Show: The O.C. - 3x10
Previously on The O.C.: I got you an appointment with the best sports medicine doctor in all of Orange County.
My dad really loves me.
So he's gonna really like you.
I have to tell you something.
I just want you to know the truth.
I think I'm in love with you.
So, Summer Roberts, you saved Chrismukkah.
Chrismukkah.
Well, that must be a lot of fun for you.
Yeah, well, you know, we have fun with it.
Nope!
Nope!
Look at the branch spacing.
It's like Swiss cheese.
And these stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments.
So that's a pass then?
Why not?
We've been here three hours.
Hey, get in the spirit, man.
It's Chrismukkah and I love Chrismukkah.
So we've heard.
Seriously, the best thing I've ever done.
Every Jewish boy wants Christmas.
I gave myself that.
Well, what's the equivalent?
What does every Christian kid want?
Easy, a bar mitzvah.
I've never wanted one.
Well, that's just 'cause you don't know better.
Oh.
Coop, let's look over here.
Again?
Yes.
Seriously, I think you should really consider it.
What, a bar mitzvah?
Yeah, you've brought some much needed "Chris" to the Cohens.
But I think you could really use a little "mukkah."
Mm, I don't think so.
It's tough talk from a guy that eats a lot of bagels.
Oh, you think Johnny would like that tree?
Johnny?
Johnny who?
Johnny Harper, Johnny?
Johnny, the one "let's take time off, just be friends because I'm in love with you" Johnny?
It's just, I feel bad.
I mean, it's the holidays and he's all alone laid up with his knee.
I don't know, Cooper-Scooper.
That's a bad nickname.
And, besides, I already talked about it with Ryan.
And he's cool with everything.
It's just a tree.
Okay.
But I get to pick it out.
Everything cool with you and Marissa?
Yep, we had a really good talk.
Mm-hmm, the whole Johnny thing?
There is no Johnny thing.
I mean, there is, but not for her.
Anyway, it's the holidays.
I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind.
Hey, so we found a great tree for Johnny's house.
Did you now?
Yeah, well, I figured he could use some holiday cheer.
I think that's a good idea.
Come on.
And what do you think, Cohen?
My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble.
Hey!
Oh, hey.
Marissa.
If you're looking for Johnny, it's probably not the best time.
Is everything okay?
Who is it, Ma?
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Brought you a little something for the holidays.
It only took Summer five hours to pick it out.
Thanks, that really nice of you guys.
That is nice.
Here, let me.
Yeah.
I'll be inside.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Um...
just...
we got a call from the doctor.
Something wrong with the surgery?
There's not gonna be a surgery.
Apparently, my mom's insurance doesn't cover it so...
So he's not gonna do the operation?
He would...
if we could pay for it.
So I guess I'm gonna have to get used to living here a little while longer.
Sorry, man.
It's cool.
You know, I was kinda getting sick of surfing anyway.
Thanks for the tree.
I'll see ya.
Yeah.
I think he really liked the tree.
Hey.
I tell ya the air is crisp.
It must be 70 degrees out there.
The kids are not back yet with the tree?
Oh, not yet.
Seth said they'll be awhile.
I'm just pulling out stockings and menorahs and Yarma Claus.
All the Chrismukkah trimmings.
Remember when Seth made him this?
It feels like forever ago.
What feels like forever ago...
is when my mom and I made this.
My dad claimed it was his favorite.
Always demanded that he got to hang it.
It's your first holiday without him.
And the last one with the boys in the house.
Merry Chrismukkah, huh?
Well, luckily, Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday.
It's just that this year it just feels like it's flying by so fast, Sandy.
And I just feel adrift.
Well, you've got your business with Julie.
Hey, you want to feel better about your own life, hanging out with Julie Cooper is a great way to begin.
I should check in on her.
See how she's doing.
You mark my words-- this will be the best Chrismukkah ever.
You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Well, it just means you'll miss him less when he's gone.
You guys, we have to do something.
We need a Chrismukkah miracle.
Oh.
Right.
A Chrismukkah miracle, that's what I do.
Okay.
Um...
How 'bout if we...
No.
No.
What if...?!
No.
I know!
Stu-pid.
I can actually see the wheels turning.
Well, how much can surgery be?
It's a few grand at least.
If any of you were even remotely Jewish, I would just say we could pool our bar mitzvah money, but...
Holy crap, that's it.
What's it?
N...
oh, n-n-n-n-no.
Yes.
No way, dude.
Yes way, dude.
No.
Yes way, dude.
I'm sorry.
I can't.
I won't.
Will.
I'm not having it.
Having what?
A bar mitzvah.
Ryan gets bar mitzvahed.
Now that is funny.
Yeah, see?
Summer's laughing.
No, that's just gas.
Now listen...
Hey!
this wouldn't be an ordinary bar mitzvah.
You know what this would be?
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
A Chrismukkah bar mitzvahkah.
Spell that, dude.
That's crazy.
Yeah?
So crazy it just might work.
So, we throw a big party...
And Ryan gets the money from the bar mitzvah?
And then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery.
So how's this gonna work?
Am I just gonna stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?
You chant.
And hell yes.
What kind of centerpieces should we get?
I don't know.
Band or DJ?
A DJ with dancers.
Yeah.
I like the Pussycat Dolls.
Oh, my God, you're serious.
We can get so many cool things.
We can get Herkel the Jewish Clown.
Herkel?
DJ Goldsteinberger.
I told you guys I'm not going to your Christmas party.
Even if you are deep frying a ham.
Well, deep fried ham sounds delicious.
Kirsten, um...
I thought we weren't doing any business until after the new year?
I didn't come here for business.
Oh, just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh?
I came to see how you were.
I'm great.
Some of the neighbors are having cock fights in an hour using stray dogs.
It's a holiday tradition.
My money's on the feisty weimaraner.
Good.
'Cause I'm awful.
I'm spitting Skoal into a can, drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed and living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put into reverse.
I'm beyond awful.
You're at least gonna spend the holidays with Marissa, right?
You know, we were, but the Four Seasons in Maui is booked.
Haven't told her?
What, that her mom's now a Jeff Foxworthy fan?
She thinks our new oceanfront condo is undergoing a remodel.
Julie, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna let her have her fun.
And I will be miserable.
Well, misery loves company.
Hey.
Hi.
Dr.
Roberts.
Hello.
Hi, how are you?
I'm good, Seth.
How are you?
Great.
I'm with your daughter so, how could I not be great?
Plus the Angels won.
Looking pretty good this year, hmm?
Baseball season ended months ago, Seth.
But the market is up.
Yes?
No?
It's a good time for the market?
Yes?
No?
It's good.
It's bad?
It's a bad time for the market.
Cohen?
Why don't you go comb out Princess Sparkle's tail.
I know that relaxes you.
What?
Summer, what are you...?
What are you talking about?
I would never...
Is the comb where I left it?
Yeah.
Okay.
How are you, sweetheart?
Oh, I'm good.
I just had a trial run at the Christmas tree lot.
I helped pick out the Cohens' tree.
Oh, is what's her name around?
I thought maybe we could all go later and pick out ours?
Your stepmother?
She's out of town.
She's meeting with the maharishi in New Delhi.
She wants to get centered for the new year.
So, when she's here she's not really here, but now she's really not here?
We have each other.
And I've got a ton of work.
Well, can't tummy tucks wait?
It's the holidays.
Aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us?
I'm too busy.
I really haven't had the chance to be bummed.
I've got to be off to the O.R.
When you want to get that tree, you just let me know.
Bye, Dad.
He hasn't moved all day.
Johnny, your friends are here.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Hey.
This is when me and Chili went down to Costa Rica.
It was the greatest trip of my life.
Now it's the most depressing.
Well, we have some good news.
Yeah?
I could use some of that.
Yeah, well, you're gonna have the surgery.
Yeah, we're gonna throw a party.
Well, a fund raiser.
I mean, we have them all the time so it's not really a big deal.
But everyone in Newport usually comes.
Yeah, we'll raise the money.
So, I'm like a charity case now?
No, it's not like that.
The rich people pay for the poor kid.
How's it not like that?
We're trying to help.
I appreciate that.
But I've always taken care of myself.
Okay, all right.
But now is not the time to be proud.
Hey, man, if anyone should understand...
Look, thanks, but, no, thanks, all right?
I should probably lay down.
My knee's killing me.
Thanks for stopping by.
I don't care.
Ryan's still getting a bar mitzvah.
Come on, the whole point was to help Johnny.
Maybe, uh, to you, but do any of you remember my bar mitzvah?
Wait, wasn't that Luke's birthday?
We played paint ball.
That was so much fun.
Yeah, that was fun.
Apparently for the entire 13-year-old population of Orange County.
None of whom happened to swing by Temple Beth'el that day.
But you know what?
Now, I'm gonna get a do-over.
I just wish he'd let us help him.
Well, he doesn't want to be our charity case.
Poor guy.
Slight of build and on crutches.
He's kind of like our very own Tiny Tim.
He was pretty upset yesterday.
But he'd just gotten the news so...
Yeah, maybe if he just thinks about it he'll change his mind.
Exactly.
So, it's on.
All right, well, you guys keep working on it.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
All right.
Meet you at the diner.
Bye.
We only have one hurdle left before you become a man.
A bar mitzvah for Ryan?
Ooh, it just makes me feel all tingly hearing you say it.
Do you have any idea how offensive this is?
I'm not trying to offend, just help.
Well, you've gotta be Jewish to be bar mitzvahed.
Let's just start there.
Why are you guys doing this?
Our friend, Johnny, he can't afford knee surgery.
It's like a fund-raiser.
Which is where we need you, Mom.
It's a sacred religious event.
A tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments.
I'm sorry and that's a problem with the Jews right there.
We have no concept of marketing.
You're on thin ice.
Now, listen to me, a long time ago, Mom's team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers and snowmen and Tim Allen movies.
And I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday.
The birth of Christ?
I'd say so.
You betcha.
Well, now, the bar mitzvah is our greatest export possibility.
It's got huge crossover potential.
It's an honorary bar mitzvah.
It's a Christmas-kah bar mitzvah-kah.
I like it.
And they're helping their friend.
But we need your blessing.
That's right.
The club is throwing a holiday party anyway.
We'll hijack it.
We'll just tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital.
Sandy, it could be really fun.
It's honorary.
Hey.
Minimal Hebrew.
Which I'm fine with.
No tallis, no Hallel.
No Tefillin.
Hey, as long as people are dancing to "YMCA" and handing over envelopes of cash, we're in.
Then so are we.
Mazel Tov, buddy.
Hey, what are you doing?
Solitaire.
Are you winning?
There's nothing worse than losing to yourself, huh?
You got some time to talk?
Actually, I'm kinda busy.
I can see that.
No, I'm serious.
What's your problem, Johnny?
I mean, you don't want help from anyone?
Or you just don't want help from me?
My problem is my problem.
I'm sorry.
I've gotta take this.
I can wait.
It's private.
Hey...
actually it's not a good time.
You know what?
It's fine.
I'll go.
Marissa...
Sorry, okay?
Yeah, sure, I can meet you.
I can't believe this is you.
Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward.
I know.
No, but-but seriously.
You went out in public like this?
It's one of the unfortunate truths of the bar mitzvah, Ryan.
It's the most awkward time in a young, Jewish boy's life.
But also the most photographed.
Hmm...
Is there a videotape, too?
You have to kill me first.
Hey...
My archery award from Camp Takahalmac, my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade, my diorama of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings...
There we go.
This is the CD I trained with.
Rabbi Gutterman, he does a lovely job.
And very easy for you to mimic.
Ooh, I don't know if I can do this, man.
It'll be over before you know it.
Listen, you just chant a little Torah, you dance a little horah and then we're golden.
As soon as you hear "That's What Friends Are For" you're done.
That song's Jewish?
It mind as well be.
It's a staple of every bar mitzvah.
It's you and all your friends, your arms around each other, swaying.
It's awesome.
I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party?
It's hypothetically awesome.
But tomorrow we're gonna rewrite history.
Well, I guess I should go study.
And then I gotta meet up with Marissa...
Hey!
No slacking with the lady, okay?
You got 24 hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament...
And humiliate myself in front of the whole town.
It's better than humiliating yourself in front of no one.
Trust me.
Oh, Julie, this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues.
We're throwing a party.
It's called a bar mitzvah-kah which sounds delightful.
Seth is definitely one of a kind.
But how's this gonna work?
We raise a little money for the hospital.
They throw in an arthroscopic surgery.
And they're gonna go for that?
Julie Cooper?
Hi, doctor.
Have we met?
Well, I certainly hope so.
Your daughter's living at my house.
Oh, Neil, I didn't even recognize you.
Hi, Neil.
How are you?
I'm good, Kirsten.
Busy.
Well, I should thank you again for letting Marissa live with you.
Oh, there's no need to thank me.
I know how unnerving a remodel can be.
Uh, do you know where the administrator's office is?
Dr.
Singh?
What do you want with that crank?
We're throwing a little fund-raiser for the hospital.
He's definitely not the guy to see about a party.
Besides, he's in the Bahamas.
You're kidding?
But maybe I can help you.
I'm head of plastic surgery and I'm on the board.
Yes...
well...
It's called a bar mitzvah-kah.
I like to introduce you to my father-in-law.
And here's the nana, my mother.
Well, hello.
My father-in-law, Caleb Nichol.
Shalom.
Hey, Seth.
You wanna dance, sweetheart?
This song is called "That's What Friends Are For."
It's for your friends.
Well, we're your friends.
This is my funeral, not my bar mitzvah.
No one showed up.
And you said Summer Roberts was coming.
She RSVP'd.
So did a lot of kids.
I hate it here.
Ow.
What's wrong honey?
My rapid pallet expander is killing me.
Hey, Portnoy, how's it going?
Ah, I gotta meet Marissa.
I'm late.
Lost track of time.
That's the Torah for you right there.
Once you start unscrolling it's really hard to stop.
I'm a dead man tomorrow by the way.
Yeah, well, listen, in all seriousness, I think it's pretty great what you're doing for Johnny, considering everything.
Yeah, maybe it'll make me a saint.
Jews don't believe in saints, just really good stand-up comics.
Hey, I'm waiting for someone.
It'll just be a minute.
Hey, Johnny.
Are you okay?
Not really.
Hey, look, you're gonna get better.
If I don't...
my whole life I've dreamt of one thing.
I was so close to making that happen.
It was gonna change my life.
That can still happen.
I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you.
I know I've made things weird.
Sometimes...
knowing that you're pulling for me...
It's the only thing that keeps me going.
Hey...
we're gonna get through this.
Okay?
We'll get through it together.
What do you mean you're not doing it?
I mean I'm done helping this kid.
Why?
Did something happen?
Oh, something's gonna happen.
Well, can't it just wait till after the holidays?
No, it can't.
Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough of the guy.
Oh, sounds like there's a low-grade relationship issue brewing.
Very high-grade.
It's level five.
What's your problem?
There is no problem.
I'm just not humiliating myself tonight.
Wh...?
You're quitting?
This is bad news.
Great news.
So, Neil Roberts cleared the fund-raiser with the board.
Julie and I talked to the Newpsies.
We're all set for tonight.
You were right.
This is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever.
I gotta go set up.
That was remarkable timing-- my mom right there.
Oy, humbugs.
Well, sweetheart, I have to say, your mom taught you well.
She used to spend hours picking out a tree.
Seeing how dry the pines were.
Hmm, if it's dry say goodbye.
How much sap was on the bark.
Sticky, but critical.
And how the tree looked with all of your presents underneath it.
Anything with presents for me looks good.
Hey, Dad?
What, baby?
Why did Mom leave?
Well, I mean I was only 13 years old.
Your mom...
Well, she just didn't like it here with me, I guess.
I remember when you told me the news.
I think that was the worse day of my life.
I know and you were already upset with me 'cause I didn't let you go to Luke Ward's birthday party.
Really?
Yeah, you had already RSVP'd to some other engagement.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Not that it mattered.
You didn't come out of your room for three days.
When you found out...
you cried.
But we've done okay?
Yeah.
And your stepmother, she's very sweet on you.
That's because she's medicated.
I'm sorry.
I just miss Mom sometimes.
I know.
Me, too.
I've got rounds.
I won't be long.
Okay.
Seth.
Dr.
Roberts.
Did you see that?
That was a breakthrough moment for us.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
It's just the holidays can be hard, you know?
Yeah, can I help?
You already have.
Hey, thanks for meeting me.
Of course.
After last night, you really talked me off the ledge.
Yeah.
I kinda wanted to talk about last night.
I just feel weird about what happened.
Nothing happened.
I mean, well, there was a definite vibe.
That I like you?
It's not a vibe.
It's the truth.
Which I've already shared with you.
Unintentionally, but...
you still seem to want to hang out.
I do...
I just...
I wanna stay friends.
Can we...
start over?
Yeah, of course.
I just...
I mean, I kinda need to know that everything's okay with you.
My knee's screwed up and I give off a vibe, but other than that.
I mean, what were you doing last night?
'Cause I saw you out here with this guy and...
Look, I thought we just made peace.
I told you I'm taking care of things.
What does that mean?
It means...
don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
Let's just leave it at that, okay?
Hey, kid.
You mind turning off the TV?
I don't really feel like talking.
Aw, that's good, 'cause I do.
You can listen.
That's right.
It's time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech.
Look, Sandy, I've got my reasons.
I'm sure you do.
Just like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this crazy thing.
Sorry I let you down.
Well, it's not just me.
There's also Kirsten.
She has her heart set on it.
And the hospital-- they're all excited about it.
And your friend Johnny, who-- whatever he's done-- he could really use your help.
You can still have the event.
Just do it without me.
Well, that'd be missing the point.
The whole thing about a bar mitzvah is it's about becoming a man.
Not that you aren't one already.
But, if there were ever a time for an adult moment, this is it.
Whatever's going on, set it aside until after tonight.
I'd really be swallowing my pride.
I'm not saying it tastes good, but-- Gotta do the right thing.
Yeah, feels like I do that a lot.
That's 'cause, Ryan Atwood, you're a mensh.
And after tonight, I'm gonna tell you what that means.
Gosh dammit.
Julie, what are you doing?
We're supposed to be setting up?
Yeah, right.
Well, I just felt like telling overdressed, oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel any better.
And I thought we were doing this for charity.
Well, of course.
It's just, I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore.
It's not like I can have them over for Pop-tarts and cockfights.
You're avoiding Marissa, aren't you?
I had no problem keeping other secrets from her.
Julie, tell her the truth.
She's your daughter.
It's the holidays.
You should be together.
You're right.
I'll go over there this evening and do it.
I haven't heard from you all day.
Been studying.
Big night tonight.
Well, I thought we were gonna have dinner last night.
I had a lot of Old Testament to cover.
Well, I haven't heard you use that one before.
That's probably good anyway.
How is that good?
Because if you had shown up you might've seen me and Johnny and it might've seemed like something it wasn't.
I saw you guys.
I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time.
Yeah, well nothing happened.
I promise.
We were just talking.
Looked like more than that.
He's in bad shape.
I'm worried about him.
Well, I'm starting to be, too.
What is this thing you have?
What thing?
Always helping these kinds of guys.
What...
the wounded loner types?
Sometimes they turn out to be good guys.
I don't have feelings for Johnny.
I'm just worried about him.
I think he might be up to something dangerous.
Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type.
Yeah, well, he's scared.
And desperate.
What do you think it is?
I don't know.
I mean, dealing drugs?
We're just so close to helping him.
All right.
All right, I'll talk to him.
And, uh...
I'll see you tonight.
So how's Johnny doing?
You know, first his girlfriend, then the accident.
I just don't know what he would do without all you guys.
Well that's what friends are for, right?
Is he...?
Yeah, his room's just down the hall.
Thanks.
Johnny?
Hey, man.
Ryan?
Hey, uh, I'll just be a minute.
Yeah.
Take your time.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Sorry to show up unannounced.
Um...
no prob.
Is everything cool?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, I'm just trying to, uh...
trying to get you to come to this party.
It's not still for me, right?
No, no, no, no.
We found a different cause.
I'm, um...
I'm getting bar mitzvahed.
You'd have to know Seth better.
Well, um, thanks for the invite, man, but I've got some stuff to do, so...
It'll be fun.
You could use some fun.
Um...
I really can't.
Sure you can.
Everyone wants to see you.
Whatever you're doing, it can wait, right?
Um...
Okay, I just gotta get ready.
I've be five minutes.
Great.
I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of a lot of people.
Hey, man.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Look at all them signatures.
Attendance is amazing.
So, Cohen, no one came to your bar mitzvah?
Uh, not no one.
The nanna came.
Uh, Rabbi Gutterman swung by after the ceremonies.
That is so sad.
Well, apparently me in a yarmulke was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants.
Hey, the photographer has summoned us for our family photos.
And Ryan, our orthodontist has offered to take your braces off for the big day.
Ah, he couldn't have done that for me?
Don't let him out of your sight, okay?
You're okay with that?
Yeah, well, till I can figure out what he's up to.
Julie, look at you.
Whoa.
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Come on in.
Thank you.
I haven't been here in so many years.
I forgot how majestic your home is.
Well, luckily there are a lot of aging vain people in this town.
Is Marissa here?
I was hoping to catch up with her.
No, she already left for the event.
Oh, well.
Just as well I suppose.
Would you like a drink?
Well, I think Marissa's a great girl.
She's very good for Summer.
Gives her an ally in the house when I'm working.
Well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage, either.
But, hopefully, I'll have her out of your hair soon.
Remodel's almost finished.
Little white lies we tell our kids.
Excuse me?
Well, I've been telling Summer that everything is great, too.
Truth is I'm looking down the barrel of divorce number two.
Oh, Neil, I'm so sorry.
No, don't be.
The way my wife self-medicates, she could be a pharmacist.
Been miserable for years.
I live in a trailer park.
If only I could say that to Marissa.
Sometimes it's okay to keep our kids out of harm's way.
I just feel terrible lying to her.
We've come so far.
You're remodeling your life.
It's all about how you slice it.
Yes, well, you are the surgeon.
Do you have any interest in a party?
It's nice to see you again.
Ryan, over here please.
Everybody, eyes right to the lens.
Terrific.
Let me show you to your seats.
I was born to usher.
Marissa, come join us.
You're practically family.
I think technically she is.
Over here, everybody.
One, two.
Great, let's just have one with the bar mitzvah boy.
I'll be right back.
How are you good people of Newport Beach?
Welcome to the first and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah bar mitzvakkah; a charity event for the Robbins Heights Hospital.
Johnny's gone.
What?
Yeah, I lost him.
I don't know how, but he can't be far.
Okay, all right.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
I hope you find it entertaining and enlightening.
And if not, we've thrown in a big party for good measure.
Now the young man who will soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood.
Now, I'm sure some of you have heard of him, but none of you have seen him like this.
Let's here it for Ryan Atwood.
Go, do something.
You gotta...
No, no.
I am not reliving this.
Once was horrible enough.
Okay, come on.
Stop.
Please?
Seth Cohen.
Hello.
Uh, Ryan, forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back.
Ryan doesn't wear glasses.
He does when he's reading from right to left.
And so that is how I came up with Chrismukkah.
Because you can't have "Chris" without a little "Mukkah."
Huh?
Who here is familiar with the story of Hanukkah?
No?
No, Red Sea pedestrians?
Okay, well, today's your lucky day.
Because, Summer Roberts will please join me on stage?
Summer Roberts.
Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please?
She's gonna be portraying the part of Juna Macavee.
And Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil.
Ooh, I hope I didn't give away the ending.
We're closing up.
Hey, man.
Ryan.
We're closing up.
Yeah, sorry.
Uh, can I get a pack of Marlboros and a lottery ticket?
I'm feeling lucky.
Come here.
What are you doing here?
I could ask you the same thing.
I'm handling this, man.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Great plan.
I don't see any holes in it at all.
I have no choice.
Of course you do.
It doesn't have to be like this.
Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
You said if anyone would understand it'd be me.
Well, you're right.
So listen.
Sometimes you gotta let the rich people help you.
We'll take care of the surgery.
Let us help.
We should go.
I've got a lot of people waiting for me.
# And when it's dry and ready # # Oh, dreidel, I will play # Now everybody join in.
# Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel # # I made it out of...
# They don't really like our songs.
Why don't you let Coop and I handle this?
If you know what I mean.
Ready?
# Deck the halls with boughs of holly # # Fa, la, la, la, la, la-la, la, la # # 'Tis the season to be jolly # # Fa, la, la, la, la, la-la, la, la # # Don we now our gay apparel...
# Our bar mitzvah boy is here, Ryan Atwood.
Where were you?
I think figuring out what a mensh is?
They're all yours.
Thanks.
Okay, sorry to keep you guys waiting.
So...
we are all gathered here for an honorary bar mitzvah.
But, um....
but I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for a mitzvah the Cohens performed for me.
See, mitzvah means any act of human kindness.
And, well, that's really what we're here to celebrate.
So, if you'd open your programs and turned the page two...
Mazel tov, kid.
Thank you, sir.
Come here, come here.
We're so proud.
You're finally a man now.
They're playing your song.
Yeah, yeah.
Cohen?
I think that I've owed you this dance for, like, five years.
Well, better late than never.
Uh, Ryan, this is a song about friendship.
I'll see you out there.
All right?
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me a second.
Hey.
This is the moment Seth's been waiting for.
He finally has some friends.
Sure.
Uh, hang on.
Friends?
Friends.
Hey.
Hey.
Actually this is kinda lame.
Hi, Kirsten.
Julie.
You look lovely.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Sandy.
Doctor.
Good to see you.
Dad!
Hey, what are you doing here?
It's the holidays.
I needed a break.
Well, come dance with us.
Come.
Excuse me.
Hey.
Dr.
Roberts.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Friends?
Friends.
Marissa.
Hey.
Hey.
I come in peace.
Hey, it's the holidays.
It's nice to see you.
What did I tell you?
Best Chrismukkah ever.
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss www.forom.com -
My dad really loves me.
So he's gonna really like you.
I have to tell you something.
I just want you to know the truth.
I think I'm in love with you.
So, Summer Roberts, you saved Chrismukkah.
Chrismukkah.
Well, that must be a lot of fun for you.
Yeah, well, you know, we have fun with it.
Nope!
Nope!
Look at the branch spacing.
It's like Swiss cheese.
And these stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments.
So that's a pass then?
Why not?
We've been here three hours.
Hey, get in the spirit, man.
It's Chrismukkah and I love Chrismukkah.
So we've heard.
Seriously, the best thing I've ever done.
Every Jewish boy wants Christmas.
I gave myself that.
Well, what's the equivalent?
What does every Christian kid want?
Easy, a bar mitzvah.
I've never wanted one.
Well, that's just 'cause you don't know better.
Oh.
Coop, let's look over here.
Again?
Yes.
Seriously, I think you should really consider it.
What, a bar mitzvah?
Yeah, you've brought some much needed "Chris" to the Cohens.
But I think you could really use a little "mukkah."
Mm, I don't think so.
It's tough talk from a guy that eats a lot of bagels.
Oh, you think Johnny would like that tree?
Johnny?
Johnny who?
Johnny Harper, Johnny?
Johnny, the one "let's take time off, just be friends because I'm in love with you" Johnny?
It's just, I feel bad.
I mean, it's the holidays and he's all alone laid up with his knee.
I don't know, Cooper-Scooper.
That's a bad nickname.
And, besides, I already talked about it with Ryan.
And he's cool with everything.
It's just a tree.
Okay.
But I get to pick it out.
Everything cool with you and Marissa?
Yep, we had a really good talk.
Mm-hmm, the whole Johnny thing?
There is no Johnny thing.
I mean, there is, but not for her.
Anyway, it's the holidays.
I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind.
Hey, so we found a great tree for Johnny's house.
Did you now?
Yeah, well, I figured he could use some holiday cheer.
I think that's a good idea.
Come on.
And what do you think, Cohen?
My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble.
Hey!
Oh, hey.
Marissa.
If you're looking for Johnny, it's probably not the best time.
Is everything okay?
Who is it, Ma?
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Brought you a little something for the holidays.
It only took Summer five hours to pick it out.
Thanks, that really nice of you guys.
That is nice.
Here, let me.
Yeah.
I'll be inside.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Um...
just...
we got a call from the doctor.
Something wrong with the surgery?
There's not gonna be a surgery.
Apparently, my mom's insurance doesn't cover it so...
So he's not gonna do the operation?
He would...
if we could pay for it.
So I guess I'm gonna have to get used to living here a little while longer.
Sorry, man.
It's cool.
You know, I was kinda getting sick of surfing anyway.
Thanks for the tree.
I'll see ya.
Yeah.
I think he really liked the tree.
Hey.
I tell ya the air is crisp.
It must be 70 degrees out there.
The kids are not back yet with the tree?
Oh, not yet.
Seth said they'll be awhile.
I'm just pulling out stockings and menorahs and Yarma Claus.
All the Chrismukkah trimmings.
Remember when Seth made him this?
It feels like forever ago.
What feels like forever ago...
is when my mom and I made this.
My dad claimed it was his favorite.
Always demanded that he got to hang it.
It's your first holiday without him.
And the last one with the boys in the house.
Merry Chrismukkah, huh?
Well, luckily, Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday.
It's just that this year it just feels like it's flying by so fast, Sandy.
And I just feel adrift.
Well, you've got your business with Julie.
Hey, you want to feel better about your own life, hanging out with Julie Cooper is a great way to begin.
I should check in on her.
See how she's doing.
You mark my words-- this will be the best Chrismukkah ever.
You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Well, it just means you'll miss him less when he's gone.
You guys, we have to do something.
We need a Chrismukkah miracle.
Oh.
Right.
A Chrismukkah miracle, that's what I do.
Okay.
Um...
How 'bout if we...
No.
No.
What if...?!
No.
I know!
Stu-pid.
I can actually see the wheels turning.
Well, how much can surgery be?
It's a few grand at least.
If any of you were even remotely Jewish, I would just say we could pool our bar mitzvah money, but...
Holy crap, that's it.
What's it?
N...
oh, n-n-n-n-no.
Yes.
No way, dude.
Yes way, dude.
No.
Yes way, dude.
I'm sorry.
I can't.
I won't.
Will.
I'm not having it.
Having what?
A bar mitzvah.
Ryan gets bar mitzvahed.
Now that is funny.
Yeah, see?
Summer's laughing.
No, that's just gas.
Now listen...
Hey!
this wouldn't be an ordinary bar mitzvah.
You know what this would be?
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
A Chrismukkah bar mitzvahkah.
Spell that, dude.
That's crazy.
Yeah?
So crazy it just might work.
So, we throw a big party...
And Ryan gets the money from the bar mitzvah?
And then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery.
So how's this gonna work?
Am I just gonna stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?
You chant.
And hell yes.
What kind of centerpieces should we get?
I don't know.
Band or DJ?
A DJ with dancers.
Yeah.
I like the Pussycat Dolls.
Oh, my God, you're serious.
We can get so many cool things.
We can get Herkel the Jewish Clown.
Herkel?
DJ Goldsteinberger.
I told you guys I'm not going to your Christmas party.
Even if you are deep frying a ham.
Well, deep fried ham sounds delicious.
Kirsten, um...
I thought we weren't doing any business until after the new year?
I didn't come here for business.
Oh, just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh?
I came to see how you were.
I'm great.
Some of the neighbors are having cock fights in an hour using stray dogs.
It's a holiday tradition.
My money's on the feisty weimaraner.
Good.
'Cause I'm awful.
I'm spitting Skoal into a can, drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed and living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put into reverse.
I'm beyond awful.
You're at least gonna spend the holidays with Marissa, right?
You know, we were, but the Four Seasons in Maui is booked.
Haven't told her?
What, that her mom's now a Jeff Foxworthy fan?
She thinks our new oceanfront condo is undergoing a remodel.
Julie, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna let her have her fun.
And I will be miserable.
Well, misery loves company.
Hey.
Hi.
Dr.
Roberts.
Hello.
Hi, how are you?
I'm good, Seth.
How are you?
Great.
I'm with your daughter so, how could I not be great?
Plus the Angels won.
Looking pretty good this year, hmm?
Baseball season ended months ago, Seth.
But the market is up.
Yes?
No?
It's a good time for the market?
Yes?
No?
It's good.
It's bad?
It's a bad time for the market.
Cohen?
Why don't you go comb out Princess Sparkle's tail.
I know that relaxes you.
What?
Summer, what are you...?
What are you talking about?
I would never...
Is the comb where I left it?
Yeah.
Okay.
How are you, sweetheart?
Oh, I'm good.
I just had a trial run at the Christmas tree lot.
I helped pick out the Cohens' tree.
Oh, is what's her name around?
I thought maybe we could all go later and pick out ours?
Your stepmother?
She's out of town.
She's meeting with the maharishi in New Delhi.
She wants to get centered for the new year.
So, when she's here she's not really here, but now she's really not here?
We have each other.
And I've got a ton of work.
Well, can't tummy tucks wait?
It's the holidays.
Aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us?
I'm too busy.
I really haven't had the chance to be bummed.
I've got to be off to the O.R.
When you want to get that tree, you just let me know.
Bye, Dad.
He hasn't moved all day.
Johnny, your friends are here.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Hey.
This is when me and Chili went down to Costa Rica.
It was the greatest trip of my life.
Now it's the most depressing.
Well, we have some good news.
Yeah?
I could use some of that.
Yeah, well, you're gonna have the surgery.
Yeah, we're gonna throw a party.
Well, a fund raiser.
I mean, we have them all the time so it's not really a big deal.
But everyone in Newport usually comes.
Yeah, we'll raise the money.
So, I'm like a charity case now?
No, it's not like that.
The rich people pay for the poor kid.
How's it not like that?
We're trying to help.
I appreciate that.
But I've always taken care of myself.
Okay, all right.
But now is not the time to be proud.
Hey, man, if anyone should understand...
Look, thanks, but, no, thanks, all right?
I should probably lay down.
My knee's killing me.
Thanks for stopping by.
I don't care.
Ryan's still getting a bar mitzvah.
Come on, the whole point was to help Johnny.
Maybe, uh, to you, but do any of you remember my bar mitzvah?
Wait, wasn't that Luke's birthday?
We played paint ball.
That was so much fun.
Yeah, that was fun.
Apparently for the entire 13-year-old population of Orange County.
None of whom happened to swing by Temple Beth'el that day.
But you know what?
Now, I'm gonna get a do-over.
I just wish he'd let us help him.
Well, he doesn't want to be our charity case.
Poor guy.
Slight of build and on crutches.
He's kind of like our very own Tiny Tim.
He was pretty upset yesterday.
But he'd just gotten the news so...
Yeah, maybe if he just thinks about it he'll change his mind.
Exactly.
So, it's on.
All right, well, you guys keep working on it.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
All right.
Meet you at the diner.
Bye.
We only have one hurdle left before you become a man.
A bar mitzvah for Ryan?
Ooh, it just makes me feel all tingly hearing you say it.
Do you have any idea how offensive this is?
I'm not trying to offend, just help.
Well, you've gotta be Jewish to be bar mitzvahed.
Let's just start there.
Why are you guys doing this?
Our friend, Johnny, he can't afford knee surgery.
It's like a fund-raiser.
Which is where we need you, Mom.
It's a sacred religious event.
A tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments.
I'm sorry and that's a problem with the Jews right there.
We have no concept of marketing.
You're on thin ice.
Now, listen to me, a long time ago, Mom's team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers and snowmen and Tim Allen movies.
And I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday.
The birth of Christ?
I'd say so.
You betcha.
Well, now, the bar mitzvah is our greatest export possibility.
It's got huge crossover potential.
It's an honorary bar mitzvah.
It's a Christmas-kah bar mitzvah-kah.
I like it.
And they're helping their friend.
But we need your blessing.
That's right.
The club is throwing a holiday party anyway.
We'll hijack it.
We'll just tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital.
Sandy, it could be really fun.
It's honorary.
Hey.
Minimal Hebrew.
Which I'm fine with.
No tallis, no Hallel.
No Tefillin.
Hey, as long as people are dancing to "YMCA" and handing over envelopes of cash, we're in.
Then so are we.
Mazel Tov, buddy.
Hey, what are you doing?
Solitaire.
Are you winning?
There's nothing worse than losing to yourself, huh?
You got some time to talk?
Actually, I'm kinda busy.
I can see that.
No, I'm serious.
What's your problem, Johnny?
I mean, you don't want help from anyone?
Or you just don't want help from me?
My problem is my problem.
I'm sorry.
I've gotta take this.
I can wait.
It's private.
Hey...
actually it's not a good time.
You know what?
It's fine.
I'll go.
Marissa...
Sorry, okay?
Yeah, sure, I can meet you.
I can't believe this is you.
Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward.
I know.
No, but-but seriously.
You went out in public like this?
It's one of the unfortunate truths of the bar mitzvah, Ryan.
It's the most awkward time in a young, Jewish boy's life.
But also the most photographed.
Hmm...
Is there a videotape, too?
You have to kill me first.
Hey...
My archery award from Camp Takahalmac, my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade, my diorama of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings...
There we go.
This is the CD I trained with.
Rabbi Gutterman, he does a lovely job.
And very easy for you to mimic.
Ooh, I don't know if I can do this, man.
It'll be over before you know it.
Listen, you just chant a little Torah, you dance a little horah and then we're golden.
As soon as you hear "That's What Friends Are For" you're done.
That song's Jewish?
It mind as well be.
It's a staple of every bar mitzvah.
It's you and all your friends, your arms around each other, swaying.
It's awesome.
I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party?
It's hypothetically awesome.
But tomorrow we're gonna rewrite history.
Well, I guess I should go study.
And then I gotta meet up with Marissa...
Hey!
No slacking with the lady, okay?
You got 24 hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament...
And humiliate myself in front of the whole town.
It's better than humiliating yourself in front of no one.
Trust me.
Oh, Julie, this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues.
We're throwing a party.
It's called a bar mitzvah-kah which sounds delightful.
Seth is definitely one of a kind.
But how's this gonna work?
We raise a little money for the hospital.
They throw in an arthroscopic surgery.
And they're gonna go for that?
Julie Cooper?
Hi, doctor.
Have we met?
Well, I certainly hope so.
Your daughter's living at my house.
Oh, Neil, I didn't even recognize you.
Hi, Neil.
How are you?
I'm good, Kirsten.
Busy.
Well, I should thank you again for letting Marissa live with you.
Oh, there's no need to thank me.
I know how unnerving a remodel can be.
Uh, do you know where the administrator's office is?
Dr.
Singh?
What do you want with that crank?
We're throwing a little fund-raiser for the hospital.
He's definitely not the guy to see about a party.
Besides, he's in the Bahamas.
You're kidding?
But maybe I can help you.
I'm head of plastic surgery and I'm on the board.
Yes...
well...
It's called a bar mitzvah-kah.
I like to introduce you to my father-in-law.
And here's the nana, my mother.
Well, hello.
My father-in-law, Caleb Nichol.
Shalom.
Hey, Seth.
You wanna dance, sweetheart?
This song is called "That's What Friends Are For."
It's for your friends.
Well, we're your friends.
This is my funeral, not my bar mitzvah.
No one showed up.
And you said Summer Roberts was coming.
She RSVP'd.
So did a lot of kids.
I hate it here.
Ow.
What's wrong honey?
My rapid pallet expander is killing me.
Hey, Portnoy, how's it going?
Ah, I gotta meet Marissa.
I'm late.
Lost track of time.
That's the Torah for you right there.
Once you start unscrolling it's really hard to stop.
I'm a dead man tomorrow by the way.
Yeah, well, listen, in all seriousness, I think it's pretty great what you're doing for Johnny, considering everything.
Yeah, maybe it'll make me a saint.
Jews don't believe in saints, just really good stand-up comics.
Hey, I'm waiting for someone.
It'll just be a minute.
Hey, Johnny.
Are you okay?
Not really.
Hey, look, you're gonna get better.
If I don't...
my whole life I've dreamt of one thing.
I was so close to making that happen.
It was gonna change my life.
That can still happen.
I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you.
I know I've made things weird.
Sometimes...
knowing that you're pulling for me...
It's the only thing that keeps me going.
Hey...
we're gonna get through this.
Okay?
We'll get through it together.
What do you mean you're not doing it?
I mean I'm done helping this kid.
Why?
Did something happen?
Oh, something's gonna happen.
Well, can't it just wait till after the holidays?
No, it can't.
Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough of the guy.
Oh, sounds like there's a low-grade relationship issue brewing.
Very high-grade.
It's level five.
What's your problem?
There is no problem.
I'm just not humiliating myself tonight.
Wh...?
You're quitting?
This is bad news.
Great news.
So, Neil Roberts cleared the fund-raiser with the board.
Julie and I talked to the Newpsies.
We're all set for tonight.
You were right.
This is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever.
I gotta go set up.
That was remarkable timing-- my mom right there.
Oy, humbugs.
Well, sweetheart, I have to say, your mom taught you well.
She used to spend hours picking out a tree.
Seeing how dry the pines were.
Hmm, if it's dry say goodbye.
How much sap was on the bark.
Sticky, but critical.
And how the tree looked with all of your presents underneath it.
Anything with presents for me looks good.
Hey, Dad?
What, baby?
Why did Mom leave?
Well, I mean I was only 13 years old.
Your mom...
Well, she just didn't like it here with me, I guess.
I remember when you told me the news.
I think that was the worse day of my life.
I know and you were already upset with me 'cause I didn't let you go to Luke Ward's birthday party.
Really?
Yeah, you had already RSVP'd to some other engagement.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Not that it mattered.
You didn't come out of your room for three days.
When you found out...
you cried.
But we've done okay?
Yeah.
And your stepmother, she's very sweet on you.
That's because she's medicated.
I'm sorry.
I just miss Mom sometimes.
I know.
Me, too.
I've got rounds.
I won't be long.
Okay.
Seth.
Dr.
Roberts.
Did you see that?
That was a breakthrough moment for us.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
It's just the holidays can be hard, you know?
Yeah, can I help?
You already have.
Hey, thanks for meeting me.
Of course.
After last night, you really talked me off the ledge.
Yeah.
I kinda wanted to talk about last night.
I just feel weird about what happened.
Nothing happened.
I mean, well, there was a definite vibe.
That I like you?
It's not a vibe.
It's the truth.
Which I've already shared with you.
Unintentionally, but...
you still seem to want to hang out.
I do...
I just...
I wanna stay friends.
Can we...
start over?
Yeah, of course.
I just...
I mean, I kinda need to know that everything's okay with you.
My knee's screwed up and I give off a vibe, but other than that.
I mean, what were you doing last night?
'Cause I saw you out here with this guy and...
Look, I thought we just made peace.
I told you I'm taking care of things.
What does that mean?
It means...
don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
Let's just leave it at that, okay?
Hey, kid.
You mind turning off the TV?
I don't really feel like talking.
Aw, that's good, 'cause I do.
You can listen.
That's right.
It's time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech.
Look, Sandy, I've got my reasons.
I'm sure you do.
Just like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this crazy thing.
Sorry I let you down.
Well, it's not just me.
There's also Kirsten.
She has her heart set on it.
And the hospital-- they're all excited about it.
And your friend Johnny, who-- whatever he's done-- he could really use your help.
You can still have the event.
Just do it without me.
Well, that'd be missing the point.
The whole thing about a bar mitzvah is it's about becoming a man.
Not that you aren't one already.
But, if there were ever a time for an adult moment, this is it.
Whatever's going on, set it aside until after tonight.
I'd really be swallowing my pride.
I'm not saying it tastes good, but-- Gotta do the right thing.
Yeah, feels like I do that a lot.
That's 'cause, Ryan Atwood, you're a mensh.
And after tonight, I'm gonna tell you what that means.
Gosh dammit.
Julie, what are you doing?
We're supposed to be setting up?
Yeah, right.
Well, I just felt like telling overdressed, oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel any better.
And I thought we were doing this for charity.
Well, of course.
It's just, I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore.
It's not like I can have them over for Pop-tarts and cockfights.
You're avoiding Marissa, aren't you?
I had no problem keeping other secrets from her.
Julie, tell her the truth.
She's your daughter.
It's the holidays.
You should be together.
You're right.
I'll go over there this evening and do it.
I haven't heard from you all day.
Been studying.
Big night tonight.
Well, I thought we were gonna have dinner last night.
I had a lot of Old Testament to cover.
Well, I haven't heard you use that one before.
That's probably good anyway.
How is that good?
Because if you had shown up you might've seen me and Johnny and it might've seemed like something it wasn't.
I saw you guys.
I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time.
Yeah, well nothing happened.
I promise.
We were just talking.
Looked like more than that.
He's in bad shape.
I'm worried about him.
Well, I'm starting to be, too.
What is this thing you have?
What thing?
Always helping these kinds of guys.
What...
the wounded loner types?
Sometimes they turn out to be good guys.
I don't have feelings for Johnny.
I'm just worried about him.
I think he might be up to something dangerous.
Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type.
Yeah, well, he's scared.
And desperate.
What do you think it is?
I don't know.
I mean, dealing drugs?
We're just so close to helping him.
All right.
All right, I'll talk to him.
And, uh...
I'll see you tonight.
So how's Johnny doing?
You know, first his girlfriend, then the accident.
I just don't know what he would do without all you guys.
Well that's what friends are for, right?
Is he...?
Yeah, his room's just down the hall.
Thanks.
Johnny?
Hey, man.
Ryan?
Hey, uh, I'll just be a minute.
Yeah.
Take your time.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Sorry to show up unannounced.
Um...
no prob.
Is everything cool?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, I'm just trying to, uh...
trying to get you to come to this party.
It's not still for me, right?
No, no, no, no.
We found a different cause.
I'm, um...
I'm getting bar mitzvahed.
You'd have to know Seth better.
Well, um, thanks for the invite, man, but I've got some stuff to do, so...
It'll be fun.
You could use some fun.
Um...
I really can't.
Sure you can.
Everyone wants to see you.
Whatever you're doing, it can wait, right?
Um...
Okay, I just gotta get ready.
I've be five minutes.
Great.
I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of a lot of people.
Hey, man.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Look at all them signatures.
Attendance is amazing.
So, Cohen, no one came to your bar mitzvah?
Uh, not no one.
The nanna came.
Uh, Rabbi Gutterman swung by after the ceremonies.
That is so sad.
Well, apparently me in a yarmulke was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants.
Hey, the photographer has summoned us for our family photos.
And Ryan, our orthodontist has offered to take your braces off for the big day.
Ah, he couldn't have done that for me?
Don't let him out of your sight, okay?
You're okay with that?
Yeah, well, till I can figure out what he's up to.
Julie, look at you.
Whoa.
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Come on in.
Thank you.
I haven't been here in so many years.
I forgot how majestic your home is.
Well, luckily there are a lot of aging vain people in this town.
Is Marissa here?
I was hoping to catch up with her.
No, she already left for the event.
Oh, well.
Just as well I suppose.
Would you like a drink?
Well, I think Marissa's a great girl.
She's very good for Summer.
Gives her an ally in the house when I'm working.
Well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage, either.
But, hopefully, I'll have her out of your hair soon.
Remodel's almost finished.
Little white lies we tell our kids.
Excuse me?
Well, I've been telling Summer that everything is great, too.
Truth is I'm looking down the barrel of divorce number two.
Oh, Neil, I'm so sorry.
No, don't be.
The way my wife self-medicates, she could be a pharmacist.
Been miserable for years.
I live in a trailer park.
If only I could say that to Marissa.
Sometimes it's okay to keep our kids out of harm's way.
I just feel terrible lying to her.
We've come so far.
You're remodeling your life.
It's all about how you slice it.
Yes, well, you are the surgeon.
Do you have any interest in a party?
It's nice to see you again.
Ryan, over here please.
Everybody, eyes right to the lens.
Terrific.
Let me show you to your seats.
I was born to usher.
Marissa, come join us.
You're practically family.
I think technically she is.
Over here, everybody.
One, two.
Great, let's just have one with the bar mitzvah boy.
I'll be right back.
How are you good people of Newport Beach?
Welcome to the first and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah bar mitzvakkah; a charity event for the Robbins Heights Hospital.
Johnny's gone.
What?
Yeah, I lost him.
I don't know how, but he can't be far.
Okay, all right.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
I hope you find it entertaining and enlightening.
And if not, we've thrown in a big party for good measure.
Now the young man who will soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood.
Now, I'm sure some of you have heard of him, but none of you have seen him like this.
Let's here it for Ryan Atwood.
Go, do something.
You gotta...
No, no.
I am not reliving this.
Once was horrible enough.
Okay, come on.
Stop.
Please?
Seth Cohen.
Hello.
Uh, Ryan, forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back.
Ryan doesn't wear glasses.
He does when he's reading from right to left.
And so that is how I came up with Chrismukkah.
Because you can't have "Chris" without a little "Mukkah."
Huh?
Who here is familiar with the story of Hanukkah?
No?
No, Red Sea pedestrians?
Okay, well, today's your lucky day.
Because, Summer Roberts will please join me on stage?
Summer Roberts.
Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please?
She's gonna be portraying the part of Juna Macavee.
And Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil.
Ooh, I hope I didn't give away the ending.
We're closing up.
Hey, man.
Ryan.
We're closing up.
Yeah, sorry.
Uh, can I get a pack of Marlboros and a lottery ticket?
I'm feeling lucky.
Come here.
What are you doing here?
I could ask you the same thing.
I'm handling this, man.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Great plan.
I don't see any holes in it at all.
I have no choice.
Of course you do.
It doesn't have to be like this.
Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
You said if anyone would understand it'd be me.
Well, you're right.
So listen.
Sometimes you gotta let the rich people help you.
We'll take care of the surgery.
Let us help.
We should go.
I've got a lot of people waiting for me.
# And when it's dry and ready # # Oh, dreidel, I will play # Now everybody join in.
# Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel # # I made it out of...
# They don't really like our songs.
Why don't you let Coop and I handle this?
If you know what I mean.
Ready?
# Deck the halls with boughs of holly # # Fa, la, la, la, la, la-la, la, la # # 'Tis the season to be jolly # # Fa, la, la, la, la, la-la, la, la # # Don we now our gay apparel...
# Our bar mitzvah boy is here, Ryan Atwood.
Where were you?
I think figuring out what a mensh is?
They're all yours.
Thanks.
Okay, sorry to keep you guys waiting.
So...
we are all gathered here for an honorary bar mitzvah.
But, um....
but I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for a mitzvah the Cohens performed for me.
See, mitzvah means any act of human kindness.
And, well, that's really what we're here to celebrate.
So, if you'd open your programs and turned the page two...
Mazel tov, kid.
Thank you, sir.
Come here, come here.
We're so proud.
You're finally a man now.
They're playing your song.
Yeah, yeah.
Cohen?
I think that I've owed you this dance for, like, five years.
Well, better late than never.
Uh, Ryan, this is a song about friendship.
I'll see you out there.
All right?
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me a second.
Hey.
This is the moment Seth's been waiting for.
He finally has some friends.
Sure.
Uh, hang on.
Friends?
Friends.
Hey.
Hey.
Actually this is kinda lame.
Hi, Kirsten.
Julie.
You look lovely.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Sandy.
Doctor.
Good to see you.
Dad!
Hey, what are you doing here?
It's the holidays.
I needed a break.
Well, come dance with us.
Come.
Excuse me.
Hey.
Dr.
Roberts.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Friends?
Friends.
Marissa.
Hey.
Hey.
I come in peace.
Hey, it's the holidays.
It's nice to see you.
What did I tell you?
Best Chrismukkah ever.
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss www.forom.com -