Show: Family Guy - 6x1
(announcer on TV) We now return to "Sunday Golf' on CBS.
(commentator) Mickelson, trying to save par.
There's Mickelson's wife.
God, is she hot!
(commentator #2) Look at that rack.
There's a downhill lie.
(commentator #1) They're just begging to be touched, pleading.
How many golf balls can she fit in her mouth?
(commentator #2) I'd hit her in the rough.
(commentator #1) You'd pork her for a week, then tire of her.
(commentator #2) Yeah, you're right.
That's what I do.
But a hell of a week, though.
Hell of a week.
(gasping) Oh, my God!
The power's out!
What are we gonna do now?
Well, we could light some candles and read.
Yeah, right.
That'd be great.
Read the inside of my butt!
We could tell stories.
Dad, tell the story about when I was born.
We got halfway home with the afterbirth, then had to go back and swap it for Meg.
The end.
I got a better one.
This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights.
This is the story of Star Wars.
Let's begin with part IV.
(♪ theme from "Star Wars") (crash) (C-3PO) Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear.
And not the "Let's experiment" kind of boarded from the rear.
(R2-D2) Beep, oop.
Uh, could you hold onto this bag?
What if they come in a different door?
I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door.
Is it gonna be like this all day?
I'm just trying to contribute.
Well, contribute to pointing your gun at that door.
Why are you always way nicer to me when the other rebels aren't around?
Damn!
I was two days from retirement.
R2?
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
All right, now, what do I click?
Click "Preferences".
OK, I clicked "Preferences".
Now go to "Default media browser".
OK.
There's a little hourglass and it's not letting me do anything.
It says "buffering".
What is that?
Just give it a minute.
All I'm trying to do it make an MPEG.
All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait.
OK.
Relax.
Now click "lmport video file".
All right.
It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.
You know what?
I'll just bring it to him myself.
There she is.
You still got that bag I gave you?
It's gonna be a long ride.
Hold your fire.
There's no life forms aboard. "
Hold your fire"?!
Are we paying by the laser now?
You don't do the budget, Terry.
I do!
I'm gonna do crosswords but that doesn't mean I don't wanna talk.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
(Darth Vader) My God, look at this mess! "
Darth Vader's gonna be here.
Shall we clean up?"
"No, it's OK, he won't mind."
Well, well!
Princess Leia.
Prepared to tell me what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans?
All right, Lord Vader, you win.
I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases.
Ooh, ooh!
OK, OK.
I'm feeling number 14.
Let's go with number 14.
(groans) It's OK, I'm just happy to be on TV.
All right, take her away.
OK, who would you rather do: Jabba the Hutt right after a shower, or a service droid?
My father was a service droid!
Hey, where are you going?
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body.
Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighbourhood.
Oh, boy.
It's OK, R2 - calm down, be cool.
I ain't done nothing to antagonise nobody.
What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more?
I got rights, too.
Who's there?
(whimpers) (♪ Minuet from "String Quintet No 5" by Boccherini) (speaks Tusken) Any attack by the rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they obtained.
This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
That is fantastic.
Terrific work.
So no weaknesses at all, huh?
N...
No.
You hesitated there.
Is there something I should know?
No.
It's virtually indestructible - like, 99.99%.
Uh, OK.
Wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask: What's the.01?
Well, I mean, there's this little hole - it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect - and if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
That sounds like a pretty big design flaw.
No, no.
The hole's only two metres across.
That's no bigger than a womp rat.
Exactly.
And to get within range of it, you have to skim along a trench.
It's no big deal.
Can't we board it up or put some plywood over it or something?
That would look terrible - we gotta think about resale.
What?
This property is right above Sunset - the value's only gonna go up.
Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale.
Nor...
(pained gasps) I find your lack of faith disturbing.
That property is in a prime location - 20 minutes to the beach, same to downtown.
There's nothing to do downtown.
Enough of this!
Vader, release him.
As you wish.
(relieved gasp) All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole?
Tomorrow, if price is no object.
Uh...
We'll get estimates.
Get estimates, yeah.
Yeah.
Someone was in the pod.
The tracks go off in this direction.
Look, sir, droids.
Look, a penny!
Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer.
(whirring) All right, bring him on out.
Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here.
If I pass out, note I'm wearing a LifeCall bracelet with all my insurance information.
(woman) Luke?
Luke?
Luke?
What?!
Tell Uncle Owen not to tell you that your father is Darth Vader.
Aunt Beru, when are you guys gonna let me join the rebellion like all my friends?
Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk.
One day, I'm just gonna take off and join the rebellion, whether you like it or not.
Over my burnt carcass!
Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a!
Shut up-a with the "shut up-a".
You shut up-a with the "shut up-a".
Shut up-a your face.
Why you no shut up-a?
Shut up-a.
Shut up-a.
Hey, I poke out-a my head.
(melancholy music) Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire.
John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody!
(builds to a rousing climax) Now do the theme to The People's Court.
(♪ theme from "The People's Court") Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good.
You guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right?
Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble.
Is there any more to this message?
Intergalactic, proton-powered, electrical-tentacled advertising droids.
Intergalactic, proton-powered, electrical-tentacled advertising droids.
Hi, I'm Darth Harrington of Intergalactic, Proton-powered, Electrical-tentacled Advertising Droids Emporium.
Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am overstocked on intergalactic, proton-powered, advertising droids, and I am passing the savings on to you!
She said "Obi-Wan Kenobi".
I wonder if she means old Obi- Wan Kenobi?
Well, I guess I'll go bull's-eye some womp rats in my T-16.
My God, you shoot small animals for fun?
That's the first indicator of a serial killer.
There's two suns and no women - what the hell am I supposed to do?!
Master Luke, he's gone!
He's gone!
What?
R2.
He took off in the middle of the night.
What the Phantom Menace is that guy's problem?
Mind if I turn on the radio?
(man) WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio.
(Limbaugh) My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again.
They never stop.
Now they're trying to convince us Hoth is melting.
It's just trying to scare us.
And if that weren't enough to get you mad, we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin Mining Facility.
Gee, I wonder how he got that job.
Let me tell you how: Affirmative action strikes again.
The time is 8:50.
R2, what are you doing out here?
Beep, oop, beep.
He says there are creatures approaching from the southeast.
That's not what I said.
I said, "There ain't a pack of menthols on this planet."
Well, I see some bantha tracks, but I don't see any...
Wait a minute, they're Sand People, all right.
I can see one of 'em now.
(grunting) (strange whistling) Who the hell are you?
One lucky son of a bitch!
So, Luke, what brings your muscly arms out this way?
I'll show you, Mr Obi-Wan.
R2, play him the message.
General Kenobi, many years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars.
We need your help again.
And, not to get too personal, but you owe us after that mess you got into back on Alderaan.
(fast-forwarding) And we paid to keep the families of those children quiet, so...
This is just, like, logistical stuff.
I'll check that later.
...
Joey Lawrence haircut.
So I'll assume we can count on your help to get the Death Star plans to my father on Alderaan.
The plans are stored inside this R2 unit.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
All right, now, what do I click?
Luke, you must learn the ways of the Force and come with me to Alderaan.
What's the Force?
It's what gives a Jedi Knight his power.
It surrounds us.
It penetrates us.
Mmmmmm!
Here, check this out.
Wow!
This is cool!
Yeah, everyone in the neighbourhood has one.
Hey, why would you hang that up?
It looks so tantalising.
You know, the Empire's gonna come looking for these droids.
But if they find out who the Jawas sold them to, that could lead them back...
home!
Luke, wait!
It's too dangerous!
Get your fat space ass back here.
Uncle Owen?
Aunt Beru?
(gasps) Oh, my God!
(gasps) John Williams!
Great.
Now we gotta do the rest of this thing with Danny Elfman.
(♪ parody of theme from "The Simpsons") (Obi-Wan Kenobi) Mos Eisley Spaceport.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
My sister, Regina-D2, lives here.
Is she single?
She's a lesbot.
How are we gonna get in here?
We don't have any chicks with us.
It's way easier to get into these clubs if you have chicks in your group.
Noticed that?
No, uh...
I never have.
Sorry, private party tonight.
I'm a friend of Dave Navarro's.
You're a friend of Dave Navarro's.
You saw me here last week.
I seemed like a cool dude.
I saw you here last week.
You seemed like a cool dude.
Move along.
Move along, move along.
(♪ Mos Eisley theme from "Star Wars") (deep grunting) He doesn't like you.
Sorry.
I don't like you either.
You don't even know me!
That's fair.
I'm Pignose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scott.
He's visiting from Hoth.
I don't know why they call it Hoth.
They should call it Coldth.
OK, settle down.
I'm up after the band.
Thank you.
We're the Cantina Band.
If you have any requests, shout 'em out.
(throws voice) Play that same song.
Same song.
Here we go.
(same tune resumes) Oh, no, stormtroopers!
Quick, R2, in here.
This door is locked.
Move on to the next one.
Maybe they're behind this door.
I just said it's locked.
Can't you knock or something?
Hello-o?
Whoever's in there won't be getting this giant cheque from Publisher's Clearing House.
(R2) Publisher's Clearing House?
(C-3PO) Shut up!
Hear something?
I heard voices, but they stopped, so I'm gonna assume there's no one in there.
Hi.
My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money.
Well, you've come to the right place.
I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon, and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.
Is it a fast ship?
Are you kidding?
It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.
Oh...
Isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time?
No, no, no.
Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready.
(strange gargling) Always gargle before a takeoff.
Wacca-wacca.
All right, let's go.
Greedo, as a matter of fact, I was just going to see Jabba and tell him...
Well, what do you think?
What a piece ofjunk!
Thank you.
This was my brother's.
He died of leukaemia.
How do you feel now?
(R2) You got any strawberry milk in there?
No, but she'll make.5 past light speed.
I'll show you around, since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us.
Stop that ship.
Blast 'em.
Now I can't show you around.
Quick, get in the ship.
We got lmperial cruisers on our tail.
Look at that one on the left.
Get off your cellphone, you are driving.
They're gaining on us.
We'll be safe once we jump to hyperspace.
Besides, I know a few manoeuvres.
We'll lose 'em.
Uh, that...
that was your manoeuvre - moving slightly to the left?
Well, we're not in the same place we were.
Huh?
That ought to confuse 'em.
Yeah, but you hardly did anything.
You just started listing lazily to the left.
I'm sure they can keep up.
Where did they go?
There they are, listing lazily to the left.
Left!
Boy, this guy knows some manoeuvres!
Strap yourselves in.
I'm jumping to light speed.
Did he say "strap in" or "strap-on"?
Man, hyperspace always look so freaky.
(♪ theme from "Dr Who") (♪ bass-heavy dance) Governor Tarkin.
I recognised your foul stench as soon as I was brought on board.
Um, actually, that's me.
I made a Darth doodie.
I Sith-ed my pants.
My diaper's gone over to the dark side.
I got pages of these - I could go on.
Princess Leia, we've chosen to test our Death Star, planet-blower-upper gun on your home planet of Alderaan.
No!
She said no.
Should we still do it?
Yeah.
(gasps) So anyway, I says, "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave, I just want a railing."
You know?
One railing, right here.
I've almost fallen over there so many times.
So what did they say?
They're worried we'd be leaning all day.
They said that?!
Yeah.
None of this will matter when we're famous singers.
Good evening, Death Star.
Tonight, a special report on a controversial attack on Alderaan.
While some view the attack as unwarranted, the Empire has obtained proof that Alderaan was in possession of weapons of mass destruction.
Now let's go to our forecast.
What's the weather like, Ali?
Space weather!
Thanks.
Coming up, the road closures for this week's Ewok Pride parade.
Stay with us.
How am I doing?
Just keep your knees bent.
Imagine you're spreading butter on a big piece of bread.
That's it, spread that butter, with the Force.
Ha!
You guys seem like crazy morons to me.
You don't believe in the Force, do you?
You mean that thing you just found out about and are now judging me for not believing in?
Do you believe in anything?
Yeah.
Didn't you see my kabbalah bracelet?
What's kabbalah?
About a buck, 75.
Honestly, I have no idea.
I'm just a slave to trends.
(crash) What the hell?
Oh, my God!
We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field.
(series of explosions) Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire!
Maybe we should head for that small moon that's clearly a small moon, not anything else.
That's no moon.
It's a space station.
Oh, crap!
They got us in a tractor beam.
They're not gonna get me without a fight.
You can't win.
But there are alternatives to fighting.
Like what?
Like getting the hell outta here!
No, just kidding.
Can you imagine if I was like that?
(gunfire) (Han) All right, just follow my lead and act real cool.
(♪ "Minnie the Moocher" by Cab Calloway) All right, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam.
And we'll go rescue the princess.
You know, Luke, this may be the last time we see each other, so there's something I want you to know.
♪ Now, I've had the time of my life ♪ And I owe it all to you ♪ I've been waiting for so long ♪ Now I've finally found someone to stand by me ♪ So we take each other's hand ♪ Cos we seem to understand ♪ The urgency ♪ Just remember ♪ You're the one thing ♪ I can't get enough of ♪ Shall I tell you something?
♪ This could be love ♪ Because ♪ I've had the time of my life ♪ No, I've never felt this way before ♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth ♪ And I owe it all to you (giggling) (growls) Holy shit!
You'll never believe what I just seen.
Tyra Banks?
Now you've said something better, so my thing don't sound cool.
Come on, what'd you see?
I don't remember.
I just was thinking about Tyra Banks.
Ooh!
Can you imagine?
Every night!
Don't shake my hand!
You ain't got no hand.
You're a little truck.
(Chewbacca) Is this the first floor?
(Luke) Second floor.
(Han) No, no.
Here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that.
It's right back there.
Now, we parked on the Macy's side, so now we must be over here by JC Penney.
(Luke) The first floor is mostly men's stuff, and there's a Lady Foot Locker there.
(Chewbacca) So it's third floor.
(Han) Let's get in the elevator.
And hurry up, cos the smell of that Mrs.
Fields is killing me.
(cheesy elevator version of "Star Wars" music) (Han) Wrong floor - stormtrooper church.
And do you, Alan, take Judith to be your lawfully wedded wife, till death or a giant explosion do you part?
(music resumes) (music stops) Where are you taking this thing?
(Han) Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138.
You think you could get me a room by the pool?
Is funny because you are prisoner.
And there is no pool because is Death Star.
(Han) We gotta find out what cell the princess is in.
There it is - 2187.
(Luke) I'm on it.
Everything's under control here.
Situation normal.
(man) What happened?
We had a weapons malfunction, but everything's perfectly all right.
We're fine.
We're all fine...
here...
now.
Thank you.
How are you?
(man groans) I've been better.
Well, tell me what's up.
Well, I'm in this relationship and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
I like her, but we're not really connecting.
How long's it been?
Ten months.
How often do you see each other?
Twice a week.
Why don't you try seeing each other more often and see if you connect more?
If not, it may be time to move on.
Thanks for calling.
This is Han Solo.
I'll be keeping you company for the next few hours on the midnight shift.
(♪ "It Might Be You" by Stephen Bishop) ♪ It's telling me it might be you Aren't you a little fat to be a stormtrooper?
Stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch!
Wait.
Who are you?
I'm Luke Skywalker.
Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
Wait.
Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Yeah.
Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?
Come on, into the garbage chute.
Come on, Chewbacca.
It's probably full of disease.
I'm notjumping in there.
Not even if I throw this pig's ear?
That's not fair.
Go get it.
(excited barking) Great idea, Princess - diving into a pile of garbage.
When we get out of here maybe you can show me around your home planet of Alderaan.
Aw!
Too soon?
Hey, could be worse.
(deep growl) It's worse.
The walls are closing!
(yelling) (yelling continues) Listen to them, R2.
They're dying.
What do we do?
Only one thing to do, man.
You still got that bag I gave you?
(yelling) Man, I wish I could listen to some Tatooine Wind and Fire right now.
Mm.
So you think the Empire's gonna fall, man?
I-I-I...
I don't know, man.
How you...
how you...
how you doing right now?
Good.
Why?
I think...
I think...
I think I may be having sort of a mini freakout here.
Oh!
Just...
just tell me I don't have to stay in this room.
What?
Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room.
You don't have to stay in this room.
Oh, thank Christ!
(cheering) Thank God!
We're saved!
Look at this!
Who throws out half a pizza?
And look at this couch!
Somebody threw out a whole couch, and it's in great shape.
You put Febreze on that, scrub it out a bit, it'll look great in your apartment.
You know what?
I know we have a dangerous job to do here, but I'm taking this.
I'm taking this couch.
(Han) You ready?
All right, one, two, three.
OK, all right.
Easy, easy, easy!
OK.
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
What?
What?
No, no, twist it.
I am.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Other way.
Which way?
What do you want me to do?!
Just look down.
Look at what I'm doing.
See the way I'm twisting it?
Turn it that way from your end.
OK.
No, no, no, no, no.
What?
Just put it down.
Put it down.
Just drop it All right.
All right, let's...
just hang on and figure this out.
There are stormtroopers all over the place.
Shouldn't we be getting outta here?
All right, OK.
OK, I got it.
I know what we...
We're gonna take the cushions off, unscrew the legs, take the mattress out, and this whole thing's gonna be a lot simpler.
It's easier than we're making it.
Hey, did you hear something?
Probably just another drill.
You know that last drill we had?
I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, then we heard that there was this drill and she told me there was no way.
(Darth Vader) So, Obi-Wan, we meet again.
What part of "Stay 50 yards away at all times" don't you understand?
Uh-oh!
Your powers are weak, old man.
(Luke) Obi-Wan!
Boy, you got here just in time.
No!
All right, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Counterclockwise.
You're twisting it the other way.
Counterclockwise from where I'm standing, so...
so then...
so clockwise.
So, yeah, you twist it clockwise.
OK, go.
Put it down for a sec.
My fingers are killing me.
Han, they're shooting at us!
Lift it up tallways.
Oh, for Christ's...
It's wedged!
It's not going anywhere.
Let's just take off.
We'll deal with it later.
You get in the cockpit, and I'll just hang onto this thing as we go.
Easy!
I can't believe he's gone.
I know, Luke, but it's true - he's gone.
I mean, you saw him get beheaded.
Nobody lives through that.
Not for long, anyway.
I mean, sometimes the brain is still active for a few minutes after the beheading, but to be honest, I can't imagine a worse kind of hell.
And unfortunately, hell is probably where he'll end up, because the Christians don't look too kindly on the whole Force thing.
Come on, kid.
We're not out of the woods yet.
Here they come.
(sings along with dramatic theme) Hey, Han.
What?
Why do they call 'em TIE fighters?
No idea.
(yelling in Thai) They're coming too fast!
A nickel for every time I've had that problem.
Just keep shooting, Luke.
Yeah!
That's how we do it in my neighbourhood, bitch!
I got him.
I got him!
Don't get penisy.
I just want to tell you both: Good luck, we're all counting on you.
(relieved sigh) Mom?
Yeah, we won.
Yeah, we won the battle.
Yeah, I'm calling like you asked.
OK.
OK.
OK, but...
OK, but I gotta go.
I got other stuff to do.
OK.
OK.
OK, but I gotta go.
OK.
OK, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, Mom.
I love you too, Mom.
Goodbye.
(relieved sigh) The homing beacon is safely on board the Millennium Falcon.
I'm taking an awful risk, Vader.
It had better work.
I think they took your old couch.
What?!
I threw that away.
I'd killed Obi-Wan, then I look over and there are two dudes scurrying across with a couch.
It had the stain on it from when we had Hawaiian punch night.
Yeah, that's my couch.
Rebel scum!
(imitates gunfire) Gotcha!
Thanks to the information in this R2 unit provided by Princess Leia, we should be able to mount a successful offensive on the Death Star.
But first, please take a moment to watch this instructional video.
Nothing but net.
Hi, I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on blowing up the Death Star.
First off, never forget your objective.
There are gonna be so many folks coming at you to slow you down, you might feel like you got a bull's-eye on your head.
No, but they will be trying to kill you.
Also, don't forget you have teammates out there watching your back - unless you been messing around with their wife or girlfriend!
No, but they will be there to help you.
Lastly, you wanna make sure you step back and take cover after you sink that bucket, cos that sky gonna light up like the Fourth of July.
No, but there will be a large explosion.
Any questions?
(man) Yeah, I got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
(chuckling) You'll get that answer to that question next Saturday!
Don't mess with the bull, you'll get the horns!
Biggs?
Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
Hey, Luke.
I was under a Y-wing, working on the space engine, and the whole thing just dropped on me.
Holy crap!
Yeah, holy crap.
So, you here for the Death Star assault?
Yeah.
Yeah, I can't wait.
How about you?
Well, no, I can't really...
Oh, yeah, because of the...
The chair.
...chair, yeah.
So I'll just be here making sandwiches for when you guys get back.
Oh!
Well...
well, that's cool.
Yeah.
You want anything special?
What?
You mean, like, a sandwich?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I mean, I couldn't.
Whatever you make will be fine.
Hey, Biggs.
Yeah?
You're just as big a part of this as...
I mean, you're doing stuff and...
and I think that's great.
Well, kid, I guess this is goodbye.
So you got your reward and you're leaving, is that it?
When you say it that way, I sound like a douche, but yeah.
What did you get for a reward, anyway?
Let's see, I got 10% off a Netflix membership, um...
some nice Cracker Barrel Cheddar, assorted lotions, and a little plastic champagne bottle full ofjellybeans, and a little bear.
See?
Little bear?
(silly voice) Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star.
Well, take care of yourself, Han.
I guess that's what you're best at.
Oh, look, a lightsaber cheese knife.
Mm...
Yuck!
All wings, check in.
Red Three standing by.
Red Six standing by.
Red Five standing by.
Red Buttons standing by.
Redd Foxx standing by.
Big Red standing by.
(Connery) Red October standing by.
Helen Reddy standing by.
Simply Red standing by.
I'm going in.
Cover me, Porkins.
Uh, having a little trouble here.
Careful, Redd Foxx - there's one right on your tail!
Argh!
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
(Obi-Wan Kenobi) Use the Force, Luke.
Obi-Wan?
Yeah, it's me.
Use the Force.
Force that thing in there, just like I showed you with those puppets.
But don't tell nobody, cos you'll get in trouble.
I don't like the look of this neighbourhood.
It's important for the kids to witness the plight of the rebellion.
Kids, you noticing all this plight?
Roll 'em up!
The Force is strong with this one.
Argh!
Fuck you, you son of a bitch!
What am I, R-Tupac?
(man) The Death Star is getting closer.
And Leia's getting larger!
I have you now, young Skywalker.
And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon!
What the deuce?!
Yahoo!
Look at how much more comfortable we are now, shooting stuff.
Phew!
(Obi-Wan Kenobi) Luke, the Force will be with you always.
And so will l- always.
Of course, when you get older and get some crow's-feet, I might lose interest.
(cheering) You did it!
Yay!
Hooray!
I have your sandwich.
Yay!
My what?
Oh.
Yay!
Thank you, Biggs.
Yay!
I'm part of things, too.
Yay!
(cheering) The end.
(cheering) Well, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained.
That was a great story.
Yeah.
But didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence.
I think a decent number of people watch it.
Oh, really?
Define "decent".
It's the highest-rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Well, yeah, but double ten people is 20 people.
What kind of numbers are we talking about here?
Don't be glib about this stuff.
It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
I don't know about that, Chris.
To me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC.
One of the real networks.
I don't know about that, Dad.
Besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time?
What is that?
15 minutes of guys playing with Star Wars dolls? "
Oh, yay..."
Oh, so you do know the show!
I read part of a review online.
I am not a fan.
You know, Dad, you're a real jerk!
(sings theme from "Star Wars") ENGLISH SDH
(commentator) Mickelson, trying to save par.
There's Mickelson's wife.
God, is she hot!
(commentator #2) Look at that rack.
There's a downhill lie.
(commentator #1) They're just begging to be touched, pleading.
How many golf balls can she fit in her mouth?
(commentator #2) I'd hit her in the rough.
(commentator #1) You'd pork her for a week, then tire of her.
(commentator #2) Yeah, you're right.
That's what I do.
But a hell of a week, though.
Hell of a week.
(gasping) Oh, my God!
The power's out!
What are we gonna do now?
Well, we could light some candles and read.
Yeah, right.
That'd be great.
Read the inside of my butt!
We could tell stories.
Dad, tell the story about when I was born.
We got halfway home with the afterbirth, then had to go back and swap it for Meg.
The end.
I got a better one.
This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights.
This is the story of Star Wars.
Let's begin with part IV.
(♪ theme from "Star Wars") (crash) (C-3PO) Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear.
And not the "Let's experiment" kind of boarded from the rear.
(R2-D2) Beep, oop.
Uh, could you hold onto this bag?
What if they come in a different door?
I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door.
Is it gonna be like this all day?
I'm just trying to contribute.
Well, contribute to pointing your gun at that door.
Why are you always way nicer to me when the other rebels aren't around?
Damn!
I was two days from retirement.
R2?
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
All right, now, what do I click?
Click "Preferences".
OK, I clicked "Preferences".
Now go to "Default media browser".
OK.
There's a little hourglass and it's not letting me do anything.
It says "buffering".
What is that?
Just give it a minute.
All I'm trying to do it make an MPEG.
All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait.
OK.
Relax.
Now click "lmport video file".
All right.
It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7.
You know what?
I'll just bring it to him myself.
There she is.
You still got that bag I gave you?
It's gonna be a long ride.
Hold your fire.
There's no life forms aboard. "
Hold your fire"?!
Are we paying by the laser now?
You don't do the budget, Terry.
I do!
I'm gonna do crosswords but that doesn't mean I don't wanna talk.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
(Darth Vader) My God, look at this mess! "
Darth Vader's gonna be here.
Shall we clean up?"
"No, it's OK, he won't mind."
Well, well!
Princess Leia.
Prepared to tell me what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans?
All right, Lord Vader, you win.
I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases.
Ooh, ooh!
OK, OK.
I'm feeling number 14.
Let's go with number 14.
(groans) It's OK, I'm just happy to be on TV.
All right, take her away.
OK, who would you rather do: Jabba the Hutt right after a shower, or a service droid?
My father was a service droid!
Hey, where are you going?
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body.
Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighbourhood.
Oh, boy.
It's OK, R2 - calm down, be cool.
I ain't done nothing to antagonise nobody.
What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more?
I got rights, too.
Who's there?
(whimpers) (♪ Minuet from "String Quintet No 5" by Boccherini) (speaks Tusken) Any attack by the rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they obtained.
This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
That is fantastic.
Terrific work.
So no weaknesses at all, huh?
N...
No.
You hesitated there.
Is there something I should know?
No.
It's virtually indestructible - like, 99.99%.
Uh, OK.
Wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask: What's the.01?
Well, I mean, there's this little hole - it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect - and if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
That sounds like a pretty big design flaw.
No, no.
The hole's only two metres across.
That's no bigger than a womp rat.
Exactly.
And to get within range of it, you have to skim along a trench.
It's no big deal.
Can't we board it up or put some plywood over it or something?
That would look terrible - we gotta think about resale.
What?
This property is right above Sunset - the value's only gonna go up.
Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale.
Nor...
(pained gasps) I find your lack of faith disturbing.
That property is in a prime location - 20 minutes to the beach, same to downtown.
There's nothing to do downtown.
Enough of this!
Vader, release him.
As you wish.
(relieved gasp) All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole?
Tomorrow, if price is no object.
Uh...
We'll get estimates.
Get estimates, yeah.
Yeah.
Someone was in the pod.
The tracks go off in this direction.
Look, sir, droids.
Look, a penny!
Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer.
(whirring) All right, bring him on out.
Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here.
If I pass out, note I'm wearing a LifeCall bracelet with all my insurance information.
(woman) Luke?
Luke?
Luke?
What?!
Tell Uncle Owen not to tell you that your father is Darth Vader.
Aunt Beru, when are you guys gonna let me join the rebellion like all my friends?
Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk.
One day, I'm just gonna take off and join the rebellion, whether you like it or not.
Over my burnt carcass!
Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a!
Shut up-a with the "shut up-a".
You shut up-a with the "shut up-a".
Shut up-a your face.
Why you no shut up-a?
Shut up-a.
Shut up-a.
Hey, I poke out-a my head.
(melancholy music) Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire.
John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody!
(builds to a rousing climax) Now do the theme to The People's Court.
(♪ theme from "The People's Court") Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good.
You guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right?
Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble.
Is there any more to this message?
Intergalactic, proton-powered, electrical-tentacled advertising droids.
Intergalactic, proton-powered, electrical-tentacled advertising droids.
Hi, I'm Darth Harrington of Intergalactic, Proton-powered, Electrical-tentacled Advertising Droids Emporium.
Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am overstocked on intergalactic, proton-powered, advertising droids, and I am passing the savings on to you!
She said "Obi-Wan Kenobi".
I wonder if she means old Obi- Wan Kenobi?
Well, I guess I'll go bull's-eye some womp rats in my T-16.
My God, you shoot small animals for fun?
That's the first indicator of a serial killer.
There's two suns and no women - what the hell am I supposed to do?!
Master Luke, he's gone!
He's gone!
What?
R2.
He took off in the middle of the night.
What the Phantom Menace is that guy's problem?
Mind if I turn on the radio?
(man) WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio.
(Limbaugh) My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again.
They never stop.
Now they're trying to convince us Hoth is melting.
It's just trying to scare us.
And if that weren't enough to get you mad, we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin Mining Facility.
Gee, I wonder how he got that job.
Let me tell you how: Affirmative action strikes again.
The time is 8:50.
R2, what are you doing out here?
Beep, oop, beep.
He says there are creatures approaching from the southeast.
That's not what I said.
I said, "There ain't a pack of menthols on this planet."
Well, I see some bantha tracks, but I don't see any...
Wait a minute, they're Sand People, all right.
I can see one of 'em now.
(grunting) (strange whistling) Who the hell are you?
One lucky son of a bitch!
So, Luke, what brings your muscly arms out this way?
I'll show you, Mr Obi-Wan.
R2, play him the message.
General Kenobi, many years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars.
We need your help again.
And, not to get too personal, but you owe us after that mess you got into back on Alderaan.
(fast-forwarding) And we paid to keep the families of those children quiet, so...
This is just, like, logistical stuff.
I'll check that later.
...
Joey Lawrence haircut.
So I'll assume we can count on your help to get the Death Star plans to my father on Alderaan.
The plans are stored inside this R2 unit.
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
You're my only hope.
All right, now, what do I click?
Luke, you must learn the ways of the Force and come with me to Alderaan.
What's the Force?
It's what gives a Jedi Knight his power.
It surrounds us.
It penetrates us.
Mmmmmm!
Here, check this out.
Wow!
This is cool!
Yeah, everyone in the neighbourhood has one.
Hey, why would you hang that up?
It looks so tantalising.
You know, the Empire's gonna come looking for these droids.
But if they find out who the Jawas sold them to, that could lead them back...
home!
Luke, wait!
It's too dangerous!
Get your fat space ass back here.
Uncle Owen?
Aunt Beru?
(gasps) Oh, my God!
(gasps) John Williams!
Great.
Now we gotta do the rest of this thing with Danny Elfman.
(♪ parody of theme from "The Simpsons") (Obi-Wan Kenobi) Mos Eisley Spaceport.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
My sister, Regina-D2, lives here.
Is she single?
She's a lesbot.
How are we gonna get in here?
We don't have any chicks with us.
It's way easier to get into these clubs if you have chicks in your group.
Noticed that?
No, uh...
I never have.
Sorry, private party tonight.
I'm a friend of Dave Navarro's.
You're a friend of Dave Navarro's.
You saw me here last week.
I seemed like a cool dude.
I saw you here last week.
You seemed like a cool dude.
Move along.
Move along, move along.
(♪ Mos Eisley theme from "Star Wars") (deep grunting) He doesn't like you.
Sorry.
I don't like you either.
You don't even know me!
That's fair.
I'm Pignose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scott.
He's visiting from Hoth.
I don't know why they call it Hoth.
They should call it Coldth.
OK, settle down.
I'm up after the band.
Thank you.
We're the Cantina Band.
If you have any requests, shout 'em out.
(throws voice) Play that same song.
Same song.
Here we go.
(same tune resumes) Oh, no, stormtroopers!
Quick, R2, in here.
This door is locked.
Move on to the next one.
Maybe they're behind this door.
I just said it's locked.
Can't you knock or something?
Hello-o?
Whoever's in there won't be getting this giant cheque from Publisher's Clearing House.
(R2) Publisher's Clearing House?
(C-3PO) Shut up!
Hear something?
I heard voices, but they stopped, so I'm gonna assume there's no one in there.
Hi.
My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship to take us to Alderaan, and I'm willing to pay big money.
Well, you've come to the right place.
I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon, and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.
Is it a fast ship?
Are you kidding?
It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.
Oh...
Isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time?
No, no, no.
Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready.
(strange gargling) Always gargle before a takeoff.
Wacca-wacca.
All right, let's go.
Greedo, as a matter of fact, I was just going to see Jabba and tell him...
Well, what do you think?
What a piece ofjunk!
Thank you.
This was my brother's.
He died of leukaemia.
How do you feel now?
(R2) You got any strawberry milk in there?
No, but she'll make.5 past light speed.
I'll show you around, since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us.
Stop that ship.
Blast 'em.
Now I can't show you around.
Quick, get in the ship.
We got lmperial cruisers on our tail.
Look at that one on the left.
Get off your cellphone, you are driving.
They're gaining on us.
We'll be safe once we jump to hyperspace.
Besides, I know a few manoeuvres.
We'll lose 'em.
Uh, that...
that was your manoeuvre - moving slightly to the left?
Well, we're not in the same place we were.
Huh?
That ought to confuse 'em.
Yeah, but you hardly did anything.
You just started listing lazily to the left.
I'm sure they can keep up.
Where did they go?
There they are, listing lazily to the left.
Left!
Boy, this guy knows some manoeuvres!
Strap yourselves in.
I'm jumping to light speed.
Did he say "strap in" or "strap-on"?
Man, hyperspace always look so freaky.
(♪ theme from "Dr Who") (♪ bass-heavy dance) Governor Tarkin.
I recognised your foul stench as soon as I was brought on board.
Um, actually, that's me.
I made a Darth doodie.
I Sith-ed my pants.
My diaper's gone over to the dark side.
I got pages of these - I could go on.
Princess Leia, we've chosen to test our Death Star, planet-blower-upper gun on your home planet of Alderaan.
No!
She said no.
Should we still do it?
Yeah.
(gasps) So anyway, I says, "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave, I just want a railing."
You know?
One railing, right here.
I've almost fallen over there so many times.
So what did they say?
They're worried we'd be leaning all day.
They said that?!
Yeah.
None of this will matter when we're famous singers.
Good evening, Death Star.
Tonight, a special report on a controversial attack on Alderaan.
While some view the attack as unwarranted, the Empire has obtained proof that Alderaan was in possession of weapons of mass destruction.
Now let's go to our forecast.
What's the weather like, Ali?
Space weather!
Thanks.
Coming up, the road closures for this week's Ewok Pride parade.
Stay with us.
How am I doing?
Just keep your knees bent.
Imagine you're spreading butter on a big piece of bread.
That's it, spread that butter, with the Force.
Ha!
You guys seem like crazy morons to me.
You don't believe in the Force, do you?
You mean that thing you just found out about and are now judging me for not believing in?
Do you believe in anything?
Yeah.
Didn't you see my kabbalah bracelet?
What's kabbalah?
About a buck, 75.
Honestly, I have no idea.
I'm just a slave to trends.
(crash) What the hell?
Oh, my God!
We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field.
(series of explosions) Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire!
Maybe we should head for that small moon that's clearly a small moon, not anything else.
That's no moon.
It's a space station.
Oh, crap!
They got us in a tractor beam.
They're not gonna get me without a fight.
You can't win.
But there are alternatives to fighting.
Like what?
Like getting the hell outta here!
No, just kidding.
Can you imagine if I was like that?
(gunfire) (Han) All right, just follow my lead and act real cool.
(♪ "Minnie the Moocher" by Cab Calloway) All right, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam.
And we'll go rescue the princess.
You know, Luke, this may be the last time we see each other, so there's something I want you to know.
♪ Now, I've had the time of my life ♪ And I owe it all to you ♪ I've been waiting for so long ♪ Now I've finally found someone to stand by me ♪ So we take each other's hand ♪ Cos we seem to understand ♪ The urgency ♪ Just remember ♪ You're the one thing ♪ I can't get enough of ♪ Shall I tell you something?
♪ This could be love ♪ Because ♪ I've had the time of my life ♪ No, I've never felt this way before ♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth ♪ And I owe it all to you (giggling) (growls) Holy shit!
You'll never believe what I just seen.
Tyra Banks?
Now you've said something better, so my thing don't sound cool.
Come on, what'd you see?
I don't remember.
I just was thinking about Tyra Banks.
Ooh!
Can you imagine?
Every night!
Don't shake my hand!
You ain't got no hand.
You're a little truck.
(Chewbacca) Is this the first floor?
(Luke) Second floor.
(Han) No, no.
Here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that.
It's right back there.
Now, we parked on the Macy's side, so now we must be over here by JC Penney.
(Luke) The first floor is mostly men's stuff, and there's a Lady Foot Locker there.
(Chewbacca) So it's third floor.
(Han) Let's get in the elevator.
And hurry up, cos the smell of that Mrs.
Fields is killing me.
(cheesy elevator version of "Star Wars" music) (Han) Wrong floor - stormtrooper church.
And do you, Alan, take Judith to be your lawfully wedded wife, till death or a giant explosion do you part?
(music resumes) (music stops) Where are you taking this thing?
(Han) Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138.
You think you could get me a room by the pool?
Is funny because you are prisoner.
And there is no pool because is Death Star.
(Han) We gotta find out what cell the princess is in.
There it is - 2187.
(Luke) I'm on it.
Everything's under control here.
Situation normal.
(man) What happened?
We had a weapons malfunction, but everything's perfectly all right.
We're fine.
We're all fine...
here...
now.
Thank you.
How are you?
(man groans) I've been better.
Well, tell me what's up.
Well, I'm in this relationship and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
I like her, but we're not really connecting.
How long's it been?
Ten months.
How often do you see each other?
Twice a week.
Why don't you try seeing each other more often and see if you connect more?
If not, it may be time to move on.
Thanks for calling.
This is Han Solo.
I'll be keeping you company for the next few hours on the midnight shift.
(♪ "It Might Be You" by Stephen Bishop) ♪ It's telling me it might be you Aren't you a little fat to be a stormtrooper?
Stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch!
Wait.
Who are you?
I'm Luke Skywalker.
Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
Wait.
Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Yeah.
Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?
Come on, into the garbage chute.
Come on, Chewbacca.
It's probably full of disease.
I'm notjumping in there.
Not even if I throw this pig's ear?
That's not fair.
Go get it.
(excited barking) Great idea, Princess - diving into a pile of garbage.
When we get out of here maybe you can show me around your home planet of Alderaan.
Aw!
Too soon?
Hey, could be worse.
(deep growl) It's worse.
The walls are closing!
(yelling) (yelling continues) Listen to them, R2.
They're dying.
What do we do?
Only one thing to do, man.
You still got that bag I gave you?
(yelling) Man, I wish I could listen to some Tatooine Wind and Fire right now.
Mm.
So you think the Empire's gonna fall, man?
I-I-I...
I don't know, man.
How you...
how you...
how you doing right now?
Good.
Why?
I think...
I think...
I think I may be having sort of a mini freakout here.
Oh!
Just...
just tell me I don't have to stay in this room.
What?
Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room.
You don't have to stay in this room.
Oh, thank Christ!
(cheering) Thank God!
We're saved!
Look at this!
Who throws out half a pizza?
And look at this couch!
Somebody threw out a whole couch, and it's in great shape.
You put Febreze on that, scrub it out a bit, it'll look great in your apartment.
You know what?
I know we have a dangerous job to do here, but I'm taking this.
I'm taking this couch.
(Han) You ready?
All right, one, two, three.
OK, all right.
Easy, easy, easy!
OK.
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
What?
What?
No, no, twist it.
I am.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Other way.
Which way?
What do you want me to do?!
Just look down.
Look at what I'm doing.
See the way I'm twisting it?
Turn it that way from your end.
OK.
No, no, no, no, no.
What?
Just put it down.
Put it down.
Just drop it All right.
All right, let's...
just hang on and figure this out.
There are stormtroopers all over the place.
Shouldn't we be getting outta here?
All right, OK.
OK, I got it.
I know what we...
We're gonna take the cushions off, unscrew the legs, take the mattress out, and this whole thing's gonna be a lot simpler.
It's easier than we're making it.
Hey, did you hear something?
Probably just another drill.
You know that last drill we had?
I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, then we heard that there was this drill and she told me there was no way.
(Darth Vader) So, Obi-Wan, we meet again.
What part of "Stay 50 yards away at all times" don't you understand?
Uh-oh!
Your powers are weak, old man.
(Luke) Obi-Wan!
Boy, you got here just in time.
No!
All right, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Counterclockwise.
You're twisting it the other way.
Counterclockwise from where I'm standing, so...
so then...
so clockwise.
So, yeah, you twist it clockwise.
OK, go.
Put it down for a sec.
My fingers are killing me.
Han, they're shooting at us!
Lift it up tallways.
Oh, for Christ's...
It's wedged!
It's not going anywhere.
Let's just take off.
We'll deal with it later.
You get in the cockpit, and I'll just hang onto this thing as we go.
Easy!
I can't believe he's gone.
I know, Luke, but it's true - he's gone.
I mean, you saw him get beheaded.
Nobody lives through that.
Not for long, anyway.
I mean, sometimes the brain is still active for a few minutes after the beheading, but to be honest, I can't imagine a worse kind of hell.
And unfortunately, hell is probably where he'll end up, because the Christians don't look too kindly on the whole Force thing.
Come on, kid.
We're not out of the woods yet.
Here they come.
(sings along with dramatic theme) Hey, Han.
What?
Why do they call 'em TIE fighters?
No idea.
(yelling in Thai) They're coming too fast!
A nickel for every time I've had that problem.
Just keep shooting, Luke.
Yeah!
That's how we do it in my neighbourhood, bitch!
I got him.
I got him!
Don't get penisy.
I just want to tell you both: Good luck, we're all counting on you.
(relieved sigh) Mom?
Yeah, we won.
Yeah, we won the battle.
Yeah, I'm calling like you asked.
OK.
OK.
OK, but...
OK, but I gotta go.
I got other stuff to do.
OK.
OK.
OK, but I gotta go.
OK.
OK, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, Mom.
I love you too, Mom.
Goodbye.
(relieved sigh) The homing beacon is safely on board the Millennium Falcon.
I'm taking an awful risk, Vader.
It had better work.
I think they took your old couch.
What?!
I threw that away.
I'd killed Obi-Wan, then I look over and there are two dudes scurrying across with a couch.
It had the stain on it from when we had Hawaiian punch night.
Yeah, that's my couch.
Rebel scum!
(imitates gunfire) Gotcha!
Thanks to the information in this R2 unit provided by Princess Leia, we should be able to mount a successful offensive on the Death Star.
But first, please take a moment to watch this instructional video.
Nothing but net.
Hi, I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on blowing up the Death Star.
First off, never forget your objective.
There are gonna be so many folks coming at you to slow you down, you might feel like you got a bull's-eye on your head.
No, but they will be trying to kill you.
Also, don't forget you have teammates out there watching your back - unless you been messing around with their wife or girlfriend!
No, but they will be there to help you.
Lastly, you wanna make sure you step back and take cover after you sink that bucket, cos that sky gonna light up like the Fourth of July.
No, but there will be a large explosion.
Any questions?
(man) Yeah, I got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
(chuckling) You'll get that answer to that question next Saturday!
Don't mess with the bull, you'll get the horns!
Biggs?
Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
Hey, Luke.
I was under a Y-wing, working on the space engine, and the whole thing just dropped on me.
Holy crap!
Yeah, holy crap.
So, you here for the Death Star assault?
Yeah.
Yeah, I can't wait.
How about you?
Well, no, I can't really...
Oh, yeah, because of the...
The chair.
...chair, yeah.
So I'll just be here making sandwiches for when you guys get back.
Oh!
Well...
well, that's cool.
Yeah.
You want anything special?
What?
You mean, like, a sandwich?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I mean, I couldn't.
Whatever you make will be fine.
Hey, Biggs.
Yeah?
You're just as big a part of this as...
I mean, you're doing stuff and...
and I think that's great.
Well, kid, I guess this is goodbye.
So you got your reward and you're leaving, is that it?
When you say it that way, I sound like a douche, but yeah.
What did you get for a reward, anyway?
Let's see, I got 10% off a Netflix membership, um...
some nice Cracker Barrel Cheddar, assorted lotions, and a little plastic champagne bottle full ofjellybeans, and a little bear.
See?
Little bear?
(silly voice) Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star.
Well, take care of yourself, Han.
I guess that's what you're best at.
Oh, look, a lightsaber cheese knife.
Mm...
Yuck!
All wings, check in.
Red Three standing by.
Red Six standing by.
Red Five standing by.
Red Buttons standing by.
Redd Foxx standing by.
Big Red standing by.
(Connery) Red October standing by.
Helen Reddy standing by.
Simply Red standing by.
I'm going in.
Cover me, Porkins.
Uh, having a little trouble here.
Careful, Redd Foxx - there's one right on your tail!
Argh!
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
(Obi-Wan Kenobi) Use the Force, Luke.
Obi-Wan?
Yeah, it's me.
Use the Force.
Force that thing in there, just like I showed you with those puppets.
But don't tell nobody, cos you'll get in trouble.
I don't like the look of this neighbourhood.
It's important for the kids to witness the plight of the rebellion.
Kids, you noticing all this plight?
Roll 'em up!
The Force is strong with this one.
Argh!
Fuck you, you son of a bitch!
What am I, R-Tupac?
(man) The Death Star is getting closer.
And Leia's getting larger!
I have you now, young Skywalker.
And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon!
What the deuce?!
Yahoo!
Look at how much more comfortable we are now, shooting stuff.
Phew!
(Obi-Wan Kenobi) Luke, the Force will be with you always.
And so will l- always.
Of course, when you get older and get some crow's-feet, I might lose interest.
(cheering) You did it!
Yay!
Hooray!
I have your sandwich.
Yay!
My what?
Oh.
Yay!
Thank you, Biggs.
Yay!
I'm part of things, too.
Yay!
(cheering) The end.
(cheering) Well, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained.
That was a great story.
Yeah.
But didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence.
I think a decent number of people watch it.
Oh, really?
Define "decent".
It's the highest-rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Well, yeah, but double ten people is 20 people.
What kind of numbers are we talking about here?
Don't be glib about this stuff.
It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
I don't know about that, Chris.
To me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC.
One of the real networks.
I don't know about that, Dad.
Besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time?
What is that?
15 minutes of guys playing with Star Wars dolls? "
Oh, yay..."
Oh, so you do know the show!
I read part of a review online.
I am not a fan.
You know, Dad, you're a real jerk!
(sings theme from "Star Wars") ENGLISH SDH