TV-Serie: The O.C. - 2x7
Previously on The O.C.
Is it just me, or is Zach perfect?
He is like Newport's Prince William.
I get nervous, and I start talking, and then nothing can shut me up.
Except that.
I have missed you all day.
Does this count as adultery?
You're not, like, becoming friends, are you?
Would that be so terrible?
Really?
You don't go to school?
I got kicked out.
Of Corona, Mater Dei and even Newport Union.
16 years ago I made an error in judgment, one that almost ruined my marriage.
You're my father?
Hey, man, what's going on?
Studying.
Would you punch someone, please, for old time's sake?
All right, fine, logarithms are the new uppercut, I got it.
Wow.
Now I see it.
See what?
I been looking through old photos of my mom, looking for resemblances to Lindsay.
Look at that.
Are you trying to make this more awkward for me?
What?
It's not like you dating Lindsay's full-on incest you're not even really related.
You're not...
you wouldn't get arrested, you wouldn't have chromosomally challenged children.
Kirsten's, like, my mom.
Lindsay is...
clearly her sister.
It is kind of weird.
The fact that your mom doesn't know that I'm dating her sister, it's a lot weird.
I think they did a storyline like this on The Valley once.
Great, could you tell me how it ends, then?
Well, you just have to ask yourself the question, Ryan: is she your girlfriend, or is she your aunt?
Ah, yes, the age-old question.
That's right.
it's a story as old as time, really.
Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.
I'm guessing it's too soon to joke, Seth, even for a Cohen.
I just don't know what to do, you know?
What to say.
Well, have you talked to Lindsay?
Nah, wanted to give her space over winter break, let her figure everything out.
That's all you can do.
And if she comes back and decides she wants to be part of this family...
Then we're done dating, huh?
Unless you want to move to the South.
Kirsten doesn't know you're seeing Lindsay, right?
She thinks we're just friends.
Good, 'cause I think it's best that the Mrs.
doesn't find out.
Well, that's something that every wife wants to hear.
Doesn't find out what?
How much I love you?
Sandy?
Yes?
You don't have to lie to me.
I know that Renee's testimony is today, and that my father is going free.
Yeah.
Sharp as a tack.
Just, it's, like, a laser beam.
But that doesn't mean I have to forgive him.
Not after what he did to Lindsay, that poor girl.
I've been thinking.
We should do something for her.
This girl grew up not knowing who she is or where she's from, and we're her family.
If she wants us.
Oh, she wants us.
I mean...
you guys.
Well, you, too, Ryan...
you're as much a part of this family as any of us.
I mean, if she's my sister, she's your aunt.
Well, thanks for clearing that one up, honey.
Actually, she's so young, she's more like your sister.
Oh.
Hey, a sister.
I always wanted one of those.
Ryan, how about you?
The O.C.
207, OC team Cookie, Synchro VO Scidou Don't worry about it, 'cause it's no biggie.
What are you talking about?
When Seth met your dad, it almost ended the relationship.
Well, DJ meeting your dad can't be worse than when he met your mom.
I suppose this time he will be wearing clothes.
I don't know, DJ without his clothes on?
Pretty undeniable.
Look, it'll be fine.
Your dad's totally chill.
He won't judge.
It's just, he's the only sane person in my family, the only one who comes even close to getting me.
And I really want him to like DJ.
Oh, hey, Seth.
What's up, man?
Hey!
What's going on, man?
Did you get my Christmas card?
I did.
I appreciate the apology.
So, uh, we're friends again, then?
We're real men, okay?
Red-blooded meat eaters.
Occasionally from time to time we're going to brawl.
It's our nature.
So we can talk about stuff, confidential stuff, and it's cool?
Yeah, listen, man, after all the trouble I caused, I'm happy to have a chance to help, so come on.
while I was in Cabo with my family, uh, I ran into an old girlfriend, and, uh, we were at Squid Row, late, and, uh, we kind of kissed.
All right, well, first question, um...
this old flame, do you still have feelings for her?
Well, I really like her kids.
Uh, she's a little older than me.
She was my math tutor when I was 14.
Holy...
'80s teen comedy plot.
She's in the middle of a divorce, she had had a lot of tequila, Chingy was playing...
Oh.
Chingy and tequila.
Seduction has no two finer allies.
It was just a quick kiss, and then I, like, ran out of there, but...
I feel really guilty.
Well, man, if it was anybody else, I would say keep it to yourself, you'll lead a much happier life.
No, I can't do that, man.
I know...
because you have a conscience, whatever, so you got to be honest with Summer, then.
Tell her you feel terrible, and tell her that all it did was make you realize how much you like her.
And definitely do not mention the ex having kids and multiple divorces.
You should be fine.
You think so?
Yeah, you'll be good.
And you're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
Zach...
even if I wanted to, the code, it dictates...
I cannot.
How was your vacation?
/ How have you been?
I wanted to call you.
No, I'm glad you didn't.
I- I mean, I wanted to talk to you, but...
I haven't really been in the frame of mind to talk to anyone about anything.
Not even your mom?
Uh, not until I've completed several hundred hours of intense psychotherapy.
Which was a very thoughtful gift from her, by the way.
Well, if you need some more time.
I mean, if you don't want to hang out right now, uh, or ever.
Uh, I-I do.
We just need to find our own personal Switzerland.
Someplace neutral.
And we can't hang out at my house 'cause my mom's there, and...
we can't hang out at your house..
Because your sister's there?
She's not my, um...
I mean, I guess technically she is, but...
Just so I can be clear on what everybody is to everybody: you and the Cohens?
Friends.
They're my friends.
And me and you?
More than friends?
More than friends.
And definitely not related.
I don't want this to be like kissing your sister.
The thought never crossed my mind.
I got to tell you, Sanford, you're one hell of a lawyer.
The charges have been dropped, and the secrets of our situation sealed by the courts.
You did it.
I'm a free man.
And a smug one, too.
Excuse me for wringing a little joy out of the one bitof good news I've had for some time.
Well, never mind the fact that the news came at the expense of your family.
Or did you fail to notice Kirsten's absence at the hearing this morning?
I know I've got some work to do on my relationship with my daughter.
Now, which daughter are we talking about?
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy with Kirsten.
Once I get back to work, I can lighten her load...
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Back to work?
Now that the scandal's gone, there's no reason for me to distance myself from the Newport Group.
Except for the fact that the woman running the company hates you.
Which woman are we talking about?
Well, I hope he's not expecting a party in his honor.
Yeah, I'll...
I'll see you back at the office.
Bye, Kirsten.
He's free?
He's free.
I might have to spike these drinks.
I don't know if they're strong enough.
He, uh...
he won't serve any jail time.
That's it.
It's just...
Over?
What are we talking about here, Jimmy, Caleb...
or us?
Definitely not strong enough.
Well, I should get back to the office, back to my life, huh?
But what if it wasn't my life?
What if I could just walk away from it?
Well, that would depend on what you're walking to.
Maybe we just needed this time apart to appreciate each other, what we had.
But what if we...
can't ever have it again?
I'm willing to find out if you are.
Hi.
I hope you don't mind me showing up like this.
I was wondering if I could give you a ride home.
Oh, uh, thanks, but I have a car.
A- And there's a better than 50/50 chance it'll actually start.
Well, I know there's no right way to do this, FTD doesn't make a...
Happy Surprise Sister bouquet?
And, uh, I know you're not on the market for any new relatives, but...
how about a friend?
We could go grab a friendly cup of coffee.
Yeah, a friendly cup of coffee would be cool.
You have nothing to be nervous about.
It's gonna be great.
What's he into?
Does he like sports?
Uh, he really likes ESPN Classics.
Is that your mom?
Alex, it's Seth.
Come on, I came over to welcome you back.
You've really changed over break.
Wow.
Who are you?
Uh, just, um, a guy.
I probably have the wrong apartment.
Sorry.
Seth?
What are you doing here?
I came over to say hi, see how your vacation was.
Didn't realize I needed to bring my own tourniquet.
Sorry, I just...
I didn't expect you to be here.
Especially so early in the morning.
It's 3:30 in the afternoon.
Family vacations really take it out of you, huh?
Oh, yeah.
I bailed on family early.
I just came back to catch up with old friends.
Wait, so you've been back for a while and you didn't...
I don't know, call me?
I've been catching up with old friends.
Who, the large shirtless guy that answered the door...
he asked, not remotely jealous.
You know, I am...
so hung over right now.
I just think...
Are you?
Well, have you...
have you eaten anything?
You want me to maybe put some coffee on or fix you a sandwich?
Fix me a sandwich?
Hey, Alex, we're going to go grab some smokes and some more beers, we'll be right back.
Okay.
Okay, I'm trying to do the math here and, uh...
well, I have a few questions.
I will answer all of your questions tonight at the Modest Mouse concert, okay?
It's just, my head is killing me and...
So, it was nice to see you.
Really nice of you to stop by.
Really nice.
Nice.
She kept saying the word "nice. "
You know what that means, don't you?
Aw, she thinks you're nice.
Yeah, exactly...
nice.
As in lacking any edge and/or danger.
Well, you did offer to fix her a sandwich.
Oh...
I know.
It's like the more edgy and dangerous she became, the more I became like a Jewish grandmother.
Not your grandmother.
Keep shucking, Seth.
I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Hey, maybe I don't feel like shucking these, okay?!
Maybe you should go and shuck 'em yourself, old man.
That's good.
You had me shaking in my boots.
I'm so screwed.
Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk.
I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta named Sylvia.
Hey, look at all this.
You guys making dinner?
We wanted to surprise you.
I have a little surprise myself.
Look who's joining us.
Oh!
We were having coffee and we were talking and then we did a little shopping.
A lot of shopping.
And next thing you know, it was dinner time.
I hope you guys don't mind me crashing.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
I think dinner with all of us would be really nice.
Don't you, Ryan?
Nice, yeah.
Hey, kiddo.
Hey.
Why did you and DJ cancel on me today?
I was looking forward to meeting him.
It just wasn't a good time.
I had a lot of homework and he was really tired.
You were busy making out with Mom.
What?
Marissa.
That...
what?
Dad, I saw you.
Okay.
Look...
I know how it must have looked.
Yeah, it looked a lot like it used to when you would kiss Mom.
But you know, that was before she was married to someone else.
Look, I wanted to talk to you about it.
We both wanted...
How could you get back together with her?
I mean, don't you remember how she ruined your life and mine?
Things are different now.
Oh, really?
So you're not back to lying, cheating, and sneaking around again?
I thought you were past that.
I thought you were going to take this new money and start over.
Please, let me, let me, let me explain.
What's there to talk about?
We already know how it ends.
We've already lived through this once.
You know, for once, I wish you would just grow up and be like a real dad.
What are you doing?
Hey, I just, uh, I needed to borrow a wife-beater for tonight.
I thought you had several, so...
Yeah, and why are you wearing it?
Well, Alex, she called me nice, Ryan.
So what I'm trying to do is cultivate more of a, more of a bad boy image.
Yeah, I don't think that's going to get the job done.
You're right.
I need to borrow your wrist cuff.
Oh, hey, also, remember that choker you used to wear?
No.
Just, no.
All right.
You're extra broodish.
What's up?
Is that Lindsay thing still bothering you?
Not at all.
I mean, we had a really nice family dinner.
I know, I thought so.
Which is part of the problem, right?
Got it.
It shouldn't be a problem.
I mean, Lindsay wants to hang out with the sister she never knew she had, I can't stand in the way.
Or make it all about me, right?
No, that's something I would do.
Which is perfect because you're becoming more like me, which paves the way for me to become the brooding bad boy.
You realize we're both screwed?
Dude, I'm wearing a wife-beater.
These walls are paper thin And everyone hears every little sound Everyone's a voyeurist, they're watching me Watch them, watch me, right now They're shakin' hands, they're shakin' in their shoes Oh, Lord, don't shake me down Everyone wants two of them And half of everyone else who's around Laugh hard, it's a long ways to the bank I can't be blamed for nothin' anymore What's that?
What's what?
Oh, this?
This is my good friend, John.
John?
Yeah, a good friend of mine.
Who's John?
No, I said, I said Jim.
Or, no, what I meant to say was Jack.
They're all my friends.
Yeah, that ought to take the edge off right there.
Yeah, you guys seem real friendly.
We're super friendly.
So if you need me, I'm going to be drinking by the speaker 'cause I don't care about tinnitus, okay?
Uh, I've got terrible news, really.
I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
You were married before Julie?
You're in love with Julie?
I don't believe that.
Oh, unfortunately, I do.
Jimmy, after everything she did to you before?
I know, that's what Marissa said.
Marissa knows?
She caught us.
And the things she said...
well, they're all true.
Look, here's the deal.
I can't be here and be with Julie.
But right now, I can't be here and...
not be with Julie.
What are you saying?
When Hailey left, I felt adrift.
So I made some calls to see what was out there and I came across this company that charters yachts for sale...
...in Maui.
You're leaving?
Yeah.
I need to get away from here before I do any more damage to myself or to my kids...
to, to Julie.
I love Newport, but it's, it's no good for me right now.
In the last year, I've nearly been arrested and bankrupt for stealing from my clients, I got punched out at my daughter's cotillion, I lost my house, my family, I tried to kiss you, which I-I still feel terrible about.
I spent the summer drunk on a boat with your 25-year-old sister, and now I'm getting back together with a woman who, who started this in the first place.
I can't stay here any longer.
I just can't do it.
So when would you go?
Well, they faxed over a contract a couple of weeks ago.
All I have to do is sign it and it's mine.
A couple of days and I'm...
I'm history.
Your gun went off.
Well, you shot off your mouth and look where it got you My mouth runs on, too Shouts from both sides Well, we've got the land.
But they've got the view.
Well, now, here's the clue You're giving me the pinky?
I'm not really into public displays of affection.
All right, let's go.
Outside, we've got to talk.
So, too bad Coop couldn't make it.
Um, Zach, only I can call her Coop.
It's kind of weird when you say it.
Got it.
Too bad Marissa couldn't make it.
I'd be freaking out, too if my mom and dad were getting back together, and, like, kept this huge secret from me.
Yeah, so, uh, we haven't had a chance to talk about our winter breaks yet.
I know.
Hey!
Modest Mouse!
Hey, volume, Cohen.
It's not Metallica.
No, it's not Metallica!
It's Modest Mouse!
Ew!
You're like so sweaty.
Come here.
Wait.
Your breath smells like Marissa!
You are so drunk!
So, hey, you guys are hanging out.
That's cool.
I guess she was cool with it, right?
Cool with what?
Thanks, Seth.
You're welcome.
Welcome.
Hey...
is the stage revolving or are we?
They're really good.
What's the matter?
You know what?
You're the matter.
I mean, you've been weird all night.
You've been weird pretty much since I showed up for dinner, which, by the way, was weird for me, too.
Well, what happened to Switzerland?
Uh, Kirsten wanted to hang out and she's really cool.
She is.
And if you want to hang out with her, you should.
But if the Cohens are really my family, then you are my family.
Which means kissing me is like kissing your sister or step-aunt.
Ryan!
You have to take Seth home, right now.
He is wasted and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.
I cannot believe you.
And I cannot believe that you told Cohen.
See?
And he puked all over the merchandise table, which I now have to go and mop up.
Ah!
I know who lives here!
This is the Cohen residence in the heezy.
Okay, okay, we've got to be really stealth here.
Hey, I was all-camp, Capture The Flag, Camp Tacaho, I invented the stealth.
That's right, you did.
I sure did!
But you're yelling.
You need to be quiet.
I haven't been this wasted since your first night in Newport, when we beat up those kids.
With a little bit of that...
and a little bit of that.
You need the seat belt.
Little bit of that...
You need your seat belt.
What's going on?
You guys okay?
Seth?
Shh...
We're being stealth.
Shh.
Look, everything you said yesterday, you were right.
I'm making the same mistakes all over again with your mom.
So you're going to end it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Well, that's great, Dad.
But, it's, uh, it's...
it's more complicated than that.
I, um, I need to get some perspective on the world, or...
or something.
You're right.
I need to learn how to be a real dad.
So, I'm, uh, leaving.
What?
Yeah, I'm moving to Maui.
That's your idea of being a real dad?
Abandoning me and moving to Hawaii?
It's not forever.
It's only for six months, maybe.
You can come and visit anytime you want.
Well, good luck with that.
I mean, I hear Maui's beautiful.
Uh, you know, there's going to be a good-bye party, tonight at the Cohens'.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Totally.
I mean, you were the last thing keeping me sane, so when you leave it should be interesting to see how things go.
But, uh, I'll see you tonight.
Hello.
I just came by to tell you I'm dying and thank you for your friendship.
Oh...
slowly, slowly.
Oh, and also to apologize for whatever happened last night.
You don't have to apologize to me.
Have you talked to Zach?
No, why?
Ah, you kind of destroyed his relationship with Summer.
Oh, I violated the code of man.
Mmm.
Talked to Alex?
She won't answer my calls.
Hmm.
Might have something to do with all the vomit.
All the vomit?
How much vomit?
Like the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Well, you wanted to be a bad boy.
You did bad.
Yeah, but not in a good way.
I've got to talk to Alex.
I'm sure I can be a good bad boy, not a bad bad boy.
Mm-hmm.
Good luck with that.
Aspirin?
Thank you.
You have lobster rolls, right?
He loves lobster rolls.
Oh, if it isn't my son, the wine-oh You guys found out?
You weren't exactly stealth.
Damn.
I lost a step since Tahoe.
Your dad's been waiting for you to leave the room, so he can send you back to it.
That's great.
Um, I know I should probably be used to this at this point, but uh, are we having a party?
It's Jimmy Cooper's going away party.
Oh, okay, wow.
Great.
Then I'm going to run a quick errand real fast and then I'm going to come straight home.
You're not going anywhere.
Dad, I'm grounded.
I get it, I deserve it, okay?
Even though this headache is just far worse than any punishment that you could administer...
No.
I need to go see a girl very fast, and then I will come straight home.
Now, which girl is this?
The one who thinks you're too nice?
The one you're trying to impress by drinking a fifth of Jack?
I think his name was John, but yes, and Dad, it went horribly, okay?
So I just need to talk to her really fast and I need to, you know, sort of, you know...
Go upstairs and get dressed.
You know what, maybe if I'm grounded, I shouldn't go to this party.
I'm going to go get dressed.
Stairs.
Hi.
I got you something.
It's the novelization of The Valley, Season One.
I have the hard cover signed by Gertie Bridges.
I should go.
No, that's why I'm here.
I wanted to give you a ride.
Actually, I'm going to go alone.
You're going by yourself?
Han Solo.
Okay?
But if I change my mind, I'll have Cohen get drunk and let you know, okay?
Summer, come on.
Hooking up with your tutor, Zach?
Not even that cool in the '80's.
I mean, she could have at least been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.
Come around in this fine town where their freedom makes the world go around Where dreams are found...
Hey, Julie.
Hey, uh, Kirsten.
Sad day, thinking about Jimmy Cooper, huh?
Why, I remember when he was a boy, taking him out in the boat, inviting him over...
for dinner.
Listen, I'll see you in a few.
I'm gonna slip out for a while.
I'm trying to fix things with Alex.
What about your parents?
They're scary.
Which is why I need you to cover for me, okay?
Just throw up the smoke screen, give them some of that Ryan Atwood double talk.
I barely talk.
Good point.
The less said, the better.
I- I don't think this is a good idea, man.
You call yourself a bad boy.
Jimbo.
I'm sorry we couldn't get a better turnout for you.
Well, considering I defrauded most of my closest friends...
it's not bad.
I'm going to miss you, Jimmy.
Ah, well.
Thanks, Sandy.
How'd she take the news?
I haven't talked to her yet.
Good luck with that.
Hi, Julie.
Were you just going to send me a postcard?
I wouldn't have known you were leaving if Kirsten hadn't invited me to your going away party.
Of course I was going to tell you.
Can we, can we talk about this someplace a little bit more private, please?
Look who stopped by.
I'm going to go grab some champagne.
You two have fun.
Now we're waving at each other.
I thought you agreed Kirsten can't find out about us, right?
Right, because then it might be weird.
Ryan, have you seen...
Lindsay, hello.
Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt.
I'll find Julie myself.
Good to see you.
Bye, Dad.
Yeah, this isn't going to be weird at all.
Did you really think that this was going somewhere?
I don't know, Jimmy.
I was under the impression that this meant something.
Well, it did.
It...
does.
But did you really think it was going to last?
You really think that I would leave you again?
Well, history isn't exactly working in your favor on that one.
Plus, you deserve to be happy with Caleb.
Oh, yeah, that's a storybook romance with our illegitimate children and our tapped phone lines.
At least it's real.
Jules.
Jules.
You've got to go so soon?
I think it's probably best I go before anyone knows why I'm going.
Oh, I...
I'm s-sorry.
I didn't mean to...
It's fine.
We're just saying our good-byes.
See you, James.
So long, Jules.
Hey!
People I know.
Yeah.
Where's Zach?
He couldn't make it.
Where's Cohen?
Oh, he's hurting from last night.
Well, I'd like to hurt him for last night.
Kind of a boring party.
Not for long.
I'm fine.
Well, if it isn't the wicked witch of the west coast.
Are you drunk?
Let me guess: tequila?
She was like this when I picked her up.
You don't have to defend yourself to her.
No, but you do, young lady.
Come on, let's go, DJ, before she tries to sleep with you next.
What did you say?
You heard me, you whore.
Hey, guys, guys, not here.
No, let's do it here.
Okay?
You know what?
Let's tell everyone why you're leaving, Dad.
Why don't you tell everyone why you're leaving.
Huh?
Hello, everybody.
Let's go, Marissa, you're drunk.
Get off of me.
Guys, hey, guys.
Come on.
Come on.
Do you see what you're leaving me with?
You see how screwed up she is?
Of course I'm screwed up.
I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut.
You know what, I just...
I just hate you both so much.
You wanted a good old-fashioned O.C.
party.
I just hope she's okay, and that she calls.
As bad as I thought she'd take it, that was worse.
Well, it's going to be hard for her.
For all of us.
I was hoping that while I'm gone, you'd go over to the house and check up on her.
My father lives in that house, Jimmy.
I know.
That's why I want you to go there.
I need to know that someone is watching over her.
For my oldest friend, anything.
I can't believe this.
If we had gotten married, I'd be moving to Hawaii.
No, if I'd married you, there's no way I would have left.
I just want to get the hell out of here.
Where'd they park my car, Irvine?
Excuse me, Mr.
Nichol.
Uh, there's a problem with your car.
You scratched my Aston Martin?
Your car's been stolen.
Wow, who's car is that?
This?
It's mine, Alex.
I stole it.
You stole a car?
Yep.
I do that sometimes, Alex.
I do it for kicks.
Are you trying to impress me or something?
What?
You know, with getting drunk and stealing cars, and...
It's just...
Seth, I've been with a lot of bad boys and you are not one of them.
Right.
Well, I'm just gonna make a Bundt cake and put on some tea.
See you later.
No, Seth, you're a good guy.
And that's why I like you.
Really?
Well, that's good, because I don't think this whole bad boy thing is really working out for me.
Me neither.
Is this your vehicle, sir?
What are you still doing here?
Uh, your stepmom blocked my car in.
I tried to wake her up, but is she, like, alive?
Yeah, just heavily medicated.
Uh, how was the party?
I don't know.
Maybe I should hire you a tutor and she can catch you up on everything.
Look...
I've had a lot of time to sit here, vibrating at a very high frequency and think.
And I realize this is a really important moment for us.
This is our first fight that wasn't about Cohen.
I mean, he helped, but this fight, it's ours.
I guess that's true.
I'm really sorry.
It didn't mean anything, believe me.
It's not about what happened, Zach.
It's just that you didn't tell me, you told Cohen.
From now on, I'll tell you everything.
Why, planning on screwing up again?
Only one way to find out.
We finally have a moment alone.
Yeah, maybe a chance to talk about everything.
You know what?
I don't want to.
I mean, we keep hypothesizing how kissing me might be like kissing your sister, and I think we should just find out.
So you want me to kiss you as an experiment?
Yeah.
And if it truly is weird, well, then that's our answer.
Okay.
No, uh, pressure.
Right.
She's everything Everything I'm already somebody's baby You don't deserve to feel for me Oh, hey, guys.
I was wondering if you've seen Seth.
No.
We were just looking for him ourselves.
Okay, thanks.
That was close Yeah, maybe we should just...
keep this to ourselves for now.
At least until we find out if we're breaking any laws.
Hey, Dad.
How was the party?
I think somebody called the cops.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I called him.
Thanks, DJ.
Appreciate it.
You mind if I join you?
I never thought I'd leave this place.
I guess life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will, huh?
I'll take that as a pensive "no. "
I'm sorry, Marissa.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry that I...
I couldn't...
give you the life that...
that you deserve.
Although I nearly went to jail trying.
You've got to give a guy credit for that.
Sweetheart.
Don't go.
Please, don't go.
Don't leave me.
I got to go.
I got to...
I got to get a life.
I know, I know.
It stinks.
But...
But, listen, anytime you want to come live with me, you just let me know, okay?
And I will send a boat or a plane, whatever, okay?
It's getting...
it's getting kind of cold.
I think we should head back, huh?
Want to get out of here?
Wait.
Can we just...
Can we just sit here for a while?
Sure, kiddo.
Here, put this on.
You must be freezing.
I'll sit with you all night.
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain if the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand I move on to another day To a whole new town...
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I was just, uh, seeing my dad off.
He left this morning.
I'm sorry.
I brought bagels.
Well, that's the secret password into the Cohen house.
Come on in.
Marissa brought bagels.
Thank God.
These ones are stale.
Yeah, I almost chipped a tooth.
Gather around, Marissa, I'm going to teach you how to schmear.
He is an artist with cream cheese.
Well, thank you, honey.
Slicer.
Slicer.
Cream cheese.
Cream cheese.
So, you going to be okay?
Of course.
We got bagels.
Ah, yes, bagels.
Now, Marissa, this is perhaps the most important part.
Without using excess cream cheese...
There's not an ounce, a drop...
Is it just me, or is Zach perfect?
He is like Newport's Prince William.
I get nervous, and I start talking, and then nothing can shut me up.
Except that.
I have missed you all day.
Does this count as adultery?
You're not, like, becoming friends, are you?
Would that be so terrible?
Really?
You don't go to school?
I got kicked out.
Of Corona, Mater Dei and even Newport Union.
16 years ago I made an error in judgment, one that almost ruined my marriage.
You're my father?
Hey, man, what's going on?
Studying.
Would you punch someone, please, for old time's sake?
All right, fine, logarithms are the new uppercut, I got it.
Wow.
Now I see it.
See what?
I been looking through old photos of my mom, looking for resemblances to Lindsay.
Look at that.
Are you trying to make this more awkward for me?
What?
It's not like you dating Lindsay's full-on incest you're not even really related.
You're not...
you wouldn't get arrested, you wouldn't have chromosomally challenged children.
Kirsten's, like, my mom.
Lindsay is...
clearly her sister.
It is kind of weird.
The fact that your mom doesn't know that I'm dating her sister, it's a lot weird.
I think they did a storyline like this on The Valley once.
Great, could you tell me how it ends, then?
Well, you just have to ask yourself the question, Ryan: is she your girlfriend, or is she your aunt?
Ah, yes, the age-old question.
That's right.
it's a story as old as time, really.
Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mother's illegitimate half-sister.
I'm guessing it's too soon to joke, Seth, even for a Cohen.
I just don't know what to do, you know?
What to say.
Well, have you talked to Lindsay?
Nah, wanted to give her space over winter break, let her figure everything out.
That's all you can do.
And if she comes back and decides she wants to be part of this family...
Then we're done dating, huh?
Unless you want to move to the South.
Kirsten doesn't know you're seeing Lindsay, right?
She thinks we're just friends.
Good, 'cause I think it's best that the Mrs.
doesn't find out.
Well, that's something that every wife wants to hear.
Doesn't find out what?
How much I love you?
Sandy?
Yes?
You don't have to lie to me.
I know that Renee's testimony is today, and that my father is going free.
Yeah.
Sharp as a tack.
Just, it's, like, a laser beam.
But that doesn't mean I have to forgive him.
Not after what he did to Lindsay, that poor girl.
I've been thinking.
We should do something for her.
This girl grew up not knowing who she is or where she's from, and we're her family.
If she wants us.
Oh, she wants us.
I mean...
you guys.
Well, you, too, Ryan...
you're as much a part of this family as any of us.
I mean, if she's my sister, she's your aunt.
Well, thanks for clearing that one up, honey.
Actually, she's so young, she's more like your sister.
Oh.
Hey, a sister.
I always wanted one of those.
Ryan, how about you?
The O.C.
207, OC team Cookie, Synchro VO Scidou Don't worry about it, 'cause it's no biggie.
What are you talking about?
When Seth met your dad, it almost ended the relationship.
Well, DJ meeting your dad can't be worse than when he met your mom.
I suppose this time he will be wearing clothes.
I don't know, DJ without his clothes on?
Pretty undeniable.
Look, it'll be fine.
Your dad's totally chill.
He won't judge.
It's just, he's the only sane person in my family, the only one who comes even close to getting me.
And I really want him to like DJ.
Oh, hey, Seth.
What's up, man?
Hey!
What's going on, man?
Did you get my Christmas card?
I did.
I appreciate the apology.
So, uh, we're friends again, then?
We're real men, okay?
Red-blooded meat eaters.
Occasionally from time to time we're going to brawl.
It's our nature.
So we can talk about stuff, confidential stuff, and it's cool?
Yeah, listen, man, after all the trouble I caused, I'm happy to have a chance to help, so come on.
while I was in Cabo with my family, uh, I ran into an old girlfriend, and, uh, we were at Squid Row, late, and, uh, we kind of kissed.
All right, well, first question, um...
this old flame, do you still have feelings for her?
Well, I really like her kids.
Uh, she's a little older than me.
She was my math tutor when I was 14.
Holy...
'80s teen comedy plot.
She's in the middle of a divorce, she had had a lot of tequila, Chingy was playing...
Oh.
Chingy and tequila.
Seduction has no two finer allies.
It was just a quick kiss, and then I, like, ran out of there, but...
I feel really guilty.
Well, man, if it was anybody else, I would say keep it to yourself, you'll lead a much happier life.
No, I can't do that, man.
I know...
because you have a conscience, whatever, so you got to be honest with Summer, then.
Tell her you feel terrible, and tell her that all it did was make you realize how much you like her.
And definitely do not mention the ex having kids and multiple divorces.
You should be fine.
You think so?
Yeah, you'll be good.
And you're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
Zach...
even if I wanted to, the code, it dictates...
I cannot.
How was your vacation?
/ How have you been?
I wanted to call you.
No, I'm glad you didn't.
I- I mean, I wanted to talk to you, but...
I haven't really been in the frame of mind to talk to anyone about anything.
Not even your mom?
Uh, not until I've completed several hundred hours of intense psychotherapy.
Which was a very thoughtful gift from her, by the way.
Well, if you need some more time.
I mean, if you don't want to hang out right now, uh, or ever.
Uh, I-I do.
We just need to find our own personal Switzerland.
Someplace neutral.
And we can't hang out at my house 'cause my mom's there, and...
we can't hang out at your house..
Because your sister's there?
She's not my, um...
I mean, I guess technically she is, but...
Just so I can be clear on what everybody is to everybody: you and the Cohens?
Friends.
They're my friends.
And me and you?
More than friends?
More than friends.
And definitely not related.
I don't want this to be like kissing your sister.
The thought never crossed my mind.
I got to tell you, Sanford, you're one hell of a lawyer.
The charges have been dropped, and the secrets of our situation sealed by the courts.
You did it.
I'm a free man.
And a smug one, too.
Excuse me for wringing a little joy out of the one bitof good news I've had for some time.
Well, never mind the fact that the news came at the expense of your family.
Or did you fail to notice Kirsten's absence at the hearing this morning?
I know I've got some work to do on my relationship with my daughter.
Now, which daughter are we talking about?
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy with Kirsten.
Once I get back to work, I can lighten her load...
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Back to work?
Now that the scandal's gone, there's no reason for me to distance myself from the Newport Group.
Except for the fact that the woman running the company hates you.
Which woman are we talking about?
Well, I hope he's not expecting a party in his honor.
Yeah, I'll...
I'll see you back at the office.
Bye, Kirsten.
He's free?
He's free.
I might have to spike these drinks.
I don't know if they're strong enough.
He, uh...
he won't serve any jail time.
That's it.
It's just...
Over?
What are we talking about here, Jimmy, Caleb...
or us?
Definitely not strong enough.
Well, I should get back to the office, back to my life, huh?
But what if it wasn't my life?
What if I could just walk away from it?
Well, that would depend on what you're walking to.
Maybe we just needed this time apart to appreciate each other, what we had.
But what if we...
can't ever have it again?
I'm willing to find out if you are.
Hi.
I hope you don't mind me showing up like this.
I was wondering if I could give you a ride home.
Oh, uh, thanks, but I have a car.
A- And there's a better than 50/50 chance it'll actually start.
Well, I know there's no right way to do this, FTD doesn't make a...
Happy Surprise Sister bouquet?
And, uh, I know you're not on the market for any new relatives, but...
how about a friend?
We could go grab a friendly cup of coffee.
Yeah, a friendly cup of coffee would be cool.
You have nothing to be nervous about.
It's gonna be great.
What's he into?
Does he like sports?
Uh, he really likes ESPN Classics.
Is that your mom?
Alex, it's Seth.
Come on, I came over to welcome you back.
You've really changed over break.
Wow.
Who are you?
Uh, just, um, a guy.
I probably have the wrong apartment.
Sorry.
Seth?
What are you doing here?
I came over to say hi, see how your vacation was.
Didn't realize I needed to bring my own tourniquet.
Sorry, I just...
I didn't expect you to be here.
Especially so early in the morning.
It's 3:30 in the afternoon.
Family vacations really take it out of you, huh?
Oh, yeah.
I bailed on family early.
I just came back to catch up with old friends.
Wait, so you've been back for a while and you didn't...
I don't know, call me?
I've been catching up with old friends.
Who, the large shirtless guy that answered the door...
he asked, not remotely jealous.
You know, I am...
so hung over right now.
I just think...
Are you?
Well, have you...
have you eaten anything?
You want me to maybe put some coffee on or fix you a sandwich?
Fix me a sandwich?
Hey, Alex, we're going to go grab some smokes and some more beers, we'll be right back.
Okay.
Okay, I'm trying to do the math here and, uh...
well, I have a few questions.
I will answer all of your questions tonight at the Modest Mouse concert, okay?
It's just, my head is killing me and...
So, it was nice to see you.
Really nice of you to stop by.
Really nice.
Nice.
She kept saying the word "nice. "
You know what that means, don't you?
Aw, she thinks you're nice.
Yeah, exactly...
nice.
As in lacking any edge and/or danger.
Well, you did offer to fix her a sandwich.
Oh...
I know.
It's like the more edgy and dangerous she became, the more I became like a Jewish grandmother.
Not your grandmother.
Keep shucking, Seth.
I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Hey, maybe I don't feel like shucking these, okay?!
Maybe you should go and shuck 'em yourself, old man.
That's good.
You had me shaking in my boots.
I'm so screwed.
Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk.
I get mad, I turn into, like, a 75-year-old yenta named Sylvia.
Hey, look at all this.
You guys making dinner?
We wanted to surprise you.
I have a little surprise myself.
Look who's joining us.
Oh!
We were having coffee and we were talking and then we did a little shopping.
A lot of shopping.
And next thing you know, it was dinner time.
I hope you guys don't mind me crashing.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
I think dinner with all of us would be really nice.
Don't you, Ryan?
Nice, yeah.
Hey, kiddo.
Hey.
Why did you and DJ cancel on me today?
I was looking forward to meeting him.
It just wasn't a good time.
I had a lot of homework and he was really tired.
You were busy making out with Mom.
What?
Marissa.
That...
what?
Dad, I saw you.
Okay.
Look...
I know how it must have looked.
Yeah, it looked a lot like it used to when you would kiss Mom.
But you know, that was before she was married to someone else.
Look, I wanted to talk to you about it.
We both wanted...
How could you get back together with her?
I mean, don't you remember how she ruined your life and mine?
Things are different now.
Oh, really?
So you're not back to lying, cheating, and sneaking around again?
I thought you were past that.
I thought you were going to take this new money and start over.
Please, let me, let me, let me explain.
What's there to talk about?
We already know how it ends.
We've already lived through this once.
You know, for once, I wish you would just grow up and be like a real dad.
What are you doing?
Hey, I just, uh, I needed to borrow a wife-beater for tonight.
I thought you had several, so...
Yeah, and why are you wearing it?
Well, Alex, she called me nice, Ryan.
So what I'm trying to do is cultivate more of a, more of a bad boy image.
Yeah, I don't think that's going to get the job done.
You're right.
I need to borrow your wrist cuff.
Oh, hey, also, remember that choker you used to wear?
No.
Just, no.
All right.
You're extra broodish.
What's up?
Is that Lindsay thing still bothering you?
Not at all.
I mean, we had a really nice family dinner.
I know, I thought so.
Which is part of the problem, right?
Got it.
It shouldn't be a problem.
I mean, Lindsay wants to hang out with the sister she never knew she had, I can't stand in the way.
Or make it all about me, right?
No, that's something I would do.
Which is perfect because you're becoming more like me, which paves the way for me to become the brooding bad boy.
You realize we're both screwed?
Dude, I'm wearing a wife-beater.
These walls are paper thin And everyone hears every little sound Everyone's a voyeurist, they're watching me Watch them, watch me, right now They're shakin' hands, they're shakin' in their shoes Oh, Lord, don't shake me down Everyone wants two of them And half of everyone else who's around Laugh hard, it's a long ways to the bank I can't be blamed for nothin' anymore What's that?
What's what?
Oh, this?
This is my good friend, John.
John?
Yeah, a good friend of mine.
Who's John?
No, I said, I said Jim.
Or, no, what I meant to say was Jack.
They're all my friends.
Yeah, that ought to take the edge off right there.
Yeah, you guys seem real friendly.
We're super friendly.
So if you need me, I'm going to be drinking by the speaker 'cause I don't care about tinnitus, okay?
Uh, I've got terrible news, really.
I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
You were married before Julie?
You're in love with Julie?
I don't believe that.
Oh, unfortunately, I do.
Jimmy, after everything she did to you before?
I know, that's what Marissa said.
Marissa knows?
She caught us.
And the things she said...
well, they're all true.
Look, here's the deal.
I can't be here and be with Julie.
But right now, I can't be here and...
not be with Julie.
What are you saying?
When Hailey left, I felt adrift.
So I made some calls to see what was out there and I came across this company that charters yachts for sale...
...in Maui.
You're leaving?
Yeah.
I need to get away from here before I do any more damage to myself or to my kids...
to, to Julie.
I love Newport, but it's, it's no good for me right now.
In the last year, I've nearly been arrested and bankrupt for stealing from my clients, I got punched out at my daughter's cotillion, I lost my house, my family, I tried to kiss you, which I-I still feel terrible about.
I spent the summer drunk on a boat with your 25-year-old sister, and now I'm getting back together with a woman who, who started this in the first place.
I can't stay here any longer.
I just can't do it.
So when would you go?
Well, they faxed over a contract a couple of weeks ago.
All I have to do is sign it and it's mine.
A couple of days and I'm...
I'm history.
Your gun went off.
Well, you shot off your mouth and look where it got you My mouth runs on, too Shouts from both sides Well, we've got the land.
But they've got the view.
Well, now, here's the clue You're giving me the pinky?
I'm not really into public displays of affection.
All right, let's go.
Outside, we've got to talk.
So, too bad Coop couldn't make it.
Um, Zach, only I can call her Coop.
It's kind of weird when you say it.
Got it.
Too bad Marissa couldn't make it.
I'd be freaking out, too if my mom and dad were getting back together, and, like, kept this huge secret from me.
Yeah, so, uh, we haven't had a chance to talk about our winter breaks yet.
I know.
Hey!
Modest Mouse!
Hey, volume, Cohen.
It's not Metallica.
No, it's not Metallica!
It's Modest Mouse!
Ew!
You're like so sweaty.
Come here.
Wait.
Your breath smells like Marissa!
You are so drunk!
So, hey, you guys are hanging out.
That's cool.
I guess she was cool with it, right?
Cool with what?
Thanks, Seth.
You're welcome.
Welcome.
Hey...
is the stage revolving or are we?
They're really good.
What's the matter?
You know what?
You're the matter.
I mean, you've been weird all night.
You've been weird pretty much since I showed up for dinner, which, by the way, was weird for me, too.
Well, what happened to Switzerland?
Uh, Kirsten wanted to hang out and she's really cool.
She is.
And if you want to hang out with her, you should.
But if the Cohens are really my family, then you are my family.
Which means kissing me is like kissing your sister or step-aunt.
Ryan!
You have to take Seth home, right now.
He is wasted and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.
I cannot believe you.
And I cannot believe that you told Cohen.
See?
And he puked all over the merchandise table, which I now have to go and mop up.
Ah!
I know who lives here!
This is the Cohen residence in the heezy.
Okay, okay, we've got to be really stealth here.
Hey, I was all-camp, Capture The Flag, Camp Tacaho, I invented the stealth.
That's right, you did.
I sure did!
But you're yelling.
You need to be quiet.
I haven't been this wasted since your first night in Newport, when we beat up those kids.
With a little bit of that...
and a little bit of that.
You need the seat belt.
Little bit of that...
You need your seat belt.
What's going on?
You guys okay?
Seth?
Shh...
We're being stealth.
Shh.
Look, everything you said yesterday, you were right.
I'm making the same mistakes all over again with your mom.
So you're going to end it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Well, that's great, Dad.
But, it's, uh, it's...
it's more complicated than that.
I, um, I need to get some perspective on the world, or...
or something.
You're right.
I need to learn how to be a real dad.
So, I'm, uh, leaving.
What?
Yeah, I'm moving to Maui.
That's your idea of being a real dad?
Abandoning me and moving to Hawaii?
It's not forever.
It's only for six months, maybe.
You can come and visit anytime you want.
Well, good luck with that.
I mean, I hear Maui's beautiful.
Uh, you know, there's going to be a good-bye party, tonight at the Cohens'.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Totally.
I mean, you were the last thing keeping me sane, so when you leave it should be interesting to see how things go.
But, uh, I'll see you tonight.
Hello.
I just came by to tell you I'm dying and thank you for your friendship.
Oh...
slowly, slowly.
Oh, and also to apologize for whatever happened last night.
You don't have to apologize to me.
Have you talked to Zach?
No, why?
Ah, you kind of destroyed his relationship with Summer.
Oh, I violated the code of man.
Mmm.
Talked to Alex?
She won't answer my calls.
Hmm.
Might have something to do with all the vomit.
All the vomit?
How much vomit?
Like the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Well, you wanted to be a bad boy.
You did bad.
Yeah, but not in a good way.
I've got to talk to Alex.
I'm sure I can be a good bad boy, not a bad bad boy.
Mm-hmm.
Good luck with that.
Aspirin?
Thank you.
You have lobster rolls, right?
He loves lobster rolls.
Oh, if it isn't my son, the wine-oh You guys found out?
You weren't exactly stealth.
Damn.
I lost a step since Tahoe.
Your dad's been waiting for you to leave the room, so he can send you back to it.
That's great.
Um, I know I should probably be used to this at this point, but uh, are we having a party?
It's Jimmy Cooper's going away party.
Oh, okay, wow.
Great.
Then I'm going to run a quick errand real fast and then I'm going to come straight home.
You're not going anywhere.
Dad, I'm grounded.
I get it, I deserve it, okay?
Even though this headache is just far worse than any punishment that you could administer...
No.
I need to go see a girl very fast, and then I will come straight home.
Now, which girl is this?
The one who thinks you're too nice?
The one you're trying to impress by drinking a fifth of Jack?
I think his name was John, but yes, and Dad, it went horribly, okay?
So I just need to talk to her really fast and I need to, you know, sort of, you know...
Go upstairs and get dressed.
You know what, maybe if I'm grounded, I shouldn't go to this party.
I'm going to go get dressed.
Stairs.
Hi.
I got you something.
It's the novelization of The Valley, Season One.
I have the hard cover signed by Gertie Bridges.
I should go.
No, that's why I'm here.
I wanted to give you a ride.
Actually, I'm going to go alone.
You're going by yourself?
Han Solo.
Okay?
But if I change my mind, I'll have Cohen get drunk and let you know, okay?
Summer, come on.
Hooking up with your tutor, Zach?
Not even that cool in the '80's.
I mean, she could have at least been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.
Come around in this fine town where their freedom makes the world go around Where dreams are found...
Hey, Julie.
Hey, uh, Kirsten.
Sad day, thinking about Jimmy Cooper, huh?
Why, I remember when he was a boy, taking him out in the boat, inviting him over...
for dinner.
Listen, I'll see you in a few.
I'm gonna slip out for a while.
I'm trying to fix things with Alex.
What about your parents?
They're scary.
Which is why I need you to cover for me, okay?
Just throw up the smoke screen, give them some of that Ryan Atwood double talk.
I barely talk.
Good point.
The less said, the better.
I- I don't think this is a good idea, man.
You call yourself a bad boy.
Jimbo.
I'm sorry we couldn't get a better turnout for you.
Well, considering I defrauded most of my closest friends...
it's not bad.
I'm going to miss you, Jimmy.
Ah, well.
Thanks, Sandy.
How'd she take the news?
I haven't talked to her yet.
Good luck with that.
Hi, Julie.
Were you just going to send me a postcard?
I wouldn't have known you were leaving if Kirsten hadn't invited me to your going away party.
Of course I was going to tell you.
Can we, can we talk about this someplace a little bit more private, please?
Look who stopped by.
I'm going to go grab some champagne.
You two have fun.
Now we're waving at each other.
I thought you agreed Kirsten can't find out about us, right?
Right, because then it might be weird.
Ryan, have you seen...
Lindsay, hello.
Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt.
I'll find Julie myself.
Good to see you.
Bye, Dad.
Yeah, this isn't going to be weird at all.
Did you really think that this was going somewhere?
I don't know, Jimmy.
I was under the impression that this meant something.
Well, it did.
It...
does.
But did you really think it was going to last?
You really think that I would leave you again?
Well, history isn't exactly working in your favor on that one.
Plus, you deserve to be happy with Caleb.
Oh, yeah, that's a storybook romance with our illegitimate children and our tapped phone lines.
At least it's real.
Jules.
Jules.
You've got to go so soon?
I think it's probably best I go before anyone knows why I'm going.
Oh, I...
I'm s-sorry.
I didn't mean to...
It's fine.
We're just saying our good-byes.
See you, James.
So long, Jules.
Hey!
People I know.
Yeah.
Where's Zach?
He couldn't make it.
Where's Cohen?
Oh, he's hurting from last night.
Well, I'd like to hurt him for last night.
Kind of a boring party.
Not for long.
I'm fine.
Well, if it isn't the wicked witch of the west coast.
Are you drunk?
Let me guess: tequila?
She was like this when I picked her up.
You don't have to defend yourself to her.
No, but you do, young lady.
Come on, let's go, DJ, before she tries to sleep with you next.
What did you say?
You heard me, you whore.
Hey, guys, guys, not here.
No, let's do it here.
Okay?
You know what?
Let's tell everyone why you're leaving, Dad.
Why don't you tell everyone why you're leaving.
Huh?
Hello, everybody.
Let's go, Marissa, you're drunk.
Get off of me.
Guys, hey, guys.
Come on.
Come on.
Do you see what you're leaving me with?
You see how screwed up she is?
Of course I'm screwed up.
I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut.
You know what, I just...
I just hate you both so much.
You wanted a good old-fashioned O.C.
party.
I just hope she's okay, and that she calls.
As bad as I thought she'd take it, that was worse.
Well, it's going to be hard for her.
For all of us.
I was hoping that while I'm gone, you'd go over to the house and check up on her.
My father lives in that house, Jimmy.
I know.
That's why I want you to go there.
I need to know that someone is watching over her.
For my oldest friend, anything.
I can't believe this.
If we had gotten married, I'd be moving to Hawaii.
No, if I'd married you, there's no way I would have left.
I just want to get the hell out of here.
Where'd they park my car, Irvine?
Excuse me, Mr.
Nichol.
Uh, there's a problem with your car.
You scratched my Aston Martin?
Your car's been stolen.
Wow, who's car is that?
This?
It's mine, Alex.
I stole it.
You stole a car?
Yep.
I do that sometimes, Alex.
I do it for kicks.
Are you trying to impress me or something?
What?
You know, with getting drunk and stealing cars, and...
It's just...
Seth, I've been with a lot of bad boys and you are not one of them.
Right.
Well, I'm just gonna make a Bundt cake and put on some tea.
See you later.
No, Seth, you're a good guy.
And that's why I like you.
Really?
Well, that's good, because I don't think this whole bad boy thing is really working out for me.
Me neither.
Is this your vehicle, sir?
What are you still doing here?
Uh, your stepmom blocked my car in.
I tried to wake her up, but is she, like, alive?
Yeah, just heavily medicated.
Uh, how was the party?
I don't know.
Maybe I should hire you a tutor and she can catch you up on everything.
Look...
I've had a lot of time to sit here, vibrating at a very high frequency and think.
And I realize this is a really important moment for us.
This is our first fight that wasn't about Cohen.
I mean, he helped, but this fight, it's ours.
I guess that's true.
I'm really sorry.
It didn't mean anything, believe me.
It's not about what happened, Zach.
It's just that you didn't tell me, you told Cohen.
From now on, I'll tell you everything.
Why, planning on screwing up again?
Only one way to find out.
We finally have a moment alone.
Yeah, maybe a chance to talk about everything.
You know what?
I don't want to.
I mean, we keep hypothesizing how kissing me might be like kissing your sister, and I think we should just find out.
So you want me to kiss you as an experiment?
Yeah.
And if it truly is weird, well, then that's our answer.
Okay.
No, uh, pressure.
Right.
She's everything Everything I'm already somebody's baby You don't deserve to feel for me Oh, hey, guys.
I was wondering if you've seen Seth.
No.
We were just looking for him ourselves.
Okay, thanks.
That was close Yeah, maybe we should just...
keep this to ourselves for now.
At least until we find out if we're breaking any laws.
Hey, Dad.
How was the party?
I think somebody called the cops.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I called him.
Thanks, DJ.
Appreciate it.
You mind if I join you?
I never thought I'd leave this place.
I guess life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will, huh?
I'll take that as a pensive "no. "
I'm sorry, Marissa.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry that I...
I couldn't...
give you the life that...
that you deserve.
Although I nearly went to jail trying.
You've got to give a guy credit for that.
Sweetheart.
Don't go.
Please, don't go.
Don't leave me.
I got to go.
I got to...
I got to get a life.
I know, I know.
It stinks.
But...
But, listen, anytime you want to come live with me, you just let me know, okay?
And I will send a boat or a plane, whatever, okay?
It's getting...
it's getting kind of cold.
I think we should head back, huh?
Want to get out of here?
Wait.
Can we just...
Can we just sit here for a while?
Sure, kiddo.
Here, put this on.
You must be freezing.
I'll sit with you all night.
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain if the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand I move on to another day To a whole new town...
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I was just, uh, seeing my dad off.
He left this morning.
I'm sorry.
I brought bagels.
Well, that's the secret password into the Cohen house.
Come on in.
Marissa brought bagels.
Thank God.
These ones are stale.
Yeah, I almost chipped a tooth.
Gather around, Marissa, I'm going to teach you how to schmear.
He is an artist with cream cheese.
Well, thank you, honey.
Slicer.
Slicer.
Cream cheese.
Cream cheese.
So, you going to be okay?
Of course.
We got bagels.
Ah, yes, bagels.
Now, Marissa, this is perhaps the most important part.
Without using excess cream cheese...
There's not an ounce, a drop...