Show: Weeds - 6x13
Previously on Weeds....
Pilar Zuazo.
I want her dead.
I want it done today.
I held up my end.
Sure, it's no problem.
I'm your boy, right?
How did that work?
You guys dated in high school and...
I don't know.
We did that on-and-off thing for a while.
Nothing official, but, hey...
I think I'm your son.
Ellis: I'm writing this article with or without you, Nancy, so fill in the blanks, or I'm gonna do it myself.
Fine.
Ask me a question already.
Okay.
Who killed Pilar Zuazo?
That night, Pilar escorted me out of the party.
Passports, plane tickets, whatever else we need...
just go get it.
Uh, this will only cover the passports.
I'll get the money.
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com American passports are too tough.
I could do Iceland.
Nancy: Every time, I'm walking down that tunnel...
every time...
and once I find out what's at the end, I'll figure it out then, but at least I'll know.
I'll know.
Why would you not want to know?
Why would you not want to know?
Woman on P.A.: This is the final call for air Caelum flight 966 to Paris.
Dernier appel pour air Caelum 966 Ã Paris.
Nancy: No, every time, I'm walking down that tunnel...
every time...
and once I find out what's at the end, I'll figure it out then, but at least I'll know.
I'll...
I'll know.
And why would you not want to know?
Hola, mi amor.
Guillermo.
So, you two guys are back together?
Oh, I guess it's only fitting that, uh, since...
[ muffled ] Since I broke you up...
[ groaning softly ] [ Horn honks ] Here's your passport.
Here's your plane ticket.
We take off at 6:10.
I'm not coming.
Okay.
Uh, Nancy, your mother, who not only gave unto you her egg, but raised you and fed you and loved you and wiped your ass...
And provided a pretty great for her...
For you, despite his early exit...
Your mother wants us all together.
It's not about what she wants anymore.
[ Tool clatters ] I want to get to know my sperm daddy.
Sperm daddy?
Birth father, whatever.
No, no, no, no, no.
You said "sperm daddy."
That's so weird.
Shane: Hey, faux uncle and half brother, we gotta go.
Schiff's freaking out every time he sees the meter go up 50 cents.
I'm not coming.
Fine.
Let's go.
Bye, Silas.
Unh-unh.
Sit the fuck down.
Enough with this jaded bullshit.
Enough with this "I don't care, I've seen it all, I'm dead inside."
You're not.
You're gonna miss me.
I'm going to Europe.
You're sitting here in Dear-shit, Michigan, in a garage.
Please, please...
Choose...
To not be...A dick.
[ Doorbell rings ] That's your parting words?
Your brotherly advice?
Don't be a dick?
Yes.
Asshole.
Psycho.
Um, my old math teacher is at the door asking for you guys.
Copenhagen time.
Come on, Mike.
Come with us.
Big fun.
Say goodbye to Lars Guinard.
Andy...
I'm done.
Okay.
Uh, not so long ago, I stood in a room, and a beautiful woman told me goodbye.
And I took her at her word.
And got an "f"...
'Cause I was supposed to fight for her.
But I failed.
Well, I don't want to fight.
[ Scoffs ] And I'm not some woman you were once engaged to.
We didn't even get to first base.
There.
Now we've been to first base.
Are they...
No.
I love you.
I love you, too.
You sure they're not...
I'm saying goodbye to my nephew who I love, who I'm gonna miss...
[ Inhales deeply ] ...And who I might never see again.
Technically, he's not your nephew.
Shut the fuck up, Lars Guinard.
Come on, Shane.
[ Vehicle moving ] [ Breathing heavily ] [ Gasping ] Aaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
[ Brakes squeal ] [ Screaming ] Shh!
Aaaah!
Shhhhh!
You want to wake the dead?
[ Crying ] Please let me ride in the car.
We're going to the airport.
Let me ride in the car.
Don't want you to miss your flight.
Ohh.
Please let me ride in the car.
Can I ride in the car?
Please?
Nah.
[ Screaming ] [ Screaming continues ] Aaaaaaaaaah!
Terminal internacional.
Stevie's not at the airport.
Yeah, we'll see.
You don't believe me?
No.
Well, he's not.
Yeah?
Then where is he?
He's somewhere safe.
She's full of shit.
Yeah, we'll know soon enough.
Esteban.
W-who's seen that tape?
It's a DVD.
[ Scoffs ] People don't use tape no more.
All copies are in my control.
And unless I get my son, it'll be turned over to the police.
And your son will be arrested for murder.
Are you sure you want to do that?
'Cause, once upon a time, I knew a lot.
I saw a lot.
I heard a lot.
I could talk.
I like to talk.
No shit.
Bribery, extortion, blackmail, bank accounts, missing D.E.A.
agents, dead journalists in the trunks of sedans!
All that could come out...
all of it...
if my son's arrested.
Dead hoes tell no tales.
Shut up, Guillermo!
I'm trying to talk to my husband.
Hi, husband.
Ow!
Aah.
God!
Wow!
God.
[ Inhales sharply ] I remember when you used to hit me and it was sexy.
[ Chuckles, sniffles ] Remember that?
A spanking, back of the limo.
You remember that?
Yeah, I remember when you took my son.
That is all I remember.
C-could I have a tissue, please?
[ Sniffling ] God, enough with my nose already.
Ohh.
Ohh.
[ Sniffling ] Thank you.
Esteban.
Esteban.
I'm still alive.
Can I read into that?
You have my son.
That's all.
[ Sighs ] Woman on P.A.: Welcome to Detroit International Airport.
Man on P.A.: Attention, passengers.
Please have your boarding passes...
I wish I spoke Icelandic.
Calm the fuck down and talk like Bjork.
It's all gonna be fine.
Who the hell is Bjork?
Supreme Court nominee from the Reagan administration.
Woman: For your safety and security, do not leave your baggage unattended.
[ Slurping ] All unattended items will be removed by security personnel.
Andy: Oh.
For your safety and security...
That's good.
...Do not leave your baggage unattended.
Follow my lead.
[ Clears throat ] All unattended items will be removed by security personnel.
Would you like to go in front of me?
Go ahead, 'cause I got to deal with the baby for a minute.
Man: Next in line, step through.
Go ahead.
I'm just gonna...
Fussy kid.
Man: Your attention, please.
Thanks.
Please remove your shoes, jackets, and any clothing containing metal before passing through the metal detector.
This is racist and stupid.
Shane...
My dear boy, I have learned to rely on one...thing.
Liquids in carry-on baggage must be in individual containers with a maximum capacity of three fluid ounces each.
The shallow...
All liquids, gels, and aerosols...
...Stupidity...
...Of people.
Step this way, please.
Sir, please.
Holy shit.
Go, go.
That's us.
Schiff, how are you gonna work it?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
I got my own passport.
I'm an American.
I'll be just...Loud, dumb, and enthusiastic.
Excellent.
It's showtime.
[ Stevie fussing ] And, uh, where's the mother?
Coming.
[ Icelandic accent ] She's coming here soon.
[ Icelandic accent ] She's returning the rental car.
Unh-unh.
I can't let you go through without permission from the mother.
Uh, he wrote...
A note for us.
Ah!
She is so smart!
She thought we might have this problem.
I said, "of course not."
She said, "let me write a note just in case."
Here we go.
Man: If you have any metal on you, you'll slow up the process.
Please remove watches, belt buckles...
anything metallic...
and place it in a bin.
Okay, have a safe trip.
Going to Paris, France.
[ Sighs ] Have fun.
Next.
That was incredible!
[ Normal voice ] Yeah, way to go, TSA.
When did mom write that note?
[ Normal voice ] I wrote it.
Signed her name.
Thinking ahead.
I'm that good.
Isn't Nancy supposed to be here by now?
Yeah, she'll be here.
Don't worry.
She'll meet us at the gate.
Woman: Passenger Emily Hannah Gerrman...
What are those?
I'm training for the Guadalajara half marathon.
They're my barefoot shoes.
I'm connecting with the earth and avoiding heel strike.
You don't look very fit.
[ Scoffs ] Yeah, well, my resting heart rate is down to 58, bitch.
So fuck you.
You look gay holding my purse.
Gate 215.
He's not there.
I don't believe you.
We need to buy the tickets to get to the gate.
So we buy tickets.
Are you okay?
Woman: Please stay in the area...
Yeah, she's fine.
Thank you.
...In approximately 20-30 minutes.
Take her into the bathroom.
Clean her up.
[ Cellphone rings, beeps ] I don't suppose I could have that back.
No.
Female computerized voice: Your call has been forwarded to an automatic message system.
Nancy: Nathalie.
...ls not available.
[ Sighs ] What are you doing?
They told me it was gonna be a full flight.
So?
So I hate strangers sitting next to me when I fly.
So if someone approaches my aisle and it looks like they're gonna sit down, I just flash them my "Jesus" hat, my most beatific smile, and say, "hello, friend."
That's genius.
Some people will sit in the toilet the whole flight rather than park it next to me.
What if an actual believer comes and sits in the middle seat and actually wants to talk scripture with you the entire flight?
Then I just watch porn on my laptop.
Tilt your head back and pinch.
I know how to deal with a bloody nose, but thanks.
Oh, hell, no!
Get out of here!
Um, uh, my girlfriend needs help.
It's okay, honey.
You can step out.
She's fine.
Get out of here before you freak people out.
Go on.
Yeah, you better go...
Before she calls security.
[ Sniffles ] You got 30 seconds.
[ Door rattles ] Hey, do you have a cellphone I could borrow, please?
Sure, honey.
Here.
Oh, thank you.
Did Mr.
Freaky Shoes do that to you?
[ Chuckling ] Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we had a-a fight.
Oh, lord.
[ Sighs ] Andy?
Shu...
shut up.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, shut up.
It's plan "c."
Plan...
No, seriously.
It's "c."
We're at the airport.
So is Esteban.
Yeah, bye.
[ Sighs ] [ Beeps ] I'm sure she'll be here soon.
That makes one of us.
She's mom.
Who knows what she's up to?
[ Breathes deeply ] Come on, come on.
[ Woman speaking indistinctly on P.A.
System ] I'd like to buy two tickets for flight 966 to Paris.
Here's my passport, my credit card.
Thank you.
Um, yeah.
That flight is fully booked.
Okay, then.
Uh, please sell me two tickets for...Any flight leaving this terminal.
Any flight?
You don't care where you're going?
No.
[ Keys clacking ] Um...
My computer just froze.
[ Clacking continues ] I'll be right back.
You got the tickets?
No, his, uh, computer froze.
No, it didn't.
No, it didn't.
You're a foreign national buying last-minute tickets to Europe.
Money is no object.
If you'd ordered the halal meal, you might have hit the trifecta.
Here they come.
Excuse me, Mr.
Reyes.
May I please see your passport, sir?
Sure.
Woman: Attention, please.
The gate for flight 20 has been changed.
New gate is gate number 23.
Esteban: [ Sighs ] Uh...Excuse me, sir.
I-I think you might have picked up my ticket and my passport by mistake.
No, I don't think so.
Uh, he's with me.
Yeah, uh, I think you did.
Could you...
Would you mind looking?
Do you have this woman's ticket and passport, sir?
Oh, wow.
Look at that.
My mistake.
No, no, it's my fault.
I'm so sorry.
It was my fault.
I set it down on the counter.
It could have happened to anybody who's also from Iceland.
Nice to meet a...
A fellow...National.
If you two gentlemen would please follow me to security, we have a few questions we'd like to ask you.
Yeah.
Sure.
Man on P.A.: ...The flight is slightly overbooked.
We are offering complimentary round-trip...
Who is he talking to on the phone, anyway?
I don't know.
God, she's always late.
She was late for class.
She was late for dinner.
Late for dinner?
Yeah, we used to have dinner.
Of course, there was no cooking at her house.
Then again, there was no cooking at my house.
[ Chuckles ] But I used to get her lean cuisine.
She loved that.
How old was she?
15.
14.
How old were you?
Let's just say that I was old enough to know better and young enough not to care.
Ew.
I loved her.
And then she outgrew me...
And then she left.
But she came back.
That's so "Lolita."
You know, I'm not going anywhere without her.
There she is.
Thank you.
Nancy!
[ Receiver clicks ] Did you do what I asked you to do?
Yeah....But...
Where's the baby?
He's right over there with Shane and Warren.
Where's Silas?
He's not coming.
No...
Andy, the family's leaving.
Where is he?!
All families traveling with children...
Well, I-I can't believe you're...
Shh!
Shh!
Shh!
Nance...
Get on the plane with us, 'cause they're boarding now.
I can't believe you just let him...
Esteban's not here.
He isn't safe!
I-I didn't just let him.
He's not a kid.
Where is he?
He's with Lars.
Lars has very white teeth.
He played hockey.
They're...
they're...
they're fake.
Do you have a number?
No, you can call him from Copenhagen.
No, I can't.
No, I can't.
What's up between those two?
Shane: Who knows?
Always drama.
Well, did they ever...
No.
[ Woman speaking indistinctly on P.A.
system ] I can't believe you just let him stay.
I can't believe you can't understand why.
Oh!
That's us.
Nance, plan "a."
If we move fast, it's not too late.
No.
Plan "c."
God, you've ruined my life.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Not to mention, you lied to my brother [laughing] And made him raise another man's baby!
When are we gonna deal with that?
I know.
I'm the downfall of all Botwin men.
And Guinard and Reyes.
We gotta get with the gettin'.
Uh, I'm gonna change the baby.
You guys go ahead.
I changed him less than an hour ago.
It's a long flight.
And the bathrooms are...
are small.
His diaper's puffy.
I'll just be a sec.
[ Indistinct conversations ] Go, go, go!
Go.
Shane.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
Grab me a pillow and a blanket.
Uh, we're gonna lose all that overhead space.
We gotta hurry.
We'll see you on board, Nance.
Thanks, Warren.
Go fast, okay?
Okay.
[ Sighs ] [ Indistinct speaking on P.A.
system continues ] [ Dinging ] I-I need to go back.
I think I forgot something.
What'd you forget?
Whatever you need, we can buy it when we land.
Gum.
Gum!
I need gum.
My ears get really clogged.
I got gum.
Ugh.
Move into the row.
You're blocking the aisle.
I want the aisle seat.
Just move in.
No, you take the window.
I want the aisle seat.
Fine.
I got gum.
Didn't he hear me say I had gum?
I need to get off.
What's wrong?
Andy: Uh...
Jitters.
He's afraid to fly.
The doctor told me give him half a Xanax.
I was gonna wait, but could I trouble you for a sprite or something?
Oh, sure.
She's not coming, is she?
No, she's not.
Air Caelum, flight 966 with non-stop service to Paris, France.
At this time, all passengers may board through gate 215.
Vol air Caelum 966 sans-arret jusqu' Ã Paris, France.
I'm an idiot.
I'm an idiot with the worst fucked-up timing on earth.
No, it was perfect.
We pop out of security, he's walking in.
It was like fate.
Silas, get on the plane.
Silas, get on the plane.
Esteban, take the baby.
What about you?
I don't have time to have this conversation right now.
[ Stevie crying ] Fine.
Good luck with your...
New, old, fucked-up life.
That's right.
I pick Stevie.
He's fresh.
You're...Cooked.
Just go.
[ Crying continues ] Please, uh, when you kill her, let us know, okay?
Final boarding call for Air Caelum flight 966...
Just for closure.
...With non-stop service to Paris, France.
Final boarding call.
Will passengers Mike Newman and Nathalie Newman please check in at gate 215?
Silas.
Lars was teaching me how to change spark plugs.
...À destination de Paris, France.
Dernier appel.
Passangers Mike Newman et Nathalie Newman, merci de vous présenter porte 215 pour embarquement immédiat.
[ Crying continues ] [ Crying continues ] Couldn't stay away, huh?
Like you always said, I'm not very bright.
Did you see her?
[ Breathes deeply ] Uh-huh.
You did tell her to shake a leg, didn't you, Midas?
Uh-huh.
[ Crying continues ] Shh, shh, shh!
Mnh-mnh-mnh.
I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, you told me that once before.
I meant it at the time.
[ Stevie fussing ] Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Here you go.
Ohh.
[ Fussing stops ] [ Radio chatter ] Tell the Captain to hold the flight for these two.
Attention, passengers, please remain seated.
There will be a slight delay.
Just like your mother.
Waitin' till the last possible moment so she could make a big entrance.
...À vos places.
[ Radio chatter ] Mr.
Warren Schiff?
Hello, friend!
You're not my friend, are you?
Please stand and follow me off the plane, Mr.
Schiff.
Why?
What'd I do?
I-I-I'm only taking a vacation.
Mr.
Schiff, you're under arrest for the suspected burglary of a United States postal office.
Now, please stand up and follow me off the plane.
My partner will follow you.
You're a lucky guy.
You get the whole row to yourself.
And, uh, I'm leaving you my sleep wedge because you look like a fine young man.
Take good care of it.
It's very expensive.
[ Sighs ] One second?
I'm good.
Flight attendant: Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.
We will now be on our way.
Please make sure that your seatbelts are securely fastened and kindly turn your attention to the screens.
We'd like to play a short safety video for you.
Toutes nos excuses mesdames et messieurs.
Assurez-vous que votre ceinture de sécurité est attachée.
Nous allons commencer une courte vidéo sur les consignes de sécurités, merci de regarder vos écrans.
Now, if this was a confession, which it isn't, because I'm innocent, but theoretically speaking, if I were to do something like rob a post office, it would be because I loved someone very, very much, and I always will.
Policeman: Theoretical love is not dead.
Hooray for us all.
Come on.
Let's go.
I want to see the plane take off.
It'll take off.
I have what I want in your arms.
Let's go.
Nancy: So, what do we do now?
We...
we had quite the...Road trip.
Lots of adventures.
Um...
How's Cesar?
He's retired.
Nancy: Retired retired, like golf and early-bird-dinner retired, or your version of retired, like no-longer-living retired?
Nah, he's home with his family.
He's thinking about buying a boat.
I never figured him for the nautical type.
You could have come to me.
We would have worked it out.
I panicked.
[ Scoffs ] A thousand chances you had, and you took my child away.
You kidnapped Shane.
As a last measure.
He's a killer.
So are you.
So's...Guillermo.
Except when you're supposed to be, fucker.
Deal-breaker fucker.
You surprised I wasn't your little errand boy no more, blanca?
Don't you get it?
I fucking hate you.
You love me, you sociopathic piece of shit.
[ Scoffs ] We're homeys.
I'm gonna kill you, homey, gangland style.
Ugly.
Like your shoes?
My shoes are awesome.
So, the police won't know anything about Shane?
You are a devoted mother, aren't you?
You'll say nice things about me to Stevie?
[ Chuckles ] I'll tell him his mother loved him very much.
She was willing to sacrifice everything for him, even her life.
[ Gasps ] How about a-a farewell fuck?
That's crass.
And it won't save you.
What will?
Nothing.
Except plan "c."
What's that?
Hands up!
Hands up!
FBI!
Nancy Botwin?
I killed Pilar Zuazo.
Please, arrest me.
Agent: Federal agents!
Keep your hands in the air!
Please.
♪ I hear you're leaving town ♪ All right, let's go.
Move it.
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com ♪ it didn't have to be this way ♪ ♪ playing games and lost one day ♪ ♪ have mercy on my lonely soul ♪ ♪ it wasn't me, it was you, you know ♪ ♪ your lies have broke my life ♪ ♪ say goodbye, my angel ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪
Pilar Zuazo.
I want her dead.
I want it done today.
I held up my end.
Sure, it's no problem.
I'm your boy, right?
How did that work?
You guys dated in high school and...
I don't know.
We did that on-and-off thing for a while.
Nothing official, but, hey...
I think I'm your son.
Ellis: I'm writing this article with or without you, Nancy, so fill in the blanks, or I'm gonna do it myself.
Fine.
Ask me a question already.
Okay.
Who killed Pilar Zuazo?
That night, Pilar escorted me out of the party.
Passports, plane tickets, whatever else we need...
just go get it.
Uh, this will only cover the passports.
I'll get the money.
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com American passports are too tough.
I could do Iceland.
Nancy: Every time, I'm walking down that tunnel...
every time...
and once I find out what's at the end, I'll figure it out then, but at least I'll know.
I'll know.
Why would you not want to know?
Why would you not want to know?
Woman on P.A.: This is the final call for air Caelum flight 966 to Paris.
Dernier appel pour air Caelum 966 Ã Paris.
Nancy: No, every time, I'm walking down that tunnel...
every time...
and once I find out what's at the end, I'll figure it out then, but at least I'll know.
I'll...
I'll know.
And why would you not want to know?
Hola, mi amor.
Guillermo.
So, you two guys are back together?
Oh, I guess it's only fitting that, uh, since...
[ muffled ] Since I broke you up...
[ groaning softly ] [ Horn honks ] Here's your passport.
Here's your plane ticket.
We take off at 6:10.
I'm not coming.
Okay.
Uh, Nancy, your mother, who not only gave unto you her egg, but raised you and fed you and loved you and wiped your ass...
And provided a pretty great for her...
For you, despite his early exit...
Your mother wants us all together.
It's not about what she wants anymore.
[ Tool clatters ] I want to get to know my sperm daddy.
Sperm daddy?
Birth father, whatever.
No, no, no, no, no.
You said "sperm daddy."
That's so weird.
Shane: Hey, faux uncle and half brother, we gotta go.
Schiff's freaking out every time he sees the meter go up 50 cents.
I'm not coming.
Fine.
Let's go.
Bye, Silas.
Unh-unh.
Sit the fuck down.
Enough with this jaded bullshit.
Enough with this "I don't care, I've seen it all, I'm dead inside."
You're not.
You're gonna miss me.
I'm going to Europe.
You're sitting here in Dear-shit, Michigan, in a garage.
Please, please...
Choose...
To not be...A dick.
[ Doorbell rings ] That's your parting words?
Your brotherly advice?
Don't be a dick?
Yes.
Asshole.
Psycho.
Um, my old math teacher is at the door asking for you guys.
Copenhagen time.
Come on, Mike.
Come with us.
Big fun.
Say goodbye to Lars Guinard.
Andy...
I'm done.
Okay.
Uh, not so long ago, I stood in a room, and a beautiful woman told me goodbye.
And I took her at her word.
And got an "f"...
'Cause I was supposed to fight for her.
But I failed.
Well, I don't want to fight.
[ Scoffs ] And I'm not some woman you were once engaged to.
We didn't even get to first base.
There.
Now we've been to first base.
Are they...
No.
I love you.
I love you, too.
You sure they're not...
I'm saying goodbye to my nephew who I love, who I'm gonna miss...
[ Inhales deeply ] ...And who I might never see again.
Technically, he's not your nephew.
Shut the fuck up, Lars Guinard.
Come on, Shane.
[ Vehicle moving ] [ Breathing heavily ] [ Gasping ] Aaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
[ Brakes squeal ] [ Screaming ] Shh!
Aaaah!
Shhhhh!
You want to wake the dead?
[ Crying ] Please let me ride in the car.
We're going to the airport.
Let me ride in the car.
Don't want you to miss your flight.
Ohh.
Please let me ride in the car.
Can I ride in the car?
Please?
Nah.
[ Screaming ] [ Screaming continues ] Aaaaaaaaaah!
Terminal internacional.
Stevie's not at the airport.
Yeah, we'll see.
You don't believe me?
No.
Well, he's not.
Yeah?
Then where is he?
He's somewhere safe.
She's full of shit.
Yeah, we'll know soon enough.
Esteban.
W-who's seen that tape?
It's a DVD.
[ Scoffs ] People don't use tape no more.
All copies are in my control.
And unless I get my son, it'll be turned over to the police.
And your son will be arrested for murder.
Are you sure you want to do that?
'Cause, once upon a time, I knew a lot.
I saw a lot.
I heard a lot.
I could talk.
I like to talk.
No shit.
Bribery, extortion, blackmail, bank accounts, missing D.E.A.
agents, dead journalists in the trunks of sedans!
All that could come out...
all of it...
if my son's arrested.
Dead hoes tell no tales.
Shut up, Guillermo!
I'm trying to talk to my husband.
Hi, husband.
Ow!
Aah.
God!
Wow!
God.
[ Inhales sharply ] I remember when you used to hit me and it was sexy.
[ Chuckles, sniffles ] Remember that?
A spanking, back of the limo.
You remember that?
Yeah, I remember when you took my son.
That is all I remember.
C-could I have a tissue, please?
[ Sniffling ] God, enough with my nose already.
Ohh.
Ohh.
[ Sniffling ] Thank you.
Esteban.
Esteban.
I'm still alive.
Can I read into that?
You have my son.
That's all.
[ Sighs ] Woman on P.A.: Welcome to Detroit International Airport.
Man on P.A.: Attention, passengers.
Please have your boarding passes...
I wish I spoke Icelandic.
Calm the fuck down and talk like Bjork.
It's all gonna be fine.
Who the hell is Bjork?
Supreme Court nominee from the Reagan administration.
Woman: For your safety and security, do not leave your baggage unattended.
[ Slurping ] All unattended items will be removed by security personnel.
Andy: Oh.
For your safety and security...
That's good.
...Do not leave your baggage unattended.
Follow my lead.
[ Clears throat ] All unattended items will be removed by security personnel.
Would you like to go in front of me?
Go ahead, 'cause I got to deal with the baby for a minute.
Man: Next in line, step through.
Go ahead.
I'm just gonna...
Fussy kid.
Man: Your attention, please.
Thanks.
Please remove your shoes, jackets, and any clothing containing metal before passing through the metal detector.
This is racist and stupid.
Shane...
My dear boy, I have learned to rely on one...thing.
Liquids in carry-on baggage must be in individual containers with a maximum capacity of three fluid ounces each.
The shallow...
All liquids, gels, and aerosols...
...Stupidity...
...Of people.
Step this way, please.
Sir, please.
Holy shit.
Go, go.
That's us.
Schiff, how are you gonna work it?
No, no, no, I'm fine.
I got my own passport.
I'm an American.
I'll be just...Loud, dumb, and enthusiastic.
Excellent.
It's showtime.
[ Stevie fussing ] And, uh, where's the mother?
Coming.
[ Icelandic accent ] She's coming here soon.
[ Icelandic accent ] She's returning the rental car.
Unh-unh.
I can't let you go through without permission from the mother.
Uh, he wrote...
A note for us.
Ah!
She is so smart!
She thought we might have this problem.
I said, "of course not."
She said, "let me write a note just in case."
Here we go.
Man: If you have any metal on you, you'll slow up the process.
Please remove watches, belt buckles...
anything metallic...
and place it in a bin.
Okay, have a safe trip.
Going to Paris, France.
[ Sighs ] Have fun.
Next.
That was incredible!
[ Normal voice ] Yeah, way to go, TSA.
When did mom write that note?
[ Normal voice ] I wrote it.
Signed her name.
Thinking ahead.
I'm that good.
Isn't Nancy supposed to be here by now?
Yeah, she'll be here.
Don't worry.
She'll meet us at the gate.
Woman: Passenger Emily Hannah Gerrman...
What are those?
I'm training for the Guadalajara half marathon.
They're my barefoot shoes.
I'm connecting with the earth and avoiding heel strike.
You don't look very fit.
[ Scoffs ] Yeah, well, my resting heart rate is down to 58, bitch.
So fuck you.
You look gay holding my purse.
Gate 215.
He's not there.
I don't believe you.
We need to buy the tickets to get to the gate.
So we buy tickets.
Are you okay?
Woman: Please stay in the area...
Yeah, she's fine.
Thank you.
...In approximately 20-30 minutes.
Take her into the bathroom.
Clean her up.
[ Cellphone rings, beeps ] I don't suppose I could have that back.
No.
Female computerized voice: Your call has been forwarded to an automatic message system.
Nancy: Nathalie.
...ls not available.
[ Sighs ] What are you doing?
They told me it was gonna be a full flight.
So?
So I hate strangers sitting next to me when I fly.
So if someone approaches my aisle and it looks like they're gonna sit down, I just flash them my "Jesus" hat, my most beatific smile, and say, "hello, friend."
That's genius.
Some people will sit in the toilet the whole flight rather than park it next to me.
What if an actual believer comes and sits in the middle seat and actually wants to talk scripture with you the entire flight?
Then I just watch porn on my laptop.
Tilt your head back and pinch.
I know how to deal with a bloody nose, but thanks.
Oh, hell, no!
Get out of here!
Um, uh, my girlfriend needs help.
It's okay, honey.
You can step out.
She's fine.
Get out of here before you freak people out.
Go on.
Yeah, you better go...
Before she calls security.
[ Sniffles ] You got 30 seconds.
[ Door rattles ] Hey, do you have a cellphone I could borrow, please?
Sure, honey.
Here.
Oh, thank you.
Did Mr.
Freaky Shoes do that to you?
[ Chuckling ] Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we had a-a fight.
Oh, lord.
[ Sighs ] Andy?
Shu...
shut up.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, shut up.
It's plan "c."
Plan...
No, seriously.
It's "c."
We're at the airport.
So is Esteban.
Yeah, bye.
[ Sighs ] [ Beeps ] I'm sure she'll be here soon.
That makes one of us.
She's mom.
Who knows what she's up to?
[ Breathes deeply ] Come on, come on.
[ Woman speaking indistinctly on P.A.
System ] I'd like to buy two tickets for flight 966 to Paris.
Here's my passport, my credit card.
Thank you.
Um, yeah.
That flight is fully booked.
Okay, then.
Uh, please sell me two tickets for...Any flight leaving this terminal.
Any flight?
You don't care where you're going?
No.
[ Keys clacking ] Um...
My computer just froze.
[ Clacking continues ] I'll be right back.
You got the tickets?
No, his, uh, computer froze.
No, it didn't.
No, it didn't.
You're a foreign national buying last-minute tickets to Europe.
Money is no object.
If you'd ordered the halal meal, you might have hit the trifecta.
Here they come.
Excuse me, Mr.
Reyes.
May I please see your passport, sir?
Sure.
Woman: Attention, please.
The gate for flight 20 has been changed.
New gate is gate number 23.
Esteban: [ Sighs ] Uh...Excuse me, sir.
I-I think you might have picked up my ticket and my passport by mistake.
No, I don't think so.
Uh, he's with me.
Yeah, uh, I think you did.
Could you...
Would you mind looking?
Do you have this woman's ticket and passport, sir?
Oh, wow.
Look at that.
My mistake.
No, no, it's my fault.
I'm so sorry.
It was my fault.
I set it down on the counter.
It could have happened to anybody who's also from Iceland.
Nice to meet a...
A fellow...National.
If you two gentlemen would please follow me to security, we have a few questions we'd like to ask you.
Yeah.
Sure.
Man on P.A.: ...The flight is slightly overbooked.
We are offering complimentary round-trip...
Who is he talking to on the phone, anyway?
I don't know.
God, she's always late.
She was late for class.
She was late for dinner.
Late for dinner?
Yeah, we used to have dinner.
Of course, there was no cooking at her house.
Then again, there was no cooking at my house.
[ Chuckles ] But I used to get her lean cuisine.
She loved that.
How old was she?
15.
14.
How old were you?
Let's just say that I was old enough to know better and young enough not to care.
Ew.
I loved her.
And then she outgrew me...
And then she left.
But she came back.
That's so "Lolita."
You know, I'm not going anywhere without her.
There she is.
Thank you.
Nancy!
[ Receiver clicks ] Did you do what I asked you to do?
Yeah....But...
Where's the baby?
He's right over there with Shane and Warren.
Where's Silas?
He's not coming.
No...
Andy, the family's leaving.
Where is he?!
All families traveling with children...
Well, I-I can't believe you're...
Shh!
Shh!
Shh!
Nance...
Get on the plane with us, 'cause they're boarding now.
I can't believe you just let him...
Esteban's not here.
He isn't safe!
I-I didn't just let him.
He's not a kid.
Where is he?
He's with Lars.
Lars has very white teeth.
He played hockey.
They're...
they're...
they're fake.
Do you have a number?
No, you can call him from Copenhagen.
No, I can't.
No, I can't.
What's up between those two?
Shane: Who knows?
Always drama.
Well, did they ever...
No.
[ Woman speaking indistinctly on P.A.
system ] I can't believe you just let him stay.
I can't believe you can't understand why.
Oh!
That's us.
Nance, plan "a."
If we move fast, it's not too late.
No.
Plan "c."
God, you've ruined my life.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Not to mention, you lied to my brother [laughing] And made him raise another man's baby!
When are we gonna deal with that?
I know.
I'm the downfall of all Botwin men.
And Guinard and Reyes.
We gotta get with the gettin'.
Uh, I'm gonna change the baby.
You guys go ahead.
I changed him less than an hour ago.
It's a long flight.
And the bathrooms are...
are small.
His diaper's puffy.
I'll just be a sec.
[ Indistinct conversations ] Go, go, go!
Go.
Shane.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
Grab me a pillow and a blanket.
Uh, we're gonna lose all that overhead space.
We gotta hurry.
We'll see you on board, Nance.
Thanks, Warren.
Go fast, okay?
Okay.
[ Sighs ] [ Indistinct speaking on P.A.
system continues ] [ Dinging ] I-I need to go back.
I think I forgot something.
What'd you forget?
Whatever you need, we can buy it when we land.
Gum.
Gum!
I need gum.
My ears get really clogged.
I got gum.
Ugh.
Move into the row.
You're blocking the aisle.
I want the aisle seat.
Just move in.
No, you take the window.
I want the aisle seat.
Fine.
I got gum.
Didn't he hear me say I had gum?
I need to get off.
What's wrong?
Andy: Uh...
Jitters.
He's afraid to fly.
The doctor told me give him half a Xanax.
I was gonna wait, but could I trouble you for a sprite or something?
Oh, sure.
She's not coming, is she?
No, she's not.
Air Caelum, flight 966 with non-stop service to Paris, France.
At this time, all passengers may board through gate 215.
Vol air Caelum 966 sans-arret jusqu' Ã Paris, France.
I'm an idiot.
I'm an idiot with the worst fucked-up timing on earth.
No, it was perfect.
We pop out of security, he's walking in.
It was like fate.
Silas, get on the plane.
Silas, get on the plane.
Esteban, take the baby.
What about you?
I don't have time to have this conversation right now.
[ Stevie crying ] Fine.
Good luck with your...
New, old, fucked-up life.
That's right.
I pick Stevie.
He's fresh.
You're...Cooked.
Just go.
[ Crying continues ] Please, uh, when you kill her, let us know, okay?
Final boarding call for Air Caelum flight 966...
Just for closure.
...With non-stop service to Paris, France.
Final boarding call.
Will passengers Mike Newman and Nathalie Newman please check in at gate 215?
Silas.
Lars was teaching me how to change spark plugs.
...À destination de Paris, France.
Dernier appel.
Passangers Mike Newman et Nathalie Newman, merci de vous présenter porte 215 pour embarquement immédiat.
[ Crying continues ] [ Crying continues ] Couldn't stay away, huh?
Like you always said, I'm not very bright.
Did you see her?
[ Breathes deeply ] Uh-huh.
You did tell her to shake a leg, didn't you, Midas?
Uh-huh.
[ Crying continues ] Shh, shh, shh!
Mnh-mnh-mnh.
I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, you told me that once before.
I meant it at the time.
[ Stevie fussing ] Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Here you go.
Ohh.
[ Fussing stops ] [ Radio chatter ] Tell the Captain to hold the flight for these two.
Attention, passengers, please remain seated.
There will be a slight delay.
Just like your mother.
Waitin' till the last possible moment so she could make a big entrance.
...À vos places.
[ Radio chatter ] Mr.
Warren Schiff?
Hello, friend!
You're not my friend, are you?
Please stand and follow me off the plane, Mr.
Schiff.
Why?
What'd I do?
I-I-I'm only taking a vacation.
Mr.
Schiff, you're under arrest for the suspected burglary of a United States postal office.
Now, please stand up and follow me off the plane.
My partner will follow you.
You're a lucky guy.
You get the whole row to yourself.
And, uh, I'm leaving you my sleep wedge because you look like a fine young man.
Take good care of it.
It's very expensive.
[ Sighs ] One second?
I'm good.
Flight attendant: Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.
We will now be on our way.
Please make sure that your seatbelts are securely fastened and kindly turn your attention to the screens.
We'd like to play a short safety video for you.
Toutes nos excuses mesdames et messieurs.
Assurez-vous que votre ceinture de sécurité est attachée.
Nous allons commencer une courte vidéo sur les consignes de sécurités, merci de regarder vos écrans.
Now, if this was a confession, which it isn't, because I'm innocent, but theoretically speaking, if I were to do something like rob a post office, it would be because I loved someone very, very much, and I always will.
Policeman: Theoretical love is not dead.
Hooray for us all.
Come on.
Let's go.
I want to see the plane take off.
It'll take off.
I have what I want in your arms.
Let's go.
Nancy: So, what do we do now?
We...
we had quite the...Road trip.
Lots of adventures.
Um...
How's Cesar?
He's retired.
Nancy: Retired retired, like golf and early-bird-dinner retired, or your version of retired, like no-longer-living retired?
Nah, he's home with his family.
He's thinking about buying a boat.
I never figured him for the nautical type.
You could have come to me.
We would have worked it out.
I panicked.
[ Scoffs ] A thousand chances you had, and you took my child away.
You kidnapped Shane.
As a last measure.
He's a killer.
So are you.
So's...Guillermo.
Except when you're supposed to be, fucker.
Deal-breaker fucker.
You surprised I wasn't your little errand boy no more, blanca?
Don't you get it?
I fucking hate you.
You love me, you sociopathic piece of shit.
[ Scoffs ] We're homeys.
I'm gonna kill you, homey, gangland style.
Ugly.
Like your shoes?
My shoes are awesome.
So, the police won't know anything about Shane?
You are a devoted mother, aren't you?
You'll say nice things about me to Stevie?
[ Chuckles ] I'll tell him his mother loved him very much.
She was willing to sacrifice everything for him, even her life.
[ Gasps ] How about a-a farewell fuck?
That's crass.
And it won't save you.
What will?
Nothing.
Except plan "c."
What's that?
Hands up!
Hands up!
FBI!
Nancy Botwin?
I killed Pilar Zuazo.
Please, arrest me.
Agent: Federal agents!
Keep your hands in the air!
Please.
♪ I hear you're leaving town ♪ All right, let's go.
Move it.
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com ♪ it didn't have to be this way ♪ ♪ playing games and lost one day ♪ ♪ have mercy on my lonely soul ♪ ♪ it wasn't me, it was you, you know ♪ ♪ your lies have broke my life ♪ ♪ say goodbye, my angel ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪ ♪ hey, ho ♪ ♪ nobody knows ♪ ♪ you're not coming home ♪