Show: Futurama - 12x4
{\an8}[♪ theme music playing] {\an8}I don't get why you brush your buggalo.
They have no hair.
{\an8}- Shh.
They don't know that.
Don't know what?
{\an8}They're just such beautiful creatures.
My parents own the largest herd on Mars.
{\an8}Where do you keep them all?
{\an8}O-M-Jah!
Don't know I missed them.
{\an8}We raise them for food, {\an8}but Betsy here, has been my pet since I was a kid.
{\an8}- That's why we not eat her.
[whimpers] {\an8}- Yet.
I don't know how I missed you either.
{\an8}Amy, you forget the best part of raising buggalo.
Bugfighting season.
Neat!
{\an8}Nobody's gonna fight sweet little Betsy, are they?
{\an8}No, no, females too wimpy.
Buggalo matadors only fight the males.
{\an8}[growling] {\an8}How do I keep missing these things?
{\an8}Nobody should be fighting any kind of buggalo.
{\an8}It's cruel and inhumanoid.
{\an8}Oh, please!
They're just brainless insects.
Really?
Because they have very large brain pans according to the brain-o-meter.
Big don't mean smart.
{\an8}Zoidberg's big, but he got the intelligence of a brine shrimp.
{\an8}Thank you, sir.
{\an8}It's not about intelligence.
{\an8}There's just something special about them.
[buggalo slurps] Ew.
Gross.
[chomps] After lunch, you all come downtown.
We kick off bugfighting season with the running of the buggalo.
Sounds dangerous.
Oh, no.
A couple of people get killed, not many.
Not dangerous at all.
People get killed, you say?
Four...
Five tops.
Plus some robots.
But mostly people, you say?
I'll do it.
Let's do it.
Let's run it.
You guys can't be serious.
Leela, you're not gonna participate in this, are you?
Uh...
How about we let this be your issue?
[♪ upbeat music playing] Welcome, spectators, runners, and coffin salesmen, to the annual running of the buggalo!
[crowd cheering] We got a great group of buggalo...
[growling] And a lazy-looking bunch of runners.
[all grumbling] So sign those liability waivers, say goodbye to your loved ones...
And run for your lives!
[crowd cheering] [Don Cunningham] And they're off and running.
Hello, splatter fans, Don Cunningham here.
The Red Planet will run red today, with the blood of its bravest heroes.
Also, their guts.
[panting] [snoring] [exclaiming] [panting] [gasps] Whew.
Ah!
Next time, watch where you're going.
[groans] [thuds] [Don] And the buggalo make the turn towards the Mars Vegas Strip, home of the $1.99 sub prime rib.
Come on!
Baby needs a new left hip.
Man!
I'm running out of steam.
Good thing that's not what I run on.
[gasps] [♪ romantic music playing] [panting] I'm Bender, baby.
What's your name?
Marquita Maria Christina Chiquita Alana Paloma Ramona Rosita...
Uh-huh.
Right.
...Catalina...
Okay.
Lupe Lunes Martes Miercoles Jueves Viernes Sabado Domingo.
Cat's got some moves.
He's very light on his feet for a two-ton robot.
I've never seen such beauty.
Do you have many more names?
Yes, many!
Veronica Helena Hermina...
Right.
Francesca Esperanza...
Okay.
Valentina Carmelita...
Keep going.
[groans] Leonora Lupita Isabella Juanita Teresa Sofia Mariana Benihana Bonita Nereida Guadalupe Alvarez.
Ah...
[Bender groans] No!
Where'd she go?
Oh!
I'll never see the love of my life again.
And even more tragic, she'll never see me again!
[sobbing] [Don] Another magnificent running of the buggalo has come to an end, along with many lives.
What a sick and unnecessary exercise and such a beautiful tradition.
[sighs] Excuse me, Señor Bender.
I'm Abner Doubledeal.
I know you.
You're the commissioner of the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.
And also every other league.
Plus I'm El Comisario of La Asociación de Bugfighting.
And I need you to be my new matador.
What happened to the old matador?
He retired.
I don't know.
It seems dangerous.
I mean, I know I'm great, but do you think I'm great enough?
Definitely not.
That's why you'll need to be trained by the greatest matador alive.
[gasps] Marquita Maria Christina et cetera?
I would die a thousand deaths to spend one minute with her.
[groans] Then you have chosen the right line of work.
[♪ Spanish music playing] Marquita's the best.
You'll wanna learn all her trademark moves.
Trademark infringement?
My specialty!
[snorting] [knife slashes] [crowd gasps] And Matador Marquita dispatches the honorable beast with utmost honor.
I've never seen so much honor, folks.
I just hope Marquita doesn't slip on all that honor.
Bender, I want you to meet your trainer.
Matador Marquita Maria Christina something something.
Comisario, if you can't remember a simple name, I'm not...
I remember it!
Chiquita Alana Paloma Ramona Rosita Carolina Lupe Lunes Marta...
Just train him to survive the season.
I gotta go.
The NFL's up for sale on Craigslist.
Valentina Carmelita Leonora...
You remember that from our brief meeting?
...Alvarez.
I pay close attention when things are about to get jiggy.
I, too, was struck by the thunderbolt of love at first sight.
But love must wait until you have studied the ways of the bugfighter.
First study, then jiggy?
Patience is the hallmark of the matador.
[groans] We shall begin with the most important element of bugfighting.
Stabbing?
Screaming?
Jigging?
Clothing.
[♪ Spanish music plays] Uh, you got anything slimming?
I want to give the buggalo as small a target as possible.
Sir, my family has been making matador outfits for seven generations.
So you're experienced?
My father died yesterday.
You're my first customer.
Honestly, most of our matador work is repairs.
Lots and lots of repairs.
[♪ Spanish music playing] [Marquita groans] [Marquita panting] Uh-uh.
Only if you survive your first bugfight.
And maybe gargle something.
In honor of Bender's first bugfight tomorrow, Buggalo Wings with Martian Valley Ranch.
Them's good eats.
I can't believe you're going through with this, Bender.
They're just innocent bugs.
And yet you're eating one right now.
No, I'm not.
This is Beyond Buggalo.
Yuck.
What's it made from, plant?
No.
Pork.
I never did like pigs.
Betsy want some porky-worky?
[slurping] Hey, why are you talking to her?
Dumb bugs can't understand anything.
Now, now, Leo, perhaps Amy has a point.
I brought my X-ray specs, so I can directly examine Betsy's brain.
[gasps] My word!
Amy is absolutely 100% wrong.
Buggalo heads are literally empty.
They have no brain whatsoever.
Maybe not, but Betsy's got emotional intelligence.
That's the stupidest kind of intelligence.
[♪ Spanish music playing] [crowd cheering] I love you, Bender.
{\an8}Shut up, señorita.
I know it.
{\an8}Marry me, Bender.
Then divorce me.
Man, this is my kind of sport.
[buggalo snarls] Oh, right.
The buggalo.
[growling] Yeah, you don't look so fierce.
Oh, that's new.
Bender.
Remember what I taught you.
Always smooth your compression socks.
Oh, right.
[growls] [all gasping] Oh, no!
My cerveza hat.
[grunting] And the crowd falls silent as one of their own faces mortal peril.
[people gasp] [screaming] Save him, Matador Bender!
They're on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear how I, Don Cunningham, describe the ensuing carnage.
[screaming] [crowd gasps] Fry!
No!
It's okay.
Five-second rule.
[crowd cheering] Astounding.
Matador Bender has won the audience over.
Fembots are tossing their dainties into the ring.
They're throwing their shiny metal asses at me?
{\an8}I love you, Bender.
{\an8}[Bender groans] [straining] The tension is excruciating.
You don't want to miss one second of this action, fans.
And now, a word from our sponsor.
As a matador, who may or may not still be alive, I know nothing's more annoying than a bugfight getting interrupted by a commercial.
{\an8}So upgrade now to ad-free Fulu Premium.
{\an8}The same old shows for an exciting new price.
{\an8}[dings] [grunting] [Don] Welcome back, fans.
What a beautiful afternoon at the arena, where Matador Bender is about to be shredded like tinfoil.
[whimpers] Bender, did I teach you nothing?
Kind of.
[crowd exclaiming] I'm dead if I can't magically pull a sword out of my ass.
Hey, wait!
[squelching] [crowd exclaims] I'm in my car now, on the way home.
But what's this?
I hear the crowd roaring behind me.
[crowd cheering] Matador Bender, in honor of your thrilling come-from-behind victory, I award you the head and carapace of your defeated rival.
In lieu of financial remuneration.
[crowd cheering] Ooh, this cart has buggalo legs.
You did well, Bender.
Of all the students I have ever taught, you are the one who is alive.
Hey, Marquita, let me ask you something, matador to matador. "
Hay" is for horses.
Go on.
Do you think it's possible buggalo really do have some kind of awareness?
Because when it looked me in the eye, I felt something.
Not something phony like love, something real.
Like the Force.
I too have felt such a thing.
But of course, it is impossible for a bug to feel the complex emotions we robots feel.
Speaking of complex emotions, how are you feeling about the jiggy we earlier discussed getting?
[snoring] [buggalo chittering] [sighs] It's a soothing sound, isn't it?
[exclaims] Amy!
You scared me brickless.
I was just tucking Betsy in.
Anyway, congrats.
I'm no bugfighting fan, but you must feel great after today.
I always feel great because I am.
But I also feel something else tonight.
Something I've never felt before.
Guilt?
Maybe.
I always wondered what guilt felt like.
Hey, uh, can I come in?
They're too dumb to know I killed their pal, right?
Probably.
Just stay away from Betsy.
[sighs] I'm sorry I killed your friend or uncle.
Or fruncle.
Can you forgive me?
[chittering] It really is such a soothing sound.
[buggalo growls] Bender.
Bender.
What?
Who's there?
Is that you, Fruncle Friender?
We are honored to share our sleeping space with you.
[gasps] You can talk?
Not as good as me can, but still...
Please make yourself comfortable in the place of honor, at the bottom of the sleeping pile.
Hang on.
I can't breathe.
Oh, right.
Robots don't breathe.
Actually, this is pretty cozy.
[exhales] [Bender snoring] [crowing] Guys, guys!
[gulps] What?
You're not gonna believe this, but something amazing happened.
The buggalo spoke to me.
That is amazing.
And we don't believe you.
Which buggalo spoke?
All of them!
Buggalo can be singular or plural.
I understand, Bender.
Buggalo cannot speak.
But sometimes, I feel as though they do.
But they don't.
They do not don't!
Tell her, Amy.
Uh, Bender, I think you may have taken me a little too literally.
Nuh-uh!
They're intelligent creatures.
I say the travesty of bugfighting must end once and for all.
Then it was nice having jiggy with you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must prepare for a bugfight.
Marquita, don't go!
Please!
She seems nice.
[♪ Spanish music playing] Poor things.
Don't worry, you'll be okay.
No, you won't.
I was lying.
I'm sorry!
Guys, guys, I've got a plan.
I'm gonna disguise myself as El Gran Buggalo and put a stop to this savagery.
I don't usually do the right thing, but I'll be ruining everyone's day, so it balances out.
Whoa, trippy.
Now, here's the idea.
Just at the key moment, I'll rip off my disguise and say...
[muffled chattering] That ought to convince them!
[Don] Today's match pits the greatest matador of her generation against the greatest buggalo of its.
You know him, you love him.
El Gran Buggalo.
Look how his legs barely move, as he glides effortlessly with all the majesty and grace of a dog on a skateboard.
Marquita, it's me.
Don't worry, I'm just gonna...
[muffled chattering] [Don] What's this?
El Gran Buggalo is up on his hind legs.
Is he trying to teach us a new dance?
[muffled chattering] [grunting] Man, this head is really stuck on tight.
Oh, crap.
Kill it already.
It's not getting any tastier just standing there.
[muffled chattering] And Matador Marquita moves in for the kill.
It's all over, folks.
This is Don "Beat the Traffic" Cunningham, signing off.
[crowd cheering] [Marquita grunts] [groans] Don't you people get it?
This buggalo is just an innocent...
Robot?
How did you get that off so easily?
[groans] [crowd gasps] Bender, no!
Are you in pain?
Marquita, my darling, I'm...
I'm okay.
Luckily, the sword just went through my head.
People of Mars, matadors, Don Cunningham...
[Fry] He went home!
Maybe buggalo really are brainless.
Maybe they don't feel any pain.
Maybe they don't suffer.
But even so, what does it say about us that we celebrate their bloody deaths?
Instead of celebrating death, should we not be celebrating life and love?
Bender, hear me now!
I love bugfighting.
You lousy tramp!
I ought to kick you.
But I love you more.
Okay, that's better.
Let us end this barbaric, yet noble, yet barbaric ritual once and for all.
[crowd cheering] Yet noble...
I guess you were right, Amy.
I'm proud of you.
You disinherited.
[clears throat] Buggalo fighting now banned forever.
[crowd cheering] But gambling is still legal.
Nothing wrong with gambling.
I brought mines with me.
Come, let us make the jiggy.
[people gasping] We are the buggalo.
[crowd gasping] What?
They can talk?
My word!
It seems that while each individual buggalo is brainless, their empty skulls form resonance chambers that allow large groups to assemble a hive mind.
The raisin man is correct.
We have consciousness and we feel emotions, fear, pain, suffering.
All the emotions.
But most of all, we have a deep love of buggalo fighting.
[crowd gasps] Say what?
Much of our culture is built around this ancient tradition.
It's not a very rich culture, we admit that.
We just like to eat grass and kill matadors.
But we refuse to forsake our noble traditions.
The fight must continue!
[buggalos grunting] I love you, Bender.
We shall die together with great honor.
I love you too, baby.
But, Bender, you said we was engaged!
No!
He swore his love to me!
And me!
Bender, are you two-timing me?
Two?
Nah, it's way more than that.
How did this happen and when?
Well, remember when I said I spent a whole night sleeping with the buggalo?
It was actually only part of a night.
And I didn't do much sleeping.
I call first gore.
[Bender whimpers] Well, I deserve this.
[Bender groaning] This has been Don Cunningham.
Good night, everybody.
[♪ Spanish music playing]
They have no hair.
{\an8}- Shh.
They don't know that.
Don't know what?
{\an8}They're just such beautiful creatures.
My parents own the largest herd on Mars.
{\an8}Where do you keep them all?
{\an8}O-M-Jah!
Don't know I missed them.
{\an8}We raise them for food, {\an8}but Betsy here, has been my pet since I was a kid.
{\an8}- That's why we not eat her.
[whimpers] {\an8}- Yet.
I don't know how I missed you either.
{\an8}Amy, you forget the best part of raising buggalo.
Bugfighting season.
Neat!
{\an8}Nobody's gonna fight sweet little Betsy, are they?
{\an8}No, no, females too wimpy.
Buggalo matadors only fight the males.
{\an8}[growling] {\an8}How do I keep missing these things?
{\an8}Nobody should be fighting any kind of buggalo.
{\an8}It's cruel and inhumanoid.
{\an8}Oh, please!
They're just brainless insects.
Really?
Because they have very large brain pans according to the brain-o-meter.
Big don't mean smart.
{\an8}Zoidberg's big, but he got the intelligence of a brine shrimp.
{\an8}Thank you, sir.
{\an8}It's not about intelligence.
{\an8}There's just something special about them.
[buggalo slurps] Ew.
Gross.
[chomps] After lunch, you all come downtown.
We kick off bugfighting season with the running of the buggalo.
Sounds dangerous.
Oh, no.
A couple of people get killed, not many.
Not dangerous at all.
People get killed, you say?
Four...
Five tops.
Plus some robots.
But mostly people, you say?
I'll do it.
Let's do it.
Let's run it.
You guys can't be serious.
Leela, you're not gonna participate in this, are you?
Uh...
How about we let this be your issue?
[♪ upbeat music playing] Welcome, spectators, runners, and coffin salesmen, to the annual running of the buggalo!
[crowd cheering] We got a great group of buggalo...
[growling] And a lazy-looking bunch of runners.
[all grumbling] So sign those liability waivers, say goodbye to your loved ones...
And run for your lives!
[crowd cheering] [Don Cunningham] And they're off and running.
Hello, splatter fans, Don Cunningham here.
The Red Planet will run red today, with the blood of its bravest heroes.
Also, their guts.
[panting] [snoring] [exclaiming] [panting] [gasps] Whew.
Ah!
Next time, watch where you're going.
[groans] [thuds] [Don] And the buggalo make the turn towards the Mars Vegas Strip, home of the $1.99 sub prime rib.
Come on!
Baby needs a new left hip.
Man!
I'm running out of steam.
Good thing that's not what I run on.
[gasps] [♪ romantic music playing] [panting] I'm Bender, baby.
What's your name?
Marquita Maria Christina Chiquita Alana Paloma Ramona Rosita...
Uh-huh.
Right.
...Catalina...
Okay.
Lupe Lunes Martes Miercoles Jueves Viernes Sabado Domingo.
Cat's got some moves.
He's very light on his feet for a two-ton robot.
I've never seen such beauty.
Do you have many more names?
Yes, many!
Veronica Helena Hermina...
Right.
Francesca Esperanza...
Okay.
Valentina Carmelita...
Keep going.
[groans] Leonora Lupita Isabella Juanita Teresa Sofia Mariana Benihana Bonita Nereida Guadalupe Alvarez.
Ah...
[Bender groans] No!
Where'd she go?
Oh!
I'll never see the love of my life again.
And even more tragic, she'll never see me again!
[sobbing] [Don] Another magnificent running of the buggalo has come to an end, along with many lives.
What a sick and unnecessary exercise and such a beautiful tradition.
[sighs] Excuse me, Señor Bender.
I'm Abner Doubledeal.
I know you.
You're the commissioner of the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.
And also every other league.
Plus I'm El Comisario of La Asociación de Bugfighting.
And I need you to be my new matador.
What happened to the old matador?
He retired.
I don't know.
It seems dangerous.
I mean, I know I'm great, but do you think I'm great enough?
Definitely not.
That's why you'll need to be trained by the greatest matador alive.
[gasps] Marquita Maria Christina et cetera?
I would die a thousand deaths to spend one minute with her.
[groans] Then you have chosen the right line of work.
[♪ Spanish music playing] Marquita's the best.
You'll wanna learn all her trademark moves.
Trademark infringement?
My specialty!
[snorting] [knife slashes] [crowd gasps] And Matador Marquita dispatches the honorable beast with utmost honor.
I've never seen so much honor, folks.
I just hope Marquita doesn't slip on all that honor.
Bender, I want you to meet your trainer.
Matador Marquita Maria Christina something something.
Comisario, if you can't remember a simple name, I'm not...
I remember it!
Chiquita Alana Paloma Ramona Rosita Carolina Lupe Lunes Marta...
Just train him to survive the season.
I gotta go.
The NFL's up for sale on Craigslist.
Valentina Carmelita Leonora...
You remember that from our brief meeting?
...Alvarez.
I pay close attention when things are about to get jiggy.
I, too, was struck by the thunderbolt of love at first sight.
But love must wait until you have studied the ways of the bugfighter.
First study, then jiggy?
Patience is the hallmark of the matador.
[groans] We shall begin with the most important element of bugfighting.
Stabbing?
Screaming?
Jigging?
Clothing.
[♪ Spanish music plays] Uh, you got anything slimming?
I want to give the buggalo as small a target as possible.
Sir, my family has been making matador outfits for seven generations.
So you're experienced?
My father died yesterday.
You're my first customer.
Honestly, most of our matador work is repairs.
Lots and lots of repairs.
[♪ Spanish music playing] [Marquita groans] [Marquita panting] Uh-uh.
Only if you survive your first bugfight.
And maybe gargle something.
In honor of Bender's first bugfight tomorrow, Buggalo Wings with Martian Valley Ranch.
Them's good eats.
I can't believe you're going through with this, Bender.
They're just innocent bugs.
And yet you're eating one right now.
No, I'm not.
This is Beyond Buggalo.
Yuck.
What's it made from, plant?
No.
Pork.
I never did like pigs.
Betsy want some porky-worky?
[slurping] Hey, why are you talking to her?
Dumb bugs can't understand anything.
Now, now, Leo, perhaps Amy has a point.
I brought my X-ray specs, so I can directly examine Betsy's brain.
[gasps] My word!
Amy is absolutely 100% wrong.
Buggalo heads are literally empty.
They have no brain whatsoever.
Maybe not, but Betsy's got emotional intelligence.
That's the stupidest kind of intelligence.
[♪ Spanish music playing] [crowd cheering] I love you, Bender.
{\an8}Shut up, señorita.
I know it.
{\an8}Marry me, Bender.
Then divorce me.
Man, this is my kind of sport.
[buggalo snarls] Oh, right.
The buggalo.
[growling] Yeah, you don't look so fierce.
Oh, that's new.
Bender.
Remember what I taught you.
Always smooth your compression socks.
Oh, right.
[growls] [all gasping] Oh, no!
My cerveza hat.
[grunting] And the crowd falls silent as one of their own faces mortal peril.
[people gasp] [screaming] Save him, Matador Bender!
They're on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear how I, Don Cunningham, describe the ensuing carnage.
[screaming] [crowd gasps] Fry!
No!
It's okay.
Five-second rule.
[crowd cheering] Astounding.
Matador Bender has won the audience over.
Fembots are tossing their dainties into the ring.
They're throwing their shiny metal asses at me?
{\an8}I love you, Bender.
{\an8}[Bender groans] [straining] The tension is excruciating.
You don't want to miss one second of this action, fans.
And now, a word from our sponsor.
As a matador, who may or may not still be alive, I know nothing's more annoying than a bugfight getting interrupted by a commercial.
{\an8}So upgrade now to ad-free Fulu Premium.
{\an8}The same old shows for an exciting new price.
{\an8}[dings] [grunting] [Don] Welcome back, fans.
What a beautiful afternoon at the arena, where Matador Bender is about to be shredded like tinfoil.
[whimpers] Bender, did I teach you nothing?
Kind of.
[crowd exclaiming] I'm dead if I can't magically pull a sword out of my ass.
Hey, wait!
[squelching] [crowd exclaims] I'm in my car now, on the way home.
But what's this?
I hear the crowd roaring behind me.
[crowd cheering] Matador Bender, in honor of your thrilling come-from-behind victory, I award you the head and carapace of your defeated rival.
In lieu of financial remuneration.
[crowd cheering] Ooh, this cart has buggalo legs.
You did well, Bender.
Of all the students I have ever taught, you are the one who is alive.
Hey, Marquita, let me ask you something, matador to matador. "
Hay" is for horses.
Go on.
Do you think it's possible buggalo really do have some kind of awareness?
Because when it looked me in the eye, I felt something.
Not something phony like love, something real.
Like the Force.
I too have felt such a thing.
But of course, it is impossible for a bug to feel the complex emotions we robots feel.
Speaking of complex emotions, how are you feeling about the jiggy we earlier discussed getting?
[snoring] [buggalo chittering] [sighs] It's a soothing sound, isn't it?
[exclaims] Amy!
You scared me brickless.
I was just tucking Betsy in.
Anyway, congrats.
I'm no bugfighting fan, but you must feel great after today.
I always feel great because I am.
But I also feel something else tonight.
Something I've never felt before.
Guilt?
Maybe.
I always wondered what guilt felt like.
Hey, uh, can I come in?
They're too dumb to know I killed their pal, right?
Probably.
Just stay away from Betsy.
[sighs] I'm sorry I killed your friend or uncle.
Or fruncle.
Can you forgive me?
[chittering] It really is such a soothing sound.
[buggalo growls] Bender.
Bender.
What?
Who's there?
Is that you, Fruncle Friender?
We are honored to share our sleeping space with you.
[gasps] You can talk?
Not as good as me can, but still...
Please make yourself comfortable in the place of honor, at the bottom of the sleeping pile.
Hang on.
I can't breathe.
Oh, right.
Robots don't breathe.
Actually, this is pretty cozy.
[exhales] [Bender snoring] [crowing] Guys, guys!
[gulps] What?
You're not gonna believe this, but something amazing happened.
The buggalo spoke to me.
That is amazing.
And we don't believe you.
Which buggalo spoke?
All of them!
Buggalo can be singular or plural.
I understand, Bender.
Buggalo cannot speak.
But sometimes, I feel as though they do.
But they don't.
They do not don't!
Tell her, Amy.
Uh, Bender, I think you may have taken me a little too literally.
Nuh-uh!
They're intelligent creatures.
I say the travesty of bugfighting must end once and for all.
Then it was nice having jiggy with you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must prepare for a bugfight.
Marquita, don't go!
Please!
She seems nice.
[♪ Spanish music playing] Poor things.
Don't worry, you'll be okay.
No, you won't.
I was lying.
I'm sorry!
Guys, guys, I've got a plan.
I'm gonna disguise myself as El Gran Buggalo and put a stop to this savagery.
I don't usually do the right thing, but I'll be ruining everyone's day, so it balances out.
Whoa, trippy.
Now, here's the idea.
Just at the key moment, I'll rip off my disguise and say...
[muffled chattering] That ought to convince them!
[Don] Today's match pits the greatest matador of her generation against the greatest buggalo of its.
You know him, you love him.
El Gran Buggalo.
Look how his legs barely move, as he glides effortlessly with all the majesty and grace of a dog on a skateboard.
Marquita, it's me.
Don't worry, I'm just gonna...
[muffled chattering] [Don] What's this?
El Gran Buggalo is up on his hind legs.
Is he trying to teach us a new dance?
[muffled chattering] [grunting] Man, this head is really stuck on tight.
Oh, crap.
Kill it already.
It's not getting any tastier just standing there.
[muffled chattering] And Matador Marquita moves in for the kill.
It's all over, folks.
This is Don "Beat the Traffic" Cunningham, signing off.
[crowd cheering] [Marquita grunts] [groans] Don't you people get it?
This buggalo is just an innocent...
Robot?
How did you get that off so easily?
[groans] [crowd gasps] Bender, no!
Are you in pain?
Marquita, my darling, I'm...
I'm okay.
Luckily, the sword just went through my head.
People of Mars, matadors, Don Cunningham...
[Fry] He went home!
Maybe buggalo really are brainless.
Maybe they don't feel any pain.
Maybe they don't suffer.
But even so, what does it say about us that we celebrate their bloody deaths?
Instead of celebrating death, should we not be celebrating life and love?
Bender, hear me now!
I love bugfighting.
You lousy tramp!
I ought to kick you.
But I love you more.
Okay, that's better.
Let us end this barbaric, yet noble, yet barbaric ritual once and for all.
[crowd cheering] Yet noble...
I guess you were right, Amy.
I'm proud of you.
You disinherited.
[clears throat] Buggalo fighting now banned forever.
[crowd cheering] But gambling is still legal.
Nothing wrong with gambling.
I brought mines with me.
Come, let us make the jiggy.
[people gasping] We are the buggalo.
[crowd gasping] What?
They can talk?
My word!
It seems that while each individual buggalo is brainless, their empty skulls form resonance chambers that allow large groups to assemble a hive mind.
The raisin man is correct.
We have consciousness and we feel emotions, fear, pain, suffering.
All the emotions.
But most of all, we have a deep love of buggalo fighting.
[crowd gasps] Say what?
Much of our culture is built around this ancient tradition.
It's not a very rich culture, we admit that.
We just like to eat grass and kill matadors.
But we refuse to forsake our noble traditions.
The fight must continue!
[buggalos grunting] I love you, Bender.
We shall die together with great honor.
I love you too, baby.
But, Bender, you said we was engaged!
No!
He swore his love to me!
And me!
Bender, are you two-timing me?
Two?
Nah, it's way more than that.
How did this happen and when?
Well, remember when I said I spent a whole night sleeping with the buggalo?
It was actually only part of a night.
And I didn't do much sleeping.
I call first gore.
[Bender whimpers] Well, I deserve this.
[Bender groaning] This has been Don Cunningham.
Good night, everybody.
[♪ Spanish music playing]