TV-Serie: Curb Your Enthusiasm - 11x10

♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ Well, just admit you took some of my fries.
It's okay.
Did you take the fry?
I didn't eat your fries.
Where'd they go, then?
What's the big deal?
Just eat!
What is the big deal?
Well, you tell me.
You're the one arguing about it.
Just say you took the-- Kids!
Kids!
Don't fight.
Don't fight.
What are you fighting for?
We're-- We're-- We're not fighting.
Well...
It's your line.
It's your line.
No, it's not.
Uh, wait...
Let's cut.
Uh, that'll be a cut I'll see if I can fix that.
It's not my line.
Okay.
I think you made a mistake.
Or maybe you did.
Is this my imagination...
I didn't forget!
...or is this getting worse?
It can't really get any worse.
It really can't, but it is.
Well, it'll be all over very soon, when the Santa Monica City Council votes to repeal the five-foot fence law, and it's looking really good.
Wow.
I cannot wait to kick him out of this stage.
Look at him sitting in my chair.
Oh, geez.
Hey, Lar.
Ah.
I'm being summoned.
Okay.
I don't even know what that means.
Well, it's not my line though.
Huh?
Oh, your daughter.
She's killing it, right?
I've never seen anything like it in my life.
Hey, but I did have a note.
Oh, did you?
Yeah.
They're arguing in the scene, right?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
And it's a big whole thing.
And I'm-- I'm in it, and I'm interested, but then Teddy comes in.
So your note is that we remove Ted Danson from the scene so that there's more Maria Sofia?
I didn't think of it that way, but yeah.
By the way, you know you're sitting in my chair?
Yeah, I saw Maria has one too.
So why don't you sit in her chair?
Well, that's where she sits.
Yeah.
What's up?
Oh, something's up.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's going on?
You-- You'll find out.
I can't wait, man.
Spill it.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, you're gonna find out.
Something's going on.
I'm in.
Great.
Hey, Stan.
Hey, Larry.
Wondering if you could do me a favor.
Sure.
How do I stop people from sitting in my chair?
What do I do?
Well, there's one thing I can do, but I wouldn't suggest it.
What is it?
I can rope off your chair.
Oh, yeah.
But if there's anything else you can try, Larry, I'd suggest it before we rope it.
Once you rope it, there's no turning back.
I mean, that follows you around forever.
You ever seen all about Sir John Gielgud?
John Gielgud?
Sir John Gielgud.
You know, when he was shooting Julius Caesar, he had 'em rope off the chair.
He didn't work again for four years.
You don't want to be another Sir John Gielgud, do you?
So what'll it be, Larry?
Hmm?
Rope it, Stan.
Rope it.
All right.
My kit is there, this is where I would sit right here, and have breakfast in the morning.
This is a breakfast nook.
It is a puzzle corner!
You are crowding the nook!
Take your breakfast and go to-- Potato chips?
What is the matter with you?
Why are you eating potato chips for breakfast?
Leon eats potato chips in the morning.
That's me talking in the third person.
My first person loves 'em, my second person, and my third Leon person love potato chips in the morning!
That is my puzzle corner, not a nook!
No, no!
It's a breakfast nook!
It's not a nook anymore!
Hey!
Hey!
What the hell is going on here?
Leon is about sick and tired of this shit, Larry!
This is my cat puzzle, and this is his breakfast.
And he will not move his breakfast.
She likes her puzzle.
She likes to do the puzzle, you know.
I do.
Ah, you gon' play your boy like that?
You know, Leon, I don't think you've realized something.
Mm-mm.
Larry and I are in a relationship.
That's what's happening?
Yes.
We are in a beautiful relationship, and you-- ever heard the expression "third wheel"?
How about "two's company, three's a crowd"?
That's wrong.
It's Three's Company.
With one guy and two girls in the same apartment.
The Regal Beagle!
Regal Beagle!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Come on.
Take it easy.
Let her do the puzzle.
Thank you.
Well, you know what?
You enjoy your puzzle.
Now, don't be surprised if this thousand-piece puzzle turns into a 999-piece puzzle.
You would not dare.
Would I?
You would not dare.
Larry, you hear what he said to me?
Don't you dare...
Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Hey, hey, hey!
Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
My god.
I can't take it anymore with this guy, Larry.
It's-- It's him or it's me.
What?
Yes.
He goes, or I go.
All right, I'll talk to him later.
Talk to him now.
Okay?
Now, Larry!
Go tell him, Larry!
Hey, sorry about that.
Yeah, you should be sorry, Larry.
I am.
However, um, it pains me to say this, but...
you're gonna have to leave for a few days.
Oh, I see.
You're choosing her over me.
No, it's only until they vote to repeal, and then you can come back.
I gotta get rep-- I gotta get that fence law repealed.
I gotta get that girl out of the show.
You understand all that.
Look, I got another Mary Ferguson coming here, okay?
From Arizona.
Know what I mean?
If I get out right now, I gotta fuckin' pack shit.
I gotta bring all my stuff for my trip on Thursday.
You're leaving Thursday?
Fuck yeah, I'm leaving Thursday.
Oh, okay.
So when you come back from Asia, she'll be gone.
I feel like something in you, it-- it-- you're enjoyin' this shit.
Are you insane?
Happens all the time, Larry.
People fall in love with their motherfuckin' captors and shit.
Something called, s-- uh-- uh-- Stockholm-- Like-- uh-- Stockholm syndrome?
You Stockholm tappin'.
That's what the fuck you doin'.
I am not Stockholm tapping.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I am not.
I hate every second of it.
Let's figure out where you can go.
Swat?
No, I can't go to Swat.
You know what?
I'll call Jeff.
Okay.
I'm gonna go over there, you know, but I don't-- I'm not gonna like it.
I don't want him here, Lar.
He's a menace.
Look what's happening in my kitchen right now 'cause of the leak that he caused.
He has no place to stay.
And listen, it's only a few days.
He's leaving Thursday night.
And by the way, he's great to have around the house.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
How'd you like to wake up in the morning and have a smoothie waiting for you?
Would you like that?
I'd like that, yeah.
And, you know, he's a wonderful cook.
He makes a spaghetti carbonara that I-- I-- I've been to Italy.
I haven't had anything like it.
Really?
Leon?
Really.
Well, no, not really.
I-- I kind of made that up.
Does he make the smoothies?
No.
No, no, no.
What's the straight dope?
You know what he does?
He doesn't eat anything healthy.
If you have healthy food in the house, he will not touch it.
And that is a guarantee!
No fruits or vegetables will be touched.
Yeah, it's just a few days.
Come on.
You know what?
I will allow Leon to stay here for a few nights.
Thank you!
I'll do this for you, you've gotta do something for me.
Always with the quid pro quo.
I don't even know what this is.
Colonel Vindman, you know who he is.
I love Vindman.
He's a hero, yeah.
Amazing.
He's amazing.
How many people would've blown the whistle on Trump?
So, he's doing an event at the Holocaust Museum.
Yeah, I know, I'm going.
I was thinking, I wanna have a party for Vindman, introduce him to some celebrities, some Hollywood people, make him feel at home in Los Angeles.
That's very nice.
I'll go, yeah, I'll go.
Yeah, of course you're gonna go, but here's the issue.
I can't have it here 'cause of the kitchen, number one, and also, since the surgery, I'm supposed to lay low and rest.
How'd your vagina surgery go?
I haven't even asked.
It was good.
It went well.
So you got a new vagina?
I have a new vagina.
I mean, it's gonna be like I'm an 18-year-old again.
Right, Jeff?
Let me ask you this question.
What?
And I'll say this in front of you.
Would you consider maybe, uh...
me sampling your wares?
Is that possible?
My vagina?
Yes!
Would you mind?
Not at all, feel free.
You wouldn't care?
You have at it, my friend.
Thank you for that.
You're welcome.
I have no say, I guess.
He doesn't care!
I know you're making fun of me right now, anyway.
It's not gonna fucking happen.
Oh, you're breaking my heart.
Yeah.
So tell him what you want from him.
Anyway, what can I do for you?
Could we have it in your house?
The party for Vindman?
It'll be catered, so don't worry about anything.
So I don't have to do anything.
Party's over, I go upstairs, right?
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
Okay, great.
You got it.
Should we have a sushi bar and maybe just finger food?
Maybe a pass around?
Just pass around-- You know, I'm picturing your kitchen, with the-- You do have that big island.
We could do a buffet...
...and just stuff that's not really hot, that doesn't need to be-- just cold food, like a cold platter, perhaps.
Maybe deli, maybe he likes deli.
What are you humming?
What is that?
You know the Oscar acceptance speech, when they go on too long?
Yeah.
So they have to cue 'em to get off stage?
That's the music they play.
You're playing that to me right now, doing the menu?
Yeah.
Get the fuck out!
Just get the fuck out, okay?
Okay, okay.
We're, um, gonna go have lunch with Walt.
I'm playing you off!
Cutting you off!
-♪ ♪ Oh, we in business?
Whoo, my man!
Hey!
Hey.
How you doin'?
Good to see ya.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, Walt.
Get outta here!
Come here, you.
How you been?
It's been forever, you know.
I don't even know the last time I saw you.
You look great!
Thanks.
You know what, I'm gonna hit the head real quick, okay?
I'll be back in a second, fellas.
All right.
Don't order without me.
Wh-- what's the matter?
He just touched my penis with his penis.
Really?
Yeah, our penises connected.
Who does that?
I don't know.
He doesn't know how to hug a man.
You have to get your butt back.
You hug a woman, your butt goes back.
Isolate the penis.
Maybe he's never been taught.
You don't need to be taught that.
It's like an instinct, like not putting your hand in fire.
Maybe he was so excited, he just lost track of where his penis was.
No, no.
There's never been a moment of my life that I did not have total penis awareness.
It's subconscious, by the way.
Of course, yeah.
Total.
You know, is it-- Is she dead, Nadia Comaneci?
I don't even know.
Who?
Uh, Nadia Comaneci.
Yeah.
Oh.
I don't know.
Strange.
Hmm.
-♪ ♪ How much crap do you bring?
This is crazy!
I thought you're staying a few days.
What is this?
This is all my stuff.
Just get all this crap outta here, okay?
I get it.
I fucking get it.
Give me a hand?
No, no, no.
I just had surgery, I don't do any heavy lifting.
I'm asking you to lift it up with your hands, not your vagina.
All right, enough.
Get in the bedroom.
Get-- get rid of this crap.
Shit, man.
Hey.
You're nice, huh?
All brand-new downstairs and shit?
Yeah, it's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
Hey, if you want a brother, you know, put some nice highway miles on that motherfucker, let me know.
Get the fuck in the bedroom, and get rid of this crap!
All right, I got you.
I don't know.
I wanted a little bit more back and forth.
Morning.
Is that doable?
Okay.
Well, then we'll just-- we'll just keep it here for the moment.
Morning.
Morning.
Um...
We're going to get started in the deli in about five.
Okay.
Okay.
Roped off your chair, huh?
Yeah.
I did.
Not a good idea, buddy.
Well, I couldn't stand seeing that guy sitting in it any longer.
People are starting to get ticked off.
It's not gonna end well, I promise you.
Humphrey Bogart roped off on High Sierra.
No one on that crew ever worked with him again.
Is that right?
Yeah, true story.
See what I'm saying?
Nobody likes a roper, man.
All right, everyone, first team rehearsal.
Hey, Lar.
Hey, Stan.
Thanks for, uh...
making that rope.
Oh, no worries.
I tell you, some set of balls, puttin' that there.
Yeah.
Oh, before I forget.
My uncle Michael wanted to say hello.
He used to work for you on Seinfeld.
He was a transpo guy.
Oh, really?
For a couple of months, yeah.
How's, uh...
how's he doing?
He's doing okay.
He-- he's back in Ireland.
Grandfather passed away...
Uh-huh.
...so Michael had to go back and take care of the family farm, you know?
Yeah.
Sure.
So he went back.
He's got about 60 acres of land, about 65 miles outside Dublin, a place called Goy.
It's got a ton of cattle, sheepdogs.
You know, he's a prize winner potato grower now.
Would you believe that?
He's doing a fantastic job.
He's selling them all over Europe.
Now he's making really good coin, you know?
But-- but Michael doesn't-- He's walking like a Trojan, and he-- he's very grateful for what you did for him, and he just wanted me to say hello to you, so anyway, thanks, Larry.
I feel very strongly about this.
A lot of people complained to me.
And I think it's a personal freedom.
They do not like that they have to have a five-foot fence in their backyard.
Yes.
Yet again, we are dealing with government overreach.
Oh, yeah.
That's it I feel very passionate.
Come on.
I feel very passionate on this issue.
Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
Yeah, it makes sense.
Don't five-foot fence me in!
Excuse me, Irma, the five-foot fence is a safety issue.
You don't fence a dock by a lake.
We don't fence the ocean.
The ocean, really?
I vote to repeal this horrible law.
We have had a very full session today.
I would recommend that we take a vote Thursday, on repealing the five-foot fence rule.
All in favor?
Aye.
Aye.
Okay, the ayes have it.
Uh, we are moving on now to Councilmembers Johnson and Chung.
Thank you, Councilmember Weinblatt.
I propose that the council direct staff to explore possible options...
That's my wife.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Melinda.
Cool.
-...regarding the proper temperature regulation of food...
Where'd you meet her?
BYU.
BYU?
Yeah.
You Mormon?
I am.
How many wives do you have?
Just one, just Melinda.
Just one?
Yeah.
I mean, you got this incredible opportunity to get three or four or whatever.
Well, a lot of people think that it's kind of an outdated idea.
Seems like monogamy is an outdated idea.
Not for me, not for me.
Boy, oh, boy.
Kinda surprised you're not taking that Mormon advantage, you know.
It's like a tall guy who doesn't play basketball.
No, I'm happily married.
Yeah.
No, of course you are.
So as a reminder, we will be voting next Thursday to rename the traffic circle.
After the deceased utility worker?
Let me ask you this question.
Correct.
If I converted to Mormonism, could I get more than one?
I mean technically, yeah.
But I mean, you'd have to convert to a different religion.
Is there an exam or something?
There isn't just an exam, you have to meet with the higher-ups at the church, like the clergy of the church.
And they would-- Yeah.
They would suss you out.
I could fool them easily, yeah.
Well...
It's just that I wouldn't wanna do the studying.
It's a lot to do, just to have more than one wife.
Yeah.
I gotta say, it's an appealing proposition though.
Because you have one, after two days you go to number two.
You get tired of two, you move on to three.
By the time you're done with three, you're ready to go back to one.
It's like a manager with a pitching staff.
Don't you want a break?
When she goes away for a weekend, aren't you secretly thrilled?
No.
I miss her sometimes.
Imagine how much you'd miss her...
if it was a weekly thing.
You'd be missing her all the time.
Anyway, yeah, forget it.
It's, eh-- Don't worry about it.
I'm sure it's great.
It is.
Thank you all for your passionate exchange, I do appreciate it.
Meeting is adjourned.
Have a good one.
Yeah.
Good going.
Excellent.
Very good.
Good job.
Look at you-- your glasses are filthy.
What?
What are you talking about?
What are you showing up looking like this for?
I told you to wear your blazer with the gold buttons.
Look at you.
It's layering everywhere.
So what?
I wanted you to come along and look smart, okay?
Ah, Councilwoman Yovanovitch, Councilman Weinblatt, Councilman Chung.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello, pleasure to be here.
I'm Larry David.
Thank you for coming.
Yes, thank you.
I love this.
Very educational and enlightening.
Melinda.
Yeah, you remember Micah.
Yes, of course.
Oh, how do you do?
Hi.
Your husband and I had a very nice chat.
Yeah.
They have eight children.
Do you have pictures?
Yeah, we do.
Yes, we do.
You wanna see some?
That's-- I'll see 'em later.
Sure.
You're from Salt Lake?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you-- Oh, you're so lucky.
Oh, you've been there?
No, I haven't.
You have to go.
You have to go.
I would kill to go there.
You've heard the Tabernacle-- the choir?
What's more beautiful than castrated boys singing?
It's so beautiful.
We have to go.
Have to, have to.
We have to go.
Melinda, Larry is so passionate about the don't-fence-me-in-- I actually-- I am in full support of the five-foot fence repeal law.
It ruins the aesthetics of a yard.
Yes, totally.
That's great, because Thursday, there'll be a vote and then it'll be behind us.
It'll be over.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Right.
Yes.
Okay.
Take care.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah, that's good.
Yeah!
Love a different bed!
Whoo!
Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
Huh?
What?
Larry.
I can't sleep.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, my God.
What?
Come on.
It's three o'clock in the morning!
Oh, who cares?
Who cares?
Come on.
I'm ti-- Let's go.
Come on.
I want you.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
It's gonna be a fucking nightmare, Jeff!
This guy's a fuck machine!
Oh, yeah!
Shut the fuck up!
What is this, a fucking brothel?
Mary fucking Ferguson!
Leon!
Whoo!
♪ ("HABANERA" BY GEORGES BIZET PLAYING) ♪ There he is.
Larry!
Oh, hey, Walt.
Hey-- Whoa-- Whoa, whoa.
Oh!
Oh, no.
Oh, man.
You need a stick or something.
This is all your fault!
What?
You came in penis first.
You gotta get the penis back.
I just came in to hug you.
No, I know.
But that's-- We've been seeing each other a lot lately.
It's-- it's not a male hug.
There's an unwritten rule for male hugging.
There's no rules to hugging.
You wanna see how to hug?
Hey, watch.
Watch this.
Charlie!
Give me a hug.
I haven't seen you in a long time.
Come here.
See?
Look.
See what's going on here?
You see the separation?
Yes, I see the space.
There's a big gap.
Okay?
Our penises aren't locked in mortal combat.
That's like enemies hugging.
Okay, get out of here.
That's not a hug!
That's like an old-time photographer pose.
Yeah-- No-- That's male hugging.
I've been hugging fine.
Nobody else has a problem with it.
Believe me!
They've objected to it, they just haven't told you.
Oh, great.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, Lar.
Hmm.
Moving, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Listen, this Leon, it's like he's making a fuckin' porno movie.
He's fucking in every room in the house.
This is fantastic news.
What's fantastic about it?
Because he's getting along with the new Mary Ferguson, the one from, uh, Phoenix.
How long am I gonna have to deal with this?
Till Thursday.
And then what?
Irma's out.
Ooh.
Maria Sofia, Marcos.
Gone.
Gone, yeah.
Do you have somebody to replace her?
Lily Collins.
She's fantastic.
Great, right?
Fantastic.
I just saw Vindman in the hallway.
Yeah.
You saw Vindman?
Is he gonna sign these?
I hope so.
We bought these books.
Yeah.
Larry, what is this?
Where are your shoes?
What the fuck?
Ah, I threw 'em out.
Why?
I had an accident outside.
I stepped in the...
In dog poop?
Yeah.
Why didn't you wash it off?
Wash my shoes off?
Are you serious?
You want me to go in the sink?
Yes.
With what, a file?
They get deep in the crevices there.
You can't get that out.
Once it's in, it's done.
I mean, I could've had the one shoe option, but is that any better?
It's ridiculous.
And your socks are ridiculous.
The socks and the shoes, not that much of a difference.
It's like a thin shoe.
-'Kay, it's not a shoe, it's a sock.
You know it, we know it, everybody knows it.
Everyone knows it.
Okay, so I'm walking around with socks.
It's better than coming in here with a stinky sneaker in the Holocaust Museum of all places!
Where's your girlfriend?
Is she here?
No, she couldn't come because her grandfather died in the Holocaust.
Too much for her.
Yeah.
Too much, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
I understand that.
Yeah.
What's her name again?
Irma.
Irma, right.
She's a beauty.
Hey, um, Ted told me that you roped off your chair on the set.
Yeah.
I mean, who does-- You know who does that?
Tyne Daly did that...
Oh, on Cagney & Lacey.
On Cagney & Lacey.
I remember.
Sharon Gless wouldn't talk to her for years.
Years.
Yeah.
You think I wanna be a roper, huh?
You think I wanted to rope off?
You think I wanna walk down the street, have people point at me and go, "There's a roper"?
No.
I don't wanna be a roper, but I was forced into it 'cause Maria Sofia and Marcos, they kept sitting on the chair.
They're new to this, they don't know the etiquette.
It's got my name on it.
A name should be respected.
Well, I have my monogram on my towels, and Leon jizzed all over 'em.
Okay.
Hey, you guys.
We're in a Holocaust museum.
I know where we are.
I think you should watch your language.
The point is, it never would've happened.
But they got me by the balls.
By the balls.
Why do they have him by the balls?
Oh, Cheryl, it is such a long story, I can't even.
All this stuff is historical.
People always look like somebody you know.
Don't listen to a word he says.
Oh!
L.D.
Larry, I want you to meet-- Don't even tell me.
Don't even tell me.
I'm just gonna take a guess.
Okay.
Mary Ferguson.
So you're going Asia with this man?
I'm going, Thursday!
Wow.
I'm excited.
Where's your fucking shoes at, man?
Oh.
Is it a Jewish thing?
Yeah, actually, if you don't want to wear a yarmulke, you can go without shoes.
Oh, shit.
Who-- who fucking knew?
Did you read the book?
Yeah.
Two days.
Wow.
I watched the testimony from the beginning to end, twice.
He's amazing, isn't he?
He's a hero.
Yeah, he is.
True fucking hero.
Did you read the book?
I like audiobooks more.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but you can't really grasp it with an audiobook.
Hey, Larry.
Who's that?
That's a Mormon.
Ladies and gentlemen, please join us in the auditorium.
-The event is about to begin.
Uh-oh.
It's time.
Here we go.
Okay.
You are amazing.
I mean, I think the whole country was inspired by you.
And your book is fantastic.
Thank you.
Oh, my god.
Look at that, it's pouring.
Did you bring an umbrella?
Thank you for coming.
You're incredible.
Truly.
Gonna get you to sign my audiobook.
Terrific.
My man.
-♪ ♪ All right, I have a lot of people to introduce you to.
This is Larry's house.
It's not my house, as you know.
You know these guys, right?
Yeah.
Oh, hey.
You having a good time?
Yeah, lovely house.
Oh, really?
Thank you.
Ours is nicer, but we had to have the party here for various reasons.
Just trying to be diplomatic.
Yeah, I understand.
Why'd you wear golf shoes?
Oh, they're from the museum.
Those are the ones?
Yeah.
You're still wearing them?
You know, they're very comfortable.
They really knew how to make a shoe back then.
Yeah.
Well, they had cobblers.
Cobblers, of course.
Cobblers.
We need cobblers.
Hey, you want something?
You want a little-- You want somethi-- You want one of these?
No, thanks.
I don't blame you, it's dry.
Can I get you a drink?
No, I don't drink.
You don't drink?
I'm in recovery.
Oh.
I mean, as Larry knows, I have a terrible relationship...
Yeah, here we go.
-...with alcohol.
Here we go.
I was a horrible person.
I was blacking out in council meetings.
And then my personal low, I woke up, I was 50 miles outside of Bakersfield, with no pants on and a casino chip in my hand.
And I had no idea how I got there.
That's when I realized I had to get help, so I'm in the program, which is just fantastic.
And I had to acknowledge that there's a higher power.
You have to give yourself over.
Uh, I had a sponsor.
-♪ (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE) ♪ I had four Steves and one Eric.
And I have to go.
I have to-- I have to go mingle out there.
But I thank you for asking.
God bless you, Jeff, for caring and asking.
If you ever get into the situation-- But thank you.
Thank you!
God bless!
God bless!
God bless!
God bless!
Wow!
Wow!
Wow!
-♪ ♪ Can you believe it?
That's unbelievable.
Works every time.
I read your book.
Amazing.
What are you doing now?
Just hanging out or...
Working on another book project, so...
You know what a good book title would be?
What?
-China and Russia on that Bullshit.
You mind if I use that?
Take that.
Run with it.
I mean...
Yeah.
That's straightforward.
People love that.
You and I have a lot in common, actually.
We do?
Yeah.
My dad was in the Army.
Must be fucking nice being a fucking hero.
How does that feel?
I just, uh...
still getting used to it, frankly.
I mean, how did you do that?
I could've never done that.
I would be so scared.
It was easy.
I was just up there telling the truth.
You know what's even easier?
To lie.
All you need is five good lies, and it'll take you through the rest of your life.
How do you keep your stories straight?
Just hang around with dumb people.
Hmm.
Well, it was nice talking to you guys.
It was really great meeting you.
See you guys in a bit.
Okay.
All right.
Bye.
I'll see you later.
Oh, man.
He's something.
He's something else, man.
What do you mean?
You didn't hire someone to clean up?
Why not?
It's not my house, it's your house.
This is not Chuck E.
Cheese, you don't just come in here and-- and have a-- a big party and leave.
Call a service.
Larry, I gotta talk to you.
Susie, could we have a moment, please?
He's all yours, Irma.
Did you tell Micah Johnson to get a girlfriend?
No, not like that.
Well, Melinda just called me.
She is-- she's devastated.
She's-- What-- Why would you do this?
Well, I was-- we-- you know, we were having a discussion about the Mormon advantage-- Why would you do something-- You know, we've lost her vote.
What?
She said she's not gonna vote for the repeal?
She's not gonna vote 'cause she's mad at you.
What-- what can we do?
I don't know what she-- what you want to do.
Does she have any interests?
What's her favorite charity?
Well, they're very active in their church.
Oh!
Yeah.
I'll make a donation!
A donation.
They need a new organ.
They're always talking about-- The kids like to play, yeah.
I'm gonna call her.
I'll fix this, I'll fix this.
I got this.
Oh, well, be very, very-- I got it.
She's very unhappy.
I'm gonna fix this.
It was just a simple Mormon misunderstanding.
And again, I really want to apologize.
Well, thank you, Larry.
I do appreciate your apology.
You know, the Mormons are a great people.
I hear wonderful things about them.
I'd like to do something for them.
I'd like to make a donation.
Nobody's ever seen a donation like this.
A large donation like that could make a difference in so many lives.
I'm also wondering if it's possible you could do me a little favor.
A favor?
Yeah, I would love to have your vote to get rid of five-foot fence law.
It would be great to have a repeal, a big, beautiful repeal.
You know, a lot of people have been talking about that law, telling me what a disgrace it is.
Some very bad people were involved, -some very bad hombres.
Really?
I-- I had no idea.
What about Councilmember Yovanovitch?
I heard she's voting against it.
Yovanovitch, she's no angel.
She's gonna go through some things, believe me.
Oh, my.
Uh, and what about Head Councilmember Weinblatt?
There's a lot of talk about Weinblatt's son.
His father got him a job at that construction company.
You know what they make?
N-- no.
Fences!
Fences, really?
Yeah, fences.
It's a disgrace, and people are saying it needs to get looked into.
I didn't know any of this was going on behind the scenes.
Oh, yeah.
That's why your vote is so important to me.
Well, I mean, I did initially feel this way anyway.
Yeah, the donation that I was telling you about, we could transfer that tonight.
So do we have a deal?
You can count on me.
That's fantastic news.
This is great.
Thank you, Larry.
I'm so glad you called.
Me too.
Okay.
Bye!
You're using the upstairs bathroom?
Yeah, the one downstairs is occupied.
Yeah, you know, the master bathroom, it's-- it's like the bathroom at the officer's club.
It's kind of off limits.
I'm an officer.
Hmm...
not in this house.
I heard the call, Larry.
What?
I'm concerned by the call.
It was a perfect call.
That call was far from perfect.
No, no, it was perfect!
Perfect call!
What you did on that call was completely improper.
Improper?
Let me ask you a question.
Where'd you get those shoes?
Um...
my uncle, uh, was in World War II.
He gave them to me.
I'm sure you could do better than that, Larry.
Okay, my father gave them to me.
What are you gonna do?
I'm going to transcribe that call.
And I'm sending it to the head of Santa Monica City Council.
Why-- why would you do that?
It's the right thing to do to report it.
It's my duty.
Your duty?
Your duty?
Come on, enough with your duty!
There's too much duty.
You're off duty!
You steal shoes from the Holocaust Museum.
It was raining.
You rope off chairs.
It's my chair.
And you bribe councilwomen.
Eh.
And I'm sure Head Councilman Weinblatt will be very interested in hearing about all this.
What?
Vindman!
Vindman!
What are you-- What are you doing, Vindman?
No, don't do it!
Come on, Vindman.
Come on, give me a break!
You don't understand what's at stake here.
Whatever I did, it wasn't half as bad as your using the upstairs master bathroom!
That's the real crime!
It was a perfect call!
A perfect call!
Well, that was a great honor to have such a hero in the house today as Vindman, huh?
Yeah.
One of the top whistleblowers of all time.
That was incredible courage.
Where'd you get those shoes?
Hmm?
Uh...
In the-- my garage, they were in a box.
Oh.
I think it belonged to a great uncle, from, uh, you know, the old country.
You know, my bubbie, my grandfather, Yitzhak Maultsevitch, he wore similar shoes, you know?
Oh, yeah?
I have a photograph of him before the war.
I tell you.
Yeah.
Well, we had a hero in the house today.
If I could just do something as brave in my political career.
Let me tell you something, sister, okay?
You're doing something more heroic.
You're repealing that five-foot fence law.
Vindman's gonna be looking up to you one day.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Saying, "I wish I could be more like Irma Kostroski.
She took on Big Fence."
Yeah, well, we've got the vote, so we shall see.
You'll be able to run on that.
I got news for you.
When's the last time you had the passport?
I don't fucking know, Larry!
I have to be at the airport three hours early for fucking international flights and shit.
I got a fuckin' few hours left, man.
I need my damn passport!
Hey, city council's voting tonight to repeal.
It's tonight already?
It's tonight.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Where the fuck's the passport?
Even if they vote to repeal it, it's all gonna be meaningless if Weinblatt reads that Vindman transcript.
Are you sure Weinblatt hasn't read it already?
No, 'cause it couldn't have come until today, and Irma told me that he's been at the council all day.
So what are you gonna do?
Are those in there?
I know he lives with his mother.
And I'm gonna talk my way in and...
Damn it!
...hopefully find the transcript.
Oh, gosh.
I can't find the passport!
You know what?
I had to get a license to get a passport.
Know what I'm saying?
I used my real full name too.
What's your full name?
Leon Luscious Black.
Your middle name is Luscious?
It's Lucius, but I pronounce it Luscious.
Everybody calls me Luscious.
Oh.
Need some help?
Fuck yeah, my flight's in a few hours, Larry.
I need help.
I can't get on the fucking plane with no goddamn passport.
I feel like I'm doing my part by allowing him to be in my house.
-♪ ♪