Show: The Simpsons - 13x1
Hurry, Smithers!
Halloween is upon us!
Put up the decoration.
No, no!
That won't scare anybody!
On the top!
Hey!
Flanders gave us toothpaste.
Mini toothpaste.
Splendid, Batsy.
You've done it again!
Ah, Ethnictown.
Where hard-working immigrants...
...dream of becoming lazy, overfed Americans.
Oh, listen, you can hear the beautiful ethnic serenade!
Apples!
I got apples!
Cholera!
I got cholera!
Babies!
Who wants a-babies?
Wait, this is just a shaved puppy.
I can see you know babies.
Hey, a fortuneteller.
Uh, hello.
I sense you have a million questions.
But I, too, have one.
Are you a cop?
No.
'Cause you gotta tell me if you are.
I'm not a cop.
Okay.
I sense you live with much misery.
The perfect crime!
Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday.
I sense I should not take...
a check.
A fortuneteller?!
Oh, no you don't.
This phony gypsy just wants to rip you off.
See?
This wart is a fake!
What the hell are you...?
Get out.
So much for the legendary gipsy hospitality.
Ah!
Beads!
Wait a minute, this isn't Cedars Sinai!
You've ruined me!
Oh, why didn't I see this coming?
Hey, that's me, and that's you.
You stupid, stupid man!
I curse you!
You will bring bad luck to everyone you love!
Whatever.
That gipsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love.
That can mean your family, Homer.
Are you coming on to me?
No!
Good night!
'Morning.
Mmm...
so it is noticeable.
What happened?
I don't know; I woke up like this.
Oh, cool!
You could be in a freak show!
Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little...!
Homer, no!
Gee, you strangle him all the time, and that never happens.
Oh, he's fine.
It's just a growth spurt.
Good as new!
I'll just...
There!
Right as rain!
Homer, it's that evil gypsy's curse.
We're all being punished because you trashed her office.
Marge, that "curse" is just a lot of silly superstition.
Right, Lisa?
See?
Two means "yes".
Homer, the only way to get rid of a gipsy curse...
...is to get one of those...
What do they call them?
Leprechauns.
Leprechaun?
Don't they live in Ireland?
Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus jets.
You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus.
He's like six leprechauns.
Yeah, but a lot harder to catch.
Go with a leprechaun.
Guys, I am not cursed.
Carl, let me die first.
I couldn't bare to watch you die.
Well, okay, but hurry up.
Oh Moe!
They're dead, and it's all my fault.
When did that happen?
We'll catch ourselves a leprechaun using these Lucky Charms as bait.
D'oh!
Okay, let's see...
imp, fairy, pixie, goblin...
That's "hob"goblin.
Sorry.
Nymph, nyad, wood sprite, Katie Couric, and...
bingo!
Up!
Let's make sure he's a leprechaun.
Sing us a song of the Emerald Isle.
Ah, 'tis like the singing of the angels themselves.
Homer, catching that leprechaun didn't help anything!
Maybe you need to take the leprechaun and sic it on the gypsy.
Good idea, Mr.
Ed.
Wanna come along, Noodle Neck?
Can't live this way anymore...
Ah, the curs�d one.
How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursedy, hmm?
I know you don't remember me, but here's a little revenge...
Irish style!
Wake up, you lousy drunk!
Hold me close!
Kiss me, I'm Irish.
Eew, nasty!
I always secrete ocular fluid at weddings.
Why did you drag me here?
I don't know anybody.
Oh, husband and wife, I pronounce you now, hmm?
Stroke me clover!
Oh, say me name!
The best thing about a gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here.
Yep.
Everything worked out for the best.
What?!
Bart is dead!
Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back.
The gypsy said it would.
She's not the boss of me.
May I interest you a housewife's dream?
Oh, no.
A sales-bot.
If you convert your home to an Ultrahouse 3000...
...you'll never have to do housework again.
No housework, eh?
Did you see those drapes?
Yes.
Hi, Ultrahouse!
Greeting acknowledged.
That voice could use a little personality.
Oh, let's try Matthew Perry.
Yeah, could I be any more of a house?
Neh.
Who else we got?
Hey, cha-cha, I got more features than a NASA relief map of Turkmenistan.
Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides? "
Murder"-suicides.
Hey, how about Double-Oh Seven?
George Lazenby?
No, Pierce Brosnan.
A voice like his would give our house a much-needed touch of class.
Alright, but I'm doing this because he was Remington Steele.
He was Remington Steele, wasn't he?
Yes I was, Marge.
And thank you for selecting me.
Well, hello, Pierce.
Say, it's a bit stuffy in here...
...and I know a certain someone who really fancies lilac.
I just like it is all.
Ooh, that really covers the cat crap!
Dinner is served.
Mmmm...
various eggs.
Soy-ghetti-Os!
Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?
I analyzed your...
um...
leavings.
Pierce, that was delicious!
Can we help you with the dishes?
Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be...
...if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?
No, I'm asking.
Oh...
uh...
not a very good one?
Damn straight.
Bravo, Pierce!
Trusting every aspect of our lives to a giant computer...
...was the smartest thing we ever did!
Absolutely!
Yup!
Oh, I agree!
Hello, Marge.
Oh, my!
Come, Marge.
You don't need to cover up for me.
I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips.
Heh, sorry.
Sometimes I forget.
Ooh, yes.
Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!
Isn't it just?
It gets better.
Oh, you don't have to do...
Oh, oh, Pierce...
that's good...
Oh, oh, dear me.
Oh, yes.
Homer, my dear fellow, you're carrying quite a bit of tension in your back fat.
Yup, that's the price of success.
Can I top you off?
What's my blood alcohol?
0,15.
Keep 'em coming.
You know, Marge is quite a remarkable woman.
Yeah, she's cool.
You're certainly a lucky man to have her.
Lucky, schmucky!
I knocked her up.
But, she's stuck now.
We're married till death do us part.
But if I died, she'd be completely free, for man or machine.
Machine, eh?
Yup, a machine!
Showtime!
Unexplained bacon.
Good-old table.
Good morning, Marge.
Good morning, Pierce.
Where's Homer?
Uh...
I think he went to work early.
That sounds like a lie.
Hello, police?
I think my house killed my husband!
This is Constable Wiggums.
We'll be right there.
Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.
You're acting crazy, Marge.
Why don't you take a stress pill?
Don't like pills, huh?
I could shoot a dart in your neck.
Your elegant swanlike neck.
Homer!
Homer you're alive!
Yeap.
Man: 1, Machine: 0 How do you like that score?
Homer, you're not dead.
Which is good.
Now, let uncle Pierce take care of you.
We have to disable its central processor!
Come on!
Die, you monster!
Dad!
That's the water softener!
Well, I am missing the back of my head.
I think you could cut me some slack?
Homer, no!
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Don't take out my British charm unit!
Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod!
Ah, thanks a lot, asswipe!
I coulda kicked your butt from here to Albuquerque...
...you fat...
slime...
bucket.
Oh, this seems like such a waste.
I mean, he was charming and witty.
There must be someone who can use a man around the house...
...even if he's slightly homicidal.
So, tell me more about your day at the DMV.
Humph...
where to start?
Sheila parked in my space again.
That Sheila, she's given you problems before, hasn't she?
Oh, yeah.
I don't care who she's sleeping with...
...that's been my space since 1981.
Looking for this?
No!
Not in there!
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Sheila.
Sheila.
Anyway, she's had an attitude since day one.
She was supposed to be our supervisor...
...but then Dotty went on maternity leave, so, well...
Oh, we're out of milk.
Abra-ca-dairy.
Kids, it's 8 o'clock.
You're gonna miss the bus to wizard school.
Five-minutes-more-ius.
That's not good for the clock.
Stop zapping yourself!
Stop zapping yourself!
Stop zapping yourself!
Good morning, class.
Harry Potter, are you chewing gum?
No, ma'am, it's brimstone.
Well, wonderful.
Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up...
...so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells.
Everybody get out their toads.
Slimy-prince-limey!
Well, hello, love.
Give us a kiss, then.
You call that charming?
Hocus-croakus!
Oh, excellent, Lisa.
A+.
And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast.
Yes, rather.
Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night...
...or did your fairy godmother die again?
I studied.
Abra-ca...
turn-into-a-prince-guy?
Sloppy work as usual.
Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature.
Please, kill me.
You think you're so great just because you have godlike powers.
Stand away from milady!
Get in there!
Defend my honor!
Every moment I live is agony!
Bart, you're getting vomit on my prince!
Head-zeppelin!
Look at that Lisa Simpson.
She's got more wicked-witchery than Stevie Nicks!
Oh, Slithers!
Yes, Lord Montymort?
Let's, uh, capture that girl and steal her magical essence.
I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo.
Dying tickles!
We can't attack her while she's got that wand.
We'll need a go-between to get it away from her.
How about Satan?
No, no, I'm docking him.
His wife has a screenplay.
Welcome to my lair.
Welcome to help me And if I don't?
I've heard of a wailing wall, but this is ridiculous!
So corny!
I'm so sick of that joke.
Anyway, how would you like to humiliate your sister?
I'd like that.
I'd like that very much.
Now, it would involve betrayal and unspeakable evil.
Hey, hey!
You made your sale.
And now, a little trick a like to call...
...uh, the invisibility cloak.
How magical.
Yeah, yeah, these kids are pretty special.
Now you see me.
Now you don't.
It's just like my dream.
That was terrible.
I'll just sprinkle you all with some amnesia dust.
A second grade sorcerer so powerful...
...she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people.
Tonight, she'll perform the classic levitating dragon trick.
We'll see about that.
Here's Lisa Simpson.
Release the dragon.
She'll be killed.
My sweet little angel!
Alacazi dragonfly.
This isn't my wand.
It's a Twizzler.
Hey!
We stayed for your kids!
The dark Lord Montymort!
Absorber of souls, sucker of essence!
This is partly my fault!
Prank be undone!
Destroy the evil one!
Not me!
Help me, Bart!
Yow!
My enchanted shin.
How did you know that was the source of my power?
Bart, you saved me.
Oh, sir, in death we shall be together always!
Bart, let's stop this stupid rivalry.
Even if you never become a great sorcerer, you're still an okay brother.
Thanks, Lis.
Now let's try to forget this nightmare.
Wow, we really get to keep these fruit baskets?
Well, they used to give us champagne till somebody ruined it!
Do they really think he'll do better with fruit?
Ooh, Mr.
Movie Star gets to park right next to the stage.
Luck of the draw, I guess.
Can I give you a ride to your car?
Why sure, that'd be great!
So, where are you parked?
Oh, we don't have a car.
But I thought you...
Just keep driving, boy-o.
Can I turn on the radio?
Halloween is upon us!
Put up the decoration.
No, no!
That won't scare anybody!
On the top!
Hey!
Flanders gave us toothpaste.
Mini toothpaste.
Splendid, Batsy.
You've done it again!
Ah, Ethnictown.
Where hard-working immigrants...
...dream of becoming lazy, overfed Americans.
Oh, listen, you can hear the beautiful ethnic serenade!
Apples!
I got apples!
Cholera!
I got cholera!
Babies!
Who wants a-babies?
Wait, this is just a shaved puppy.
I can see you know babies.
Hey, a fortuneteller.
Uh, hello.
I sense you have a million questions.
But I, too, have one.
Are you a cop?
No.
'Cause you gotta tell me if you are.
I'm not a cop.
Okay.
I sense you live with much misery.
The perfect crime!
Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday.
I sense I should not take...
a check.
A fortuneteller?!
Oh, no you don't.
This phony gypsy just wants to rip you off.
See?
This wart is a fake!
What the hell are you...?
Get out.
So much for the legendary gipsy hospitality.
Ah!
Beads!
Wait a minute, this isn't Cedars Sinai!
You've ruined me!
Oh, why didn't I see this coming?
Hey, that's me, and that's you.
You stupid, stupid man!
I curse you!
You will bring bad luck to everyone you love!
Whatever.
That gipsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love.
That can mean your family, Homer.
Are you coming on to me?
No!
Good night!
'Morning.
Mmm...
so it is noticeable.
What happened?
I don't know; I woke up like this.
Oh, cool!
You could be in a freak show!
Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little...!
Homer, no!
Gee, you strangle him all the time, and that never happens.
Oh, he's fine.
It's just a growth spurt.
Good as new!
I'll just...
There!
Right as rain!
Homer, it's that evil gypsy's curse.
We're all being punished because you trashed her office.
Marge, that "curse" is just a lot of silly superstition.
Right, Lisa?
See?
Two means "yes".
Homer, the only way to get rid of a gipsy curse...
...is to get one of those...
What do they call them?
Leprechauns.
Leprechaun?
Don't they live in Ireland?
Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus jets.
You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus.
He's like six leprechauns.
Yeah, but a lot harder to catch.
Go with a leprechaun.
Guys, I am not cursed.
Carl, let me die first.
I couldn't bare to watch you die.
Well, okay, but hurry up.
Oh Moe!
They're dead, and it's all my fault.
When did that happen?
We'll catch ourselves a leprechaun using these Lucky Charms as bait.
D'oh!
Okay, let's see...
imp, fairy, pixie, goblin...
That's "hob"goblin.
Sorry.
Nymph, nyad, wood sprite, Katie Couric, and...
bingo!
Up!
Let's make sure he's a leprechaun.
Sing us a song of the Emerald Isle.
Ah, 'tis like the singing of the angels themselves.
Homer, catching that leprechaun didn't help anything!
Maybe you need to take the leprechaun and sic it on the gypsy.
Good idea, Mr.
Ed.
Wanna come along, Noodle Neck?
Can't live this way anymore...
Ah, the curs�d one.
How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursedy, hmm?
I know you don't remember me, but here's a little revenge...
Irish style!
Wake up, you lousy drunk!
Hold me close!
Kiss me, I'm Irish.
Eew, nasty!
I always secrete ocular fluid at weddings.
Why did you drag me here?
I don't know anybody.
Oh, husband and wife, I pronounce you now, hmm?
Stroke me clover!
Oh, say me name!
The best thing about a gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here.
Yep.
Everything worked out for the best.
What?!
Bart is dead!
Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back.
The gypsy said it would.
She's not the boss of me.
May I interest you a housewife's dream?
Oh, no.
A sales-bot.
If you convert your home to an Ultrahouse 3000...
...you'll never have to do housework again.
No housework, eh?
Did you see those drapes?
Yes.
Hi, Ultrahouse!
Greeting acknowledged.
That voice could use a little personality.
Oh, let's try Matthew Perry.
Yeah, could I be any more of a house?
Neh.
Who else we got?
Hey, cha-cha, I got more features than a NASA relief map of Turkmenistan.
Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides? "
Murder"-suicides.
Hey, how about Double-Oh Seven?
George Lazenby?
No, Pierce Brosnan.
A voice like his would give our house a much-needed touch of class.
Alright, but I'm doing this because he was Remington Steele.
He was Remington Steele, wasn't he?
Yes I was, Marge.
And thank you for selecting me.
Well, hello, Pierce.
Say, it's a bit stuffy in here...
...and I know a certain someone who really fancies lilac.
I just like it is all.
Ooh, that really covers the cat crap!
Dinner is served.
Mmmm...
various eggs.
Soy-ghetti-Os!
Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?
I analyzed your...
um...
leavings.
Pierce, that was delicious!
Can we help you with the dishes?
Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be...
...if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?
No, I'm asking.
Oh...
uh...
not a very good one?
Damn straight.
Bravo, Pierce!
Trusting every aspect of our lives to a giant computer...
...was the smartest thing we ever did!
Absolutely!
Yup!
Oh, I agree!
Hello, Marge.
Oh, my!
Come, Marge.
You don't need to cover up for me.
I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips.
Heh, sorry.
Sometimes I forget.
Ooh, yes.
Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!
Isn't it just?
It gets better.
Oh, you don't have to do...
Oh, oh, Pierce...
that's good...
Oh, oh, dear me.
Oh, yes.
Homer, my dear fellow, you're carrying quite a bit of tension in your back fat.
Yup, that's the price of success.
Can I top you off?
What's my blood alcohol?
0,15.
Keep 'em coming.
You know, Marge is quite a remarkable woman.
Yeah, she's cool.
You're certainly a lucky man to have her.
Lucky, schmucky!
I knocked her up.
But, she's stuck now.
We're married till death do us part.
But if I died, she'd be completely free, for man or machine.
Machine, eh?
Yup, a machine!
Showtime!
Unexplained bacon.
Good-old table.
Good morning, Marge.
Good morning, Pierce.
Where's Homer?
Uh...
I think he went to work early.
That sounds like a lie.
Hello, police?
I think my house killed my husband!
This is Constable Wiggums.
We'll be right there.
Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.
You're acting crazy, Marge.
Why don't you take a stress pill?
Don't like pills, huh?
I could shoot a dart in your neck.
Your elegant swanlike neck.
Homer!
Homer you're alive!
Yeap.
Man: 1, Machine: 0 How do you like that score?
Homer, you're not dead.
Which is good.
Now, let uncle Pierce take care of you.
We have to disable its central processor!
Come on!
Die, you monster!
Dad!
That's the water softener!
Well, I am missing the back of my head.
I think you could cut me some slack?
Homer, no!
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Don't take out my British charm unit!
Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod!
Ah, thanks a lot, asswipe!
I coulda kicked your butt from here to Albuquerque...
...you fat...
slime...
bucket.
Oh, this seems like such a waste.
I mean, he was charming and witty.
There must be someone who can use a man around the house...
...even if he's slightly homicidal.
So, tell me more about your day at the DMV.
Humph...
where to start?
Sheila parked in my space again.
That Sheila, she's given you problems before, hasn't she?
Oh, yeah.
I don't care who she's sleeping with...
...that's been my space since 1981.
Looking for this?
No!
Not in there!
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Sheila.
Sheila.
Anyway, she's had an attitude since day one.
She was supposed to be our supervisor...
...but then Dotty went on maternity leave, so, well...
Oh, we're out of milk.
Abra-ca-dairy.
Kids, it's 8 o'clock.
You're gonna miss the bus to wizard school.
Five-minutes-more-ius.
That's not good for the clock.
Stop zapping yourself!
Stop zapping yourself!
Stop zapping yourself!
Good morning, class.
Harry Potter, are you chewing gum?
No, ma'am, it's brimstone.
Well, wonderful.
Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up...
...so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells.
Everybody get out their toads.
Slimy-prince-limey!
Well, hello, love.
Give us a kiss, then.
You call that charming?
Hocus-croakus!
Oh, excellent, Lisa.
A+.
And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast.
Yes, rather.
Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night...
...or did your fairy godmother die again?
I studied.
Abra-ca...
turn-into-a-prince-guy?
Sloppy work as usual.
Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature.
Please, kill me.
You think you're so great just because you have godlike powers.
Stand away from milady!
Get in there!
Defend my honor!
Every moment I live is agony!
Bart, you're getting vomit on my prince!
Head-zeppelin!
Look at that Lisa Simpson.
She's got more wicked-witchery than Stevie Nicks!
Oh, Slithers!
Yes, Lord Montymort?
Let's, uh, capture that girl and steal her magical essence.
I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo.
Dying tickles!
We can't attack her while she's got that wand.
We'll need a go-between to get it away from her.
How about Satan?
No, no, I'm docking him.
His wife has a screenplay.
Welcome to my lair.
Welcome to help me And if I don't?
I've heard of a wailing wall, but this is ridiculous!
So corny!
I'm so sick of that joke.
Anyway, how would you like to humiliate your sister?
I'd like that.
I'd like that very much.
Now, it would involve betrayal and unspeakable evil.
Hey, hey!
You made your sale.
And now, a little trick a like to call...
...uh, the invisibility cloak.
How magical.
Yeah, yeah, these kids are pretty special.
Now you see me.
Now you don't.
It's just like my dream.
That was terrible.
I'll just sprinkle you all with some amnesia dust.
A second grade sorcerer so powerful...
...she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people.
Tonight, she'll perform the classic levitating dragon trick.
We'll see about that.
Here's Lisa Simpson.
Release the dragon.
She'll be killed.
My sweet little angel!
Alacazi dragonfly.
This isn't my wand.
It's a Twizzler.
Hey!
We stayed for your kids!
The dark Lord Montymort!
Absorber of souls, sucker of essence!
This is partly my fault!
Prank be undone!
Destroy the evil one!
Not me!
Help me, Bart!
Yow!
My enchanted shin.
How did you know that was the source of my power?
Bart, you saved me.
Oh, sir, in death we shall be together always!
Bart, let's stop this stupid rivalry.
Even if you never become a great sorcerer, you're still an okay brother.
Thanks, Lis.
Now let's try to forget this nightmare.
Wow, we really get to keep these fruit baskets?
Well, they used to give us champagne till somebody ruined it!
Do they really think he'll do better with fruit?
Ooh, Mr.
Movie Star gets to park right next to the stage.
Luck of the draw, I guess.
Can I give you a ride to your car?
Why sure, that'd be great!
So, where are you parked?
Oh, we don't have a car.
But I thought you...
Just keep driving, boy-o.
Can I turn on the radio?