Show: Samantha Who? - 1x3
Miss Newly, this is Jenna and It's come to our attention that you've accidentally taken home a pair of our courtesy flip-flops, and, unless you return these and the last three...
Hi, this is Brian, met you at that party, and you tried on my hat.
Remember?
I said you looked cute in it, but that didn't mean you could keep it.
Fun fact about Samantha Newly, before my amnesia, everyone hated me...
except a few people, like these two: a childhood friend and, for some reason, my ex-boyfriend.
So...
I haven't seen you since we were at the hospital, hanging out, waiting for Sam to wake up out of her coma.
Yeah.
Good times, huh?
I told you I was pregnant in confidence!
Who does that to another person?
Rest assured, you'll be hearing from my lawyer!
They had to drain the entire pool!
You knew I was allergic to nuts...
Okay, I get it, I get it.
Record greeting.
I'm sorry!
Leave a message after the beep.
Transcript: Raceman Sync: BlueDoc I am just not gonna check the machine anymore.
I mean, if those people wanna find me, they can just hunt me down.
No, no, that's not good.
But those people don't know the new you.
I'm having a great time with you.
You know, hanging out...
Kickin'it...
BFFS!
Step off, beeyotch!
I'll cap yo' ass!
I've no idea where that just came from.
I just meant to say, "yes, me, too".
Ms.
Newly, the tailor dropped something off for you.
I'll get it.
So how did it happen, anyway?
I mean, how did how did you and I drift apart?
You know how it is with kids.
You know, one day, you're climbing in each other's bedroom windows late at night...
And sharing secrets and drinking cocoa.
Yeah...
You know, and the next day, one of you, stands up the other one at Mccorkle's beef grindery to...
go ice-skating with the eighth grade cheerleaders.
Dena, I'm really...
Don't say anything.
I'll just...
Call your machine.
Yeah.
Here you are.
Cool.
Althea's bridal!
It's a bridesmaid's dress.
I'm a bridesmaid?
I think so.
In a wedding?
I think so!
Who is this?
Did the did the tailor know?
Did they say anything at all?
Only that you should ignore the warning on the plastic bag.
Feel free to use it as a toy.
Where's all that mail that I brought back from Todd's?
It's on your bed.
Don't run in the house.
She's a bridesmaid!
In a wedding?
Yeah!
You mean someone liked her?
Yes, mother, it is possible, despite my upbringing.
Dena, look at this bathroom.
There's the bathroom that I want.
We don't need a new bathroom.
Ours is fine.
But we can afford it.
And I want one.
When we built this house, the plumbing was state-of-the-art.
Well, so was yours.
Things change.
I found it!
I found the invitation.
Valerie Bromquist and Trey Wells.
Who are they?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Well, I knew a Trevor Chadney once.
So you are cordially inved to...
Special lodging rates...
Salmon or beef...
Here.
Okay, the date is...
Of course!
It's today!
Well, you're never gonna make it, sweetheart.
Watch me.
Somebody likes me, and it is an honor to be asked, and I am not gonna let down my good friend Victoria.
Valerie.
Whatever.
It's at the Hyperion Hotel.
Gee, these people must be loaded.
Look at the wedding party rates.
That is really reasonable.
Holy cow, with with my hotel points, it's almost free.
I've always wanted to stay there.
Well, we have to stay there.
We can't afford not to.
Okay, then we're all gonna go.
But you gotta go, gotta go.
Get ready, get ready.
Okay, go!
Go!
All right, and, Dena, you're gonna be my date.
Me?
If I die tomorrow, I'll die a happy girl!
Unless it's from something painful...
Or slow, like being dragged by a train.
They haven't started yet.
All right, I'm gonna go try to find Veronica.
No, wait, wait.
Ve...
Vee...
Van...
Vancouver...
Valedictor...
Valerie!
Valerie.
All right, you go find a seat.
And, mom, dad, you two take the bags up and I'll see you later.
All right?
I don't know why you won't let a bellman help you with those.
No way.
That's how these places get ya.
What do I look like, some kinda...
Rube?
Todd.
Sam!
We were invited to this together.
God, that's so sweet of you to still come, but, you know, I brought Dena.
And...
This is so awkward...
For you.
I'm the photographer.
You got me this job.
What are you doing here?
Sam!
Andrea!
What are you doing here?
Why does everyone keep asking me that?
I am obviously in the wedding.
Ta-da...
Now come on.
I don't want to embarrass myself.
I need to find the bride, okay?
Get that bitch out of here.
I found her.
Disinvited?
But she likes me.
How could she disinvite somebody that she likes so much?
Oh, I don't know.
It might be because you started a little wedding pool on how long the marriage would last.
Well...
That's not very likable.
Ordinarily, I'd find it hilarious.
But I've spent way too much time getting in with Valerie to take your side.
What do you mean, "get in"?
Well, she's an old friend of yours, and I finally got you to introduce me.
Her family is loaded.
They have a yacht.
I want friends that have a yacht.
The fact that I was not disinvited when you were is a very positive sign.
In fact, you know, I probably shouldn't even be seen with you right now.
Okay, sorry, doll.
What?
Is the wedding over already?
We just ordered up an artisanal cheese plate.
No, we need to get our bags because we are leaving.
You mean quitting.
Dena, I'm not gonna stay somewhere where I'm not wanted.
It's not that hard.
You get used to it.
Hello?
Guess where I'm calling you from.
The bathroom.
The bathroom!
It's like the palace of Versailles in there heated floors.
Regina, we have to have heated floors.
We'll see.
Why don't you guys just stay and enjoy the room, and we'll just get a cab home?
Why are you leaving?
What did you do this time?
Why is it that you immediately assume that I've done something wrong?
I mean, I did do something wrong.
But was the old me, and now the new me has to leave.
Oh, honey, I wish I could just...
put my arms around you and make this whole thing go away.
But it might be easier for everyone if you just assumed a new identity.
Yeah, get yourself a wig, not a cheap one.
Can you do any accents?
What do you think of the name Rose Lafleur?
Okay, stop it.
She's not going anywhere.
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna run away every time you meet somebody that you hurt?
Spend five minutes with that Valerie, and she'll see that you're not the old you anymore.
'Cause I'm not, huh?
No, you're not!
No.
I'm not R.
Thank you, Dena.
Thank you.
You know what?
I'm gonna go down there, and I am gonna make Valerie understand that, and then I'm gonna make her forgive me, and then you and I are gonna rock this wedding, and we are gonna bring it.
We're gonna bring it!
And we are gonna rip it.
We're gonna rip it!
And we're gonna sock it to 'em.
That's all I got.
That's it.
That's all she's got.
Sex?
Well, we gotta hurry.
The cheese is coming.
Is this a bad time?
What are you still doing here?
Just wait.
Wait, okay?
I am so sorry about that wedding pool, but, you see, I don't know why I did it because...
I have amnesia.
Are you kidding me?
You used that same excuse four years ago when you crashed my Maserati.
Amnesia?
Yeah.
And you believed that?
Security!
No, please, just wait It's okay, it's okay.
I got it.
Come on.
Come on.
God.
What are you doing?
I am trying to apologize.
That's what I'm doing.
What's your angle?
My angle?
I don't know.
I just really wanna stay for dinner 'cause the salmon looks so tasty.
Because I've changed.
That's why, and I feel bad about what I did.
Bad?
Like, remorse?
Like, "normal people" bad?
Yes, Todd, like "normal people" bad.
And I'm not gonna give up until she sees, how thoughtful and considerate that I can be.
Daddy!
Wait, wait.
You know, it is possible she is sorry.
And you know how relentless she is, so if you don't want her at your honeymoon, just hear her out.
One minute.
Go.
Okay, thank you.
Listen...
Can we...
So are you buying this "new and improved" Sam?
Do you think she's changed?
Yes, I do.
That would be nice.
Remember that mean clerk at the hospital gift shop?
What was her deal?
What's she doing?
Apologizing.
What's her angle?
No angle.
Apologizing?
Crafty.
Just when you think she's gonna zig, she zags.
That's nice.
Sam?
I want you back in my wedding party.
You do?
I do, and you must sit at my table.
I must?
Come on, girls.
We have to fix our makeup for pictures.
See?
What did I say?
I told you not to quit.
So we're gonna sit at table...
Actually, I'm gonna be sitting at Valerie's table, so I'll just catch up with you later, okay?
And I come out of my tent to see Sam, halfway up the trail already, not a stitch of clothes on...
Never looked back.
I didn't have trouble getting a ride home, though.
Snake!
I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?
Yes!
God, if we were on a yacht right now, I'd fall overboard from laughing.
Chew this time.
I'm not gonna save you twice.
I went through all that bridesmaids crap so one time I wouldn't have to sit at the losers' table.
Then that one has to show back up again.
Yeah, that one.
I can wait, though.
It's happened before, and she always lets me back in eventually.
How do you know the bride?
She's my sister.
Hi...
I was just hoping I already sent them something.
You wanna dance?
I don't know.
What's your angle?
Yes!
Come on!
Among other things, I seem to have forgotten how to dance.
No, you're a you're a quick study.
Follow me.
Hey, I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?
Yes.
Yes, and like all great comics, there's a dark, evil clown lurking behind the laughter.
What?
Nothing, it's...
I just kind of like this new you.
It's sort of the best of old you without...
The lying and the cheating, selfish, high-maintence...
Sam...
But pretty.
Well, you better be careful, because, you know, you might just fall for me all over again.
Come on.
Time for toasts!
Let the help get back to work.
Wait, where's Valerie?
She's outside or something.
That hot groom went to find her.
To the single girl, a vanishing breed.
Another one bites the dust.
Yeah!
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, it's Paul.
Look at you.
Paul makes you all tingly, doesn't he?
He's trey's friend.
That's not an answer.
I'm getting married.
So, it's your last chance.
Not necessarily.
You guys are so bad.
No, it's only bad if you get caught.
You'll never tell?
Tell?
Honey, I'm probably not even gonna remember.
Did Valerie do something with him at the bachelorette party?
No.
Gross.
They went back to her place.
Saw you two dancing.
Doesn't she seem, a totally different person?
I was just thinking the same thing.
Yeah, well, she's not.
What are you talking about?
Old Sam's still right there, ready to dump you.
If, you know, something better comes along, ready to ditch you...
Again...
For the cool kids.
She did that?
Man, she's good.
I can't believe I got sucked in.
I got sucked in.
But you?
Yeah, you should not.
You're a good guy and decent...
Extremely attractive...
And interesting.
Good evening.
Anyway, when I first met this guy, he was thin and fit with rock-hard abs.
now the only thing that's thin is his hair, and the only thing that's hard is his liver.
He's all yours, Val.
Now, I want Sam to toast us.
Sam?
What?
No.
Yes.
You have to, it's my wedding.
Sam is so funny, you guys.
Listen to her toast, everybody.
Go ahead, Sam.
Okay...
Marriage...
What is marriage?
That's not funny!
Shut up, Jeanine!
Well, let's just let's...
Break it down, right? "
Mare," from the latin meaning "sea"...
And... "
Edge"...
It's the edge of the sea.
It's like sailing.
It's like sailing over the edge of the sea into uncharted waters.
Right?
I mean, you're all sailing folk.
It's a new beginning.
And...
You know what?
Who among us doesn't need a new beginning?
Or forgiveness?
I mean, if I'm getting it, shouldn't everybody else?
Right?
No matter what they've done, whatever mistakes or indiscretions or acts of just...
Downright betrayal, as long as they just promise to to never do it again, I...
Bitch!
I knew you would pull something like this.
It was Valerie's idea.
What?!
Paul?
She made me do it.
Val?
Paul?
Daddy!
I slept with Trey.
What?
We were drunk.
You're always drunk!
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
On the plus side, at least I won the pool.
All right, first of all, hide that knife.
I'm gonna go find Dena, and I'm gonna go home.
Those people are horrible.
Well, maybe you should stay.
You fit right in.
What?
What do you mean?
Ask your friend, Dena.
Right.
She already left.
Mom?
I'm in here, hon!
Mom, where's Dena?
Oh, please tell me that she's taking a shower with you.
She came and got some of her things.
She said she was taking a cab home.
But I brought her some cake with little adulterers on it.
Oh, God...
I ditched her all day.
I was so obsessed with making someone who doesn't like me, like me, that I hurt the one person who does.
And what is this little potty that I'm sitting on?
Oh, that's a bidet!
Isn't it cute?
I'm gonna get one for our new bathroom.
All right, well, I have to find her, so can we just leave?
No chance.
Checkout isn't till 12:00 tomorrow, and we're not giving them one second back.
That's weird.
Sam?
Dena, can I co...
Can I come in?
No.
Mr.
Cellophane, kill!
Please, just open up.
I can't.
The windowsill's painted shut.
Now that's just bull.
You okay?
I'm assuming this was a lot easier when I was 12, huh?
look, Dena, I am so sorry about tonight.
I mean it.
There is nobody who is sorrier than I am.
Well, of course not.
You've had so much more practice.
Look, I realize that knowing me is risky.
I mean, you never know when old Sam's gonna come out and just do really horrible things.
Now I'm...
It's like I'm like...
I'm like a werewolf, you know?
All of a sudden, a full moon comes out from behind the clouds, and next thing you know, I'm all hairy and I'm biting out your neck Okay, you're kinda creeping me out.
Look, I'm just trying to say that if you ever see the old Sam come out, just tell me...
Or shoot me with a silver bullet.
It's your call.
I'll put a cap in your ass.
Want some cocoa?
Yes.
You know what?
It's actually kinda...
Kinda fun coming in this way.
Not that fun since all the tree rats moved in.
Did Todd say anything...
About anything tonight?
Just that I'm a big old disappointment.
So...
Was he a good kisser?
I don't know.
Why?
Oh, I don't know.
Hi, this is Brian, met you at that party, and you tried on my hat.
Remember?
I said you looked cute in it, but that didn't mean you could keep it.
Fun fact about Samantha Newly, before my amnesia, everyone hated me...
except a few people, like these two: a childhood friend and, for some reason, my ex-boyfriend.
So...
I haven't seen you since we were at the hospital, hanging out, waiting for Sam to wake up out of her coma.
Yeah.
Good times, huh?
I told you I was pregnant in confidence!
Who does that to another person?
Rest assured, you'll be hearing from my lawyer!
They had to drain the entire pool!
You knew I was allergic to nuts...
Okay, I get it, I get it.
Record greeting.
I'm sorry!
Leave a message after the beep.
Transcript: Raceman Sync: BlueDoc I am just not gonna check the machine anymore.
I mean, if those people wanna find me, they can just hunt me down.
No, no, that's not good.
But those people don't know the new you.
I'm having a great time with you.
You know, hanging out...
Kickin'it...
BFFS!
Step off, beeyotch!
I'll cap yo' ass!
I've no idea where that just came from.
I just meant to say, "yes, me, too".
Ms.
Newly, the tailor dropped something off for you.
I'll get it.
So how did it happen, anyway?
I mean, how did how did you and I drift apart?
You know how it is with kids.
You know, one day, you're climbing in each other's bedroom windows late at night...
And sharing secrets and drinking cocoa.
Yeah...
You know, and the next day, one of you, stands up the other one at Mccorkle's beef grindery to...
go ice-skating with the eighth grade cheerleaders.
Dena, I'm really...
Don't say anything.
I'll just...
Call your machine.
Yeah.
Here you are.
Cool.
Althea's bridal!
It's a bridesmaid's dress.
I'm a bridesmaid?
I think so.
In a wedding?
I think so!
Who is this?
Did the did the tailor know?
Did they say anything at all?
Only that you should ignore the warning on the plastic bag.
Feel free to use it as a toy.
Where's all that mail that I brought back from Todd's?
It's on your bed.
Don't run in the house.
She's a bridesmaid!
In a wedding?
Yeah!
You mean someone liked her?
Yes, mother, it is possible, despite my upbringing.
Dena, look at this bathroom.
There's the bathroom that I want.
We don't need a new bathroom.
Ours is fine.
But we can afford it.
And I want one.
When we built this house, the plumbing was state-of-the-art.
Well, so was yours.
Things change.
I found it!
I found the invitation.
Valerie Bromquist and Trey Wells.
Who are they?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Well, I knew a Trevor Chadney once.
So you are cordially inved to...
Special lodging rates...
Salmon or beef...
Here.
Okay, the date is...
Of course!
It's today!
Well, you're never gonna make it, sweetheart.
Watch me.
Somebody likes me, and it is an honor to be asked, and I am not gonna let down my good friend Victoria.
Valerie.
Whatever.
It's at the Hyperion Hotel.
Gee, these people must be loaded.
Look at the wedding party rates.
That is really reasonable.
Holy cow, with with my hotel points, it's almost free.
I've always wanted to stay there.
Well, we have to stay there.
We can't afford not to.
Okay, then we're all gonna go.
But you gotta go, gotta go.
Get ready, get ready.
Okay, go!
Go!
All right, and, Dena, you're gonna be my date.
Me?
If I die tomorrow, I'll die a happy girl!
Unless it's from something painful...
Or slow, like being dragged by a train.
They haven't started yet.
All right, I'm gonna go try to find Veronica.
No, wait, wait.
Ve...
Vee...
Van...
Vancouver...
Valedictor...
Valerie!
Valerie.
All right, you go find a seat.
And, mom, dad, you two take the bags up and I'll see you later.
All right?
I don't know why you won't let a bellman help you with those.
No way.
That's how these places get ya.
What do I look like, some kinda...
Rube?
Todd.
Sam!
We were invited to this together.
God, that's so sweet of you to still come, but, you know, I brought Dena.
And...
This is so awkward...
For you.
I'm the photographer.
You got me this job.
What are you doing here?
Sam!
Andrea!
What are you doing here?
Why does everyone keep asking me that?
I am obviously in the wedding.
Ta-da...
Now come on.
I don't want to embarrass myself.
I need to find the bride, okay?
Get that bitch out of here.
I found her.
Disinvited?
But she likes me.
How could she disinvite somebody that she likes so much?
Oh, I don't know.
It might be because you started a little wedding pool on how long the marriage would last.
Well...
That's not very likable.
Ordinarily, I'd find it hilarious.
But I've spent way too much time getting in with Valerie to take your side.
What do you mean, "get in"?
Well, she's an old friend of yours, and I finally got you to introduce me.
Her family is loaded.
They have a yacht.
I want friends that have a yacht.
The fact that I was not disinvited when you were is a very positive sign.
In fact, you know, I probably shouldn't even be seen with you right now.
Okay, sorry, doll.
What?
Is the wedding over already?
We just ordered up an artisanal cheese plate.
No, we need to get our bags because we are leaving.
You mean quitting.
Dena, I'm not gonna stay somewhere where I'm not wanted.
It's not that hard.
You get used to it.
Hello?
Guess where I'm calling you from.
The bathroom.
The bathroom!
It's like the palace of Versailles in there heated floors.
Regina, we have to have heated floors.
We'll see.
Why don't you guys just stay and enjoy the room, and we'll just get a cab home?
Why are you leaving?
What did you do this time?
Why is it that you immediately assume that I've done something wrong?
I mean, I did do something wrong.
But was the old me, and now the new me has to leave.
Oh, honey, I wish I could just...
put my arms around you and make this whole thing go away.
But it might be easier for everyone if you just assumed a new identity.
Yeah, get yourself a wig, not a cheap one.
Can you do any accents?
What do you think of the name Rose Lafleur?
Okay, stop it.
She's not going anywhere.
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna run away every time you meet somebody that you hurt?
Spend five minutes with that Valerie, and she'll see that you're not the old you anymore.
'Cause I'm not, huh?
No, you're not!
No.
I'm not R.
Thank you, Dena.
Thank you.
You know what?
I'm gonna go down there, and I am gonna make Valerie understand that, and then I'm gonna make her forgive me, and then you and I are gonna rock this wedding, and we are gonna bring it.
We're gonna bring it!
And we are gonna rip it.
We're gonna rip it!
And we're gonna sock it to 'em.
That's all I got.
That's it.
That's all she's got.
Sex?
Well, we gotta hurry.
The cheese is coming.
Is this a bad time?
What are you still doing here?
Just wait.
Wait, okay?
I am so sorry about that wedding pool, but, you see, I don't know why I did it because...
I have amnesia.
Are you kidding me?
You used that same excuse four years ago when you crashed my Maserati.
Amnesia?
Yeah.
And you believed that?
Security!
No, please, just wait It's okay, it's okay.
I got it.
Come on.
Come on.
God.
What are you doing?
I am trying to apologize.
That's what I'm doing.
What's your angle?
My angle?
I don't know.
I just really wanna stay for dinner 'cause the salmon looks so tasty.
Because I've changed.
That's why, and I feel bad about what I did.
Bad?
Like, remorse?
Like, "normal people" bad?
Yes, Todd, like "normal people" bad.
And I'm not gonna give up until she sees, how thoughtful and considerate that I can be.
Daddy!
Wait, wait.
You know, it is possible she is sorry.
And you know how relentless she is, so if you don't want her at your honeymoon, just hear her out.
One minute.
Go.
Okay, thank you.
Listen...
Can we...
So are you buying this "new and improved" Sam?
Do you think she's changed?
Yes, I do.
That would be nice.
Remember that mean clerk at the hospital gift shop?
What was her deal?
What's she doing?
Apologizing.
What's her angle?
No angle.
Apologizing?
Crafty.
Just when you think she's gonna zig, she zags.
That's nice.
Sam?
I want you back in my wedding party.
You do?
I do, and you must sit at my table.
I must?
Come on, girls.
We have to fix our makeup for pictures.
See?
What did I say?
I told you not to quit.
So we're gonna sit at table...
Actually, I'm gonna be sitting at Valerie's table, so I'll just catch up with you later, okay?
And I come out of my tent to see Sam, halfway up the trail already, not a stitch of clothes on...
Never looked back.
I didn't have trouble getting a ride home, though.
Snake!
I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?
Yes!
God, if we were on a yacht right now, I'd fall overboard from laughing.
Chew this time.
I'm not gonna save you twice.
I went through all that bridesmaids crap so one time I wouldn't have to sit at the losers' table.
Then that one has to show back up again.
Yeah, that one.
I can wait, though.
It's happened before, and she always lets me back in eventually.
How do you know the bride?
She's my sister.
Hi...
I was just hoping I already sent them something.
You wanna dance?
I don't know.
What's your angle?
Yes!
Come on!
Among other things, I seem to have forgotten how to dance.
No, you're a you're a quick study.
Follow me.
Hey, I'm funny.
Did you know I was funny?
Yes.
Yes, and like all great comics, there's a dark, evil clown lurking behind the laughter.
What?
Nothing, it's...
I just kind of like this new you.
It's sort of the best of old you without...
The lying and the cheating, selfish, high-maintence...
Sam...
But pretty.
Well, you better be careful, because, you know, you might just fall for me all over again.
Come on.
Time for toasts!
Let the help get back to work.
Wait, where's Valerie?
She's outside or something.
That hot groom went to find her.
To the single girl, a vanishing breed.
Another one bites the dust.
Yeah!
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, it's Paul.
Look at you.
Paul makes you all tingly, doesn't he?
He's trey's friend.
That's not an answer.
I'm getting married.
So, it's your last chance.
Not necessarily.
You guys are so bad.
No, it's only bad if you get caught.
You'll never tell?
Tell?
Honey, I'm probably not even gonna remember.
Did Valerie do something with him at the bachelorette party?
No.
Gross.
They went back to her place.
Saw you two dancing.
Doesn't she seem, a totally different person?
I was just thinking the same thing.
Yeah, well, she's not.
What are you talking about?
Old Sam's still right there, ready to dump you.
If, you know, something better comes along, ready to ditch you...
Again...
For the cool kids.
She did that?
Man, she's good.
I can't believe I got sucked in.
I got sucked in.
But you?
Yeah, you should not.
You're a good guy and decent...
Extremely attractive...
And interesting.
Good evening.
Anyway, when I first met this guy, he was thin and fit with rock-hard abs.
now the only thing that's thin is his hair, and the only thing that's hard is his liver.
He's all yours, Val.
Now, I want Sam to toast us.
Sam?
What?
No.
Yes.
You have to, it's my wedding.
Sam is so funny, you guys.
Listen to her toast, everybody.
Go ahead, Sam.
Okay...
Marriage...
What is marriage?
That's not funny!
Shut up, Jeanine!
Well, let's just let's...
Break it down, right? "
Mare," from the latin meaning "sea"...
And... "
Edge"...
It's the edge of the sea.
It's like sailing.
It's like sailing over the edge of the sea into uncharted waters.
Right?
I mean, you're all sailing folk.
It's a new beginning.
And...
You know what?
Who among us doesn't need a new beginning?
Or forgiveness?
I mean, if I'm getting it, shouldn't everybody else?
Right?
No matter what they've done, whatever mistakes or indiscretions or acts of just...
Downright betrayal, as long as they just promise to to never do it again, I...
Bitch!
I knew you would pull something like this.
It was Valerie's idea.
What?!
Paul?
She made me do it.
Val?
Paul?
Daddy!
I slept with Trey.
What?
We were drunk.
You're always drunk!
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
On the plus side, at least I won the pool.
All right, first of all, hide that knife.
I'm gonna go find Dena, and I'm gonna go home.
Those people are horrible.
Well, maybe you should stay.
You fit right in.
What?
What do you mean?
Ask your friend, Dena.
Right.
She already left.
Mom?
I'm in here, hon!
Mom, where's Dena?
Oh, please tell me that she's taking a shower with you.
She came and got some of her things.
She said she was taking a cab home.
But I brought her some cake with little adulterers on it.
Oh, God...
I ditched her all day.
I was so obsessed with making someone who doesn't like me, like me, that I hurt the one person who does.
And what is this little potty that I'm sitting on?
Oh, that's a bidet!
Isn't it cute?
I'm gonna get one for our new bathroom.
All right, well, I have to find her, so can we just leave?
No chance.
Checkout isn't till 12:00 tomorrow, and we're not giving them one second back.
That's weird.
Sam?
Dena, can I co...
Can I come in?
No.
Mr.
Cellophane, kill!
Please, just open up.
I can't.
The windowsill's painted shut.
Now that's just bull.
You okay?
I'm assuming this was a lot easier when I was 12, huh?
look, Dena, I am so sorry about tonight.
I mean it.
There is nobody who is sorrier than I am.
Well, of course not.
You've had so much more practice.
Look, I realize that knowing me is risky.
I mean, you never know when old Sam's gonna come out and just do really horrible things.
Now I'm...
It's like I'm like...
I'm like a werewolf, you know?
All of a sudden, a full moon comes out from behind the clouds, and next thing you know, I'm all hairy and I'm biting out your neck Okay, you're kinda creeping me out.
Look, I'm just trying to say that if you ever see the old Sam come out, just tell me...
Or shoot me with a silver bullet.
It's your call.
I'll put a cap in your ass.
Want some cocoa?
Yes.
You know what?
It's actually kinda...
Kinda fun coming in this way.
Not that fun since all the tree rats moved in.
Did Todd say anything...
About anything tonight?
Just that I'm a big old disappointment.
So...
Was he a good kisser?
I don't know.
Why?
Oh, I don't know.