even when I'm facing a corner blitz, I don't run and hide.
I step up in the pocket and I get the job done.
That's what this is: me stepping up, stepping forward, and telling you that I am gay.
And I want to thank those close to me for their support this week.
It feels good to stand in front of you...
This is Channel 8's coverage.
Why are my anchor and my top reporter standing around like two idiots at Grady Harper's coming out party?
Are you trying to get me disinherited?
We got an exclusive with Grady after his announcement.
He cries.
Enjoy.
Well, that's better.
Hey, Guy.
Welcome back.
Les.
Babcock.
You.
Whatcha got?
Not a single franchise has expressed interest in signing Harper since the Cheetahs broke off negotiations.
And rumor has it, you two inspired him to come out of the closet.
We may have helped a little.
What, destroying one man's week wasn't enough-- you had to take down all of pro football, too?
Grady Harper coming out doesn't "destroy" anything.
What he did should make everyone proud.
It moves society forward.
Listen, Will and Grace, I was a punter.
I know what's in the playbook.
His teammates are gonna refuse to walk on the field with him.
Ticket sales are going to go in the dumpster.
No one-- and I mean no one-- is ready for a homo in the huddle.
Nice job.
Grady Harper is benched for good.
I don't care if he owns the Cheetahs, the Lions, the Rams, and a partridge in a pear tree, tell Aptow that he can't dodge me forever.
Pepper Dennis always gets her man.
Unless he's gay, in which case she bakes an apple cobbler, does a striptease, and makes a total ass of herself.
Excuse me, sir?
Can you please tell me how you first felt when you heard the news that Grady Harper is gay?
Well, at first I felt lied to, cause, you know...
Hold on.
Hey, intern, why aren't you filming?
Eh, you didn't count down.
I don't count down.
Chick just knows when to start filming at the right moment.
Stupid reunion.
What's the right moment?
Right now.
Okay, so, first you felt lied to.
It's weird, I just never thought there were gay guys in football.
And now that you know?
I guess it really doesn't matter what the guy does off the field.
Harper's the best quarterback I've ever seen.
And would you still buy tickets to see him play?
I'd pay whatever it costs.
He's so hot.
He's a wonderful role model.
Playing on the same field with Stretch is...
well, it's one of the highlights of my career.
Thanks to Grady's Foundation, I'm starting Northwestern University in the fall.
Who's the best player on your payroll?
Get that camera out of here!
The answer to that question would be "Grady Harper," wouldn't it?
I guess so.
How about his work habits?
Show up to practice on time?
Positive influence on the younger players?
Sure.
Ever fail a drug test?
No!
Maybe your concern is his teammates.
But most of them have already publicly stated that they have no problem with his lifestyle.
They just want to win.
Mr.
Aptow, do you have any reason not to reach a contract agreement with Grady Harper?
Any good reason?
Okay, let's go over it one more time.
How did we meet?
In Italy.
No...
That's where you proposed to me.
We met at the opera.
Remember?
Then we went out afterwards, we had a drink, and what did I order?
Who cares?
Who cares?
This is the night we fell in love.
Come on.
What was I wearing?
I can't do this.
I can't take the lies anymore.
They're too hard to remember.
I'm going to go into that reunion alone.
I'm going to stand in truth like Grady Harper.
And you know what?
What's the big deal, anyway?
I mean, the chances are people aren't even going to remember that I said I was bringing Pepper Dennis.
Right?
There he is!
Hi, Merrilee.
Chick Dirka going out with Pepper Dennis.
I guess you and Grady Harper trade off nights, huh?
Well, we, um...
I'm kidding!
I get it!
What a gentleman you are letting your girlfriend try to protect Harper.
Hey.
Senior producer with the famous girlfriend.
Hi, Sam.
Look at you, Chick.
Who would have thought?
Huh?
So, I am totally dying, where is she?
She should be here any minute.
Welcome back, Grady.
All right.
Now, will you sign my balls?
You know, we should all hang out some time.
Oh, great, I'll get my coat.
So, how do you feel?
Terrified.
And like a weight that I never even knew was there has been lifted.
And no matter what happens now, I know one good thing that came out of this.
A new friend.
The Manhole has a great "beer bust" on Tuesday nights.
You're on.
Are you sure you guys can't switch teams?
Oh, come on.
I'm not the one for you, anyway.
What are you talking about?
I just came out to over a billion people, and you can't admit that you two are hot for each other?
See, one for me, one for my dad.
The truth will set you free, Miss Dennis.
I should go.
I have a long overdue call to make myself.
Sheldon?
Yeah.
Hey...
I thought we were going to hang with Grady.
Where's he going?
To pursue true love.
Whore.
You think he was right to take that kind of a chance?
To make himself so vulnerable?
Yeah, I do.
I guess inside he must've known the moment was right, huh?
That he was ready?
Yeah.
Why do you ask?
I don't know.
Maybe one day I'll feel that way, too.
I gotta go.
There's another teammate who needs me tonight.
You said she was going to be here an hour ago.
Well...
give her time.
That was two hours ago.
You don't even know Pepper Dennis, do you?
He's probably not a producer, either.
I'm not a producer.
And I don't live in a penthouse by the lake.
I'm a cameraman.
I live in a three-story walk up, and I drive around in the van all day and shoot video.
Not that I'm ashamed of it.
Because I love what I do, and I'm good at it.
But I saw all your guys' resumes, and I just...
I don't know, I embellished a little.
You guys did that, right?
Embellish a little and...
what you do for a living, or who you were going to bring as a date?
Actually, I brought Liz Phair.
And as far as Pepper Dennis goes...
There you are!
Oh, my God!
Hi, Glen Ellyn reunioners.
Sorry I'm so late-- I had to rid pro football of sexually discriminatory practices.
Mind if I steal him?
I can't believe you're here.
Of course I am, Chick.
Tonight, you're the only man for me.
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss www.forom.com -