TV-Serie: Will & Grace - 5x19
Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Oh, does Jacques' have a new chef?
What is this?
It is an Eggo Fancy Would you mind if I put a little syrup on it?
I would not; we are not that kind of establishment Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm!
Mm!
It's nice to not have anything in your head, isn't it?
Join us.
We're livin' out loud Okay Mm!
Mm, mm, mm.
-Hey, guys -Hey, Grace Hey.
You know, if you want some breakfast, I'd order now 'cause in about a half an hour the lunch menu kicks in It is Hot Pockets Hmm....
I'm gonna wait for the Pocket Just a reminder tomorrow's my birthday Just another reminder, my husband abandoned me to help the needy so the presents need to be bigger and better I got you something great You want a hint?
No!
You know I have to be surprised Remember two years ago how upset I got when you left your present out for me to find? "
Left it out"?!
It was hidden in a storage locker in Queens That I rented under an assumed name You bit through a combination lock Just make sure it doesn't happen again Oh, poor Grace Alone on her birthday Yeah, poor Grace Know why I'm laughing?
'Cause you're single?
No.
I've arranged to have Leo come back early to surprise her for her birthday -Huh?
What?
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots?
-What?
Huh?
Hubub, hubub?
Well, how'd you do that, Willona?
It was actually easy I chartered a camel from Mombasa to take Leo to a landing strip in Malindi where a gypsy helicopter will fly him to Nairobi And from there, it's just a short, 32-hour flight with about 15 layovers I could have flown him direct but it's like a hundred dollars more I know.
Good, right?
No-- I was laughing 'cause-- you know, you're single Surprise!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Aah!
I just broke my favorite bookmark Wh--where is everybody?
And why are you nude?
What are you doing here?
You're not supposed to be back till Sunday It is Sunday It's Saturday It can't be.
I left on Saturday and I've been on ten planes and a bus, and what I'm still convinced was an anti-semitic camel Guess that's why they wouldn't give you the kosher meal You know, the flights were no picnic either I had to sit through Lilo and Stitch 17 times Not that I don't appreciate everything you did to get me here but did you know that for only about $100 more, I could have flown direct?
Oh, you're kidding!
Wow.
That, uh...
Will, that robe needs pants Hey.
Lotta men wear shorty robes James Caan wears a shorty robe Look, if there's no party tonight I'm just gonna head home You know, I'm exhausted, they lost my luggage and five minutes into the flight the stewardess spills a tray of orange juice all over me By the time we flew over London bees had built a hive on my lap No, no, no.
No, you can't go home You'll ruin the surprise You gotta stay here tonight Look, you can crash in my bedroom and tomorrow you can help me with the party How are you with a pastry bag and rosette tips?
I never tried 'em, but why don't we hold each other for awhile and we'll see how we feel after that?
Hey What are you doing here?
It's my birthday eve I'm alone.
I'm staying over No, you can't!
You--you gotta get out of here!
Why do I have to-- Wait a minute-- You want me out?
Oh--you're in a robe Oh--I smell orange juice Oh--I have no idea what's going on All right, look, the gig is up You want your birthday present?
'Cause I might as well just give it to you now No, tomorrow It has to be on my real birthday Well, then, you better get outta here because it's on its way up here No, no, wait.
I don't wanna see it Well, then, you better get out!
Oh!
Not the elevator!
It might be in the elevator Use the stairs Okay, but first thing tomorrow morning I'm coming over Good, fine, go Okay.
Oh-- Leave it, leave it, leave it!
Hellooo?
I need you and Karen to keep Grace busy all day tomorrow I can't, I have plans I just hooked up with the cute ugly guy from the Kiehl's counter at Barney's Does he have any of that pineapple papaya facial scrub?
Because everybody's out of it Thank you Leo got back a day early and I don't want them running into each other 'cause it'll ruin the surprise No problem.
I'd be happy to help Hey, why the long robe?
Come on, get up it's my birthday!
Happy birthday, honey!
Thank you Okay.
Here we are, honey Surprise!
Whee!
An arcade?!
All this just to bring me to an arcade a block from my apartment?
Why did you have to cover my head?
'Cause your hair's a disaster Ugh...
I fell asleep in my clothes You'd think after two days this orange juice would have dried Oh, you got a message from...
Air-Picture-of-a-Gazelle They still haven't found your luggage Yeah, I knew I was in trouble when my boarding pass was a coconut I gotta get some stuff for the party I still can't find a decent vegetable glycerin soap for the guest bathroom It makes me insane Anyway, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge Unless it's marked "party. "
Or "Will's."
Oh, and when you wipe down the counter top, use water only You know what polished concrete's like I can't believe you haven't found a man I know Oh...
And if you want a little entertainment while I'm gone, I just got Xanadu on DVD That finally came out on DVD?
I guess all my letter writing paid off Yeah You know, there's an extra ten minutes of roller ballet?
That's great, you know, 'cause the first time I saw it the roller ballet felt short I know.
Okay, don't answer the phone and stay put Don't answer the phone and stay put Okay, I got it.
Have fun Psst-- Like Xanadu?
Who doesn't?
Here you go Hmmm.
Ten extra minutes of roller ballet Excellent What's better than a Vanilla Coke and a jalape?
chili dog on your birthday?
A breath mint?
Hey, guys Look what I got from my skee ball tickets It's a monkey on a trapeze I'm tired of it Okay.
Come on.
I wanna go on the Dance Dance Revolution machine You can't, Grace Somebody's on it Oh, let me take care of this I'm good with kids Hey.
Puberty Step off!
No way Okay.
Well, wouldn't it be more fun to play with my "make your own fake I.D."
kit?
Cool!
Ohh...
Come on, Grace You're up Remember, just follow the arrows and try to keep up with the beat Okay, honey, shake your booty Shake your groove thang.
Shake your-- Do those move?
Not only do they move, they-- They don't move Okay, hit it Oh, please This is easy Ooh, okay Here we go Crap!
Crap!
Crap!
Son of a bitch!
Now I have to pee!
Come on, Jackie Why don't you give it a try?
I don't know, Karen I'm not much of a dancer Scary bathroom, scary bathroom Gotta find a clean one Gotta pee!
Gotta pee!
Gotta pee!
Hello?
Hello?
Who left the seat up?
Sorry.
That was me That's all right I forgot how good that was Mm-hmm.
If it weren't for my three wives in Africa, I would have forgotten, too Don't give me that face You're still my favorite You're an ass I missed you Me, too You got anything to eat?
I'm starving All Will had in his fridge was a soothing eye mask.
I only got half of it down When were you at Will's?
I wasn't -But you just said that you were-- -No, I didn't.
Crap.
Will flew me in to surprise you for your birthday But I got here early, so he's been hiding me in his apartment so I wouldn't ruin the surprise Oh, my God, that's unbelievable Wait, does that mean there's not gonna be a real gift?
I feel bad I wrecked it, you know?
The poor guy went to so much trouble I'm not gonna go into the details but it involved a VW bus, a leaky canoe, and a very awkward breakfast with Desmond Tutu Poor thing I know.
He didn't win the Nobel Prize for chewing with his mouth closed No.
I mean, poor Will He did all of that just to surprise me 'cause he knows just how much I love surprises We can't ruin this for him Well, surprise!
It's ruined!
Not necessarily I mean, I know But he doesn't know that I know So if you go back to Will's and pretend that you never saw me then he'll never have to know that I knew No.
No, "knew".
No!
I'm not going back there There's shorty robes and Xanadu and coffee mugs that have to go in the exact same place every time!
Come on.
He did this for me Do this for him Now, is there anything different about you from when you left Will's apartment?
I got the orange juice out of my clothes Aaahh!
Hey!
I hope you don't mind I borrowed your shorty robe Or, as the guy in the laundry room called it, my penis ruffle You went to the laundry room?!
I told you to stay in the apartment!
What if Grace had seen you?
What if Grace had been in the laundry room?
She wouldn't be doing laundry but there is a candy machine down there Get out here; I wanna go over the plan with you Ah, yes.
The plan You had it laminated...
You say that like it's a weird thing Okay, 6:00, you go over to Jack's and wait there 6:15, everyone will arrive, fun, fun, fun chit-chat, presents.
Then 7:30, you wait in the hallway, I'll open the door, you jump in and yell "surprise!"
Damn it, the coffee cups go up here!
Do I have to draw you a diagram again?
If you are gonna be a guest in this apar-- I saw her, okay?
There's no surprise What?
I--I-- After you left I went to our apartment and Grace saw me You wh--?
Why?
I needed something to wear I gave you my clothes Please.
Your clothes are too tight on you Great.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened!
Hey, I just came from Africa Do you have any idea how many people there are suffering from ruined surprise parties?
Wait a minute If Grace knows, why did she send you back here?
Because she was so touched by what you did she asked me to play along so I wouldn't spoil the surprise Aww...
This is supposed to be her surprise but she's more concerned about my joy at seeing her surprised than her own joy at being surprised?
Dude, I don't know I'm just happy to have a dry crotch Wait, wait...
we gotta proceed with this plan You can't tell her I know It's over, Will.
She knows.
Yeah, she knows, and I know but she doesn't know that I know she knows.
It can still work Ahh!
All must be as it was Oh, my God...
This game is amazing!
Honey, look, I'm winning, I'm winning!
Karen, that's a change machine I don't care what you call it Where do we cash in these buttons?
Hey, guys Where have you been?
You were gone so long we had to eat your funnel cake Wait a minute.
We're not the only ones eating your funnel cake.
You had sex Come on, give it up Who was it?
I ran into Leo But you can't tell Will I found out I mean, I know But he doesn't know I know And now that you know I know you can't let Will know that you know I know, you know?
No...
Do you know?
I think I know But I'm sure I don't care Okay, you fill him in I need to go pee again Oddly, the bathroom here is cleaner than the one at home Poor Grace.
Her surprise is ruined.
Right?
We should help her, Jackie It's her birthday.
She deserves a real surprise Now put your thinking cap on What would be a bigger surprise than Leo showing up?
Blanket Michael Jackson I've got it!
Leo not showing up Ah!
Karen, it's beautiful Thank you You're welcome, honey Happy birthday Oh, and...
See this one right here?
It's pure cyanide So if you're ever in a jam just bite down hard.
Wear it in good health Now, now me, me, open mine Thanks, Jack I wouldn't get too excited It's probably just another one of his headshots It's not a headshot Okay, it's a headshot Oh, and look.
An updated rejume on the back Ooh, 7:30.
Time for my present And it's a big one Now, let me see...
That's funny Could have sworn I brought it in here Maybe it's in the hallway What kind of present would be in the hallway, I wonder?
What do you think it is?
I hope it's another party 'cause this one's a snooze -Happy-- -Oh, my-- Where is he?
Yeah, where the hell is he?
Wait a minute, what do you mean, "he"?
Leo You knew he was coming?
Of course I knew Didn't you know I knew?
Yeah, I knew you knew, but I didn't want you to know I knew you knew That I did not know I just kept up this whole charade 'cause I wanted you to have a good surprise on your birthday I only did it so that you would have the fun of surprising me Aww...
Happy birthday Thank you, sweetie So where's my husband?
Surprise!!
He's not coming!
Man, we got you!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay, come on.
Come on seriously, where is he?
We're not sure.
No.
Once we drove him out of town and dumped him in a ditch it's anybody's guess What were you thinking?!
You threw him out of a car?!
Hey, calm down We just thought that it was so sweet that you wanted to surprise Grace and that she wanted to let you surprise her and, well, we just wanted you both to get what you wanted Aww...
Wait...
Does any of this look familiar?
Yes, I remember passing this orchard Oh, there he is!
Holding up all those apples Oh!
That's an apple tree, brainiac Wait.
I smell orange juice Pull over.
Pull over!
Why, look, it's Leo But I thought he was in Africa Surprise!
Oh, my god, I had no idea!
This is the best birthday ever!
Who wants cake?
No, no cake, please I've been stuck out in the cold for two hours I'm freezing, I'm covered in mud a weirdly-aggressive deer just tried to mate with me Oh, now I know where we are There is no surprise, okay?
We all know it.
He knows she knows, and they know we know, and you know he knows she knows and she knows they know and now everybody knows I know, so just stop pretending!
Ah, screw it
Mm, mm, mm.
Oh, does Jacques' have a new chef?
What is this?
It is an Eggo Fancy Would you mind if I put a little syrup on it?
I would not; we are not that kind of establishment Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Mm!
Mm!
It's nice to not have anything in your head, isn't it?
Join us.
We're livin' out loud Okay Mm!
Mm, mm, mm.
-Hey, guys -Hey, Grace Hey.
You know, if you want some breakfast, I'd order now 'cause in about a half an hour the lunch menu kicks in It is Hot Pockets Hmm....
I'm gonna wait for the Pocket Just a reminder tomorrow's my birthday Just another reminder, my husband abandoned me to help the needy so the presents need to be bigger and better I got you something great You want a hint?
No!
You know I have to be surprised Remember two years ago how upset I got when you left your present out for me to find? "
Left it out"?!
It was hidden in a storage locker in Queens That I rented under an assumed name You bit through a combination lock Just make sure it doesn't happen again Oh, poor Grace Alone on her birthday Yeah, poor Grace Know why I'm laughing?
'Cause you're single?
No.
I've arranged to have Leo come back early to surprise her for her birthday -Huh?
What?
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots?
-What?
Huh?
Hubub, hubub?
Well, how'd you do that, Willona?
It was actually easy I chartered a camel from Mombasa to take Leo to a landing strip in Malindi where a gypsy helicopter will fly him to Nairobi And from there, it's just a short, 32-hour flight with about 15 layovers I could have flown him direct but it's like a hundred dollars more I know.
Good, right?
No-- I was laughing 'cause-- you know, you're single Surprise!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Aah!
I just broke my favorite bookmark Wh--where is everybody?
And why are you nude?
What are you doing here?
You're not supposed to be back till Sunday It is Sunday It's Saturday It can't be.
I left on Saturday and I've been on ten planes and a bus, and what I'm still convinced was an anti-semitic camel Guess that's why they wouldn't give you the kosher meal You know, the flights were no picnic either I had to sit through Lilo and Stitch 17 times Not that I don't appreciate everything you did to get me here but did you know that for only about $100 more, I could have flown direct?
Oh, you're kidding!
Wow.
That, uh...
Will, that robe needs pants Hey.
Lotta men wear shorty robes James Caan wears a shorty robe Look, if there's no party tonight I'm just gonna head home You know, I'm exhausted, they lost my luggage and five minutes into the flight the stewardess spills a tray of orange juice all over me By the time we flew over London bees had built a hive on my lap No, no, no.
No, you can't go home You'll ruin the surprise You gotta stay here tonight Look, you can crash in my bedroom and tomorrow you can help me with the party How are you with a pastry bag and rosette tips?
I never tried 'em, but why don't we hold each other for awhile and we'll see how we feel after that?
Hey What are you doing here?
It's my birthday eve I'm alone.
I'm staying over No, you can't!
You--you gotta get out of here!
Why do I have to-- Wait a minute-- You want me out?
Oh--you're in a robe Oh--I smell orange juice Oh--I have no idea what's going on All right, look, the gig is up You want your birthday present?
'Cause I might as well just give it to you now No, tomorrow It has to be on my real birthday Well, then, you better get outta here because it's on its way up here No, no, wait.
I don't wanna see it Well, then, you better get out!
Oh!
Not the elevator!
It might be in the elevator Use the stairs Okay, but first thing tomorrow morning I'm coming over Good, fine, go Okay.
Oh-- Leave it, leave it, leave it!
Hellooo?
I need you and Karen to keep Grace busy all day tomorrow I can't, I have plans I just hooked up with the cute ugly guy from the Kiehl's counter at Barney's Does he have any of that pineapple papaya facial scrub?
Because everybody's out of it Thank you Leo got back a day early and I don't want them running into each other 'cause it'll ruin the surprise No problem.
I'd be happy to help Hey, why the long robe?
Come on, get up it's my birthday!
Happy birthday, honey!
Thank you Okay.
Here we are, honey Surprise!
Whee!
An arcade?!
All this just to bring me to an arcade a block from my apartment?
Why did you have to cover my head?
'Cause your hair's a disaster Ugh...
I fell asleep in my clothes You'd think after two days this orange juice would have dried Oh, you got a message from...
Air-Picture-of-a-Gazelle They still haven't found your luggage Yeah, I knew I was in trouble when my boarding pass was a coconut I gotta get some stuff for the party I still can't find a decent vegetable glycerin soap for the guest bathroom It makes me insane Anyway, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge Unless it's marked "party. "
Or "Will's."
Oh, and when you wipe down the counter top, use water only You know what polished concrete's like I can't believe you haven't found a man I know Oh...
And if you want a little entertainment while I'm gone, I just got Xanadu on DVD That finally came out on DVD?
I guess all my letter writing paid off Yeah You know, there's an extra ten minutes of roller ballet?
That's great, you know, 'cause the first time I saw it the roller ballet felt short I know.
Okay, don't answer the phone and stay put Don't answer the phone and stay put Okay, I got it.
Have fun Psst-- Like Xanadu?
Who doesn't?
Here you go Hmmm.
Ten extra minutes of roller ballet Excellent What's better than a Vanilla Coke and a jalape?
chili dog on your birthday?
A breath mint?
Hey, guys Look what I got from my skee ball tickets It's a monkey on a trapeze I'm tired of it Okay.
Come on.
I wanna go on the Dance Dance Revolution machine You can't, Grace Somebody's on it Oh, let me take care of this I'm good with kids Hey.
Puberty Step off!
No way Okay.
Well, wouldn't it be more fun to play with my "make your own fake I.D."
kit?
Cool!
Ohh...
Come on, Grace You're up Remember, just follow the arrows and try to keep up with the beat Okay, honey, shake your booty Shake your groove thang.
Shake your-- Do those move?
Not only do they move, they-- They don't move Okay, hit it Oh, please This is easy Ooh, okay Here we go Crap!
Crap!
Crap!
Son of a bitch!
Now I have to pee!
Come on, Jackie Why don't you give it a try?
I don't know, Karen I'm not much of a dancer Scary bathroom, scary bathroom Gotta find a clean one Gotta pee!
Gotta pee!
Gotta pee!
Hello?
Hello?
Who left the seat up?
Sorry.
That was me That's all right I forgot how good that was Mm-hmm.
If it weren't for my three wives in Africa, I would have forgotten, too Don't give me that face You're still my favorite You're an ass I missed you Me, too You got anything to eat?
I'm starving All Will had in his fridge was a soothing eye mask.
I only got half of it down When were you at Will's?
I wasn't -But you just said that you were-- -No, I didn't.
Crap.
Will flew me in to surprise you for your birthday But I got here early, so he's been hiding me in his apartment so I wouldn't ruin the surprise Oh, my God, that's unbelievable Wait, does that mean there's not gonna be a real gift?
I feel bad I wrecked it, you know?
The poor guy went to so much trouble I'm not gonna go into the details but it involved a VW bus, a leaky canoe, and a very awkward breakfast with Desmond Tutu Poor thing I know.
He didn't win the Nobel Prize for chewing with his mouth closed No.
I mean, poor Will He did all of that just to surprise me 'cause he knows just how much I love surprises We can't ruin this for him Well, surprise!
It's ruined!
Not necessarily I mean, I know But he doesn't know that I know So if you go back to Will's and pretend that you never saw me then he'll never have to know that I knew No.
No, "knew".
No!
I'm not going back there There's shorty robes and Xanadu and coffee mugs that have to go in the exact same place every time!
Come on.
He did this for me Do this for him Now, is there anything different about you from when you left Will's apartment?
I got the orange juice out of my clothes Aaahh!
Hey!
I hope you don't mind I borrowed your shorty robe Or, as the guy in the laundry room called it, my penis ruffle You went to the laundry room?!
I told you to stay in the apartment!
What if Grace had seen you?
What if Grace had been in the laundry room?
She wouldn't be doing laundry but there is a candy machine down there Get out here; I wanna go over the plan with you Ah, yes.
The plan You had it laminated...
You say that like it's a weird thing Okay, 6:00, you go over to Jack's and wait there 6:15, everyone will arrive, fun, fun, fun chit-chat, presents.
Then 7:30, you wait in the hallway, I'll open the door, you jump in and yell "surprise!"
Damn it, the coffee cups go up here!
Do I have to draw you a diagram again?
If you are gonna be a guest in this apar-- I saw her, okay?
There's no surprise What?
I--I-- After you left I went to our apartment and Grace saw me You wh--?
Why?
I needed something to wear I gave you my clothes Please.
Your clothes are too tight on you Great.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened!
Hey, I just came from Africa Do you have any idea how many people there are suffering from ruined surprise parties?
Wait a minute If Grace knows, why did she send you back here?
Because she was so touched by what you did she asked me to play along so I wouldn't spoil the surprise Aww...
This is supposed to be her surprise but she's more concerned about my joy at seeing her surprised than her own joy at being surprised?
Dude, I don't know I'm just happy to have a dry crotch Wait, wait...
we gotta proceed with this plan You can't tell her I know It's over, Will.
She knows.
Yeah, she knows, and I know but she doesn't know that I know she knows.
It can still work Ahh!
All must be as it was Oh, my God...
This game is amazing!
Honey, look, I'm winning, I'm winning!
Karen, that's a change machine I don't care what you call it Where do we cash in these buttons?
Hey, guys Where have you been?
You were gone so long we had to eat your funnel cake Wait a minute.
We're not the only ones eating your funnel cake.
You had sex Come on, give it up Who was it?
I ran into Leo But you can't tell Will I found out I mean, I know But he doesn't know I know And now that you know I know you can't let Will know that you know I know, you know?
No...
Do you know?
I think I know But I'm sure I don't care Okay, you fill him in I need to go pee again Oddly, the bathroom here is cleaner than the one at home Poor Grace.
Her surprise is ruined.
Right?
We should help her, Jackie It's her birthday.
She deserves a real surprise Now put your thinking cap on What would be a bigger surprise than Leo showing up?
Blanket Michael Jackson I've got it!
Leo not showing up Ah!
Karen, it's beautiful Thank you You're welcome, honey Happy birthday Oh, and...
See this one right here?
It's pure cyanide So if you're ever in a jam just bite down hard.
Wear it in good health Now, now me, me, open mine Thanks, Jack I wouldn't get too excited It's probably just another one of his headshots It's not a headshot Okay, it's a headshot Oh, and look.
An updated rejume on the back Ooh, 7:30.
Time for my present And it's a big one Now, let me see...
That's funny Could have sworn I brought it in here Maybe it's in the hallway What kind of present would be in the hallway, I wonder?
What do you think it is?
I hope it's another party 'cause this one's a snooze -Happy-- -Oh, my-- Where is he?
Yeah, where the hell is he?
Wait a minute, what do you mean, "he"?
Leo You knew he was coming?
Of course I knew Didn't you know I knew?
Yeah, I knew you knew, but I didn't want you to know I knew you knew That I did not know I just kept up this whole charade 'cause I wanted you to have a good surprise on your birthday I only did it so that you would have the fun of surprising me Aww...
Happy birthday Thank you, sweetie So where's my husband?
Surprise!!
He's not coming!
Man, we got you!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay, come on.
Come on seriously, where is he?
We're not sure.
No.
Once we drove him out of town and dumped him in a ditch it's anybody's guess What were you thinking?!
You threw him out of a car?!
Hey, calm down We just thought that it was so sweet that you wanted to surprise Grace and that she wanted to let you surprise her and, well, we just wanted you both to get what you wanted Aww...
Wait...
Does any of this look familiar?
Yes, I remember passing this orchard Oh, there he is!
Holding up all those apples Oh!
That's an apple tree, brainiac Wait.
I smell orange juice Pull over.
Pull over!
Why, look, it's Leo But I thought he was in Africa Surprise!
Oh, my god, I had no idea!
This is the best birthday ever!
Who wants cake?
No, no cake, please I've been stuck out in the cold for two hours I'm freezing, I'm covered in mud a weirdly-aggressive deer just tried to mate with me Oh, now I know where we are There is no surprise, okay?
We all know it.
He knows she knows, and they know we know, and you know he knows she knows and she knows they know and now everybody knows I know, so just stop pretending!
Ah, screw it