TV-Serie: The Simpsons - 1x6
{3176}{3305}What's the problem?
Did you fall in?|Lisa!
{3410}{3489}- Sorry, Dad.
Women and children first.|- What the-- {3654}{3710}- Where the hell are my keys?
{3714}{3809}Who stole my keys?|Come on.
I'm late for work.
{3813}{3899}Oh, Homer, you'd lose your head if it|weren't securely fastened to your neck.
{3903}{3995}- Did you check the den?|- The den!
Great idea.
{4220}{4310}Warm.
No, cold.
{4310}{4370}- Colder.
Ice cold.|- Huh?
{4373}{4480}-Do you know where my keys are?|-No.
I'm talkin' about your breakfast.
{4484}{4540}- Did you try the rumpus room?
{4544}{4613}Rumpus room?|Great idea.
{4615}{4703}- Oh, Dad.|- Huh?
{4705}{4763}- Doh!|- Oh, Homer.
{4765}{4870}- Here.|- I'm sorry, everybody, {4873}{4960}but I've only got two cupcakes|for the three of you.
{4963}{5101}Well, Mom, one of us has scarfed|down more than enough cupcakes|over the past three decades to-- {5104}{5161}- Bart!|-just take mine.
{5164}{5241}A simple cupcake|will bring me no pleasure.
{5299}{5359}- Oh, yeah!|- All right!
{5359}{5455}All right, class.|From the top.
{5458}{5539}One, and two,|and three, and-- {5541}{5659}My county, 'tis of thee {5659}{5758}La da da da da dee {6000}{6087}- Lisa!
{6150}{6217}Lisa Simpson!
{6219}{6318}Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop|in " My County 'Tis of thee."
{6318}{6438}- But Mr.
Largo, that's|what my county's all about.|- What?
{6440}{6549}I'm wailing out for the homeless|family living out of it�s car.
{6552}{6680}The Iowa farmer whose land has been|taken away by unfeeling bureaucrats.
{6684}{6747}The West Virginia coal miner,|coughing up-- {6749}{6828}That's all fine and good, but none|ofthose unpleasant people...
{6830}{6897}are going to be|at the recital next week.
{6899}{6987}Now, class.|From the top.
{6989}{7097}- Five, six, seven.
{7310}{7439}Every day at noon a bell rings, and|they herd us in here for feeding time.
{7442}{7562}And we sit around like cattle, chewing|our cuds, dreading the inevitable-- {7564}{7622}Food fight!
{7679}{7774}Come on, Lis!
What are you|waiting for?
Chuck that spaghetti.
{7778}{7838}I choose not to participate.
{8021}{8119}Lisa, we are playing|dodge ball here.
{8122}{8222}The object of the game is|to avoid the ball by weaving|or ducking out of it�s path.
{8222}{8299}In other words,|to dodge the ball.
{8302}{8401}Listen, missy, just tell me|why you weren't getting|out of the way of those balls.
{8434}{8491}I'm too sad.
{8494}{8557}Too sad to play dodge ball?
{8559}{8641}That's ridiculous.|Now, let's see some enthusiasm.
{8644}{8692}Play ball!
{8917}{8968}Come on, come on.|Let's go.
{9061}{9192}In the red trunks,|with a record of 48 wins and no losses, {9196}{9264}the undisputed champ|of this house, {9267}{9346}Battling Bart Simpson!
{9348}{9426}- Whoopee, whoo!
{9429}{9489}And in the lavender trunks, {9492}{9591}with a record of zero wins|and 48 defeats-- {9594}{9711}Oh, correction.|Humiliating defeats, {9714}{9788}-all of them by knockout--|- Must you do this every time?
{9792}{9873}Homer "The Human Punching Bag"|Simpson!
{9989}{10064}Doh!
Stupid joystick!
{10067}{10137}Three seconds, folks.|A new record.
{10139}{10202}Hey, no.
I'm not down.|I'm-- Getup, you!
{10206}{10266}Get off the mat.|Okay.
Here we go.
{10266}{10356}Yo, chump, you back again?
{10358}{10457}Get outta the way!|How come he's not ducking?
{10461}{10575}Wait a minute.
I can't get my--|Get out of the way, stupid!
{10577}{10646}- Homer?|- Not now, Marge!
{10650}{10748}- Get out of the corner!|- They sent a note from school.
{10748}{10820}What did you do this time, you little|hoodlum?
Oops, get outta the way!
{10820}{10895}I didn't do it.
Nobody saw me do it.|There's no way they can prove anything.
{10895}{10973}No, Bart.|This note isn't about you.
{10976}{11051}It isn't?|There must be some mistake.
{11053}{11122}Hey, you're right.|This note's about Lisa.
{11126}{11197}- Lisa?
{11716}{11836}She doesn't look sad.|I don't see any tears in her eyes.
{11836}{11896}It's not that kind of sad.
{11896}{11965}I'm sory, Dad, but you|wouldn't understand.
{11968}{12046}Oh, sure, I would, princess.|I have feelings too.
{12046}{12142}you know, like,|" My stomach hurts."
{12145}{12228}Or "I'm going crazy!"
{12232}{12346}Why don't you climb up on Daddy's knee|and tell him all about it.
{12348}{12426}I'm just wondering|what's the point?
{12430}{12526}Would it make any difference|at all if I never existed?
{12528}{12630}How can we sleep at night when there's|so much suffering in the world?
{12630}{12715}Well, I-- Uh-- {12717}{12780}Come on, Lisa.|Ride the Homer horsey!
{12784}{12855}Giddyap.
Whee!
{12859}{12984}Lisa, honey, why don't we go upstairs|and I'll draw you a nice hot bath.
{12987}{13044}That helps me|when I feel sad.
{13047}{13155}- Sorry, Dad.
I know you mean well.|- Thanks for knowing I mean well.
{13157}{13251}Gee, Homer.
Looks like you got yourself|a real problem on your hands.
{13254}{13346}Yeah, right.|Uh, Bart, vacuum this floor.
{13346}{13416}Hey, man.|I didn't do anything wrong!
{13419}{13536}In times of trouble you've|got to go with what you know.|Now, hop to it, boy!
{13655}{13725}Thinks he's some big|stupid Homer.
Oh, man.
{13727}{13829}I'll show him.|He thinks he's so big.
{13899}{13991}- Enjoy your bath?|- No, not really.
{13991}{14099}Oh, too bad.|Well, I certainly had fun vacuuming.
{14099}{14174}Maybe now I'll get the pleasure|of scrubbing your tub.
{14177}{14285}So typical of Bart.|All he thinks about is himself.
{14287}{14369}Hey, don't say stuff like that|about me to Maggie.
{14371}{14431}She's on my side anyway.
{14431}{14501}- Is not.
Is not.|- Is too.
Is too.
{14504}{14590}- Is not.|- Is too!
Watch.
I'll prove it.
{14590}{14705}Maggie.
Come to the one|you love best.
{14752}{14836}No, Maggie.
Come here, girl.|Come tome.
{14839}{14902}Come on, Maggie!|The choice is obvious.
{14905}{15029}No, Maggie.
Don't go for the glitter.|Look for substance.
{15103}{15190}All right, Maggie,|just go to Bart.
{15193}{15280}Exactly.
Come to the one|you love best.
{15550}{15651}Oh, no!
Come on!|Don't let the-- {15655}{15754}Aaah!
Oh, no,|not again.
{15793}{15874}Get over to the--|Aaah!
{16080}{16155}Gee, Dad, you're|really bad at this.
{16158}{16239}I am not.|It's just that I...
{16243}{16305}- couldn't concentrate|with that infernal racket.
{16311}{16365}Lisa!
Lisa.
{16575}{16676}Lisa, what did I tell you about playing|that sax-a-ma-thing in the house?
{16680}{16800}I was just playing the blues, Dad.
{16893}{16968}Lisa, I'm sorry.|I didn't mean to yell.
{16968}{17060}Go ahead.
Play your blues|if it'll make you happy.
{17064}{17189}No.
That's okay, Dad.|I'll just work on my fingering.
{17193}{17306}Unless my fingers clacking|on the keys is too loud for you.
{17309}{17402}- Let's hear it.
{17486}{17567}You just clack|as loud as you want, Lis.
{17897}{17980}I've gotta find that sound.
{18535}{18595}That was beautiful.|What's it called?
{18598}{18685}Oh, it's a little tune|that I call...
{18688}{18795}the "I Never Had|an Italian Suit Blues."
{19014}{19170}Wait, Margie.
Before you go out|that door, let's put our happy face on, {19173}{19327}because people know how good a mommy|you have by the size of your smile.
{19689}{19773}What the-- {19775}{19848}- Put up your dukes, Homer.
{19851}{19949}Bart, go easy on me.|I'm your dad.
{19953}{20099}I am going easy on you,|but you're so old and slow...
{20103}{20163}and weak and pathetic.
{20193}{20286}No!
Bart, no!
{20483}{20609}- Homer, wake up, wake up.|- Huh?
Oh, man.
{20612}{20693}Here, let me wipe off|the drool.
{20696}{20789}you know, Marge, getting old|is a terrible thing.
{20792}{20936}I think the saddest day of my|life was when I realized I could|beat my dad at most things.
{20936}{21014}And Bart experienced|that at the age of four.
{21017}{21074}So, why are you|still awake?
{21074}{21176}I'm still tying to figure out|what's bothering Lisa.
{21178}{21313}I don't know.
Bart's such a handful,|and Maggie needs attention.
{21313}{21403}But all the while, our little|Lisa is becoming a young woman.
{21407}{21532}Oh, so that's it.|This is some kind of underwear thing.
{21536}{21622}Mmm.
Good night, Homer.
{21799}{21859}Now, now low b-flat.
{21943}{22063}Okay, Lisa.|"Altissimo" register.
{22210}{22333}Very nice.
Very nice.|I once ruptured myself doin' that.
{22333}{22441}- Thanks, Mr.
Murphy.|- My friends call me Bleedin' Gums.
{22443}{22501}Eww.
How'd you get|a name like that?
{22503}{22602}Well, let me put it this way.|you ever been to the dentist?
{22606}{22707}- Yeah.|- Not me.
I suppose I should go to one, {22711}{22782}but I got enough pain|in my life as it is.
{22786}{22842}I have problems too.
{22846}{22998}Well, I can't help you, kid.
I'm just a|terrific horn player with tons of soul.
{23001}{23082}- But I can jam with you.|- Okay.
{23442}{23520}Oh, I'm so lonely {23520}{23601}Since my baby left me {23603}{23681}I got no money {23685}{23771}And nothing is free {23775}{23852}Oh, I been so lonely {23856}{23942}Since the day I was born {23945}{24023}All I got is this rusty {24023}{24101}This rusty old horn {24105}{24182}I got a bratty brother {24185}{24272}He bugs me every day {24275}{24353}And this morning|my own mother {24356}{24442}She gave|my last cupcake away {24442}{24521}My dad acts|like he belongs {24523}{24602}He belongs in the zoo {24605}{24682}I'm the saddest kid {24686}{24815}In grade number two {24965}{25094}you know, you play pretty well|for someone with no real problems.
{25096}{25162}Yeah, but I don't|feel any better.
{25165}{25231}The blues|isn't about feelin' better.
{25234}{25366}It's about makin' other people|feel worse and makin'|a few bucks while you're at it.
{25369}{25444}Which reminds me, if you're|ever in the neighborhood, {25444}{25527}I'm playing in a little club|called the jazz Hole.
{25527}{25600}Lisa!
Get away from|that jazzman!
{25602}{25669}- But Mom!
Can't I stay|a little longer?|- Come on.
{25671}{25791}We were worried about you.
Nothing|personal.
I just fear the unfamiliar.
{26334}{26406}Today's fire|raced through downtown Springfield, {26409}{26505}gutting Symphony Hall, the Springfield|Museum of Natural History, {26505}{26592}the Springfield Arts Center|and Barney's Bowl-a-rama.
{26595}{26652}- Officials said the-- {26655}{26724}Oh, no!
Marge!
{26726}{26826}- Marge, are you all right?|- No!
I'm very upset.
{26829}{26927}Then you've heard.
Oh, God.|What are we gonna do?
{26930}{27035}- The lanes were kinda warped,|but, oh, the food.|- I'm upset about Lisa.
{27035}{27116}- Oh, me too.|- Me three.
What are we talking about?
{27116}{27251}- Bart!|- Do you think you're being nice|enough to your sister, Bart?
{27251}{27344}- Oh, yeah, easy.|- you do love her, don't you?
{27348}{27419}- Oh, Mom.|- Well, you do.
Don't you?
{27423}{27530}Don't make me say it.|I know the answer.
You know the answer.
{27530}{27599}He knows the answer.|Let's just drop it.
Okay?
{27603}{27676}Okay, Bart.|you don't have to say it, {27680}{27740}but you do have to have|a loving attitude.
{27743}{27818}Be nice to your sister.
{27821}{27944}-Okey-dokey.|-Go on, Bart.
No time like the present.
{28021}{28109}- Hi, man.|- I don't want your pity.
{28111}{28163}- Aw, come on.
I'll cheer you up.|- How?
{28208}{28270}- Yeah.
Moe's Tavern.
Moe speaking.
{28274}{28330}- Is jacques there?|- Who?
{28334}{28450}-jacques.
Last name Strap.|- Uh, hold on.
{28450}{28531}Uh, jacques Strap?
{28534}{28603}Hey, guys, I'm lookin'|for a jacques Strap.
{28606}{28705}- What?
{28705}{28798}Aw, wait a minute.|Jacques Strap?
{28801}{28911}It's you, isn't it,|you cowardly little runt!
{28911}{29023}When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut|you like a fish and drink your blood.
{29115}{29203}- Where's your sense of humor, man?
{29205}{29317}Lisa, you'll be late|for band practice.
Let's go.
{29718}{29865}Uh, give me some quarters.|I'm doing my laundry.
{29868}{29943}Yeah.
Right.
{30069}{30155}- Where's the video boxing?|- It's over there in the corner.
{30159}{30239}If I were you I really would use|those quarters for laundry.
{30243}{30299}Wise guy.
{30395}{30494}- Hey, that kid's pretty good.|- Good?
Are you kidding?
{30494}{30584}Over 2.000 fights, and he's still on|his original quarter.
{30588}{30648}Okay, who's next?
{30650}{30740}- Me, me, me, me, me!|- No, me!
{30743}{30822}- Listen, can you teach me|to fight like you do?|- I don't think so.
{30824}{30920}- Oh, come on.|- I'll tell you what.
I'll do|it if you bark like a dog.
{30920}{31034}you little-- {31037}{31112}you got yourself a deal, Fido.
{31240}{31352}- Well, looks like you're|all out of quarters, old man.|- That's okay.
{31352}{31448}With the tips you've given me,|I'm gonna pound the tar out of...
{31448}{31579}- a certain little smarty-pants tonight.
{31583}{31660}Howie!
I thought I told you|to stop wasting your money...
{31663}{31720}- in this stupid place!|- Sorry, Mom.
{31723}{31892}And you!
A man of your age.|you should be ashamed of yourself.
{31892}{31981}Excuse me.
I think|I hear my wife calling.
{32257}{32359}Now, Lisa, listen to me.|This is important.
{32362}{32478}- I want you to smile today.|- But I don't feel like smiling.
{32482}{32596}Well, it doesn't matter how|you feel inside, you know.
{32598}{32673}It's what shows up|on the surface that counts.
{32677}{32806}That's what my mother|taught me.
Take all your|bad feelings and push them down.
{32806}{32952}All the way down, past your knees,|until you're almost walking on them.
{32952}{33061}And then you'll fit in, and|you'll be invited to parties, {33063}{33207}and boys will like you,|and happiness will follow.
{33209}{33282}Oh, come on.|you can do better than that.
{33321}{33389}Oh, that's my girl.
{33393}{33471}I feel more popular already.
{33522}{33588}- Hey, uh, nice smile.|- Thanks.
{33591}{33726}Hey, what are you talkin' to her for?|She's just gonna say somethin' weird.
{33728}{33848}- Not me.|- you know, I used to think|you were some brainiac, {33852}{33921}but I guess you're okay.
{33921}{34022}- Uh-huh.|- Hey, why don't you come over|to my house after practice?
{34022}{34095}- you could do my homework.|- Okay.
{34097}{34148}Mmm.
{34151}{34265}Five minutes, people.
Now, Miss Simpson,|I hope we won't have a repeat...
{34268}{34365}of yesterday's out burst|of unbridled creativity.
{34397}{34468}- No, sir.
{34637}{34768}- Wow, Mom!|- Hmm.
So that's where she gets it.
{34802}{34888}Lisa, I apologize to you.|I was wrong.
{34892}{35026}I take it all back.
Always be yourself.|you wanna be sad, honey, be sad.
{35030}{35146}We'll ride it out with you.|And when you get finished feeling sad, {35150}{35206}we'll still be there.
{35210}{35330}From now on, let me do|the smiling for both of us.
{35332}{35407}Okay, Mom.
{35410}{35467}I said you could stop|smiling, Lisa.
{35470}{35518}I feel like smiling.
{35575}{35710}I'm gonna knock you out|one more time, and that's it.|This is getting boring, man.
{35713}{35793}Just ty not to kill me|too hard, son.
{35911}{36012}- Whoa!|- Kid, tonight's not your night.
{36012}{36076}All right, man, you asked|for it.
No more Mr.
Nice Guy.
{36078}{36156}Aha!
Blocked it.|You missed me.
{36231}{36306}- Oh!|- I got you.
Ooh.
{36310}{36372}- Don't try that.
I got you blocked.
{36375}{36475}And the crowd is on its feet as|Hurricane Homer moves in for the kill!
{36475}{36533}Boys, I'd like|your attention, please.
{36533}{36651}Quiet, Marge!
This is my|big moment!
Bart "The Bloody|Pulp" Simpson is on the ropes.
{36653}{36720}He is hoping I'll put him|out of his misery!
{36723}{36825}Well, you're in luck, Bart!|Here comes my right!
{36827}{36906}Oh, no!
{36906}{37041}My game, my game!|I could have beat the boy.
{37044}{37134}Marge, how could you?|I was so close.
{37136}{37245}I'm sorry, but this is more important|than that silly, loud game.
{37247}{37355}You're right, Mom.
I'd just like to use|this occasion to announce my retirement, {37359}{37464}- undefeated, from the world|of video boxing.
{37464}{37577}Oh, calm down, Homer.|Lisa has an idea that she thinks...
{37580}{37676}- would be fun for the whole family.
{37679}{37769}The next song was written|by a friend of mine, {37772}{37859}one of the great|little ladies of jazz.
{38401}{38527}I got this bratty brother {38527}{38587}He bugs me every day {38641}{38737}And this mornin'|my own mother {38737}{38817}Gave my last cupcake away {38872}{38989}My dad acts like|he belongs, y'all {38992}{39091}-He belongs in the zoo|- What?
{39091}{39186}I'm the saddest kid {39190}{39295}In grade number two
Did you fall in?|Lisa!
{3410}{3489}- Sorry, Dad.
Women and children first.|- What the-- {3654}{3710}- Where the hell are my keys?
{3714}{3809}Who stole my keys?|Come on.
I'm late for work.
{3813}{3899}Oh, Homer, you'd lose your head if it|weren't securely fastened to your neck.
{3903}{3995}- Did you check the den?|- The den!
Great idea.
{4220}{4310}Warm.
No, cold.
{4310}{4370}- Colder.
Ice cold.|- Huh?
{4373}{4480}-Do you know where my keys are?|-No.
I'm talkin' about your breakfast.
{4484}{4540}- Did you try the rumpus room?
{4544}{4613}Rumpus room?|Great idea.
{4615}{4703}- Oh, Dad.|- Huh?
{4705}{4763}- Doh!|- Oh, Homer.
{4765}{4870}- Here.|- I'm sorry, everybody, {4873}{4960}but I've only got two cupcakes|for the three of you.
{4963}{5101}Well, Mom, one of us has scarfed|down more than enough cupcakes|over the past three decades to-- {5104}{5161}- Bart!|-just take mine.
{5164}{5241}A simple cupcake|will bring me no pleasure.
{5299}{5359}- Oh, yeah!|- All right!
{5359}{5455}All right, class.|From the top.
{5458}{5539}One, and two,|and three, and-- {5541}{5659}My county, 'tis of thee {5659}{5758}La da da da da dee {6000}{6087}- Lisa!
{6150}{6217}Lisa Simpson!
{6219}{6318}Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop|in " My County 'Tis of thee."
{6318}{6438}- But Mr.
Largo, that's|what my county's all about.|- What?
{6440}{6549}I'm wailing out for the homeless|family living out of it�s car.
{6552}{6680}The Iowa farmer whose land has been|taken away by unfeeling bureaucrats.
{6684}{6747}The West Virginia coal miner,|coughing up-- {6749}{6828}That's all fine and good, but none|ofthose unpleasant people...
{6830}{6897}are going to be|at the recital next week.
{6899}{6987}Now, class.|From the top.
{6989}{7097}- Five, six, seven.
{7310}{7439}Every day at noon a bell rings, and|they herd us in here for feeding time.
{7442}{7562}And we sit around like cattle, chewing|our cuds, dreading the inevitable-- {7564}{7622}Food fight!
{7679}{7774}Come on, Lis!
What are you|waiting for?
Chuck that spaghetti.
{7778}{7838}I choose not to participate.
{8021}{8119}Lisa, we are playing|dodge ball here.
{8122}{8222}The object of the game is|to avoid the ball by weaving|or ducking out of it�s path.
{8222}{8299}In other words,|to dodge the ball.
{8302}{8401}Listen, missy, just tell me|why you weren't getting|out of the way of those balls.
{8434}{8491}I'm too sad.
{8494}{8557}Too sad to play dodge ball?
{8559}{8641}That's ridiculous.|Now, let's see some enthusiasm.
{8644}{8692}Play ball!
{8917}{8968}Come on, come on.|Let's go.
{9061}{9192}In the red trunks,|with a record of 48 wins and no losses, {9196}{9264}the undisputed champ|of this house, {9267}{9346}Battling Bart Simpson!
{9348}{9426}- Whoopee, whoo!
{9429}{9489}And in the lavender trunks, {9492}{9591}with a record of zero wins|and 48 defeats-- {9594}{9711}Oh, correction.|Humiliating defeats, {9714}{9788}-all of them by knockout--|- Must you do this every time?
{9792}{9873}Homer "The Human Punching Bag"|Simpson!
{9989}{10064}Doh!
Stupid joystick!
{10067}{10137}Three seconds, folks.|A new record.
{10139}{10202}Hey, no.
I'm not down.|I'm-- Getup, you!
{10206}{10266}Get off the mat.|Okay.
Here we go.
{10266}{10356}Yo, chump, you back again?
{10358}{10457}Get outta the way!|How come he's not ducking?
{10461}{10575}Wait a minute.
I can't get my--|Get out of the way, stupid!
{10577}{10646}- Homer?|- Not now, Marge!
{10650}{10748}- Get out of the corner!|- They sent a note from school.
{10748}{10820}What did you do this time, you little|hoodlum?
Oops, get outta the way!
{10820}{10895}I didn't do it.
Nobody saw me do it.|There's no way they can prove anything.
{10895}{10973}No, Bart.|This note isn't about you.
{10976}{11051}It isn't?|There must be some mistake.
{11053}{11122}Hey, you're right.|This note's about Lisa.
{11126}{11197}- Lisa?
{11716}{11836}She doesn't look sad.|I don't see any tears in her eyes.
{11836}{11896}It's not that kind of sad.
{11896}{11965}I'm sory, Dad, but you|wouldn't understand.
{11968}{12046}Oh, sure, I would, princess.|I have feelings too.
{12046}{12142}you know, like,|" My stomach hurts."
{12145}{12228}Or "I'm going crazy!"
{12232}{12346}Why don't you climb up on Daddy's knee|and tell him all about it.
{12348}{12426}I'm just wondering|what's the point?
{12430}{12526}Would it make any difference|at all if I never existed?
{12528}{12630}How can we sleep at night when there's|so much suffering in the world?
{12630}{12715}Well, I-- Uh-- {12717}{12780}Come on, Lisa.|Ride the Homer horsey!
{12784}{12855}Giddyap.
Whee!
{12859}{12984}Lisa, honey, why don't we go upstairs|and I'll draw you a nice hot bath.
{12987}{13044}That helps me|when I feel sad.
{13047}{13155}- Sorry, Dad.
I know you mean well.|- Thanks for knowing I mean well.
{13157}{13251}Gee, Homer.
Looks like you got yourself|a real problem on your hands.
{13254}{13346}Yeah, right.|Uh, Bart, vacuum this floor.
{13346}{13416}Hey, man.|I didn't do anything wrong!
{13419}{13536}In times of trouble you've|got to go with what you know.|Now, hop to it, boy!
{13655}{13725}Thinks he's some big|stupid Homer.
Oh, man.
{13727}{13829}I'll show him.|He thinks he's so big.
{13899}{13991}- Enjoy your bath?|- No, not really.
{13991}{14099}Oh, too bad.|Well, I certainly had fun vacuuming.
{14099}{14174}Maybe now I'll get the pleasure|of scrubbing your tub.
{14177}{14285}So typical of Bart.|All he thinks about is himself.
{14287}{14369}Hey, don't say stuff like that|about me to Maggie.
{14371}{14431}She's on my side anyway.
{14431}{14501}- Is not.
Is not.|- Is too.
Is too.
{14504}{14590}- Is not.|- Is too!
Watch.
I'll prove it.
{14590}{14705}Maggie.
Come to the one|you love best.
{14752}{14836}No, Maggie.
Come here, girl.|Come tome.
{14839}{14902}Come on, Maggie!|The choice is obvious.
{14905}{15029}No, Maggie.
Don't go for the glitter.|Look for substance.
{15103}{15190}All right, Maggie,|just go to Bart.
{15193}{15280}Exactly.
Come to the one|you love best.
{15550}{15651}Oh, no!
Come on!|Don't let the-- {15655}{15754}Aaah!
Oh, no,|not again.
{15793}{15874}Get over to the--|Aaah!
{16080}{16155}Gee, Dad, you're|really bad at this.
{16158}{16239}I am not.|It's just that I...
{16243}{16305}- couldn't concentrate|with that infernal racket.
{16311}{16365}Lisa!
Lisa.
{16575}{16676}Lisa, what did I tell you about playing|that sax-a-ma-thing in the house?
{16680}{16800}I was just playing the blues, Dad.
{16893}{16968}Lisa, I'm sorry.|I didn't mean to yell.
{16968}{17060}Go ahead.
Play your blues|if it'll make you happy.
{17064}{17189}No.
That's okay, Dad.|I'll just work on my fingering.
{17193}{17306}Unless my fingers clacking|on the keys is too loud for you.
{17309}{17402}- Let's hear it.
{17486}{17567}You just clack|as loud as you want, Lis.
{17897}{17980}I've gotta find that sound.
{18535}{18595}That was beautiful.|What's it called?
{18598}{18685}Oh, it's a little tune|that I call...
{18688}{18795}the "I Never Had|an Italian Suit Blues."
{19014}{19170}Wait, Margie.
Before you go out|that door, let's put our happy face on, {19173}{19327}because people know how good a mommy|you have by the size of your smile.
{19689}{19773}What the-- {19775}{19848}- Put up your dukes, Homer.
{19851}{19949}Bart, go easy on me.|I'm your dad.
{19953}{20099}I am going easy on you,|but you're so old and slow...
{20103}{20163}and weak and pathetic.
{20193}{20286}No!
Bart, no!
{20483}{20609}- Homer, wake up, wake up.|- Huh?
Oh, man.
{20612}{20693}Here, let me wipe off|the drool.
{20696}{20789}you know, Marge, getting old|is a terrible thing.
{20792}{20936}I think the saddest day of my|life was when I realized I could|beat my dad at most things.
{20936}{21014}And Bart experienced|that at the age of four.
{21017}{21074}So, why are you|still awake?
{21074}{21176}I'm still tying to figure out|what's bothering Lisa.
{21178}{21313}I don't know.
Bart's such a handful,|and Maggie needs attention.
{21313}{21403}But all the while, our little|Lisa is becoming a young woman.
{21407}{21532}Oh, so that's it.|This is some kind of underwear thing.
{21536}{21622}Mmm.
Good night, Homer.
{21799}{21859}Now, now low b-flat.
{21943}{22063}Okay, Lisa.|"Altissimo" register.
{22210}{22333}Very nice.
Very nice.|I once ruptured myself doin' that.
{22333}{22441}- Thanks, Mr.
Murphy.|- My friends call me Bleedin' Gums.
{22443}{22501}Eww.
How'd you get|a name like that?
{22503}{22602}Well, let me put it this way.|you ever been to the dentist?
{22606}{22707}- Yeah.|- Not me.
I suppose I should go to one, {22711}{22782}but I got enough pain|in my life as it is.
{22786}{22842}I have problems too.
{22846}{22998}Well, I can't help you, kid.
I'm just a|terrific horn player with tons of soul.
{23001}{23082}- But I can jam with you.|- Okay.
{23442}{23520}Oh, I'm so lonely {23520}{23601}Since my baby left me {23603}{23681}I got no money {23685}{23771}And nothing is free {23775}{23852}Oh, I been so lonely {23856}{23942}Since the day I was born {23945}{24023}All I got is this rusty {24023}{24101}This rusty old horn {24105}{24182}I got a bratty brother {24185}{24272}He bugs me every day {24275}{24353}And this morning|my own mother {24356}{24442}She gave|my last cupcake away {24442}{24521}My dad acts|like he belongs {24523}{24602}He belongs in the zoo {24605}{24682}I'm the saddest kid {24686}{24815}In grade number two {24965}{25094}you know, you play pretty well|for someone with no real problems.
{25096}{25162}Yeah, but I don't|feel any better.
{25165}{25231}The blues|isn't about feelin' better.
{25234}{25366}It's about makin' other people|feel worse and makin'|a few bucks while you're at it.
{25369}{25444}Which reminds me, if you're|ever in the neighborhood, {25444}{25527}I'm playing in a little club|called the jazz Hole.
{25527}{25600}Lisa!
Get away from|that jazzman!
{25602}{25669}- But Mom!
Can't I stay|a little longer?|- Come on.
{25671}{25791}We were worried about you.
Nothing|personal.
I just fear the unfamiliar.
{26334}{26406}Today's fire|raced through downtown Springfield, {26409}{26505}gutting Symphony Hall, the Springfield|Museum of Natural History, {26505}{26592}the Springfield Arts Center|and Barney's Bowl-a-rama.
{26595}{26652}- Officials said the-- {26655}{26724}Oh, no!
Marge!
{26726}{26826}- Marge, are you all right?|- No!
I'm very upset.
{26829}{26927}Then you've heard.
Oh, God.|What are we gonna do?
{26930}{27035}- The lanes were kinda warped,|but, oh, the food.|- I'm upset about Lisa.
{27035}{27116}- Oh, me too.|- Me three.
What are we talking about?
{27116}{27251}- Bart!|- Do you think you're being nice|enough to your sister, Bart?
{27251}{27344}- Oh, yeah, easy.|- you do love her, don't you?
{27348}{27419}- Oh, Mom.|- Well, you do.
Don't you?
{27423}{27530}Don't make me say it.|I know the answer.
You know the answer.
{27530}{27599}He knows the answer.|Let's just drop it.
Okay?
{27603}{27676}Okay, Bart.|you don't have to say it, {27680}{27740}but you do have to have|a loving attitude.
{27743}{27818}Be nice to your sister.
{27821}{27944}-Okey-dokey.|-Go on, Bart.
No time like the present.
{28021}{28109}- Hi, man.|- I don't want your pity.
{28111}{28163}- Aw, come on.
I'll cheer you up.|- How?
{28208}{28270}- Yeah.
Moe's Tavern.
Moe speaking.
{28274}{28330}- Is jacques there?|- Who?
{28334}{28450}-jacques.
Last name Strap.|- Uh, hold on.
{28450}{28531}Uh, jacques Strap?
{28534}{28603}Hey, guys, I'm lookin'|for a jacques Strap.
{28606}{28705}- What?
{28705}{28798}Aw, wait a minute.|Jacques Strap?
{28801}{28911}It's you, isn't it,|you cowardly little runt!
{28911}{29023}When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut|you like a fish and drink your blood.
{29115}{29203}- Where's your sense of humor, man?
{29205}{29317}Lisa, you'll be late|for band practice.
Let's go.
{29718}{29865}Uh, give me some quarters.|I'm doing my laundry.
{29868}{29943}Yeah.
Right.
{30069}{30155}- Where's the video boxing?|- It's over there in the corner.
{30159}{30239}If I were you I really would use|those quarters for laundry.
{30243}{30299}Wise guy.
{30395}{30494}- Hey, that kid's pretty good.|- Good?
Are you kidding?
{30494}{30584}Over 2.000 fights, and he's still on|his original quarter.
{30588}{30648}Okay, who's next?
{30650}{30740}- Me, me, me, me, me!|- No, me!
{30743}{30822}- Listen, can you teach me|to fight like you do?|- I don't think so.
{30824}{30920}- Oh, come on.|- I'll tell you what.
I'll do|it if you bark like a dog.
{30920}{31034}you little-- {31037}{31112}you got yourself a deal, Fido.
{31240}{31352}- Well, looks like you're|all out of quarters, old man.|- That's okay.
{31352}{31448}With the tips you've given me,|I'm gonna pound the tar out of...
{31448}{31579}- a certain little smarty-pants tonight.
{31583}{31660}Howie!
I thought I told you|to stop wasting your money...
{31663}{31720}- in this stupid place!|- Sorry, Mom.
{31723}{31892}And you!
A man of your age.|you should be ashamed of yourself.
{31892}{31981}Excuse me.
I think|I hear my wife calling.
{32257}{32359}Now, Lisa, listen to me.|This is important.
{32362}{32478}- I want you to smile today.|- But I don't feel like smiling.
{32482}{32596}Well, it doesn't matter how|you feel inside, you know.
{32598}{32673}It's what shows up|on the surface that counts.
{32677}{32806}That's what my mother|taught me.
Take all your|bad feelings and push them down.
{32806}{32952}All the way down, past your knees,|until you're almost walking on them.
{32952}{33061}And then you'll fit in, and|you'll be invited to parties, {33063}{33207}and boys will like you,|and happiness will follow.
{33209}{33282}Oh, come on.|you can do better than that.
{33321}{33389}Oh, that's my girl.
{33393}{33471}I feel more popular already.
{33522}{33588}- Hey, uh, nice smile.|- Thanks.
{33591}{33726}Hey, what are you talkin' to her for?|She's just gonna say somethin' weird.
{33728}{33848}- Not me.|- you know, I used to think|you were some brainiac, {33852}{33921}but I guess you're okay.
{33921}{34022}- Uh-huh.|- Hey, why don't you come over|to my house after practice?
{34022}{34095}- you could do my homework.|- Okay.
{34097}{34148}Mmm.
{34151}{34265}Five minutes, people.
Now, Miss Simpson,|I hope we won't have a repeat...
{34268}{34365}of yesterday's out burst|of unbridled creativity.
{34397}{34468}- No, sir.
{34637}{34768}- Wow, Mom!|- Hmm.
So that's where she gets it.
{34802}{34888}Lisa, I apologize to you.|I was wrong.
{34892}{35026}I take it all back.
Always be yourself.|you wanna be sad, honey, be sad.
{35030}{35146}We'll ride it out with you.|And when you get finished feeling sad, {35150}{35206}we'll still be there.
{35210}{35330}From now on, let me do|the smiling for both of us.
{35332}{35407}Okay, Mom.
{35410}{35467}I said you could stop|smiling, Lisa.
{35470}{35518}I feel like smiling.
{35575}{35710}I'm gonna knock you out|one more time, and that's it.|This is getting boring, man.
{35713}{35793}Just ty not to kill me|too hard, son.
{35911}{36012}- Whoa!|- Kid, tonight's not your night.
{36012}{36076}All right, man, you asked|for it.
No more Mr.
Nice Guy.
{36078}{36156}Aha!
Blocked it.|You missed me.
{36231}{36306}- Oh!|- I got you.
Ooh.
{36310}{36372}- Don't try that.
I got you blocked.
{36375}{36475}And the crowd is on its feet as|Hurricane Homer moves in for the kill!
{36475}{36533}Boys, I'd like|your attention, please.
{36533}{36651}Quiet, Marge!
This is my|big moment!
Bart "The Bloody|Pulp" Simpson is on the ropes.
{36653}{36720}He is hoping I'll put him|out of his misery!
{36723}{36825}Well, you're in luck, Bart!|Here comes my right!
{36827}{36906}Oh, no!
{36906}{37041}My game, my game!|I could have beat the boy.
{37044}{37134}Marge, how could you?|I was so close.
{37136}{37245}I'm sorry, but this is more important|than that silly, loud game.
{37247}{37355}You're right, Mom.
I'd just like to use|this occasion to announce my retirement, {37359}{37464}- undefeated, from the world|of video boxing.
{37464}{37577}Oh, calm down, Homer.|Lisa has an idea that she thinks...
{37580}{37676}- would be fun for the whole family.
{37679}{37769}The next song was written|by a friend of mine, {37772}{37859}one of the great|little ladies of jazz.
{38401}{38527}I got this bratty brother {38527}{38587}He bugs me every day {38641}{38737}And this mornin'|my own mother {38737}{38817}Gave my last cupcake away {38872}{38989}My dad acts like|he belongs, y'all {38992}{39091}-He belongs in the zoo|- What?
{39091}{39186}I'm the saddest kid {39190}{39295}In grade number two