TV-Serie: Will & Grace - 5x14

Okay, I have a big problem with this love letter you wrote to your husband in Africa?
Where did you get this?
I gave this to Karen to mail yesterday Yeah, and she gave it to me to read laugh at, and make copies of That's how we've been doing it for years That is a gross invasion of privacy!
Besides, I thought that's what we did to Will!
Come on, you gotta throw us a little something spicy in there Where do you keep recent photos of yourself squatting naked on a sheepskin rug?
Right next to the picture of me doing this All right, come over to my apartment tonight We'll start all over Bring some tracing paper and don't wear any underwear Tempting...
but Will and I are getting together Finally It's been, like, forever I mean, between me living in Brooklyn and him working all the time-- And now you're thinking about tracing your own thing Ah, hey, Karen What are ya doin'?
Oh, just a sec Stanley walker is a dirty pig and I hope he rots in hellll!
I'm good How are you guys?
Problem with Stan?
I can't believe him Parading around town with that new British slut of his!
Last week they had dinner at the mayor's mansion Apparently, she spent the entire night sitting on his lap, feeding him steaks 'Ere's a nice T-bone for ya, love Hope you saved room for a bucket of "po-tah-toes."
Oh, I regret the day I ever laid boobs on that man!
God, that's just awful Yeah Okay, your turn Kare, during all my struggles you've constantly been partially there for me Is there anything I can pretend to do for you now?
Well, there is, Jackie You know, there's, uh one last box of my personal effects at the mans It's mostly sentimental stuff-- Old photos, birthday cards The receipt I got when Rosario's parents sold her to me.
That kinda thing Wh-what are you saying?
I mean, would I like to spend a few unsupervised hours rummaging through your closet?
Does a gay bear have anonymous sex in the woods?
God, that doorman's a real jerk I lived here five years I move out suddenly, Tony looks at me like he's never seen me before?
Tony retired at Christmas, Grace That's the new doorman, Abe who's black, while Tony was white I don't see people that way So...
you ready to rock the house?
You ready to kick out the jams?
Let's do it to it I brought the cheese She brought the cheese!
Oh, you actually brought cheese Yeah.
Cheese night Like we used to do Brought a little camembert a little stilton, a little gouda...
and some Kraft singles 'cause I love that clammy feeling when you hold them up against your face I've been off dairy for two months Didn't I tell you?
Did you?
I thought I did So, no cheese?
Sorry But hey, hey, hey!
We can still do...
movie night!
I got The Rookie I know-- Baseball, yuck But Dennis Quaid, yum!
And Dennis Quaid in a cup...
yummer Um, I already saw that with Leo But we were gonna see it together Six months ago You know what?
It's fine That just means that we have the whole night to sit here and talk.
Huh?
Yes, we have tons to catch up on What are you doing in this closet?
You look like the kind of man that should be coming out of one I have business here Who are you?
I might ask the same question of you Why, I'm Jack, Karen's friend She didn't wanna come 'cause she didn't wanna run into that British slut With your thick Hungarian accent you obviously work here Have you--have you met her?
What's she like?
Well, she's got curly hair, like me long legs, like me She shags like a banshee, like me And her favorite dance move is this So you're that tart from the prison who stole Karen's husband right out from on top of her!
I'm the new woman in Stan's life Lorraine Finster.
Get...a load...of me Stay away from me!
Don't look at me!
Or my package!
How can I not?
It's looking at me You like it now, you should see it at night, when it's all lit up No!
No!
Karen Walker's my friend!
I don't want anything to do with you!
Good day, Miss I said, good day!
Are you a dancer?
Why would you say that?
Well, it struck me that you have the bearing of a dancer Now, perhaps I'm wrong but I was a ballerina back in the U.K.
So I tend to have a bit of an eye for these things Well...
Heh heh...
In some circles I'm known as a dancer Actually, they're not so much circles, as cages Well...actually...
I wasn't so much a ballerina as a stripper Bon-bon?
Uh, love one We were both at the bottom and we pulled ourselves up with true grit and other people's money I admire us I'm a little in love with you Really?!
'Cause I feel like I could fall too But I can't!
You're the enemy!
Or am I your new best friend?
Damn, I think you are!
Honey, uh...
I'm a little concerned that you and Will aren't connecting anymore Why do you say that?
Oh, well, you mention it in this letter you wrote to your husband in Africa God, you people!
That's awful!
Unless we're doing it to Will!
Things are weird with us We're off It's like we've lost our mojo Or, in our case, our "homojo."
Well, honey, you know what you have to do, huh?
Seduce him Yeah, go to La Perla buy some sexy thongs and bra-- -- undershirts...
Put on some Paul Anka bend him over the couch and have at him!
You know Will and I don't have sex Well, then, honey what's your version of sex, huh?
What gets you two excited?
The most excited?
Uh-huh.
Yeah That would have to be without question...
game night Ooohh!
Game night!
Ooh, sounds tedious You should do that You know what?
You're right We should!
It is so-- It's so fun!
Every year, Joe and Larry and Rob and Ellen come over and we have this--this big huge parlor game blowout We play for the "Suck On It" cup God, that's tragic!
What's that?
It's a trophy And we call it the "suck on it" cup because when you win-- And Will and I always win-- You get to turn to the losers and say, "Suck on it!!"
Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe?
Well, honey, what are you waiting for?
I mean, come on, call that Mo and Mary and Blob and Yellen and get 'em over to your place!
God, this is just perfect This is--this is just what Will and I need Thank you, Karen You know, sometimes even a wet brain makes sense Hey, Kare Hey, poodle, where have you been?
I've been waiting for almost half a Xanax Oh, you know, that closet of yours is so much fun Anyway, here's your stuff Oh, Jackie, thank you At last, I'm out of Stan's shadow Well, if I leave the Tristate area No prob, it was cinchy So, I-I'll see ya later Jack?
I'm sorry!
I met Stan's new girlfriend, Lorraine We spent the whole day together It was magical Like a movie Like something Miramax would shove down the Academy's throat during Oscar time There, I said it Uh, I was just gonna ask you why my teddy is missing Oh, I'm gonna add a flounce to make him more masculine Anyway, Kare...
you'd really like her The three of us should go away for the weekend together Amish country, maybe Huh, fun I do like a nice apple butter So it's...it's okay?
Oh, cutie, of course it is!
Come here, you!
You backstabbing boy bitch!
You are never, never seeing her again!
Do you hear me?!
You stay away from that London hog or I'll put fishhooks in your nipples and fly you off the Chrysler Building!
You got that?!
Why do you make me do this to you?
But Lorraine's just so much fun And I love my accent when I'm with her It's so bleedin' 'ard to stay 'way So what?
You just met this woman and Karen's been with you for thousands of dollars The damn Brit gets me, Will She sees what's underneath Right down to the surface So tell me, what is this "gay night" you're having?
And why isn't this invited?
It's "game night."
It's nothing like "gay night."
It's a whole evening of interesting games and someone goes home with a "Suck On It" cup Actually, it's quite a bit like "gay night."
You know, it's good you and Grace are doing this You guys have been really off lately So you've noticed?
I...
may have read it in a letter somewhere Well...
this is our chance to get it back Whenever Grace and I were having problems in the past game night was always the fix Something about lording it over our suburban friends with our mastery of showbiz trivia that really gets to the core of what makes our relationship special You know, game night even solved the big fight of '91?
Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Don't you wanna know what that fight was about?
You know, I trust that it solved it, so...
Ready?
And go!
A duck.
A chicken An emu.
Uma Thurman Shamu Okay, no.
Okay The sun The moon Reverend Sun Myung Moon An eclipse.
Eclair Claire Danes.
A great dane Dame Judy Dench Dame Maggie Smith--- Enough with the dames!
Ah-ah!
No talking!
Ten seconds- Okay...
Oh, a flower!
A gun!
A garden!
Madison Square Garden!
Time!
Garden of Eden What?!
That's not in Midtown!
I didn't draw "Midtown."
Well, well You just move right in, don't ya?
I guess the guy I paid to hussy-proof this place missed a few spots Well, you must be the old Mrs.
Walker And you were married to Stan as well, weren't you?
What's that smell?
Stan's favorite perfume Dab of roast beef behind each knocker Lamb chops work too But I'm not here to discuss beauty tips Where's my Jackie?
Hmm?
I know you've got him And you know how I know?
Because I really think so Well, you're mistaken Now, I believe you know where the door is It's the tall, square thing you go through on your way to the plastic surgeon Why, you slimy limey!
I've got half a mind to--!
No No, I'm going to take the high road And not just because I'm high I'll be leaving now Just going to take one little thing with me Come on, Jackie You listen to me, little missy You may have taken my steer but I'll be damned if you're gonna take my queer!
Come on!
Jackie, where are you going?
B-but I-- Come here Jack, no Come here Come to me Jackie, come.
Come on Oh, that's a good Jackie Jackie Oh, that's a good Jackie Jackie, come- Come here, Jackie Jackie, come- Come, Jackie Oh, looky here!
Come here, Jackie, come here All right, stop it!
You're gonna make me piddle!
If you're gonna make me choose then I choose Karen I'm sorry, Lorraine I like you, but I love Karen We have a special bond And let's face it It would take four of your boobs to fill one of her cups Oh, poodle, do you mean it?
Of course Your boobs are huge!
Mine will be too a week from Monday Come on, Jackie, let's go home pass out, and forget this ever happened And I swear I'll never cheat on you again Hey, if Karen dies I'll totally call you Okay, going into the final round Larry and I are in first Rob and Ellen, you're second Will and Grace, you guys are in third Or, as we like to call it last with a big "L" for "loser!"
Hey!
Hey!
We can still win this, you know Yeah, we still have 30 seconds We can take it Wow That is pressure Hope you don't crack!
See how I got in her head?
You've already been in her pants Okay, you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready Why would you think I wasn't ready?
Because earlier when we were playing charades and I went like this you said "parmesan."
You don't realize how important cheese is until it's gone All right, you ready?
And...
Go!
Okay, uh, uh, uh, she-- she's an actress her last name is a senator ran for President Gore Lesley Gore Gore Vidal Vidal Sassoon Paul Mitchell / No Lost to Nixon Okay, Mondale Dukakis, Humphrey Holly Humphrey!
Okay, time out!
Ah!
You can't call time out!
Au contraire, my pregnant friend!
The timeout was established after the great bathroom controversy of 1997!
Each team may call one and only one, time out, per tournament as long as a new clue is selected upon their return Read your rule book!
Come on, Grace!
Guys, he's right And we're sitting in the wrong order Here, you need to be over here...
What happened to you?
Do you know what it means if they beat us in there tonight?
It means they're gonna look at us with the same mix of pity and disgust that we do them, and I'm not about to let that happen!
I mean-- I mean-- Will...
We've lost it What?
Whatever it is we had...
that...connection That thing that made us...us It's just-- it's not there anymore Sure it is It--it--it--it's...
It's really not, is it?
No And I don't know if it's because I got married or because we're not living together anymore or what but it's gone It's like we lost our mojo Or, in our case, our "homojo."
Get Out That is exactly what I said What?!
When?
The other day To Karen Whoa, slow down You did?
Yeah Why didn't you call me?
I don't know, it was a gay pun It just seemed a little small But that's exactly what we're missing We need to check in and not just about the big important stuff but the little, trivial things that people really care about It was just so much easier when we were living together You know, I get an overzealous bikini wax that's three hours of conversation Now, we gotta make an effort You gotta call me...
if you go off cheese I know-- You're right That--that was stupid You know, I think I might have called and then hung up Still think we're gonna be okay?
I think we are Promise?
Oh, look who's back It's the losers Losers!
Suck on it!
Suck on it!
How's that taste?!
Suck on it!
We still have a little time left Oh, yeah, three seconds And no one can do that Not even the great Will and Grace Just give him the clue, Blob Ready?
Go!
Bangs Nancy McKeon Yes!
When did he ask you to mail this?
Yesterday.
Read it, read it, read it "And though I've never written one of these fan letters before, Justin..."
"I just want to wish you all the luck in the world on your solo career."
"Sincerely yours, Will Truman"!