TV-Serie: The Simpsons - 1x9
{580}{661}Whoops.|Whoops.
{661}{741}This is gonna be the best|birthday breakfast Mom ever had.
{745}{811}Hey, Lis.|You think that's enough for her?
{814}{880}- Maybe one more.
{883}{981}- I hope she likes|the presents we got her.|- She'll like mine.
{985}{1099}Who wouldn't like a bottle|of real French perfume|all the way from gay Paree?
{1101}{1161}Four bucks, plus tax.
{1164}{1234}I think she's going to like|my handmade birthday card better.
{1236}{1359}Oh, big deal.
Dry macaroni,|spray paint and glue.
Whoopie.
{1528}{1612}Dibs.
First dibs.|I get to lick the beaters.
{1612}{1762}Ow!
Ow!
Ow!
Litha, my "ongue"|is "uck" in the "eaters."
My "ongue"!
{1944}{2011}Happy birthday!
{2013}{2073}Huh?
What?
{2076}{2157}- Here's your birthday breakfast.|- Oh!
{2157}{2249}- Isn't this nice?
{2249}{2334}- My birthday?
It's my birthday?|- No!
{2337}{2412}What did I get?|I love birthdays.
{2412}{2511}- No, Homer, it's mine.|- You don't even know|your own wife's birthday?
{2513}{2618}Well, of course I know.|Sure.
{2622}{2691}You really thought|I forgot, didn't you?
{2693}{2759}- Oh, right.
What did you get her, Dad?|- What did you get?
{2762}{2877}Uh, well,|a vey thoughtful gift.
{2880}{2940}But it's a surprise.
{2940}{3000}You know, it's such|a beautiful morning, {3000}{3092}I think I'll take a little stroll|around the block.
{3270}{3338}- I think he forgot, Mom.|- Mm-hmm.
{3455}{3564}Oh, no.
Come on.|Come on.
Open up!
{3566}{3624}Good morning, consumers.
{3626}{3710}The Springfield Mall is now open|for your spending needs.
{3779}{3860}Hmm?
Uh...
no.
{3862}{3935}Too salty.
{3937}{4001}Um...
nah.
{4004}{4061}Hmm?
Nah, too corny.
{4064}{4162}Too exciting.
{4165}{4255}Patty, he's out|buying me something right now.
{4259}{4394}Oh, Marge.|He never gets anything you want.|He always gets something for himself.
{4396}{4486}- The tackle box.|- Remember when he got you|the tackle box?
{4489}{4621}- And Connie Chung.|- And when he surprised you|with the Connie Chung calendar?
{4621}{4696}I'm sure he doesn't|do it deliberately.
{4699}{4808}Hmm.
Hmm!
{4808}{4930}Well, Homer and I had a lovely|dining experience at Chez Pierre.
{4933}{4990}Or the Rusty Barnacle|is nice.
{4993}{5050}No, no, no.
{5053}{5152}We wanna take you someplace fun--|The Singing Sirloin.
{5155}{5260}The place where the waiters sing.
{5317}{5400}- Homer?|- Be right there.
{5488}{5608}Homer, we're having dinner tonight|at The Singing Sirloin.
{5610}{5722}That sounds delightful.|Just you and me and the balladeers.
{5724}{5782}- And the kids.|- Fair enough.
{5784}{5863}- And my sisters.|- Doh!
{5992}{6127}How we danced|on the night we were wed {6127}{6186}Havin' my baby {6186}{6282}What a lovely way to say|how much you love me {6286}{6406}Nearer my God to thee {6408}{6565}- Nearer to thee {6600}{6683}Oh, perfume!
{6683}{6777}Whoa!
Hmm.|Thank you, Bart.
{6777}{6861}- You're welcome, Mom.|- 34 years old.
{6863}{6962}Time enough to start over|with a new man.
{6962}{7043}- Someone who eats|with his mouth shut.|- What's that, Patty?
{7043}{7112}Nothing.|Finish your steak.
{7116}{7191}- Look at him wolfdown|that gristle.|- Mm-hmm.
{7193}{7251}It's an accident waiting to happen.
{7254}{7311}Do you know|the Heimlich Maneuver?
{7314}{7374}- No.|- Good.
{7451}{7509}I think she likes|my present better.
{7511}{7575}- Does not.
Does not.
Does not.|- Does too.
Does too.
{7577}{7659}Then how come she's not|putting on any of your perfume?
{7659}{7719}Yeah.|Hey, Mom.
{7719}{7799}How come you're not putting on|any of my perfume?
{7802}{7874}Mm.
{7877}{7972}Well, I'm saving it|for a special occasion.
{7976}{8043}What the hell are you talking about?|There's gallons of it!
{8045}{8135}- Bart!|- But this occasion|is already so special.
{8138}{8195}If we made it|any more special, {8198}{8261}we might end up|making it less special.
{8264}{8348}- Gotcha.
Told ya she liked mine better.|- Oh, brother!
{8351}{8411}Hold on.|Hold on now.
{8414}{8510}Your mother hasn't opened|my present yet.
{8513}{8594}Happy birthday to you {8596}{8654}Happy birthday to you {8657}{8768}Happy 34th birthday,|Mrs.
Homer Simpson {8770}{8942}Happy birthday to you {9047}{9152}Oh.
Don't worry.|This frosting will come right off.
{9154}{9212}Beauty, isn't she?
{9214}{9325}It's hard for me to judge|since I've never bowled in my life!
{9328}{9418}Well, if you don't want it,|I know someone who does.
{9586}{9652}You always say we should talk.
{9652}{9718}I'm talking right now,|as a matter of fact.
{9721}{9784}But I'm going to stop|in a second, {9784}{9864}so please, say something back,|Marge, please?
{9864}{9931}I'm gonna stop talking...|now.
{9934}{10038}You bought that bowling ball|for you, not for me.
{10042}{10134}- What?
No.|- The holes were drilled|for your fingers.
{10138}{10195}I wanted to surprise you.
{10198}{10272}I couldn't very well chop your hand off|and bring it to the store.
{10276}{10342}You never intended for me|to use that ball.
{10345}{10402}If that's how you feel,|I'll take it back.
{10405}{10480}You can't take it back.|You had your name engraved on it!
{10482}{10557}- So you'd know it was from me!|- Homer, {10557}{10636}I'm keeping the ball...|for myself!
{10636}{10731}What?
But you don't|know how to bowl.
Oops.
{10735}{10803}I'm keeping it,|and I'm going to use it.
{10806}{10885}Thank you|for the present, Homer.
{10887}{10959}Well...
you're...|welcome.
{11205}{11271}Excuse me.|Where do I throw this?
{11274}{11334}- Over there.|- Thank you.
{11334}{11409}- You're gonna need a lane.|- No, thanks.
{11412}{11484}- I'm here out of spite.|- Can't bowl without a lane.
{11486}{11612}- Well, all right.|- Here you go.
You keep score on this.
{11616}{11679}- What size shoes do you wear?|- Never you mind.
{11679}{11739}You can't wear|street shoes on the lanes.
{11739}{11805}You gotta wear bowling shoes.|What size, please?
{11808}{11885}- 13 double "A."|- 13 double "A "?
{11891}{11984}This is the closest I've got.
{11984}{12044}A nine and a fifteen.
{12048}{12099}Thank you.|Hmm.
{12168}{12233}A little warm and moist.
{12236}{12293}Ugh!
{12326}{12383}Hmm.
{12539}{12614}Hmm.
{12755}{12875}So, 120 pins later,|I am the better man.
{12977}{13109}I don't see what he's doing|that's so different from what I'm doing.
{13112}{13169}Hmm.
{13234}{13322}Oh!
{13322}{13382}I'm--|I'm awfully sorry.
{13382}{13442}Entirely my fault.
{13442}{13504}It is nice|to meet you, {13549}{13579}Homer.
{13582}{13697}Oh, no, no.|Homer's my...
ball's name.
{13699}{13792}- I'm Marge.
{13888}{13981}Your fingers are so slender,|so feminine.
{13985}{14047}They're far too tapered|for the ball you're using.
{14050}{14150}You need something lighter.|More delicate.
{14152}{14210}Here.|Use my ball.
{14212}{14302}No.
No, thank you,|Mr., um, Brunswick.
{14305}{14377}- Call me Jacques.|-Jacques.
{14380}{14487}- Marge.|- I'll just use my ball.
{14491}{14538}As you wish.
{14542}{14647}Many people have senseless|attachments to heavy, clumsy things, {14647}{14707}such as this Homer|of yours.
{14707}{14802}- Hmm.|- May I ask you a bold question?
{14802}{14862}- Sure.|- You've never bowled before.
{14862}{14922}- Never.
No.|- No.
{14922}{14982}Then I will teach you.
{14986}{15085}- I don't wanna trouble you.|- Not at all.
I am a professional.
{15087}{15162}Roll the ball for me, Marge.|Let me see your form.
{15162}{15274}All right.
But I'm not vey good.
{15336}{15450}I can hit that one pin all right,|but the rest of them don't even wobble.
{15454}{15516}I can help you, Marge.|Pick up the ball.
{15519}{15591}Pick up Homer.|Pick him up.
{15594}{15651}Oh!
{15654}{15771}- Now throw.
Throw, damn you.|- But-- {15906}{15978}You're a very good teacher.
{15981}{16059}Yes, I am a very good teacher,|and I can teach you everything.
{16059}{16151}I can tell you what the little arrows|on the wood floor mean, {16151}{16212}which frame|is the beer frame.
{16215}{16274}I bet you don't know how to make|a five-seven-ten split.
{16274}{16340}- Do you, Marge?|- No.
{16344}{16424}But first of all, you yell,|"The eight-pin is a cop."
{16428}{16505}- Let it out, Marge.
Laugh loud.
{16505}{16580}Laugh out loud.|You'll lose weight.
{16583}{16640}- Oh, that's very funny.|- Feels good.
{16643}{16718}I didn't realize there was|so much to this game.
{16718}{16778}What do you charge|for lessons?
{16778}{16857}- Twenty-five dollars.|- Twenty-five dollars!
{16857}{16934}It's a $40 value.
{16934}{16994}Well, all right.|When do we start?
{16997}{17061}We have already begun.
{17136}{17216}Now this is living,|hey, kids?
{17219}{17314}Hot pizza--|the food of kings.
{17314}{17404}Don't be scared, Dad.|It's not so hard takin' care of us.
{17404}{17474}Lisa, I'm not scared.
{17474}{17555}I think it's a great chance|to spend some time with you kids.
{17558}{17636}Your mother always gets to be alone|with you, and now it's my turn.
{17732}{17801}Does the time|always drag like this?
{17803}{17912}First, you must get|to know your lane.
{17915}{18026}Feel the slickness.|Feel the satiny finish.
{18028}{18110}Caress it.|Experience it.
{18112}{18176}- Quite smooth, isn't it, Marge?|- Ooh, very smooth.
{18176}{18238}- Smooth?
Yes?|- Yes, vey.
Yes.
{18241}{18320}- Yes.
Smooth?
Yes.|- Smooth.
Yes.
{18322}{18404}You could eat off of it.|You hungry?
{18406}{18479}- Yes.|- Four onion rings!
{18481}{18554}Mmm.
Delicioso!
{18556}{18664}- My compliments to the delivey boy.|- We've eaten and eaten well.
{18667}{18792}What else do we have to do?|Let's check the list your mom left us.
{18792}{18904}Eat.
Mm-hmm.|Oh, clean up.
{18904}{18994}Don't worry, everybody.
This will be|a breeze if we all pitch in.
{19141}{19201}All right!|We're clean!
{19201}{19341}Now we'll...|put Maggie to bed.
{19345}{19435}Lullaby|and good night {19438}{19519}Go to bed|and sleep tight {19521}{19624}Close your eyes|Start to yawn {19626}{19716}Pleasant dreams|until the dawn {19935}{20037}- Homer.
Homer?|- Huh?
{20037}{20118}Oh, how was bowling?
{20122}{20182}It's a very|challenging hobby.
{20184}{20274}Sport, dear.|It's a sport, you silly thing.
{20277}{20435}Mm-hmm.
Butl think I'll do|much better tomorrow night.
{20435}{20495}You're going back?
{20495}{20589}Sure.
If you don't mind|taking care of the kids again.
{20592}{20669}Uh, no.|I don't mind.
{20673}{20729}Good night, Homer.
{20733}{20789}Good night.
{20838}{20933}- It is for you.|- Oh, Jacques, it fits.
{20937}{21029}You got it in my size,|and it has my name on it.
{21033}{21089}It's really for me.
{21092}{21201}Seventeen-fifty.|Enjoy it, my darling.
{22087}{22151}Here we are.
{22151}{22244}- You didn't have to drop me off.|- But I wanted to.
{22247}{22366}Marge, do you know how beautiful|you look in the moonlight?
{22366}{22451}Oh, Jacques.|I'm a married woman.
{22451}{22511}I know.
I know.
{22511}{22570}My mind says,"Stop,"|but my heart...
{22574}{22645}and my hips|cy," Proceed."
{22649}{22754}- Marge, darling,|I want to see you tomorrow.
{22756}{22894}Not at Barney's Bowlarama.
Away from|the thunderous folly of clattering pins.
{22898}{22969}- Meet me tomorrow for brunch.|- What's brunch?
{22973}{23068}You'll love it.
It's not quite|breakfast, it's not quite lunch, {23071}{23149}but it comes with a slice of|cantaloupee at the end.
{23153}{23263}You don't get completely what you would|at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
{23266}{23356}- I don't think so.|- Marge, darling, {23359}{23440}there are ten pins|in my heart.
{23443}{23500}You've knocked over eight.
{23503}{23578}Won't you please|pick up that spare?
{23578}{23704}Mm.
Mm.|All right!
{23899}{23970}- Marge?|- What, Homer?
{24013}{24069}Nothing.
{24294}{24367}-Uh-oh.
Schoolbus.
{24369}{24462}Here you go, kids.|Special lunches.
{24466}{24526}Lots of good things|for growing bodies...
{24526}{24586}and some treats|just for fun.
{24586}{24687}- Ay, caramba!|- Are you going bowling|again tonight, Mom?
{24691}{24753}Well, yes, I am,|as a matter of fact.
{24756}{24876}Here's more treats.|Your dad will take care of dinner.
{24879}{24948}Mmm, Wednesday.|Hoagie night.
{25011}{25148}Good-bye, Lisa.|My darling little Lisa.
{25197}{25290}Good-bye, Bart.|My special little guy.
{25347}{25416}Mmm!|Great lunches, eh, Lis?
{25416}{25566}Oh, Bart, don't you see?
This is what|psychologists call overcompensation.
{25566}{25661}Mom is wracked with guilt|because her marriage is failing.
{25665}{25721}Hey, don't|rock the boat, man.
{25725}{25785}Whatever it is,|we're making out like bandits.
{25787}{25850}Bart, I read about|what happens to kids...
{25854}{25922}whose parents no longer love|and cherish each other.
{25925}{26000}They go through|eight separate stages.
{26004}{26090}Right now,|I'm in stage three, fear.
{26094}{26154}You're in stage two,|denial.
{26154}{26214}- No, I'm not.|- Yes, you are.
{26214}{26274}- No, I'm not.|- Yes, you are.
{26274}{26360}- I'm not.
I'm not.
Am not!|- I stand corrected.
{26471}{26573}- Mimosa?|- I'm a married women.|Don't call me that.
{26576}{26633}No, no, no, no, no.
{26636}{26693}Mimosa is the name|of the drink.
{26696}{26753}It's orangejuice|and champagne.
{26756}{26875}You're so wonderful that you thought|it was something offensive.
{26875}{26945}Oh, well, thank you.
{26948}{27023}Marge?
Marge Simpson.
{27025}{27106}You remember me, don't you?|I'm Helen Lovejoy, {27109}{27197}- the gossipy wife of the minister.|- Hello, Helen.
{27199}{27265}I had just finished eating|and was about to leave...
{27265}{27334}when I looked over this way|and said to myself, {27338}{27473}"Isn't that Marge Simpson having brunch|with a man who isn't her husband?"
{27475}{27559}And I just had to come over|and say hello.
{27559}{27632}- We're, um--|- Oh, don't squirm on my account.
{27634}{27712}I am giving her|a bowling lesson, thank you.
{27715}{27862}Now, Marge, the pins on the|three-seven-ten split would be here.
{27866}{27937}We'll make this little piece|of food the ball.
{27941}{28046}The ball's bigger.|But for food, this is a good ball.
{28048}{28117}Oh, well, bye-bye.
{28117}{28207}- See you in church on Sunday, Marge.|- Good-bye, Helen.
{28207}{28273}Good-bye, Helen.
{28273}{28333}You have|a lovely friend there.
{28333}{28396}- Let's hope something runs over her.
{28458}{28516}Your laughter|is like music to me.
{28518}{28597}But if you laugh|at what I say next, I will die, {28597}{28657}for I am about to say|something very serious, {28657}{28717}perhaps shocking.
{28717}{28825}Marge, my darling, I want you|to meet with me again, {28827}{28915}- That doesn't shock me.|- away from pying eyes, {28917}{29005}away from the Helens|of the world, {29007}{29103}at my apartment--|the Fiesta Terrace.
{29376}{29544}I've been waiting for you.|Come in, my captivating one.
{29547}{29637}May I have this dance?
{29640}{29697}Sure.
{29991}{30047}Whoa!
{30155}{30260}You certainly have a lot|of bowling trophies.
{30260}{30333}I like you so much.
{30335}{30395}They're not for bowling,|Marge.
{30395}{30483}You're so naive.|They are for lovemaking.
{30485}{30554}- Really?|- Yes.
{30633}{30689}Oh!
{30731}{30809}- Champagne?|- Please.
{30813}{30869}There, my darling.
{30871}{30974}- Thank you.
{30977}{31067}What cosmic force|brought us together, Marge?
{31070}{31142}- Destiny?|- Yes.
{31142}{31205}Some divine pinspotter...
{31205}{31307}must have placed us|side by side.
{31310}{31399}Like two fragile|bowling pins-- {31399}{31459}Standing bravely-- {31459}{31544}- Until inevitably--|- We must topple.
{31673}{31759}Marge, speak to me.
{31763}{31897}- Is Thursday okay?|- It's okay, indeed.
{32254}{32314}" For Marge"?
{32615}{32703}Hey, Dad.
What do you say|we toss the ol' apple around?
{32703}{32833}Son, I don't know ifl can lift|my head, let alone a ball.
{32836}{32902}Aw, come on, Dad.|Get the lead out.
{32947}{33007}Simpson checks the runner on first.|He's cool.
He's fine.
{33010}{33100}Here's the windup,|and here's the pitch.
{33184}{33246}Dad, you didn't|even say "ouch."
{33250}{33342}Oh, sorry.|Ouch.
{33346}{33405}Lisa.
Lisa, I think|you're right about Dad.
{33409}{33469}- Something's very, very wrong here.|- Frightened, Bart?
{33471}{33535}Welcome to stage three,|fear.
{33537}{33591}We gotta do something, man.
{33595}{33651}Sorry, Bart.|I'd love to help you, {33654}{33744}but I'm mired|in stage five, self-pity.
{33747}{33804}Look, Dad.
I don't know|what's going on, {33808}{33864}but once you gave me|some advice that might help.
{33868}{33933}I gave you advice?|Get out of here.
{33936}{34029}Yeah, you did.
You told me|when something's bothering you...
{34033}{34101}and you're too damn stupid|to know what to do, {34104}{34170}just keep|your fool mouth shut.
{34173}{34226}At least that way,|you won't make things worse.
{34230}{34305}Hmm.
Good advice.
{34640}{34698}Marge,|may I speak to you?
{34700}{34784}- Sure.|- You know, I've been thinking.
{34788}{34848}Eveyone makes peanut butter|and jelly sandwiches, {34848}{34913}but usually the jelly|drips out over the side...
{34917}{34979}and the guy's|hands get all sticky.
{34983}{35088}But your jelly stays right in the middle|where it's supposed to.
{35090}{35153}I don't know how you do it.
{35153}{35249}Youjust got a gift, I guess.|I've always thought so.
{35252}{35369}I just never mentioned it,|but it's time you knew how I feel.
{35372}{35453}I don't believe|in keeping feelings bottled up.
{35534}{35606}Good-bye, my wife.
{35606}{35689}- Good-bye, Homer.
{35918}{35983}To the most beautiful|moment in life.
{35987}{36053}Better than the deed,|better than the memory-- {36056}{36128}the moment|of anticipation.
{36215}{36298}Oh, Jacques, you handsome devil.|Look at you.
{36302}{36421}You're really going|to strike out tonight!
{36523}{36583}- Ain't you hungry, Homer?|- Starving.
{36583}{36643}Well, then why aren't|you eating your sandwich?
{36643}{36757}How can I eat it?
She made it.|It's all I have left.
{36800}{36856}Domestic situation.
{38649}{38705}Uh, huh?
{38709}{38793}Marge!|What a lovely surprise.
{38795}{38855}You're here to see me,|right?
{38855}{38928}Of course!
{39189}{39288}Hey, way to go, Homer.|Way to go!
{39288}{39342}What will I tell|the boss?
{39344}{39492}Tell him I'm going to the backseat|of my car with the woman I love, {39494}{39602}and I won't be back|for ten minutes.
{41275}{41329}Shh!
{661}{741}This is gonna be the best|birthday breakfast Mom ever had.
{745}{811}Hey, Lis.|You think that's enough for her?
{814}{880}- Maybe one more.
{883}{981}- I hope she likes|the presents we got her.|- She'll like mine.
{985}{1099}Who wouldn't like a bottle|of real French perfume|all the way from gay Paree?
{1101}{1161}Four bucks, plus tax.
{1164}{1234}I think she's going to like|my handmade birthday card better.
{1236}{1359}Oh, big deal.
Dry macaroni,|spray paint and glue.
Whoopie.
{1528}{1612}Dibs.
First dibs.|I get to lick the beaters.
{1612}{1762}Ow!
Ow!
Ow!
Litha, my "ongue"|is "uck" in the "eaters."
My "ongue"!
{1944}{2011}Happy birthday!
{2013}{2073}Huh?
What?
{2076}{2157}- Here's your birthday breakfast.|- Oh!
{2157}{2249}- Isn't this nice?
{2249}{2334}- My birthday?
It's my birthday?|- No!
{2337}{2412}What did I get?|I love birthdays.
{2412}{2511}- No, Homer, it's mine.|- You don't even know|your own wife's birthday?
{2513}{2618}Well, of course I know.|Sure.
{2622}{2691}You really thought|I forgot, didn't you?
{2693}{2759}- Oh, right.
What did you get her, Dad?|- What did you get?
{2762}{2877}Uh, well,|a vey thoughtful gift.
{2880}{2940}But it's a surprise.
{2940}{3000}You know, it's such|a beautiful morning, {3000}{3092}I think I'll take a little stroll|around the block.
{3270}{3338}- I think he forgot, Mom.|- Mm-hmm.
{3455}{3564}Oh, no.
Come on.|Come on.
Open up!
{3566}{3624}Good morning, consumers.
{3626}{3710}The Springfield Mall is now open|for your spending needs.
{3779}{3860}Hmm?
Uh...
no.
{3862}{3935}Too salty.
{3937}{4001}Um...
nah.
{4004}{4061}Hmm?
Nah, too corny.
{4064}{4162}Too exciting.
{4165}{4255}Patty, he's out|buying me something right now.
{4259}{4394}Oh, Marge.|He never gets anything you want.|He always gets something for himself.
{4396}{4486}- The tackle box.|- Remember when he got you|the tackle box?
{4489}{4621}- And Connie Chung.|- And when he surprised you|with the Connie Chung calendar?
{4621}{4696}I'm sure he doesn't|do it deliberately.
{4699}{4808}Hmm.
Hmm!
{4808}{4930}Well, Homer and I had a lovely|dining experience at Chez Pierre.
{4933}{4990}Or the Rusty Barnacle|is nice.
{4993}{5050}No, no, no.
{5053}{5152}We wanna take you someplace fun--|The Singing Sirloin.
{5155}{5260}The place where the waiters sing.
{5317}{5400}- Homer?|- Be right there.
{5488}{5608}Homer, we're having dinner tonight|at The Singing Sirloin.
{5610}{5722}That sounds delightful.|Just you and me and the balladeers.
{5724}{5782}- And the kids.|- Fair enough.
{5784}{5863}- And my sisters.|- Doh!
{5992}{6127}How we danced|on the night we were wed {6127}{6186}Havin' my baby {6186}{6282}What a lovely way to say|how much you love me {6286}{6406}Nearer my God to thee {6408}{6565}- Nearer to thee {6600}{6683}Oh, perfume!
{6683}{6777}Whoa!
Hmm.|Thank you, Bart.
{6777}{6861}- You're welcome, Mom.|- 34 years old.
{6863}{6962}Time enough to start over|with a new man.
{6962}{7043}- Someone who eats|with his mouth shut.|- What's that, Patty?
{7043}{7112}Nothing.|Finish your steak.
{7116}{7191}- Look at him wolfdown|that gristle.|- Mm-hmm.
{7193}{7251}It's an accident waiting to happen.
{7254}{7311}Do you know|the Heimlich Maneuver?
{7314}{7374}- No.|- Good.
{7451}{7509}I think she likes|my present better.
{7511}{7575}- Does not.
Does not.
Does not.|- Does too.
Does too.
{7577}{7659}Then how come she's not|putting on any of your perfume?
{7659}{7719}Yeah.|Hey, Mom.
{7719}{7799}How come you're not putting on|any of my perfume?
{7802}{7874}Mm.
{7877}{7972}Well, I'm saving it|for a special occasion.
{7976}{8043}What the hell are you talking about?|There's gallons of it!
{8045}{8135}- Bart!|- But this occasion|is already so special.
{8138}{8195}If we made it|any more special, {8198}{8261}we might end up|making it less special.
{8264}{8348}- Gotcha.
Told ya she liked mine better.|- Oh, brother!
{8351}{8411}Hold on.|Hold on now.
{8414}{8510}Your mother hasn't opened|my present yet.
{8513}{8594}Happy birthday to you {8596}{8654}Happy birthday to you {8657}{8768}Happy 34th birthday,|Mrs.
Homer Simpson {8770}{8942}Happy birthday to you {9047}{9152}Oh.
Don't worry.|This frosting will come right off.
{9154}{9212}Beauty, isn't she?
{9214}{9325}It's hard for me to judge|since I've never bowled in my life!
{9328}{9418}Well, if you don't want it,|I know someone who does.
{9586}{9652}You always say we should talk.
{9652}{9718}I'm talking right now,|as a matter of fact.
{9721}{9784}But I'm going to stop|in a second, {9784}{9864}so please, say something back,|Marge, please?
{9864}{9931}I'm gonna stop talking...|now.
{9934}{10038}You bought that bowling ball|for you, not for me.
{10042}{10134}- What?
No.|- The holes were drilled|for your fingers.
{10138}{10195}I wanted to surprise you.
{10198}{10272}I couldn't very well chop your hand off|and bring it to the store.
{10276}{10342}You never intended for me|to use that ball.
{10345}{10402}If that's how you feel,|I'll take it back.
{10405}{10480}You can't take it back.|You had your name engraved on it!
{10482}{10557}- So you'd know it was from me!|- Homer, {10557}{10636}I'm keeping the ball...|for myself!
{10636}{10731}What?
But you don't|know how to bowl.
Oops.
{10735}{10803}I'm keeping it,|and I'm going to use it.
{10806}{10885}Thank you|for the present, Homer.
{10887}{10959}Well...
you're...|welcome.
{11205}{11271}Excuse me.|Where do I throw this?
{11274}{11334}- Over there.|- Thank you.
{11334}{11409}- You're gonna need a lane.|- No, thanks.
{11412}{11484}- I'm here out of spite.|- Can't bowl without a lane.
{11486}{11612}- Well, all right.|- Here you go.
You keep score on this.
{11616}{11679}- What size shoes do you wear?|- Never you mind.
{11679}{11739}You can't wear|street shoes on the lanes.
{11739}{11805}You gotta wear bowling shoes.|What size, please?
{11808}{11885}- 13 double "A."|- 13 double "A "?
{11891}{11984}This is the closest I've got.
{11984}{12044}A nine and a fifteen.
{12048}{12099}Thank you.|Hmm.
{12168}{12233}A little warm and moist.
{12236}{12293}Ugh!
{12326}{12383}Hmm.
{12539}{12614}Hmm.
{12755}{12875}So, 120 pins later,|I am the better man.
{12977}{13109}I don't see what he's doing|that's so different from what I'm doing.
{13112}{13169}Hmm.
{13234}{13322}Oh!
{13322}{13382}I'm--|I'm awfully sorry.
{13382}{13442}Entirely my fault.
{13442}{13504}It is nice|to meet you, {13549}{13579}Homer.
{13582}{13697}Oh, no, no.|Homer's my...
ball's name.
{13699}{13792}- I'm Marge.
{13888}{13981}Your fingers are so slender,|so feminine.
{13985}{14047}They're far too tapered|for the ball you're using.
{14050}{14150}You need something lighter.|More delicate.
{14152}{14210}Here.|Use my ball.
{14212}{14302}No.
No, thank you,|Mr., um, Brunswick.
{14305}{14377}- Call me Jacques.|-Jacques.
{14380}{14487}- Marge.|- I'll just use my ball.
{14491}{14538}As you wish.
{14542}{14647}Many people have senseless|attachments to heavy, clumsy things, {14647}{14707}such as this Homer|of yours.
{14707}{14802}- Hmm.|- May I ask you a bold question?
{14802}{14862}- Sure.|- You've never bowled before.
{14862}{14922}- Never.
No.|- No.
{14922}{14982}Then I will teach you.
{14986}{15085}- I don't wanna trouble you.|- Not at all.
I am a professional.
{15087}{15162}Roll the ball for me, Marge.|Let me see your form.
{15162}{15274}All right.
But I'm not vey good.
{15336}{15450}I can hit that one pin all right,|but the rest of them don't even wobble.
{15454}{15516}I can help you, Marge.|Pick up the ball.
{15519}{15591}Pick up Homer.|Pick him up.
{15594}{15651}Oh!
{15654}{15771}- Now throw.
Throw, damn you.|- But-- {15906}{15978}You're a very good teacher.
{15981}{16059}Yes, I am a very good teacher,|and I can teach you everything.
{16059}{16151}I can tell you what the little arrows|on the wood floor mean, {16151}{16212}which frame|is the beer frame.
{16215}{16274}I bet you don't know how to make|a five-seven-ten split.
{16274}{16340}- Do you, Marge?|- No.
{16344}{16424}But first of all, you yell,|"The eight-pin is a cop."
{16428}{16505}- Let it out, Marge.
Laugh loud.
{16505}{16580}Laugh out loud.|You'll lose weight.
{16583}{16640}- Oh, that's very funny.|- Feels good.
{16643}{16718}I didn't realize there was|so much to this game.
{16718}{16778}What do you charge|for lessons?
{16778}{16857}- Twenty-five dollars.|- Twenty-five dollars!
{16857}{16934}It's a $40 value.
{16934}{16994}Well, all right.|When do we start?
{16997}{17061}We have already begun.
{17136}{17216}Now this is living,|hey, kids?
{17219}{17314}Hot pizza--|the food of kings.
{17314}{17404}Don't be scared, Dad.|It's not so hard takin' care of us.
{17404}{17474}Lisa, I'm not scared.
{17474}{17555}I think it's a great chance|to spend some time with you kids.
{17558}{17636}Your mother always gets to be alone|with you, and now it's my turn.
{17732}{17801}Does the time|always drag like this?
{17803}{17912}First, you must get|to know your lane.
{17915}{18026}Feel the slickness.|Feel the satiny finish.
{18028}{18110}Caress it.|Experience it.
{18112}{18176}- Quite smooth, isn't it, Marge?|- Ooh, very smooth.
{18176}{18238}- Smooth?
Yes?|- Yes, vey.
Yes.
{18241}{18320}- Yes.
Smooth?
Yes.|- Smooth.
Yes.
{18322}{18404}You could eat off of it.|You hungry?
{18406}{18479}- Yes.|- Four onion rings!
{18481}{18554}Mmm.
Delicioso!
{18556}{18664}- My compliments to the delivey boy.|- We've eaten and eaten well.
{18667}{18792}What else do we have to do?|Let's check the list your mom left us.
{18792}{18904}Eat.
Mm-hmm.|Oh, clean up.
{18904}{18994}Don't worry, everybody.
This will be|a breeze if we all pitch in.
{19141}{19201}All right!|We're clean!
{19201}{19341}Now we'll...|put Maggie to bed.
{19345}{19435}Lullaby|and good night {19438}{19519}Go to bed|and sleep tight {19521}{19624}Close your eyes|Start to yawn {19626}{19716}Pleasant dreams|until the dawn {19935}{20037}- Homer.
Homer?|- Huh?
{20037}{20118}Oh, how was bowling?
{20122}{20182}It's a very|challenging hobby.
{20184}{20274}Sport, dear.|It's a sport, you silly thing.
{20277}{20435}Mm-hmm.
Butl think I'll do|much better tomorrow night.
{20435}{20495}You're going back?
{20495}{20589}Sure.
If you don't mind|taking care of the kids again.
{20592}{20669}Uh, no.|I don't mind.
{20673}{20729}Good night, Homer.
{20733}{20789}Good night.
{20838}{20933}- It is for you.|- Oh, Jacques, it fits.
{20937}{21029}You got it in my size,|and it has my name on it.
{21033}{21089}It's really for me.
{21092}{21201}Seventeen-fifty.|Enjoy it, my darling.
{22087}{22151}Here we are.
{22151}{22244}- You didn't have to drop me off.|- But I wanted to.
{22247}{22366}Marge, do you know how beautiful|you look in the moonlight?
{22366}{22451}Oh, Jacques.|I'm a married woman.
{22451}{22511}I know.
I know.
{22511}{22570}My mind says,"Stop,"|but my heart...
{22574}{22645}and my hips|cy," Proceed."
{22649}{22754}- Marge, darling,|I want to see you tomorrow.
{22756}{22894}Not at Barney's Bowlarama.
Away from|the thunderous folly of clattering pins.
{22898}{22969}- Meet me tomorrow for brunch.|- What's brunch?
{22973}{23068}You'll love it.
It's not quite|breakfast, it's not quite lunch, {23071}{23149}but it comes with a slice of|cantaloupee at the end.
{23153}{23263}You don't get completely what you would|at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
{23266}{23356}- I don't think so.|- Marge, darling, {23359}{23440}there are ten pins|in my heart.
{23443}{23500}You've knocked over eight.
{23503}{23578}Won't you please|pick up that spare?
{23578}{23704}Mm.
Mm.|All right!
{23899}{23970}- Marge?|- What, Homer?
{24013}{24069}Nothing.
{24294}{24367}-Uh-oh.
Schoolbus.
{24369}{24462}Here you go, kids.|Special lunches.
{24466}{24526}Lots of good things|for growing bodies...
{24526}{24586}and some treats|just for fun.
{24586}{24687}- Ay, caramba!|- Are you going bowling|again tonight, Mom?
{24691}{24753}Well, yes, I am,|as a matter of fact.
{24756}{24876}Here's more treats.|Your dad will take care of dinner.
{24879}{24948}Mmm, Wednesday.|Hoagie night.
{25011}{25148}Good-bye, Lisa.|My darling little Lisa.
{25197}{25290}Good-bye, Bart.|My special little guy.
{25347}{25416}Mmm!|Great lunches, eh, Lis?
{25416}{25566}Oh, Bart, don't you see?
This is what|psychologists call overcompensation.
{25566}{25661}Mom is wracked with guilt|because her marriage is failing.
{25665}{25721}Hey, don't|rock the boat, man.
{25725}{25785}Whatever it is,|we're making out like bandits.
{25787}{25850}Bart, I read about|what happens to kids...
{25854}{25922}whose parents no longer love|and cherish each other.
{25925}{26000}They go through|eight separate stages.
{26004}{26090}Right now,|I'm in stage three, fear.
{26094}{26154}You're in stage two,|denial.
{26154}{26214}- No, I'm not.|- Yes, you are.
{26214}{26274}- No, I'm not.|- Yes, you are.
{26274}{26360}- I'm not.
I'm not.
Am not!|- I stand corrected.
{26471}{26573}- Mimosa?|- I'm a married women.|Don't call me that.
{26576}{26633}No, no, no, no, no.
{26636}{26693}Mimosa is the name|of the drink.
{26696}{26753}It's orangejuice|and champagne.
{26756}{26875}You're so wonderful that you thought|it was something offensive.
{26875}{26945}Oh, well, thank you.
{26948}{27023}Marge?
Marge Simpson.
{27025}{27106}You remember me, don't you?|I'm Helen Lovejoy, {27109}{27197}- the gossipy wife of the minister.|- Hello, Helen.
{27199}{27265}I had just finished eating|and was about to leave...
{27265}{27334}when I looked over this way|and said to myself, {27338}{27473}"Isn't that Marge Simpson having brunch|with a man who isn't her husband?"
{27475}{27559}And I just had to come over|and say hello.
{27559}{27632}- We're, um--|- Oh, don't squirm on my account.
{27634}{27712}I am giving her|a bowling lesson, thank you.
{27715}{27862}Now, Marge, the pins on the|three-seven-ten split would be here.
{27866}{27937}We'll make this little piece|of food the ball.
{27941}{28046}The ball's bigger.|But for food, this is a good ball.
{28048}{28117}Oh, well, bye-bye.
{28117}{28207}- See you in church on Sunday, Marge.|- Good-bye, Helen.
{28207}{28273}Good-bye, Helen.
{28273}{28333}You have|a lovely friend there.
{28333}{28396}- Let's hope something runs over her.
{28458}{28516}Your laughter|is like music to me.
{28518}{28597}But if you laugh|at what I say next, I will die, {28597}{28657}for I am about to say|something very serious, {28657}{28717}perhaps shocking.
{28717}{28825}Marge, my darling, I want you|to meet with me again, {28827}{28915}- That doesn't shock me.|- away from pying eyes, {28917}{29005}away from the Helens|of the world, {29007}{29103}at my apartment--|the Fiesta Terrace.
{29376}{29544}I've been waiting for you.|Come in, my captivating one.
{29547}{29637}May I have this dance?
{29640}{29697}Sure.
{29991}{30047}Whoa!
{30155}{30260}You certainly have a lot|of bowling trophies.
{30260}{30333}I like you so much.
{30335}{30395}They're not for bowling,|Marge.
{30395}{30483}You're so naive.|They are for lovemaking.
{30485}{30554}- Really?|- Yes.
{30633}{30689}Oh!
{30731}{30809}- Champagne?|- Please.
{30813}{30869}There, my darling.
{30871}{30974}- Thank you.
{30977}{31067}What cosmic force|brought us together, Marge?
{31070}{31142}- Destiny?|- Yes.
{31142}{31205}Some divine pinspotter...
{31205}{31307}must have placed us|side by side.
{31310}{31399}Like two fragile|bowling pins-- {31399}{31459}Standing bravely-- {31459}{31544}- Until inevitably--|- We must topple.
{31673}{31759}Marge, speak to me.
{31763}{31897}- Is Thursday okay?|- It's okay, indeed.
{32254}{32314}" For Marge"?
{32615}{32703}Hey, Dad.
What do you say|we toss the ol' apple around?
{32703}{32833}Son, I don't know ifl can lift|my head, let alone a ball.
{32836}{32902}Aw, come on, Dad.|Get the lead out.
{32947}{33007}Simpson checks the runner on first.|He's cool.
He's fine.
{33010}{33100}Here's the windup,|and here's the pitch.
{33184}{33246}Dad, you didn't|even say "ouch."
{33250}{33342}Oh, sorry.|Ouch.
{33346}{33405}Lisa.
Lisa, I think|you're right about Dad.
{33409}{33469}- Something's very, very wrong here.|- Frightened, Bart?
{33471}{33535}Welcome to stage three,|fear.
{33537}{33591}We gotta do something, man.
{33595}{33651}Sorry, Bart.|I'd love to help you, {33654}{33744}but I'm mired|in stage five, self-pity.
{33747}{33804}Look, Dad.
I don't know|what's going on, {33808}{33864}but once you gave me|some advice that might help.
{33868}{33933}I gave you advice?|Get out of here.
{33936}{34029}Yeah, you did.
You told me|when something's bothering you...
{34033}{34101}and you're too damn stupid|to know what to do, {34104}{34170}just keep|your fool mouth shut.
{34173}{34226}At least that way,|you won't make things worse.
{34230}{34305}Hmm.
Good advice.
{34640}{34698}Marge,|may I speak to you?
{34700}{34784}- Sure.|- You know, I've been thinking.
{34788}{34848}Eveyone makes peanut butter|and jelly sandwiches, {34848}{34913}but usually the jelly|drips out over the side...
{34917}{34979}and the guy's|hands get all sticky.
{34983}{35088}But your jelly stays right in the middle|where it's supposed to.
{35090}{35153}I don't know how you do it.
{35153}{35249}Youjust got a gift, I guess.|I've always thought so.
{35252}{35369}I just never mentioned it,|but it's time you knew how I feel.
{35372}{35453}I don't believe|in keeping feelings bottled up.
{35534}{35606}Good-bye, my wife.
{35606}{35689}- Good-bye, Homer.
{35918}{35983}To the most beautiful|moment in life.
{35987}{36053}Better than the deed,|better than the memory-- {36056}{36128}the moment|of anticipation.
{36215}{36298}Oh, Jacques, you handsome devil.|Look at you.
{36302}{36421}You're really going|to strike out tonight!
{36523}{36583}- Ain't you hungry, Homer?|- Starving.
{36583}{36643}Well, then why aren't|you eating your sandwich?
{36643}{36757}How can I eat it?
She made it.|It's all I have left.
{36800}{36856}Domestic situation.
{38649}{38705}Uh, huh?
{38709}{38793}Marge!|What a lovely surprise.
{38795}{38855}You're here to see me,|right?
{38855}{38928}Of course!
{39189}{39288}Hey, way to go, Homer.|Way to go!
{39288}{39342}What will I tell|the boss?
{39344}{39492}Tell him I'm going to the backseat|of my car with the woman I love, {39494}{39602}and I won't be back|for ten minutes.
{41275}{41329}Shh!