TV-Serie: Six Feet Under - 4x6
All right, let's go.
Hi, no one's here right now.
Please leave a message and we'll get back to you.
Hey, hon.
Oh, my God, we've been circling LAX for about an hour and a half.
I'm so sorry I asked you to stay up.
So I'll be home, I don't know, in probably about 45 minutes or so.
OK, see you soon.
Bye.
What are you doing?
I can't go to work like this.
The bereaved will freak out.
You can take more time off.
Four days of daytime TV is my limit.
If I see another weight loss triumph, I'll kill myself.
We can go out to the beach.
I can't.
Rico's totally overwhelmed.
He dealt with the Thornton family nightmare.
The what?
The family of the body I lost.
You didn't lose it.
Well, horribly misplaced then.
For several days in the wasteland of Echo Park.
I talked to Mitchell.
He said the prints off the van didn't bring up a match.
So he doesn't have a record?
I guess not.
I thought there might be a camera at the ATM....
Keith, I think I'd like to not talk about this any more.
OK.
I appreciate that you want to help.
It's enough that you came home for a few days.
You don't have to solve the case.
Maybe we should call off your birthday party.
My mother's been planning for weeks.
So your family has to understand.
I don't want make a big deal...
Pretending it was a robbery...
I just don't want to upset everyone.
You should tell your family.
Would you tell yours?
Look, I just want everything to go on as planned.
OK, here we go.
So I got Cassidy for tomorrow night.
What's tomorrow night?
David's birthday dinner or did they cancel it?
Shit, I completely forgot.
With everything...
It's OK, I got Cassidy.
Julio's not in love with her, but at least she doesn't smoke.
Unless you think it doesn't matter if I go.
You don't have to go if you don't want to.
Not if you want me to go.
Maybe for David, you know.
Yeah, OK.
Come here, baby.
It'll be nice for us to do things together.
Oh, yeah, it's a real romantic evening - dinner at the Fishers'.
Come on, Julio, let's go.
What's happening here with you?
Look at Garbo.
She usually hates men.
So, food co-op, funeral home.
Nothing with animals at all?
Yeah.
No.
But they're all related in a way, you know?
No.
Well, people in grief, you know, they're a lot like dogs in that you just have to be with them in a totally instinctive way.
I never hired anyone with no dog experience.
How many you got at home?
I had one when I was a kid.
It was a terrier, but he died suddenly.
Mom got so upset that she never let us get another one.
I learn fast.
Why don't you give me a trial run?
What do you say?
Thing is, hon, this job doesn't pay much.
Well, I don't need much.
I can't stand to be around people in pain any more.
Every time I walked by this place, it just...
it just always looked like life.
Here's Maile.
Thistle, Thistle.
Speak, speak.
Good boy.
Good boy.
What?
Just the slow murder of the middle class.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Are you sure you don't want some tuna salad, dear?
I just woke up.
Japanese eat fish for breakfast every day.
Great.
So what's the dress code for this evening?
Well, you know, academic cocktail attire.
I don't know, dear.
That's why I'm asking.
I'm going straight from the office and I'm wearing this.
With which jacket?
My brown blazer.
But no tie?
That's right.
This with a blazer.
Morning.
Morning.
Good, there's coffee.
Is this fresh?
Yeah, I just made it.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are you?
I'm OK.
Are you feeling tired, dear?
I'm fine, Mom.
Like some lunch?
No, thank you, I had a late breakfast.
Your bruises look much better.
Yes, because I'm fine.
Have they found the carjacker?
Since yesterday?
No.
I'll let you know if they do, OK?
I was just wondering, if this person had a gun, you didn't try to argue with him, did you?
No, Mom, I didn't try to argue.
If all he wanted was the van and you let him have it, why would he hurt you?
I don't know.
It all happened very fast.
Why, with so many fancy cars in this city, would someone want that stinky old van?
Are you finding a way to make this my fault?
No, no.
I am so sorry.
It's just...none of it makes any sense.
Sometimes bad things just happen and it doesn't make sense.
But at least, you know, I'm OK and it's over now.
All right?
How's the scoring session?
Brutal.
It's a medieval fantasy epic so I had to blast out this inane heroic theme music every time the good prince walked in.
Five billion times.
Here.
Thank you.
I found us a house.
A house?
I walked by this place.
I was gonna call you, but the guy had to go.
I made an appointment for us tomorrow.
OK.
It's extremely perfect.
I think.
And big.
And it's affordable.
Kind of.
You know, I think.
And this would be for, like, now?
Yeah, first of the month.
We'll need a place to put the kid.
If there is one.
I won't want to walk across the courtyard when I have to change a diaper.
Are you ready for all this?
Yeah.
Are you?
Yeah.
You don't think we're just talking out of our eggs?
I'm not talking out of my eggs.
I'm talking out of my basket.
Did you want us to include the cause of death in the obituary?
No, thank you.
Just say he passed away suddenly, please.
And did you want us to contact a clergy person for the service?
We already went over this.
We did?
We're atheists.
I'm sorry.
If I wasn't before, I sure as hell would be now.
Of course.
I polished his shoes.
Thanks.
Hey, what happened to this guy?
She didn't want to say.
Must've been a suicide.
Do you have his certificate?
I can't find it.
I'm sure it's in the office.
Man, he must've been pretty desperate.
What an awful thing to do to your wife.
Hey, I've got to make a quick phone call.
Could you sew him up for me?
I'm gonna just go out here.
It's better reception.
Hi, please leave a message.
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
Listen, I can't do dinner tomorrow night.
I have to work.
But I'll call you later and we'll figure something out, OK?
OK, bye-bye.
Do you need some hangers?
My mom's got 6,000 under her bed.
No, that's okay.
I don't have anything nice enough to hang.
It should only be for a few days, hopefully.
Hot dress.
Glad we're the same size.
I can't believe that cunt changed the locks on me.
She really didn't want you playing with her turtles!
This is the last one.
Thanks.
These are great.
Totally apocalyptic.
Yeah, they're better than my stupid self-portraits.
But I still feel like they're, I don't know...
pointless?
All these real horrible things happen in the world every day that have so much more impact than art does.
Like my brother getting beaten up by some random asshole.
It's horrible.
But even if some old lady spits at you, it seriously affects your outlook on things.
Did an old lady spit at you?
No.
I mean, yes, actually, but it doesn't matter.
But that's what's so great about what you do or Aleksandra Mir's work.
It happens to people.
It's not just some image hanging on a wall doing nothing.
I think these images are doing something.
Is this because Carolyn reamed you out for being vacant?
No, I want to make work that does something.
We should make something together.
Like what?
Like some kind of mixed media thing in some space people have to be in.
Like an elevator?
Bigger.
Like a mall or something.
We'd invite artists who make totally different kinds of work.
We'd do things while people walked around.
To make it unavoidable.
Yeah.
I totally love that.
Hey, Rich.
Oh, good.
George, hello!
Ruth, this is the famous Dean Kekalos.
Howard, this is my wife.
The famous Ruth Sibley.
Hello.
Pleasure to meet you.
No, the pleasure is mine.
We're grateful for the calming influence you've had on George.
No, he's been the calming influence on me.
Well, good for you.
Good for you.
Hey, Seamus.
Hey, Sibley, how are you?
Thank you so much for the geode nut dishes.
We just love them.
Terrific, terrific.
We'd been dating for six months, he calls me from his car and starts saying something like, "Maybe we should be seeing other pe..."
and he loses cell reception.
Oh, my God.
That was the last time I ever spoke to him.
Did you call him?
Yes.
And I sent him several emails.
Nothing. "
Maybe we should see other pe..."
The parting words of George Sibley.
He's a raccoon.
He pulled the same move on Delia in the Classics Department.
He was sweet while we were dating.
He probably met someone else.
When I heard he'd gotten married, I stopped waiting for him to come out of the canyon.
How many?
Five.
I had to do "Are you my mother?"
twice.
How much sugar did you give him?
They pumped him up with Popsicles over at Sammy's.
You have to work tomorrow night?
After I killed myself to get Cassidy, I had to cancel her.
Didn't you say you have to work tomorrow night now?
On the machine?
Oh, no, that was wrong.
I made a mistake.
David told me that and then changed it again.
What happened?
Someone came back to life?
Man, they just kept changing the viewing time.
They kept changing their minds back and forth, these people.
The mother wanted one thing, the wife another.
Calling all day, changing the casket.
So I shouldn't have cancelled Cassidy?
Can you get her back?
I hope so.
Hear him going on about global warming?
No.
He was making the point that we don't have enough oil left in the earth to generate the emissions to create a greenhouse effect.
Was one of your ex-girlfriends at the party?
I don't think so.
A very thin woman with a mysteriously international accent.
I did date a lady from the Archaeology Department some time ago.
And how did it end?
Gosh, I don't really remember.
Did you lose cell phone reception and never call her back?
Did somebody tell you that?
Did you?
I have no idea.
It was a long time ago.
It couldn't have been that long.
As I recall, we just drifted apart.
That's not how she recalls it.
Did you talk to her?
I happened to overhear a conversation.
That's not the best way to get information, now, is it?
In any case, the greenhouse effect will definitely come to pass if we start to burn coal as oil supplies dwindle over the next 20 years.
But I don't think even we could be that stupid.
Hey.
Hey.
How are you doing?
Fine.
How are you?
OK.
This helps the bruises.
It's homeopathic, but it works.
Thanks.
I used it when I got the shit kicked out of me.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
OK, go find him, go find him!
Go on, go on!
Good dogs!
Good doggies!
Did you time it?
The winner is Shakti at six seconds!
Down.
So do you want to be a trainer?
No, not really.
Do you?
I used to.
I really want to be a vet.
I'm waiting to hear from UC Davis.
I'm sure you'll get in.
It's pretty competitive.
Think about being a trainer.
You're good.
Thanks, but...
I'm just enjoying doing this right now.
Teri said you used to work at a funeral home.
Yeah.
Kinda depressing?
Kinda.
Would Teri mind if I brought my little girl in?
You have a little girl?
Yeah, she's two and a half.
I didn't know you were married.
You're not wearing a ring.
I'm not...married...
any more.
Hey, Boo, good dog!
Claire would take pictures of whoever was there.
I'd interact with whoever showed up.
Maybe have instruments around.
Jimmy could make those whale installations around people.
And videotape it.
What would I do?
String beads in the corner?
People could do that with you.
Yeah, but what are we saying with this?
I want to do something confrontational.
I mean, the world is ending out there and people are getting cosmetic surgery and watching debutantes get screwed up the ass.
That's what my work is totally about.
Screwing debutantes up the ass?
American bloat, our compulsion to consume food, energy, and the rest of the world until we're so fat, we literally explode.
Oh, that's what your work is about.
That works with your idea of doing it in a mall.
Good luck getting a permit.
It's hard to be creative with that kind of negative commentary, fuckhead.
I brought some AMT.
Thank you, Jesus.
What's AMT?
Alphamethyltryptamine.
It's like X but groovier.
Let's do it.
Now?
It's two in the afternoon.
You have to do hard drugs during the day so you can sleep off the harsh landing.
It seems kind of early.
Oh, my God, a dining area.
This is not an area.
No, this is a room.
We could entertain.
We're going to entertain?
I've always wanted to be one of those people who throws fabulous dinner parties where everyone sits around discussing the nature of reality.
This is definitely the house for that.
I will need a set of hostess pyjamas.
I'll need a set of matching pots and pans.
OK.
Am I sounding like Lucy Van Pelt?
Lucy Van who?
Peanuts character.
She always talked about getting pans when she married Schroeder.
Was he the genius?
Yeah.
He was the musician.
And she was an aspiring psychoanalyst, actually.
Do you know something, Schroeder?
I think the way that you play the piano is nice What would you say if one day you and I should get married?
Yay!
That was lovely.
I think we should get all new bedding.
I have really nice sheets.
I was thinking, you know, new house, new bed.
You are such a little bride!
OK, we get new sheets.
Have you got a condom?
Do we need one?
I don't know.
Do we?
What are we waiting for?
New house, new life.
Like, how many evildoers do you have to kill before you become one yourself, you know?
Totally.
Smooth.
I'm insanely thirsty.
So do you think we did it?
I don't know.
We might have.
Really?
Yeah, it's definitely possible.
Why are you making those beeping sounds?
Sorry, I'm programming my new cellphone.
Well, that's the one good thing about getting robbed, right?
It's a great excuse for getting a new gadget.
I hope it happens again so I can get a new Palm Pilot.
I've always been too, I don't know, intimidated or something to say this, but I seriously think you're, like, a total genius.
No way, man.
Let me tell you something.
You are a genius, OK?
I was fully humbled by your brass-knuckle baby sculpture.
That was amazing.
God, this is so incredible!
You guys gotta come take a shower with me!
It's so, like, soothing.
Where's Claire?
I'll call her.
So, Keith, what's Celeste like, man?
Oh, my God, that's right.
Even Julio's like...
I heard she's kind of crazy in real life.
No, she's just in a crazy situation.
They must have you working round the clock.
The hours can get long.
Travelling around will be better than sitting in the car trying to stay awake.
Which cities are on the tour?
All of 'em, seems like.
I'm really looking forward to Austin.
Very vibrant university town.
Boulder's supposed to be beautiful.
Miami I really want to see.
After being a cop, it must be like a vacation.
Yeah, I may not be making the streets safer, but I feel like Celeste really inspires people, you know?
I mean, the audiences go home just so high to be alive.
It's kinda cool to be part of that.
Claire, I don't know if you have friends over there, but dinner's started and you should really get over here.
Fuck!
My brother's birthday party is tonight.
My hair.
Sorry.
Mom, this is delicious.
What is it?
It's a pumpkin mulligatawny.
It's in honour of David's love of Indian food.
You love Indian food?
He did as a child.
I did as a child.
Sorry.
Sorry.
We were making art.
So, Nate, how's the new job?
It's amazing.
Awesome.
Really?
Working at a kennel?
It's not a kennel, it's a canine retreat.
What's so great about it?
It makes me feel like I'm 25 again and life is simple and nothing horrible has ever happened to me.
The great thing is that the dogs seem to care as much about me as I care about them.
Sounds nice.
Maybe I should go work with dogs.
Seriously, we should all go work with dogs.
I've always preferred cats.
Mom, you should totally get a cat.
Why do you deny yourself so much?
I always had children.
We should all just let ourselves have what we want in life.
As long as we're not greedy imperialists.
I mean, it's your birthday and you just had this awful thing happen.
You so deserve to be happy.
Thank you.
Claire, will you help me clear?
I'd love to, Mom, but I can't have it be just the women who clear.
Now it's just the women and people of colour who are clearing.
Thank you, Nate.
He really gets it.
Oh, I met your friend the other day.
Sophie?
Sophie?
I think it was Sophie.
A very outgoing kind of a person.
Sasha maybe.
Where did you meet her?
She stopped by to say hello to Federico.
Stopped by here?
A friend of mine?
That's what he said, I think.
Maybe I misunderstood.
This is beautiful.
Keith, nice.
I noticed your old one got chipped when you got...
That old one was ugly.
This is a seriously upscale accessory.
It is upscale.
Thank you.
Mine isn't meaningful enough.
I'm sure it's meaningful enough.
No, I want to make it better.
I'll give it to you later.
That one's from me.
That was very nice of you.
What did we get him?
A tie.
A gravy boat.
No, it's a neti pot.
A neti pot?
It's an ancient Ayurvedic instrument for cleansing the sinus passages.
May I see that?
You fill it with warm water and add some salt and then pour it through the sinus, like so.
That's OK, I get it.
Keep you from getting sick.
I've used one every day for 30 years, hardly had a cold in all that time.
Every day?
I've never seen you do that.
I do it in the kitchen when I get back from my morning walk.
You do that in my kitchen?
Over the sink.
Where do you keep your nostril pot?
Neti pot.
On the top shelf of the cupboard.
So I won't know about it.
Where it's out of the way.
You want it to be one of your nasty secrets!
Ruth, that's enough.
Claire?
Could you help me find something tart?
Yeah.
This is my friend Jimmy.
He's a really amazing artist.
Yes, I am.
Jimmy, you're not wearing any clothes.
Is David all right?
He barely ate a thing.
Well, it's a shock, any kind of incident that gets physical.
Those bruises.
Why'd anyone hurt someone who was doing what they were told to do?
I don't know, Ruth.
There's a lot more insanity in the world than people realise.
Sometimes I'm surprised it's just not total mayhem out there.
30.
31...32.
It totally smells like sex in here.
You missed a great show.
Somebody had better wash my sheets.
How was dinner?
It was kind of amazing.
I feel like I really connected with my family.
I wish you'd been there.
I wish you'd been here.
All these guys want to do is lick each other all night.
I just want to go roll in the grass.
Let's go.
We have some really amazing grass outside.
Tonight?
Lsn't there any way I can catch up with y'all in Portland?
Replace me for the whole tour?
That's cold.
I just don't know if I can make it in tonight, dog.
All right.
OK.
Thanks.
Dog? "
We should all be working with dogs."
God, they were all in full form tonight.
The neti pot?
So do you have to go back tonight?
I told him I didn't think I could make it.
Keith, I'm OK.
If I needed you to stay, trust me, I'd tell you.
I don't trust that you would tell me.
Look at the show you put on for your family.
I don't want you to lose your job.
They'll just put me on somebody in LA.
You don't know that.
So what?
You're more important to me than a job.
I want my pool.
Come on, be real with me on this.
I am, I swear.
If you lost your job because of me, it would make me feel so much worse.
It really would.
Good night.
You're going to sleep?
Unless you have something you want to talk about.
No.
I just have to brush my hair.
And you want me to just lie here and watch you?
No.
That's really beautiful.
That's perfect.
Just put your face in the light a little more.
Just a little bit more to the left now.
OK, try not to look sexually objectified.
You sicko!
Come here.
Wait.
You have to feel this right now!
Wait!
OK.
Come here.
Oh, my God, this feels amazing.
Can you believe nature just makes this?
Nature doesn't make it, the landscapers do.
But nature came up with it and it's just lying around all over the world for people to roll around in.
No one ever does.
It's so fucking sad.
Did you ever play rolling pin when you were a kid?
No.
Wow, you can't even see the wound.
Where was he shot?
Point blank in the head.
They had him tied up for hours, then they shot him in the head.
Could they tell from the autopsy if he suffered?
I haven't seen the autopsy.
I thought you were in on all of that.
No, we're just...
We just take care of the funeral.
Excuse me.
911.
What is your emergency?
Hello?
What are you reporting?
I can't breathe.
Please hold for a paramedic.
Are you starting a new home or just making a new start?
We've got everything you'll need to make your home a haven of tranquillity and style.
Do you have a history of heart problems?
No.
Are you clammy, cold or sweaty?
Yes.
Do you have a history of panic attacks?
No, is that...
Could this be that?
Sure, shortness of breath without skin discoloration or heart pain.
Absolutely.
Have you been under any unusual stress lately?
Yes.
OK, sir, just stay calm and relaxed.
We'll have someone there shortly.
No, I'm OK.
I think I might be OK.
Sir, to be safe we should send...
No, thanks, I think I'm OK.
David?
I'm here.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You don't look so great.
I had a panic attack.
I called 911 because I thought I was dying.
How humiliating is that?
I thought I was dying when I woke up this morning.
What were you on last night?
I don't even know.
Some X-like thing.
I guess it was really strong.
Yeah.
It's fucked up to get carjacked.
It was more than that.
Yeah, I can see that.
It was more than this.
What do you mean?
It went on for hours.
At first, I thought he just wanted money.
Well, no, at first I thought he was just this cute boy in distress.
It's OK, I've fallen for, like, 50 cute boys in distress.
But then it was like...
I tried to do everything right, but it just made him want to torture me more.
Torture you?
He poured gasoline on me.
And he put a gun in my mouth...
long enough for me to think, "My life is over and I know nothing. "
I don't even know how to go."
My mind kept spinning, trying to grab onto something, but nothing was enough, Not even Keith or anyone.
Nothing was enough.
I forgot to pray.
Can you believe that?
I totally forgot to pray.
That's OK.
God saved you anyway, right?
I'm not going back.
I can't.
I'll go insane if I have to come back to this.
I don't know what to say.
He doesn't even want me to tell you.
Well, OK then, it's not that bad.
It is that bad.
You think he can't work at all?
I think he seriously cannot deal.
Maybe we can hire somebody.
I'm not sure having some stranger come in is going to be all that helpful.
It would've been nice if Mom hadn't fucked our only intern.
I've finally got a life I can stand.
He would do it for you.
Are you available for chopping?
If you so wish.
If I so wish?
What does that mean?
I'd appreciate it if you'd just ask me directly. "
Will you chop the cucumber?"
I did ask you directly.
No, you didn't.
You were making a point of my not helping you with dinner instead of just asking me to help.
You've been very mean to me all day.
I have not been mean to you.
I've been upset with you.
What have I done to you?
You embarrassed me in front of your entire family instead of confronting me directly.
I did confront you directly.
You made it clear you did not wish to be confronted directly.
That is completely untrue.
I answered every question you asked me, as I always do.
You pretended not to remember something that happened less than a year ago.
You forget things that happened yesterday!
Look, Ruth...
the past is not important to me.
I just want to be here in the present with you.
Yes, but there was a time when you wanted to be in the present with that woman at the party.
She had no idea you were going to leave her.
She went from being in the present to being in the past without realising it.
You are really starting to sound hysterical.
What changed for you?
With that woman or your first few wives.
It doesn't matter.
It does.
Why would you leave so many...
Because they asked too many fucking questions, that's why!
A very outgoing girl named Sophie, she said.
Oh, Sophia.
Yeah, she's a young mother from church that I'm helping.
A young mother from church?
I told Father Deegan I wanted to do charity work.
He gave me this family to help.
You know, like a big brother thing.
How come you never told me about this?
It was just between me and the Father.
And this outgoing young mother, what kind of help are you giving her?
Just, like, cans of food, old clothes, and toys and stuff, like, from the Fishers.
You're giving her stuff from the Fishers, but Ruth doesn't know?
No, no, she knows.
She just doesn't know that Sophia is the young mother in need.
I don't know why you would keep charity a secret.
It's the way you're supposed to do charity.
Come on, you tell your wife.
Well, the truth is, this is something I started doing when you were...
you know, not that easy to tell things to.
When your own family needed you, you started helping someone else?
Sometimes it makes your own problems seem less bad when you help someone who's got it even worse.
Hey.
Hi.
What are you...
What's up?
I don't know.
Are you OK?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just who I am.
Do you want to sit down?
I don't think that I can change.
I can't become this totally different person living this...
simple, happy little life.
Neither can I.
English
Hi, no one's here right now.
Please leave a message and we'll get back to you.
Hey, hon.
Oh, my God, we've been circling LAX for about an hour and a half.
I'm so sorry I asked you to stay up.
So I'll be home, I don't know, in probably about 45 minutes or so.
OK, see you soon.
Bye.
What are you doing?
I can't go to work like this.
The bereaved will freak out.
You can take more time off.
Four days of daytime TV is my limit.
If I see another weight loss triumph, I'll kill myself.
We can go out to the beach.
I can't.
Rico's totally overwhelmed.
He dealt with the Thornton family nightmare.
The what?
The family of the body I lost.
You didn't lose it.
Well, horribly misplaced then.
For several days in the wasteland of Echo Park.
I talked to Mitchell.
He said the prints off the van didn't bring up a match.
So he doesn't have a record?
I guess not.
I thought there might be a camera at the ATM....
Keith, I think I'd like to not talk about this any more.
OK.
I appreciate that you want to help.
It's enough that you came home for a few days.
You don't have to solve the case.
Maybe we should call off your birthday party.
My mother's been planning for weeks.
So your family has to understand.
I don't want make a big deal...
Pretending it was a robbery...
I just don't want to upset everyone.
You should tell your family.
Would you tell yours?
Look, I just want everything to go on as planned.
OK, here we go.
So I got Cassidy for tomorrow night.
What's tomorrow night?
David's birthday dinner or did they cancel it?
Shit, I completely forgot.
With everything...
It's OK, I got Cassidy.
Julio's not in love with her, but at least she doesn't smoke.
Unless you think it doesn't matter if I go.
You don't have to go if you don't want to.
Not if you want me to go.
Maybe for David, you know.
Yeah, OK.
Come here, baby.
It'll be nice for us to do things together.
Oh, yeah, it's a real romantic evening - dinner at the Fishers'.
Come on, Julio, let's go.
What's happening here with you?
Look at Garbo.
She usually hates men.
So, food co-op, funeral home.
Nothing with animals at all?
Yeah.
No.
But they're all related in a way, you know?
No.
Well, people in grief, you know, they're a lot like dogs in that you just have to be with them in a totally instinctive way.
I never hired anyone with no dog experience.
How many you got at home?
I had one when I was a kid.
It was a terrier, but he died suddenly.
Mom got so upset that she never let us get another one.
I learn fast.
Why don't you give me a trial run?
What do you say?
Thing is, hon, this job doesn't pay much.
Well, I don't need much.
I can't stand to be around people in pain any more.
Every time I walked by this place, it just...
it just always looked like life.
Here's Maile.
Thistle, Thistle.
Speak, speak.
Good boy.
Good boy.
What?
Just the slow murder of the middle class.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Are you sure you don't want some tuna salad, dear?
I just woke up.
Japanese eat fish for breakfast every day.
Great.
So what's the dress code for this evening?
Well, you know, academic cocktail attire.
I don't know, dear.
That's why I'm asking.
I'm going straight from the office and I'm wearing this.
With which jacket?
My brown blazer.
But no tie?
That's right.
This with a blazer.
Morning.
Morning.
Good, there's coffee.
Is this fresh?
Yeah, I just made it.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are you?
I'm OK.
Are you feeling tired, dear?
I'm fine, Mom.
Like some lunch?
No, thank you, I had a late breakfast.
Your bruises look much better.
Yes, because I'm fine.
Have they found the carjacker?
Since yesterday?
No.
I'll let you know if they do, OK?
I was just wondering, if this person had a gun, you didn't try to argue with him, did you?
No, Mom, I didn't try to argue.
If all he wanted was the van and you let him have it, why would he hurt you?
I don't know.
It all happened very fast.
Why, with so many fancy cars in this city, would someone want that stinky old van?
Are you finding a way to make this my fault?
No, no.
I am so sorry.
It's just...none of it makes any sense.
Sometimes bad things just happen and it doesn't make sense.
But at least, you know, I'm OK and it's over now.
All right?
How's the scoring session?
Brutal.
It's a medieval fantasy epic so I had to blast out this inane heroic theme music every time the good prince walked in.
Five billion times.
Here.
Thank you.
I found us a house.
A house?
I walked by this place.
I was gonna call you, but the guy had to go.
I made an appointment for us tomorrow.
OK.
It's extremely perfect.
I think.
And big.
And it's affordable.
Kind of.
You know, I think.
And this would be for, like, now?
Yeah, first of the month.
We'll need a place to put the kid.
If there is one.
I won't want to walk across the courtyard when I have to change a diaper.
Are you ready for all this?
Yeah.
Are you?
Yeah.
You don't think we're just talking out of our eggs?
I'm not talking out of my eggs.
I'm talking out of my basket.
Did you want us to include the cause of death in the obituary?
No, thank you.
Just say he passed away suddenly, please.
And did you want us to contact a clergy person for the service?
We already went over this.
We did?
We're atheists.
I'm sorry.
If I wasn't before, I sure as hell would be now.
Of course.
I polished his shoes.
Thanks.
Hey, what happened to this guy?
She didn't want to say.
Must've been a suicide.
Do you have his certificate?
I can't find it.
I'm sure it's in the office.
Man, he must've been pretty desperate.
What an awful thing to do to your wife.
Hey, I've got to make a quick phone call.
Could you sew him up for me?
I'm gonna just go out here.
It's better reception.
Hi, please leave a message.
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
Listen, I can't do dinner tomorrow night.
I have to work.
But I'll call you later and we'll figure something out, OK?
OK, bye-bye.
Do you need some hangers?
My mom's got 6,000 under her bed.
No, that's okay.
I don't have anything nice enough to hang.
It should only be for a few days, hopefully.
Hot dress.
Glad we're the same size.
I can't believe that cunt changed the locks on me.
She really didn't want you playing with her turtles!
This is the last one.
Thanks.
These are great.
Totally apocalyptic.
Yeah, they're better than my stupid self-portraits.
But I still feel like they're, I don't know...
pointless?
All these real horrible things happen in the world every day that have so much more impact than art does.
Like my brother getting beaten up by some random asshole.
It's horrible.
But even if some old lady spits at you, it seriously affects your outlook on things.
Did an old lady spit at you?
No.
I mean, yes, actually, but it doesn't matter.
But that's what's so great about what you do or Aleksandra Mir's work.
It happens to people.
It's not just some image hanging on a wall doing nothing.
I think these images are doing something.
Is this because Carolyn reamed you out for being vacant?
No, I want to make work that does something.
We should make something together.
Like what?
Like some kind of mixed media thing in some space people have to be in.
Like an elevator?
Bigger.
Like a mall or something.
We'd invite artists who make totally different kinds of work.
We'd do things while people walked around.
To make it unavoidable.
Yeah.
I totally love that.
Hey, Rich.
Oh, good.
George, hello!
Ruth, this is the famous Dean Kekalos.
Howard, this is my wife.
The famous Ruth Sibley.
Hello.
Pleasure to meet you.
No, the pleasure is mine.
We're grateful for the calming influence you've had on George.
No, he's been the calming influence on me.
Well, good for you.
Good for you.
Hey, Seamus.
Hey, Sibley, how are you?
Thank you so much for the geode nut dishes.
We just love them.
Terrific, terrific.
We'd been dating for six months, he calls me from his car and starts saying something like, "Maybe we should be seeing other pe..."
and he loses cell reception.
Oh, my God.
That was the last time I ever spoke to him.
Did you call him?
Yes.
And I sent him several emails.
Nothing. "
Maybe we should see other pe..."
The parting words of George Sibley.
He's a raccoon.
He pulled the same move on Delia in the Classics Department.
He was sweet while we were dating.
He probably met someone else.
When I heard he'd gotten married, I stopped waiting for him to come out of the canyon.
How many?
Five.
I had to do "Are you my mother?"
twice.
How much sugar did you give him?
They pumped him up with Popsicles over at Sammy's.
You have to work tomorrow night?
After I killed myself to get Cassidy, I had to cancel her.
Didn't you say you have to work tomorrow night now?
On the machine?
Oh, no, that was wrong.
I made a mistake.
David told me that and then changed it again.
What happened?
Someone came back to life?
Man, they just kept changing the viewing time.
They kept changing their minds back and forth, these people.
The mother wanted one thing, the wife another.
Calling all day, changing the casket.
So I shouldn't have cancelled Cassidy?
Can you get her back?
I hope so.
Hear him going on about global warming?
No.
He was making the point that we don't have enough oil left in the earth to generate the emissions to create a greenhouse effect.
Was one of your ex-girlfriends at the party?
I don't think so.
A very thin woman with a mysteriously international accent.
I did date a lady from the Archaeology Department some time ago.
And how did it end?
Gosh, I don't really remember.
Did you lose cell phone reception and never call her back?
Did somebody tell you that?
Did you?
I have no idea.
It was a long time ago.
It couldn't have been that long.
As I recall, we just drifted apart.
That's not how she recalls it.
Did you talk to her?
I happened to overhear a conversation.
That's not the best way to get information, now, is it?
In any case, the greenhouse effect will definitely come to pass if we start to burn coal as oil supplies dwindle over the next 20 years.
But I don't think even we could be that stupid.
Hey.
Hey.
How are you doing?
Fine.
How are you?
OK.
This helps the bruises.
It's homeopathic, but it works.
Thanks.
I used it when I got the shit kicked out of me.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
OK, go find him, go find him!
Go on, go on!
Good dogs!
Good doggies!
Did you time it?
The winner is Shakti at six seconds!
Down.
So do you want to be a trainer?
No, not really.
Do you?
I used to.
I really want to be a vet.
I'm waiting to hear from UC Davis.
I'm sure you'll get in.
It's pretty competitive.
Think about being a trainer.
You're good.
Thanks, but...
I'm just enjoying doing this right now.
Teri said you used to work at a funeral home.
Yeah.
Kinda depressing?
Kinda.
Would Teri mind if I brought my little girl in?
You have a little girl?
Yeah, she's two and a half.
I didn't know you were married.
You're not wearing a ring.
I'm not...married...
any more.
Hey, Boo, good dog!
Claire would take pictures of whoever was there.
I'd interact with whoever showed up.
Maybe have instruments around.
Jimmy could make those whale installations around people.
And videotape it.
What would I do?
String beads in the corner?
People could do that with you.
Yeah, but what are we saying with this?
I want to do something confrontational.
I mean, the world is ending out there and people are getting cosmetic surgery and watching debutantes get screwed up the ass.
That's what my work is totally about.
Screwing debutantes up the ass?
American bloat, our compulsion to consume food, energy, and the rest of the world until we're so fat, we literally explode.
Oh, that's what your work is about.
That works with your idea of doing it in a mall.
Good luck getting a permit.
It's hard to be creative with that kind of negative commentary, fuckhead.
I brought some AMT.
Thank you, Jesus.
What's AMT?
Alphamethyltryptamine.
It's like X but groovier.
Let's do it.
Now?
It's two in the afternoon.
You have to do hard drugs during the day so you can sleep off the harsh landing.
It seems kind of early.
Oh, my God, a dining area.
This is not an area.
No, this is a room.
We could entertain.
We're going to entertain?
I've always wanted to be one of those people who throws fabulous dinner parties where everyone sits around discussing the nature of reality.
This is definitely the house for that.
I will need a set of hostess pyjamas.
I'll need a set of matching pots and pans.
OK.
Am I sounding like Lucy Van Pelt?
Lucy Van who?
Peanuts character.
She always talked about getting pans when she married Schroeder.
Was he the genius?
Yeah.
He was the musician.
And she was an aspiring psychoanalyst, actually.
Do you know something, Schroeder?
I think the way that you play the piano is nice What would you say if one day you and I should get married?
Yay!
That was lovely.
I think we should get all new bedding.
I have really nice sheets.
I was thinking, you know, new house, new bed.
You are such a little bride!
OK, we get new sheets.
Have you got a condom?
Do we need one?
I don't know.
Do we?
What are we waiting for?
New house, new life.
Like, how many evildoers do you have to kill before you become one yourself, you know?
Totally.
Smooth.
I'm insanely thirsty.
So do you think we did it?
I don't know.
We might have.
Really?
Yeah, it's definitely possible.
Why are you making those beeping sounds?
Sorry, I'm programming my new cellphone.
Well, that's the one good thing about getting robbed, right?
It's a great excuse for getting a new gadget.
I hope it happens again so I can get a new Palm Pilot.
I've always been too, I don't know, intimidated or something to say this, but I seriously think you're, like, a total genius.
No way, man.
Let me tell you something.
You are a genius, OK?
I was fully humbled by your brass-knuckle baby sculpture.
That was amazing.
God, this is so incredible!
You guys gotta come take a shower with me!
It's so, like, soothing.
Where's Claire?
I'll call her.
So, Keith, what's Celeste like, man?
Oh, my God, that's right.
Even Julio's like...
I heard she's kind of crazy in real life.
No, she's just in a crazy situation.
They must have you working round the clock.
The hours can get long.
Travelling around will be better than sitting in the car trying to stay awake.
Which cities are on the tour?
All of 'em, seems like.
I'm really looking forward to Austin.
Very vibrant university town.
Boulder's supposed to be beautiful.
Miami I really want to see.
After being a cop, it must be like a vacation.
Yeah, I may not be making the streets safer, but I feel like Celeste really inspires people, you know?
I mean, the audiences go home just so high to be alive.
It's kinda cool to be part of that.
Claire, I don't know if you have friends over there, but dinner's started and you should really get over here.
Fuck!
My brother's birthday party is tonight.
My hair.
Sorry.
Mom, this is delicious.
What is it?
It's a pumpkin mulligatawny.
It's in honour of David's love of Indian food.
You love Indian food?
He did as a child.
I did as a child.
Sorry.
Sorry.
We were making art.
So, Nate, how's the new job?
It's amazing.
Awesome.
Really?
Working at a kennel?
It's not a kennel, it's a canine retreat.
What's so great about it?
It makes me feel like I'm 25 again and life is simple and nothing horrible has ever happened to me.
The great thing is that the dogs seem to care as much about me as I care about them.
Sounds nice.
Maybe I should go work with dogs.
Seriously, we should all go work with dogs.
I've always preferred cats.
Mom, you should totally get a cat.
Why do you deny yourself so much?
I always had children.
We should all just let ourselves have what we want in life.
As long as we're not greedy imperialists.
I mean, it's your birthday and you just had this awful thing happen.
You so deserve to be happy.
Thank you.
Claire, will you help me clear?
I'd love to, Mom, but I can't have it be just the women who clear.
Now it's just the women and people of colour who are clearing.
Thank you, Nate.
He really gets it.
Oh, I met your friend the other day.
Sophie?
Sophie?
I think it was Sophie.
A very outgoing kind of a person.
Sasha maybe.
Where did you meet her?
She stopped by to say hello to Federico.
Stopped by here?
A friend of mine?
That's what he said, I think.
Maybe I misunderstood.
This is beautiful.
Keith, nice.
I noticed your old one got chipped when you got...
That old one was ugly.
This is a seriously upscale accessory.
It is upscale.
Thank you.
Mine isn't meaningful enough.
I'm sure it's meaningful enough.
No, I want to make it better.
I'll give it to you later.
That one's from me.
That was very nice of you.
What did we get him?
A tie.
A gravy boat.
No, it's a neti pot.
A neti pot?
It's an ancient Ayurvedic instrument for cleansing the sinus passages.
May I see that?
You fill it with warm water and add some salt and then pour it through the sinus, like so.
That's OK, I get it.
Keep you from getting sick.
I've used one every day for 30 years, hardly had a cold in all that time.
Every day?
I've never seen you do that.
I do it in the kitchen when I get back from my morning walk.
You do that in my kitchen?
Over the sink.
Where do you keep your nostril pot?
Neti pot.
On the top shelf of the cupboard.
So I won't know about it.
Where it's out of the way.
You want it to be one of your nasty secrets!
Ruth, that's enough.
Claire?
Could you help me find something tart?
Yeah.
This is my friend Jimmy.
He's a really amazing artist.
Yes, I am.
Jimmy, you're not wearing any clothes.
Is David all right?
He barely ate a thing.
Well, it's a shock, any kind of incident that gets physical.
Those bruises.
Why'd anyone hurt someone who was doing what they were told to do?
I don't know, Ruth.
There's a lot more insanity in the world than people realise.
Sometimes I'm surprised it's just not total mayhem out there.
30.
31...32.
It totally smells like sex in here.
You missed a great show.
Somebody had better wash my sheets.
How was dinner?
It was kind of amazing.
I feel like I really connected with my family.
I wish you'd been there.
I wish you'd been here.
All these guys want to do is lick each other all night.
I just want to go roll in the grass.
Let's go.
We have some really amazing grass outside.
Tonight?
Lsn't there any way I can catch up with y'all in Portland?
Replace me for the whole tour?
That's cold.
I just don't know if I can make it in tonight, dog.
All right.
OK.
Thanks.
Dog? "
We should all be working with dogs."
God, they were all in full form tonight.
The neti pot?
So do you have to go back tonight?
I told him I didn't think I could make it.
Keith, I'm OK.
If I needed you to stay, trust me, I'd tell you.
I don't trust that you would tell me.
Look at the show you put on for your family.
I don't want you to lose your job.
They'll just put me on somebody in LA.
You don't know that.
So what?
You're more important to me than a job.
I want my pool.
Come on, be real with me on this.
I am, I swear.
If you lost your job because of me, it would make me feel so much worse.
It really would.
Good night.
You're going to sleep?
Unless you have something you want to talk about.
No.
I just have to brush my hair.
And you want me to just lie here and watch you?
No.
That's really beautiful.
That's perfect.
Just put your face in the light a little more.
Just a little bit more to the left now.
OK, try not to look sexually objectified.
You sicko!
Come here.
Wait.
You have to feel this right now!
Wait!
OK.
Come here.
Oh, my God, this feels amazing.
Can you believe nature just makes this?
Nature doesn't make it, the landscapers do.
But nature came up with it and it's just lying around all over the world for people to roll around in.
No one ever does.
It's so fucking sad.
Did you ever play rolling pin when you were a kid?
No.
Wow, you can't even see the wound.
Where was he shot?
Point blank in the head.
They had him tied up for hours, then they shot him in the head.
Could they tell from the autopsy if he suffered?
I haven't seen the autopsy.
I thought you were in on all of that.
No, we're just...
We just take care of the funeral.
Excuse me.
911.
What is your emergency?
Hello?
What are you reporting?
I can't breathe.
Please hold for a paramedic.
Are you starting a new home or just making a new start?
We've got everything you'll need to make your home a haven of tranquillity and style.
Do you have a history of heart problems?
No.
Are you clammy, cold or sweaty?
Yes.
Do you have a history of panic attacks?
No, is that...
Could this be that?
Sure, shortness of breath without skin discoloration or heart pain.
Absolutely.
Have you been under any unusual stress lately?
Yes.
OK, sir, just stay calm and relaxed.
We'll have someone there shortly.
No, I'm OK.
I think I might be OK.
Sir, to be safe we should send...
No, thanks, I think I'm OK.
David?
I'm here.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You don't look so great.
I had a panic attack.
I called 911 because I thought I was dying.
How humiliating is that?
I thought I was dying when I woke up this morning.
What were you on last night?
I don't even know.
Some X-like thing.
I guess it was really strong.
Yeah.
It's fucked up to get carjacked.
It was more than that.
Yeah, I can see that.
It was more than this.
What do you mean?
It went on for hours.
At first, I thought he just wanted money.
Well, no, at first I thought he was just this cute boy in distress.
It's OK, I've fallen for, like, 50 cute boys in distress.
But then it was like...
I tried to do everything right, but it just made him want to torture me more.
Torture you?
He poured gasoline on me.
And he put a gun in my mouth...
long enough for me to think, "My life is over and I know nothing. "
I don't even know how to go."
My mind kept spinning, trying to grab onto something, but nothing was enough, Not even Keith or anyone.
Nothing was enough.
I forgot to pray.
Can you believe that?
I totally forgot to pray.
That's OK.
God saved you anyway, right?
I'm not going back.
I can't.
I'll go insane if I have to come back to this.
I don't know what to say.
He doesn't even want me to tell you.
Well, OK then, it's not that bad.
It is that bad.
You think he can't work at all?
I think he seriously cannot deal.
Maybe we can hire somebody.
I'm not sure having some stranger come in is going to be all that helpful.
It would've been nice if Mom hadn't fucked our only intern.
I've finally got a life I can stand.
He would do it for you.
Are you available for chopping?
If you so wish.
If I so wish?
What does that mean?
I'd appreciate it if you'd just ask me directly. "
Will you chop the cucumber?"
I did ask you directly.
No, you didn't.
You were making a point of my not helping you with dinner instead of just asking me to help.
You've been very mean to me all day.
I have not been mean to you.
I've been upset with you.
What have I done to you?
You embarrassed me in front of your entire family instead of confronting me directly.
I did confront you directly.
You made it clear you did not wish to be confronted directly.
That is completely untrue.
I answered every question you asked me, as I always do.
You pretended not to remember something that happened less than a year ago.
You forget things that happened yesterday!
Look, Ruth...
the past is not important to me.
I just want to be here in the present with you.
Yes, but there was a time when you wanted to be in the present with that woman at the party.
She had no idea you were going to leave her.
She went from being in the present to being in the past without realising it.
You are really starting to sound hysterical.
What changed for you?
With that woman or your first few wives.
It doesn't matter.
It does.
Why would you leave so many...
Because they asked too many fucking questions, that's why!
A very outgoing girl named Sophie, she said.
Oh, Sophia.
Yeah, she's a young mother from church that I'm helping.
A young mother from church?
I told Father Deegan I wanted to do charity work.
He gave me this family to help.
You know, like a big brother thing.
How come you never told me about this?
It was just between me and the Father.
And this outgoing young mother, what kind of help are you giving her?
Just, like, cans of food, old clothes, and toys and stuff, like, from the Fishers.
You're giving her stuff from the Fishers, but Ruth doesn't know?
No, no, she knows.
She just doesn't know that Sophia is the young mother in need.
I don't know why you would keep charity a secret.
It's the way you're supposed to do charity.
Come on, you tell your wife.
Well, the truth is, this is something I started doing when you were...
you know, not that easy to tell things to.
When your own family needed you, you started helping someone else?
Sometimes it makes your own problems seem less bad when you help someone who's got it even worse.
Hey.
Hi.
What are you...
What's up?
I don't know.
Are you OK?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just who I am.
Do you want to sit down?
I don't think that I can change.
I can't become this totally different person living this...
simple, happy little life.
Neither can I.
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