Show: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - 1x12
Previously on Studio 60 Son of a holy bitch!
The FCC's going to fine us.
I no longer recognize the authority of the FCC in this matter.
I'm going to have to be ordered by a federal judge.
Can you get me Harriet?
She's out at lunch with Luke Scott.
Wait,what?How was Luke?
Good!
Lucas...
l Good.
unch with Luke.
What is your problem?
It's Luke.
You think he cast me so he can sleep with me?
No,I think he cast you so he could marry you and sleep with other people.
I believe I'm falling in love with you.
If you want to run,I understand.
But you'd better get a good head start, 'cause I'm coming for you,Jordan.
MONDAY CALL FROM DENNY TRIPP Hello.
Hi,it's Danny.
Hi.
You didn't come to the wrap party.
Well,I was kind of tired.
I needed to pack.
You going away?
To my parents' house back East and then St.
Lucia.
Okay.
It was a good show tonight.
Okay,well,have a good trip and a nice Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Yeah,you,too.
Thanks.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Danny Tripp.
Hi.
I just want to make sure you had something to do Christmas Eve,' cause if you like organ music and prayer there's a pretty good Midnight Mass in Pacific Palisades.
Shh.
Sorry,sorry.
I'm at my parents.
Oh,you're not back yet?
No,no,I'm with my family.
You'll be back next week?
I'll be in the Virgin Islands.
Well,maybe when you get back,we can see a movie.
Sorry.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Danny Tripp.
Did you change your phone number?
Yeah,'cause I figured you were caller ID-ing me by now.
Yeah.
I got a new phone,too.
I could edit a feature-length film with this phone.
Are you at the theater?
No,I'm getting ready for a party.
Sounds like you're at the theater.
I'm on vacation,Jordan.
I can recognize the room tone.
I'm eating it!
And I just heard Matt shout "I'm eating it. "
Yeah,Matt's here so I'm here.
Matt's there, because with Harriet gone for two weeks, it's like somebody's moved his food dish.
You're not supposed to be as confused as Matt.
So I was thinking when you got back, I could take you to The Palm and buy you a steak with your choice of soup or salad.
I don't think that's a good idea,Danny.
I don't like you at the theater alone during the holidays.
CALL FROM DENNY TRIPP ********* ...three two,one...
Hello?
Hello?
I don't know if you can hear me or not 'cause the connection's going in and out.
I'm calling because you've had the new year for three hours already.
I wanted to see if there's something I should be looking for.
Jordan?
You there?
Welcome back,everyone,and happy New Year.
Your vacation is over.
Cast ast senior staff to the stage please.
At least I'm back on television.
=The Last Fantasy= Proudly Presents| Sync:��ɽͯ�� -=www.eastgame.net=- Hallie.
Good morning.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Please.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Welcome to NBS.
Thanks.
Did you find your office okay?
Sure.
If you find mine,let me know.
I moved into the first empty one I saw.
Jordan,can we be up-front with each other?
Absolutely.
I know I wasn't your first choice for the job.
It wasn't that you weren't my first choice, it was that I didn't want to create the ]ob at all.
Head of Alternative Programming.
Yeah.
You're not a big fan of unscripted TV.
No.
Well,I hope I can change that.
Dare to dream.
Have you asked yourself why?
I don't like reality TV?
Yeah.
Really?
No.
Yeah.
I think you've only been exposed to the bad ones.
I guess so.
The Ed Sullivan Show was reality TV.
Get me Elvis and the Beatles and I'll watch.
Touch.
Gesundheit.
Hey,Kevin,this is Hallie Galloway.
My assistant,Kevin Yu.
Hello.
I'm taking breakfast orders.
I've taken to dining in my office as my eating habits evoke giggles from my subordinates.
What would you like,we've got a great dining room.
Just coffee.
Swiss cheese and mushroom omelet, very crispy bacon,fried potatoes and tomato juice.
Okay.
And pancakes.
Sure.
What's it like to be pregnant?
I don't know how to succinctly answer that question.
You don't like me,do you.
I met you a minute and ten seconds ago,I haven't formed an opinion.
Am I your punishment for passing on Search and Destroy?
What makes you think I passed?
Did I hear wrong?
Every other network has a V.P.
of illiterate programming...
Alternative programming.
Yes,and Jack wanted one,too.
What'd I say?
Illiterate programming.
That's like a Tourette's thing.
That was weird.
Yeah.
Jack's fighting a big battle right now, and I didn't want to give him another.
Excuse me.
Food,great.
He got your order wrong.
No,this is what I eat while I'm waiting for the food.
You guys heard of a book called The 48 Laws of Power?
No.
No.
Yeah.
What is it?
I don't know,I'm reading about it.
It sounds like it's a pocket guide to being the leader of a crime organization. "
Law Number Two: Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends, "Learn How to Use Your Enemies. "
Law Number Three: Conceal Your Intentions. "
Law #4: Always Say Less Than Necessary. "
You're thinking you could...
I could never do that.
It's big in the hip-hop community.
Do they know it's written by a guy whose only achievement is writing a book?
You guys pitching yet?
No,we're still going through two weeks of back newspapers.
I started riffing on this thing with some guys over Christmas.
It's not a big deal, it's just a new Fruit of the Loom guy who's a rare African fruit who's black and militant and can't believe he's a fruit for underwear.
You can tell Matt you want to work on it with me.
Okay.
You have a good holiday?
Yeah.
All right.
******** There's a sketch in here somewhere.
A running character who takes this literally. "
Law 41: Avoid Stepping "Into a Great Man's Shoes.
Law 37: Create Compelling Spectacles. "
What else are we thinking so far?
Simon just told me about a character he was working on.
A militant new Fruit of the Loom.
You want to work with him?
Do you like it?
I like it if Simon likes it.
All right,spend a little time with Simon and see what he's talking about.
Yeah?
Can you sign these? "
Law 21: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker- Seem Dumber Than Your Mark. "
There are 48 sketches in here. "
Law 26: "Keep Your Hands Clean. "
What is this for?
A charity auction.
I know but what for?
Women United Through Faith.
Get these away from me.
Everybody else signed it.
'Cause those guys don't ask what it's for.
Just sign the damn thing!
You were the one who told me to make up with Women United Through Faith.
Yeah,I'm not making up with them,though, and I'm not raising money for them.
They're raising money for teen abstinence awareness.
Very dangerous stuff.
I'm completely behind teen abstinence.
I'm just saying,as a former teen,it's not gonna happen.
Fine.
Ever.
These scripts will just have to sell for exactly the same price without your name on them.
Yes,they will.
Teen abstinence.
She's also auctioning herself on their Web site.
I have my own involuntary abstinence program in place.
What's she auctioning?
She's getting an award Thursday night from Catholics in Media.
She's not Catholic.
They like her anyway.
Swell. "
Law 34... "
is "Be Royal in Your Fashion. "
So she's auctioning off a chance to go to an awards dinner?
As her date.
Okay... "
Law 42: Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep Will Scatter.
Law 10: Avoid the Unhappy and the Unlucky. "
Has anyone bid?
It opened at $500.
Who bid $500?
It doesn't give their name,just their user name.
This guy is LUKES5858.
Are you kidding?
No.
Let me see that.
It's not Lukes,it's Luke S.
Luke Scott and 58 was his first movie an indie movie.
Luke S 5858.
Bid $501.
Really?
Yes.
501?
I'm not giving these people any more money than...
$501.
Any choice of user name?
Make something up.
Where are we? "
BossSexy".
Not BossSexy.
Ah,too late.
All right,where are we?
Excuse me.
Hang on.
No,excuse me,please.
Jack was speaking.
My good friend Jack Rudolph is not a member of the board of directors of this company,I am.
And I'm sure your parents are very proud,Ted, but Jack's speaking at my request.
There are rules.
It's a federal agency.
You're not allowed to say what the kid said on TV.
There've been two weeks of press that makes the FCC look as bad as we look, and it's his job to make a deal with them.
Either a greatly reduced fine, or please,someone tell me how the world comes to an end if we do what they want and time-delay the news five seconds.
The only reason...
Excuse me.
No,I don't think I will.
Because the only reason to time-delay the news is so that you have the option of censoring the news.
A federal agency,in wartime,censoring a live news story because of the language a soldier used when a rocket-propelled grenade exploded over his head.
This discussion is for an ethics class at a women's college.
The FCC has assessed your network,which we own, a fine of $325,000 per affiliate for a total of $73 million.
What are you going to do about it?
Not pay it.
And when they say "Give us our money," you're going to say...
No.
And what about Macau?
Macau?
Yes.
Well,I won't lie to you,Ted, Macau's a problem.
Yes,it is a big problem.
Sarah Bernhardt over here starts fronting off with the FCC and they don't approve the merger.
It's not like you need an endowed chair in economics to guess in which direction the stock price is gonna go.
I'm not a Bedouin.
I like making money and I've made a lot of it for you.
You can't,you simply can't,in this country, mess around with news coverage of a war.
Ted,believe me,I wish this was a fight for ethics.
I wish this was a conversation about the integrity It's about preventing ourselves from being a laughingstock.
Well,I don't feel like a laughingstock.
That's only because you're a moron.
You're backing up what he said?
Yes.
Including,and especially,your being a moron.
Okay.
Well,then,neither of you will mind if we see how much support you have with the rest of the board.
I move to take a vote of confidence, a yea vote indicating a desire to hear more of Jack Rudolph's plan to defy federal regulators, and a nay vote indicating a desire to explore removing Wilson White as Chairman and CEO, and begin a negotiation with the FCC.
Seconded?
Second.
All right.
There's a motion and a second.
Wait.
Wilson...
No.
Let's see where we are here.
A yea vote indicates a likely trip to federal court.
A nay vote indicates I'm probably fired.
All those voting yea?
All those voting nay.
Yes.
Well,this would seem to me a good time for a break.
Sorry for calling Atkins a moron.
Yeah.
I appreciate your jumping in and calling him a moron,too.
I didn't want to leave you alone out there.
I'll try not to do it again.
Thanks.
The Arts and Leisure section.
Hmm?
Somebody left behind the Arts and Leisure section.
Yeah.
What are you thinking?
It's unusual to see the Arts and Leisure section in a boardroom.
I agree,though we should move on from that.
Sure.
All right,so what do we do now?
What do you mean?
I mean,what's the plan?
I don't have one.
You stood at Studio 60, and you said we were going to fight these guys, and we were going to win.
I'm an old man.
I don't know what I'm saying half the time.
Wilson...
I'm kidding.
Relax.
So what's the plan?
I don't have one.
At this moment.
All right.
I can't believe I saw 13 hands go up.
It was about Macau.
I think I'm hoist by my own petard.
I made too good a deal.
Everybody stands to make too much money from Macau to see it go away.
There has to be a Greek word for this 'cause?
Zhiang can rescue us.
Zhiang Tao can rescue us.
How?
By not making the Macau deal with us.
He tells the board he'll go to Time Warner instead if they pay the FCC fine.
Why would he do that?
We'd have to be convincing.
You want to fly to China?
He's not in China.
He's in L.A.
How do you know?
The Juilliard Symphony is playing tonight at UCLA.
How do you know?
I'm looking at an article about it in the Arts and Leisure section.
You can adjourn a meeting whenever you want,right?
Yes.
Do it now.
Reconvene Friday in Los Angeles.
I have to fly back there right now.
What do you say,buddy?
Simon.
Yeah?
It's Lucy.
Hi.
Hello.
How was your break?
Lovely.
Yours?
I was in Mexico.
I'm still hung over.
Tequila?
Not right now,thanks.
Okay,um,I was asked to work with you on an angry African Fruit of the Loom.
I have some ideas we can talk about.
What happened to Darius?
He gave it to me.
All right.
Then have a seat.
I don't want to.
Just show it to him.
It's just a voice.
Let him hear it.
I don't want to.
Just do it for him.
Matt's being an idiot today.
Guys,I can hear you pretty good.
Just let him hear the voice.
Listen to this.
What?
It's nothing.
Do it.
Dolphin Girl.
Oh,my God.
Yeah.
Now watch this.
Be my roommate. "
Bob,I really think you're going "to like this girl.
She's pretty, "she's smart.
Just one thing- "sometimes she gets a little nervous, and her laugh is unusual. "
"Unusual?"
"Leona,come in here. "
This is my roommate,Bob.
Bob,this is Leona. "
"Nice to meet you. "
"Nice to meet you,Bob. "
"Leona's a nice name. "
Put it up.
You see?
Hey,did you see Luke much over the holidays?
Luke Scott?
Luke S.?
Just for hair and makeup tests, and to do him a couple times in his hot tub.
Twice?
That's a pretty serious relationship for Luke.
Look who's talking.
And Luke has more romanticness in his whole body than you've got in your little finger.
You got it backwards,kitten.
And "romanticness" isn't a word.
Hmm.
I truly loathe you.
I know.
Tom?
Yeah?
You know you're still here,right?
Yeah.
I just wanted to get your blessing on something.
I was going to ask out Lucy.
What do you need my blessing for?
Wes wasn't wild about intramural dating the last couple of years.
Why?
There were some incidents.
Okay.
Not with me.
I'm sure.
I'm also sure that you'll keep in mind that she's a lovely young woman who's a guest in our country, and who also just got clonked by a guy who, for reasons passing understanding, she was in love with.
So you should proceed with character and maturity.
Sure.
Suzanne!
Yeah?
Where's the bid?
You bidding on something?
Just for spite.
I'll see you later.
All right.
She's got a lot of people bidding.
HARRIET Rules,Saved2000,PsalmSam...
LukeS5858.
Is he still bidding?
He's the last bid: $1,200.
$1,200 I've got to give to abstinence people?
Twelve hundred and one.
All right.
Do it.
And can you find me some nonprofit organization that fundamentally does the opposite of what these guys do so I can donate an equal amount to them and make it a wash?
That means an organization that encourages people to have sex.
It's L.A.
You should be able to throw a rock and hit one.
Excuse me.
Hey,are you having a problem with your phones?
No.
My phones only work when they're on speaker.
You look hassled.
Should I come back?
No.
It's okay.
We have to scrap Dracula for May.
Scrap it?
Yeah.It's over.
What happened?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Kevin!
What do you need?
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
I brought you some folic acid supplements.
You want to take 400 micrograms a day.
You're kidding.
No.
Well,thanks.
This is great.
I'm a huge admirer of yours,Jordan.
Well...
It's how you keep everybody in suspended terror.
You cultivate an air of unpredictability.
I really don't keep people in suspended terror.
I'd like to,but...
You do.
I don't cultivate an air of unpredictability either, but I like the way that sounds.
You want to hear a reality pitch?
Uh...
Why not? "
All You Need is Love. "
I've got goose bumps.
You gave me the idea when you mentioned the Beatles.
It's about healing.
We show people making apologies in their lives.
A defrocked priest meets with his victims.
A man who abandoned his family.
Twin sisters who split over a divorce.
These are just the first three I like, and America's going to like them,too.
You hate it.
I love it.
Really?
No.
I was being unpredictable to keep you in a state of suspended terror.
Jack.
How'd it go?
Uh...
a little rough.
All right,don't say too much.
You're on speakerphone.
Can you take me off?
I can't.
Why?
I don't know.
Listen,this is the last piece of news I wanted to bring to you this week.
Oh.
What?
Production in Romania had to shut down.
Dracula?
Dracula had to shut down?
Yeah.
For how long?
For good.
It's over.
What the hell happened?
The production company ran out of money, the crew took the cameras and equipment, the cast went home, and the producer moved his family onto the location- a 15th century castle- where,literally,he pulled up the drawbridge.
Sorry.
Hallie Galloway is here.
Hallie?
We just talked ten minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know.
She didn't know.
Just like I didn't know you talked ten minutes ago.
I was welcoming her to the company.
What are we going to do about May?
I don't know yet.
That's not the answer I wanted to hear.
Yeah.
That was our May sweeps.
I know.
How the hell did you let that get away from you?
It was a very competent production company.
They...
they...
they shut down production.
What would it have looked like if they would have been incompetent?
I've got the Board of Direct...
Oh!
What are we going to fill with?
This is an hour old.
I don't know.
Hallie,are you still there?
Would you like me to step out?
No.
What about your thing?
When he called,he asked if I had...
- Sure.
Hello?
Hallie?
Hello?
Hello?
I'm sorry?
What about the show Hallie was just telling me about?
It sounds like an event.
Well,I don't know very much about it yet,Jack.
Well,learn about it,would you?
The last three times Hallie said she had a good idea, it was a good idea.
It was innocent,Jordan.
Yeah?
He said- I told you- he said, "You working on any ideas?"
Hallie...
- He was just calling to welcome me,and asked...
Your answer should have been,"Yes. "
Yes,I'm working on some ideas, and I'm very excited to pitch them to Jordan. "
Well,you write me a script next time.
Excuse me?
I said,you write me a script next time.
I made it pretty clear how I felt about this show.
No.
You made it pretty clear how you felt about alternative programming.
Excuse me.
Illiterate programming.
Unfortunately,I am the Vice President for Alternative Programming, so what kind of pitches did you think you were going to get from me?
Pretty bad ones.
Well,you're in a fix 'cause Jack liked it.
Uh-oh.
There's another pretty girl at the dance, and this one's not pregnant.
Have a written proposal with cost breakdowns by the end of the day.
Great.
Would you like me...?
Why don't you get out of my office now?
She said that? "
There's another pretty girl at the dance and this one's not pregnant"?
Yeah.
It was one of those moments when you don't have time to react.
One minute she was telling me how much she admired me, The next minute she challenged me to a duel.
This chick is All About Eve.
Yes...
yes,she is.
If Eve Harrington was a network executive and Bette Davis ate all the time.
It was unprovoked?
Yes.
Yes,except...
What?
I may have implied- I mean,she took it the wrong way- I may have implied that I don't have any respect for her job.
How?
I called her the Vice-President for Illiterate Programming.
You think she may havetaken it the wrong way?
And when she asked me what kind of pitches I should expect from her, I said,"Pretty bad ones. "
Why would you do that?
Because I'm a bitch.
You're not a bitch.
Oh,I'm abee-yotch,baby.
And she gave me supplements, and the truth is, if we make her show into an event, it could really bail us out of the Dracula thing.
What happened with Dracula?
Oh,the remaining crew made off with the cameras and the equipment because the production company couldn't afford to pay them because the Bani was devalued.
What's a Bani?
One - one-hundredth of a Lieu.
It's Romanian currency.
It doesn't matter.
I have to apologize.
I'm her boss.
This is ridiculous.
Are you gonna finish your...
Yes.
Finally, a budget note: NBS would like us to use liter bottles of soda in the kitchen instead of individual cans.
This will provide an annual savings of...
I'm sorry.
That is too stupid to read out loud.
That's it.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Chuckles.
Thank you.
Yeah.
My nephew called this morning and against my advice he's applying to Northwestern.
Wise young man.
I wanted to get someone who is a distinguished alumnus to write him a letter of recommendation.
I don't know any,so I'm asking you.
Is he qualified?
He's carrying a 3.8 at Boston Latin.
He's a Merit Scholar.
Came in second for a Westinghouse scholarship and runs marathons.
What did you have?
I was president of the A/V Club.
And played sax in the marching band.
I think you need a letter of recommendation,man.
You'll do it?
Well,I'll have one of the interns do it for me,but sure.
Thanks.
Wait!
Whoa.
What?
I do need a letter of recommendation.
Many letters of recommendation!
I should inundate her with letters of recommendation!
What're you talking about?
Jordan.
I should have faxed letters of recommendation from everybody.
Spielberg,Clint Eastwood, Steve Jobs,Sumner Redstone, my doctor,my dentist,my accountant,my mother.
Your dentist?
Wilson White!
Your mother?
The governor.
The interns.
So she knows I'm good among the people.
You are very good among the people.
Could you send a couple of interns to my office?
Who the hell knows their names?
Anybody.
This is good.
I like it for its maturity.
You going to lecture me on maturity,leather-boot boy?
I gave the boot back.
Okay.
I'm 24-hour maturity.
Hey.
Where's the bid at?!
The last time I checked it was...
2,500?
2,501.
Did you find any organizations that...?
Loving More,a nonprofit organization to promote the national polyamorous movement?
There's our winner: 2,502.
And the apple says,"I'm,not a man,I'm an apple," and the mongongo fruit says,"The Man. "
The Man,as in,'The Man took away my Medicaid,' you stupid prat. "
What the hell is a prat?
A git.
A plonker.
Give me a minute,would you?
Yes.
The Husky Gymnast.
My whole routine is chalking up and trying to get on the bars.
Could be a running character.
Uh...
Husky Gymnast on balance beam.
Husky Gymnast on pommel horse.
Husky Gymnast does a routine with a stick and a ribbon.
What else you got?
Um...
trampoline.
You do trampoline?
A little bit.
I gave it to you,that Fruit of the Loom thing.
Yeah.
I told Matt and Andy.
Isn't Lucy working with you?
Yeah,she is, and Mary Poppins is a perfect fit for this sketch,but I gave it to you.
I just thought you wanted the idea in the room.
I didn't know you wanted specifically...
You did know I wanted specifically, and you blew it off to Lucy 'cause you don't want to be the black guy.
Simon.
You're trading up.
That's not true.
I'm not good enough to write for?
Come on.
Get your head out of your ass.
Yes,sir.
Damn thanks I get for saving you.
Excuse me?
I said,this is the damn thanks I get for saving you.
You saved me?
You were two hits in the head away from being nothing,okay?
Is that right?
That's right.
Well,Lordy,Master Simon, you sho' is good to us field niggahs,ain't cha?
You should walk away now.
Hi.
Hello,Tom.
Did you have a good break?
Yes,thank you.
Good.
Good.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for Simon to come back.
The men who work here have a very difficult time focusing on one subject at a moment.
They're easily distracted by shiny objects.
Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime?
Pardon?
I asked if you would like to go out on a date with me sometime.
Really?
Yeah.
Really.
Yeah.
Really.
Yeah.
I'd love to.
Thursday night?
Sure.
Then my work here is done.
Ni hao?
Ni hao?
Ni hao?!
Ni hao?
Eh?
Uh...
wo...
shi...
Jack Rudolph.
Nice to meet you You speak English.
Yes.
He asks if you enjoyed the concert.
Well,I wasn't here for the concert,sir.
I- I apologize for...
...interrupting your evening if you flew all the way from Macao to see your daughter.
Yes,of course.
You seem troubled,my new friend.
Shortly before the new year- our new year- My news division carried a live interview with a young soldier fighting our war in Afghanistan.
During the interview,something called a rocket-propelled grenade exploded very close to where the interview was taking place.
Am I speaking too fast?
Oh,no.
Um...
The soldier was frightened...
and shouted an obscenity, uh,which is,uh,uh,a word you're not allowed to use on broadcast television.
The FCC, wants to fine us.
Wilson White and I feel strongly very strongly, that this is wrong.
This soldier was in the field?
Yes.
Shi.
I was in the army.
I know,sir.
Wilson and I want to fight this, and we need the support of our board of directors.
Our board is concerned that,if we fight, the FCC will retaliate by not approving our deal in Macau, and so...
I'm asking you a favor now.
Man-to-man.
Man-to-man.
Yes.
Sir, I need you to dump us.
You're working that thing pretty good.
I'm sorry?
You're doing pretty good.
I do it with weights.
You could just wear a heavier shirt.
I did it again.
I'm sorry,Hallie.
I was awful before; it was inexcusable.
I don't know what got into me.
I'm the leader of a company and all you ever did to me was come work here.
What you said to me at the end,I provoked.
Sales loves your show.
So does marketing.
Let's take it to the next step.
All in,you had a good first day. "
If I say I'm going to do something, I'm honor bound to do it. "
It's your sense of honor that I'm counting on right now.
Hello,Kim.
Hello,Mr.
Rudolph.
Problem?
My father's angry 'cause I'm giving up the viola.
He says I'm not giving up the viola.
Would you tell him I just turned 20 years old and,in this country,that means I get to make my own decisions.
Uh...
Okay.
I told him this wasn't the time to talk about this.
Yes,improvisational comedy.
I'm leaving Julliard, I'm giving up the viola, and I'm going to study improvisational comedy.
Ah.
He says,"Can you talk some sense into her?"
You know,your father and I were just discussing... "
She wants to do comedy in America. "
Do you think it might be possible to meet with Tom Jeter, so he can give me some advice on how to get started?
That was me saying that.
...Tom Jeter. "
And she's always talking about Tom Jeter. "
Everything American. "
American clothes,American music, American television stars. "
"I'm losing my daughter. "
No,you're not.
You want to meet with Tom Jeter,Kim?
Have him tell you about life in comedy?
I would be indebted to you.
Sadly for you,I need your father to be indebted to me, but this is gonna work out fine for all of us.
How long are you and your family in town?
Until the end of the week.
You feel like going with Tom to a dinner honoring Harriet Hayes?
Are you kidding me?!
Translate,please.
I'm going to say good night now,sir.
I hope you'll think about my problem.
But while you do, I'm going to fix yours.
You'll have your daughter back.
Man-to-man.
Can you pack me up?
I'm going to work at home for a while.
Sure.
And Harriet's coming up.
When she gets here,keep her waiting a few minutes.
I don't like her thinking I'm so accessible.
Matt?
Yeah?
I came in one of the other six doors.
Fine.
A Columbia University study tracking the sex lives of 12,000 adolescents between 12 and 18 years old over a five-year period found unsafe sex much greater among those who had signed abstinence pledges.
'Cause while they were being taught to just say no, nobody taught 'em about sexually-transmitted diseases and how incredibly easily they can be prevented.
I'm sorry,I nodded off while you were talking.
Are you coming to see me get this thing Thursday night?
What thing?
I'm being honored at a dinner by Catholics in Media.
I didn't know about it.
You want to come?
It's Thursday night,I'm gonna have to work.
Okay.
I saw your first draft of "Dolphin Girl. "
It's gonna be great.
I'm really quite something.
Yeah.
Harry?
Yes?
Do me a favor,huh?
Next year,if you're gonna go to a New Year's Eve party with Luke, could you pick one where you guys aren't gonna run into,like,every person I know?
You grabbed me during a show- the Christmas show- and kissed me.
And then it was like it never happened.
Guess what,cubby?
Pick a gear and stay in it a while.
Anything else?
No.
Thursday night?
Yeah.
Wish I could be there.
So do the Catholics.
Suzanne!
Yeah!
How did...?
Never mind.
Where's the bid?
You're not gonna like it.
How much?
$4,000.
Are you...?
Is this dinner with Harriet and Ava Gardner?
Four thousand and one?
Yeah.
And $4,002 to the sex people.
Yes,and could you call my parents Sim.
Yeah.
Want to get a beer?
No,I'm downstairs working on "Fruit of the Loom. "
Hey,are you and Darius having a problem?
Not as soon as I'm done with him we're not.
I don't know what that means.
You don't have to.
Okay.
I'm out of here!
Um,I was wondering if it'd be possible to have some time off Thursday night.
Tom's asked me on a date and I just wanted a moment to shower and change into nice clothes.
And then the date.
I can come back here right after.
He appears to be a gentleman.
He is.
And very cute.
I really can't speak to that.
Can I have time Thursday night?
Yes.
Matt.
Hi,Luce.
Hi.
I was just coming to ask Matt for Thursday night.
Oh.
Well,I was here to go over...
to correct my spelling,my grammar,to go over a sketch.
I was...
asking for the night,too.
Thank you.
I guess you asked her out.
Yeah.
Well,good.
Never seen her smile before- that was nice.
Thursday night?
Yeah.
Excuse me- Tom?
Jack Rudolph's office just called.
He's in a car on his way here and says you're not to leave the building until he's talked to you.
To him?
Yeah.
To me?
Yeah.
Why would Jack Rudolph need to talk to him?
I don't know; let me go see if I got this wrong.
Can I go?
All set.
And the book?
Right here.
Good night.
What do you say,boss?
Hello.
Did you get my fax recommendation for Danny?
Yes,I did,Matt.
Along with 38 others including Martin Scorcese,Lauren Bacall and Lord Dickenson,the Third Earl of Kent.
But did you think mine was the best?
Is he in his office?
Yeah.
Have you heard of this book The 48 Laws of Power?
.
No It's a guide to accumulating power for people who've never heard of Machiavelli.
I need to speak to Danny. "
Law 14: Pose as a friend,work as a spy. "
"Law 42: Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter. "
"Law 17: "Keep others in suspended terror.
Cultivate an air of unpredictability. "
What?
Huh?
What did you just say?
The last one. "
Law 17: Keep others in suspended terror.
Cultivate an air of unpredictability. "
It's the bible of gangster wannabes and psychopaths.
You all right?
Yeah.
Do me a favor.
Read my recommendation again 'cause every word is true.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi,Danny.
What are you doing here?
I...
I...
came to see you.
You're probably wondering how I know the Third Earl of Kent.
It's a funny story.
You have to stop.
This was embarrasing to me,Danny.
Everyone you did this with now knows that...
This was unprofessional.
You made me look silly at the worst possible time.
Jordan...
The worst possible time.
Between us we have three marriages,a DUl, a cocaine addiction and a baby by another man.
And I'm your boss.
You asked me out once,I said no.
You asked me again,I said no.
You asked me out again,I said no.
I'm sorry,I didn't mean to embarrass you.
Will you please stop?
No.
-=TLF SUB TEAM=-~http://tlfsub.eastgame.net||
The FCC's going to fine us.
I no longer recognize the authority of the FCC in this matter.
I'm going to have to be ordered by a federal judge.
Can you get me Harriet?
She's out at lunch with Luke Scott.
Wait,what?How was Luke?
Good!
Lucas...
l Good.
unch with Luke.
What is your problem?
It's Luke.
You think he cast me so he can sleep with me?
No,I think he cast you so he could marry you and sleep with other people.
I believe I'm falling in love with you.
If you want to run,I understand.
But you'd better get a good head start, 'cause I'm coming for you,Jordan.
MONDAY CALL FROM DENNY TRIPP Hello.
Hi,it's Danny.
Hi.
You didn't come to the wrap party.
Well,I was kind of tired.
I needed to pack.
You going away?
To my parents' house back East and then St.
Lucia.
Okay.
It was a good show tonight.
Okay,well,have a good trip and a nice Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Yeah,you,too.
Thanks.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Danny Tripp.
Hi.
I just want to make sure you had something to do Christmas Eve,' cause if you like organ music and prayer there's a pretty good Midnight Mass in Pacific Palisades.
Shh.
Sorry,sorry.
I'm at my parents.
Oh,you're not back yet?
No,no,I'm with my family.
You'll be back next week?
I'll be in the Virgin Islands.
Well,maybe when you get back,we can see a movie.
Sorry.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Danny Tripp.
Did you change your phone number?
Yeah,'cause I figured you were caller ID-ing me by now.
Yeah.
I got a new phone,too.
I could edit a feature-length film with this phone.
Are you at the theater?
No,I'm getting ready for a party.
Sounds like you're at the theater.
I'm on vacation,Jordan.
I can recognize the room tone.
I'm eating it!
And I just heard Matt shout "I'm eating it. "
Yeah,Matt's here so I'm here.
Matt's there, because with Harriet gone for two weeks, it's like somebody's moved his food dish.
You're not supposed to be as confused as Matt.
So I was thinking when you got back, I could take you to The Palm and buy you a steak with your choice of soup or salad.
I don't think that's a good idea,Danny.
I don't like you at the theater alone during the holidays.
CALL FROM DENNY TRIPP ********* ...three two,one...
Hello?
Hello?
I don't know if you can hear me or not 'cause the connection's going in and out.
I'm calling because you've had the new year for three hours already.
I wanted to see if there's something I should be looking for.
Jordan?
You there?
Welcome back,everyone,and happy New Year.
Your vacation is over.
Cast ast senior staff to the stage please.
At least I'm back on television.
=The Last Fantasy= Proudly Presents| Sync:��ɽͯ�� -=www.eastgame.net=- Hallie.
Good morning.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Please.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Welcome to NBS.
Thanks.
Did you find your office okay?
Sure.
If you find mine,let me know.
I moved into the first empty one I saw.
Jordan,can we be up-front with each other?
Absolutely.
I know I wasn't your first choice for the job.
It wasn't that you weren't my first choice, it was that I didn't want to create the ]ob at all.
Head of Alternative Programming.
Yeah.
You're not a big fan of unscripted TV.
No.
Well,I hope I can change that.
Dare to dream.
Have you asked yourself why?
I don't like reality TV?
Yeah.
Really?
No.
Yeah.
I think you've only been exposed to the bad ones.
I guess so.
The Ed Sullivan Show was reality TV.
Get me Elvis and the Beatles and I'll watch.
Touch.
Gesundheit.
Hey,Kevin,this is Hallie Galloway.
My assistant,Kevin Yu.
Hello.
I'm taking breakfast orders.
I've taken to dining in my office as my eating habits evoke giggles from my subordinates.
What would you like,we've got a great dining room.
Just coffee.
Swiss cheese and mushroom omelet, very crispy bacon,fried potatoes and tomato juice.
Okay.
And pancakes.
Sure.
What's it like to be pregnant?
I don't know how to succinctly answer that question.
You don't like me,do you.
I met you a minute and ten seconds ago,I haven't formed an opinion.
Am I your punishment for passing on Search and Destroy?
What makes you think I passed?
Did I hear wrong?
Every other network has a V.P.
of illiterate programming...
Alternative programming.
Yes,and Jack wanted one,too.
What'd I say?
Illiterate programming.
That's like a Tourette's thing.
That was weird.
Yeah.
Jack's fighting a big battle right now, and I didn't want to give him another.
Excuse me.
Food,great.
He got your order wrong.
No,this is what I eat while I'm waiting for the food.
You guys heard of a book called The 48 Laws of Power?
No.
No.
Yeah.
What is it?
I don't know,I'm reading about it.
It sounds like it's a pocket guide to being the leader of a crime organization. "
Law Number Two: Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends, "Learn How to Use Your Enemies. "
Law Number Three: Conceal Your Intentions. "
Law #4: Always Say Less Than Necessary. "
You're thinking you could...
I could never do that.
It's big in the hip-hop community.
Do they know it's written by a guy whose only achievement is writing a book?
You guys pitching yet?
No,we're still going through two weeks of back newspapers.
I started riffing on this thing with some guys over Christmas.
It's not a big deal, it's just a new Fruit of the Loom guy who's a rare African fruit who's black and militant and can't believe he's a fruit for underwear.
You can tell Matt you want to work on it with me.
Okay.
You have a good holiday?
Yeah.
All right.
******** There's a sketch in here somewhere.
A running character who takes this literally. "
Law 41: Avoid Stepping "Into a Great Man's Shoes.
Law 37: Create Compelling Spectacles. "
What else are we thinking so far?
Simon just told me about a character he was working on.
A militant new Fruit of the Loom.
You want to work with him?
Do you like it?
I like it if Simon likes it.
All right,spend a little time with Simon and see what he's talking about.
Yeah?
Can you sign these? "
Law 21: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker- Seem Dumber Than Your Mark. "
There are 48 sketches in here. "
Law 26: "Keep Your Hands Clean. "
What is this for?
A charity auction.
I know but what for?
Women United Through Faith.
Get these away from me.
Everybody else signed it.
'Cause those guys don't ask what it's for.
Just sign the damn thing!
You were the one who told me to make up with Women United Through Faith.
Yeah,I'm not making up with them,though, and I'm not raising money for them.
They're raising money for teen abstinence awareness.
Very dangerous stuff.
I'm completely behind teen abstinence.
I'm just saying,as a former teen,it's not gonna happen.
Fine.
Ever.
These scripts will just have to sell for exactly the same price without your name on them.
Yes,they will.
Teen abstinence.
She's also auctioning herself on their Web site.
I have my own involuntary abstinence program in place.
What's she auctioning?
She's getting an award Thursday night from Catholics in Media.
She's not Catholic.
They like her anyway.
Swell. "
Law 34... "
is "Be Royal in Your Fashion. "
So she's auctioning off a chance to go to an awards dinner?
As her date.
Okay... "
Law 42: Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep Will Scatter.
Law 10: Avoid the Unhappy and the Unlucky. "
Has anyone bid?
It opened at $500.
Who bid $500?
It doesn't give their name,just their user name.
This guy is LUKES5858.
Are you kidding?
No.
Let me see that.
It's not Lukes,it's Luke S.
Luke Scott and 58 was his first movie an indie movie.
Luke S 5858.
Bid $501.
Really?
Yes.
501?
I'm not giving these people any more money than...
$501.
Any choice of user name?
Make something up.
Where are we? "
BossSexy".
Not BossSexy.
Ah,too late.
All right,where are we?
Excuse me.
Hang on.
No,excuse me,please.
Jack was speaking.
My good friend Jack Rudolph is not a member of the board of directors of this company,I am.
And I'm sure your parents are very proud,Ted, but Jack's speaking at my request.
There are rules.
It's a federal agency.
You're not allowed to say what the kid said on TV.
There've been two weeks of press that makes the FCC look as bad as we look, and it's his job to make a deal with them.
Either a greatly reduced fine, or please,someone tell me how the world comes to an end if we do what they want and time-delay the news five seconds.
The only reason...
Excuse me.
No,I don't think I will.
Because the only reason to time-delay the news is so that you have the option of censoring the news.
A federal agency,in wartime,censoring a live news story because of the language a soldier used when a rocket-propelled grenade exploded over his head.
This discussion is for an ethics class at a women's college.
The FCC has assessed your network,which we own, a fine of $325,000 per affiliate for a total of $73 million.
What are you going to do about it?
Not pay it.
And when they say "Give us our money," you're going to say...
No.
And what about Macau?
Macau?
Yes.
Well,I won't lie to you,Ted, Macau's a problem.
Yes,it is a big problem.
Sarah Bernhardt over here starts fronting off with the FCC and they don't approve the merger.
It's not like you need an endowed chair in economics to guess in which direction the stock price is gonna go.
I'm not a Bedouin.
I like making money and I've made a lot of it for you.
You can't,you simply can't,in this country, mess around with news coverage of a war.
Ted,believe me,I wish this was a fight for ethics.
I wish this was a conversation about the integrity It's about preventing ourselves from being a laughingstock.
Well,I don't feel like a laughingstock.
That's only because you're a moron.
You're backing up what he said?
Yes.
Including,and especially,your being a moron.
Okay.
Well,then,neither of you will mind if we see how much support you have with the rest of the board.
I move to take a vote of confidence, a yea vote indicating a desire to hear more of Jack Rudolph's plan to defy federal regulators, and a nay vote indicating a desire to explore removing Wilson White as Chairman and CEO, and begin a negotiation with the FCC.
Seconded?
Second.
All right.
There's a motion and a second.
Wait.
Wilson...
No.
Let's see where we are here.
A yea vote indicates a likely trip to federal court.
A nay vote indicates I'm probably fired.
All those voting yea?
All those voting nay.
Yes.
Well,this would seem to me a good time for a break.
Sorry for calling Atkins a moron.
Yeah.
I appreciate your jumping in and calling him a moron,too.
I didn't want to leave you alone out there.
I'll try not to do it again.
Thanks.
The Arts and Leisure section.
Hmm?
Somebody left behind the Arts and Leisure section.
Yeah.
What are you thinking?
It's unusual to see the Arts and Leisure section in a boardroom.
I agree,though we should move on from that.
Sure.
All right,so what do we do now?
What do you mean?
I mean,what's the plan?
I don't have one.
You stood at Studio 60, and you said we were going to fight these guys, and we were going to win.
I'm an old man.
I don't know what I'm saying half the time.
Wilson...
I'm kidding.
Relax.
So what's the plan?
I don't have one.
At this moment.
All right.
I can't believe I saw 13 hands go up.
It was about Macau.
I think I'm hoist by my own petard.
I made too good a deal.
Everybody stands to make too much money from Macau to see it go away.
There has to be a Greek word for this 'cause?
Zhiang can rescue us.
Zhiang Tao can rescue us.
How?
By not making the Macau deal with us.
He tells the board he'll go to Time Warner instead if they pay the FCC fine.
Why would he do that?
We'd have to be convincing.
You want to fly to China?
He's not in China.
He's in L.A.
How do you know?
The Juilliard Symphony is playing tonight at UCLA.
How do you know?
I'm looking at an article about it in the Arts and Leisure section.
You can adjourn a meeting whenever you want,right?
Yes.
Do it now.
Reconvene Friday in Los Angeles.
I have to fly back there right now.
What do you say,buddy?
Simon.
Yeah?
It's Lucy.
Hi.
Hello.
How was your break?
Lovely.
Yours?
I was in Mexico.
I'm still hung over.
Tequila?
Not right now,thanks.
Okay,um,I was asked to work with you on an angry African Fruit of the Loom.
I have some ideas we can talk about.
What happened to Darius?
He gave it to me.
All right.
Then have a seat.
I don't want to.
Just show it to him.
It's just a voice.
Let him hear it.
I don't want to.
Just do it for him.
Matt's being an idiot today.
Guys,I can hear you pretty good.
Just let him hear the voice.
Listen to this.
What?
It's nothing.
Do it.
Dolphin Girl.
Oh,my God.
Yeah.
Now watch this.
Be my roommate. "
Bob,I really think you're going "to like this girl.
She's pretty, "she's smart.
Just one thing- "sometimes she gets a little nervous, and her laugh is unusual. "
"Unusual?"
"Leona,come in here. "
This is my roommate,Bob.
Bob,this is Leona. "
"Nice to meet you. "
"Nice to meet you,Bob. "
"Leona's a nice name. "
Put it up.
You see?
Hey,did you see Luke much over the holidays?
Luke Scott?
Luke S.?
Just for hair and makeup tests, and to do him a couple times in his hot tub.
Twice?
That's a pretty serious relationship for Luke.
Look who's talking.
And Luke has more romanticness in his whole body than you've got in your little finger.
You got it backwards,kitten.
And "romanticness" isn't a word.
Hmm.
I truly loathe you.
I know.
Tom?
Yeah?
You know you're still here,right?
Yeah.
I just wanted to get your blessing on something.
I was going to ask out Lucy.
What do you need my blessing for?
Wes wasn't wild about intramural dating the last couple of years.
Why?
There were some incidents.
Okay.
Not with me.
I'm sure.
I'm also sure that you'll keep in mind that she's a lovely young woman who's a guest in our country, and who also just got clonked by a guy who, for reasons passing understanding, she was in love with.
So you should proceed with character and maturity.
Sure.
Suzanne!
Yeah?
Where's the bid?
You bidding on something?
Just for spite.
I'll see you later.
All right.
She's got a lot of people bidding.
HARRIET Rules,Saved2000,PsalmSam...
LukeS5858.
Is he still bidding?
He's the last bid: $1,200.
$1,200 I've got to give to abstinence people?
Twelve hundred and one.
All right.
Do it.
And can you find me some nonprofit organization that fundamentally does the opposite of what these guys do so I can donate an equal amount to them and make it a wash?
That means an organization that encourages people to have sex.
It's L.A.
You should be able to throw a rock and hit one.
Excuse me.
Hey,are you having a problem with your phones?
No.
My phones only work when they're on speaker.
You look hassled.
Should I come back?
No.
It's okay.
We have to scrap Dracula for May.
Scrap it?
Yeah.It's over.
What happened?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Kevin!
What do you need?
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
I brought you some folic acid supplements.
You want to take 400 micrograms a day.
You're kidding.
No.
Well,thanks.
This is great.
I'm a huge admirer of yours,Jordan.
Well...
It's how you keep everybody in suspended terror.
You cultivate an air of unpredictability.
I really don't keep people in suspended terror.
I'd like to,but...
You do.
I don't cultivate an air of unpredictability either, but I like the way that sounds.
You want to hear a reality pitch?
Uh...
Why not? "
All You Need is Love. "
I've got goose bumps.
You gave me the idea when you mentioned the Beatles.
It's about healing.
We show people making apologies in their lives.
A defrocked priest meets with his victims.
A man who abandoned his family.
Twin sisters who split over a divorce.
These are just the first three I like, and America's going to like them,too.
You hate it.
I love it.
Really?
No.
I was being unpredictable to keep you in a state of suspended terror.
Jack.
How'd it go?
Uh...
a little rough.
All right,don't say too much.
You're on speakerphone.
Can you take me off?
I can't.
Why?
I don't know.
Listen,this is the last piece of news I wanted to bring to you this week.
Oh.
What?
Production in Romania had to shut down.
Dracula?
Dracula had to shut down?
Yeah.
For how long?
For good.
It's over.
What the hell happened?
The production company ran out of money, the crew took the cameras and equipment, the cast went home, and the producer moved his family onto the location- a 15th century castle- where,literally,he pulled up the drawbridge.
Sorry.
Hallie Galloway is here.
Hallie?
We just talked ten minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know.
She didn't know.
Just like I didn't know you talked ten minutes ago.
I was welcoming her to the company.
What are we going to do about May?
I don't know yet.
That's not the answer I wanted to hear.
Yeah.
That was our May sweeps.
I know.
How the hell did you let that get away from you?
It was a very competent production company.
They...
they...
they shut down production.
What would it have looked like if they would have been incompetent?
I've got the Board of Direct...
Oh!
What are we going to fill with?
This is an hour old.
I don't know.
Hallie,are you still there?
Would you like me to step out?
No.
What about your thing?
When he called,he asked if I had...
- Sure.
Hello?
Hallie?
Hello?
Hello?
I'm sorry?
What about the show Hallie was just telling me about?
It sounds like an event.
Well,I don't know very much about it yet,Jack.
Well,learn about it,would you?
The last three times Hallie said she had a good idea, it was a good idea.
It was innocent,Jordan.
Yeah?
He said- I told you- he said, "You working on any ideas?"
Hallie...
- He was just calling to welcome me,and asked...
Your answer should have been,"Yes. "
Yes,I'm working on some ideas, and I'm very excited to pitch them to Jordan. "
Well,you write me a script next time.
Excuse me?
I said,you write me a script next time.
I made it pretty clear how I felt about this show.
No.
You made it pretty clear how you felt about alternative programming.
Excuse me.
Illiterate programming.
Unfortunately,I am the Vice President for Alternative Programming, so what kind of pitches did you think you were going to get from me?
Pretty bad ones.
Well,you're in a fix 'cause Jack liked it.
Uh-oh.
There's another pretty girl at the dance, and this one's not pregnant.
Have a written proposal with cost breakdowns by the end of the day.
Great.
Would you like me...?
Why don't you get out of my office now?
She said that? "
There's another pretty girl at the dance and this one's not pregnant"?
Yeah.
It was one of those moments when you don't have time to react.
One minute she was telling me how much she admired me, The next minute she challenged me to a duel.
This chick is All About Eve.
Yes...
yes,she is.
If Eve Harrington was a network executive and Bette Davis ate all the time.
It was unprovoked?
Yes.
Yes,except...
What?
I may have implied- I mean,she took it the wrong way- I may have implied that I don't have any respect for her job.
How?
I called her the Vice-President for Illiterate Programming.
You think she may havetaken it the wrong way?
And when she asked me what kind of pitches I should expect from her, I said,"Pretty bad ones. "
Why would you do that?
Because I'm a bitch.
You're not a bitch.
Oh,I'm abee-yotch,baby.
And she gave me supplements, and the truth is, if we make her show into an event, it could really bail us out of the Dracula thing.
What happened with Dracula?
Oh,the remaining crew made off with the cameras and the equipment because the production company couldn't afford to pay them because the Bani was devalued.
What's a Bani?
One - one-hundredth of a Lieu.
It's Romanian currency.
It doesn't matter.
I have to apologize.
I'm her boss.
This is ridiculous.
Are you gonna finish your...
Yes.
Finally, a budget note: NBS would like us to use liter bottles of soda in the kitchen instead of individual cans.
This will provide an annual savings of...
I'm sorry.
That is too stupid to read out loud.
That's it.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Chuckles.
Thank you.
Yeah.
My nephew called this morning and against my advice he's applying to Northwestern.
Wise young man.
I wanted to get someone who is a distinguished alumnus to write him a letter of recommendation.
I don't know any,so I'm asking you.
Is he qualified?
He's carrying a 3.8 at Boston Latin.
He's a Merit Scholar.
Came in second for a Westinghouse scholarship and runs marathons.
What did you have?
I was president of the A/V Club.
And played sax in the marching band.
I think you need a letter of recommendation,man.
You'll do it?
Well,I'll have one of the interns do it for me,but sure.
Thanks.
Wait!
Whoa.
What?
I do need a letter of recommendation.
Many letters of recommendation!
I should inundate her with letters of recommendation!
What're you talking about?
Jordan.
I should have faxed letters of recommendation from everybody.
Spielberg,Clint Eastwood, Steve Jobs,Sumner Redstone, my doctor,my dentist,my accountant,my mother.
Your dentist?
Wilson White!
Your mother?
The governor.
The interns.
So she knows I'm good among the people.
You are very good among the people.
Could you send a couple of interns to my office?
Who the hell knows their names?
Anybody.
This is good.
I like it for its maturity.
You going to lecture me on maturity,leather-boot boy?
I gave the boot back.
Okay.
I'm 24-hour maturity.
Hey.
Where's the bid at?!
The last time I checked it was...
2,500?
2,501.
Did you find any organizations that...?
Loving More,a nonprofit organization to promote the national polyamorous movement?
There's our winner: 2,502.
And the apple says,"I'm,not a man,I'm an apple," and the mongongo fruit says,"The Man. "
The Man,as in,'The Man took away my Medicaid,' you stupid prat. "
What the hell is a prat?
A git.
A plonker.
Give me a minute,would you?
Yes.
The Husky Gymnast.
My whole routine is chalking up and trying to get on the bars.
Could be a running character.
Uh...
Husky Gymnast on balance beam.
Husky Gymnast on pommel horse.
Husky Gymnast does a routine with a stick and a ribbon.
What else you got?
Um...
trampoline.
You do trampoline?
A little bit.
I gave it to you,that Fruit of the Loom thing.
Yeah.
I told Matt and Andy.
Isn't Lucy working with you?
Yeah,she is, and Mary Poppins is a perfect fit for this sketch,but I gave it to you.
I just thought you wanted the idea in the room.
I didn't know you wanted specifically...
You did know I wanted specifically, and you blew it off to Lucy 'cause you don't want to be the black guy.
Simon.
You're trading up.
That's not true.
I'm not good enough to write for?
Come on.
Get your head out of your ass.
Yes,sir.
Damn thanks I get for saving you.
Excuse me?
I said,this is the damn thanks I get for saving you.
You saved me?
You were two hits in the head away from being nothing,okay?
Is that right?
That's right.
Well,Lordy,Master Simon, you sho' is good to us field niggahs,ain't cha?
You should walk away now.
Hi.
Hello,Tom.
Did you have a good break?
Yes,thank you.
Good.
Good.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for Simon to come back.
The men who work here have a very difficult time focusing on one subject at a moment.
They're easily distracted by shiny objects.
Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime?
Pardon?
I asked if you would like to go out on a date with me sometime.
Really?
Yeah.
Really.
Yeah.
Really.
Yeah.
I'd love to.
Thursday night?
Sure.
Then my work here is done.
Ni hao?
Ni hao?
Ni hao?!
Ni hao?
Eh?
Uh...
wo...
shi...
Jack Rudolph.
Nice to meet you You speak English.
Yes.
He asks if you enjoyed the concert.
Well,I wasn't here for the concert,sir.
I- I apologize for...
...interrupting your evening if you flew all the way from Macao to see your daughter.
Yes,of course.
You seem troubled,my new friend.
Shortly before the new year- our new year- My news division carried a live interview with a young soldier fighting our war in Afghanistan.
During the interview,something called a rocket-propelled grenade exploded very close to where the interview was taking place.
Am I speaking too fast?
Oh,no.
Um...
The soldier was frightened...
and shouted an obscenity, uh,which is,uh,uh,a word you're not allowed to use on broadcast television.
The FCC, wants to fine us.
Wilson White and I feel strongly very strongly, that this is wrong.
This soldier was in the field?
Yes.
Shi.
I was in the army.
I know,sir.
Wilson and I want to fight this, and we need the support of our board of directors.
Our board is concerned that,if we fight, the FCC will retaliate by not approving our deal in Macau, and so...
I'm asking you a favor now.
Man-to-man.
Man-to-man.
Yes.
Sir, I need you to dump us.
You're working that thing pretty good.
I'm sorry?
You're doing pretty good.
I do it with weights.
You could just wear a heavier shirt.
I did it again.
I'm sorry,Hallie.
I was awful before; it was inexcusable.
I don't know what got into me.
I'm the leader of a company and all you ever did to me was come work here.
What you said to me at the end,I provoked.
Sales loves your show.
So does marketing.
Let's take it to the next step.
All in,you had a good first day. "
If I say I'm going to do something, I'm honor bound to do it. "
It's your sense of honor that I'm counting on right now.
Hello,Kim.
Hello,Mr.
Rudolph.
Problem?
My father's angry 'cause I'm giving up the viola.
He says I'm not giving up the viola.
Would you tell him I just turned 20 years old and,in this country,that means I get to make my own decisions.
Uh...
Okay.
I told him this wasn't the time to talk about this.
Yes,improvisational comedy.
I'm leaving Julliard, I'm giving up the viola, and I'm going to study improvisational comedy.
Ah.
He says,"Can you talk some sense into her?"
You know,your father and I were just discussing... "
She wants to do comedy in America. "
Do you think it might be possible to meet with Tom Jeter, so he can give me some advice on how to get started?
That was me saying that.
...Tom Jeter. "
And she's always talking about Tom Jeter. "
Everything American. "
American clothes,American music, American television stars. "
"I'm losing my daughter. "
No,you're not.
You want to meet with Tom Jeter,Kim?
Have him tell you about life in comedy?
I would be indebted to you.
Sadly for you,I need your father to be indebted to me, but this is gonna work out fine for all of us.
How long are you and your family in town?
Until the end of the week.
You feel like going with Tom to a dinner honoring Harriet Hayes?
Are you kidding me?!
Translate,please.
I'm going to say good night now,sir.
I hope you'll think about my problem.
But while you do, I'm going to fix yours.
You'll have your daughter back.
Man-to-man.
Can you pack me up?
I'm going to work at home for a while.
Sure.
And Harriet's coming up.
When she gets here,keep her waiting a few minutes.
I don't like her thinking I'm so accessible.
Matt?
Yeah?
I came in one of the other six doors.
Fine.
A Columbia University study tracking the sex lives of 12,000 adolescents between 12 and 18 years old over a five-year period found unsafe sex much greater among those who had signed abstinence pledges.
'Cause while they were being taught to just say no, nobody taught 'em about sexually-transmitted diseases and how incredibly easily they can be prevented.
I'm sorry,I nodded off while you were talking.
Are you coming to see me get this thing Thursday night?
What thing?
I'm being honored at a dinner by Catholics in Media.
I didn't know about it.
You want to come?
It's Thursday night,I'm gonna have to work.
Okay.
I saw your first draft of "Dolphin Girl. "
It's gonna be great.
I'm really quite something.
Yeah.
Harry?
Yes?
Do me a favor,huh?
Next year,if you're gonna go to a New Year's Eve party with Luke, could you pick one where you guys aren't gonna run into,like,every person I know?
You grabbed me during a show- the Christmas show- and kissed me.
And then it was like it never happened.
Guess what,cubby?
Pick a gear and stay in it a while.
Anything else?
No.
Thursday night?
Yeah.
Wish I could be there.
So do the Catholics.
Suzanne!
Yeah!
How did...?
Never mind.
Where's the bid?
You're not gonna like it.
How much?
$4,000.
Are you...?
Is this dinner with Harriet and Ava Gardner?
Four thousand and one?
Yeah.
And $4,002 to the sex people.
Yes,and could you call my parents Sim.
Yeah.
Want to get a beer?
No,I'm downstairs working on "Fruit of the Loom. "
Hey,are you and Darius having a problem?
Not as soon as I'm done with him we're not.
I don't know what that means.
You don't have to.
Okay.
I'm out of here!
Um,I was wondering if it'd be possible to have some time off Thursday night.
Tom's asked me on a date and I just wanted a moment to shower and change into nice clothes.
And then the date.
I can come back here right after.
He appears to be a gentleman.
He is.
And very cute.
I really can't speak to that.
Can I have time Thursday night?
Yes.
Matt.
Hi,Luce.
Hi.
I was just coming to ask Matt for Thursday night.
Oh.
Well,I was here to go over...
to correct my spelling,my grammar,to go over a sketch.
I was...
asking for the night,too.
Thank you.
I guess you asked her out.
Yeah.
Well,good.
Never seen her smile before- that was nice.
Thursday night?
Yeah.
Excuse me- Tom?
Jack Rudolph's office just called.
He's in a car on his way here and says you're not to leave the building until he's talked to you.
To him?
Yeah.
To me?
Yeah.
Why would Jack Rudolph need to talk to him?
I don't know; let me go see if I got this wrong.
Can I go?
All set.
And the book?
Right here.
Good night.
What do you say,boss?
Hello.
Did you get my fax recommendation for Danny?
Yes,I did,Matt.
Along with 38 others including Martin Scorcese,Lauren Bacall and Lord Dickenson,the Third Earl of Kent.
But did you think mine was the best?
Is he in his office?
Yeah.
Have you heard of this book The 48 Laws of Power?
.
No It's a guide to accumulating power for people who've never heard of Machiavelli.
I need to speak to Danny. "
Law 14: Pose as a friend,work as a spy. "
"Law 42: Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter. "
"Law 17: "Keep others in suspended terror.
Cultivate an air of unpredictability. "
What?
Huh?
What did you just say?
The last one. "
Law 17: Keep others in suspended terror.
Cultivate an air of unpredictability. "
It's the bible of gangster wannabes and psychopaths.
You all right?
Yeah.
Do me a favor.
Read my recommendation again 'cause every word is true.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi,Danny.
What are you doing here?
I...
I...
came to see you.
You're probably wondering how I know the Third Earl of Kent.
It's a funny story.
You have to stop.
This was embarrasing to me,Danny.
Everyone you did this with now knows that...
This was unprofessional.
You made me look silly at the worst possible time.
Jordan...
The worst possible time.
Between us we have three marriages,a DUl, a cocaine addiction and a baby by another man.
And I'm your boss.
You asked me out once,I said no.
You asked me again,I said no.
You asked me out again,I said no.
I'm sorry,I didn't mean to embarrass you.
Will you please stop?
No.
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